Hello, I'd very much appreciate you trying my mission if you have the time:
Mission Name: Futility
Author: @elzombie
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HDZVFBBD2
Estimated Mission Length: Took me around 45 minutes, without the hidden surprises (there's only six so don't waste too much time looking for them!)
I hope you enjoy playing it as much as I enjoyed making it.
Hello, I'd very much appreciate you trying my mission if you have the time:
Mission Name: Futility
Author: @elzombie
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HDZVFBBD2
Estimated Mission Length: Took me around 45 minutes, without the hidden surprises (there's only six so don't waste too much time looking for them!)
I hope you enjoy playing it as much as I enjoyed making it.
Hi elzombie,
Welcome to the queue. Your mission is currently 14th in the queue behind Logitech007. I hope to get back into the queue this weekend and will get to your mission as soon as I can.
Sequal to Of Terror and Darkness. It's currently still in production, but by the time it gets its turn to be reviewed it'll be done, with bugs hammered out.
Hi voporak,
Welcome back to the queue. This mission is 15th in the queue behind elzombie. I hope to make some progress on the queue this coming weekend and will get to your mission as soon as I can.
The third act of my mission series: No Prize for Second Contact is finished and I'd love another of your spectacular reviews:
Title: No Prize for Second Contact III
ID: st-hnnh00vxu
Author: Contactpsi
Allegiance: Federation
31+
45 minutes - 1 Hour
Federation Mission - No Prize for Second Contact III
Author: Contactpsi
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HNNH00VXU
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission in the series and thoroughly enjoyable throughout. The map designs are really good, the battles are tough but fun and the story dialogue is excellent. I was riveted by the stories and thoroughly enjoyed being able to choose different options within the dialogue. I would highly recommend this mission and the series to all players who like the combination of good maps, some fun battles, and excellent story dialogue.
Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is well written and to the point. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Chapter I, Bridge: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Major Torval dialogue; consider changing "Starfleet would send no diplomats or vessels to treat with the Heservat" to read "Starfleet would send no diplomats or vessels to meet with the Heservat".
Chapter II, Mess Hall: This is a great map design with good player decision mapping and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing Crewman Barnes dialogue to optional triggered dialogue. Since the NPC is standing in the player's path triggered dialogue would work well. It would then disappear after the player interacts with it.
Chapter III, Sickbay: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Chapter III, Transporter Room: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. . I noted one item to consider changing:
-The map name is "Chapter III, Transporter Room" and the previous map is named Chapter III, Sickbay". Consider changing the current map to read "Chapter IV, Transporter Room".
Chapter IV, Future's Council: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Since the previous map is incorrectly named consider changing this map name to read "Chapter V, Future's Council".
-The Council Engineer dialogue; consider changing "even if I were promitted to tell him" to read "even if I were permitted to tell him".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and the entire series so far. I look forward to playing/reviewing the next installment in the series. I would like to suggest that you combine all your individual mission postings into a single posting. This would give you a chance to advertise all of them even if you only update one.
Brian
Hello Evil,
I'd love for you to review my new mission.
The Bajoran
Faction: Federation (Designed primarily for Fed captains)
Mission ID: ST-HNWVU9YX3
Author: djf021
Level: 31+
Play time: Approximately 1 hour-1 hour and 15 minutes
Description:
You are called upon to deliver an accused killer to Cardassia Prime to face his charges. However, what should be a simple trip quickly turns troublesome...and not everything is as it seems!
Summary: This is a great mission with good map designs, several fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players who enjoy a good balance of those elements. In short the mission was enjoyable from start to finish.
As I mentioned on a few of your maps the use of NPC optional dialogue vice triggered dialogue should be changed. The use of the triggered optional dialogue vice NPC optional dialogue allows you to create side story dialogue, which may add to the story but is not required to complete a map. I typically use the 10FT invisible object for triggered dialogue and tasks. Some objects and tasks need a little adjustment in when they become visible or disappear. For optional dialogue a couple of things to consider are the dialogue should only remain visible if the player may need to refer back to it. Otherwise it should be removed. Optional dialogue that remains after it is of no use to the story detracts from the story. That is one of the reasons I push the triggered optional dialogue and discourage the NPC optional dialogue. In the end it is up to you how to handle the dialogue.
The final item is the use of map space. I enjoyed your use of map space for the "On the way to Cardassia" and "On the way to Cardassia once more" maps. I have seen a lot more mission where the author is using these effects to help tell the story. On both of these maps you use the "Weather Starstreaks North South" effect with the entire map oriented to the north and south. I have found that effect does not work well unless the player is at "Full Impulse". That is why I usually recommend the "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect with the map oriented east to west. The effect works well at any speed as the streaks flow from west to east regardless of the players speed. Otherwise the battles on those maps worked well and can easily be reoriented to the east to west.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: The description is good but consider adding a few more details about the story. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is good grant dialogue but you may want to add a little more story to draw the player in. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location to the initial mission task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Conference Room: This is a good map with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
On the way to Cardassia: This is a good map design with balanced battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Weather Starstreaks North South" seems to be bugged with the streaks going both directions at regular impulse. Consider changing your map orientation to a westerly orientation and using "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect. It looks more like warp space then the other.
Captain's ready room: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider making optional dialogue triggered so it disappears after the player interacts with it.
On the way to Cardassia once more: This is a good map design with balanced battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Weather Starstreaks North South" seems to be bugged with the streaks going both directions at regular impulse. Consider changing your map orientation to a westerly orientation and using "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect. It looks more like warp space then the other.
Guest quarters deck: This is a good map design with balanced battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider making optional dialogue triggered so it disappears after the player interacts with it.
-Consider changing the map transfer button from "Continue" to read "Enter the meld".
Mind meld!: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the map transfer button from "Continue" to read "Leave the meld".
Guest quarters deck#2: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Asteroid field: This is a good map design with balanced battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Asteroid Facility: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding a block that prevents the enemy mobs from being engaged until the last dialogue is complete.
-Consider changing the map transfer button from "Continue" to read "Energize".
Asteroid field#2: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "One the other hand" to read "On the other hand".
-The Captain Hernandez dialogue; consider changing "We were sent to excort you to Cardassia" to read "We were sent to escort you to Cardassia".
-Consider setting up Captain Hernandez dialogue to change based on the players choice to detonate the charges or not. I did not but Hernandez asked about an explosion.
Captain's ready room#2: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue and is a good wrap up to the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This is my "first" official Foundry mission. I have made 3, one that's WIP, and one I deleted entirely because of quality. This mission is a testbed for techniques in use for my second foundry mission, The Gauntlet Awaits. This was my first attempt at writing dialogue for characters and the warp sequence, and I thought it was good overall. It has combat, mild combat however until the finale. It's not too tough, I mostly focused on the mechanics of the mission more than story or combat, but later on revised the story and dialogs to make it flow nicely.
"[Rom] Valley of the Shadow II" (aka "The Shadow of Death")
Mission ID: ST-HLAM39YR6
Author: @NCC-89471
Faction: Federation-allied Romulan
Level restriction: 31+
Duration: 60 minutes (estimated minimum)
Combat: Ground and Space
Summary: Having found evidence of a devastating new Tal Shiar terror weapon, can you uncover the truth behind it before entire worlds - and even New Romulus itself - fall into its shadow?
Where to post review: In this thread, and this one.
Mission notes:
This series is a prequel to my Fed series Ghosts of War. (It is not necessary to play that series first, but Part II's plot does foreshadow it in certain places.)
This series takes place between Cryptic series "Vengeance" and "Freedom" in the Romulan Republic story arc.
Story-driven with heavy dialogue.
Designed to be played using a ship with a cloaking device. (Note: Player ship will sometimes decloak on dialogs and certain objectives, but not close enough for enemies to notice.)
Maps 6-8 made with substitute maps; will be rebuilt once their intended locales (New Romulus space and Command Center) become available to Foundry authors.
This is my "first" official Foundry mission. I have made 3, one that's WIP, and one I deleted entirely because of quality. This mission is a testbed for techniques in use for my second foundry mission, The Gauntlet Awaits. This was my first attempt at writing dialogue for characters and the warp sequence, and I thought it was good overall. It has combat, mild combat however until the finale. It's not too tough, I mostly focused on the mechanics of the mission more than story or combat, but later on revised the story and dialogs to make it flow nicely.
Hi nak3dsnake,
Welcome to the queue. Your mission is 11th in the queue behind voporak. I am happy to review all missions submitted and continuing the reviews as life permits. I will get to your mission just as soon as I can.
"[Rom] Valley of the Shadow II" (aka "The Shadow of Death")
Mission ID: ST-HLAM39YR6
Author: @NCC-89471
Faction: Federation-allied Romulan
Level restriction: 31+
Duration: 60 minutes (estimated minimum)
Combat: Ground and Space
Summary: Having found evidence of a devastating new Tal Shiar terror weapon, can you uncover the truth behind it before entire worlds - and even New Romulus itself - fall into its shadow?
Where to post review: In this thread, and this one.
Mission notes:
This series is a prequel to my Fed series Ghosts of War. (It is not necessary to play that series first, but Part II's plot does foreshadow it in certain places.)
This series takes place between Cryptic series "Vengeance" and "Freedom" in the Romulan Republic story arc.
Story-driven with heavy dialogue.
Designed to be played using a ship with a cloaking device. (Note: Player ship will sometimes decloak on dialogs and certain objectives, but not close enough for enemies to notice.)
Maps 6-8 made with substitute maps; will be rebuilt once their intended locales (New Romulus space and Command Center) become available to Foundry authors.
Hi paxfederatica,
Welcome back to the queue. Your mission is currently 12th in the queue behind nak3dsnake. I look forward to reviewing your mission just as soon as I can.
Heya Evil70th, been a while since I had a new mission to put up for your excellent reviews, and now I have just released two new ones in the same week! Obviously Purity VI is getting all the press, but the one I'd like to submit for your queue is:
Name: Cold Winds
Faction: Federation
Level: 35+
Begins: in sector space at the Vulcan System
Summary: This is a good mission with fun battles including some tough ones and well written story dialogue. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players who like story oriented missions with some fun battles and a few tough ones here and there.
There are a few maps where I recommend adding more story dialogue to flesh the story out a bit more. The "Axion Interior" map is one in particular where I feel you could add a few tasks and more dialogue to grow the story more. It felt a little rushed and I feel adding more tasks and dialogue would make the player feel more a part of the story. On the first "The Great Barrier" map I mention the Melanie Hernandez revelation and how it felt odd. This is a chance to make the player more a part of the story by having them discover her secret rather than having her reveal it. You could even link it back to the first "Axion" map with a side conversation between the player and the BOFF's. The goal is to make the player feel more a part of the story rather than just reading it.
Realizing that I have mentioned many times before the response button "Continue" is the default response when a button is left blank for dialogue. I usually call this out regarding the player response to a BOFF or other NPC report or dialogue. In those cases it seems as if the Captain should acknowledge the report or dialogue in some way. I call it out in general because it seems to be over used in many missions I have evaluated. I feel its use, in many cases, does not allow the player to feel as though they are a part of the story like I mention in the previous paragraph. There are times when it may be appropriate for the player not to respond and in those circumstances I recommend you use a "..." rather than "Continue". As I have always said this is a personal preference and does not necessarily detract from the story dialogue overall.
The final item is the use of "Weather Starstreaks North South" effect with the entire map oriented to the north and south. I find that the effect does not work well unless the player is at "Full Impulse". That is why I recommend configuring the map to a east to west orientation and the use of the "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect. I noted on the second "Axion" map that you used a west to east orientation and a "Weather Starstreaks West East" effect which also appeared to be broken. If this is the "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect you used then you need to reorient the map so you are heading west away from the planet. The effect works well at any speed as the streaks flow from west to east regardless of the players speed. Otherwise I found the maps to be well done.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a pretty good description but you need to add a little more to it. The goal is to draw the player in and make them want to click the 'Hail' button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant and follow on dialogue are well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "...".
Mission Task: This is a good use of the initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Axion: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing your map orientation to a westerly orientation and using "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect. It looks more like warp space then the other regardless of the players speed.
-The use of the response button "Continue". I noticed it quite extensively throughout the mission. From this point forward I will note the maps and cover it in the summary above.
-There are five buttons labeled "Interact" above the "Warp to the Axion System" button. I clicked each one and saw no actual interaction other than the standard animation. There seemed to be no change or dialogue triggered by these buttons. Consider removing the extra "Interact" buttons.
Axion Colony: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing the "Enter the east building" from the entire to building to a single door entrance on the building facing the colony center.
Axion Interior: This is a nice map design with some fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider adding a couple of tasks in the comm center. Add a check of the colony logs. Perhaps some log indicating the change in mood of some of the colonists or something along those lines. Perhaps some indications that leads to the barricading of the comm center or something along those lines. It just feels pointless otherwise.
-Check the map transfer dialogue character. It seems that you chose a ship BOFF rather than an away team BOFF.
Axion Colony: This is a good map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" on the initial dialogue. Consider changing it to read "Move out" or something along those lines.
Ship Interior: This is a good map design and the Jeffries tubes are outstanding. The single battle is fun and the story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The explosion in the corridor, consider adding smoke and fire that remains after the explosion.
-The bridge report "passing 50,000 feet" should come right after the crazed crew attacks or while the player is exiting the Jeffries tubes.
-The Mercedes dialogue; consider changing "100 years ago it had" to read "One hundred years ago it had".
Axion: This is a nice map design with good story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing your map orientation to a westerly orientation and using "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect.
The Great Barrier: This is a good map with a tough but fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The Melanie Hernandez revelation feels odd. Without providing a spoiler here, consider reworking this dialogue and make it something that the player discovers and confronts her about.
Barrier Generation Planet: This is a good map design with fun battles and very well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing the response button directly from the movie to read "If you are a god what do you need with a starship?" It would make more sense based on the beings statement about being a god.
The Great Barrier: This is a nice map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. However, the enemy mobs seem to be a bit much for the story and the ending itself feels a little rushed. This is a chance to wrap up the mission with more thoughtful dialogue regarding the future of the barrier and the entity imprisoned at the center of the galaxy. Essentially the player just saved the galaxy again. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission and the story overall. I really enjoyed it and look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Mission - Honor of Ferasa
Author: sirboulevard
Allegiance: klingon
Level: 35+
Language: English
Project ID: ST-HRTWMNNYU
Estimated Mission Length: 45 Minutes to 1 Hour
Looking forward to your review! This mission is a piercing look into Ferasan Culture as well as some humorous enemies and interesting developments. This is a mission that doesn't take itself too seriously while getting across a look at a more enigmatic member of the Klingon Empire.
Hey,
just wanted to let you know that "A Personal Favour" has an updated (better) description queued up. I've appended it below for you, but I'm not going to publish the update to the mission until after your review, so I can include any changes based on your recommendations.
Admiral Shalin needs you to do something for her.
Combat and story, not too long.
-- Note --
This mission is a prelude to "Lonesome Heart", to be released Soon(tm).
I am NikkoJT, Foundry author and terrible player. Follow me!
There used to be a picture here, but they changed signatures and I can't be bothered to replace it.
Mission - Honor of Ferasa
Author: sirboulevard
Allegiance: klingon
Level: 35+
Language: English
Project ID: ST-HRTWMNNYU
Estimated Mission Length: 45 Minutes to 1 Hour
Looking forward to your review! This mission is a piercing look into Ferasan Culture as well as some humorous enemies and interesting developments. This is a mission that doesn't take itself too seriously while getting across a look at a more enigmatic member of the Klingon Empire.
Hi sirboulevard,
Welcome to my review queue. Your mission is currently 12th in the queue behind NCC-89471. I am making progress on the queue as best I can and will get to your mission as soon as I can.
Thanks as always Evil70th. Your reviews are brilliant and I thank you for providing this service to the community.
It is my pleasure as always and I can only hope that my reviews help the author of the mission and those creating missions make them better. The missions created by authors are important to the community and enrich the playing experience of everyone.
On a side note, I'm not sure if I've ever asked you before, but we'd love to have you on the Foundry Roundtable sometime if you're interested
I have been on a podcast or two before but I do think I have been on the Foundry Roundtable before. Either way I would be happy to be a guest on the Roundtable sometime. Weekends generally work best for me for interviews. Just let me know what works for you and I will see what I can do.
Thanks again for authoring and for the compliment.
Brian
Hey,
just wanted to let you know that "A Personal Favour" has an updated (better) description queued up. I've appended it below for you, but I'm not going to publish the update to the mission until after your review, so I can include any changes based on your recommendations.
Hi nikkojt,
Thanks for the heads up. If the update is ready you may want to publish it now since your mission is currently 5th in the queue. I have not yet hailed for the mission as of yet. It's up to you. I will get to your mission just as soon as I can.
Hi there,
I'd appreciate if you could put my first mission in your review queue.
Mission Name: Nausicaans in the Valley of Wind
Author: djscman
Minimum Level: no minimum, probably best around levels 10-40
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-(ID Number) ST-HRII7YPJ4
Estimated Mission Length: (Time to complete): no more than an hour. To read all dialogue paths you would need to play multiple times.
Thanks for volunteering your time and your hard work!
Federation Mission - Nausicaans in the Valley of Wind
Author: djscman
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HRII7YPJ4
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with nice map designs, some fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I would defiantly recommend this mission to all players who like a story oriented mission with a few battles thrown in here and there for good measure. You will enjoy this mission.
Below I mentioned the use of triggered optional dialogue vice NPC triggered optional dialogue. The NPC triggered optional dialogue remains regardless of the player interaction or tasks being completed. This can detract from the mission. The use of triggered optional dialogue allows the author to remove it once the player has interacted with it. The author sets up triggers to make the dialogue invisible after certain tasks within the map of at the end of the interaction. Your map designs already drew the player to a location where the optional dialogue would be available for viewing by the player. From there you can easily set up the triggered optional dialogue to operate as I mentioned above.
One last thing is the skip dialogue option you give to the player in the mission. While the insertion of this feature is a good way to allow the players who do not like long dialogue to skip over it and continue it needs to be more obvious. In my missions I place a "Skip Dialogue and provide a summary" button at the top and throughout a long dialogue string. The summary gives the player what they need to continue and allows them to move on without having to read all the dialogue. Ultimately it does not harm those who enjoy a good story oriented mission with little or no combat, and it limits the negative feedback from those who do not like those types of missions.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description but needs a little more of the story to draw the player in and make them want to click the 'Hail' button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the Features and Time Investment to [OOC] dialogue. Also consider changing the Start location information to [MissionInfo] dialogue. This will make them stand out from the mission description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good straight forward grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this grant dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location of the first custom map to the initial mission task. It makes it easier for player's to find where to start your mission. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Vicinity of Starbase 114, Celes: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding a short exchange with the nearby Starbase regarding the ships intentions to investigate the Pakled mining colony.
Orumek II: This is a nice map design with a fun battle and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider moving the initial spawn point closer to the first map objective. It is annoying for the player to be required to fly half way across the map for that first objective only to be directed with no real dialogue to the next objective.
-Consider changing the skip dialogue function to be a little clearer to the player.
The Valley Of Wind: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider using triggered optional dialogue vice NPC interact optional dialogue. I will note it on other maps and cove it the summary.
-Consider changing the "Search for Survivors" tasks trigger off an invisible object placed just outside the buildings vice the building themselves. This will bring the player to the building but not have them right next to the building.
-Consider changing the "Enter the Mines" task by placing a door or other object at the front of the building to indicate the entry point.
Orumek Mines: This is a good map design with a fun battle and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the skip dialogue function to be a little clearer to the player.
-Consider using triggered optional dialogue vice NPC interact optional dialogue.
-In the second chamber there are clearly artifacts exposed in the rock face. Consider adding some dialogue from the away team addressing the artifacts. It does not have to be detailed but it felt strange just moving past it without comment.
-Consider changing Runner Prink animation in the last chamber to face down dead. I realize the Foundry does not have a position for the dead body on its back, but it was distracting referring to him as dead while he was still moving.
-The enemy mob that accompanied Dankle is all the way back in the second chamber. Consider placing them in the corridor near the last chamber so they come in behind the player. As they are currently set they end up in all the way back in the second chamber and the player must engage them before continuing.
Orumek II Return to Standard Orbit: This is a good map design with a couple of fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider removing the animation of the enemy ships warping in. Unless the player is right on top of them they continue to warp in as the player approaches and it looks odd.
Inside The Belly Of The Beast: This is a good map design with a few fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-In the "VIA COMMUNICATOR" dialogue one of the NPCs appears to be the tactical BOFF that is on the away team. Verify that you have selected a Ship Tactical BOFF for that dialogue. If you have then it is just the mechanics of the Foundry, otherwise you need to fix it.
Return to Starbase 114, Celes: This is a nice map design and serves as a good wrap up to the mission. I have to admit to being surprised by the sudden transfer to this map without a transition map watching the destruction of the robot and subsequent rescue of the Pakled. That does not mean you should create another map it was merely an observation based on my experience. The fact that chose to wrap up the mission with dialogue on this map is also a viable means of ending the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the skip dialogue function to be a little clearer to the player.
-In keeping with my recommendation on the first map regarding adding a short dialogue with the Starbase regarding the Pakled?s consider adding a follow up dialogue. The ship approaches the Starbase to drop off the Pakled and then instantly ends the mission. It felt odd.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and story. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Hi Evil. I just finished the finale for Part 2 of Perfection and I was hoping you could give it a test run.
This is a Federation level 41+ mission.
With the fall of Earth, the unthinkable has happened. The Borg, now powered by the Omega Molecule, have launched their final campaign to rid the galaxy of every species. With the Federation in shambles and every civilization under threat of extinction, there is only one hope. Can the the Federation and its allies and enemies come together to save their homes? Or will this spell the end for our existence as we know it?
You have been summoned to the Kalferi system, where a task force is the last stand against this impending genocide
This is the finale to the Perfection series started in part 1. This mission is intended for solo play. Bring a remodulator as this is a Borg mission. Please pay attention to the green mission text whenever you see it. Please report any issues or suggestions to @ashkrik23 by mail, reviews, or on the forum in the foundry section.
Summary: This mission, like the first in the series, is a combat oriented mission with a story. Having said that, I think the story is quite well written and serves to move the player forward from combat to combat. I saw some feedback on the mission description page that places the mission at 45 minutes. Perhaps it is 45 minutes if you skip over the dialogue but with the dialogue it is at least an hour and half minimum. For the combat oriented player you may want to insert a "skip dialogue" feature that provides a summary of what the player needs to know to continue. I would definitely recommend this mission as well as part 1 of the series to all players who like a combat oriented mission with good story dialogue; however I would not recommend it on Elite as it was challenging enough on Normal.
My apologies for the failure of my screen capture late in the mission but I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on any of the maps. The story was very well written and blended together with the combat very nicely.
Below are just a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good albeit short grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: The U.S.S. Simba: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-At the briefing all NPCs refer to the player as [Rank] and [FirstName]. Consider changing that to [Rank] and [LastName].
Kalferi: This is a good map design with several very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Cait System: This is a good map design with several very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Cait: This is a good map design with several very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider removing the [MissionInfo] dialogue telling the player to look for the cameo of another villain in the series. If it is not pertinent to the mission or an objective it only serves to detract from the mission.
NOTE: At this point in the mission review my screen capture software must have failed. It stops after the Cait map. I do not have the names for each map after this one but I did review the dialogue, map features and combat on each follow on map. I will complete the review by approximating the names for each map. If I missed any maps I apologize in advance.
Cait Molecule Facility map: This is a good map design with several very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Cait Orbit Rendezvous map: This is a good map design with several very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
U.S.S. Simba Bridge map: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue and is an excellent wrap up to the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-It felt odd that the player would "tattle" on the Klingon General about wanting to kill the other Admiral. The dialogue seemed unnecessary to the mission and you should consider removing it.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and the series. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
EDIT: Nevermind, just discovered an error that didn't appear in the playthrough when I was in the editor. Maybe you can add mine to your list later and I can get some feedback when it's actually working.
Hey, evil70th, I just starting my venture into creating Foundry missions and am looking for feedback. You mind adding mine to your queue?
Mission Name: Foothold
Author: wildkazoo
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HN6PZ5EJS
Estimated Mission Length: 30 mins or less
EDIT: Nevermind, just discovered an error that didn't appear in the playthrough when I was in the editor. Maybe you can add mine to your list later and I can get some feedback when it's actually working.
Hey, evil70th, I just starting my venture into creating Foundry missions and am looking for feedback. You mind adding mine to your queue?
Mission Name: Foothold
Author: wildkazoo
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HN6PZ5EJS
Estimated Mission Length: 30 mins or less
Hi wildkazoo,
Welcome to the queue. No worries about the error you found as your mission is 12th in the queue behind sirboulevard. I will get to it as soon as I can but at 12th in the queue it will be a little bit. If you do need to pull it just let me know but I think you should leave it in the queue for now.
Name: Of Terror and Darkness
Faction: Fed
Author: @voporak
ID: ST-HS98ZW5VI
This is a sequel to Of Morals and Ethics. Thanks.
Federation Mission - Of Terror and Darkness
Author: voporak
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HS98ZW5VI
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with nice map designs, challenging but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I would definitely recommend this mission to all players who like a good story combined with nice maps and challenging but fun battles.
Below I mentioned multiple searches or scans as a single objective with no dialogue. Almost every author has done something like this, including me at one time, so do not think this is only referring to your mission I am talking about. The problem with multiple searches and no dialogue in between is they can become boring and predictable. In a story oriented mission this can become monotonous. The solution is to add dialogue in between each search, scan or interaction. Even if it as simple as telling the player that nothing was found that is better than nothing at all. This can be accomplished with popup dialogue that triggers following a search, scan or interaction. The other method is to break up those interactions with dialogue in between.
Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location of your first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Admiral Kormek's Office on ESD: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Deep Space Nine: This is a nice map with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The map feels a little too far spread out. Consider moving the objectives closer together.
-The problem with multiple scans as one objective is no dialogue in between each one. I will note the maps this occurs on and cover it in my summary.
Trivas system: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Empok Nor: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Treasure Trading Station: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Multiple searches as one objective.
Cait: This is a nice map with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider repositioning the objectives on this map. Having the player run all the way across a map for the initial interaction is mildly annoying. If you are going to leave it then consider adding triggered dialogue as the player moves across the map.
-Multiple searches as one objective.
Memory Alpha System: This is a good map design with a fun group battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Memory Alpha: This is a nice map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
U.S.S. Black Phantom, Bridge: This is a nice map design with a very tough battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Memory Alpha Space: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-If the player tries to fly directly through the anomaly as directed by the dialogue there appears to be an invisible wall blocking. The player ends up having to turn to find a way around the wall.
Return to Admiral Kormek's Office: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue that nicely wraps up the story. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with this mission and the series. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Title: A Taste of Collateral Damage
Author: BorrowedTune
ID: ST-HPMDJ5JQR
Allegiance: Starfleet
Federation Mission - A Taste of Collateral Damage
Author: BorrowedTune
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPMDJ5JQR
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission with outstanding map designs, tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. Your use of the interior maps combined with exterior maps demonstrates a mastery of map designs within the Foundry and is some of the best I have seen. I would highly recommend this mission to all players. I was riveted by the story and map designs from the start.
On two of the maps were you combined exterior maps and built interior features is outstanding. As I mention below there were several issues with those maps involving the BOFF pathing. The issue is, most likely, the results of standard pathing for those particular maps versus the interior designs you created. Essentially as the BOFFs attempt to follow the player they get stuck if the player turns and cuts a corner. The BOFF does not know how to handle the presence of the object. Is this your fault? Absolutely not but you do need to be aware of this issue, especially when the player is engaged with enemy mobs and half their BOFFs are stuck down the hall away from the fight.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant and follow on dialogue are well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The follow on dialogue use of the response button "Continue". Consider changing this to be an acknowledgement of the orders just given and accepted by the player.
Mission Task: This is a good use of the initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. . I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: ABRAXAS SYSTEM: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
STATION AZURE 9: This is a great map that demonstrates a mastery of the design concept within the Foundry. The battles were tough but fun and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Two of the MKII Drones in the lab are lying on the floor under the bed. Consider checking them to ensure that all are correctly positioned.
-This may be more a product of the Foundry than anything you can do but in the underground facility of the map the BOFFs kept getting stuck in walls and on corners. This is most likely a pathing issue based on the transition to this portion of the map you used. Because of that I doubt you can resolve this issue but it may be worth reporting to Cryptic.
-The use of the response button "Continue". As always I feel something else can be put here to better represent the player's response.
ABRAXAS III: This is a great map that once again demonstrates your skills with Foundry map design. The battles are tough but not impossible, and the dialogue is excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The dialogue with First; consider changing it to cascading dialogue that takes the player through each question and allowing them to exit on each as well.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The cave is very well designed and executed but again there is a problem with the BOFF pathing. This is most likely out of your control as with the other mentioned above you should be aware of it.
ABRAXAS SYSTEM #2: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
STATION AZURE 9 #2: This is a great map design with good puzzles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
FACILITY ONE: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a fantastic job creating this mission from start to finish. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Hi Evil, I wanted to submit the first 2 parts of my new series. This takes place after Perfection. All the info.
Scars of the Pride
Part 1:Vacation So Short
Synopsis,
It has been 7 months since the Borg's defeat at Cait. The galaxy has gradually recovered and rebuilt ever since then. You have played a fundamental role in bringing many civilizations back to a normal lifestyle. Now you have been given an extended vacation for both you and your crew to the planet of Bajor for a well-earned rest. Your time on leave will be cut short as a mysterious attack upon the city of Hathon will spark the flame of a new conflict. This new evil is malicious and old scars left upon some of your closest friends will burn once more. You will learn that there is more to the history of them than meets the eyes.
This is a story dialogue mission with some ground combat. Takes place after the Perfection Series. Recommend you play that first if you haven't already. This mission also assumes you saved M'Sarabi in Perfection, which is considered the canon ending.
Scars of the Pride Pt 2:The Claw
Synopsis: It has been three days since the attack on Bajor. You and your crew have completed your leave time while waiting for Admiral Taka to contact you with the results of M'Kiara's study of the toxin Captain T'Vitani used on herself. A new breakthrough with the Borg medical technology could serve as something to adapt against this toxin. Someone else has their eyes on this device though, and for the wrong reasons...The toxin's true effects are about to be witnessed, Not even the U.S.S. Simba will be safe from this threat. Report to the Lateri System in the Beta Ursae sector block.
-The follow on dialogue use of the response button "Continue". Consider changing this to be an acknowledgement of the orders just given and accepted by the player.
Hehe... I know this is your pet peeve and expected this comment. The "continue" button is only used a few times throughout the mission and always means "I'm listening... go to the next prompt." To be honest, I haven't found any other option to my liking that works any better. In my opinion, the occasional default "continue" is acceptable.
-Two of the MKII Drones in the lab are lying on the floor under the bed. Consider checking them to ensure that all are correctly positioned.
To my everlasting shame, sometimes those drones just refuse to behave. Usually, they all lay nice and comfy in their beds. Sometimes they do not. It's a bug I've seen in Cryptic missions as well. I'm not quite sure why it happens. It might have something to do with transitioning and the order in which objects appear once triggered or it's just another side effect of the issue below. It also could have something to do with NPC costume size considering others in the mission seem to enjoy nap time without protest.
-This may be more a product of the Foundry than anything you can do but in the underground facility of the map the BOFFs kept getting stuck in walls and on corners. This is most likely a pathing issue based on the transition to this portion of the map you used. Because of that I doubt you can resolve this issue but it may be worth reporting to Cryptic.
You're exactly right. It has to do with pathing failing to account for transitioned objects. You should have seen early versions of that map with boffs falling into the floor. A total nightmare. I do, however, have some ideas and think I can solve most of those corners in an upcoming update. Failing that, I may tone down the fights or even add helpers if needed. Those fights aren't really meant to be a challenge but more of a plot device.
-The dialogue with First; consider changing it to cascading dialogue that takes the player through each question and allowing them to exit on each as well.
Great minds think alike. This has already been adjusted and will be updated as you recommended upon next publish. The original thought was that the dialogue is more multi-player friendly in its current state. Triggered buttons can sometimes make for odd multi-player interactions. However, there's just too many "questions" to scroll through when it first appears and that is more detracting overall.
-The cave is very well designed and executed but again there is a problem with the BOFF pathing. This is most likely out of your control as with the other mentioned above you should be aware of it.
I assume this means you found the optional on that map with the steps. :cool: I have a dialogue pop-up there to warn the player to keep their boffs stationed below but it's pretty lame. This was a somewhat recent addition to the mission and I might have some ideas on how to polish that stairway. We'll see how it goes.
Hi Evil, I wanted to submit the first 2 parts of my new series. This takes place after Perfection. All the info.
Scars of the Pride
Part 1:Vacation So Short
Synopsis,
It has been 7 months since the Borg's defeat at Cait. The galaxy has gradually recovered and rebuilt ever since then. You have played a fundamental role in bringing many civilizations back to a normal lifestyle. Now you have been given an extended vacation for both you and your crew to the planet of Bajor for a well-earned rest. Your time on leave will be cut short as a mysterious attack upon the city of Hathon will spark the flame of a new conflict. This new evil is malicious and old scars left upon some of your closest friends will burn once more. You will learn that there is more to the history of them than meets the eyes.
This is a story dialogue mission with some ground combat. Takes place after the Perfection Series. Recommend you play that first if you haven't already. This mission also assumes you saved M'Sarabi in Perfection, which is considered the canon ending.
Scars of the Pride Pt 2:The Claw
Synopsis: It has been three days since the attack on Bajor. You and your crew have completed your leave time while waiting for Admiral Taka to contact you with the results of M'Kiara's study of the toxin Captain T'Vitani used on herself. A new breakthrough with the Borg medical technology could serve as something to adapt against this toxin. Someone else has their eyes on this device though, and for the wrong reasons...The toxin's true effects are about to be witnessed, Not even the U.S.S. Simba will be safe from this threat. Report to the Lateri System in the Beta Ursae sector block.
Hi ashkrik23,
Thanks for the request for review of your series part one and two. Your missions are 11th and 12th in the queue behind wildkazoo. I look forward to reviewing your mission series as soon as I can.
Hehe... I know this is your pet peeve and expected this comment. The "continue" button is only used a few times throughout the mission and always means "I'm listening... go to the next prompt." To be honest, I haven't found any other option to my liking that works any better. In my opinion, the occasional default "continue" is acceptable.
To my everlasting shame, sometimes those drones just refuse to behave. Usually, they all lay nice and comfy in their beds. Sometimes they do not. It's a bug I've seen in Cryptic missions as well. I'm not quite sure why it happens. It might have something to do with transitioning and the order in which objects appear once triggered or it's just another side effect of the issue below. It also could have something to do with NPC costume size considering others in the mission seem to enjoy nap time without protest.
You're exactly right. It has to do with pathing failing to account for transitioned objects. You should have seen early versions of that map with boffs falling into the floor. A total nightmare. I do, however, have some ideas and think I can solve most of those corners in an upcoming update. Failing that, I may tone down the fights or even add helpers if needed. Those fights aren't really meant to be a challenge but more of a plot device.
Great minds think alike. This has already been adjusted and will be updated as you recommended upon next publish. The original thought was that the dialogue is more multi-player friendly in its current state. Triggered buttons can sometimes make for odd multi-player interactions. However, there's just too many "questions" to scroll through when it first appears and that is more detracting overall.
I assume this means you found the optional on that map with the steps. :cool: I have a dialogue pop-up there to warn the player to keep their boffs stationed below but it's pretty lame. This was a somewhat recent addition to the mission and I might have some ideas on how to polish that stairway. We'll see how it goes.
Thanks again for the playthrough and review.
Hi borrowedtune,
I really appreciate the feedback and as always I am happy to help. You demonstrated a mastery of the Foundry that made your mission thoroughly enjoyable.
Comments
I recommend this one personally.
Hi elzombie,
Welcome to the queue. Your mission is currently 14th in the queue behind Logitech007. I hope to get back into the queue this weekend and will get to your mission as soon as I can.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Hi voporak,
Welcome back to the queue. This mission is 15th in the queue behind elzombie. I hope to make some progress on the queue this coming weekend and will get to your mission as soon as I can.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Thanks for the endorsement of elzombie's mission. It is appreciated.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - No Prize for Second Contact III
Author: Contactpsi
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HNNH00VXU
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission in the series and thoroughly enjoyable throughout. The map designs are really good, the battles are tough but fun and the story dialogue is excellent. I was riveted by the stories and thoroughly enjoyed being able to choose different options within the dialogue. I would highly recommend this mission and the series to all players who like the combination of good maps, some fun battles, and excellent story dialogue.
Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is well written and to the point. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Chapter I, Bridge: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Major Torval dialogue; consider changing "Starfleet would send no diplomats or vessels to treat with the Heservat" to read "Starfleet would send no diplomats or vessels to meet with the Heservat".
Chapter II, Mess Hall: This is a great map design with good player decision mapping and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing Crewman Barnes dialogue to optional triggered dialogue. Since the NPC is standing in the player's path triggered dialogue would work well. It would then disappear after the player interacts with it.
Chapter III, Sickbay: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Chapter III, Transporter Room: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. . I noted one item to consider changing:
-The map name is "Chapter III, Transporter Room" and the previous map is named Chapter III, Sickbay". Consider changing the current map to read "Chapter IV, Transporter Room".
Chapter IV, Future's Council: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Since the previous map is incorrectly named consider changing this map name to read "Chapter V, Future's Council".
-The Council Engineer dialogue; consider changing "even if I were promitted to tell him" to read "even if I were permitted to tell him".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and the entire series so far. I look forward to playing/reviewing the next installment in the series. I would like to suggest that you combine all your individual mission postings into a single posting. This would give you a chance to advertise all of them even if you only update one.
Brian
This critique report also filed 01/18/2014 on forum posting for: No Prize for Second Contact 3
Federation Mission - The Bajoran
Author: djf021
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HNWVU9YX3
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission with good map designs, several fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players who enjoy a good balance of those elements. In short the mission was enjoyable from start to finish.
As I mentioned on a few of your maps the use of NPC optional dialogue vice triggered dialogue should be changed. The use of the triggered optional dialogue vice NPC optional dialogue allows you to create side story dialogue, which may add to the story but is not required to complete a map. I typically use the 10FT invisible object for triggered dialogue and tasks. Some objects and tasks need a little adjustment in when they become visible or disappear. For optional dialogue a couple of things to consider are the dialogue should only remain visible if the player may need to refer back to it. Otherwise it should be removed. Optional dialogue that remains after it is of no use to the story detracts from the story. That is one of the reasons I push the triggered optional dialogue and discourage the NPC optional dialogue. In the end it is up to you how to handle the dialogue.
The final item is the use of map space. I enjoyed your use of map space for the "On the way to Cardassia" and "On the way to Cardassia once more" maps. I have seen a lot more mission where the author is using these effects to help tell the story. On both of these maps you use the "Weather Starstreaks North South" effect with the entire map oriented to the north and south. I have found that effect does not work well unless the player is at "Full Impulse". That is why I usually recommend the "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect with the map oriented east to west. The effect works well at any speed as the streaks flow from west to east regardless of the players speed. Otherwise the battles on those maps worked well and can easily be reoriented to the east to west.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: The description is good but consider adding a few more details about the story. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is good grant dialogue but you may want to add a little more story to draw the player in. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location to the initial mission task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Conference Room: This is a good map with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
On the way to Cardassia: This is a good map design with balanced battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Weather Starstreaks North South" seems to be bugged with the streaks going both directions at regular impulse. Consider changing your map orientation to a westerly orientation and using "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect. It looks more like warp space then the other.
Captain's ready room: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider making optional dialogue triggered so it disappears after the player interacts with it.
On the way to Cardassia once more: This is a good map design with balanced battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Weather Starstreaks North South" seems to be bugged with the streaks going both directions at regular impulse. Consider changing your map orientation to a westerly orientation and using "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect. It looks more like warp space then the other.
Guest quarters deck: This is a good map design with balanced battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider making optional dialogue triggered so it disappears after the player interacts with it.
-Consider changing the map transfer button from "Continue" to read "Enter the meld".
Mind meld!: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the map transfer button from "Continue" to read "Leave the meld".
Guest quarters deck#2: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Asteroid field: This is a good map design with balanced battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Asteroid Facility: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding a block that prevents the enemy mobs from being engaged until the last dialogue is complete.
-Consider changing the map transfer button from "Continue" to read "Energize".
Asteroid field#2: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "One the other hand" to read "On the other hand".
-The Captain Hernandez dialogue; consider changing "We were sent to excort you to Cardassia" to read "We were sent to escort you to Cardassia".
-Consider setting up Captain Hernandez dialogue to change based on the players choice to detonate the charges or not. I did not but Hernandez asked about an explosion.
Captain's ready room#2: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue and is a good wrap up to the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 01/20/2014 on forum posting for: Now available! "The Bajoran"
Faction: Fed
Author: nak3dsnake
ID: ST-HRJS4PZ5N
This is my "first" official Foundry mission. I have made 3, one that's WIP, and one I deleted entirely because of quality. This mission is a testbed for techniques in use for my second foundry mission, The Gauntlet Awaits. This was my first attempt at writing dialogue for characters and the warp sequence, and I thought it was good overall. It has combat, mild combat however until the finale. It's not too tough, I mostly focused on the mechanics of the mission more than story or combat, but later on revised the story and dialogs to make it flow nicely.
Mission ID: ST-HLAM39YR6
Author: @NCC-89471
Faction: Federation-allied Romulan
Level restriction: 31+
Duration: 60 minutes (estimated minimum)
Combat: Ground and Space
Summary: Having found evidence of a devastating new Tal Shiar terror weapon, can you uncover the truth behind it before entire worlds - and even New Romulus itself - fall into its shadow?
Where to post review: In this thread, and this one.
Mission notes:
My Foundry missions | My STO Wiki page | My Twitter home page
Hi nak3dsnake,
Welcome to the queue. Your mission is 11th in the queue behind voporak. I am happy to review all missions submitted and continuing the reviews as life permits. I will get to your mission just as soon as I can.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Hi paxfederatica,
Welcome back to the queue. Your mission is currently 12th in the queue behind nak3dsnake. I look forward to reviewing your mission just as soon as I can.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - Cold Winds
Author: drogyn1701
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HAE7AXETG
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with fun battles including some tough ones and well written story dialogue. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players who like story oriented missions with some fun battles and a few tough ones here and there.
There are a few maps where I recommend adding more story dialogue to flesh the story out a bit more. The "Axion Interior" map is one in particular where I feel you could add a few tasks and more dialogue to grow the story more. It felt a little rushed and I feel adding more tasks and dialogue would make the player feel more a part of the story. On the first "The Great Barrier" map I mention the Melanie Hernandez revelation and how it felt odd. This is a chance to make the player more a part of the story by having them discover her secret rather than having her reveal it. You could even link it back to the first "Axion" map with a side conversation between the player and the BOFF's. The goal is to make the player feel more a part of the story rather than just reading it.
Realizing that I have mentioned many times before the response button "Continue" is the default response when a button is left blank for dialogue. I usually call this out regarding the player response to a BOFF or other NPC report or dialogue. In those cases it seems as if the Captain should acknowledge the report or dialogue in some way. I call it out in general because it seems to be over used in many missions I have evaluated. I feel its use, in many cases, does not allow the player to feel as though they are a part of the story like I mention in the previous paragraph. There are times when it may be appropriate for the player not to respond and in those circumstances I recommend you use a "..." rather than "Continue". As I have always said this is a personal preference and does not necessarily detract from the story dialogue overall.
The final item is the use of "Weather Starstreaks North South" effect with the entire map oriented to the north and south. I find that the effect does not work well unless the player is at "Full Impulse". That is why I recommend configuring the map to a east to west orientation and the use of the "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect. I noted on the second "Axion" map that you used a west to east orientation and a "Weather Starstreaks West East" effect which also appeared to be broken. If this is the "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect you used then you need to reorient the map so you are heading west away from the planet. The effect works well at any speed as the streaks flow from west to east regardless of the players speed. Otherwise I found the maps to be well done.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a pretty good description but you need to add a little more to it. The goal is to draw the player in and make them want to click the 'Hail' button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant and follow on dialogue are well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "...".
Mission Task: This is a good use of the initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Axion: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing your map orientation to a westerly orientation and using "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect. It looks more like warp space then the other regardless of the players speed.
-The use of the response button "Continue". I noticed it quite extensively throughout the mission. From this point forward I will note the maps and cover it in the summary above.
-There are five buttons labeled "Interact" above the "Warp to the Axion System" button. I clicked each one and saw no actual interaction other than the standard animation. There seemed to be no change or dialogue triggered by these buttons. Consider removing the extra "Interact" buttons.
Axion Colony: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing the "Enter the east building" from the entire to building to a single door entrance on the building facing the colony center.
Axion Interior: This is a nice map design with some fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider adding a couple of tasks in the comm center. Add a check of the colony logs. Perhaps some log indicating the change in mood of some of the colonists or something along those lines. Perhaps some indications that leads to the barricading of the comm center or something along those lines. It just feels pointless otherwise.
-Check the map transfer dialogue character. It seems that you chose a ship BOFF rather than an away team BOFF.
Axion Colony: This is a good map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" on the initial dialogue. Consider changing it to read "Move out" or something along those lines.
Ship Interior: This is a good map design and the Jeffries tubes are outstanding. The single battle is fun and the story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The explosion in the corridor, consider adding smoke and fire that remains after the explosion.
-The bridge report "passing 50,000 feet" should come right after the crazed crew attacks or while the player is exiting the Jeffries tubes.
-The Mercedes dialogue; consider changing "100 years ago it had" to read "One hundred years ago it had".
Axion: This is a nice map design with good story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing your map orientation to a westerly orientation and using "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect.
The Great Barrier: This is a good map with a tough but fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The Melanie Hernandez revelation feels odd. Without providing a spoiler here, consider reworking this dialogue and make it something that the player discovers and confronts her about.
Barrier Generation Planet: This is a good map design with fun battles and very well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing the response button directly from the movie to read "If you are a god what do you need with a starship?" It would make more sense based on the beings statement about being a god.
The Great Barrier: This is a nice map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. However, the enemy mobs seem to be a bit much for the story and the ending itself feels a little rushed. This is a chance to wrap up the mission with more thoughtful dialogue regarding the future of the barrier and the entity imprisoned at the center of the galaxy. Essentially the player just saved the galaxy again.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission and the story overall. I really enjoyed it and look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 01/22/2014 on forum posting for: New mission "Cold Winds" just in time for Halloween
Author: sirboulevard
Allegiance: klingon
Level: 35+
Language: English
Project ID: ST-HRTWMNNYU
Estimated Mission Length: 45 Minutes to 1 Hour
Looking forward to your review! This mission is a piercing look into Ferasan Culture as well as some humorous enemies and interesting developments. This is a mission that doesn't take itself too seriously while getting across a look at a more enigmatic member of the Klingon Empire.
TRIBBLE Hydra! Hail Janeway!
On a side note, I'm not sure if I've ever asked you before, but we'd love to have you on the Foundry Roundtable sometime if you're interested
just wanted to let you know that "A Personal Favour" has an updated (better) description queued up. I've appended it below for you, but I'm not going to publish the update to the mission until after your review, so I can include any changes based on your recommendations.
There used to be a picture here, but they changed signatures and I can't be bothered to replace it.
Hi sirboulevard,
Welcome to my review queue. Your mission is currently 12th in the queue behind NCC-89471. I am making progress on the queue as best I can and will get to your mission as soon as I can.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
It is my pleasure as always and I can only hope that my reviews help the author of the mission and those creating missions make them better. The missions created by authors are important to the community and enrich the playing experience of everyone.
I have been on a podcast or two before but I do think I have been on the Foundry Roundtable before. Either way I would be happy to be a guest on the Roundtable sometime. Weekends generally work best for me for interviews. Just let me know what works for you and I will see what I can do.
Thanks again for authoring and for the compliment.
Brian
Hi nikkojt,
Thanks for the heads up. If the update is ready you may want to publish it now since your mission is currently 5th in the queue. I have not yet hailed for the mission as of yet. It's up to you.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - Nausicaans in the Valley of Wind
Author: djscman
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HRII7YPJ4
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with nice map designs, some fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I would defiantly recommend this mission to all players who like a story oriented mission with a few battles thrown in here and there for good measure. You will enjoy this mission.
Below I mentioned the use of triggered optional dialogue vice NPC triggered optional dialogue. The NPC triggered optional dialogue remains regardless of the player interaction or tasks being completed. This can detract from the mission. The use of triggered optional dialogue allows the author to remove it once the player has interacted with it. The author sets up triggers to make the dialogue invisible after certain tasks within the map of at the end of the interaction. Your map designs already drew the player to a location where the optional dialogue would be available for viewing by the player. From there you can easily set up the triggered optional dialogue to operate as I mentioned above.
One last thing is the skip dialogue option you give to the player in the mission. While the insertion of this feature is a good way to allow the players who do not like long dialogue to skip over it and continue it needs to be more obvious. In my missions I place a "Skip Dialogue and provide a summary" button at the top and throughout a long dialogue string. The summary gives the player what they need to continue and allows them to move on without having to read all the dialogue. Ultimately it does not harm those who enjoy a good story oriented mission with little or no combat, and it limits the negative feedback from those who do not like those types of missions.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description but needs a little more of the story to draw the player in and make them want to click the 'Hail' button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the Features and Time Investment to [OOC] dialogue. Also consider changing the Start location information to [MissionInfo] dialogue. This will make them stand out from the mission description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good straight forward grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this grant dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location of the first custom map to the initial mission task. It makes it easier for player's to find where to start your mission. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Vicinity of Starbase 114, Celes: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding a short exchange with the nearby Starbase regarding the ships intentions to investigate the Pakled mining colony.
Orumek II: This is a nice map design with a fun battle and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider moving the initial spawn point closer to the first map objective. It is annoying for the player to be required to fly half way across the map for that first objective only to be directed with no real dialogue to the next objective.
-Consider changing the skip dialogue function to be a little clearer to the player.
The Valley Of Wind: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider using triggered optional dialogue vice NPC interact optional dialogue. I will note it on other maps and cove it the summary.
-Consider changing the "Search for Survivors" tasks trigger off an invisible object placed just outside the buildings vice the building themselves. This will bring the player to the building but not have them right next to the building.
-Consider changing the "Enter the Mines" task by placing a door or other object at the front of the building to indicate the entry point.
Orumek Mines: This is a good map design with a fun battle and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the skip dialogue function to be a little clearer to the player.
-Consider using triggered optional dialogue vice NPC interact optional dialogue.
-In the second chamber there are clearly artifacts exposed in the rock face. Consider adding some dialogue from the away team addressing the artifacts. It does not have to be detailed but it felt strange just moving past it without comment.
-Consider changing Runner Prink animation in the last chamber to face down dead. I realize the Foundry does not have a position for the dead body on its back, but it was distracting referring to him as dead while he was still moving.
-The enemy mob that accompanied Dankle is all the way back in the second chamber. Consider placing them in the corridor near the last chamber so they come in behind the player. As they are currently set they end up in all the way back in the second chamber and the player must engage them before continuing.
Orumek II Return to Standard Orbit: This is a good map design with a couple of fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider removing the animation of the enemy ships warping in. Unless the player is right on top of them they continue to warp in as the player approaches and it looks odd.
Inside The Belly Of The Beast: This is a good map design with a few fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-In the "VIA COMMUNICATOR" dialogue one of the NPCs appears to be the tactical BOFF that is on the away team. Verify that you have selected a Ship Tactical BOFF for that dialogue. If you have then it is just the mechanics of the Foundry, otherwise you need to fix it.
Return to Starbase 114, Celes: This is a nice map design and serves as a good wrap up to the mission. I have to admit to being surprised by the sudden transfer to this map without a transition map watching the destruction of the robot and subsequent rescue of the Pakled. That does not mean you should create another map it was merely an observation based on my experience. The fact that chose to wrap up the mission with dialogue on this map is also a viable means of ending the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the skip dialogue function to be a little clearer to the player.
-In keeping with my recommendation on the first map regarding adding a short dialogue with the Starbase regarding the Pakled?s consider adding a follow up dialogue. The ship approaches the Starbase to drop off the Pakled and then instantly ends the mission. It felt odd.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and story. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 01/24/2014 on forum posting for: Nausicaans in the Valley Of Wind
Federation Mission - Perfection - Part 2
Author: ashkrik23
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HTZQEB432
Report Start
Summary: This mission, like the first in the series, is a combat oriented mission with a story. Having said that, I think the story is quite well written and serves to move the player forward from combat to combat. I saw some feedback on the mission description page that places the mission at 45 minutes. Perhaps it is 45 minutes if you skip over the dialogue but with the dialogue it is at least an hour and half minimum. For the combat oriented player you may want to insert a "skip dialogue" feature that provides a summary of what the player needs to know to continue. I would definitely recommend this mission as well as part 1 of the series to all players who like a combat oriented mission with good story dialogue; however I would not recommend it on Elite as it was challenging enough on Normal.
My apologies for the failure of my screen capture late in the mission but I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on any of the maps. The story was very well written and blended together with the combat very nicely.
Below are just a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good albeit short grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
The U.S.S. Simba: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-At the briefing all NPCs refer to the player as [Rank] and [FirstName]. Consider changing that to [Rank] and [LastName].
Kalferi: This is a good map design with several very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Cait System: This is a good map design with several very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Cait: This is a good map design with several very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider removing the [MissionInfo] dialogue telling the player to look for the cameo of another villain in the series. If it is not pertinent to the mission or an objective it only serves to detract from the mission.
NOTE: At this point in the mission review my screen capture software must have failed. It stops after the Cait map. I do not have the names for each map after this one but I did review the dialogue, map features and combat on each follow on map. I will complete the review by approximating the names for each map. If I missed any maps I apologize in advance.
Cait Molecule Facility map: This is a good map design with several very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Cait Orbit Rendezvous map: This is a good map design with several very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
U.S.S. Simba Bridge map: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue and is an excellent wrap up to the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-It felt odd that the player would "tattle" on the Klingon General about wanting to kill the other Admiral. The dialogue seemed unnecessary to the mission and you should consider removing it.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and the series. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 01/25/2014 on forum posting for: Ashkrik23's foundry missions.
Glad I could help.
Thanks for authoring and keep up the good work. Authored missions add more depth and keep the game interesting.
Brian
Hey, evil70th, I just starting my venture into creating Foundry missions and am looking for feedback. You mind adding mine to your queue?
Mission Name: Foothold
Author: wildkazoo
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HN6PZ5EJS
Estimated Mission Length: 30 mins or less
Hi wildkazoo,
Welcome to the queue. No worries about the error you found as your mission is 12th in the queue behind sirboulevard. I will get to it as soon as I can but at 12th in the queue it will be a little bit.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - Of Terror and Darkness
Author: voporak
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HS98ZW5VI
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with nice map designs, challenging but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I would definitely recommend this mission to all players who like a good story combined with nice maps and challenging but fun battles.
Below I mentioned multiple searches or scans as a single objective with no dialogue. Almost every author has done something like this, including me at one time, so do not think this is only referring to your mission I am talking about. The problem with multiple searches and no dialogue in between is they can become boring and predictable. In a story oriented mission this can become monotonous. The solution is to add dialogue in between each search, scan or interaction. Even if it as simple as telling the player that nothing was found that is better than nothing at all. This can be accomplished with popup dialogue that triggers following a search, scan or interaction. The other method is to break up those interactions with dialogue in between.
Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location of your first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Admiral Kormek's Office on ESD: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Deep Space Nine: This is a nice map with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The map feels a little too far spread out. Consider moving the objectives closer together.
-The problem with multiple scans as one objective is no dialogue in between each one. I will note the maps this occurs on and cover it in my summary.
Trivas system: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Empok Nor: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Treasure Trading Station: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Multiple searches as one objective.
Cait: This is a nice map with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider repositioning the objectives on this map. Having the player run all the way across a map for the initial interaction is mildly annoying. If you are going to leave it then consider adding triggered dialogue as the player moves across the map.
-Multiple searches as one objective.
Memory Alpha System: This is a good map design with a fun group battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Memory Alpha: This is a nice map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
U.S.S. Black Phantom, Bridge: This is a nice map design with a very tough battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Memory Alpha Space: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-If the player tries to fly directly through the anomaly as directed by the dialogue there appears to be an invisible wall blocking. The player ends up having to turn to find a way around the wall.
Return to Admiral Kormek's Office: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue that nicely wraps up the story. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with this mission and the series. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 01/31/2014 on forum posting for: Of Terror and Darkness
Federation Mission - A Taste of Collateral Damage
Author: BorrowedTune
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPMDJ5JQR
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission with outstanding map designs, tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. Your use of the interior maps combined with exterior maps demonstrates a mastery of map designs within the Foundry and is some of the best I have seen. I would highly recommend this mission to all players. I was riveted by the story and map designs from the start.
On two of the maps were you combined exterior maps and built interior features is outstanding. As I mention below there were several issues with those maps involving the BOFF pathing. The issue is, most likely, the results of standard pathing for those particular maps versus the interior designs you created. Essentially as the BOFFs attempt to follow the player they get stuck if the player turns and cuts a corner. The BOFF does not know how to handle the presence of the object. Is this your fault? Absolutely not but you do need to be aware of this issue, especially when the player is engaged with enemy mobs and half their BOFFs are stuck down the hall away from the fight.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant and follow on dialogue are well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The follow on dialogue use of the response button "Continue". Consider changing this to be an acknowledgement of the orders just given and accepted by the player.
Mission Task: This is a good use of the initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. . I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
ABRAXAS SYSTEM: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
STATION AZURE 9: This is a great map that demonstrates a mastery of the design concept within the Foundry. The battles were tough but fun and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Two of the MKII Drones in the lab are lying on the floor under the bed. Consider checking them to ensure that all are correctly positioned.
-This may be more a product of the Foundry than anything you can do but in the underground facility of the map the BOFFs kept getting stuck in walls and on corners. This is most likely a pathing issue based on the transition to this portion of the map you used. Because of that I doubt you can resolve this issue but it may be worth reporting to Cryptic.
-The use of the response button "Continue". As always I feel something else can be put here to better represent the player's response.
ABRAXAS III: This is a great map that once again demonstrates your skills with Foundry map design. The battles are tough but not impossible, and the dialogue is excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The dialogue with First; consider changing it to cascading dialogue that takes the player through each question and allowing them to exit on each as well.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The cave is very well designed and executed but again there is a problem with the BOFF pathing. This is most likely out of your control as with the other mentioned above you should be aware of it.
ABRAXAS SYSTEM #2: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
STATION AZURE 9 #2: This is a great map design with good puzzles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
FACILITY ONE: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a fantastic job creating this mission from start to finish. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 02/01/2014 on forum posting for: A Taste of Collateral Damage
Scars of the Pride
Part 1:Vacation So Short
Synopsis,
It has been 7 months since the Borg's defeat at Cait. The galaxy has gradually recovered and rebuilt ever since then. You have played a fundamental role in bringing many civilizations back to a normal lifestyle. Now you have been given an extended vacation for both you and your crew to the planet of Bajor for a well-earned rest. Your time on leave will be cut short as a mysterious attack upon the city of Hathon will spark the flame of a new conflict. This new evil is malicious and old scars left upon some of your closest friends will burn once more. You will learn that there is more to the history of them than meets the eyes.
This is a story dialogue mission with some ground combat. Takes place after the Perfection Series. Recommend you play that first if you haven't already. This mission also assumes you saved M'Sarabi in Perfection, which is considered the canon ending.
Scars of the Pride Pt 2:The Claw
Synopsis: It has been three days since the attack on Bajor. You and your crew have completed your leave time while waiting for Admiral Taka to contact you with the results of M'Kiara's study of the toxin Captain T'Vitani used on herself. A new breakthrough with the Borg medical technology could serve as something to adapt against this toxin. Someone else has their eyes on this device though, and for the wrong reasons...The toxin's true effects are about to be witnessed, Not even the U.S.S. Simba will be safe from this threat. Report to the Lateri System in the Beta Ursae sector block.
Hehe... I know this is your pet peeve and expected this comment. The "continue" button is only used a few times throughout the mission and always means "I'm listening... go to the next prompt." To be honest, I haven't found any other option to my liking that works any better. In my opinion, the occasional default "continue" is acceptable.
To my everlasting shame, sometimes those drones just refuse to behave. Usually, they all lay nice and comfy in their beds. Sometimes they do not. It's a bug I've seen in Cryptic missions as well. I'm not quite sure why it happens. It might have something to do with transitioning and the order in which objects appear once triggered or it's just another side effect of the issue below. It also could have something to do with NPC costume size considering others in the mission seem to enjoy nap time without protest.
You're exactly right. It has to do with pathing failing to account for transitioned objects. You should have seen early versions of that map with boffs falling into the floor. A total nightmare. I do, however, have some ideas and think I can solve most of those corners in an upcoming update. Failing that, I may tone down the fights or even add helpers if needed. Those fights aren't really meant to be a challenge but more of a plot device.
Great minds think alike. This has already been adjusted and will be updated as you recommended upon next publish. The original thought was that the dialogue is more multi-player friendly in its current state. Triggered buttons can sometimes make for odd multi-player interactions. However, there's just too many "questions" to scroll through when it first appears and that is more detracting overall.
I assume this means you found the optional on that map with the steps. :cool: I have a dialogue pop-up there to warn the player to keep their boffs stationed below but it's pretty lame. This was a somewhat recent addition to the mission and I might have some ideas on how to polish that stairway. We'll see how it goes.
Thanks again for the playthrough and review.
Just in case you need it again:
Mission: Foothold
Author: wildkazoo
ID: ST-HN6PZ5EJS
Playtime is about 30-40 minutes. It's for Fed characters and you will need a remodulator.
Hi ashkrik23,
Thanks for the request for review of your series part one and two. Your missions are 11th and 12th in the queue behind wildkazoo. I look forward to reviewing your mission series as soon as I can.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Hi borrowedtune,
I really appreciate the feedback and as always I am happy to help. You demonstrated a mastery of the Foundry that made your mission thoroughly enjoyable.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian