Well, first time posting to one of these, or posting in this thread, and I get the luck to go after Shevet, though all of you regulars would put my stuff to shame, but eh.
My entry, attempting a bit of humor about everyone's favorite Romulan Tovan, as well as introducing two of my many many alts. Please forgive me any typos and mis-spellings, and forgive me if I'm not editing all of the "?" back into quotation marks right away. Don't know what happened there. I thought that if you copied it into notebook first it would work? Anyway I'll fix it sooner or later.
Also forgive me if I don't say anything about the other works yet, thought I am a big fan of all the work in these threads, I haven't really read any of these yet. Been to nervous about actually putting something in.
Anyway, hi. I hope I'll be coming in here more often to write.
I LOVED THIS!!!
I really like all of them but this one, you gave a really good explanation for every Romulan ship having a Tovan. The Khev family is huge and this story and the way you ended with Rinna was great.
Well, first time posting to one of these, or posting in this thread, and I get the luck to go after Shevet, though all of you regulars would put my stuff to shame, but eh.
My entry, attempting a bit of humor about everyone's favorite Romulan Tovan, as well as introducing two of my many many alts. Please forgive me any typos and mis-spellings, and forgive me if I'm not editing all of the "?" back into quotation marks right away. Don't know what happened there. I thought that if you copied it into notebook first it would work? Anyway I'll fix it sooner or later.
Also forgive me if I don't say anything about the other works yet, thought I am a big fan of all the work in these threads, I haven't really read any of these yet. Been to nervous about actually putting something in.
Anyway, hi. I hope I'll be coming in here more often to write.
Welcome, malkarris! I'm sure everyone here would say that everyone gets a bit of nerves when they post for the first time, but always remember that we aren't here to rip you down. We're here to enjoy each other's contributions, and are just as open to errors and being called on them as you.
So, kick off the shoes, pull up the typewriter/keyboard, and enjoy!
That was frakking hilarious, malkarris, especially the ending.
The setup kind of reminded me of a situation in the webcomic Schlock Mercenary, in which an ancient race, the F'sherl-ganni, had set up interstellar travel through a series of warp-gates - which, unbeknownst to the galaxy at large, created an exact copy of each person to go through them. (Usually, the gate-clones were interrogated for any useful information, then disposed of.) For reasons far too complex to go into here, one of the side-effects of the mercenary team Tagon's Toughs stopping this practice was the immediate release into the galaxy of somewhere around nine billion clones of a man named Gav, who'd had himself placed in cryogenic suspension in the 20th Century, and had been touring the galaxy since his thawing. He became the single largest ethnic group in the galaxy...
That was frakking hilarious, malkarris, especially the ending.
The setup kind of reminded me of a situation in the webcomic Schlock Mercenary, in which an ancient race, the F'sherl-ganni, had set up interstellar travel through a series of warp-gates - which, unbeknownst to the galaxy at large, created an exact copy of each person to go through them. (Usually, the gate-clones were interrogated for any useful information, then disposed of.) For reasons far too complex to go into here, one of the side-effects of the mercenary team Tagon's Toughs stopping this practice was the immediate release into the galaxy of somewhere around nine billion clones of a man named Gav, who'd had himself placed in cryogenic suspension in the 20th Century, and had been touring the galaxy since his thawing. He became the single largest ethnic group in the galaxy...
Not to mention the sudden upturn in demand for Guinness.
"It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better still to be a live lion. And usually easier." R.A.Heinlein
@ jonsills - that was a nice entry. I like how Nniol handles his situation - immediately falling back on years of experience while realizing this is probably freaking out Tovan.
I think you give people too much credit The other thing to consider, is that this is about fifty years after the end of the occupation, Bajor wouldn't necessarily need Federation help, and some may have viewed Hillel's vague efforts as condescending...
This is a good discussion.
I have always imagined that a fair portion of Bajorans will always be self-sufficient and resent outside help. But also consider that Hillel, a human, comes and talks about his personal interaction with the Gods. Most Bajorans probably rarely (if ever) have an Orb experience, and here is someone who claims to have something even more intimate - the Gods seeking him out? I can see that causing a lot of resentment.
Seriously, I don't think any author has the objectivity to rate their own work. We're too close/involved with it to see it from the outside. It's only when we see our work reflected back by others that we get an idea what it might actually be.
Excellent story. I really like the way you shape many of your major characters to deeply flawed individuals, and delving into Hillel made for some very interesting reading.
Thanks. I think I have a fair number of flawed individuals in real life for inspiration. (I may be one of them!)
My only complaints are speaking from 1st person perspective and not enough action between dialogue sequences, but they at a start..
I assume these are complaints against mine (since you haven't posted anything and mine was the one the person above you was talking about)? I could tell you what I really feel about first person narratives, but what fun would that be?
this is my first time in a while doing one of these. i want to become a writer in the future but not sure how well my story telling is, so any feed back would be helpful.
Thanx
Finally done with mine. This was a style I've wanted to do for some time, getting to see some of the Athena's crew when they're not on duty, but I haven't really had much of a chance to do so. Let me know what you all think
As an aside, I went to that "I write like" site as well, and I've gotten both Stephen King and Isaac Asimov for one entry each, but for most of my entries, including this one, I apparently have a similar style to Vladimir Nabokov (whom I have never heard of until I went to the site :rolleyes:)
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
As an aside, I went to that "I write like" site as well, and I've gotten both Stephen King and Isaac Asimov for one entry each, but for most of my entries, including this one, I apparently have a similar style to Vladimir Nabokov (whom I have never heard of until I went to the site :rolleyes:)
He wrote Lolita, unfortunately.
However, if you want to read a work of his that is more accessible and not so nasty, try Invitation to a Beheading.
Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM for more. :-) Proudly F2P.Signature image by gulberat. Avatar image by balsavor.deviantart.com.
@knighraider6 - that was insane! Several interesting references: Rush song, quote from "Airplane", Battlestar Galactica ... maybe more I can't recall them. Regardless, that was a thrilling read. Ponta = MVP.
@amurorx0 - grand visualizations imo. They remind me of things you might see in a good RP game of Exalted or some mecha anime like Escaflowne or even Gundam. Very neat stuff in there. It seems no matter the LC topic, we learn more about Cagalli.
@masopw - Ah, Q. Seriously, having the four versions face-to-face must have been a little challenging to write and I thin you did very well! Keep on writing for the LCs if this is a sample of what you can do!
Thank you, cmdrscarlet.
It's intimidating to just pop into a thread, opening one's stuff up for others. Will it be liked, or will others think it's a waste of bandwidth and hex you for wasting their time...
@indyv72 - V @gorvar1 - Although I am appreciating the Gorn more as I read LCs with that perspective, let me be honest to say the Krishna is my favorite of your crew. Older Klingons, as an idea, just have something about them that is just awesome and I think you have captured that essence well in this piece.
Thanks for the review Scarlet!
Gotta admit I enjoy writing Klingons, same goes for Romulans. Klingons got the warrior culture and Romulans the BSG feel, trying to find a home and all.
Ill try to put more of Krishna in next time
Finally have had the opportunity to catch up on all the entries. Real life can be so irritating when it dares to intrude on leisure activities...
I did enjoy each entry...there are some great stories here! My highlights:
--Grin of the week award #1 goes to wraithshadow13 for the line about injecting a dead body with somebody else's blood, and #2 goes to aten66's rubber ducky wearing Jem Hadar!
--"Chills up my back" award also goes to wraithshadow13 for the line about 'Holy Ground to these people...' In my personal experience, far enough removed, yet not far enough from today, that phrase usually indicates the direction from which to expect incoming fire. (Not trolling, folks...just making an observation based on life experience...)
--"Thanks for flaring up my PTSD" award #1 goes to patrickngo for that vivid debriefing. It's amazing at how many current era debriefs actually play out this way, 'stick to the script' bit and all. #2 award goes to superhombre777 for the depiction of the helplessness one can feel when overburdened by what they've been through...when it hurts so much that self deliverance even becomes an option to contemplate.
@shevet - great space battle! @gorvar1 - I wanna read more about Gorvar!
Misc. feedback (again, not trolling...online, what is intended as constructive feedback can be misconstrued as hostile. Even using emoticons doesn't take away what may be considered stinging words.):
--it's kind of difficult to read multicolored posts. I get the intent, but the execution is hard on aging eyes.
--formatting import errors can make a post virtually impossible to read.
--some interesting names for starships out there. Not sure that they would pass Starfleet's politically correct commissioning board!
--Starfleet's shown to have a naval tradition...using nautical terminology would keep me more in the story.
--if there's backstory to explain why something is different than established Trek 'canon', a brief exposition would be very helpful. (Just my personal preference...but not really a deal breaker. After all, there's nothing very 'canon' about having a Liberated Borg (or two), a Reman, a Breen, a Jem'Hadar, an android, *and* an Orion on a Starfleet vessel (that happens to be of Breen/Romulan/Dominion/Cardassian/Ferengi origin) where one becomes an Admiral (!) in under a year...)
I'm glad that I clicked on that link to check out these Literary Challenges...I look forward to future entries, and hope that you don't mind if I contribute if I can.
Pfft. I ran that story through that writer-comparison thing... apparently, I write like Douglas Adams. I certainly wasn't expecting that. Apparently, all those hordes of dead Nausicaans know where their towels are.
ETA - I ran the first chapter of one of my actual novels through it. It gave me Lewis Carroll, and after a moment's reflection I realized why - my protagonist's name is Alice. So, possibly, it's a bit simple-minded. Just possibly.
@knighraider6 - that was insane! Several interesting references: Rush song, quote from "Airplane", Battlestar Galactica ... maybe more I can't recall them. Regardless, that was a thrilling read. Ponta = MVP.
Glad you enjoyed it, I have half a mind to promote Ponta from Boff to character if I ever get another slot. Tellarites can be rude, stubborn, and rather fun to play.
--if there's backstory to explain why something is different than established Trek 'canon', a brief exposition would be very helpful.
I think a lot of folks do have some of that in their earlier entries to other challenges, and in some cases stand alone stories they've done. This has sort of woken up my muse enough though to actually start writing for stuff other than just the challenge, currently I'm doing Schrodi's backstory, to explain both why she's considered insane by some, and why she's also in command of a starship. I mean yes, IC the fleet is short of officers but someone who supposedly gets ideas from other realities generally wouldn't be put in charge of more than an inflatable dingy in the pool.
"It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better still to be a live lion. And usually easier." R.A.Heinlein
Pfft. I ran that story through that writer-comparison thing... apparently, I write like Douglas Adams. I certainly wasn't expecting that. Apparently, all those hordes of dead Nausicaans know where their towels are.
ETA - I ran the first chapter of one of my actual novels through it. It gave me Lewis Carroll, and after a moment's reflection I realized why - my protagonist's name is Alice. So, possibly, it's a bit simple-minded. Just possibly.
When I got Jane Austen as a result, I did wonder if it was because the peice featured mostly female characters
Finally done with mine. This was a style I've wanted to do for some time, getting to see some of the Athena's crew when they're not on duty, but I haven't really had much of a chance to do so. Let me know what you all think
As an aside, I went to that "I write like" site as well, and I've gotten both Stephen King and Isaac Asimov for one entry each, but for most of my entries, including this one, I apparently have a similar style to Vladimir Nabokov (whom I have never heard of until I went to the site :rolleyes:)
That was a really nice entry, it really showed that the Trek is all about the characters and their interpersonal relationships, not just technobabble and pew pew :cool: Actually, that is probably why you got Nabokov as a result, as his work reflects as much on individuals interactions and motivations, as their actions.
@whytelyon - NICE backstory! I really enjoy your use of the Borg-ravaged universe in "Parallels" as your springboard. Though I fear your friends won't find this reality than much better...
Thanks! Ironically, at least the planet of Romulus still exists in that universe?
@whytelyon - Great intro to the characters, coming from another reality that was similar yet different. What IS the rest of their history;)
Nothing like that, I'm afraid. Talon was her dad's best friend and ally even before the borg invasion; givin he _just_ died a bit ago (And he's got about 40 years on her) they have neither the time or inclination for that. Basically, It was Jehm, T'ran, and Talon who all acted as mentors for Terrana.
Though ironically, prime universe still has her parents alive... although given the change in circumstances, they never ended up having Terrana... yet. That's a bit awkward I suppose, when they encounter a half romulan/betazoid who happens to be named what they planned on naming their future daughter.... lol
Thanks for the reads, never did one of these before, I saw it was freestyle though so I figured i'd give it a shot.
-- I will do what I must to aid my family, friends, and fleet, in that order; no matter how many things, laws... or people... I have to break in order to do so. --
I'm glad that I clicked on that link to check out these Literary Challenges...I look forward to future entries, and hope that you don't mind if I contribute if I can.
Welcome to the challenges, and contribute as much as you like. For the most part i think people have posted, either in earlier stories or elsewhere on the forums, why they're crew is like they are. For my own personal stories, My actual played character is Wraith (my engineer character is also my Chief engineer). I had made the character back before being accepted into beta, but had to change some things when the origin story was done pretty much as the tutorial
*TUTORIAL SPOILER ALERT* As a genetically engineered supersoldier, there was no way to become a starfleet officer let alone captain unless command was assumed and proven under combat. Needless to say with the borg invasion of the colony as part of Captain Donovan's backstory, i had to change the name of the colony, but that was about it, so from there i decided that it would be best to change some things around so it didn't look like i was copying the tutorial so closely so i made the choice to leave him alive rather than kill him for wraith to assume command, but honestly it was the best decision as he's become such a big part of the crew.
If you ever find the down time and feel like reading more of these, you can always go back to the older posts. Mine start at 11 and are a little tough to read, but they get better and they follow a linear storyline marked by their Star Date.
So again welcome to the challenges and thank you for the feedback.
That was a really nice entry, it really showed that the Trek is all about the characters and their interpersonal relationships, not just technobabble and pew pew :cool: Actually, that is probably why you got Nabokov as a result, as his work reflects as much on individuals interactions and motivations, as their actions.
Thanks! I like to think that a great story comes from good characters, so that's how I tend to approach my entries to the LC's.
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
@ ironphoenix113 - I find it interesting that you frequently write happy romantic pieces while I frequently write depressing ones where people's relationships are broken. Your stuff is much more positive and optimistic than mine!
@ asardetemplari - referring to J'mpok as "Jimmy" is funny. Here's a suggestion - having the narrator say "I" in the battle scenes when he/she is talking about a ship is confusing. The narrator didn't physically ram the Scimitar - he/she had the ship ram the Scimitar. The sentences below would make more sense if you substituted "I" with something more appropriate, like the ship's name.
I had the Chel Grett scout ahead while the Prometheus and I were busy with or separation sequences...
Then I ordered the Prometheus, the saucer and I to directly engage the Scimitar as the Chel Grett fired the energy dissipator. ...In a last ditch effort, I rammed the other Scimitar, killing the command crew of the large warbird. That's actually what killed my crew.
So, I'm happy to report that I had more writing time than I had before this week. A big part of it was that one of my family members was in hospital for a week (she's okay now), and in addition to all of the stress around that, it became my sole responsibility to take care of the family dog during that time.
If I do manage to write something, it will have to be something short and to the point. I'm also still trying to finish off the piece of Arkos and crew getting a new ship (and being the king of indecision that I am, I'm stuck trying to decide between my in-game heavy cruiser and assault cruiser for the LC's, and whether or not to add a certain crew member that I know none of the rest of the crew will like at all...)
I haven't had the opportunity to read that many entries, but from the few I have read:
shevet: Wonderfully described battle scenes! I liked the buildup to the whole operation, and especially liked the way you wrote Kophil and and Amiga, and Tylha herself, as usual, was a source of wonderfully detailed narration and character depth. The overall battle was great, and I like the bit of reveal you gave for Tylha's backstory near the end. Overall, great job!
patrickngo: Yay, more of Enrico Montoya! I actually like that you went out of your way to write a piece explaining how and why Drake Tran eventually joined the Maquis. Its a very nice prequel to all of your other stories.
superhombre777: Interesting twist at the end there! Although I had mixed feelings towards Hillel throughout the whole story-- on the one hand, I felt sorry for him going through that whole futile time on Bajor because of his experience in the wormhole, but on the other hand, I felt it a bit selfish that he had to drag his wife and daughter through the whole ordeal as well.
danquelier: Nice to see more of your Romulan crew! Very nice description of Risa, and I like the way you set up the conflict between Tosik and Rycho. Though more than anything else, I'm now more curious about Xa'Jev and the Meguli species as a whole.
@ ironphoenix113 - I find it interesting that you frequently write happy romantic pieces while I frequently write depressing ones where people's relationships are broken. Your stuff is much more positive and optimistic than mine!
.
Heh, I've got more than a few ideas for entries that would be much less optimistic.
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
I think this one is kind of a cheat on my part, It's written as the first entry from but not with my KDF captain, but at the same time it heavily involves my Federation character. Either way it follows in the recent storyline i've been doing. I like to keep it all linear. Anyway this entry brings it more into an action episode. Please let me know what you guys think.
I think this one is kind of a cheat on my part, It's written as the first entry from but not with my KDF captain, but at the same time it heavily involves my Federation character. Either way it follows in the recent storyline i've been doing. I like to keep it all linear. Anyway this entry brings it more into an action episode. Please let me know what you guys think.
That was fantastic :eek: I almost felt sorry for Wraith: Going to answer a door in curiosity, only to get beaten up in the toilet, but it was so well told from Krotious' point of view that I really wanted him to kill him
Comments
I really like all of them but this one, you gave a really good explanation for every Romulan ship having a Tovan. The Khev family is huge and this story and the way you ended with Rinna was great.
Well done.
Welcome, malkarris! I'm sure everyone here would say that everyone gets a bit of nerves when they post for the first time, but always remember that we aren't here to rip you down. We're here to enjoy each other's contributions, and are just as open to errors and being called on them as you.
So, kick off the shoes, pull up the typewriter/keyboard, and enjoy!
The setup kind of reminded me of a situation in the webcomic Schlock Mercenary, in which an ancient race, the F'sherl-ganni, had set up interstellar travel through a series of warp-gates - which, unbeknownst to the galaxy at large, created an exact copy of each person to go through them. (Usually, the gate-clones were interrogated for any useful information, then disposed of.) For reasons far too complex to go into here, one of the side-effects of the mercenary team Tagon's Toughs stopping this practice was the immediate release into the galaxy of somewhere around nine billion clones of a man named Gav, who'd had himself placed in cryogenic suspension in the 20th Century, and had been touring the galaxy since his thawing. He became the single largest ethnic group in the galaxy...
Not to mention the sudden upturn in demand for Guinness.
"he's as dangerous as a ferret with a chainsaw."
The relevant Schlock Mercenary strip.
This is a good discussion.
I have always imagined that a fair portion of Bajorans will always be self-sufficient and resent outside help. But also consider that Hillel, a human, comes and talks about his personal interaction with the Gods. Most Bajorans probably rarely (if ever) have an Orb experience, and here is someone who claims to have something even more intimate - the Gods seeking him out? I can see that causing a lot of resentment.
I agree.
Thanks. I think I have a fair number of flawed individuals in real life for inspiration. (I may be one of them!)
I assume these are complaints against mine (since you haven't posted anything and mine was the one the person above you was talking about)? I could tell you what I really feel about first person narratives, but what fun would that be?
Thanx
Fed: http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?t=780321
RR: http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?p=12150781#post12150781
KDF: http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?t=784941
As an aside, I went to that "I write like" site as well, and I've gotten both Stephen King and Isaac Asimov for one entry each, but for most of my entries, including this one, I apparently have a similar style to Vladimir Nabokov (whom I have never heard of until I went to the site :rolleyes:)
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
He wrote Lolita, unfortunately.
However, if you want to read a work of his that is more accessible and not so nasty, try Invitation to a Beheading.
Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM for more. :-)
Proudly F2P. Signature image by gulberat. Avatar image by balsavor.deviantart.com.
@amurorx0 - grand visualizations imo. They remind me of things you might see in a good RP game of Exalted or some mecha anime like Escaflowne or even Gundam. Very neat stuff in there. It seems no matter the LC topic, we learn more about Cagalli.
Thank you, cmdrscarlet.
It's intimidating to just pop into a thread, opening one's stuff up for others. Will it be liked, or will others think it's a waste of bandwidth and hex you for wasting their time...
Thanks for the review Scarlet!
Gotta admit I enjoy writing Klingons, same goes for Romulans. Klingons got the warrior culture and Romulans the BSG feel, trying to find a home and all.
Ill try to put more of Krishna in next time
I did enjoy each entry...there are some great stories here! My highlights:
--Grin of the week award #1 goes to wraithshadow13 for the line about injecting a dead body with somebody else's blood, and #2 goes to aten66's rubber ducky wearing Jem Hadar!
--"Chills up my back" award also goes to wraithshadow13 for the line about 'Holy Ground to these people...' In my personal experience, far enough removed, yet not far enough from today, that phrase usually indicates the direction from which to expect incoming fire. (Not trolling, folks...just making an observation based on life experience...)
--"Thanks for flaring up my PTSD" award #1 goes to patrickngo for that vivid debriefing. It's amazing at how many current era debriefs actually play out this way, 'stick to the script' bit and all. #2 award goes to superhombre777 for the depiction of the helplessness one can feel when overburdened by what they've been through...when it hurts so much that self deliverance even becomes an option to contemplate.
@shevet - great space battle!
@gorvar1 - I wanna read more about Gorvar!
Misc. feedback (again, not trolling...online, what is intended as constructive feedback can be misconstrued as hostile. Even using emoticons doesn't take away what may be considered stinging words.):
--it's kind of difficult to read multicolored posts. I get the intent, but the execution is hard on aging eyes.
--formatting import errors can make a post virtually impossible to read.
--some interesting names for starships out there. Not sure that they would pass Starfleet's politically correct commissioning board!
--Starfleet's shown to have a naval tradition...using nautical terminology would keep me more in the story.
--if there's backstory to explain why something is different than established Trek 'canon', a brief exposition would be very helpful. (Just my personal preference...but not really a deal breaker. After all, there's nothing very 'canon' about having a Liberated Borg (or two), a Reman, a Breen, a Jem'Hadar, an android, *and* an Orion on a Starfleet vessel (that happens to be of Breen/Romulan/Dominion/Cardassian/Ferengi origin) where one becomes an Admiral (!) in under a year...)
I'm glad that I clicked on that link to check out these Literary Challenges...I look forward to future entries, and hope that you don't mind if I contribute if I can.
ETA - I ran the first chapter of one of my actual novels through it. It gave me Lewis Carroll, and after a moment's reflection I realized why - my protagonist's name is Alice. So, possibly, it's a bit simple-minded. Just possibly.
Glad you enjoyed it, I have half a mind to promote Ponta from Boff to character if I ever get another slot. Tellarites can be rude, stubborn, and rather fun to play.
I think a lot of folks do have some of that in their earlier entries to other challenges, and in some cases stand alone stories they've done. This has sort of woken up my muse enough though to actually start writing for stuff other than just the challenge, currently I'm doing Schrodi's backstory, to explain both why she's considered insane by some, and why she's also in command of a starship. I mean yes, IC the fleet is short of officers but someone who supposedly gets ideas from other realities generally wouldn't be put in charge of more than an inflatable dingy in the pool.
"he's as dangerous as a ferret with a chainsaw."
When I got Jane Austen as a result, I did wonder if it was because the peice featured mostly female characters
PS Fantastic entry as always :cool:
That was a really nice entry, it really showed that the Trek is all about the characters and their interpersonal relationships, not just technobabble and pew pew :cool: Actually, that is probably why you got Nabokov as a result, as his work reflects as much on individuals interactions and motivations, as their actions.
Thanks! Ironically, at least the planet of Romulus still exists in that universe?
Nothing like that, I'm afraid. Talon was her dad's best friend and ally even before the borg invasion; givin he _just_ died a bit ago (And he's got about 40 years on her) they have neither the time or inclination for that. Basically, It was Jehm, T'ran, and Talon who all acted as mentors for Terrana.
Though ironically, prime universe still has her parents alive... although given the change in circumstances, they never ended up having Terrana... yet. That's a bit awkward I suppose, when they encounter a half romulan/betazoid who happens to be named what they planned on naming their future daughter.... lol
Thanks for the reads, never did one of these before, I saw it was freestyle though so I figured i'd give it a shot.
Welcome to the challenges, and contribute as much as you like. For the most part i think people have posted, either in earlier stories or elsewhere on the forums, why they're crew is like they are. For my own personal stories, My actual played character is Wraith (my engineer character is also my Chief engineer). I had made the character back before being accepted into beta, but had to change some things when the origin story was done pretty much as the tutorial
*TUTORIAL SPOILER ALERT*
As a genetically engineered supersoldier, there was no way to become a starfleet officer let alone captain unless command was assumed and proven under combat. Needless to say with the borg invasion of the colony as part of Captain Donovan's backstory, i had to change the name of the colony, but that was about it, so from there i decided that it would be best to change some things around so it didn't look like i was copying the tutorial so closely so i made the choice to leave him alive rather than kill him for wraith to assume command, but honestly it was the best decision as he's become such a big part of the crew.
If you ever find the down time and feel like reading more of these, you can always go back to the older posts. Mine start at 11 and are a little tough to read, but they get better and they follow a linear storyline marked by their Star Date.
So again welcome to the challenges and thank you for the feedback.
Thanks!
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
Always wondered what my bridge officers did while they were off-duty, so here we go.
@ asardetemplari - referring to J'mpok as "Jimmy" is funny. Here's a suggestion - having the narrator say "I" in the battle scenes when he/she is talking about a ship is confusing. The narrator didn't physically ram the Scimitar - he/she had the ship ram the Scimitar. The sentences below would make more sense if you substituted "I" with something more appropriate, like the ship's name.
If I do manage to write something, it will have to be something short and to the point. I'm also still trying to finish off the piece of Arkos and crew getting a new ship (and being the king of indecision that I am, I'm stuck trying to decide between my in-game heavy cruiser and assault cruiser for the LC's, and whether or not to add a certain crew member that I know none of the rest of the crew will like at all...)
I haven't had the opportunity to read that many entries, but from the few I have read:
shevet: Wonderfully described battle scenes! I liked the buildup to the whole operation, and especially liked the way you wrote Kophil and and Amiga, and Tylha herself, as usual, was a source of wonderfully detailed narration and character depth. The overall battle was great, and I like the bit of reveal you gave for Tylha's backstory near the end. Overall, great job!
patrickngo: Yay, more of Enrico Montoya! I actually like that you went out of your way to write a piece explaining how and why Drake Tran eventually joined the Maquis. Its a very nice prequel to all of your other stories.
superhombre777: Interesting twist at the end there! Although I had mixed feelings towards Hillel throughout the whole story-- on the one hand, I felt sorry for him going through that whole futile time on Bajor because of his experience in the wormhole, but on the other hand, I felt it a bit selfish that he had to drag his wife and daughter through the whole ordeal as well.
danquelier: Nice to see more of your Romulan crew! Very nice description of Risa, and I like the way you set up the conflict between Tosik and Rycho. Though more than anything else, I'm now more curious about Xa'Jev and the Meguli species as a whole.
Heh, I've got more than a few ideas for entries that would be much less optimistic.
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
An excellent wrap to the previous entry :cool: Although Dylen was rather well behaved this time...
That was fantastic :eek: I almost felt sorry for Wraith: Going to answer a door in curiosity, only to get beaten up in the toilet, but it was so well told from Krotious' point of view that I really wanted him to kill him