I finished part 1 and am working on the report. There are few if any spelling errors so far. Most of what I am finding is grammatical errors. It will be a little bit before I finish the report and then publish it. Once I am done I will play part 2 and give my review.
Welcome to the queue and to the Foundry. Your mission is currently 21st in the queue behind darkfirewithin. I will review your mission as soon as possible.
In the meantime I have made many recommendations throughout my reviews in this forum. If you have questions please feel free to ask. If you have not been on StarBase UGC. I highly recommend the tutorials there.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Thank you very much! As a note, my time listed on the mission is likely wrong. I have run it a couple times since then and actually paid attention to the time it took and it is probably closer to an hour then 30 minutes.
Hope you are doing well. I've submitted a new mission through the foundry and would like to request a mission report if possible:
Mission Name: Homage to Galris
Author: Joe_King
Minimum Level: Any Level
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HFAZTV5AX
Estimated Mission Length: 30 to 45 minutes
The mission description is as follows:
As the war with the Klingons wages on, you and your gallant crew are called to Risa to investigate an incident aboard the U.S.S. Missouri. The Missouri was escorting the Andorian and Galrisian ambassadors to a trade conference between member and non-member worlds.
All is not as it seems and the future of the Federation depends on your actions.
Can you solve the mystery and save the Federation from a threat within its borders?
Thanks for your consideration!
Joe
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Please leave comments or suggestions on the main thread for Homage to Galris at the following link.
Also feel free to check out some of my other projects at the following link.
Hope you are doing well. I've submitted a new mission through the foundry and would like to request a mission report if possible:
Mission Name: Homage to Galris
Author: Joe_King
Minimum Level: Any Level
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HFAZTV5AX
Estimated Mission Length: 30 to 45 minutes
The mission description is as follows:
This mission involves intrigue, mystery and action! This is a story driven mission, i.e. LOTS OF DIALOGUE, which introduces you to the Galrisians, a people driven from the Delta Quadrant by the Borg. There has been an incident at a trade conference in orbit around Risa and you must solve the mystery and save the Federation from a threat within its very borders. This mission calls for the best a Starfleet officer has to offer, good luck!
Thanks for your consideration!
Joe
Hi Joe,
Thanks for the request and welcome to the queue. Your mission is currently 22nd in the queue behind Theatrrap. I like the author name you submitted under. I will review your mission as soon as I can.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Please leave comments or suggestions on the main thread for Homage to Galris at the following link.
Also feel free to check out some of my other projects at the following link.
Hi Evil, I wanted to submit the first 2 parts of my new series. This takes place after Perfection. All the info.
Scars of the Pride
Part 1:Vacation So Short
Synopsis,
It has been 7 months since the Borg's defeat at Cait. The galaxy has gradually recovered and rebuilt ever since then. You have played a fundamental role in bringing many civilizations back to a normal lifestyle. Now you have been given an extended vacation for both you and your crew to the planet of Bajor for a well-earned rest. Your time on leave will be cut short as a mysterious attack upon the city of Hathon will spark the flame of a new conflict. This new evil is malicious and old scars left upon some of your closest friends will burn once more. You will learn that there is more to the history of them than meets the eyes.
This is a story dialogue mission with some ground combat. Takes place after the Perfection Series. Recommend you play that first if you haven't already. This mission also assumes you saved M'Sarabi in Perfection, which is considered the canon ending.
Federation Mission - Scars of the Pride - Part 1: Vacation So Short
Author: ashkrik23
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID:
Report Start
Summary: The mission is good with nice map designs, balanced battles and well written story dialogue. There are several places in the dialogue that need some work but overall the story is solid. I would recommend this mission to all players who like a good balance between combat and dialogue.
Many authors have the player discuss issues and solutions with the BOFFs while still standing next to the cause of the issue. An example of this is in the 'Unfriendly Welcome' dialogue. After being harshly dismissed by the NPC the player proceeds to discuss it with the BOFFs. I would suggest having the player move away before continuing dialogue with the BOFFs regarding the encounter they had in the 'Unfriendly Welcome' dialogue. This might seem like a minor issue but try to think of the story in real world terms. In the real world most likely you would move away before discussing tactics or plans. It is something to consider as you go through the story.
In a few places the story dialogue appears to indicate the player or an NPC knows something of the story that they would have no way of knowing. An example of this is the 'Investigation' dialogue. In the dialogue "and see if there may be some kind of safehouse there" assumes there is a safehouse in that area. It just did not feel right in the story. That is why I recommended changing that dialogue to read "and see if we can determine where the suspect went". This is a type of foreshadowing but just felt awkward and gave a little too much away. The player should discover the safehouse as they investigate the old district of Hathon.
Below are several things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Bajor, City of Hathon: This is a nice map design and the dialogue is well written but needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The 'Arival' dialogue; check the use of the word "Perhaps" in two sentences in a row does not work. Consider changing "Perhaps the can help point us" to read "Maybe they can point us".
-The 'Unfriendly Welcome' dialogue; consider changing the response button "I was seeing if you knew where to find the diner here" to read "Would you be able to direct us to a good place to eat".
-The 'Unfriendly Welcome' dialogue; consider changing the dialogue "We don't have time to try and give people directions" to read "We don't have time to give people directions".
-The 'Unfriendly Welcome' dialogue; consider changing the dialogue "Either go find it yourself or go bother someone else" to read "Go bother someone else".
-The 'Unfriendly Welcome' dialogue; consider having the player and BOFFs move away from the Ferasan NPCs before continuing the dialogue. The follow on dialogue between the player and the BOFFs does not feel right while still standing next to the Ferasan. I will cover this in more detail in the summary above.
-The 'Another Unfriendly Welcome' dialogue; it seems out of the way to cross the bridge over the pools just to be snubbed by the Ferasan. Consider moving the Ferasan to the other side of the pools.
-The 'Another Unfriendly Welcome' dialogue; consider changing the response button "I just needed to ask for directions to the local diner" to read "My apologies" and then end that dialogue.
-The 'Directions Finally Gained' dialogue; the BOFF said they overheard one of the 'locals' giving directions to find food. I noted that all of NPCs the player interacts with to get directions are Ferasan. After the first interaction it seems the player should have asked a local or other species. You seem to be going out of your way to point out the large number of Ferasan that are present in the city. Most of the interactions do not seem to add anything to the story.
-The 'A reunion with friends' dialogue; consider changing "So we came to pick one of our favorite drinks when we use to visit Bajor during our academy years" to read "I figured it was a great time to get one of my favorite drinks from my academy days".
-The 'A reunion with friends' dialogue; consider changing "You gave your life" to read "You risked your life".
-The 'A reunion with friends' dialogue; consider changing "I feel though I will never be able to repay you" to read "I will never be able to repay you".
-The 'A reunion with friends' dialogue; consider changing "Even in the darkest hour, you still had hope that you and your crew could break me free from the collective, and for that, I thank you" to read "When all hope seemed to be lost you refused to give up on me, and for that I thank you".
-The 'A reunion with friends' dialogue; consider changing the response button "Let's just be careful with that while it's still got Borg programming" to read "We should exercise caution since it's Borg technology".
-The 'Directions to Taka's office' dialogue; consider changing "Admiral Taka's office should be near the Starfleet HQ here" to read "Admiral Taka's office should at the Starfleet offices not far from here".
-The 'Directions to Taka's office' dialogue; consider removing "It's over by streets deeper in the city" based on my other recommendation to change the dialogue above.
-The 'Suspicious activity' dialogue; consider changing "Hey, isnt that the Feresan we asked for help from earlier" to read "That looks like the Ferasan we asked for directions earlier".
-The 'Suspicious activity' dialogue; consider changing "What is she doing by herself out here" to read "What is she doing out here by herself".
-The 'Tension' dialogue; consider removing the response button "All right, sorry to bother you".
-The 'Tension' dialogue; consider changing the response button "Fixing a console all the way over here by yourself" to read "Fixing a console".
-The 'Tension' dialogue; the response button "Fine, fine, sorry to be a bother" seems odd. If it is suspicious activity then the player needs to confront the Ferasan more in depth. You could also simply change the response button to "I will speak to the council" or something along those lines.
-The 'Tension' dialogue; this is another example of when the player should move away before talking to the BOFFs. From this point I will note it and discuss it in the summary above.
-I noted that on some of the dialogue you have capitalized each word and on others only the first latter. Consider changing them to be consistent across the dialogue.
Taka's Office: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The 'Admiral Taka' dialogue; consider changing "my people is an endangered one" to read my people are an endangered species".
-The Change in plans' security officer dialogue; consider changing "Some kind of bomb just went out in one of the back alleys" to read "A bomb was set off in one of the back alleys".
-The Change in plans' security officer dialogue; consider changing "The blast was not intended to kill, but there seemed to be a release of some kind of gas" to read "It appears the bomb was not intended to kill but released some sort of gas".
Bajor, City of Hathon Under Attack: This is a good map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The 'Medical Briefing' dialogue; you use the word "seems" in two sentences in a row. It reads awkwardly. Consider changing one of them to "appears".
-The 'Medical Briefing' dialogue; the medic does not know what the toxin is but somehow has a hypo with something in it that will stabilize the injured. That sentence contradicts itself. Add a line explaining why she thinks it will stabilize them. "It appears to acting on their breathing" or something related to the symptoms.
-The 'Investigation' dialogue; consider changing "causing issues between us and them" to read "causing issues between us and the Klingons". As it is currently written it is not clear who the word "them" is referring to.
-The 'Investigation' dialogue; consider changing "the Ferasans are like rogues" to read "the Ferasans are a rogue element".
-The 'Investigation' dialogue; consider changing "Knowing that Admiral Taka is here would inspire them to cause trouble for the Caitian people" to read "Admiral Taka's presence here appears to have inspired them to cause trouble for the Caitian people".
-The 'Investigation' dialogue; consider striking the line "Especially with us being so vulnerable after what the Borg did to Cait". The previous mission does not need to be referenced constantly in the dialogue of every NPC.
-The 'Investigation' dialogue; consider changing "and see if there may be some kind of safehouse there" to read "and see if we can determine where the suspect went". The fact that you, as the author, know that the next map is "Ferasan Safehouse" does not mean the NPC or player knows that. They are investigating to see what they find.
-The 'Investigation' dialogue; consider removing "additional" from the NPC statement regarding backup. The word "additional" implies that the player is entering the area with back up.
-The 'Investigation' dialogue; consider changing "Just be careful" to read "Be careful".
-The 'Investigation' dialogue; consider changing "These people are not someone to trifle with" to read "These Ferasan are not to be trifled with".
-The searching of the alleyway with the Mugato infestation; the presence of Klingon weapons crates and remodeling does not work well. If security has been working on removing the infestation for weeks someone would have noticed the crates and changes to the area. Consider changing the Klingon crates to generic crates that are left behind since the warehouses were abandoned. Remove the Klingon modifications from the walls and surrounding area. If you are going to have a "safe house" you would not want to call attention to it.
-The 'Investigation' dialogue; based on my recommendation above consider changing the entire dialogue starting with "Someone has been doing some remodeling here" to read "Aside from the Mugato infestation I get a bad feeling about this place. We should proceed with caution".
-The 'Map Transfer' dialogue; consider changing "This appears to be the entrance to the safehouse" to read "This appears to be an entrance to some sort of safe house".
Ferasan Safehouse: This is a good map design with several fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The 'The Safehouse' dialogue; consider changing "Picking up lifesigns all throughout the building" to read "I am picking up Ferasan life signs throughout the building".
-The 'The Safehouse' dialogue; consider changing "There are Ferasans everywhere" to read "The walls appear to be shielded. That would explain why external sensors did not detect the Ferasan here".
-The 'The Safehouse' dialogue; consider changing "I'm also detecting communication equipment signals here" to read "I'm also detecting signals that appear to be from communications equipment".
-The 'Communications Closed' dialogue; consider changing "All the equipment is destroyed now" to read "That should be the last of the communications equipment".
-The 'Communications Closed' dialogue; consider changing "I am picking up some data nodes in the next room" to read "I am picking up consoles that may contain data nodes".
-The 'Communications Closed' dialogue; consider changing "The files stored on them should provide us with needed information as to what they are doing here" to read "If those consoles contain data nodes we may be able to find out what the Ferasans are up to".
-Consider adding dialogue that pops up just before the player gets to the door of the next room. That dialogue would have confirmation that the consoles in the room contain data nodes.
-The 'Intentions Discovered' dialogue; consider changing "There are constant mentions of a mistress" to read "There are constant references to a mistress".
U.S.S. Simba Sickbay: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The 'Compiling the facts' dialogue; consider changing "trying to make peace between The Caitians and Ferasans" to read "trying to make peace between the Caitians and Ferasans".
-The 'Compiling the facts' dialogue; consider changing "He had lived on Cait for many years during that time" to read "He lived on Cait for many years".
-The 'Compiling the facts' dialogue; consider changing "His family lived with him during that time on Cait as well" to read "His family lived with him on Cait".
-The 'Compiling the facts' dialogue; consider changing "And with that brainwashing she winded up here eventually" to read "And with that brainwashing she wound up here".
-The 'Compiling the facts' dialogue; consider changing "We should probably send out a system-wide message to stay alert" to read "We will send out a system wide alert to watch for any suspicious activity in the area".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing the next part in the series and more of your work in the future.
Brian
Hi Evil70th, I recently published my first ever foundry mission. If you could add it to your list, I'd appreciate that. Here are the details:
Mission Title:Raptor's Reflection Author:@ElijahThomas Project ID:ST-HTNN3WO5B Faction:Federation (Recommended for play with Starfleet Character) Level Requirement:31+ Estimated Time:30 - 40 Minutes
Synopsis:
You are contacted by Captain Shon of the U.S.S. Enterprise with a request for assistance near the former Romulan Star Empire. However, what seems like a routine mission of mercy will soon erupt into a deadly game played across two universes.
Features:
My First Published Foundry Mission
Play Time between 30 and 40 minutes
Story-based mission with plenty of dialog
Space and Interior Combat
Every map is custom made
Hi Evil70th, I recently published my first ever foundry mission. If you could add it to your list, I'd appreciate that. Here are the details:
Mission Title:Raptor's Reflection Author:@ElijahThomas Project ID:ST-HTNN3WO5B Faction:Federation (Recommended for play with Starfleet Character) Level Requirement:31+ Estimated Time:30 - 40 Minutes
Synopsis:
You are contacted by Captain Shon of the U.S.S. Enterprise with a request for assistance near the former Romulan Star Empire. However, what seems like a routine mission of mercy will soon erupt into a deadly game played across two universes.
Features:
My First Published Foundry Mission
Play Time between 30 and 40 minutes
Story-based mission with plenty of dialog
Space and Interior Combat
Every map is custom made
Hi Elijah,
Welcome to the foundry and the queue. Your mission is currently 23rd in the queue behind Joe_King. I will get to your mission as soon as I can.
State of the Union
Fed 41+
Playtime: 1-2 hours
ID: ST-HQZMJ6ISV
Act I of III
Tytasita, a member world with a newly elected government, is preparing to secede from the Federation. The Federation Council has sent diplomats to meet with the new government. During negotiations, the diplomats were arrested as terrorists and are awaiting a trial.
Starfleet Command was able to arrange a meeting with Tytasian representatives, who agreed to meet with you at Deep Space Nine.
AKA @contactpsi. Foundry Author of: "No Prize for Second Contact", "Welcome to the Milky Way", and "The Tyranny of Hope".
Start Point: Door on Main Concourse of Earth Space Dock
Description: You and your crew have been selected to attend a special refresher boot camp intended for Starfleet's elite. Times are dangerous and we need our best men to truly be their best. Please report to the transports at Earth Space Dock.
State of the Union
Fed 41+
Playtime: 1-2 hours
ID: ST-HQZMJ6ISV
Act I of III
Tytasita, a member world with a newly elected government, is preparing to secede from the Federation. The Federation Council has sent diplomats to meet with the new government. During negotiations, the diplomats were arrested as terrorists and are awaiting a trial.
Starfleet Command was able to arrange a meeting with Tytasian representatives, who agreed to meet with you at Deep Space Nine.
Hi councilspectre,
Welcome back to the queue. Your mission is currently 23rd in the queue behind ElijahThomas. I will get through the queue to your mission as soon as I can.
Start Point: Door on Main Concourse of Earth Space Dock
Description: You and your crew have been selected to attend a special refresher boot camp intended for Starfleet's elite. Times are dangerous and we need our best men to truly be their best. Please report to the transports at Earth Space Dock.
Hi Theatrrap,
Welcome to the queue. Your mission is currently 24th in the queue behind councilspectre. I will get through the queue as soon as I can and review your mission.
Hi Evil, I wanted to submit the first 2 parts of my new series. This takes place after Perfection. All the info.
Scars of the Pride Pt 2:The Claw
Synopsis: It has been three days since the attack on Bajor. You and your crew have completed your leave time while waiting for Admiral Taka to contact you with the results of M'Kiara's study of the toxin Captain T'Vitani used on herself. A new breakthrough with the Borg medical technology could serve as something to adapt against this toxin. Someone else has their eyes on this device though, and for the wrong reasons...The toxin's true effects are about to be witnessed, Not even the U.S.S. Simba will be safe from this threat. Report to the Lateri System in the Beta Ursae sector block.
Federation Mission - Scars of the Pride - Part 2: The Claw
Author: ashkrik23
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID:
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. You have definitely improved your spelling and grammar in this story over the previous mission. While I would recommend this mission to all players I would not recommend them on Elite level. The toughness of the enemy mobs more than a challenge on normal level.
I mentioned the use of puzzles on two of the maps below. The use puzzles can be fun but they should serve a purpose in the story. Making them part of a decryption sequence for access to a door did not appear to add anything to the story. You did use a bypass puzzle button but the puzzles you used did not appear to add to the story. It would make more sense that a Starfleet officer would be able to override any security protocol on a Starfleet vessel.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue albeit an unusual approach I like it. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: U.S.S. Simba Research Level: This is a good map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Puzzles can be fun but should have something to do with the story. Consider removing the puzzle to open the door to the shuttle bay. It does not enhance the story in anyway.
-Consider changing the turbo lift to the standard Federation turbolift. The one you are using looks out of place.
Engineering: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The respawn point is behind the force field. If a player is forced to use it they cannot complete the map. Consider removing the force field or moving it where it will not place the player behind it if they have to respawn.
-Consider making the bombs all the same.
-Consider changing the random logs that are not objectives on the map to be a body that is set to appear after the enemy mobs are killed.
-The Reman Personal Log; consider changing "The can not be allowed" to read "They cannot be allowed".
-Consider removing the puzzle. It does not enhance the story in anyway.
-Consider changing the turbo lift to the standard Federation turbolift.
-Consider changing the map name to "U.S.S. Simba Engineering" in order to match the other ship maps.
U.S.S. Simba Bridge: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider removing the question by the player "Speaking of Zira, who is she". Since you do not intend to answer the question and the player ends up agreeing they do not need to know makes the question irrelevant to the story.
-Consider changing the turbo lift to the standard Federation turbolift.
U.S.S. Simba Crew Deck: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
U.S.S. Simba Medbay: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Claw dialogue; consider changing "did not go unnoticed. but I'm sure" to read "did not go unnoticed, but I'm sure"
-Consider changing "Your rashness clerly demonstrates" to read "Your rashness clearly demonstrates".
Lateri System: This is a good map with very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with this mission and the series so far.
Brian
As many of you know I have reviewed over 250 Foundry missions in the past few years. In that time I have identified a variety of issues that need to be reworked in those missions. This is a republishing of my paper regarding, what I consider to be, a set of "best practices" for authoring missions. I also highly recommend using Starbase UGC as they have several topics covering using the Foundry. Please remember, everything in this paper is only my opinion based on my experience, and they are yours to use of not as you choose.
Plots, storyline and dialogue:
The creation of a storyline is one of the most important elements of mission development. The author needs to capture the player's attention and then hold it for the length of the mission. Most players do not mind playing longer missions as long as there are elements to it that keep them engaged in the story.
Regardless of a mission being story or combat oriented it needs to have a plot to drive the action forward. In a combat mission if all the player does is flying into a system and battle large quantities of enemy mobs, then beams down to a planet, ship or a station to engage more enemy mobs with a single line of dialogue like, "Beam down sir" most likely the player will get bored quickly. This is true with a story oriented mission too. If a player spends time playing a story oriented mission and the plot makes no sense at all then you will lose them quickly as well. You have to have some plot to support the mission and it needs to make sense. Some things to consider when creating a plot for your mission:
What is the motivation of the player to be in this mission? The mission is never as simple as "Fly in and kill the enemy". Then you put every type of enemy on the map. For me this would become tedious really quickly. That is not to say you cannot have multiple factions on a map but is there something to it. For example, there is a secret alliance between the Klingons and Romulans to destroy the Federation. If you don't explain that through even a short bit of dialogue the player will be lost and wonder why they should continue.
What is the goal of the antagonist in the story? The enemy in the mission needs to have a goal. Are they here to wipe all sentient life forms in the universe? Why? There needs to be something driving the story forward.
What is the goal of the protagonist in the story? The good guys need a goal that makes sense as well. If they are simply here with a secret agenda from Section 31 and they can't possibly share with the player. Then why play? There needs to be something to drive the story forward. By the way that was not intended as a dig at Section 31 missions. Okay, maybe just a little.
What is the overall mission goal? Are we here once again to save the universe from another devastating enemy force, or are we finding the secret to an ancient civilization, and their technology. There has to be a point that brings the mission to a close and at the same time makes sense to the player. In the end it is up to the author to write a story, either combat or story oriented, that draws the player in and keeps them riveted to the seat in front of their computer.
The story dialogue that drives the mission forward is another element to good mission design. If the story dialogue does not make sense you will lose the player really quickly and your mission will become tedious. There is a simple way to avoid this. Read the dialogue out loud. This means to actually read the dialogue out loud while you sit in front of the screen testing the mission. When you read it to yourself your brain can trick you into thinking you actually said something in the dialogue that you knew was supposed to be there but actually is not. The brain is an amazing tool that helps us interpret the world around us. When we read something to ourselves and certain things are missing the brain will fill in the gaps by making assumptions. This is especially true if it is something you wrote, because you knew exactly what you wanted to say, even if you didn't write it like that.
Spelling and grammar errors:
As a general rule I will not lower my rating of a mission based solely on the spelling or grammatical errors, but it can be a contributing factor to a lower score. Many of the mission ratings I read, prior to playing a mission, mention "spelling" or "grammar" or both as an issue. Since that is the main thing they mention in their review on STO it would be logical to assume that accounts for a large part of the rating they've given the mission. In some cases it is a three star or less and others a four star rating. Yes even some are five stars with the accompanying "spelling" or "grammar" issues comment. The point here is spelling and grammar issues can easily be addressed with spelling/grammar checking available in most word processor programs on the market today. I write scripts for my missions using MS Word as my principle means of spell checking my dialogue. In the early days of my mission evaluation I noted a few spelling errors that, it did not occur to me at the time, were due to the differences in UK English and US English. I've done so many mission reviews at this point I hardly notice the difference anymore.
Map utilization:
This is an element of mission development that can be abused. To put it simply, just because you can create 10 maps does not mean you should. These are just a few things to consider when creating a map for your mission:
Is this map really needed to tell the story? I have played a few missions where I am to rendezvous with an NPC on a planet, ship, or base. When I get to the entry point for the first custom map and I fly into the system, the spawn point places me half way across the map. The initial dialogue, if any, is one of my BOFF's reporting we've arrived in the system and the NPC we are to meet with is waiting for us. I then fly all the way across the map, with nothing going on, to find another NPC with one or two lines that tell me to transport to the planet, ship or base. Then I am transferring maps again. This would be an example of poor map utilization. To fix this I would recommend the author delete the map and make the actual map where I rendezvous with the NPC the first custom map coming from a Cryptic map.
Do the elements of this map support the story? This means have you placed the right elements on a given map, which includes dialogue, objects, and effects that will support the story. It does not mean you cannot have extra elements on a map for dressing just be sure they do not detract from the story you are trying to tell. In other words, you don't want the extras in the background stealing the scene from the star of the show.
Can maps be combined and still tell the story? This means can you tell the story and combine the elements in one map. For example, you have a trip to a planetary system that you want to put into the story. You combine a space map with a warping effect. The player has a log they are reading or discussing the mission with their BOFFs as part of the story telling. At a certain point in the dialogue the player is prompted to drop out of warp and the planet that appears. This allows the author to include the elements of two maps into one and still tell their story. This would also free up another map space in the mission for your story if you really need it.
Triggers, effects, and NPC utilization:
Using triggers to tell a story is another important skill to have when developing a mission in the Foundry. Here are a couple of ways they can help:
I have recently learned how to use objects to trigger optional dialogue on a map vice NPC's. This allows the author to add a sub-plot or supporting dialogue that may not be required to complete the map but adds to the overall story. It also gives the author the ability to make the dialogue go away after the player has interacted with it. This is not the case when an author uses the standard NPC to trigger optional dialogue. I've played missions where I spawn on a ground map and there are several information icons "I" all over the map. Only one is really important to the story and required to finish the map but now I have to sift through them all. Then all the optional dialogue NPC says is a one liner about how busy they are and tells the player not to bother them. It has nothing to do with the story and is very annoying. The player spends 20 minutes trying to find the NPC they have to talk with in order to continue the mission. The short version of this would be try the trigger objects for optional dialogue. It works great.
Triggers can also be used to activate effects, trigger enemy mobs, open doors or even set up new options. It is a way of having branching story dialogue on an individual map and allows the author to tell a more in-depth story if the player seeks it out. An example of this would be in my mission "Contamination" I have an option that pops up on a map where the player can trigger an anesthetic gas that knocks out the enemy giving the player the option to avoid combat. If they choose not to do that before reaching another trigger point on the map the option goes away. I use this for optional dialogue as well on virtually all the maps I designed for that mission. It is a good work around for the linear nature of the storyline in the Foundry albeit only for each map and will not affect the overall storyline. However if the story is well written the player will never notice that.
Using effects to dress up a story is another important skill to have when developing a mission in the Foundry. Here are a few things to consider:
There is no point in adding an effect that the player never sees. For example, you set a warp core to breach on a ship and then beam to your ship to trigger it, but the spawn point faces away from the explosion. In that same example the ship must move to a safe distance before detonating an explosion. They move away and the explosion goes off while they are facing away. So then the question is, why bother adding the actual effect? You want to showcase the effects as part of the story, so you have the spawn point facing the blast. Then when the player triggers the explosion they get to see the boom.
The opposite of this would be having effects that overwhelm the story or other map features. In the "Map Utilization" section above I mentioned "extras in the background stealing the scene from the star", this would apply to effects too. I've played missions where the author designed a beautiful map and filled it with a great story. It took me 20 minutes to find anything because the author had it filled with NPC triggered optional dialogue and a heavy dust storm so I could not see anything until I was right on top of it. Now that is very tedious. That doesn't mean you shouldn't use the dust storm effect, but be careful how you use it. Does it really do anything for the story? If not, then why have it?
Some of the effects do not work exactly as the DEV's intended. What the heck does that mean? It means that some of the effects were designed to work in certain situations but not in others. In some cases the effects are just plain broken. When you find those elements you should provide a detailed report to the DEV's so they can fix it. It may not get fixed right away but it will get there eventually, and they can't fix it if they don't know it's broke. This was true for some of the space explosions when the Foundry first opened for use. Now they work pretty well.
The utilization of NPC is another issue that can be easily overlooked by an author. The difference between NPC's and NPC groups is the individual NPC's in the groups will default to the name of the character. For example a Klingon warrior will be labeled "Warrior" or a Starfleet tactical officer will be labeled "Tactical Officer" or something along those lines. With NPC's if they are not given a specific name they show up on the map as "UGC Contact", which can detract from your story. The point here is that if you place NPC's on a map as background you should name them, even if it is simply copying the designation to the name field.
Testing your mission:
There have been a number of times when I mention to the author "I cannot find a story element" or "the element doesn't work" in their mission. The normal response I get back is "It worked great when I tested it" or "I had no problem with it". Here are few things the author needs to remember:
Just because it worked during testing in the Foundry doesn't mean it will during regular play. The only way to be sure is to test it in live play on the server. When I do this I put something in the description regarding "Testing, please do not play" or something along those lines. That will not prevent idiots from picking up your mission and rating it because, as I said, they are idiots, but it will give you a chance to test if it works in live play.
You should also remember that just because you are able to find the story point, interaction, trigger, or other mission objective on a map does not mean the player will be able to. Take into consideration that you designed a mission and of course you know right where everything is and how to get to it. The player will not have that advantage unless you give them clues through dialogue or other mission elements that point them in the right direction. This would also apply to mission length. For you the mission may only take 15 minutes to complete, but for a player it takes an hour because they do not know instinctively where everything is.
The use of response buttons:
When I refer to response buttons I mean the buttons at the bottom of the dialogue window. I know you might have thought that based on my mission reviews this would be at the top of the list. While I do feel it is important, it is not as important as the other items discussed above. As most anyone who has read just about any of my mission reviews knows the use of the response button "Continue" is a pet peeve of mine. There are occasions where it works although I encourage authors to use alternatives to it. For example "..." vice "Continue". Part of this is because I want the author to consider what response is appropriate to the dialogue. As all authors should be aware "Continue" is the default if you leave the button blank. Why does this matter? In my opinion it detracts from your story. For example, one of the player's BOFF's says "Captain, there is a Klingon Bird of Prey decloaking off the port bow" the play's response is "Continue". It just doesn't seem to fit the dialogue.
In the end it is up to the author how they want to use these response buttons to drive the story forward. Remember you can also put the players response in the dialogue window as well, you just have to make it stand out from the other dialogue. Using either [OCC] or [MissionInfo] dialogue is the best way to make it stand out. I prefer the [OOC] myself when designing more extensive responses from the player.
Summary:
It's the details that will get you every single time. I think everyone who has ever had a mission reviewed by me knows I do in-depth but fair reports on authors missions. I have tried to capture those elements that are what I consider to be "Best Practices" in this paper. The above items are ways I feel missions can be improved by the authors. By improving your missions you in turn improve the community and the quality of play for everyone. This makes the entire STO experience a much deeper and rich experience for all players. I reserve the right to edit anything in this paper without notice.
I have posted my "Best Practices" paper and in many of my reviews over the past few years I have recommended the author use a script. I have been using scripts for years in my animation work that I do on the side, so it was a natural thing for me to use in the creation of my Foundry missions. With all those factors in mind here is an example of my template with explanations for each line iteam.
The first section is an important for creating a mission.
Mission Title: Your mission name Project ID: Assigned when you create the mission. Allegiance:Federation or Klingon Level: This depends on the mission elements too.
Description: This is a summary of the story to help you figure out what the purpose of the mission is. This will also help you write a summary that will draw the player in and make them want to click the 'Hail' button.
Cast:
This is optional but is recommend to help you keep track of your characters and make sure you create the ones you need.
Grant Mission Dialog:
This is used to write the dialogue that will make the player want to click the 'Accept' button. You can of course add follow on dialogue that occurs after the player has accepted the mission.
Map Name: The name of the map you are going to create Map Type: This is for your notes on the map type. Is it Space, Ground, or Interior? Map Description This is for your notes on the map. For example; Space with "Weather Starstreaks WestEast 01" effects, class "Y" planet, and class "D" moon. Triggered interaction animation "Coming from warp" with "Weather Starstreaks WestEast 01" effects disappear, while planet and moon appear. Map Transfer: This is for your notes. For example; Earth Space Dock > Your Map Name
Map Text: This becomes your initial mission task. For example; Enter Bridge from panel across from Transporter Room ESD. NPC: This is the dialogue from the NPC who is speaking to the player. The NPC part is usually whoever the NPC is., For example; Tactical Officer (Bridge). Button: This is the entry button to your map. For example; Energize.
Mission Task: This is the task from the mission story section. For example; Explore the ruins.
NPC: As above this is where I write the dialogue from an NPC that the player will read. The NPC is where I put the name or title of whomever the layer is speaking with. Response: This is where I put the player response to the dialogue.
If the dialogue has multiple responses I number each one and indicate that on the NPC dialogue that matches that button. It helps for more complex dialogue. Speaking of more complex dialogue, I recommend you use reducing response buttons to dialogue rather than having the player return to the same dialogue with the same responses to choose another. It is a little more work but I think it makes the story flow better. The only time I use a repeating dialogue with the same response buttons over and over is for database entries in a computer or something along those lines.
For Reach Markers:
Reach Marker: What is it? NPC: Is there NPC dialogue? Response: What is the player response button?
For Interaction:
Mission Task: What is the interaction in the story? For example; Initial scan Interact: What is the interaction button? For example; Scan
If the is enemy combat:
Engage Enemy 1 of 3 Engage Enemy 2 of 3 Engage Enemy 3 of 3
Below is the entire script template I use for you to copy and paste into Word for your own use.
Hello! I'm back a bit earlier than I thought - I was able to complete testing on Lonesome Heart sooner than expected, so I'd like to submit it for your review.
This one is longer and more complex than A Personal Favour, with some more interesting stuff happening. I just hope I managed to keep the story straight...
Summary: This is a great mission with fun battles and well written story dialogue. If you like a mission with a mixture of combat and well written story dialogue then you will want to play this mission. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players.
I mention triggered dialogue vice NPC optional dialogue that is not required to accomplish the mission. This would be dialogue that is available for the player to read and is located along their path as they move across the map but is not required to accomplish the mission. You can also place it next to mission dialogue. The prompt would appear for the player to click on it and then once the player interacts it disappears. The exception to this would be dialogue that is informational but not required to complete the mission. For example; it refines the player's instructions for locating something on the map that may not be clear in the mission dialogue. I would think this type of dialogue should be rare in a mission. Regular mission dialogue should always be clear on the task at hand.
Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description overall. Consider adding a little more story to draw the player in and make them want to click 'Hail'. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This grant dialogue is well written but needs a little more story. You need to draw the player in and make them want to click 'Accept'. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Vulcan System: This is a good map with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it.
Intercept Point Alpha: This is a good map with balanced battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Intercept Point Charlie: This is a good map with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
USS Chaos Theory Engineering: This is a good map with nice battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it.
USS Chaos Theory Bridge: This is a good map with challenging battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
True Way Hideout: This is a good map with balanced battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Obsidian Order Cruiser: This is a good map with nice battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it. Additionally do not have NPCs that have dialogue available moving around. It makes it very hard to read the dialogue when they move away from the player.
-Consider placing a respawn point in the corridor between both battles.
Vulcan System #2: This is a good map with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job and I would have given you 5 stars if the rating system was available..
Brian
On the subject of optional dialogue - I did initially use reach markers and popups, but during testing I noted some issues where the popup could be suppressed by combat, and thereby hidden away in the bottom right where a player might not notice it. I preferred to give people the choice of going and investigating at their leisure.
As for NPCs with dialogue moving...I don't recall that being supposed to happen. I'll look into it.
Oh, and while I'm here, before the queue gets another three miles longer :P
I published the conclusion to this arc just before S9, and I'd like to request a review for it now you've played Lonesome Heart.
Sunset Blues
Federation, ST-HD5OM2ZDI, level 31+
Thanks again!
I am NikkoJT, Foundry author and terrible player. Follow me!
There used to be a picture here, but they changed signatures and I can't be bothered to replace it.
On the subject of optional dialogue - I did initially use reach markers and popups, but during testing I noted some issues where the popup could be suppressed by combat, and thereby hidden away in the bottom right where a player might not notice it. I preferred to give people the choice of going and investigating at their leisure.
As for NPCs with dialogue moving...I don't recall that being supposed to happen. I'll look into it.
Oh, and while I'm here, before the queue gets another three miles longer :P
I published the conclusion to this arc just before S9, and I'd like to request a review for it now you've played Lonesome Heart.
Sunset Blues
Federation, ST-HD5OM2ZDI, level 31+
Thanks again!
Hi nikkojt,
As always I am glad I could help. It really is a great mission.
The optional dialogue is just something I bring up as a reminder of the other means of triggering it. All dialogue being read, both optional and mission, is minimized to the lower right hand side of the screen until the combat condition has gone away. Most players are aware of that and will review the dialogue once combat is complete. It would be great and I have added it to the Foundry wish list to be able create NPC optional dialogue that disappears after it has been interacted with. Until then the option I mentioned is one of the methods to achieve that goal. As with all my recommendation, they are yours to use or not, it is up to you as the author of the mission.
Thanks for the request. The queue is only 2.23 miles long. Your mission submission is 24th in the queue behind theatrrap2. I will get to your new mission as soon as I can.
Hey Evil, just wanted to let you know in one of your reviews there were suggestions at fixes that were done long ago. We noticed in another reviewer's thread that sometimes reviewers keep missions in their journal for a long time. Of course that means authors apply fixes to bugs which may no longer be relevant. Just a recommendation to not pick up a mission until you actually get ready to play it. Should save you a lot of time and less typing hehe.
Hey Evil, just wanted to let you know in one of your reviews there were suggestions at fixes that were done long ago. We noticed in another reviewer's thread that sometimes reviewers keep missions in their journal for a long time. Of course that means authors apply fixes to bugs which may no longer be relevant. Just a recommendation to not pick up a mission until you actually get ready to play it. Should save you a lot of time and less typing hehe.
Hi ashkrik23,
I appreciate the recommendation; however, just to clarify, I do not pick up a mission until I am ready to play it. I always complete the mission the day I pick it up to review.
The queue I refer to in my posts is the folder labeled "Mission Critique Queue" on my computer for the Microsoft Word docs used in my reports. The folder currently contains 23 missions for review, which I will get to as soon as I can. If there are issues noted in my review then it was present in the mission the day I picked up the mission to review. I have never picked up a mission in advance of the day I planned to review it. Now if the author is editing the mission the day I pick it up and play it while they repost it then I can do nothing about that. On a rare occasion I have posted a report a few days after my review but the issues existed in the mission at the time I picked it up to review it. If the author has detected or becomes aware of the issues and fixes them in between that time I cannot control that.
Summary: This is a great mission with some challenging but fun battles and good story dialogue. It is an interesting take on the story you obviously drew from. There were no spelling or grammatical errors in any of the dialogue that I could find. I would recommend this mission to other players and would have given it 5 stars if the rating system was active.
As I said the dialogue was good, however the player response button usage needs some work. It was not just the use of the response button "Continue" it was also the use of phases for the response. For example "Ask why you are here" or "Ask how that could have happened". From my perspective it made it seem more like I was reading a story rather than participating in a mission. Indicating an action can work and I understand that is what you are trying to do with the response buttons but it just did not feel right to me. This is not a show stopper for this mission but rather something to consider changing.
Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant and follow-on dialogue are well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial mission task with a clear entry point for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Research Lab 47: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" and other phrases in lieu of actual responses from the player. From this point forward I will note it on each map and cover it in my summary above.
-Some of the doors appeared to have issues with the away team passing through them. It may be a problem with pathing on this particular map. I suggest reporting the potential issue to the developers for them to look into.
-I recommend the use of triggered optional dialogue in conjunction with story dialogue. This way it goes away after the player interacts with it. As of yet the Foundry does not offer that as an option when using optional dialogue triggered by an NPC.
Space: This is a good map with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" and other phrases in lieu of actual responses from the player.
-The use of "Weather Starstreaks North South 01" and orientation of the map. Consider changing the orientation of the map to run from east to west and use "Weather Starstreaks West East 01".
-I liked the use of the warp multiple times on a single map as part of the story, however you used the "Warp In" effect when the player was going to warp. In addition to changing the orientation as indicated in the above comment, I suggest using the "Warp Out" effect as the player is going to warp.
Badlands: This is a good map with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" and other phrases in lieu of actual responses from the player.
Deck B: This is a good map with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" and other phrases in lieu of actual responses from the player.
-The hatch used to seal the hanger bay does not completely cover the doorway.
Deck C: This is a good map with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" and other phrases in lieu of actual responses from the player.
Badlands#2: This is a good map with several fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" and other phrases in lieu of actual responses from the player.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 05/23/2014 on forum posting for: Zorbane's Mission List.
Scars of the Pride, Part 3:Toxin Synopsis: It has been two days since the attack on the U.S.S. Simba. With Admiral Taka in a coma, your only hope of catching the raiders was a tracking device planted on the stolen Borg technology by Commander M'Kiara. Now the technology has surfaced on a world deep within Klingon Space. On this forgotten world you will discover the inner-workings of a plot to destroy the federation itself. Report to Deep Space K-7 in the Eta Eridani sector block to rendezvous with the U.S.S. Simba and stop a hidden evil from rising. Level 50+
Still newish considering I posted it right before the foundry went down. Let me know if you find any major bugs.
Scars of the Pride, Part 3:Toxin Synopsis: It has been two days since the attack on the U.S.S. Simba. With Admiral Taka in a coma, your only hope of catching the raiders was a tracking device planted on the stolen Borg technology by Commander M'Kiara. Now the technology has surfaced on a world deep within Klingon Space. On this forgotten world you will discover the inner-workings of a plot to destroy the federation itself. Report to Deep Space K-7 in the Eta Eridani sector block to rendezvous with the U.S.S. Simba and stop a hidden evil from rising. Level 50+
Still newish considering I posted it right before the foundry went down. Let me know if you find any major bugs.
Hi ashkrik23,
Welcome back to the queue. Your latest mission is currently 24th in the queue behind nikkojt. I am making headway on the queue as time permits.
Summary: The mission is a good concept but needs work on the story, maps and battles. There is a lot of potential for developing this mission into a great mission with objectives, story dialogue, and tough battles. Below I mention the need for a more detailed description and grant dialogue in order to draw the player in. As the mission moved forward the lack of dialogue, objectives for the player to resolve, or even interaction with the multitude of scientist all over the station seemed odd. The multitudes of NPCs are all opportunities to use optional dialogue that adds to the story but does not require an actual mission objective. You could also use the multitudes of NPCs on the map to add actual mission objectives that tell different parts of the story. Do not get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with a grind mission but even those types of missions need something to drive the mission forward from battle to battle.
Below are several things I wanted to let you know about. The use of the response button "Continue" has been covered in many of my reviews so I will not go into any real detail regarding it here.
Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: The description needs more of the story to draw the player in and make them want to click the 'Hail' button. It should be a summary of the overall story without giving anything away. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue also needs more of the story to draw the player in and make them want to click the 'Accept' button. The grant dialogue is where you really hook the player. The description will give the player a summary of the story but the grant dialogue is where you hook the player. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: The initial task is okay but consider adding the sector block so the player knows exactly where to start. I noted no spelling errors with this task
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Noro System: The map design is well done with placement of optional combat; however I am not sure this map is required. The only mission objective on the map is fly across and beam down. Consider adding more mission objectives or removing the map.
Finding Research Station Entrance: This is a simple map design with one low level enemy mob. The story dialogue is simple with no spelling or grammatical errors. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" was used for every dialogue with the exception of the map transfer text. From this point I will note each map it is used on.
-There is an anomaly clearly visible to the left of the tower as you leave the clearing and yet no mention is made of it. No discussion, no investigation, it seems odd. Consider adding mission objectives regarding the presence of the anomaly or remove it.
Research Facility: This is a nice map design with simple battles. The story dialogue is simple with no spelling or grammatical errors. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" for all dialogue.
-There is a Klingon Federation officer with the legs sticking in the support beam about 2 meters off the ground in the front of the turbo lift. It was also visible before the "Get to turbolift" task was available. Was this intentional?
-If the facility is a Federation science facility why is it Klingon in design? There is nothing in any of the dialogue that explains it.
-One of the mission tasks has the player "Explore facility" but there are no obvious objectives for the player to explore. Simply moving around the facility I appeared to achieve that goal. The player walks past federation scientists without examining or checking them in anyway. These are opportunities to place optional mission objectives that the player can examine but do not hold up the mission.
-There is an NPC standing in one of the rooms at the end of the corridor that appears to be one of the enemy that attacks us later in the map. There is no indication of her purpose in the room or on the map at that point. Consider adding optional dialogue with this NPC to add to the story.
Deeper into facility: This is a nice map design with simple battles. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" for all dialogue.
-Getting to the consoles for the "Check computer logs" tasks felt really unnecessary. The battles with the epogh felt odd. The obstacles that first blocked us and then disappeared seemed odd. It appeared to add nothing to the mission or the story.
-The log review; consider changing "direct him to Quo'nos" to read "direct him to Qo'noS".
-The map transfer dialogue appears to be one of my BOFFs on the ship. Consider making it a tactical BOFF or other away team member.
Facility Control room: This map design is okay but needs some work. The battles are very tough and overwhelming. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The objective is there and the location on the map but no dialogue explaining anything the player is supposed to do in the room.
-The console used in the mission task "Close portal to Gre'thor" is buried in the deck in front of the command chair.
On the way out: This is a nice map design with very tough battles. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" for all dialogue.
To the Transporter: This is a nice map design with very tough battles. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The objective is there and the location on the map but no dialogue explaining anything except when the player reaches the transporter.
Leaving Noro System: This is a nice map design with several tough battles and only one required battle to end the mission. It is essentially a grinder battle with no respawn points. I used my cloaking device to bypass most of the bad guys that were not required to finish the mission. There is nothing at the end of the map to wrap the mission up. Consider adding dialogue that has the player report the final status.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. The concept is good but you need to work on the mission execution a little more to make it a great mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Summary: This is a great exploration mission with excellent story dialogue. I gave it 5 stars because I like story oriented missions. Just as the title says this mission has no combat at all. The use of optional, triggered, combat could be added to your mission but based on the story within the mission I do not think it would work. I would still recommend it to other players who enjoy a good story oriented exploration mission, although not on Elite level. I am just kidding about the elite level.
I mentioned the use of optional mission elements lacking any real detailed information. This is a problem if you want players to spend more time exploring your story oriented mission. If too many of the optional elements contain no details regarding the mission then the player will eventually begin ignoring them. At that point there is no reason to have them. Optional elements allow the author to provide more of the story to the player while not requiring completion to get through a map. It gives you the chance to flesh out more of the story which makes exploratory missions more interesting to play.
Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location to the initial task. This would make it easier for players to find the start.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: The Nebula: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue and nice optional mission elements. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Some of your optional investigation points on this map lack of any detailed information which can be annoying. After a few of these types of encounters the player will ignore optional investigation points. Consider adding more story elements to all optional mission investigation points. I will note this on the remaining maps and cover in more detail in the summary.
-The Exploration: Destroyed Ship dialogue; consider changing "but I cannot iden" to read "but I cannot identify how it was destroyed".
-The Exploration: Anomalous Reading dialogue; consider changing the response button "That is why we are here. Halm, set a course" to read "That is why we are here. Helm, set a course".
-The Exploration: Lighting Bolt dialogue; consider changing "Was that lighting bold that just shot past us" to read "Was that lighting bolt that just shot past us".
-Exploration: Anomalous Reading; dialogue; consider changing "in the immediate vacinity" to read "in the immediate vicinity".
Abandoned Borg Asteroid Facility: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. Some of the optional mission dialogue needs work. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Some of your optional investigation points on this map lack of any detailed information.
-The optional mission element "Mess with some circuits" reveals an NPC standing in the debris saying "That's not funny Q" but no other dialogue discussing it. My assumption is this is supposed to be a hologram of some kind. Consider adding dialogue that discusses the presence of the NPC and provides some explanation for its presence.
The Nebula: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
I suppose now would be a good time to turn my avatar back on *click*
Thanks for the review Evil70th!
Im rather giddy that it was only the optional stuff that needed to be worked on rather than the main stuff. Ill see what I can do to tie all those optional investigation points into the story better (and fix those typos). This might be a good place to begin my Unsung Missions 2.0 revamp/final update" project Ive been thinking about.
About that unexplained NPC appearance, the what the? factor is intentional, like a gag of sorts. All I can say is that you will find out who he is at the end of Maelstrom. Although looking at it now, I think there is a better way that I could've pulled it off.
BTW, I seem to have neglected to tell you that I have started a new thread, Starfarerthetas Foundry Missions which you can find by clicking on my sig. You can find supplemental information for my mission series in this thread, like some short stories found under Appendix B (post #4) that you can now safely read since youve played A Routine Mission.
Again, thank you for taking the time to review foundry missions!
EDIT: ACK! I just realized that I need to change the final dialogue in-game message to direct players to the correct thread! These changes will happen shortly. Apologies for not doing that as soon as I started my new thread.
I suppose now would be a good time to turn my avatar back on *click*
Thanks for the review Evil70th!
Im rather giddy that it was only the optional stuff that needed to be worked on rather than the main stuff. Ill see what I can do to tie all those optional investigation points into the story better (and fix those typos). This might be a good place to begin my Unsung Missions 2.0 revamp/final update" project Ive been thinking about.
About that unexplained NPC appearance, the what the? factor is intentional, like a gag of sorts. All I can say is that you will find out who he is at the end of Maelstrom. Although looking at it now, I think there is a better way that I could've pulled it off.
BTW, I seem to have neglected to tell you that I have started a new thread, Starfarerthetas Foundry Missions which you can find by clicking on my sig. You can find supplemental information for my mission series in this thread, like some short stories found under Appendix B (post #4) that you can now safely read since youve played A Routine Mission.
Again, thank you for taking the time to review foundry missions!
Comments
Looking forward to both, thanks!
Thank you very much! As a note, my time listed on the mission is likely wrong. I have run it a couple times since then and actually paid attention to the time it took and it is probably closer to an hour then 30 minutes.
Hope you are doing well. I've submitted a new mission through the foundry and would like to request a mission report if possible:
Mission Name: Homage to Galris
Author: Joe_King
Minimum Level: Any Level
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HFAZTV5AX
Estimated Mission Length: 30 to 45 minutes
The mission description is as follows:
As the war with the Klingons wages on, you and your gallant crew are called to Risa to investigate an incident aboard the U.S.S. Missouri. The Missouri was escorting the Andorian and Galrisian ambassadors to a trade conference between member and non-member worlds.
All is not as it seems and the future of the Federation depends on your actions.
Can you solve the mystery and save the Federation from a threat within its borders?
Thanks for your consideration!
Joe
Please leave comments or suggestions on the main thread for Homage to Galris at the following link.
Also feel free to check out some of my other projects at the following link.
Hi Joe,
Thanks for the request and welcome to the queue. Your mission is currently 22nd in the queue behind Theatrrap. I like the author name you submitted under.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Thank you Brian!
Joe
Please leave comments or suggestions on the main thread for Homage to Galris at the following link.
Also feel free to check out some of my other projects at the following link.
It is still a good name. I am not joking.
Brian
Federation Mission - Scars of the Pride - Part 1: Vacation So Short
Author: ashkrik23
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID:
Report Start
Summary: The mission is good with nice map designs, balanced battles and well written story dialogue. There are several places in the dialogue that need some work but overall the story is solid. I would recommend this mission to all players who like a good balance between combat and dialogue.
Many authors have the player discuss issues and solutions with the BOFFs while still standing next to the cause of the issue. An example of this is in the 'Unfriendly Welcome' dialogue. After being harshly dismissed by the NPC the player proceeds to discuss it with the BOFFs. I would suggest having the player move away before continuing dialogue with the BOFFs regarding the encounter they had in the 'Unfriendly Welcome' dialogue. This might seem like a minor issue but try to think of the story in real world terms. In the real world most likely you would move away before discussing tactics or plans. It is something to consider as you go through the story.
In a few places the story dialogue appears to indicate the player or an NPC knows something of the story that they would have no way of knowing. An example of this is the 'Investigation' dialogue. In the dialogue "and see if there may be some kind of safehouse there" assumes there is a safehouse in that area. It just did not feel right in the story. That is why I recommended changing that dialogue to read "and see if we can determine where the suspect went". This is a type of foreshadowing but just felt awkward and gave a little too much away. The player should discover the safehouse as they investigate the old district of Hathon.
Below are several things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Bajor, City of Hathon: This is a nice map design and the dialogue is well written but needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The 'Arival' dialogue; check the use of the word "Perhaps" in two sentences in a row does not work. Consider changing "Perhaps the can help point us" to read "Maybe they can point us".
-The 'Unfriendly Welcome' dialogue; consider changing the response button "I was seeing if you knew where to find the diner here" to read "Would you be able to direct us to a good place to eat".
-The 'Unfriendly Welcome' dialogue; consider changing the dialogue "We don't have time to try and give people directions" to read "We don't have time to give people directions".
-The 'Unfriendly Welcome' dialogue; consider changing the dialogue "Either go find it yourself or go bother someone else" to read "Go bother someone else".
-The 'Unfriendly Welcome' dialogue; consider having the player and BOFFs move away from the Ferasan NPCs before continuing the dialogue. The follow on dialogue between the player and the BOFFs does not feel right while still standing next to the Ferasan. I will cover this in more detail in the summary above.
-The 'Another Unfriendly Welcome' dialogue; it seems out of the way to cross the bridge over the pools just to be snubbed by the Ferasan. Consider moving the Ferasan to the other side of the pools.
-The 'Another Unfriendly Welcome' dialogue; consider changing the response button "I just needed to ask for directions to the local diner" to read "My apologies" and then end that dialogue.
-The 'Directions Finally Gained' dialogue; the BOFF said they overheard one of the 'locals' giving directions to find food. I noted that all of NPCs the player interacts with to get directions are Ferasan. After the first interaction it seems the player should have asked a local or other species. You seem to be going out of your way to point out the large number of Ferasan that are present in the city. Most of the interactions do not seem to add anything to the story.
-The 'A reunion with friends' dialogue; consider changing "So we came to pick one of our favorite drinks when we use to visit Bajor during our academy years" to read "I figured it was a great time to get one of my favorite drinks from my academy days".
-The 'A reunion with friends' dialogue; consider changing "You gave your life" to read "You risked your life".
-The 'A reunion with friends' dialogue; consider changing "I feel though I will never be able to repay you" to read "I will never be able to repay you".
-The 'A reunion with friends' dialogue; consider changing "Even in the darkest hour, you still had hope that you and your crew could break me free from the collective, and for that, I thank you" to read "When all hope seemed to be lost you refused to give up on me, and for that I thank you".
-The 'A reunion with friends' dialogue; consider changing the response button "Let's just be careful with that while it's still got Borg programming" to read "We should exercise caution since it's Borg technology".
-The 'Directions to Taka's office' dialogue; consider changing "Admiral Taka's office should be near the Starfleet HQ here" to read "Admiral Taka's office should at the Starfleet offices not far from here".
-The 'Directions to Taka's office' dialogue; consider removing "It's over by streets deeper in the city" based on my other recommendation to change the dialogue above.
-The 'Suspicious activity' dialogue; consider changing "Hey, isnt that the Feresan we asked for help from earlier" to read "That looks like the Ferasan we asked for directions earlier".
-The 'Suspicious activity' dialogue; consider changing "What is she doing by herself out here" to read "What is she doing out here by herself".
-The 'Tension' dialogue; consider removing the response button "All right, sorry to bother you".
-The 'Tension' dialogue; consider changing the response button "Fixing a console all the way over here by yourself" to read "Fixing a console".
-The 'Tension' dialogue; the response button "Fine, fine, sorry to be a bother" seems odd. If it is suspicious activity then the player needs to confront the Ferasan more in depth. You could also simply change the response button to "I will speak to the council" or something along those lines.
-The 'Tension' dialogue; this is another example of when the player should move away before talking to the BOFFs. From this point I will note it and discuss it in the summary above.
-I noted that on some of the dialogue you have capitalized each word and on others only the first latter. Consider changing them to be consistent across the dialogue.
Taka's Office: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The 'Admiral Taka' dialogue; consider changing "my people is an endangered one" to read my people are an endangered species".
-The Change in plans' security officer dialogue; consider changing "Some kind of bomb just went out in one of the back alleys" to read "A bomb was set off in one of the back alleys".
-The Change in plans' security officer dialogue; consider changing "The blast was not intended to kill, but there seemed to be a release of some kind of gas" to read "It appears the bomb was not intended to kill but released some sort of gas".
Bajor, City of Hathon Under Attack: This is a good map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The 'Medical Briefing' dialogue; you use the word "seems" in two sentences in a row. It reads awkwardly. Consider changing one of them to "appears".
-The 'Medical Briefing' dialogue; the medic does not know what the toxin is but somehow has a hypo with something in it that will stabilize the injured. That sentence contradicts itself. Add a line explaining why she thinks it will stabilize them. "It appears to acting on their breathing" or something related to the symptoms.
-The 'Investigation' dialogue; consider changing "causing issues between us and them" to read "causing issues between us and the Klingons". As it is currently written it is not clear who the word "them" is referring to.
-The 'Investigation' dialogue; consider changing "the Ferasans are like rogues" to read "the Ferasans are a rogue element".
-The 'Investigation' dialogue; consider changing "Knowing that Admiral Taka is here would inspire them to cause trouble for the Caitian people" to read "Admiral Taka's presence here appears to have inspired them to cause trouble for the Caitian people".
-The 'Investigation' dialogue; consider striking the line "Especially with us being so vulnerable after what the Borg did to Cait". The previous mission does not need to be referenced constantly in the dialogue of every NPC.
-The 'Investigation' dialogue; consider changing "and see if there may be some kind of safehouse there" to read "and see if we can determine where the suspect went". The fact that you, as the author, know that the next map is "Ferasan Safehouse" does not mean the NPC or player knows that. They are investigating to see what they find.
-The 'Investigation' dialogue; consider removing "additional" from the NPC statement regarding backup. The word "additional" implies that the player is entering the area with back up.
-The 'Investigation' dialogue; consider changing "Just be careful" to read "Be careful".
-The 'Investigation' dialogue; consider changing "These people are not someone to trifle with" to read "These Ferasan are not to be trifled with".
-The searching of the alleyway with the Mugato infestation; the presence of Klingon weapons crates and remodeling does not work well. If security has been working on removing the infestation for weeks someone would have noticed the crates and changes to the area. Consider changing the Klingon crates to generic crates that are left behind since the warehouses were abandoned. Remove the Klingon modifications from the walls and surrounding area. If you are going to have a "safe house" you would not want to call attention to it.
-The 'Investigation' dialogue; based on my recommendation above consider changing the entire dialogue starting with "Someone has been doing some remodeling here" to read "Aside from the Mugato infestation I get a bad feeling about this place. We should proceed with caution".
-The 'Map Transfer' dialogue; consider changing "This appears to be the entrance to the safehouse" to read "This appears to be an entrance to some sort of safe house".
Ferasan Safehouse: This is a good map design with several fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The 'The Safehouse' dialogue; consider changing "Picking up lifesigns all throughout the building" to read "I am picking up Ferasan life signs throughout the building".
-The 'The Safehouse' dialogue; consider changing "There are Ferasans everywhere" to read "The walls appear to be shielded. That would explain why external sensors did not detect the Ferasan here".
-The 'The Safehouse' dialogue; consider changing "I'm also detecting communication equipment signals here" to read "I'm also detecting signals that appear to be from communications equipment".
-The 'Communications Closed' dialogue; consider changing "All the equipment is destroyed now" to read "That should be the last of the communications equipment".
-The 'Communications Closed' dialogue; consider changing "I am picking up some data nodes in the next room" to read "I am picking up consoles that may contain data nodes".
-The 'Communications Closed' dialogue; consider changing "The files stored on them should provide us with needed information as to what they are doing here" to read "If those consoles contain data nodes we may be able to find out what the Ferasans are up to".
-Consider adding dialogue that pops up just before the player gets to the door of the next room. That dialogue would have confirmation that the consoles in the room contain data nodes.
-The 'Intentions Discovered' dialogue; consider changing "There are constant mentions of a mistress" to read "There are constant references to a mistress".
U.S.S. Simba Sickbay: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The 'Compiling the facts' dialogue; consider changing "trying to make peace between The Caitians and Ferasans" to read "trying to make peace between the Caitians and Ferasans".
-The 'Compiling the facts' dialogue; consider changing "He had lived on Cait for many years during that time" to read "He lived on Cait for many years".
-The 'Compiling the facts' dialogue; consider changing "His family lived with him during that time on Cait as well" to read "His family lived with him on Cait".
-The 'Compiling the facts' dialogue; consider changing "And with that brainwashing she winded up here eventually" to read "And with that brainwashing she wound up here".
-The 'Compiling the facts' dialogue; consider changing "We should probably send out a system-wide message to stay alert" to read "We will send out a system wide alert to watch for any suspicious activity in the area".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing the next part in the series and more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 04/21/2014 on forum posting for: Ashkrik23's foundry missions.
Mission Title: Raptor's Reflection
Author: @ElijahThomas
Project ID: ST-HTNN3WO5B
Faction: Federation (Recommended for play with Starfleet Character)
Level Requirement: 31+
Estimated Time: 30 - 40 Minutes
Synopsis:
You are contacted by Captain Shon of the U.S.S. Enterprise with a request for assistance near the former Romulan Star Empire. However, what seems like a routine mission of mercy will soon erupt into a deadly game played across two universes.
Features:
My First Published Foundry Mission
Play Time between 30 and 40 minutes
Story-based mission with plenty of dialog
Space and Interior Combat
Every map is custom made
Hi Elijah,
Welcome to the foundry and the queue. Your mission is currently 23rd in the queue behind Joe_King. I will get to your mission as soon as I can.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
I would like to submit another mission for review
State of the Union
Fed 41+
Playtime: 1-2 hours
ID: ST-HQZMJ6ISV
Act I of III
Tytasita, a member world with a newly elected government, is preparing to secede from the Federation. The Federation Council has sent diplomats to meet with the new government. During negotiations, the diplomats were arrested as terrorists and are awaiting a trial.
Starfleet Command was able to arrange a meeting with Tytasian representatives, who agreed to meet with you at Deep Space Nine.
Author: Theatrrap
Minimum Level: 46+ or above
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HT68H8HC2
Estimated Mission Length: About 60 minutes.
Start Point: Door on Main Concourse of Earth Space Dock
Description: You and your crew have been selected to attend a special refresher boot camp intended for Starfleet's elite. Times are dangerous and we need our best men to truly be their best. Please report to the transports at Earth Space Dock.
Hi councilspectre,
Welcome back to the queue. Your mission is currently 23rd in the queue behind ElijahThomas. I will get through the queue to your mission as soon as I can.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Hi Theatrrap,
Welcome to the queue. Your mission is currently 24th in the queue behind councilspectre. I will get through the queue as soon as I can and review your mission.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - Scars of the Pride - Part 2: The Claw
Author: ashkrik23
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID:
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. You have definitely improved your spelling and grammar in this story over the previous mission. While I would recommend this mission to all players I would not recommend them on Elite level. The toughness of the enemy mobs more than a challenge on normal level.
I mentioned the use of puzzles on two of the maps below. The use puzzles can be fun but they should serve a purpose in the story. Making them part of a decryption sequence for access to a door did not appear to add anything to the story. You did use a bypass puzzle button but the puzzles you used did not appear to add to the story. It would make more sense that a Starfleet officer would be able to override any security protocol on a Starfleet vessel.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue albeit an unusual approach I like it. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
U.S.S. Simba Research Level: This is a good map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Puzzles can be fun but should have something to do with the story. Consider removing the puzzle to open the door to the shuttle bay. It does not enhance the story in anyway.
-Consider changing the turbo lift to the standard Federation turbolift. The one you are using looks out of place.
Engineering: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The respawn point is behind the force field. If a player is forced to use it they cannot complete the map. Consider removing the force field or moving it where it will not place the player behind it if they have to respawn.
-Consider making the bombs all the same.
-Consider changing the random logs that are not objectives on the map to be a body that is set to appear after the enemy mobs are killed.
-The Reman Personal Log; consider changing "The can not be allowed" to read "They cannot be allowed".
-Consider removing the puzzle. It does not enhance the story in anyway.
-Consider changing the turbo lift to the standard Federation turbolift.
-Consider changing the map name to "U.S.S. Simba Engineering" in order to match the other ship maps.
U.S.S. Simba Bridge: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider removing the question by the player "Speaking of Zira, who is she". Since you do not intend to answer the question and the player ends up agreeing they do not need to know makes the question irrelevant to the story.
-Consider changing the turbo lift to the standard Federation turbolift.
U.S.S. Simba Crew Deck: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
U.S.S. Simba Medbay: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Claw dialogue; consider changing "did not go unnoticed. but I'm sure" to read "did not go unnoticed, but I'm sure"
-Consider changing "Your rashness clerly demonstrates" to read "Your rashness clearly demonstrates".
Lateri System: This is a good map with very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with this mission and the series so far.
Brian
This critique report also filed 05/11/2014 on forum posting for: Ashkrik23's foundry missions.
As many of you know I have reviewed over 250 Foundry missions in the past few years. In that time I have identified a variety of issues that need to be reworked in those missions. This is a republishing of my paper regarding, what I consider to be, a set of "best practices" for authoring missions. I also highly recommend using Starbase UGC as they have several topics covering using the Foundry. Please remember, everything in this paper is only my opinion based on my experience, and they are yours to use of not as you choose.
Plots, storyline and dialogue:
The creation of a storyline is one of the most important elements of mission development. The author needs to capture the player's attention and then hold it for the length of the mission. Most players do not mind playing longer missions as long as there are elements to it that keep them engaged in the story.
Regardless of a mission being story or combat oriented it needs to have a plot to drive the action forward. In a combat mission if all the player does is flying into a system and battle large quantities of enemy mobs, then beams down to a planet, ship or a station to engage more enemy mobs with a single line of dialogue like, "Beam down sir" most likely the player will get bored quickly. This is true with a story oriented mission too. If a player spends time playing a story oriented mission and the plot makes no sense at all then you will lose them quickly as well. You have to have some plot to support the mission and it needs to make sense. Some things to consider when creating a plot for your mission:
The story dialogue that drives the mission forward is another element to good mission design. If the story dialogue does not make sense you will lose the player really quickly and your mission will become tedious. There is a simple way to avoid this. Read the dialogue out loud. This means to actually read the dialogue out loud while you sit in front of the screen testing the mission. When you read it to yourself your brain can trick you into thinking you actually said something in the dialogue that you knew was supposed to be there but actually is not. The brain is an amazing tool that helps us interpret the world around us. When we read something to ourselves and certain things are missing the brain will fill in the gaps by making assumptions. This is especially true if it is something you wrote, because you knew exactly what you wanted to say, even if you didn't write it like that.
Spelling and grammar errors:
As a general rule I will not lower my rating of a mission based solely on the spelling or grammatical errors, but it can be a contributing factor to a lower score. Many of the mission ratings I read, prior to playing a mission, mention "spelling" or "grammar" or both as an issue. Since that is the main thing they mention in their review on STO it would be logical to assume that accounts for a large part of the rating they've given the mission. In some cases it is a three star or less and others a four star rating. Yes even some are five stars with the accompanying "spelling" or "grammar" issues comment. The point here is spelling and grammar issues can easily be addressed with spelling/grammar checking available in most word processor programs on the market today. I write scripts for my missions using MS Word as my principle means of spell checking my dialogue. In the early days of my mission evaluation I noted a few spelling errors that, it did not occur to me at the time, were due to the differences in UK English and US English. I've done so many mission reviews at this point I hardly notice the difference anymore.
Map utilization:
This is an element of mission development that can be abused. To put it simply, just because you can create 10 maps does not mean you should. These are just a few things to consider when creating a map for your mission:
Triggers, effects, and NPC utilization:
Using triggers to tell a story is another important skill to have when developing a mission in the Foundry. Here are a couple of ways they can help:
Using effects to dress up a story is another important skill to have when developing a mission in the Foundry. Here are a few things to consider:
Testing your mission:
There have been a number of times when I mention to the author "I cannot find a story element" or "the element doesn't work" in their mission. The normal response I get back is "It worked great when I tested it" or "I had no problem with it". Here are few things the author needs to remember:
The use of response buttons:
When I refer to response buttons I mean the buttons at the bottom of the dialogue window. I know you might have thought that based on my mission reviews this would be at the top of the list. While I do feel it is important, it is not as important as the other items discussed above. As most anyone who has read just about any of my mission reviews knows the use of the response button "Continue" is a pet peeve of mine. There are occasions where it works although I encourage authors to use alternatives to it. For example "..." vice "Continue". Part of this is because I want the author to consider what response is appropriate to the dialogue. As all authors should be aware "Continue" is the default if you leave the button blank. Why does this matter? In my opinion it detracts from your story. For example, one of the player's BOFF's says "Captain, there is a Klingon Bird of Prey decloaking off the port bow" the play's response is "Continue". It just doesn't seem to fit the dialogue.
In the end it is up to the author how they want to use these response buttons to drive the story forward. Remember you can also put the players response in the dialogue window as well, you just have to make it stand out from the other dialogue. Using either [OCC] or [MissionInfo] dialogue is the best way to make it stand out. I prefer the [OOC] myself when designing more extensive responses from the player.
Summary:
It's the details that will get you every single time. I think everyone who has ever had a mission reviewed by me knows I do in-depth but fair reports on authors missions. I have tried to capture those elements that are what I consider to be "Best Practices" in this paper. The above items are ways I feel missions can be improved by the authors. By improving your missions you in turn improve the community and the quality of play for everyone. This makes the entire STO experience a much deeper and rich experience for all players. I reserve the right to edit anything in this paper without notice.
Thanks for reading,
Brian
The first section is an important for creating a mission.
Mission Title: Your mission name
Project ID: Assigned when you create the mission.
Allegiance: Federation or Klingon
Level: This depends on the mission elements too.
Description: This is a summary of the story to help you figure out what the purpose of the mission is. This will also help you write a summary that will draw the player in and make them want to click the 'Hail' button.
Cast:
This is optional but is recommend to help you keep track of your characters and make sure you create the ones you need.
Grant Mission Dialog:
This is used to write the dialogue that will make the player want to click the 'Accept' button. You can of course add follow on dialogue that occurs after the player has accepted the mission.
Map Name: The name of the map you are going to create
Map Type: This is for your notes on the map type. Is it Space, Ground, or Interior?
Map Description This is for your notes on the map. For example; Space with "Weather Starstreaks WestEast 01" effects, class "Y" planet, and class "D" moon. Triggered interaction animation "Coming from warp" with "Weather Starstreaks WestEast 01" effects disappear, while planet and moon appear.
Map Transfer: This is for your notes. For example; Earth Space Dock > Your Map Name
Map Text: This becomes your initial mission task. For example; Enter Bridge from panel across from Transporter Room ESD.
NPC: This is the dialogue from the NPC who is speaking to the player. The NPC part is usually whoever the NPC is., For example; Tactical Officer (Bridge).
Button: This is the entry button to your map. For example; Energize.
Mission Task: This is the task from the mission story section. For example; Explore the ruins.
NPC: As above this is where I write the dialogue from an NPC that the player will read. The NPC is where I put the name or title of whomever the layer is speaking with.
Response: This is where I put the player response to the dialogue.
If the dialogue has multiple responses I number each one and indicate that on the NPC dialogue that matches that button. It helps for more complex dialogue. Speaking of more complex dialogue, I recommend you use reducing response buttons to dialogue rather than having the player return to the same dialogue with the same responses to choose another. It is a little more work but I think it makes the story flow better. The only time I use a repeating dialogue with the same response buttons over and over is for database entries in a computer or something along those lines.
For Reach Markers:
Reach Marker: What is it?
NPC: Is there NPC dialogue?
Response: What is the player response button?
For Interaction:
Mission Task: What is the interaction in the story? For example; Initial scan
Interact: What is the interaction button? For example; Scan
If the is enemy combat:
Engage Enemy 1 of 3
Engage Enemy 2 of 3
Engage Enemy 3 of 3
Below is the entire script template I use for you to copy and paste into Word for your own use.
Script Example
Mission Title:
Project ID:
Allegiance:
Level: 16+
Description: [Rank] [LastName], (STORY SUMMARY)
[OOC] Authors Notes:
Heavy dialog with some combat.
Estimate length;
minutes with full dialog.
with "Skip Dialog".[/OOC]
Cast:
Summary:
Authors Note:
Grant Mission Dialog:
Map Name:
Map Transfer:
Map Text:
NPC:
Button:
Mission Task:
NPC:
Response:
NPC:
Response:
Mission Task:
NPC:
Response:
NPC:
Response:
Optional Response: I would like to move on please. (Skip Dialog)
NPC Optional Response:
Response: Got it. Thanks...
Reach Marker:
NPC:
Response:
Mission Task:
NPC:
Response:
Map Name:
Map Transfer:
Map Text:
NPC:
Button:
Mission Task:
Interact:
NPC:
Response:
Mission Task:
Engage Enemy 1/3
Engage Enemy 2/3
Engage Enemy 3/3
NPC:
Response:
NPC:
Response:
End Mission
End Example
I hope this helps and if you have any questions please let me know.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - Lonesome Heart
Author: nikkojt
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HGM9WKQKU
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission with fun battles and well written story dialogue. If you like a mission with a mixture of combat and well written story dialogue then you will want to play this mission. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players.
I mention triggered dialogue vice NPC optional dialogue that is not required to accomplish the mission. This would be dialogue that is available for the player to read and is located along their path as they move across the map but is not required to accomplish the mission. You can also place it next to mission dialogue. The prompt would appear for the player to click on it and then once the player interacts it disappears. The exception to this would be dialogue that is informational but not required to complete the mission. For example; it refines the player's instructions for locating something on the map that may not be clear in the mission dialogue. I would think this type of dialogue should be rare in a mission. Regular mission dialogue should always be clear on the task at hand.
Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description overall. Consider adding a little more story to draw the player in and make them want to click 'Hail'. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This grant dialogue is well written but needs a little more story. You need to draw the player in and make them want to click 'Accept'. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Vulcan System: This is a good map with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it.
Intercept Point Alpha: This is a good map with balanced battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Intercept Point Charlie: This is a good map with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
USS Chaos Theory Engineering: This is a good map with nice battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it.
USS Chaos Theory Bridge: This is a good map with challenging battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
True Way Hideout: This is a good map with balanced battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Obsidian Order Cruiser: This is a good map with nice battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it. Additionally do not have NPCs that have dialogue available moving around. It makes it very hard to read the dialogue when they move away from the player.
-Consider placing a respawn point in the corridor between both battles.
Vulcan System #2: This is a good map with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job and I would have given you 5 stars if the rating system was available..
Brian
This critique report also filed 05/17/2014 on forum posting for: Battle Group Chaos Theory [mission hub thread]
On the subject of optional dialogue - I did initially use reach markers and popups, but during testing I noted some issues where the popup could be suppressed by combat, and thereby hidden away in the bottom right where a player might not notice it. I preferred to give people the choice of going and investigating at their leisure.
As for NPCs with dialogue moving...I don't recall that being supposed to happen. I'll look into it.
Oh, and while I'm here, before the queue gets another three miles longer :P
I published the conclusion to this arc just before S9, and I'd like to request a review for it now you've played Lonesome Heart.
Sunset Blues
Federation, ST-HD5OM2ZDI, level 31+
Thanks again!
There used to be a picture here, but they changed signatures and I can't be bothered to replace it.
Hi nikkojt,
As always I am glad I could help. It really is a great mission.
The optional dialogue is just something I bring up as a reminder of the other means of triggering it. All dialogue being read, both optional and mission, is minimized to the lower right hand side of the screen until the combat condition has gone away. Most players are aware of that and will review the dialogue once combat is complete. It would be great and I have added it to the Foundry wish list to be able create NPC optional dialogue that disappears after it has been interacted with. Until then the option I mentioned is one of the methods to achieve that goal. As with all my recommendation, they are yours to use or not, it is up to you as the author of the mission.
Thanks for the request. The queue is only 2.23 miles long.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Hi ashkrik23,
I appreciate the recommendation; however, just to clarify, I do not pick up a mission until I am ready to play it. I always complete the mission the day I pick it up to review.
The queue I refer to in my posts is the folder labeled "Mission Critique Queue" on my computer for the Microsoft Word docs used in my reports. The folder currently contains 23 missions for review, which I will get to as soon as I can.
Thanks again for the recommendation.
Brian
Federation Mission - The Improbable Bulk
Author: Zorbane
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HKFZXUY5N
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission with some challenging but fun battles and good story dialogue. It is an interesting take on the story you obviously drew from.
As I said the dialogue was good, however the player response button usage needs some work. It was not just the use of the response button "Continue" it was also the use of phases for the response. For example "Ask why you are here" or "Ask how that could have happened". From my perspective it made it seem more like I was reading a story rather than participating in a mission. Indicating an action can work and I understand that is what you are trying to do with the response buttons but it just did not feel right to me. This is not a show stopper for this mission but rather something to consider changing.
Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant and follow-on dialogue are well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial mission task with a clear entry point for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Research Lab 47: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" and other phrases in lieu of actual responses from the player. From this point forward I will note it on each map and cover it in my summary above.
-Some of the doors appeared to have issues with the away team passing through them. It may be a problem with pathing on this particular map. I suggest reporting the potential issue to the developers for them to look into.
-I recommend the use of triggered optional dialogue in conjunction with story dialogue. This way it goes away after the player interacts with it. As of yet the Foundry does not offer that as an option when using optional dialogue triggered by an NPC.
Space: This is a good map with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" and other phrases in lieu of actual responses from the player.
-The use of "Weather Starstreaks North South 01" and orientation of the map. Consider changing the orientation of the map to run from east to west and use "Weather Starstreaks West East 01".
-I liked the use of the warp multiple times on a single map as part of the story, however you used the "Warp In" effect when the player was going to warp. In addition to changing the orientation as indicated in the above comment, I suggest using the "Warp Out" effect as the player is going to warp.
Badlands: This is a good map with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" and other phrases in lieu of actual responses from the player.
Deck B: This is a good map with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" and other phrases in lieu of actual responses from the player.
-The hatch used to seal the hanger bay does not completely cover the doorway.
Deck C: This is a good map with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" and other phrases in lieu of actual responses from the player.
Badlands#2: This is a good map with several fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" and other phrases in lieu of actual responses from the player.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 05/23/2014 on forum posting for: Zorbane's Mission List.
Fed: Level 50+
Scars of the Pride, Part 3:Toxin
Synopsis: It has been two days since the attack on the U.S.S. Simba. With Admiral Taka in a coma, your only hope of catching the raiders was a tracking device planted on the stolen Borg technology by Commander M'Kiara. Now the technology has surfaced on a world deep within Klingon Space. On this forgotten world you will discover the inner-workings of a plot to destroy the federation itself. Report to Deep Space K-7 in the Eta Eridani sector block to rendezvous with the U.S.S. Simba and stop a hidden evil from rising. Level 50+
Still newish considering I posted it right before the foundry went down. Let me know if you find any major bugs.
Hi ashkrik23,
Welcome back to the queue. Your latest mission is currently 24th in the queue behind nikkojt. I am making headway on the queue as time permits.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - The Devil's Playground
Author: confedinblue
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HE4GS98P8
Report Start
Summary: The mission is a good concept but needs work on the story, maps and battles. There is a lot of potential for developing this mission into a great mission with objectives, story dialogue, and tough battles. Below I mention the need for a more detailed description and grant dialogue in order to draw the player in. As the mission moved forward the lack of dialogue, objectives for the player to resolve, or even interaction with the multitude of scientist all over the station seemed odd. The multitudes of NPCs are all opportunities to use optional dialogue that adds to the story but does not require an actual mission objective. You could also use the multitudes of NPCs on the map to add actual mission objectives that tell different parts of the story. Do not get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with a grind mission but even those types of missions need something to drive the mission forward from battle to battle.
Below are several things I wanted to let you know about. The use of the response button "Continue" has been covered in many of my reviews so I will not go into any real detail regarding it here.
Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: The description needs more of the story to draw the player in and make them want to click the 'Hail' button. It should be a summary of the overall story without giving anything away. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue also needs more of the story to draw the player in and make them want to click the 'Accept' button. The grant dialogue is where you really hook the player. The description will give the player a summary of the story but the grant dialogue is where you hook the player. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: The initial task is okay but consider adding the sector block so the player knows exactly where to start. I noted no spelling errors with this task
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Noro System: The map design is well done with placement of optional combat; however I am not sure this map is required. The only mission objective on the map is fly across and beam down. Consider adding more mission objectives or removing the map.
Finding Research Station Entrance: This is a simple map design with one low level enemy mob. The story dialogue is simple with no spelling or grammatical errors. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" was used for every dialogue with the exception of the map transfer text. From this point I will note each map it is used on.
-There is an anomaly clearly visible to the left of the tower as you leave the clearing and yet no mention is made of it. No discussion, no investigation, it seems odd. Consider adding mission objectives regarding the presence of the anomaly or remove it.
Research Facility: This is a nice map design with simple battles. The story dialogue is simple with no spelling or grammatical errors. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" for all dialogue.
-There is a Klingon Federation officer with the legs sticking in the support beam about 2 meters off the ground in the front of the turbo lift. It was also visible before the "Get to turbolift" task was available. Was this intentional?
-If the facility is a Federation science facility why is it Klingon in design? There is nothing in any of the dialogue that explains it.
-One of the mission tasks has the player "Explore facility" but there are no obvious objectives for the player to explore. Simply moving around the facility I appeared to achieve that goal. The player walks past federation scientists without examining or checking them in anyway. These are opportunities to place optional mission objectives that the player can examine but do not hold up the mission.
-There is an NPC standing in one of the rooms at the end of the corridor that appears to be one of the enemy that attacks us later in the map. There is no indication of her purpose in the room or on the map at that point. Consider adding optional dialogue with this NPC to add to the story.
Deeper into facility: This is a nice map design with simple battles. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" for all dialogue.
-Getting to the consoles for the "Check computer logs" tasks felt really unnecessary. The battles with the epogh felt odd. The obstacles that first blocked us and then disappeared seemed odd. It appeared to add nothing to the mission or the story.
-The log review; consider changing "direct him to Quo'nos" to read "direct him to Qo'noS".
-The map transfer dialogue appears to be one of my BOFFs on the ship. Consider making it a tactical BOFF or other away team member.
Facility Control room: This map design is okay but needs some work. The battles are very tough and overwhelming. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The objective is there and the location on the map but no dialogue explaining anything the player is supposed to do in the room.
-The console used in the mission task "Close portal to Gre'thor" is buried in the deck in front of the command chair.
On the way out: This is a nice map design with very tough battles. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" for all dialogue.
To the Transporter: This is a nice map design with very tough battles. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The objective is there and the location on the map but no dialogue explaining anything except when the player reaches the transporter.
Leaving Noro System: This is a nice map design with several tough battles and only one required battle to end the mission. It is essentially a grinder battle with no respawn points. I used my cloaking device to bypass most of the bad guys that were not required to finish the mission. There is nothing at the end of the map to wrap the mission up. Consider adding dialogue that has the player report the final status.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. The concept is good but you need to work on the mission execution a little more to make it a great mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 05/26/2014 on forum posting for: The Devil's Playground
Mission Name: Time for Tribble Troubles
Author: jezaleigha
Minimum Level: none
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HUXDG4Y00
Estimated Mission Length: 25 minutes
Hi jezaleigha,
Welcome to the queue. Your mission is currently 22nd in the queue behind ashkrik23. I will get to your mission as soon as I can.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - A Routine Mission
Author: starfarertheta
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HA6JIBXJD
Report Start
Summary: This is a great exploration mission with excellent story dialogue. I gave it 5 stars because I like story oriented missions. Just as the title says this mission has no combat at all. The use of optional, triggered, combat could be added to your mission but based on the story within the mission I do not think it would work. I would still recommend it to other players who enjoy a good story oriented exploration mission, although not on Elite level. I am just kidding about the elite level.
I mentioned the use of optional mission elements lacking any real detailed information. This is a problem if you want players to spend more time exploring your story oriented mission. If too many of the optional elements contain no details regarding the mission then the player will eventually begin ignoring them. At that point there is no reason to have them. Optional elements allow the author to provide more of the story to the player while not requiring completion to get through a map. It gives you the chance to flesh out more of the story which makes exploratory missions more interesting to play.
Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location to the initial task. This would make it easier for players to find the start.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
The Nebula: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue and nice optional mission elements. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Some of your optional investigation points on this map lack of any detailed information which can be annoying. After a few of these types of encounters the player will ignore optional investigation points. Consider adding more story elements to all optional mission investigation points. I will note this on the remaining maps and cover in more detail in the summary.
-The Exploration: Destroyed Ship dialogue; consider changing "but I cannot iden" to read "but I cannot identify how it was destroyed".
-The Exploration: Anomalous Reading dialogue; consider changing the response button "That is why we are here. Halm, set a course" to read "That is why we are here. Helm, set a course".
-The Exploration: Lighting Bolt dialogue; consider changing "Was that lighting bold that just shot past us" to read "Was that lighting bolt that just shot past us".
-Exploration: Anomalous Reading; dialogue; consider changing "in the immediate vacinity" to read "in the immediate vicinity".
Abandoned Borg Asteroid Facility: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. Some of the optional mission dialogue needs work. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Some of your optional investigation points on this map lack of any detailed information.
-The optional mission element "Mess with some circuits" reveals an NPC standing in the debris saying "That's not funny Q" but no other dialogue discussing it. My assumption is this is supposed to be a hologram of some kind. Consider adding dialogue that discusses the presence of the NPC and provides some explanation for its presence.
The Nebula: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 06/05/2014 on forum posting for: "The Unsung Mission" Collection.
Thanks for the review Evil70th!
Im rather giddy that it was only the optional stuff that needed to be worked on rather than the main stuff. Ill see what I can do to tie all those optional investigation points into the story better (and fix those typos). This might be a good place to begin my Unsung Missions 2.0 revamp/final update" project Ive been thinking about.
About that unexplained NPC appearance, the what the? factor is intentional, like a gag of sorts. All I can say is that you will find out who he is at the end of Maelstrom.
BTW, I seem to have neglected to tell you that I have started a new thread, Starfarerthetas Foundry Missions which you can find by clicking on my sig. You can find supplemental information for my mission series in this thread, like some short stories found under Appendix B (post #4) that you can now safely read since youve played A Routine Mission.
Again, thank you for taking the time to review foundry missions!
EDIT: ACK! I just realized that I need to change the final dialogue in-game message to direct players to the correct thread! These changes will happen shortly. Apologies for not doing that as soon as I started my new thread.
Edit 2: Or at least I need to be more specific.
As always I am glad I could help.
Brian