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Ashkrik23's foundry mission reviews.

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  • ashkrik23ashkrik23 Member Posts: 10,809 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Unexpected Returns, Part 4: By @Logitech007

    Conference Deck

    [11:02] [NPC] : Ok. So the Tzenkethi forces now have two of these new weapons that are capable of destroying a planet. They used this weapon on a planet and it destroyed and killed 95 percent of the planets Planets needs an apostrophe to become "planet's."

    [11:23] [NPC] : We were able to determined that the Tzenkethi executed most of the senior staff then put the rest into mines or camps for them to mine for the rest of their lives. So in theory, they should be survivors Recommend changing they to "there."
    [11:24] [NPC] : Admiral, i would suggest that we put together a convert team to go in and rescue them, maybe out Section 31 friends can help us with that, but we need to focus on preparing our forces for the oncoming attack. What is the update on our forces? I should be capitalized. Out should be "our."

    [11:33] [NPC] Station Security: Admiral, sorry to interrupt but we are got some information from our friends at Section 31 and they have intercept communication from a reliable contact saying that one of the weapons is located in the Hobus System.
    Intercept should be "intercepted."


    Deep Space, Sol system

    Amazing trigger work.
    [11:50] [NPC] Klingon Commander: Vice Admiral, sorry that we were late to respond, we managed to destroy the second weapon and the fleet they had heading to qnoons before any major damage was destroyed. Qnoons should be "Qo'nos."

    Deep space
    [11:54] [NPC] U.S.S. Tempus Fugit: Vice Admiral, we don't have much time, so listen closely. There will be a Tzenkethi vessel coming through this region of space carrying the weapon that just destroyed Earth killing billions of lives. You need to destroy this vessel with the help of the Klingons before the Klingons captured the pilot and torture the pilot giving you this weapon to give to the Tzenkethi government which in return created another copy of this weapon used to destroy Earth. The enemy vessel must be destroyed. Understood?
    Put a comma after Earth. Change"captured" to "capture.

    U.S.S. Odyssey
    [12:00] [NPC] : Admiral's, let’s not be a fool, there will be more blood, more blood will be spill, and more lives will be lost if we don’t put an end to this threat. But we need a break on them.
    Spill should be "spilled."

    [12:01] [NPC] Tzenkethi Male: This message is for Vice Admiral M'Sarabi Scar. The Tzenkethi have found out that I helped your group out of the mine and they are prepared to kill me, I do not want to die, please I beg please help me. please I helped you out now it's your time to help me....please, Vice Admiral.
    Put a comma between "please and beg". Capitalize Please during the sentence "Please, I helped you."
    2:02] [NPC] Admiral Tarscar: I do not know. He is an enemy I should not risk everyone just to help this one. Put a period between enemy and I.
    I suggest using "Speak with contacts" on this map. The waypoints are a little difficult.

    Deep Space, Sol System
    Nothing to mention specifically here. Ending caught be my surprise. Perhaps adjust the dialogue so you flow into the cliff hanger a little more smoothly.

    4/5 overall. There are many typos which could be corrected. Other than that, excellent work. I always enjoy the effects you pull off with the triggers. Keep it up Logi.
    King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride. arcgames.com/en/forums#/discussion/1138650/ashkrik23s-foundry-missions
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  • midnighttlcmidnighttlc Member Posts: 107 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    I'd love for you to review my first foundry mission.

    Mission: ADRIFT
    Author: @midnighttlc

    Thank you
  • ashkrik23ashkrik23 Member Posts: 10,809 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Adding to the list.
    King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride. arcgames.com/en/forums#/discussion/1138650/ashkrik23s-foundry-missions
    ashkrik_by_lindale_ff-d65zc3i.png
  • ashkrik23ashkrik23 Member Posts: 10,809 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Requiem for a dream had to be put on hold due to the author not having updated his ESD doors. A mail will be sent to him.
    King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride. arcgames.com/en/forums#/discussion/1138650/ashkrik23s-foundry-missions
    ashkrik_by_lindale_ff-d65zc3i.png
  • ashkrik23ashkrik23 Member Posts: 10,809 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Sleepers by @Jovell
    This mission was played on elite mode with my engineer, Taka.


    Opening dialogue

    [2:27] [NPC] Captain, thank you for volunteering for this mission. It bothers me to think my fellow service members are missing and what could have happened to them. Starfleet Command would like you to rendevous with a Legate J'Tran from Cardassian High Command on board the CDS Aldara in the Kinjun System. He will provide you with information on the next step of your investigation. Vice Admiral, I dont have to tell you the importance of this mission. Only that it is highly classified and I can trust you to keep it that way. The Detroit, San Fransisco, and the Partition went missing two days ago, and the Celest and the Nephilim went missing yesterday. Four escorts and a cruiser. It is the utmost importance that we find out what happened to them. Keep me informed of your progress. Marconi, out.
    Rendevous should be "Rendezvous"

    Dont needs an apostrophe.


    Kinjun System


    Nothing major to note here.



    CDS Aldara Bridge

    2:41] [NPC] : I don't know whats going on, Captain. This is why we are working with Starfleet so willingly on this matter. What types of ships is the federation missing?
    You should change "is" to are in the sentence, "What type of ships is the federation missing?"


    Badlands

    Nice how you used the "fire tornados" here. Although I am slightly confused why you did not use the actual Badlands map backdrop like you see in the DS9 story missions. Having the tornados with the black sky of space somewhat messes up the effect of them.


    U.S.S. Celest Bridge

    Fire effects are well placed.



    Crew Deck


    Lieutenant Jessica Kantra had a normal Borg skin. I assume you meant for it to be a starfleet one.



    Engineering Deck

    Good, clean use of effects. Boss battle in the engine room was a tough one on elite mode.


    Badlands #2

    Nothing major to note.


    U.S.S. Envoy Bridge

    Nothing major to note.



    Badlands #3

    Nothing major to note.

    5/5 overall. This was a good mission. The dialogue was well written and only had a few almost insignificant mistakes. Most map designs were simple but they worked out perfectly here. I look forward to more work from you.
    King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride. arcgames.com/en/forums#/discussion/1138650/ashkrik23s-foundry-missions
    ashkrik_by_lindale_ff-d65zc3i.png
  • logitech007logitech007 Member Posts: 148 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Hey, thank you for reviewing part 4 and the whole series I will take a look at all those items that you have mentioned.

    Thank
    Logitech007
    Logitech007
  • ashkrik23ashkrik23 Member Posts: 10,809 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Anytime :).
    King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride. arcgames.com/en/forums#/discussion/1138650/ashkrik23s-foundry-missions
    ashkrik_by_lindale_ff-d65zc3i.png
  • locutusofcactuslocutusofcactus Member Posts: 651 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    ashkrik23 wrote: »
    Requiem for a dream had to be put on hold due to the author not having updated his ESD doors. A mail will be sent to him.

    ESD doors are once again functional. Also, minor storyline improvements have been made.
  • ashkrik23ashkrik23 Member Posts: 10,809 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    They shall be played after the next mission on my list, thanks!
    King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride. arcgames.com/en/forums#/discussion/1138650/ashkrik23s-foundry-missions
    ashkrik_by_lindale_ff-d65zc3i.png
  • hypnosnakehypnosnake Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Hey, Ash, sorry to bug, but can you take my two out of the rotation for the time being? They are A Message From Nowhere and The Wraith.

    I'm going to be doing some modifying on those missions that I only recently started planning to do and figure they might be better played after I do that. It'll be a little while, so I'll probably just repost the lot once I'm done with all three.

    I appreciate it and apologies! I think they'll be more fun once they're modified.
  • ashkrik23ashkrik23 Member Posts: 10,809 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Okay, will remove, jus let me know when to add them.
    King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride. arcgames.com/en/forums#/discussion/1138650/ashkrik23s-foundry-missions
    ashkrik_by_lindale_ff-d65zc3i.png
  • ashkrik23ashkrik23 Member Posts: 10,809 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Wings of Omicros by @darkfirewithin
    Played on normal with my tactical Caitian, Kovu.


    Regulus System
    Nothing major to note.

    Regulus IV
    Nothing major to note here.


    Diplomatic Compound
    I suggest turning the Omicron ambassador to "off" on wander, he interrupts the dialogue when he runs.



    Regulus System
    Nothing major to note.



    This is a very simple mission and does not really have any issues besides that one part with the ambassador. I honestly was kinda left yearning for more, but I gave it 5/5 for being clean and well-written for the small amount it had.
    King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride. arcgames.com/en/forums#/discussion/1138650/ashkrik23s-foundry-missions
    ashkrik_by_lindale_ff-d65zc3i.png
  • lordarathronlordarathron Member Posts: 249 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    I have a mission, "A New Beginning." I had a problem before that I fixed, and would like someone to try it again.

    This is the first in a series that currently has 3 missions, the other two being "Resolution on Risa" and "War on Earth", which are still in review phase.
  • ashkrik23ashkrik23 Member Posts: 10,809 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Adding to the list tomorrow.
    King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride. arcgames.com/en/forums#/discussion/1138650/ashkrik23s-foundry-missions
    ashkrik_by_lindale_ff-d65zc3i.png
  • ashkrik23ashkrik23 Member Posts: 10,809 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Requiem for a Dream, Part 1 by @11001001_v2.0 (It's a grind spelling your name XD.)


    screenshot_2014-06-23-11-52-58_zps1cb9fff8.jpg
    The Mind's Heritage



    On the replicator, it says "interact." I suggest changing that to "replicate sandwich" to add a little more immersion.



    You did a good job on the little hunting platform.



    Attrition



    Nothing to note.



    Pandora's Box



    Nice job on getting the Nausicaans on the balconies.



    Nice job on that Nausicaan tower and making it look natural to the city.



    One of the Nausicaans in the main plaza has an 01 by their name.



    Again, nice work on blending the custom structures into the default map.




    Wow! Impressive work on the sewer!

    screenshot_2014-06-23-13-09-43_zps1b064178.jpg

    This mission was rather short and simple. The story is all right and really did not leave much of an impact on me so far. This originally was going to be a 4, but when I saw your environmental work with Hathon, I had to give it a 5. You have made some very clever creations both in scenery and in humor via optional NPC dialogue.

    One change I recommend is replacing the "continue" button on your dialogue responses. I suggest having your player say something or performing an emote via that.

    Besides that and the few issues I mentioned earlier, good job. I will be reviewing part 2 shortly. 5/5
    King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride. arcgames.com/en/forums#/discussion/1138650/ashkrik23s-foundry-missions
    ashkrik_by_lindale_ff-d65zc3i.png
  • ashkrik23ashkrik23 Member Posts: 10,809 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Part 2's door for Requiem is still broken. Putting it on hold till the author can fix it. A mail was sent to him.
    King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride. arcgames.com/en/forums#/discussion/1138650/ashkrik23s-foundry-missions
    ashkrik_by_lindale_ff-d65zc3i.png
  • ashkrik23ashkrik23 Member Posts: 10,809 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Maelstrom by @Altexist



    Starbase 114

    Dialogue on this map could be set to play before loading onto map 2. This would shave off loading time for a map that only has one objective.





    Cargo Bay

    Nice work with all the wires and such in the first room.





    Starbase 114

    This map’s dialogue could have been put at the end of the previous map. I suggest doing that and removing this map as it only increases load times.





    Tazi VI

    Nothing major to note.





    Donia IV

    Nothing major to note.





    U.S.S. Raymond



    Good damage effects here. I like the coolant leaking out of the warp core.

    One of the steam effects was coming out of thin air. Here is a picture.


    screenshot_2014-06-23-14-30-02_zps6128e087.jpg


    Defend Cargo Bay



    Some of the wires are not connected to the ceiling on both ends.







    Donia IV 2



    Nothing major to note.





    Omar System



    Dialogue choice provides variety.



    Klingon station is named “Station, Klingon active 03 #1, suggest changing this.





    Klingon Base



    Unexpected twist.

    This was a pretty good mission. I felt some of the maps could have been cut out to reduce load times. You had a surprise twist at the end which kept it fresh. Very few issues. 5/5. Good work. The links for the voice audio did not work unfortunately.
    King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride. arcgames.com/en/forums#/discussion/1138650/ashkrik23s-foundry-missions
    ashkrik_by_lindale_ff-d65zc3i.png
  • ashkrik23ashkrik23 Member Posts: 10,809 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Requiem for a Dream ,Part 2: By @1100100_v2.0

    screenshot_2014-06-23-16-00-30_zpsc8ed233b.jpg



    Preparations





    Nice touch with the wall console map. Suggest changing interact to something like "Building layout, etc."

    [3:53] [NPC] Briefing continued: As you also may know, historically, all successful missions against the Borg have been about liberty, justice, and have taken approximately one hour. Today (pause for ephasis) today, we follow in the footsteps in those who have gone before us. We will take the road less traveled. And we shall assist the resisting Borg in their cause. Continue stirring speech and quote Shakespeare's Henry V about "If the cause is just and honorable" ect.





    I assume "ephasis" was meant to be emphasis.



    Heh, redshirt joke. Nice touch.

    The tactical caitian captain has his default name. Suggest changing it to a unique name.

    Computer room is a very nice creation.

    You are really good with props.



    Absolution



    Change the sonic pulse beacon to something else besides "Beacon 01."

    Nice roll effect on the Immelman.





    Good use of the explosion effects on the Borg station.







    Full Circle



    Amazing tower....

    One npc is named "Hamlet cast - Ghost" suggest changing this.


    screenshot_2014-06-23-16-13-42_zps6a8dc45c.jpg


    My thoughts on this part are mainly the same as the last one. The scenery was even better this time though. You have a knack for building unique structures. That is your strongest suit. 5/5.
    King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride. arcgames.com/en/forums#/discussion/1138650/ashkrik23s-foundry-missions
    ashkrik_by_lindale_ff-d65zc3i.png
  • ashkrik23ashkrik23 Member Posts: 10,809 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Sunset Blues does not have a start location so I cannot play. It will be put on hold.
    King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride. arcgames.com/en/forums#/discussion/1138650/ashkrik23s-foundry-missions
    ashkrik_by_lindale_ff-d65zc3i.png
  • ashkrik23ashkrik23 Member Posts: 10,809 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Homage to Galris by @Joe_king

    screenshot_2014-06-24-10-17-06_zps198942ad.jpg



    Incident at Risa


    Nothing major to note.





    All about the Galrisians



    I see you have done some nice custom interior work.



    Background information is a nice touch on the species we are dealing with.



    The Full Story



    Once again, good custom interior work.



    Nice illusion with the hologram.



    Scene of the Crime

    I love how you have the planet in the sky.



    The Plot Thickens

    Bonus points for having Caitians in it hehe.

    Nothing major to note.

    Revelations

    Nothing major to note.





    Confrontation


    Suggest not having enemies attack until the dialogue is done when you first beam in.



    The final battle was fun.

    Final thoughts: This was an excellent mission with some good custom interior work. There was a lot of background information about the author's species which showed a lot of time was put into the mission. I noticed no typos or major errors. Very well written and clean. 5/5, keep it up. Deserves more plays.
    King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride. arcgames.com/en/forums#/discussion/1138650/ashkrik23s-foundry-missions
    ashkrik_by_lindale_ff-d65zc3i.png
  • ashkrik23ashkrik23 Member Posts: 10,809 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Chasing Shadows removed as requested by the author.
    King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride. arcgames.com/en/forums#/discussion/1138650/ashkrik23s-foundry-missions
    ashkrik_by_lindale_ff-d65zc3i.png
  • chepetico2chepetico2 Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    ashkrik23 wrote: »
    Homage to Galris by @Joe_king

    screenshot_2014-06-24-10-17-06_zps198942ad.jpg



    Incident at Risa


    Nothing major to note.





    All about the Galrisians



    I see you have done some nice custom interior work.



    Background information is a nice touch on the species we are dealing with.



    The Full Story



    Once again, good custom interior work.



    Nice illusion with the hologram.



    Scene of the Crime

    I love how you have the planet in the sky.



    The Plot Thickens

    Bonus points for having Caitians in it hehe.

    Nothing major to note.

    Revelations

    Nothing major to note.





    Confrontation


    Suggest not having enemies attack until the dialogue is done when you first beam in.



    The final battle was fun.

    Final thoughts: This was an excellent mission with some good custom interior work. There was a lot of background information about the author's species which showed a lot of time was put into the mission. I noticed no typos or major errors. Very well written and clean. 5/5, keep it up. Deserves more plays.


    Hi Ashkrik3!

    Thanks for your review. I can add an invisible wall between the away team and the antagonists to allow for the dialogue to end before the enemies attack, good catch! I knew I could count on you.

    I'm also glad you like the Caitan crew! They're a great species.

    Thanks for the recommendation and good luck on your series as well!

    Joe_King
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Please leave comments or suggestions on the main thread for Homage to Galris at the following link.
    Also feel free to check out some of my other projects at the following link.
  • ashkrik23ashkrik23 Member Posts: 10,809 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Thanks for authoring and thanks for the good wishes :). Submit more missions if you ever have any.


    Also, I have reviewed "Rain's Mindstorm." However, my review contains a ridiculous amount of screenshots. To avoid filling up the page with them, follow the link below to see my full review of this mission.

    http://starbaseugc.com/index.php/ugc-reviews/ashkrik23s-foundry-reviews-rains-mindstorm-by-skaldra/
    King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride. arcgames.com/en/forums#/discussion/1138650/ashkrik23s-foundry-missions
    ashkrik_by_lindale_ff-d65zc3i.png
  • nikkojtnikkojt Member Posts: 372 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    ashkrik23 wrote: »
    Sunset Blues does not have a start location so I cannot play. It will be put on hold.

    The mission starts from the entrance to the Vulcan system in the Sirius Sector Block. An update is currently publishing that adds this to Commander Vehhl's initial dialogue; the mission is however fully playable without it.
    I am NikkoJT, Foundry author and terrible player. Follow me!
    There used to be a picture here, but they changed signatures and I can't be bothered to replace it.
  • ashkrik23ashkrik23 Member Posts: 10,809 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    I will add it back to the list. Thanks.
    King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride. arcgames.com/en/forums#/discussion/1138650/ashkrik23s-foundry-missions
    ashkrik_by_lindale_ff-d65zc3i.png
  • elijahthomasstoelijahthomassto Member Posts: 53 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Hey Ashkrik, a little while ago I published my first mission. If you have the space on the list and time, I'd like to submit mine for reviewing.


    updatedbanner_zpsf7250f02.jpg



    Mission Title: Raptor's Reflection
    Author: @ElijahThomas
    Project ID: ST-HTNN3WO5B
    Faction: Federation (Recommended for play with Starfleet Character)
    Level Requirement: 31+
    Estimated Time: 30 - 40 Minutes

    Synopsis:

    You are contacted by Captain Shon of the U.S.S. Enterprise with a request for assistance near the former Romulan Star Empire. However, what seems like a routine mission of mercy will soon erupt into a deadly game played across two universes.


    Features:

    My First Published Foundry Mission
    Play Time between 30 and 40 minutes
    Story-based mission with plenty of dialog
    Space and Interior Combat
    Every map is custom made
    Foundry Missions by @ElijahThomas

    e3e7b26f-fe46-407a-9b30-9b78e5b43584_zps7b329b80.jpg
  • ashkrik23ashkrik23 Member Posts: 10,809 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Adding to the list.
    Nice banner there.
    King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride. arcgames.com/en/forums#/discussion/1138650/ashkrik23s-foundry-missions
    ashkrik_by_lindale_ff-d65zc3i.png
  • ashkrik23ashkrik23 Member Posts: 10,809 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    The Claws of Stovokor by @Helixfungus
    screenshot_2014-06-24-18-39-18_zps0959e46e.jpg


    Karden System

    This a nice and clean map.





    Nebula

    Good trigger work.

    Optional combat is nice.

    I like how you put the mining facility inside the broken planet.



    Complex

    Excellent work on the maintenance tunnels.



    High Energy Yield



    Very nice job on making it look like yer in space at the end.



    Canberra Bridge

    Nothing major to note.



    Nebula Core

    Nothing major to note.

    This was a nice mission with an interesting plot. I did feel that the typos made the start a little rough. I know we discussed before how English is not your primary language, but I would suggest taking the chance to go back and run the dialogues through spell checkers, ETC.

    4/5, great job, look forward to more of your work.
    King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride. arcgames.com/en/forums#/discussion/1138650/ashkrik23s-foundry-missions
    ashkrik_by_lindale_ff-d65zc3i.png
  • helixfungushelixfungus Member Posts: 172 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Thanx for the nice review !
    A hint or two on where to look to find those nasty typos would have helped...
    you angloamericans are way soo picky about these little detail... on the other hand I admit to be harsh on weak stories... now I am working on my next mission (can I ask you a serious proofreadiing on this one to come ...? ) , then I plan to stop with foundry for a loong while and turning back to CGI art
  • ashkrik23ashkrik23 Member Posts: 10,809 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Thanx for the nice review !
    A hint or two on where to look to find those nasty typos would have helped...
    you angloamericans are way soo picky about these little detail... on the other hand I admit to be harsh on weak stories... now I am working on my next mission (can I ask you a serious proofreadiing on this one to come ...? ) , then I plan to stop with foundry for a loong while and turning back to CGI art

    I will Be Prepared for a long session to do that hehe.
    King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride. arcgames.com/en/forums#/discussion/1138650/ashkrik23s-foundry-missions
    ashkrik_by_lindale_ff-d65zc3i.png
This discussion has been closed.