wraithshadow: Wow, that fight scene was intense! I was easily able to visualize the whole thing. Really awesome-- I liked Krotious' narration all throughout. As patrickngo said, I'm eager to see more of him in the future.
flightofcrimson: I actually laughed out loud while reading yours. I love how you exposed all of the neat little canonical irregularities in the game with that one casual conversation (and let's not forget how half of Starfleet seems to be using alien vessels/technology, how widespread assimilated tech is, etc).
Inspired by patrickngo's entry, I have revised parts of my previously mentioned entry, restructuring the dialogue between Alix and Marcus to better clarify his situation on Bajor, which I felt was not clear enough, and which gives another insight into Alix's life. I also revised the very end to include a little more rationalisation on Marcus' part rather than mere angst. As I mentioned when first posting, this entry deals with Adult Themes and scenarios. If you feel you would be offended or disturbed by reading about such themes please do not follow the link.
Just read this and wanted to say, it's really good. Was not expecting that twist with the sister.
Very nice.
Just read this and wanted to say, it's really good. Was not expecting that twist with the sister.
Very nice.
Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it To which twist are you referring? Pretty much all the elements and events had been previously referenced in past entries, and to be honest, I'd always thought it would be an episod I wouldn't write, but the real twist for me, was when I realised that this would be one of those NCIS moments, and Marcus would be looking like the prime suspect in a murder
Inspired by patrickngo's entry, I have revised parts of my previously mentioned entry, restructuring the dialogue between Alix and Marcus to better clarify his situation on Bajor, which I felt was not clear enough, and which gives another insight into Alix's life. I also revised the very end to include a little more rationalisation on Marcus' part rather than mere angst. As I mentioned when first posting, this entry deals with Adult Themes and scenarios. If you feel you would be offended or disturbed by reading about such themes please do not follow the link.
Just read it again. Still really great! :cool:
Reading it a second time actually gave me a slightly different...perspective? on Alix's personality. To me, she seems less "insane" as it were, and more of emotionally immature. Mentally, she is obviously a smart girl, given the fact that she knows that her relationship with Marcus is commonly frowned upon, however, she is emotionally incapable of bonding that intimately with another, possibly due to the loss of their mother. Just my (very) unprofessional opinion of course Still, great entry.
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
flightofcrimson: I actually laughed out loud while reading yours. I love how you exposed all of the neat little canonical irregularities in the game with that one casual conversation (and let's not forget how half of Starfleet seems to be using alien vessels/technology, how widespread assimilated tech is, etc).
Yeah, it's funny. Although those irregularities are really just there so we get more freedom and a greater sense of fun. However, Starfleet might accept chucking alien technology onto their ships - they are quite lenient, even in canon. And it is a time of war.
Reading it a second time actually gave me a slightly different...perspective? on Alix's personality. To me, she seems less "insane" as it were, and more of emotionally immature. Mentally, she is obviously a smart girl, given the fact that she knows that her relationship with Marcus is commonly frowned upon, however, she is emotionally incapable of bonding that intimately with another, possibly due to the loss of their mother. Just my (very) unprofessional opinion of course Still, great entry. :-)
Thanks I felt the section about Bajor needed expanding, as it only vaguely made sense to someone who knew Marcus' career history, and I wanted to make it clear to a first-time reader that he had been there at two different times. I think I made this observation to Sander, but I think the kindest way to describe Alix is 'high functioning autistic'. While she could probably just about pass as normal to a casual observer, any extended contact would show her other socially awkward traits and unintentional snarkiness. I tried to show more of her history, which the hints pointed to, that she studied economics at Harvard, before spending six years at the Bank of Bolius (Huge financial institution) before taking a senior position at their deceased father's engineering/weapons development company. Her bond to Marcus was very strong even before their mother's death (who Alix always resented, although ironically she made Marcus copy their mother's tattoo onto her shoulderblade at seventeen, in tribute to her) and the nature of the bond simply evolved as they got older. Although being raised with a sibling usually precludes GSA, in Alix's case, the in utero re-writing of her DNA lead to the same inappropriately provocative behaviour as Lauren exhibited, just with a more specific focus, and Marcus was simply so desperate for any kind of female contact (due to their mother's death) he didn't have the will power to refuse. This entry does shed some light onto his initial resistance though :cool:
@shevet - Amazing writing. That was A LOT of space combat and I soaked up every word. Now that I know you wrote a novel I feel better about my writing abilities :P
I've got the others printed out to read later. I'm swamped at work now so I'll get to what I can over the next couple of days.
For my own piece: it was meant to be used for LC 4, but then it got rewritten ... and rewritten ... and rewritten ... Basically, a few LCs ago I put Kathryn into a strange place personality-wise I could not resolve within the LC at the time. I've struggled to figure a way to explain her motivation and I thought, sometimes you just have to say it.
Well I still haven't
Anyway, I wanted to post something and this is what I came up with in the time I had available. I hope you enjoy.
Just a heads-up to marcusdkane--none of what Alyosha thinks and says in this piece should be any surprise to you based on our private exchanges. Please just know that none of it reflects upon you or your writing.
It was also an interesting exercise to attempt to project what it to me a "foreign" culture 400 years into the future, with at least 300 of those years being under a different system of government than anything previously experienced in Russia's history. Whether I have correctly given the sense of people with the cultural heritage we know in our world, while still showing the effects of so much passage of time will be up to those in a better position to judge than myself. (I often feel, seeing the Americans on the show, that there is something familiar and yet changed about them, with the exception of Archer, who seems more "familiar.")
One final note: if you're wondering why Alyosha gives the day for Christmas that he does, please remember that the Orthodox Church uses the Julian calendar--and that by 2409 Christmas will have slipped a few more days forward from its current position of January 7th. I checked a perpetual calendar.
Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM for more. :-) Proudly F2P.Signature image by gulberat. Avatar image by balsavor.deviantart.com.
Just a heads-up to marcusdkane--none of what Alyosha thinks and says in this piece should be any surprise to you based on our private exchanges. Please just know that none of it reflects upon you or your writing.
It was also an interesting exercise to attempt to project what it to me a "foreign" culture 400 years into the future, with at least 300 of those years being under a different system of government than anything previously experienced in Russia's history. Whether I have correctly given the sense of people with the cultural heritage we know in our world, while still showing the effects of so much passage of time will be up to those in a better position to judge than myself. (I often feel, seeing the Americans on the show, that there is something familiar and yet changed about them, with the exception of Archer, who seems more "familiar.")
One final note: if you're wondering why Alyosha gives the day for Christmas that he does, please remember that the Orthodox Church uses the Julian calendar--and that by 2409 Christmas will have slipped a few more days forward from its current position of January 7th. I checked a perpetual calendar.
A fantastic entry, and of course, no offence is taken, as Alyosha's opinion of Marcus is indeed known to me The one thing I would say, is that I would have thought that after the incident at Khitomer, he might have taken the opportunity to speak to S'rR's and ascertain not only the truth of their relationship for himself, but a better understanding that biologically, she would just about be identifiable as a blood relative, but parent/sibling/cousin would be impossible to determine as the majority of her biology is Pentaxian I only have a half-gripe about the story itself: It does not feature the board of inquiry, but, I also find that a fortunate irony, for reasons you will see when I upload my own entry within the next hour, God willing
This may represent a failing on Alyosha's part...but I think that he is already certain of the truth of it. And I am not sure he was thrilled with the idea of a conversation beyond the professional with Siri. While he considers Marcus to bear greater responsibility than Siri, he does consider her to bear some responsibility as well. I suspect that he became aware through other channels of Siri's biological relation. But blood kinship is less important to him given his own upbringing than the relationship itself, which he views as sinful due to inherent imbalance in addition to blood kinship.
I think he is almost thankful the crisis on Khitomer blanked out extraneous factors during the time he interacted with her.
I just hope that Alyosha's handling of the situation when his foster mother brought up Kane met expectations.
As for the lack of the board...it was partly time constraints and partly uncertainty as to how to write a military investigation.
Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM for more. :-) Proudly F2P.Signature image by gulberat. Avatar image by balsavor.deviantart.com.
Cutting it close to the deadline, but here is my piece of free-writing, a collaboration between myself and superhombre777, with additional input from sander233 :cool: I shall be removing the random *s after a good night's sleep...
For ease of reference/visualization, here're the actors I would cast if I was filming this tomorrow...
Ch'Raul - Guy Pierce
T'Panna - Minka Kelly
Amanda Palmer - Courteney Cox
Isabella Hillel - Olga Kurylenko
Yair Hillel - Rudolf Martin
Alice - Ellen Page
Jedda Tobin - Charlotte Rampling
Jac Cheliss - Timothy Dalton
Xon - David Gautreaux
Sen Joran -Sharlto Copley
Ethan Rhodes - Ben McKenzie
Claire - Lacey Chabert
Paul Channery - Dane Cook
Brandon Mayer - Jason Lewis
Will Mayer - Milo Ventimiglia
Miguel Jarvis - Antonio Banderas
April Devanaeux - Melissa Rauch
Todd Mitchell - Thomas Dekker
Ael t'Kazanak - Cobie Smulders
S'rR's Kane - Amy Smart
Meliden Bowen - Eve Myles
Special Guest Appearance courtesy of sander233
Frank Grimes - Edward Norton
The description of the Vanguard is entirely inspired by the Perpetual STO concept art by John Eaves.
Cutting it close to the deadline, but here is my piece of free-writing, a collaboration between myself and superhombre777, with additional input from sander233 :cool: I shall be removing the random *s after a good night's sleep....
I must say I'm extremely pleased by the way that all unfolded, the integration of superhombre's storylines and especially by the surprise twist endings.
I'd actually only intended to skim your entry to check for any inconsistencies I'd need to resolve with my draft of The Road, but I found the story so engaging and immersive I read it trough twice! :P
Concerning inconsistencies, there was no distress call from the Tiburon due to subspace interference from the gateway, but that's something Grimes probably would've lied about to cover up the real reason he's in such a rush to get to Moab...
Speaking of The Road, I'm putting the finishing touches on Part VI now, and after a quick read-through edit I should have it ready to post in the next few hours. Once that's done, I'll finally get to read and comment on everyone else's recent entries, and maybe even toss in a little something of my own. :cool:
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
are we allowed to go back and post to older threads? i'm not sure how that works and if we're allowed to post or if that's still necroing the threads. i'm debating going back and filling out some of the older challenges.
Parts 6 and 7 of The Road to Ruin are now up. :cool: They are the last two posts on page 4 of the thread.
I decided at the last minute to split this latest chapter when I realized how long it had gotten - 45 pages in MS Word :eek: - way too long for most people to read in one sitting. 25 pages is more manageable, right?
Special thanks to mdk for the opportunity cross-collaborate between this and his (and superhombre's) latest entry here in LC 45.
Now that I've got that done and the plug is out of the way, comments on what the rest o' y'all have been up to...
@shevat - that was a really awesome story. The first thought that crossed my mind though, was "What kind of name is Spirits of Earth for an Andorian escort? You'll have to explain that one. :P I really enjoyed the staging scenes where Shohl gets her task force together, and assigns command positions to all of her present and former bridge officers on all her ships. One of these days I'll have to get Admiral LaRoca's whole ConOps Task Force together to do some damage - assuming he makes it to the end of the road of course. The action itself was brisk and balanced and highly enjoyable. But you gotta talk to somebody about your combat builds... I mean, wing phaser cannons and plasma beam array? Disruptors and Scorpions? That's a lot of wasted damage potential...
@ccmurphy - that was a very interesting story. A bit hard to read though. Would you please consider adding line breaks between paragraphs and dialogue parts? It would go a long way toward improving readability.
@ironphoenix - very nice way to check in a little on Bryan's crew and his own relationships. I was expecting to see Risa though...
@asardetemplari - great little piece. Checking in on that rogue captain of yours and explaining where all those damned scamitars came from. Very well done.
@flamesight - Excellent job writing a continuation piece that holds up as a stand-alone story. Also:
"Hmm," Dylen grumbled. "So that's what purple tastes like."
...I see what you did there...
@wraithshadow - you might be cheating, posting a second entry, but I suspect this LC going to be extended and besides, that story was really good. Awesome rivalry you established there for Wraith. I can't wait to see where that goes.
@armada - way to make a splash with that first entry. Fascinating stuff! BTW I'm surprised your username wasn't already taken...
@rageflip - that was a highly intriguing log entry. My curiosity is officially piqued.
@cmdrscarlet - that might be the most unique approach to a backstory I've ever read. Very simple, but effective, like a stick with a nail through it. The subtle juxtapositions of Yes No Maybe was a brilliant touch. Oh, and
Hesperus
...I see what you did there...
@gulberat - another beautiful piece. I very much enjoyed seeing Alyosha at home with his folks - more than he did, obviously. I'm not sure if you're doing this purposefully or not, but Alyosha's constant worrying about what other people may think of him seems rather obsessive. Fascinatingly so. The poor guy can never just relax, it seems.
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
are we allowed to go back and post to older threads? i'm not sure how that works and if we're allowed to post or if that's still necroing the threads. i'm debating going back and filling out some of the older challenges.
I believe LCs are an exception to the necro rule. At least, I've never gotten in trouble for it...
You can use LC #40 as a catch-all for LCs 1-39 so at least you won't be digging up stuff from 2010...
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
For my own piece: it was meant to be used for LC 4, but then it got rewritten ... and rewritten ... and rewritten ... Basically, a few LCs ago I put Kathryn into a strange place personality-wise I could not resolve within the LC at the time. I've struggled to figure a way to explain her motivation and I thought, sometimes you just have to say it.
Well I still haven't
Anyway, I wanted to post something and this is what I came up with in the time I had available. I hope you enjoy.
This may represent a failing on Alyosha's part...but I think that he is already certain of the truth of it. And I am not sure he was thrilled with the idea of a conversation beyond the professional with Siri. While he considers Marcus to bear greater responsibility than Siri, he does consider her to bear some responsibility as well. I suspect that he became aware through other channels of Siri's biological relation. But blood kinship is less important to him given his own upbringing than the relationship itself, which he views as sinful due to inherent imbalance in addition to blood kinship.
I think he is almost thankful the crisis on Khitomer blanked out extraneous factors during the time he interacted with her.
I just hope that Alyosha's handling of the situation when his foster mother brought up Kane met expectations.
As for the lack of the board...it was partly time constraints and partly uncertainty as to how to write a military investigation.
And that's where he would be wrong Although Marcus had the greater moral failing for not rejecting her advances (and there's no denying that when it comes to women, he had some very deep-rooted issues) she was well over her species majority, emotionally imprinted, as is her species trait, and in circumstances expected to never improve... I think to use the term 'abuse' is inaccurate, as not truly an abuse of power, as she was the instigator not him... Like some opinions of Nabokov's Lolita, Marcus is an example of a weak man seduced by a deeply manipulative temptress. I think it would only be a failing for Alyosha if he was to condemn I'sH'd for his own distaste for S'rR's, even though I can understand why he would hold the view he has as a fostered individual... The thing I do disagree with, is that Alyosha claimed it is not his place to judge, yet not only does (as is only human nature) but 'ratted him out' to his mother
I have to admit, I had to do a lot of research into US Navy JAG procedures to get the 'formally required phrases' correct, but equally, I've wanted to write a court scene for some months. I definitely find it an irony that we posted inquiry-related pieces on the same day :cool:
I must say I'm extremely pleased by the way that all unfolded, the integration of superhombre's storylines and especially by the surprise twist endings.
I'd actually only intended to skim your entry to check for any inconsistencies I'd need to resolve with my draft of The Road, but I found the story so engaging and immersive I read it trough twice! :-P
Concerning inconsistencies, there was no distress call from the Tiburon due to subspace interference from the gateway, but that's something Grimes probably would've lied about to cover up the real reason he's in such a rush to get to Moab...
Speaking of The Road, I'm putting the finishing touches on Part VI now, and after a quick read-through edit I should have it ready to post in the next few hours. Once that's done, I'll finally get to read and comment on everyone else's recent entries, and maybe even toss in a little something of my own.
I'm glad you found it so engrossing ^_^ It was fun to write, and not as much of a challenge as I'd anticipated. I hope Channery came across as a worthy nemesis ^_^
Parts 6 and 7 of The Road to Ruin are now up. : They are the last two posts on page 4 of the thread.
I decided at the last minute to split this latest chapter when I realized how long it had gotten - 45 pages in MS Word - way too long for most people to read in one sitting. 25 pages is more manageable, right?
Special thanks to mdk for the opportunity cross-collaborate between this and his (and superhombre's) latest entry here in LC 45.
:eek:
PART VIII!!! PART VIII!!!
Can't believe T'Pinna wound up getting RedShirt treatment
Right, so, here's mine. I had actually written a lot more than this in progress, with more new crew members being introduced, but I decided to just post the first bits of it in the interest of time/not driving myself crazy. Maybe at a later date, I'll post the entire thing as a separate story, but for now, I'm just glad to introduce Arkos' new ship (and security officer).
And that's where he would be wrong Although Marcus had the greater moral failing for not rejecting her advances (and there's no denying that when it comes to women, he had some very deep-rooted issues) she was well over her species majority, emotionally imprinted, as is her species trait, and in circumstances expected to never improve... I think to use the term 'abuse' is inaccurate, as not truly an abuse of power, as she was the instigator not him...
But as the adult he was in a position to decisively curb inappropriate behavior that (IMHO) was rooted in a childhood psychological condition that should have instead been treated. The imprinting did occur while she was a minor even if the actual act occurred after the age of majority, after all.
Like some opinions of Nabokov's Lolita, Marcus is an example of a weak man seduced by a deeply manipulative temptress.
You definitely do not want me to get into that discussion, and I don't think Branflakes would like it either.
I think it would only be a failing for Alyosha if he was to condemn I'sH'd for his own distaste for S'rR's, even though I can understand why he would hold the view he has as a fostered individual...
Alyosha believes (incorrectly) that I'sH'd's evident dislike was of a professional nature: he thinks I'sH'd sees Siri as a draft dodger or otherwise disloyal, for choosing Starfleet over the Pentaxian Militia. He disagrees with the idea that she's a traitor, but can at least understand where someone belonging to an insular "nation" might have come to such a view.
So no worries, as long as this misperception stays uncorrected, about Alyosha condemning I'sH'd.
If he found out it was (as he would perceive it) unquestioned racism, I think he would be disappointed if I'sH'd did not work to overcome instinct with intellect.
The thing I do disagree with, is that Alyosha claimed it is not his place to judge, yet not only does (as is only human nature) but 'ratted him out' to his mother
Not sure who initially told Mrs. Azarov--if it was Alyosha, or a tabloid. Something tells me Kane's actions would've been major tabloid fodder...I figured it was all over the media and wrote on that assumption.
Either way...yeah, his restraint only went so far, and all he could do was answer in a way that would discourage further discussion. I'm afraid what you saw was his best in that regard. :-/
I have to admit, I had to do a lot of research into US Navy JAG procedures to get the 'formally required phrases' correct, but equally, I've wanted to write a court scene for some months. I definitely find it an irony that we posted inquiry-related pieces on the same day :cool:
Indeed. If I ever write the Board of Inquiry proper, I may have to ask a relative who is familiar with Air Force accident investigation procedures.
@gulberat - another beautiful piece. I very much enjoyed seeing Alyosha at home with his folks - more than he did, obviously. I'm not sure if you're doing this purposefully or not, but Alyosha's constant worrying about what other people may think of him seems rather obsessive. Fascinatingly so. The poor guy can never just relax, it seems.
You've seen moments where the issue has come to the fore, for sure. But his fears are not unfounded. Since his story hasn't been posted in chronological order, I'll give you the history in order...
When he was initially found, he was pretty much taken on his own merits since the Devidian species wasn't known other than himself. Citizenship, age of majority considerations, and so forth were a matter for the Russian courts, and were handled in a reasonable, appropriate manner by the judges in question.
The year he arrived at the Academy was when the events of "Time's Arrow" took place. Starfleet conducted a deeper cross-referencing of their records after Picard's return, and realized that a cadet at the Academy matched the records for the aggressive, neural-energy-eating species involved in the temporal incursion. This resulted in a very nasty meeting between the Academy commandant (who wanted him kicked out and almost did so), Alyosha, and his foster parents. Alyosha was allowed to continue, but very much on probation. He saw attitudes of those professor(s) who did know his nature change noticeably. (Please note that I view Starfleet Academy in the 2360's and 2370's as a corrupt environment based on numerous occurrences with Nova Squadron and Red Squad.)
What spared him ultimately from getting kicked out was the onset of the Dominion Cold War and the Dominion War proper. When Starfleet Intelligence keyed into the fact that they had an individual with a trait no Founder could mimic (his phase shift), they demanded he become a courier for top-secret orders. They wanted to use him in this role even though he was training for the sciences. This, again, was very obvious, and whether he would be allowed to serve postwar was in doubt.
He was not allowed the same freedoms that others in his position were, though, until (then) Captain Kane intervened on his behalf and requested him for a mission, and saw what he was really like as a person.
Kane then secured Alyosha a science posting after the war on the Endeavour.
Nonetheless, resistance was often encountered when attempting to promote him, despite his good performance reviews. The hardest was his promotion to captain, which Captain Teeglar and Admirals Kane and Quinn had to come together and fight hard for, to make it happen. There were those in the admiralty who still did not care for his presence (T'Nae being a strong candidate for being one of those individuals) and were trying to get rid of him.
He's also had some unpleasant involvement with Section 31, particularly with the incident seen in the Devidian Arc on STO (where Drake knowingly picked a Devidian captain, knowing full well he'd draw insane amounts of attention from the Devidians and put his crew at risk), and the kidnapping attempt on Khitomer. The former incident also led to his exposure in front of a group of NCO's when he was forced to fight hand-to-hand with a Devidian boarding party and was pushed out of phase and out of his human form. The aftermath unfortunately included one officer so furious at the "betrayal" of his CO that he ended up being transferred off of the Chin'toka.
So unfortunately, Alyosha's fears aren't without basis, as my Starfleet does still have some speciesist people in its ranks. :-/
Perhaps in contrast to recent history, and even modern-day history, the civilian authorities of the Russian Federation have proven much more even-handed and principled in their treatment of him than Starfleet has at times. Alyosha, however, is still determined to serve...even though it means he must pass as human to do so.
Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM for more. :-) Proudly F2P.Signature image by gulberat. Avatar image by balsavor.deviantart.com.
Right, so, here's mine. I had actually written a lot more than this in progress, with more new crew members being introduced, but I decided to just post the first bits of it in the interest of time/not driving myself crazy. Maybe at a later date, I'll post the entire thing as a separate story, but for now, I'm just glad to introduce Arkos' new ship (and security officer).
I don't know which of those impressed me more... Probably Brax. I really enjoyed his reasons for enlisting in Starfleet, and the "hypothetical" arrangements he's made with Capt. Nair...
"Krak you, Adim," Arkos scoffed with a chuckle. It still marvelled him that the Universal Translator filtered out Korda swear words
Speaking of which, did you know the forum's profanity filters don't work en Espanol? :cool:
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
Right, so, here's mine. I had actually written a lot more than this in progress, with more new crew members being introduced, but I decided to just post the first bits of it in the interest of time/not driving myself crazy. Maybe at a later date, I'll post the entire thing as a separate story, but for now, I'm just glad to introduce Arkos' new ship (and security officer).
That was a fantastic entry :cool: I really like the cut of Brax's gib, it'll be good to see more of him :cool:
Right, so, here's mine. I had actually written a lot more than this in progress, with more new crew members being introduced, but I decided to just post the first bits of it in the interest of time/not driving myself crazy. Maybe at a later date, I'll post the entire thing as a separate story, but for now, I'm just glad to introduce Arkos' new ship (and security officer).
Definitely enjoyed this one. I know a thing or two about ships with experimental tech--a couple of my characters command ships equipped with experimental weapons.
And Brax is a fun character, too--I actually just started a Female Ferengi Engineer, myself--an up-and-coming businesswoman who joined Starfleet to grant a little extra legitimacy to her trading business, and she was a quartermaster before becoming a Captain. As such, she knows the ins and outs of using official and unofficial channels, and is willing to get whatever supplies and equipment she needs by hook or by crook, and is also willing to use her charms to ensure that she gets good deals and that negotiations get finished in a timely fashion. ...Think of her as a female, Ferengi version of the Operation Petticoat Character Lieutenant Nick Holden.
Definitely enjoyed this one. I know a thing or two about ships with experimental tech--a couple of my characters command ships equipped with experimental weapons.
And Brax is a fun character, too--I actually just started a Female Ferengi Engineer, myself--an up-and-coming businesswoman who joined Starfleet to grant a little extra legitimacy to her trading business, and she was a quartermaster before becoming a Captain. As such, she knows the ins and outs of using official and unofficial channels, and is willing to get whatever supplies and equipment she needs by hook or by crook, and is also willing to use her charms to ensure that she gets good deals and that negotiations get finished in a timely fashion. ...Think of her as a female, Ferengi version of the Operation Petticoat Character Lieutenant Nick Holden.
What can I say, great minds think alike. :P I personally think of Brax as a fusion of Quark and Michael Garibaldi from Babylon 5.
@ironphoenix - very nice way to check in a little on Bryan's crew and his own relationships. I was expecting to see Risa though...
Thanks! I really rather enjoyed writing an entry that focused more on the crew of the Athena when off duty rather than my usual entries. As for Risa, maybe some other time. Bryan is not the type that hangs around on a planet that much
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
Comments
flightofcrimson: I actually laughed out loud while reading yours. I love how you exposed all of the neat little canonical irregularities in the game with that one casual conversation (and let's not forget how half of Starfleet seems to be using alien vessels/technology, how widespread assimilated tech is, etc).
Just read this and wanted to say, it's really good. Was not expecting that twist with the sister.
Very nice.
Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it
Just read it again. Still really great! :cool:
Reading it a second time actually gave me a slightly different...perspective? on Alix's personality. To me, she seems less "insane" as it were, and more of emotionally immature. Mentally, she is obviously a smart girl, given the fact that she knows that her relationship with Marcus is commonly frowned upon, however, she is emotionally incapable of bonding that intimately with another, possibly due to the loss of their mother. Just my (very) unprofessional opinion of course
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
Yeah, it's funny. Although those irregularities are really just there so we get more freedom and a greater sense of fun. However, Starfleet might accept chucking alien technology onto their ships - they are quite lenient, even in canon. And it is a time of war.
Thanks
I've got the others printed out to read later. I'm swamped at work now so I'll get to what I can over the next couple of days.
For my own piece: it was meant to be used for LC 4, but then it got rewritten ... and rewritten ... and rewritten ... Basically, a few LCs ago I put Kathryn into a strange place personality-wise I could not resolve within the LC at the time. I've struggled to figure a way to explain her motivation and I thought, sometimes you just have to say it.
Well I still haven't
Anyway, I wanted to post something and this is what I came up with in the time I had available. I hope you enjoy.
Cast:
Kathryn Beringer - Rachel Nichols
Counselor A'Mand - Lynn Collins
Just a heads-up to marcusdkane--none of what Alyosha thinks and says in this piece should be any surprise to you based on our private exchanges. Please just know that none of it reflects upon you or your writing.
It was also an interesting exercise to attempt to project what it to me a "foreign" culture 400 years into the future, with at least 300 of those years being under a different system of government than anything previously experienced in Russia's history. Whether I have correctly given the sense of people with the cultural heritage we know in our world, while still showing the effects of so much passage of time will be up to those in a better position to judge than myself. (I often feel, seeing the Americans on the show, that there is something familiar and yet changed about them, with the exception of Archer, who seems more "familiar.")
One final note: if you're wondering why Alyosha gives the day for Christmas that he does, please remember that the Orthodox Church uses the Julian calendar--and that by 2409 Christmas will have slipped a few more days forward from its current position of January 7th. I checked a perpetual calendar.
Anyway...I look forward to your thoughts!
http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/showpost.php?p=11279271&postcount=32
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I think he is almost thankful the crisis on Khitomer blanked out extraneous factors during the time he interacted with her.
I just hope that Alyosha's handling of the situation when his foster mother brought up Kane met expectations.
As for the lack of the board...it was partly time constraints and partly uncertainty as to how to write a military investigation.
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For ease of reference/visualization, here're the actors I would cast if I was filming this tomorrow...
Ch'Raul - Guy Pierce
T'Panna - Minka Kelly
Amanda Palmer - Courteney Cox
Isabella Hillel - Olga Kurylenko
Yair Hillel - Rudolf Martin
Alice - Ellen Page
Jedda Tobin - Charlotte Rampling
Jac Cheliss - Timothy Dalton
Xon - David Gautreaux
Sen Joran -Sharlto Copley
Ethan Rhodes - Ben McKenzie
Claire - Lacey Chabert
Paul Channery - Dane Cook
Brandon Mayer - Jason Lewis
Will Mayer - Milo Ventimiglia
Miguel Jarvis - Antonio Banderas
April Devanaeux - Melissa Rauch
Todd Mitchell - Thomas Dekker
Ael t'Kazanak - Cobie Smulders
S'rR's Kane - Amy Smart
Meliden Bowen - Eve Myles
Special Guest Appearance courtesy of sander233
Frank Grimes - Edward Norton
The description of the Vanguard is entirely inspired by the Perpetual STO concept art by John Eaves.
I must say I'm extremely pleased by the way that all unfolded, the integration of superhombre's storylines and especially by the surprise twist endings.
I'd actually only intended to skim your entry to check for any inconsistencies I'd need to resolve with my draft of The Road, but I found the story so engaging and immersive I read it trough twice! :P
Concerning inconsistencies, there was no distress call from the Tiburon due to subspace interference from the gateway, but that's something Grimes probably would've lied about to cover up the real reason he's in such a rush to get to Moab...
Speaking of The Road, I'm putting the finishing touches on Part VI now, and after a quick read-through edit I should have it ready to post in the next few hours. Once that's done, I'll finally get to read and comment on everyone else's recent entries, and maybe even toss in a little something of my own. :cool:
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
I decided at the last minute to split this latest chapter when I realized how long it had gotten - 45 pages in MS Word :eek: - way too long for most people to read in one sitting. 25 pages is more manageable, right?
Special thanks to mdk for the opportunity cross-collaborate between this and his (and superhombre's) latest entry here in LC 45.
Now that I've got that done and the plug is out of the way, comments on what the rest o' y'all have been up to...
@shevat - that was a really awesome story. The first thought that crossed my mind though, was "What kind of name is Spirits of Earth for an Andorian escort? You'll have to explain that one. :P I really enjoyed the staging scenes where Shohl gets her task force together, and assigns command positions to all of her present and former bridge officers on all her ships. One of these days I'll have to get Admiral LaRoca's whole ConOps Task Force together to do some damage - assuming he makes it to the end of the road of course. The action itself was brisk and balanced and highly enjoyable. But you gotta talk to somebody about your combat builds... I mean, wing phaser cannons and plasma beam array? Disruptors and Scorpions? That's a lot of wasted damage potential...
@malkaris - so many ?s... and so many Tovans...
@ccmurphy - that was a very interesting story. A bit hard to read though. Would you please consider adding line breaks between paragraphs and dialogue parts? It would go a long way toward improving readability.
@ironphoenix - very nice way to check in a little on Bryan's crew and his own relationships. I was expecting to see Risa though...
@asardetemplari - great little piece. Checking in on that rogue captain of yours and explaining where all those damned scamitars came from. Very well done.
@flightofcrimson - Where's Sulu?
@flamesight - Excellent job writing a continuation piece that holds up as a stand-alone story. Also: ...I see what you did there...
@wraithshadow - you might be cheating, posting a second entry, but I suspect this LC going to be extended and besides, that story was really good. Awesome rivalry you established there for Wraith. I can't wait to see where that goes.
@armada - way to make a splash with that first entry. Fascinating stuff! BTW I'm surprised your username wasn't already taken...
@rageflip - that was a highly intriguing log entry. My curiosity is officially piqued.
@cmdrscarlet - that might be the most unique approach to a backstory I've ever read. Very simple, but effective, like a stick with a nail through it. The subtle juxtapositions of Yes No Maybe was a brilliant touch. Oh, and ...I see what you did there...
@gulberat - another beautiful piece. I very much enjoyed seeing Alyosha at home with his folks - more than he did, obviously. I'm not sure if you're doing this purposefully or not, but Alyosha's constant worrying about what other people may think of him seems rather obsessive. Fascinatingly so. The poor guy can never just relax, it seems.
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
I believe LCs are an exception to the necro rule. At least, I've never gotten in trouble for it...
You can use LC #40 as a catch-all for LCs 1-39 so at least you won't be digging up stuff from 2010...
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
I have to admit, I had to do a lot of research into US Navy JAG procedures to get the 'formally required phrases' correct, but equally, I've wanted to write a court scene for some months. I definitely find it an irony that we posted inquiry-related pieces on the same day :cool:
:eek:
PART VIII!!! PART VIII!!!
Can't believe T'Pinna wound up getting RedShirt treatment
Really enjoyed the combined entries though :cool:
Hint: It's not a Few Good Men
Thanks, I really like how In the Shadow is progressing :cool:
But as the adult he was in a position to decisively curb inappropriate behavior that (IMHO) was rooted in a childhood psychological condition that should have instead been treated. The imprinting did occur while she was a minor even if the actual act occurred after the age of majority, after all.
You definitely do not want me to get into that discussion, and I don't think Branflakes would like it either.
Alyosha believes (incorrectly) that I'sH'd's evident dislike was of a professional nature: he thinks I'sH'd sees Siri as a draft dodger or otherwise disloyal, for choosing Starfleet over the Pentaxian Militia. He disagrees with the idea that she's a traitor, but can at least understand where someone belonging to an insular "nation" might have come to such a view.
So no worries, as long as this misperception stays uncorrected, about Alyosha condemning I'sH'd.
If he found out it was (as he would perceive it) unquestioned racism, I think he would be disappointed if I'sH'd did not work to overcome instinct with intellect.
Not sure who initially told Mrs. Azarov--if it was Alyosha, or a tabloid. Something tells me Kane's actions would've been major tabloid fodder...I figured it was all over the media and wrote on that assumption.
Either way...yeah, his restraint only went so far, and all he could do was answer in a way that would discourage further discussion. I'm afraid what you saw was his best in that regard. :-/
Indeed. If I ever write the Board of Inquiry proper, I may have to ask a relative who is familiar with Air Force accident investigation procedures.
You've seen moments where the issue has come to the fore, for sure. But his fears are not unfounded. Since his story hasn't been posted in chronological order, I'll give you the history in order...
When he was initially found, he was pretty much taken on his own merits since the Devidian species wasn't known other than himself. Citizenship, age of majority considerations, and so forth were a matter for the Russian courts, and were handled in a reasonable, appropriate manner by the judges in question.
The year he arrived at the Academy was when the events of "Time's Arrow" took place. Starfleet conducted a deeper cross-referencing of their records after Picard's return, and realized that a cadet at the Academy matched the records for the aggressive, neural-energy-eating species involved in the temporal incursion. This resulted in a very nasty meeting between the Academy commandant (who wanted him kicked out and almost did so), Alyosha, and his foster parents. Alyosha was allowed to continue, but very much on probation. He saw attitudes of those professor(s) who did know his nature change noticeably. (Please note that I view Starfleet Academy in the 2360's and 2370's as a corrupt environment based on numerous occurrences with Nova Squadron and Red Squad.)
What spared him ultimately from getting kicked out was the onset of the Dominion Cold War and the Dominion War proper. When Starfleet Intelligence keyed into the fact that they had an individual with a trait no Founder could mimic (his phase shift), they demanded he become a courier for top-secret orders. They wanted to use him in this role even though he was training for the sciences. This, again, was very obvious, and whether he would be allowed to serve postwar was in doubt.
He was not allowed the same freedoms that others in his position were, though, until (then) Captain Kane intervened on his behalf and requested him for a mission, and saw what he was really like as a person.
Kane then secured Alyosha a science posting after the war on the Endeavour.
Nonetheless, resistance was often encountered when attempting to promote him, despite his good performance reviews. The hardest was his promotion to captain, which Captain Teeglar and Admirals Kane and Quinn had to come together and fight hard for, to make it happen. There were those in the admiralty who still did not care for his presence (T'Nae being a strong candidate for being one of those individuals) and were trying to get rid of him.
He's also had some unpleasant involvement with Section 31, particularly with the incident seen in the Devidian Arc on STO (where Drake knowingly picked a Devidian captain, knowing full well he'd draw insane amounts of attention from the Devidians and put his crew at risk), and the kidnapping attempt on Khitomer. The former incident also led to his exposure in front of a group of NCO's when he was forced to fight hand-to-hand with a Devidian boarding party and was pushed out of phase and out of his human form. The aftermath unfortunately included one officer so furious at the "betrayal" of his CO that he ended up being transferred off of the Chin'toka.
So unfortunately, Alyosha's fears aren't without basis, as my Starfleet does still have some speciesist people in its ranks. :-/
Perhaps in contrast to recent history, and even modern-day history, the civilian authorities of the Russian Federation have proven much more even-handed and principled in their treatment of him than Starfleet has at times. Alyosha, however, is still determined to serve...even though it means he must pass as human to do so.
Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM for more. :-)
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I don't know which of those impressed me more... Probably Brax. I really enjoyed his reasons for enlisting in Starfleet, and the "hypothetical" arrangements he's made with Capt. Nair... Speaking of which, did you know the forum's profanity filters don't work en Espanol? :cool:
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
That was a fantastic entry :cool: I really like the cut of Brax's gib, it'll be good to see more of him :cool:
Definitely enjoyed this one. I know a thing or two about ships with experimental tech--a couple of my characters command ships equipped with experimental weapons.
And Brax is a fun character, too--I actually just started a Female Ferengi Engineer, myself--an up-and-coming businesswoman who joined Starfleet to grant a little extra legitimacy to her trading business, and she was a quartermaster before becoming a Captain. As such, she knows the ins and outs of using official and unofficial channels, and is willing to get whatever supplies and equipment she needs by hook or by crook, and is also willing to use her charms to ensure that she gets good deals and that negotiations get finished in a timely fashion. ...Think of her as a female, Ferengi version of the Operation Petticoat Character Lieutenant Nick Holden.
Thanks. Once I thought of him, I really had to formally introduce Brax as a character. You will definitely be seeing more of him in future LC's.
Also, currently reading your/Superhombre's/sander's post. Will comment as soon as I'm done.
What can I say, great minds think alike. :P I personally think of Brax as a fusion of Quark and Michael Garibaldi from Babylon 5.
Thanks!
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta