MAPS: Training Base Debriefing: This is a nice map design with well written dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding a console task to communicate with Linnea on ESD then end the mission at the shuttle craft vice having the player leave your mission to enter a Cryptic map. I will cover this in my summary above.
-The map transfer dialogue and response both say "Go to Next Map" which is the default entry when the author does not change them. If you plan to still have the player exit your mission to enter a Cryptic map then change the dialogue to read "The shuttle is ready" and the response button to "Let's go".
Earth Spacedock (Cryptic Map): This map does not appear to be needed in the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. Consider removing this map transfer and ending the mission on the previous map. Using Cryptic maps prior to the end of the mission does not actually work. I will discuss this in the summary above.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this combat oriented mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Thank you for your time. I appreciate the reviews for my two maps thus far. I am working on fixing things. Started with Boot Camp as it will be the easiest to fix. I have made most of the modifications. I do like the idea of adding more friendlies to my "Orbit Around Training Base" map, unfortunately I am not able to as it has too many objects to add more.
I did have a question about your Cryptic Map suggestion. I don't like the need for talking to someone on a Cryptic Map or anything, but I also do not like leaving the player on one of my maps with no logical way to exit. Is there a way to have them beam to ESD at the end of the mission without having them interact with anything else once they are there?
If not, is it considered acceptable to just leave them there on my map with the default beam out option returning them to ESD instead of to space like it seems like it should?
My only other question may require you to remember something you won't after playing so many missions. I have gotten rid of the first two maps as you suggested, but I am thinking of leaving in a quick lap around a building, does that sound ok or still seem too much of a waste of time?
Evil70th, it's been a while. You're doing a valuable service to the Foundry community.
Mission Title: Time's Razor
Author: Captainazzarano
Project ID: ST-HTZ2LKMWJ
Allegiance: Federation
Level: 31+
Description: Struggling against the burden of creating a whole new civilization in the Delta Volanis Cluster, the colonists of Polaris have sent a request for basic provisions and supplies to Starfleet Command. But, when the ship encounters a subspace distortion that throws them back through time and space, they must find a way to try to repair the damage that they've done. Boldly go into the unknown in this episode of Star Trek: Odyssey...
Authors Notes: This episode includes elements of an RPG, an optional Side Quest, and ground battles. If you want to play the side quest, you can get it started by talking to the enlistment officer in the armory of Elysia map. The story contains a classic Trek twist at the end.
Estimated Length: 60-90 minutes depending on Side Quest play/reading time.
Thank you for your time. I appreciate the reviews for my two maps thus far. I am working on fixing things. Started with Boot Camp as it will be the easiest to fix. I have made most of the modifications. I do like the idea of adding more friendlies to my "Orbit Around Training Base" map, unfortunately I am not able to as it has too many objects to add more.
Sometimes when we create maps we have to find a tradeoff between details that are nice and objects needed for the story. What this means is we need to weigh the needs of the many obscure details versus the needs of the few details or the one detail that makes the story. In the end only you the author can decide what makes or breaks your story. I and the other players can only make recommendations.
I did have a question about your Cryptic Map suggestion. I don't like the need for talking to someone on a Cryptic Map or anything, but I also do not like leaving the player on one of my maps with no logical way to exit. Is there a way to have them beam to ESD at the end of the mission without having them interact with anything else once they are there?
The short answer is no there is no way to do what you describe using ESD or any cryptic map. I have played Cryptic missions where I moved from one system to another cleanly via sector maps so it is possible. At present, using Cryptic maps as a transition between custom maps is not available in the Foundry. Perhaps someday they will add it as a tool in the Foundry.
If not, is it considered acceptable to just leave them there on my map with the default beam out option returning them to ESD instead of to space like it seems like it should?
As I mentioned in my review summary, the dialogue to end the mission could have been handled through a communications console located on the map. The other option would be adding it to the dialogue of at the end of the mission as a communication from the Admiral's assistant. You would then use the shuttle as the end of the mission. It would be a clean ending to the mission.
My only other question may require you to remember something you won't after playing so many missions. I have gotten rid of the first two maps as you suggested, but I am thinking of leaving in a quick lap around a building, does that sound ok or still seem too much of a waste of time?
I would still maintain the first two maps of the mission seemed completely unnecessary to the mission. It did not give me a feeling of being in a boot camp situation. It just seemed to be a waste of time in the mission. The player wants to get into the action, even if it is dialogue and interactions but especially if there is combat. I have mentioned many times before in other reviews, just because you can make 10 custom maps does not mean you should. A good rule of thumb to use is if the custom map adds to the story use it.
Evil70th, it's been a while. You're doing a valuable service to the Foundry community.
Mission Title: Time's Razor
Author: Captainazzarano
Project ID: ST-HTZ2LKMWJ
Allegiance: Federation
Level: 31+
Description: Struggling against the burden of creating a whole new civilization in the Delta Volanis Cluster, the colonists of Polaris have sent a request for basic provisions and supplies to Starfleet Command. But, when the ship encounters a subspace distortion that throws them back through time and space, they must find a way to try to repair the damage that they've done. Boldly go into the unknown in this episode of Star Trek: Odyssey...
Authors Notes: This episode includes elements of an RPG, an optional Side Quest, and ground battles. If you want to play the side quest, you can get it started by talking to the enlistment officer in the armory of Elysia map. The story contains a classic Trek twist at the end.
Estimated Length: 60-90 minutes depending on Side Quest play/reading time.
Thanks, Evil70th!
Hi Captainazzarano,
Thanks for submitting your mission to the queue for review. Your mission is currently 15th in the queue behind Theatrrap. I will get to your mission as soon as I can.
I appreciate the compliment; my goal is to help authors with constructive help in creating their missions for us to play.
On the subject of optional dialogue - I did initially use reach markers and popups, but during testing I noted some issues where the popup could be suppressed by combat, and thereby hidden away in the bottom right where a player might not notice it. I preferred to give people the choice of going and investigating at their leisure.
As for NPCs with dialogue moving...I don't recall that being supposed to happen. I'll look into it.
Oh, and while I'm here, before the queue gets another three miles longer :P
I published the conclusion to this arc just before S9, and I'd like to request a review for it now you've played Lonesome Heart.
Summary: This is a good mission with nice map designs, tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players although not necessarily on Elite level. Several of the battles were more than a challenge on Normal level. It is a fun combat oriented mission in the series.
The only real issue I had with this mission was the way we just jumped right in and started the mission. There was no real explanation of what we were doing and why. Perhaps this was explained in the previous mission "Lonesome Heart" however you need to cover at least part of the purpose here. It may have been a while since the previous mission was played or the player may not have played it at all. Regardless of the reason it will only help the player enjoy the mission more if there is an explanation of exactly what they are doing in the mission. I usually cover this with an option, following the grant dialogue, for the player to get a recap of the previous mission or skip it if they have recently played that mission. You can make it a "Previously on" type of dialogue.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good start to a description but it needs a little more story. The goal is to draw the player in and make them want to click the 'Hail' button. Consider adding the mission start location to the start location to this description as [MissionInfo] to allow the player to refer back to it if needed. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good mission task but consider adding the start location to the description above as [MissionInfo] so the player can refer back to it if needed. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Bajoran Wormhole: This is a nice map design with several tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Mirror Deep Space 9: This is a nice map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Scan point 2 has optional combat right on top of the enemy. This causes the dialogue to start to open as the fighting starts. Consider moving the optional combat further away or make it a required engagement. The dialogue does not mention the combat at all but it is right on top of the scan point.
Mirror Badlands: This is a good map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Mirror Orias System: This is a good map with several tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding respawn points further into the map. The far battle with Terran forces ends up almost a one on one match because the other forces are mostly destroyed before you can assist them.
ISS Sunset Blues mess deck: This is a nice map design with some tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider making the optional dialogue triggered optional dialogue. This means it will disappear once the player has interacted with it. You can use an invisible object to trigger the dialogue.
-Consider adding a respawn point deeper into the map.
-There is an apparent issue with the BOFFs getting through the last doorway during the battle with some high level enemy. I ended up doing a lot of the fighting myself. I believe the issue is being caused by the Federation doorways you added to the map. Consider removing them, or at least the last one.
Mirror Bajoran Wormhole: This is a nice map with some tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding a respawn point deeper into the map.
USS Jackdaw Recreation Deck: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider making the optional dialogue triggered optional dialogue.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with the development of this mission in the series but consider at least a recap of the previous mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Thanks for the review! I will be making some changes based on your feedback.
A couple of things-
- Until I fix the doorway issue on the Mess Deck, it should be possible to use boff waypoints to get them through.
- Did the Epechi transport ships in the Mirror Bajoran Wormhole work correctly? I set them up to use a patrol route to move through the wormhole - did they move at an appropriate speed and get to the other side at the right time to not loop back?
- Did the story make sense? I was worried I might have made some leaps that maybe didn't seem right.
I am NikkoJT, Foundry author and terrible player. Follow me!
There used to be a picture here, but they changed signatures and I can't be bothered to replace it.
A couple of things-
- Until I fix the doorway issue on the Mess Deck, it should be possible to use boff waypoints to get them through.
It is possible to use the way points but I would not recommend that while you are engaged in a fire fight. Even if you send you away team through first they will get shot up pretty quickly. Also as I recommended you should add a respawn point closer to that area.
- Did the Epechi transport ships in the Mirror Bajoran Wormhole work correctly? I set them up to use a patrol route to move through the wormhole - did they move at an appropriate speed and get to the other side at the right time to not loop back?
They only went half way through. And following the Romulan engagement they did not appear to move any further through the wormhole. This may be the setting you used for the patrol behavior. Make sure you set the time frame to 100% and max it out at weight 20.
- Did the story make sense? I was worried I might have made some leaps that maybe didn't seem right.
As I mentioned you need a recap at the beginning following the Grant Dialogue. This would help the player understand the mission and your story. The way it is now if there is a gap between when you played the previous mission and now it will not make sense. The same would apply if you did not play the previous mission before this one.
Hey Evil70th, I recently created a forum post for my mission "Raptor's Reflection" as you suggested in your review. It seems to be working.
I wanted to clear with you whether you mind my quoting and linking to your review in that post.
Hi Elijahthomassto,
Feel free to quote the report in your post and provide a link to my review post as well. I appreciate you asking in advance. I am glad you created a posting for your mission.
Thanks very much, Evil70th. I've updated my post here if you're interested.
The link looks good but you should be able to link directly to the specific post if desired. You could simply click on the report and then take the address and paste it in like this. That is not required but just a thought.
Thanks for authoring and keep up the great work.
Brian
Scars of the Pride, Part 3:Toxin Synopsis: It has been two days since the attack on the U.S.S. Simba. With Admiral Taka in a coma, your only hope of catching the raiders was a tracking device planted on the stolen Borg technology by Commander M'Kiara. Now the technology has surfaced on a world deep within Klingon Space. On this forgotten world you will discover the inner-workings of a plot to destroy the federation itself. Report to Deep Space K-7 in the Eta Eridani sector block to rendezvous with the U.S.S. Simba and stop a hidden evil from rising. Level 50+
Still newish considering I posted it right before the foundry went down. Let me know if you find any major bugs.
Federation Mission - Scars of the Pride, Part 3:Toxin
Author: ashkrik23
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HHJLOE5AJ
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission in the series with good map designs, very tough battles and well written story dialogue. Despite the next paragraph regarding the last map battle, I would recommend this mission to all players although not on Elite level. It was tough enough as currently designed on Normal.
I mention the tough nature of several of the battles on your maps below. The nature of your mission and series, along with the story, drew me in from the first mission all the way through this mission. Each enemy mob on the previous maps ranged from medium to tough but in general I felt they were fun to engage. However the nature of the enemy mobs on the last map was not as much a challenge as a distraction from the mission. I do not mind tough battles in missions but when the battles are so tough and you are destroyed over and over again it becomes a grinder mission. That will ultimately make the player lose sight if the mission and the objectives. At that point it is not fun anymore. If you are going to make the player engage the enemy alone then consider spreading the enemy mobs further apart from each other and the spawn\respawn points. This will give the player a chance to engage the enemy using tactics.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description so far. Consider removing the update information in favor of a recap of the mission series to date and changing the start location to [MissionInfo] to the player something to refer back to more easily. You can also change the update information to direct players to your forum posting for the update information. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The initial grant dialogue is well written. The additional information you provide in the grant dialogue should be moved to the description as indicated above or to your forum posting. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Until recently I had recommended the addition of the start location for missions in the initial task. I have since reversed that position in favor of providing that information in the description for the reasons described in my forum posting. I recommend you update your task accordingly and use it for the mission itself as intended. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. The Disclaimer you have in this prompt might be better located in the description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this Prompt.
MAPS: U.S.S. Simba Security Level: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Sad Report dialogue, consider changing "He has been stable ,but we fear whatever" to read "He has been stable but we fear whatever".
-The BOFF for the transfer dialogue is one of the Ship Tactical Officers but talks as if they are on the away team. Check the BOFF setting to make sure you are using an Away Team BOFF vice a Ship BOFF.
Wamesahau System: This is a good map design with tough optional and required battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Wamesahau Surface: This is a nice map design with several tough optional and required battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Recommend you reduce the fog on this map. It is more annoying than challenging and detracts from mission rather than adding to it. You do not need to get rid of it just tone it down. Consider tying it to the upgrade in the tricorder.
Ferasan Toxin Facility Production Level: This is a nice map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Recommend you reduce the fog on this map. It is more annoying than challenging and detracts from mission rather than adding to it. Again you do not have to get rid of it just tone it down.
Ferasan Toxin Facility Research Level: This is a nice map design with very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Recommend you reduce the fog on this map. It is more annoying than challenging and detracts from mission rather than adding to it. Once again you do not have to get rid of it just tone it down.
-Recommend the use of Optional Triggered dialogue using invisible objects vice the NPC triggered optional dialogue for the dead creatures. One reason is you could label the button "Examine Deceased Elachi" or whatever the creature is. Another reason is you can make the dialogue disappear after the player interacts with it.
-The A Grim Discovery dialogue; consider changing "[OOC]Your officers stay in disbelief at what surrounds you[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Your officers stare in disbelief at what surrounds you[/OOC]"
-The BOFF for the transfer dialogue is one of the Away Team Tactical Officers but talks as if they are on the ship. Check the BOFF setting to make sure you are using a Ship BOFF vice an Away Team BOFF.
Wamesahau System, Ferasan Ambush: This map is a nice design with extremely tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The enemy mobs are extremely if not almost impossible to defeat. It appears that because you place more than one enemy mob so close together and right on top of the player spawn/respawn point the player is going to have to respawn multiple times. Some may consider that a challenge but it is just annoying. Consider spreading the enemy mobs further apart and give the player a chance to engage and use tactics.
-At some point during the battle the I.K.S. Kcalb Motnahp was destroyed. I suspect it is due to the location of the disabled ships and one of the enemy ships exploding.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission and the series. I look forward to playing/reviewing the next mission in the series and more of your work in the future.
Brian
Federation Mission - Time for Tribble Troubles
Author: jezaleigha
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HUXDG4Y00
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission overall with fun battles and well written story dialogue. With a little polishing it can be a great mission. I would recommend this mission to other players who like short but fun missions as it currently is. Please do not take the following paragraphs as anything more than my suggestions on things I felt you could change to improve the mission.
The very first issue most people do not deal with in these types of missions is when a time traveler goes back in time they would change the timeline and no one would know the difference. The exception to this would be time travelers, temporal agents and certain species. The only other way to avoid this issue is to have the player shielded as demonstrated in the TOS episode "City on the edge of forever" or the TNG movie "First contact". In both those examples the characters who maintained knowledge of their timeline and of the time travelers were both shielded from the changes. The characters involved in those incidents were all shielded from the effect of changes to the timeline by the influence of the device or time travel flux. In your mission I understand you were trying to give the player some action and mission objectives while following the TOS and DS9 stories involving Tribbles. The issues arise from the actual interactions with NPCs from both the TOS and DS9 episodes. For example, it felt odd that Kirk acted as if the player and ship were known in Starfleet. In the DS9 episode they got away with it because of the cloaked ship and no overt contact with the TOS characters. Yes, Captain Sisko interacted with Kirk but only in a passing manner that had no actual affect on the timeline. Therefore it would not be an overt interaction and affect the timeline.
How do you correct this issue? You could redesign the mission start so the player, while on an unrelated mission, is contacted by a temporal agent or other time traveler and brought into a shielded location. From there they are briefed on what is happening with the timeline intervention. This avoids the main issue I address in the previous paragraph. Next you could redesign the initial K-7 orbit map so the player must navigate quietly into the station and covertly enter it. This navigation could be setup in a way that the player has to move to a specific point near the station without being detected by the Enterprise. You could write optional dialogue that comes up if the player is discovered by the Enterprise while maneuvering into position. The dialogue would be a simple call from the Enterprise to the unidentified ship. The dialogue would then have the player identify themselves as a merchant vessel or something along those lines. Obviously players with cloaking devices would have an advantage and others would simply have to take a long way around to avoid being detected. Once on the station the player could intercede only in the events that were not from the timeline. You can add them stopping an enemy interference with the DS9 team locating the bomb and so on. The combat with Karwen Darvin would be moved to an obscure location of the station away from the NPCs for that timeline.
To fix the specific K-7 orbit maps issue I mention below consider redesigning both maps as blank maps that you add the planet, K-7 and other elements. With this type of design you have options that would work much better. You could have a temporal agent or time traveler mentioned above meet the player while in space. They shield the player and then explain what is happening to the timeline. The agent or time traveler then briefs the player on what they must do to reset the timeline. The agent opens a time portal and the player travel through it. At that point you make the planet, K-7 and other objects appear. The player maneuvers into the station as I indicated above. On the way out they maneuver to a remote location away from the station and planet then initiate the portal. When they pass through it you trigger the planet, K-7 and other objects to disappear. The agent or time traveler then tells the player they have successfully restored the timeline to its original flow. At that point you can end the mission and you do not need the final map.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding [MissionInfo] "Travel to K-7 sector space". This will give the player the ability to refer back to the start location more easily if needed.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue; however consider removing the reference to "The Trouble with Tribbles" and Trials and Tribble-ations". Both of those are titles to episodes on TOS and DS9 respectively. They are fine in the description so the player has the context of the mission but do not work in the grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good use of the initial task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: K-7 orbit: This is a good map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-You have a couple of freighters with the default labels "Generic Freighter Medium" that looks odd. Consider giving them actual names vice the default names.
-The Captain Kirk outfit is close but the actual uniform shirt should be available in the costumes. Consider changing it to that uniform shirt.
-It felt odd that Kirk acted as if I were a known Starfleet Captain and ship. Consider changing the map so the player covertly beams aboard the station without interacting with the Enterprise or Kirk. The combat over the freighter is okay and I know what your goal in the story was for that but you may want to reconsider it. I will note the time travel paradoxes on each map and cover it in my summary above.
Deep Space K-7: This is a nice map design with some fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Time travel paradox to be covered in the summary.
-Consider redesigning Lieutenant Uhura's character to remove the ear piece. The communication ear piece would be worn at her station on the bridge but not on shore leave or liberty.
-If you are going to keep the interaction with the TOS characters you should have the player move away from Kirk and the other TOS characters to discuss the bomb.
-The use of the response button "Continue" in the dialogue where the player is listening. Consider changing it to " " vice "Continue".
-The background NPCs continually to say the display dialogue. For example one NPC says "Welcome to Deep Space K-7" over and over again. The previous statement is still visible when they repeat it again. Consider resetting the repeat level of this line to something less repetitious.
-The combat with Karwen Darvin should be in an obscure location of the station away from the NPCs for the original timeline.
K-7 orbit#2: This is a nice map with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Time travel paradox to be covered in the summary.
-If you feel the battle is necessary then consider having the player maneuver to time travel when they are attacked. Having the battle right next to Deep Space K-7 seems odd and would be a paradox in the timeline.
-If the battle remains consider having the player maneuver away from Deep Space K-7 before time traveling.
25th century space: This map has a single dialogue box that ends the mission. If it were not for this being the end of the mission it would be an unnecessary map transfer. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I will cover a suggested fix in the summary above.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Mission Name: The Caitian Gambit part 1 of 1
Author: @helixfungus
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance:Federation
Project ID: ST-HERZBK76Z
Estimated Mission Length: 30 to 40 mins
In this mission you help the USS Constitution, a fed ship with a full Caitian compliment on board, to survive a major crisis menacing the Caitian homeworld... this is in part a reboot of The Motion Picture, only with Caitians as protagonists... but there is more, a side story on a Founder rogue shapeshfter that is harassing this crew for a very good reason...
Part 2 of 2 resolve this subplot for good ...
Mission Name: The Caitian Gambit part 2 of 2
Author: @helixfungus
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation/
Project ID: ST-HJLTFLCAY
Estimated Mission Length: 30 to 40 mins
After saving Caitian homeworld, a vile vengeance plan to discredit Caitian Admiral Bim Chip takes place. Only you, as his battle companion during first part, can shed positive light in front of Caitian justice... and maybe put an end to Rodo's evil doing in the Alpha Quadrant...
Mission Name: The Caitian Gambit part 1 of 1
Author: @helixfungus
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance:Federation
Project ID: ST-HERZBK76Z
Estimated Mission Length: 30 to 40 mins
In this mission you help the USS Constitution, a fed ship with a full Caitian compliment on board, to survive a major crisis menacing the Caitian homeworld... this is in part a reboot of The Motion Picture, only with Caitians as protagonists... but there is more, a side story on a Founder rogue shapeshfter that is harassing this crew for a very good reason...
Part 2 of 2 resolve this subplot for good ...
Hi helixfungus,
Welcome to the queue. This mission is 13th in the queue behind Captainazzarano. I will review this mission as soon as I can.
Mission Name: The Caitian Gambit part 2 of 2
Author: @helixfungus
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation/
Project ID: ST-HJLTFLCAY
Estimated Mission Length: 30 to 40 mins
After saving Caitian homeworld, a vile vengeance plan to discredit Caitian Admiral Bim Chip takes place. Only you, as his battle companion during first part, can shed positive light in front of Caitian justice... and maybe put an end to Rodo's evil doing in the Alpha Quadrant...
Hello again helixfungus,
This mission is 14th in the queue behind your part 1 of this mission series. I will get to this mission as soon as I can.
This is an expansion of a review I recently wrote regarding a recent mission I played. I did enjoy the mission but there were time paradoxes that, in my opinion, would be generated and other events that needed to be addressed. The goal of this post is to provide a few things for any author who wishes to create a time traveling mission to think about. To that end I have some suggestions on how to avoid those paradoxes and other issues associated with these types of missions.
One of the first issues most authors do not deal with is the changing of the timeline. Now if it is the player traveling back in time then you would affect the timeline but can also ensure it is preserved. When an adversary travels back in and alters history no one in the current timeline would know the difference. The exception to this would be time travelers, temporal agents and certain species. Without the aid of those types of beings the only other way to avoid this issue is to have the player shielded from the changes in the timeline. This can best be demonstrated in the TOS episode "City on the edge of forever" or the TNG movie "First contact". In both those examples the characters who maintained knowledge of their timeline and therefore the ability to repair it were shielded from the changes. In the case of the "City on the edge of forever" they were shielded by the emanations from the device on the planet when Doctor McCoy went through. In "First contact" they were caught in the temporal flux of the Borg time portal they created. Deep Space Nine also did an episode where the crew traveled back in time to stop a plot to change the outcome of the mission in the "Trouble with Tribbles" episode. In the DS9 episode they got away with it because of the cloaked ship and no overt contact with the TOS characters. Yes, Captain Sisko interacted with Kirk but only in a passing manner that had no actual affect on the timeline. Therefore it would not be an overt interaction and affect the timeline.
How do avoid these issues? Your mission could start with either a player being intercepted by a time traveler, a species who can detect these changes, temporal agent or a device similar to the Guardian in the TOS "City on the edge of forever" episode. This individual or device shields the player from, either deliberate or accidental, changes to the timeline. From here the player can be briefed or decide as part of the story on how to address the changes made in the timeline from this point. The time paradoxes mentioned at the beginning of this post would be mitigated by this process in the story. How you address the mitigation is your choice but remember the player should not directly interact with people in the original timeline without addressing the concerns of altering the past. The way around this would to write the story so the player was actually part of the historical events that occurred.
That should cover most aspects of time travel missions you create within the Foundry. If you have any questions please let me know and we can discuss them.
This is a sequel to Foothold (ID: ID: ST-HN6PZ5EJS)
Description: Fabrications: part II
Your success with recovering the data from Starbase 82 in Foothold has brought you to the attention of Admiral Boatwright. He is calling on you to venture into a system laden with mysterious temporal anomalies and rescue the crews of two missing starships. The U.S.S. Farnsworth, carrying valuable experimental Starfleet technologies, has gone missing. Another starship, the U.S.S. Lahan, was sent to find it. But contact was lost with the Lahan as well. What is to be found in the Maro System? What dangers lurk in a system fraught with time?
Summary: This is a great mission with good map designs, fun; story oriented combat and excellent story dialogue. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players who enjoy a good story driven mission.
The recommendation to remove the first map and modify the Mission Entry Prompt is based on the fact that there are no real story elements that are supported by the map. In short it does not serve a purpose in the story. I understand that authors occasionally feel the need to provide some sort of transition between maps in the story but that transition should support the story in some way. A map that you enter, receive initial dialogue, cross the map and then transfer to the next just does not serve that purpose. I hope that clears up any questions or concerns regarding this recommendation.
Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding the mission start location for the first custom map. The mission description is easily reviewable by a player at anytime during the mission. This will help them find the start location and free up your initial task for use in the mission itself. Yes this is a change in my normal review policy on this issue.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The initial grant and follow on dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good use of the initial task. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task. I have recently changed my review policy regarding the placement of the start location for the first custom map. There is nothing wrong with having it in the initial task however I now recommend placement of the location in the description which is reviewable by the player at anytime during the mission. This would free up the initial task to be used for mission oriented information or tasking.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt; however based on my recommendation for the first map I recommend you rewrite this as indicated on that map.
MAPS: Celes System: This is a nice map but having this map does not really serve any purpose in the mission. Specifically I recommend you remove this map and rewrite the Mission Entry Prompt to have the player beam directly to the U.S.S. Arpasia.
U.S.S. Arpasia: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Based on my previous recommendation for the Celes System map and Mission Entry Prompt consider making this your first custom map of the mission.
-The Admiral Boatwright dialogue; consider changing "You partinered with it" to read "You partnered with it".
- Since we entered the map at the transporter pad we should depart from there. Consider changing the map departure point to be from the transporter pad vice anywhere on the map.
Maro VII: This is a good map design with some balanced battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
U.S.S. Lahan: This is a good map design and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Maro III: This is a good map design with some balanced battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Ferengi ship "Almighty Latinum" has Photonic Galor ships assisting it in battle. I imagine this is due to the Ferengi skin being placed on a Cardassian ship. Based on one of the battles on the Maro VII map with a Cardassian ship was that ship also supposed to be a Ferengi ship? I ask because this all seems inconsistent. If it is intended then you need to reexamine the Ferengi ship on this map and make sure what enemy unit you are using with the Ferengi skin.
U.S.S. Farnsworth: This is a good map design with balanced battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
U.S.S. Arpasia: This is a good map with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
A simple visit to New Romulus for a holiday takes a turn for the worse when disaster strikes. However, as events start repeating themselves, you realize you're not just trapped in catastrophe... you're trapped in Epohh's Day!
Summary: This is a good mission with several challenging battles, both optional and required. The story dialogue is well written and you did a good job taking the premise of a movie and updating it to a STO mission. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players although not on Elite level as it was enough of a challenge on Normal.
Below I mention the use of lower case when referring to the rank. This is okay for mentioning a specific rank such as captain or admiral but when addressing or referring to a specific person the capitalized form should be used. For example you would write the following, Captain Johnson or Admiral Taev. I base this on my own military background of 24 years in the U.S. Navy. Below I mention referring to a race or civilization such as Eppohh or Romulan and the use of capitalization in those cases. In your own dialogue you switched between the two uses even in the same dialogue. Sometimes it takes and outside set of eyes to catch these issues and that is part of what I do with these reviews.
Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good and simple description for the story. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding the start location for your first custom map to the description to make it easier for the player to find it.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: New Romulus: This is a good map design with challenging but fun optional combat and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "I found that thrilling, captain" to read "I found that thrilling, Captain".
New Romulus: This is a good map design with challenging but fun optional combat and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Are you alright, captain" to read "Are you alright, Captain".
-Consider changing "I found that thrilling, captain" to read "I found that thrilling, Captain". I will cover the use of rank in my summary above.
-Consider changing "[OOC]You point to a creepy looking romulan by the east building[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]You point to a creepy looking Romulan by the east building[/OOC]"
New Romulus: This is a good map design with challenging but fun optional combat and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
New Romulus: This is a good map design with challenging but fun optional combat and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Umm captain" to read "Umm Captain".
New Romulus: This is a good map design with challenging but fun combat and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Are you saying that epohhs placed the mine" to read "Are you saying that Epohhs placed the mine".
New Romulus: This is a good map design with challenging but fun combat and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "why you have epohhs digging" to read "why you have Epohhs digging ".
Mol'Rihan System: This is a good map design with very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The reason the Romulan reveals the plot felt too easy and rushed. Consider moving this to the end of the previous map. The player can discover a data chip or other device. Then confront the Eppoh lady at the beginning of this map and she explains the time loop.
-Consider changing "Using my epohhs" to read "Using my Epohhs"
-Consider changing "The epohhs would have had" to read "The Epohhs would have had"
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Mission 7: Scars of the Pride, Part 4: Evolution of Evil Author: ashkrik23
Mission 8: Beckon Me Unto Beacons Author: velocitore
Mission 9: The Haunting Returns Author: Theatrrap
Mission 10: Time's Razor Author: Captainazzarano
Mission 11: The Caitian Gambit part 1 of 1 Author: helixfungus
Mission 12: The Caitian Gambit part 2 of 2 Author: helixfungus
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "Submit for review" for details on what I need you to submit your mission.
I have a mission I would like you to review whenever possible:
Title: Attumar: First Contact
Author: Lordarathron
Allegiance: Federation
Any Level (Technically, but it is located at the Mutara Nebula, so you must be able to travel to the Gamma Orionis Sector Block)
I have a mission I would like you to review whenever possible:
Title: Attumar: First Contact
Author: Lordarathron
Allegiance: Federation
Any Level (Technically, but it is located at the Mutara Nebula, so you must be able to travel to the Gamma Orionis Sector Block)
Hi Lordarathron,
Welcome to the queue. Your mission is currently 12th in the queue behind helixfungus. I will review your mission as soon as I can.
Hey Evil70th, I have 2 brand new mission that I would like you to review them, if you wouldn't mind.
Thanks
Mission Name: The Covenant part 1
Author: Logitech007
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Starfleet Federation
Project ID: ST-ST-HUCUI6DUA
Estimated Mission Length: About 45 min to 1 hour give or take.
Thanks again.
Logitech007
Federation Mission - The Covenant part 1
Author: Logitech007
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-ST-HUCUI6DUA
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with a nice mix of tough but fun battles and story dialogue. There are some spelling, syntax and grammatical errors in the dialogue but I would still recommend the story to other players.
The spelling, syntax and grammatical errors need work but more importantly are the issues with plot dialogue. Specifically there are a few places were the dialogue seems to assume the player knows something that has not yet been revealed. In other cases the dialogue does not seem to acknowledge events that have taken place on the map. When you add this to the spelling, syntax and grammatical errors it can make the player feel like the plot makes no sense. I would suggest a good read through of the entire dialogue and see how it fits with the map interactions and events. The story overall is good but just needs a little polishing to make it a great story.
I mention the use of "Continue" as a response button. When using this in conjunction with [OOC] dialogue, meant to represent the players response, it works better to end the response with the last sentence in the response button field vice "Continue". Another thing to consider is the use of "Alright" as a response to most dialogue directed at a superior officer seems a little too unprofessional. Consider changing those responses to something more appropriate to the preceding dialogue. One more item to consider changing is the use of [Rank] in the dialogue. It can work well in many different ways but can also be over used. Especially if used by an NPC who is in a position of seniority despite the rank of the player. For this I would suggest using "Captain" in place of [Rank]. I feel it works better in the flow of the dialogue no matter the rank of the individual in the dialogue. Captain is a position as well as a rank. Those in command of vessels may be lieutenant or admiral but they are still the captain of the vessel.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "U.S.S.Quantum" to read "U.S.S. Quantum".
-Consider changing the "Start Location" to [MissionInfo] so that it stands out from the rest of the text.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is the same dialogue from the description. Consider rewriting this dialogue to draw the player in and make them want to click 'Accept'. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "U.S.S.Quantum" to read "U.S.S. Quantum".
Mission Task: This is a good use of the initial task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Sir, the U.S.S.Quantum has signaled" to read "Captain, the U.S.S. Quantum has signaled".
MAPS: U.S.S.Quantum: This is a good map design and use of the dialogue prompts. There are quite a few dialogue spelling, syntax and grammatical errors noted below. I noted several items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the current map name "U.S.S.Quantum" to read "U.S.S. Quantum"
-The Commander William Boone dialogue; consider changing "she is just in her ready room" to read "she is in her ready room".
-Consider changing the response button "Alright" to read "Thank you Commander". This would be a more appropriate.
-Consider changing "[OOC]been on the U.S.S.Quantum[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]been on the U.S.S. Quantum[/OOC]".
-Consider changing the response button "Nope" to read "No I have not". This would be a more appropriate.
-Consider removing the response button "Alright" and leaving just the "Thank you, Commander".
-The [OOC] dialogue following the introduction to Admiral Mauel Rodessa needs to be rewritten. There are no spelling errors and I understand the general direction you want to go with it but the sentence structure for the entire dialogue does not read correctly. Consider rewriting this dialogue.
-The use of the response button "Continue" which is the default when nothing is entered for the button. Consider replacing it with " " or when used in conjunction with [OOC] dialogue put the last line of the dialogue in the response button.
-Consider changing "[OOC]But if you will correct me[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Correct me if I am wrong[/OOC]".
-The Admiral Mauel Rodessa dialogue; consider changing "Not too many people know this but the location and the date in which this summit has been determined but it is highly classified for obvious reasons" to read "This is highly classified but the date, time and location of the summit have already been set".
-Consider changing the entire dialogue that starts with "[Rank], I did some checking" to read "Captain, I have thoroughly checked your background and all of my sources indicate you are the right person for this job".
-Consider changing the response button starting with "Hahaha" to read "Thank you Admiral".
-Consider changing "Haha, I do, [Rank]" to read "I trust you with the safety and security of this summit".
-Consider changing the response button "Who can I expected to attend this summit" to read "What delegations will be attending".
-Consider changing the entire dialogue that begins with "Obvious a couple of our Ambassadors" to read "In addition to our ambassadors from Vulcan there will be ambassadors from the Klingon Empire, which will include Ferasan, Gorn, Orion and Nausicaan. Also the Romulan Republic, Cardassian Union, Breen Confederacy, Ferengi Alliance, as well as delegations from the Dominion, Reman and Deferi".
-Consider removing the sentence "[OOC]All those Ambassadors in one room[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "It was super difficult to get some to most to be in the same room" to read "It was not easy to get most of them in the same room".
-Consider changing "So I need you to provide security for this summit. To make sure nothing happens while we are all there" to read "I need you to provide security at the summit to ensure the safety of all the delegations".
-Consider changing the response button "I understood. Anything else i should know about" to read "I understand. Is there anything else?"
-Consider changing "[Rank], Also, Be careful and be on the lookouts for the Covenant" to read "There is a group known only as the Covenant that may pose a threat to the summit".
-Consider changing "The Covenant is a terrorist cult group that is responsible for attacks, bombings and kidnappings on countless number of vessels and facilities over the past few years" to read "They are a terrorist group that is responsible for several attacks on vessels and facilities across the Federation".
-Consider changing "[Rank],we have tried on several attempts to capture a member of this group but the attempts have failed" to read "Captain, all our attempts to capture members of this group alive have failed".
-Consider changing "We have no idea where this organization's headquarters are or who is all in it, which makes them the most dangerous of them all" to read "We have no idea who is in the organization or where their headquarters is located".
-Consider changing the response button "And you think, this organization will attempt something at the summit" to read "So you think these terrorists will try to disrupt the summit".
-In the next dialogue Admiral Mauel Rodessa does not answer the question from the player response in the previous dialogue. Consider adding "It is possible so we cannot take any chances" to the dialogue.
-Consider changing "I want you to read up on the Ambassadors that are coming to get the inside track on them, if something happens" to read "Intelligence has gathered information on the delegates attending the summit. I want you to review that information and be familiar with each of them. You may use the console directly behind you".
-Consider changing the response button "Alright. Where can I do this from" to read "Yes Admiral".
-If you implement the previous suggested changes then delete the next dialogue starting with "You may use the console".
-For the console, remove the puzzle, it serves no purpose to the story. Consider replacing it with dialogue as follows, "Identify for access to classified files. [OOC][Rank], [LastName], commanding officer [ShipName]". Then add the response button "Request access to files".
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Acress Granted[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Access granted[/MissionInfo]".
-Consider adding information for all ambassadors vice "[MissionInfo]Information unknown[/MissionInfo]". Starfleet intelligence should have something on each ambassador even if it is not a complete dossier.
-The Admiral Mauel Rodessa dialogue; consider changing "[Rank], did you get all the information" to read "Have you finished the review of the files".
-Consider changing the response button "I did look at all the information that we had, which was not to much but i did read the information" to read "I have reviewed the information but some information did not appear to be available".
-Consider changing "I know that. We were unable to attain any further information on any of the other Ambassadors" to read "Unfortunately it was the best information our intelligence assets could obtain".
-Consider changing the response button "So where is this location in which this summit is going to be held" to read "Where is the summit going to be held".
-Consider changing the entire dialogue starting with "Starfleet Command has picked the [MissionInfo]Raveh Sector of the Orellius Sector block.[/MissionInfo]" to read "Starfleet command has detected a previously undetected planetary system in the Raveh sector of the Orellius sector block. They consider this location to be secure enough for the summit".
-Consider changing "This planet is Class-M and it has never been charted and it is one Starfleet just located" to read "The system has a class M planet that is previously uncharted".
-The Admiral Mauel Rodessa dialogue starting with "I have four more Federation starships there or in orbit of this planet to aid you and your mission" needs to be rewritten. There are no spelling errors but the sentence structure for the entire dialogue does not read correctly. Consider rewriting this dialogue.
-Consider changing the response button "Ok. Have we pass these guidelines onto the rest of the other players" to read "Have the other delegations received these guidelines and acknowledged them".
-Due to the volume of spelling, syntax and grammatical errors I will only note maps with these issues and not the specific issue. It will be up to you to review the dialogue on those maps.
Unknown system: This is a good map design and use of the dialogue prompts. There are a few dialogue spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. I noted items to consider changing:
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are a few.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Unfortunately the warp in feature for ships does not allow you to set only one warp in and therefore they continually repeat the process until the player finishes interaction. You may want to consider just having the ships appear. Also consider having the ships only appear near the planet once the initial interaction finishes.
-Consider changing the ship name "U.S.S.Quantum" to read "U.S.S. Quantum".
Planet's surface: This is a great map design for the facility. The dialogue is good but has spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. I noted items to consider changing:
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are quite a few.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Some of the events do not seem to coincide with dialogue. For example the dialogue when the player meets the security detail does not match. The explosions can be heard but the dialogue is about the object that appeared. There is no mention of the explosions that can be clearly heard until the player tries to scan the object. Perhaps the trigger is set incorrectly to trigger when the player arrives to meet security. The explosions should be triggered when the player goes to scan the object.
Deck Six: This is a good map design with good dialogue but has spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. I noted items to consider changing:
-The access the armory does not seem to add to the story. Consider removing the task.
-If you choose to keep this task consider changing the console interact button from the default "Interact" to read "Access armory". Additionally the console interact does not disappear following completion of this task. If this is a triggered event then consider changing it to either be replaced with the same console or set up an invisible object as the trigger which goes away once the task is completed.
-Consider changing "Armoury" to read "Armory"
-The wall for the armory moves down when the player accesses the console. This implies the replacement wall is not at the same height as the initial wall. Consider checking all objects to ensure they are set appropriately.
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are quite a few.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The vessel attacking and dialogue do not match. These events appear to be out of place in the story. We are attacked the first time and tell the bridge to patch communications from the other ship through but this does not occur until later in the map. Check the sequence of events to ensure everything is occurring as it should in the story.
Unknown system: This is a good map design with a tough but fun battle. There are a few dialogue spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. I noted items to consider changing:
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are a few.
-Consider changing the ship name "U.S.S.Quantum" to read "U.S.S. Quantum".
-The use of the response button "Continue".
Holodeck: This is a good map design with good dialogue but has spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. I noted items to consider changing:
-The spawn point in the Holodeck appears to be a little higher than the surrounding land. When we spawn we drop a few meters to the ground. This appears to be by design because if you are playing on high detail, as I do, you would see the grass sticking up in the Holodeck.
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are quite a few.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
Defera System: This is a good map design with some tough battles. The dialogue is good but has spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. I noted items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the ship name "U.S.S.Quantum" to read "U.S.S. Quantum".
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are quite a few.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
USS Quantum Cargo bay: This is a good map design with some tough battles. The dialogue is good but has spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. I noted items to consider changing:
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are quite a few.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Some of the debris in the passageways blocks the BOFFs from following the player and getting to the battles. Consider moving the debris a little more to make holes the BOFFs can find their way through. The additional security teams are nice but having the BOFFs would be better.
Deck Nine: This is a good map design with good dialogue but has spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. I noted items to consider changing:
-In the dialogue you refer to the Ensign as both her and him. Consider changing the reference to him to her.
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are quite a few.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
Market Place: This is a good map design with good dialogue but has spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. I noted items to consider changing:
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are quite a few.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The interaction with the Alien officer towards the end of the map does not work. When she first addresses the player they are talking to the Ferengi on the other side of the map. Consider changing this interaction to be when the player is on that end of the map but at first the player dismisses it. When the dialogue with the Ferengi is complete you can have one of the BOFFs suggest going back to get the drink. That would make more sense than it is currently set up.
Cargo bay / Briefing room: This is a good map design with good dialogue but has a few spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. I noted items to consider changing:
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are quite a few.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
Cardassian Embassy: This is a nice map design but needs a little more work. Consider using a Cardassian map vice building one from scratch. The dialogue is good but has a few spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. I noted items to consider changing:
-The doors in the embassy do not look right. Consider tightening up the ceilings and floors on the doors or use different doors.
-The crawl space is very tight and I was barely able to get into it. Consider raising the roof a little more. Additionally, I did like the reference to the time Picard was interrogated by the Cardassians.
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are quite a few.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did well in developing this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing the next mission in the series.
Brian
This critique report also filed 11/05/2014 on forum posting for: The Covenant Series
Comments
Thank you for your time. I appreciate the reviews for my two maps thus far. I am working on fixing things. Started with Boot Camp as it will be the easiest to fix. I have made most of the modifications. I do like the idea of adding more friendlies to my "Orbit Around Training Base" map, unfortunately I am not able to as it has too many objects to add more.
I did have a question about your Cryptic Map suggestion. I don't like the need for talking to someone on a Cryptic Map or anything, but I also do not like leaving the player on one of my maps with no logical way to exit. Is there a way to have them beam to ESD at the end of the mission without having them interact with anything else once they are there?
If not, is it considered acceptable to just leave them there on my map with the default beam out option returning them to ESD instead of to space like it seems like it should?
My only other question may require you to remember something you won't after playing so many missions. I have gotten rid of the first two maps as you suggested, but I am thinking of leaving in a quick lap around a building, does that sound ok or still seem too much of a waste of time?
Mission Title: Time's Razor
Author: Captainazzarano
Project ID: ST-HTZ2LKMWJ
Allegiance: Federation
Level: 31+
Description: Struggling against the burden of creating a whole new civilization in the Delta Volanis Cluster, the colonists of Polaris have sent a request for basic provisions and supplies to Starfleet Command. But, when the ship encounters a subspace distortion that throws them back through time and space, they must find a way to try to repair the damage that they've done. Boldly go into the unknown in this episode of Star Trek: Odyssey...
Authors Notes: This episode includes elements of an RPG, an optional Side Quest, and ground battles. If you want to play the side quest, you can get it started by talking to the enlistment officer in the armory of Elysia map. The story contains a classic Trek twist at the end.
Estimated Length: 60-90 minutes depending on Side Quest play/reading time.
Thanks, Evil70th!
Sometimes when we create maps we have to find a tradeoff between details that are nice and objects needed for the story. What this means is we need to weigh the needs of the many obscure details versus the needs of the few details or the one detail that makes the story. In the end only you the author can decide what makes or breaks your story. I and the other players can only make recommendations.
The short answer is no there is no way to do what you describe using ESD or any cryptic map. I have played Cryptic missions where I moved from one system to another cleanly via sector maps so it is possible. At present, using Cryptic maps as a transition between custom maps is not available in the Foundry. Perhaps someday they will add it as a tool in the Foundry.
As I mentioned in my review summary, the dialogue to end the mission could have been handled through a communications console located on the map. The other option would be adding it to the dialogue of at the end of the mission as a communication from the Admiral's assistant. You would then use the shuttle as the end of the mission. It would be a clean ending to the mission.
I would still maintain the first two maps of the mission seemed completely unnecessary to the mission. It did not give me a feeling of being in a boot camp situation. It just seemed to be a waste of time in the mission. The player wants to get into the action, even if it is dialogue and interactions but especially if there is combat. I have mentioned many times before in other reviews, just because you can make 10 custom maps does not mean you should. A good rule of thumb to use is if the custom map adds to the story use it.
Thanks again for authoring,
Brian
Hi Captainazzarano,
Thanks for submitting your mission to the queue for review. Your mission is currently 15th in the queue behind Theatrrap. I will get to your mission as soon as I can.
I appreciate the compliment; my goal is to help authors with constructive help in creating their missions for us to play.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - Sunset Blues
Author: nikkojt
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HD5OM2ZDI
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with nice map designs, tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players although not necessarily on Elite level. Several of the battles were more than a challenge on Normal level. It is a fun combat oriented mission in the series.
The only real issue I had with this mission was the way we just jumped right in and started the mission. There was no real explanation of what we were doing and why. Perhaps this was explained in the previous mission "Lonesome Heart" however you need to cover at least part of the purpose here. It may have been a while since the previous mission was played or the player may not have played it at all. Regardless of the reason it will only help the player enjoy the mission more if there is an explanation of exactly what they are doing in the mission. I usually cover this with an option, following the grant dialogue, for the player to get a recap of the previous mission or skip it if they have recently played that mission. You can make it a "Previously on" type of dialogue.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good start to a description but it needs a little more story. The goal is to draw the player in and make them want to click the 'Hail' button. Consider adding the mission start location to the start location to this description as [MissionInfo] to allow the player to refer back to it if needed. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good mission task but consider adding the start location to the description above as [MissionInfo] so the player can refer back to it if needed. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Bajoran Wormhole: This is a nice map design with several tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Mirror Deep Space 9: This is a nice map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Scan point 2 has optional combat right on top of the enemy. This causes the dialogue to start to open as the fighting starts. Consider moving the optional combat further away or make it a required engagement. The dialogue does not mention the combat at all but it is right on top of the scan point.
Mirror Badlands: This is a good map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Mirror Orias System: This is a good map with several tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding respawn points further into the map. The far battle with Terran forces ends up almost a one on one match because the other forces are mostly destroyed before you can assist them.
ISS Sunset Blues mess deck: This is a nice map design with some tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider making the optional dialogue triggered optional dialogue. This means it will disappear once the player has interacted with it. You can use an invisible object to trigger the dialogue.
-Consider adding a respawn point deeper into the map.
-There is an apparent issue with the BOFFs getting through the last doorway during the battle with some high level enemy. I ended up doing a lot of the fighting myself. I believe the issue is being caused by the Federation doorways you added to the map. Consider removing them, or at least the last one.
Mirror Bajoran Wormhole: This is a nice map with some tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding a respawn point deeper into the map.
USS Jackdaw Recreation Deck: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider making the optional dialogue triggered optional dialogue.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with the development of this mission in the series but consider at least a recap of the previous mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 10/04/2014 on forum posting for: Battle Group Chaos Theory [mission hub thread].
A couple of things-
- Until I fix the doorway issue on the Mess Deck, it should be possible to use boff waypoints to get them through.
- Did the Epechi transport ships in the Mirror Bajoran Wormhole work correctly? I set them up to use a patrol route to move through the wormhole - did they move at an appropriate speed and get to the other side at the right time to not loop back?
- Did the story make sense? I was worried I might have made some leaps that maybe didn't seem right.
There used to be a picture here, but they changed signatures and I can't be bothered to replace it.
I wanted to clear with you whether you mind my quoting and linking to your review in that post.
As always, I am glad I could help. It was an enjoyable mission.
It is possible to use the way points but I would not recommend that while you are engaged in a fire fight. Even if you send you away team through first they will get shot up pretty quickly. Also as I recommended you should add a respawn point closer to that area.
They only went half way through. And following the Romulan engagement they did not appear to move any further through the wormhole. This may be the setting you used for the patrol behavior. Make sure you set the time frame to 100% and max it out at weight 20.
As I mentioned you need a recap at the beginning following the Grant Dialogue. This would help the player understand the mission and your story. The way it is now if there is a gap between when you played the previous mission and now it will not make sense. The same would apply if you did not play the previous mission before this one.
Thanks for authoring
Brian
Hi Elijahthomassto,
Feel free to quote the report in your post and provide a link to my review post as well. I appreciate you asking in advance. I am glad you created a posting for your mission.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
The link looks good but you should be able to link directly to the specific post if desired. You could simply click on the report and then take the address and paste it in like this. That is not required but just a thought.
Thanks for authoring and keep up the great work.
Brian
Federation Mission - Scars of the Pride, Part 3:Toxin
Author: ashkrik23
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HHJLOE5AJ
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission in the series with good map designs, very tough battles and well written story dialogue. Despite the next paragraph regarding the last map battle, I would recommend this mission to all players although not on Elite level. It was tough enough as currently designed on Normal.
I mention the tough nature of several of the battles on your maps below. The nature of your mission and series, along with the story, drew me in from the first mission all the way through this mission. Each enemy mob on the previous maps ranged from medium to tough but in general I felt they were fun to engage. However the nature of the enemy mobs on the last map was not as much a challenge as a distraction from the mission. I do not mind tough battles in missions but when the battles are so tough and you are destroyed over and over again it becomes a grinder mission. That will ultimately make the player lose sight if the mission and the objectives. At that point it is not fun anymore. If you are going to make the player engage the enemy alone then consider spreading the enemy mobs further apart from each other and the spawn\respawn points. This will give the player a chance to engage the enemy using tactics.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description so far. Consider removing the update information in favor of a recap of the mission series to date and changing the start location to [MissionInfo] to the player something to refer back to more easily. You can also change the update information to direct players to your forum posting for the update information. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The initial grant dialogue is well written. The additional information you provide in the grant dialogue should be moved to the description as indicated above or to your forum posting. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Until recently I had recommended the addition of the start location for missions in the initial task. I have since reversed that position in favor of providing that information in the description for the reasons described in my forum posting. I recommend you update your task accordingly and use it for the mission itself as intended. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. The Disclaimer you have in this prompt might be better located in the description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this Prompt.
MAPS:
U.S.S. Simba Security Level: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Sad Report dialogue, consider changing "He has been stable ,but we fear whatever" to read "He has been stable but we fear whatever".
-The BOFF for the transfer dialogue is one of the Ship Tactical Officers but talks as if they are on the away team. Check the BOFF setting to make sure you are using an Away Team BOFF vice a Ship BOFF.
Wamesahau System: This is a good map design with tough optional and required battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Wamesahau Surface: This is a nice map design with several tough optional and required battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Recommend you reduce the fog on this map. It is more annoying than challenging and detracts from mission rather than adding to it. You do not need to get rid of it just tone it down. Consider tying it to the upgrade in the tricorder.
Ferasan Toxin Facility Production Level: This is a nice map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Recommend you reduce the fog on this map. It is more annoying than challenging and detracts from mission rather than adding to it. Again you do not have to get rid of it just tone it down.
Ferasan Toxin Facility Research Level: This is a nice map design with very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Recommend you reduce the fog on this map. It is more annoying than challenging and detracts from mission rather than adding to it. Once again you do not have to get rid of it just tone it down.
-Recommend the use of Optional Triggered dialogue using invisible objects vice the NPC triggered optional dialogue for the dead creatures. One reason is you could label the button "Examine Deceased Elachi" or whatever the creature is. Another reason is you can make the dialogue disappear after the player interacts with it.
-The A Grim Discovery dialogue; consider changing "[OOC]Your officers stay in disbelief at what surrounds you[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Your officers stare in disbelief at what surrounds you[/OOC]"
-The BOFF for the transfer dialogue is one of the Away Team Tactical Officers but talks as if they are on the ship. Check the BOFF setting to make sure you are using a Ship BOFF vice an Away Team BOFF.
Wamesahau System, Ferasan Ambush: This map is a nice design with extremely tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The enemy mobs are extremely if not almost impossible to defeat. It appears that because you place more than one enemy mob so close together and right on top of the player spawn/respawn point the player is going to have to respawn multiple times. Some may consider that a challenge but it is just annoying. Consider spreading the enemy mobs further apart and give the player a chance to engage and use tactics.
-At some point during the battle the I.K.S. Kcalb Motnahp was destroyed. I suspect it is due to the location of the disabled ships and one of the enemy ships exploding.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission and the series. I look forward to playing/reviewing the next mission in the series and more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 10/06/2014 on forum posting for: Ashkrik23's foundry missions.
Federation Mission - Time for Tribble Troubles
Author: jezaleigha
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HUXDG4Y00
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission overall with fun battles and well written story dialogue. With a little polishing it can be a great mission. I would recommend this mission to other players who like short but fun missions as it currently is. Please do not take the following paragraphs as anything more than my suggestions on things I felt you could change to improve the mission.
The very first issue most people do not deal with in these types of missions is when a time traveler goes back in time they would change the timeline and no one would know the difference. The exception to this would be time travelers, temporal agents and certain species. The only other way to avoid this issue is to have the player shielded as demonstrated in the TOS episode "City on the edge of forever" or the TNG movie "First contact". In both those examples the characters who maintained knowledge of their timeline and of the time travelers were both shielded from the changes. The characters involved in those incidents were all shielded from the effect of changes to the timeline by the influence of the device or time travel flux. In your mission I understand you were trying to give the player some action and mission objectives while following the TOS and DS9 stories involving Tribbles. The issues arise from the actual interactions with NPCs from both the TOS and DS9 episodes. For example, it felt odd that Kirk acted as if the player and ship were known in Starfleet. In the DS9 episode they got away with it because of the cloaked ship and no overt contact with the TOS characters. Yes, Captain Sisko interacted with Kirk but only in a passing manner that had no actual affect on the timeline. Therefore it would not be an overt interaction and affect the timeline.
How do you correct this issue? You could redesign the mission start so the player, while on an unrelated mission, is contacted by a temporal agent or other time traveler and brought into a shielded location. From there they are briefed on what is happening with the timeline intervention. This avoids the main issue I address in the previous paragraph. Next you could redesign the initial K-7 orbit map so the player must navigate quietly into the station and covertly enter it. This navigation could be setup in a way that the player has to move to a specific point near the station without being detected by the Enterprise. You could write optional dialogue that comes up if the player is discovered by the Enterprise while maneuvering into position. The dialogue would be a simple call from the Enterprise to the unidentified ship. The dialogue would then have the player identify themselves as a merchant vessel or something along those lines. Obviously players with cloaking devices would have an advantage and others would simply have to take a long way around to avoid being detected. Once on the station the player could intercede only in the events that were not from the timeline. You can add them stopping an enemy interference with the DS9 team locating the bomb and so on. The combat with Karwen Darvin would be moved to an obscure location of the station away from the NPCs for that timeline.
To fix the specific K-7 orbit maps issue I mention below consider redesigning both maps as blank maps that you add the planet, K-7 and other elements. With this type of design you have options that would work much better. You could have a temporal agent or time traveler mentioned above meet the player while in space. They shield the player and then explain what is happening to the timeline. The agent or time traveler then briefs the player on what they must do to reset the timeline. The agent opens a time portal and the player travel through it. At that point you make the planet, K-7 and other objects appear. The player maneuvers into the station as I indicated above. On the way out they maneuver to a remote location away from the station and planet then initiate the portal. When they pass through it you trigger the planet, K-7 and other objects to disappear. The agent or time traveler then tells the player they have successfully restored the timeline to its original flow. At that point you can end the mission and you do not need the final map.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding [MissionInfo] "Travel to K-7 sector space". This will give the player the ability to refer back to the start location more easily if needed.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue; however consider removing the reference to "The Trouble with Tribbles" and Trials and Tribble-ations". Both of those are titles to episodes on TOS and DS9 respectively. They are fine in the description so the player has the context of the mission but do not work in the grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good use of the initial task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
K-7 orbit: This is a good map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-You have a couple of freighters with the default labels "Generic Freighter Medium" that looks odd. Consider giving them actual names vice the default names.
-The Captain Kirk outfit is close but the actual uniform shirt should be available in the costumes. Consider changing it to that uniform shirt.
-It felt odd that Kirk acted as if I were a known Starfleet Captain and ship. Consider changing the map so the player covertly beams aboard the station without interacting with the Enterprise or Kirk. The combat over the freighter is okay and I know what your goal in the story was for that but you may want to reconsider it. I will note the time travel paradoxes on each map and cover it in my summary above.
Deep Space K-7: This is a nice map design with some fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Time travel paradox to be covered in the summary.
-Consider redesigning Lieutenant Uhura's character to remove the ear piece. The communication ear piece would be worn at her station on the bridge but not on shore leave or liberty.
-If you are going to keep the interaction with the TOS characters you should have the player move away from Kirk and the other TOS characters to discuss the bomb.
-The use of the response button "Continue" in the dialogue where the player is listening. Consider changing it to " " vice "Continue".
-The background NPCs continually to say the display dialogue. For example one NPC says "Welcome to Deep Space K-7" over and over again. The previous statement is still visible when they repeat it again. Consider resetting the repeat level of this line to something less repetitious.
-The combat with Karwen Darvin should be in an obscure location of the station away from the NPCs for the original timeline.
K-7 orbit#2: This is a nice map with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Time travel paradox to be covered in the summary.
-If you feel the battle is necessary then consider having the player maneuver to time travel when they are attacked. Having the battle right next to Deep Space K-7 seems odd and would be a paradox in the timeline.
-If the battle remains consider having the player maneuver away from Deep Space K-7 before time traveling.
25th century space: This map has a single dialogue box that ends the mission. If it were not for this being the end of the mission it would be an unnecessary map transfer. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I will cover a suggested fix in the summary above.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 10/07/2014 on forum posting for: [URL=" http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?t=1132391"]Time for Tribble Troubles[/URL].
Author: @helixfungus
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance:Federation
Project ID: ST-HERZBK76Z
Estimated Mission Length: 30 to 40 mins
In this mission you help the USS Constitution, a fed ship with a full Caitian compliment on board, to survive a major crisis menacing the Caitian homeworld... this is in part a reboot of The Motion Picture, only with Caitians as protagonists... but there is more, a side story on a Founder rogue shapeshfter that is harassing this crew for a very good reason...
Part 2 of 2 resolve this subplot for good ...
Author: @helixfungus
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation/
Project ID: ST-HJLTFLCAY
Estimated Mission Length: 30 to 40 mins
After saving Caitian homeworld, a vile vengeance plan to discredit Caitian Admiral Bim Chip takes place. Only you, as his battle companion during first part, can shed positive light in front of Caitian justice... and maybe put an end to Rodo's evil doing in the Alpha Quadrant...
Hi helixfungus,
Welcome to the queue. This mission is 13th in the queue behind Captainazzarano. I will review this mission as soon as I can.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Hello again helixfungus,
This mission is 14th in the queue behind your part 1 of this mission series. I will get to this mission as soon as I can.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
One of the first issues most authors do not deal with is the changing of the timeline. Now if it is the player traveling back in time then you would affect the timeline but can also ensure it is preserved. When an adversary travels back in and alters history no one in the current timeline would know the difference. The exception to this would be time travelers, temporal agents and certain species. Without the aid of those types of beings the only other way to avoid this issue is to have the player shielded from the changes in the timeline. This can best be demonstrated in the TOS episode "City on the edge of forever" or the TNG movie "First contact". In both those examples the characters who maintained knowledge of their timeline and therefore the ability to repair it were shielded from the changes. In the case of the "City on the edge of forever" they were shielded by the emanations from the device on the planet when Doctor McCoy went through. In "First contact" they were caught in the temporal flux of the Borg time portal they created. Deep Space Nine also did an episode where the crew traveled back in time to stop a plot to change the outcome of the mission in the "Trouble with Tribbles" episode. In the DS9 episode they got away with it because of the cloaked ship and no overt contact with the TOS characters. Yes, Captain Sisko interacted with Kirk but only in a passing manner that had no actual affect on the timeline. Therefore it would not be an overt interaction and affect the timeline.
How do avoid these issues? Your mission could start with either a player being intercepted by a time traveler, a species who can detect these changes, temporal agent or a device similar to the Guardian in the TOS "City on the edge of forever" episode. This individual or device shields the player from, either deliberate or accidental, changes to the timeline. From here the player can be briefed or decide as part of the story on how to address the changes made in the timeline from this point. The time paradoxes mentioned at the beginning of this post would be mitigated by this process in the story. How you address the mitigation is your choice but remember the player should not directly interact with people in the original timeline without addressing the concerns of altering the past. The way around this would to write the story so the player was actually part of the historical events that occurred.
That should cover most aspects of time travel missions you create within the Foundry. If you have any questions please let me know and we can discuss them.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
(AKA: Evil70th)
Thank you sir. I do my best.
Federation Mission - Timeless
Author: wildkazoo
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPX4833Z6
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission with good map designs, fun; story oriented combat and excellent story dialogue. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players who enjoy a good story driven mission.
The recommendation to remove the first map and modify the Mission Entry Prompt is based on the fact that there are no real story elements that are supported by the map. In short it does not serve a purpose in the story. I understand that authors occasionally feel the need to provide some sort of transition between maps in the story but that transition should support the story in some way. A map that you enter, receive initial dialogue, cross the map and then transfer to the next just does not serve that purpose. I hope that clears up any questions or concerns regarding this recommendation.
Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding the mission start location for the first custom map. The mission description is easily reviewable by a player at anytime during the mission. This will help them find the start location and free up your initial task for use in the mission itself. Yes this is a change in my normal review policy on this issue.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The initial grant and follow on dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good use of the initial task. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task. I have recently changed my review policy regarding the placement of the start location for the first custom map. There is nothing wrong with having it in the initial task however I now recommend placement of the location in the description which is reviewable by the player at anytime during the mission. This would free up the initial task to be used for mission oriented information or tasking.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt; however based on my recommendation for the first map I recommend you rewrite this as indicated on that map.
MAPS:
Celes System: This is a nice map but having this map does not really serve any purpose in the mission. Specifically I recommend you remove this map and rewrite the Mission Entry Prompt to have the player beam directly to the U.S.S. Arpasia.
U.S.S. Arpasia: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Based on my previous recommendation for the Celes System map and Mission Entry Prompt consider making this your first custom map of the mission.
-The Admiral Boatwright dialogue; consider changing "You partinered with it" to read "You partnered with it".
- Since we entered the map at the transporter pad we should depart from there. Consider changing the map departure point to be from the transporter pad vice anywhere on the map.
Maro VII: This is a good map design with some balanced battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
U.S.S. Lahan: This is a good map design and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Maro III: This is a good map design with some balanced battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Ferengi ship "Almighty Latinum" has Photonic Galor ships assisting it in battle. I imagine this is due to the Ferengi skin being placed on a Cardassian ship. Based on one of the battles on the Maro VII map with a Cardassian ship was that ship also supposed to be a Ferengi ship? I ask because this all seems inconsistent. If it is intended then you need to reexamine the Ferengi ship on this map and make sure what enemy unit you are using with the Ferengi skin.
U.S.S. Farnsworth: This is a good map design with balanced battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
U.S.S. Arpasia: This is a good map with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 10/10/2014 on forum posting for: New Mission: "Timeless"
Federation Mission - Epohh's Day
Author: voporak
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HNKYLG4DB
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with several challenging battles, both optional and required. The story dialogue is well written and you did a good job taking the premise of a movie and updating it to a STO mission. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players although not on Elite level as it was enough of a challenge on Normal.
Below I mention the use of lower case when referring to the rank. This is okay for mentioning a specific rank such as captain or admiral but when addressing or referring to a specific person the capitalized form should be used. For example you would write the following, Captain Johnson or Admiral Taev. I base this on my own military background of 24 years in the U.S. Navy. Below I mention referring to a race or civilization such as Eppohh or Romulan and the use of capitalization in those cases. In your own dialogue you switched between the two uses even in the same dialogue. Sometimes it takes and outside set of eyes to catch these issues and that is part of what I do with these reviews.
Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good and simple description for the story. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding the start location for your first custom map to the description to make it easier for the player to find it.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
New Romulus: This is a good map design with challenging but fun optional combat and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "I found that thrilling, captain" to read "I found that thrilling, Captain".
New Romulus: This is a good map design with challenging but fun optional combat and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Are you alright, captain" to read "Are you alright, Captain".
-Consider changing "I found that thrilling, captain" to read "I found that thrilling, Captain". I will cover the use of rank in my summary above.
-Consider changing "[OOC]You point to a creepy looking romulan by the east building[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]You point to a creepy looking Romulan by the east building[/OOC]"
New Romulus: This is a good map design with challenging but fun optional combat and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
New Romulus: This is a good map design with challenging but fun optional combat and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Umm captain" to read "Umm Captain".
New Romulus: This is a good map design with challenging but fun combat and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Are you saying that epohhs placed the mine" to read "Are you saying that Epohhs placed the mine".
New Romulus: This is a good map design with challenging but fun combat and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "why you have epohhs digging" to read "why you have Epohhs digging ".
Mol'Rihan System: This is a good map design with very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The reason the Romulan reveals the plot felt too easy and rushed. Consider moving this to the end of the previous map. The player can discover a data chip or other device. Then confront the Eppoh lady at the beginning of this map and she explains the time loop.
-Consider changing "Using my epohhs" to read "Using my Epohhs"
-Consider changing "The epohhs would have had" to read "The Epohhs would have had"
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 11/04/2014 on forum posting for: Voporak's Foundry Missions
What's the current queue?
Mission 1: The Covenant part 1 Author: Logitech007
Mission 2: The Covenant part 2 Author: Logitech007
Mission 3: The Forgotten Battle Author: voporak
Mission 4: Imperfection Author: voporak
Mission 5: Explore Delta Volanis 4171C Author: rekurzion
Mission 6: Federation Spies Author: Mignarde
Mission 7: Scars of the Pride, Part 4: Evolution of Evil Author: ashkrik23
Mission 8: Beckon Me Unto Beacons Author: velocitore
Mission 9: The Haunting Returns Author: Theatrrap
Mission 10: Time's Razor Author: Captainazzarano
Mission 11: The Caitian Gambit part 1 of 1 Author: helixfungus
Mission 12: The Caitian Gambit part 2 of 2 Author: helixfungus
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "Submit for review" for details on what I need you to submit your mission.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Glad I could help and thanks for authoring. Keep up the good work.
Brian
Title: Attumar: First Contact
Author: Lordarathron
Allegiance: Federation
Any Level (Technically, but it is located at the Mutara Nebula, so you must be able to travel to the Gamma Orionis Sector Block)
Hi Lordarathron,
Welcome to the queue. Your mission is currently 12th in the queue behind helixfungus. I will review your mission as soon as I can.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - The Covenant part 1
Author: Logitech007
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-ST-HUCUI6DUA
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with a nice mix of tough but fun battles and story dialogue. There are some spelling, syntax and grammatical errors in the dialogue but I would still recommend the story to other players.
The spelling, syntax and grammatical errors need work but more importantly are the issues with plot dialogue. Specifically there are a few places were the dialogue seems to assume the player knows something that has not yet been revealed. In other cases the dialogue does not seem to acknowledge events that have taken place on the map. When you add this to the spelling, syntax and grammatical errors it can make the player feel like the plot makes no sense. I would suggest a good read through of the entire dialogue and see how it fits with the map interactions and events. The story overall is good but just needs a little polishing to make it a great story.
I mention the use of "Continue" as a response button. When using this in conjunction with [OOC] dialogue, meant to represent the players response, it works better to end the response with the last sentence in the response button field vice "Continue". Another thing to consider is the use of "Alright" as a response to most dialogue directed at a superior officer seems a little too unprofessional. Consider changing those responses to something more appropriate to the preceding dialogue. One more item to consider changing is the use of [Rank] in the dialogue. It can work well in many different ways but can also be over used. Especially if used by an NPC who is in a position of seniority despite the rank of the player. For this I would suggest using "Captain" in place of [Rank]. I feel it works better in the flow of the dialogue no matter the rank of the individual in the dialogue. Captain is a position as well as a rank. Those in command of vessels may be lieutenant or admiral but they are still the captain of the vessel.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "U.S.S.Quantum" to read "U.S.S. Quantum".
-Consider changing the "Start Location" to [MissionInfo] so that it stands out from the rest of the text.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is the same dialogue from the description. Consider rewriting this dialogue to draw the player in and make them want to click 'Accept'. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "U.S.S.Quantum" to read "U.S.S. Quantum".
Mission Task: This is a good use of the initial task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Sir, the U.S.S.Quantum has signaled" to read "Captain, the U.S.S. Quantum has signaled".
MAPS:
U.S.S.Quantum: This is a good map design and use of the dialogue prompts. There are quite a few dialogue spelling, syntax and grammatical errors noted below. I noted several items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the current map name "U.S.S.Quantum" to read "U.S.S. Quantum"
-The Commander William Boone dialogue; consider changing "she is just in her ready room" to read "she is in her ready room".
-Consider changing the response button "Alright" to read "Thank you Commander". This would be a more appropriate.
-Consider changing "[OOC]been on the U.S.S.Quantum[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]been on the U.S.S. Quantum[/OOC]".
-Consider changing the response button "Nope" to read "No I have not". This would be a more appropriate.
-Consider removing the response button "Alright" and leaving just the "Thank you, Commander".
-The [OOC] dialogue following the introduction to Admiral Mauel Rodessa needs to be rewritten. There are no spelling errors and I understand the general direction you want to go with it but the sentence structure for the entire dialogue does not read correctly. Consider rewriting this dialogue.
-The use of the response button "Continue" which is the default when nothing is entered for the button. Consider replacing it with " " or when used in conjunction with [OOC] dialogue put the last line of the dialogue in the response button.
-Consider changing "[OOC]But if you will correct me[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Correct me if I am wrong[/OOC]".
-The Admiral Mauel Rodessa dialogue; consider changing "Not too many people know this but the location and the date in which this summit has been determined but it is highly classified for obvious reasons" to read "This is highly classified but the date, time and location of the summit have already been set".
-Consider changing the entire dialogue that starts with "[Rank], I did some checking" to read "Captain, I have thoroughly checked your background and all of my sources indicate you are the right person for this job".
-Consider changing the response button starting with "Hahaha" to read "Thank you Admiral".
-Consider changing "Haha, I do, [Rank]" to read "I trust you with the safety and security of this summit".
-Consider changing the response button "Who can I expected to attend this summit" to read "What delegations will be attending".
-Consider changing the entire dialogue that begins with "Obvious a couple of our Ambassadors" to read "In addition to our ambassadors from Vulcan there will be ambassadors from the Klingon Empire, which will include Ferasan, Gorn, Orion and Nausicaan. Also the Romulan Republic, Cardassian Union, Breen Confederacy, Ferengi Alliance, as well as delegations from the Dominion, Reman and Deferi".
-Consider removing the sentence "[OOC]All those Ambassadors in one room[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "It was super difficult to get some to most to be in the same room" to read "It was not easy to get most of them in the same room".
-Consider changing "So I need you to provide security for this summit. To make sure nothing happens while we are all there" to read "I need you to provide security at the summit to ensure the safety of all the delegations".
-Consider changing the response button "I understood. Anything else i should know about" to read "I understand. Is there anything else?"
-Consider changing "[Rank], Also, Be careful and be on the lookouts for the Covenant" to read "There is a group known only as the Covenant that may pose a threat to the summit".
-Consider changing "The Covenant is a terrorist cult group that is responsible for attacks, bombings and kidnappings on countless number of vessels and facilities over the past few years" to read "They are a terrorist group that is responsible for several attacks on vessels and facilities across the Federation".
-Consider changing "[Rank],we have tried on several attempts to capture a member of this group but the attempts have failed" to read "Captain, all our attempts to capture members of this group alive have failed".
-Consider changing "We have no idea where this organization's headquarters are or who is all in it, which makes them the most dangerous of them all" to read "We have no idea who is in the organization or where their headquarters is located".
-Consider changing the response button "And you think, this organization will attempt something at the summit" to read "So you think these terrorists will try to disrupt the summit".
-In the next dialogue Admiral Mauel Rodessa does not answer the question from the player response in the previous dialogue. Consider adding "It is possible so we cannot take any chances" to the dialogue.
-Consider changing "I want you to read up on the Ambassadors that are coming to get the inside track on them, if something happens" to read "Intelligence has gathered information on the delegates attending the summit. I want you to review that information and be familiar with each of them. You may use the console directly behind you".
-Consider changing the response button "Alright. Where can I do this from" to read "Yes Admiral".
-If you implement the previous suggested changes then delete the next dialogue starting with "You may use the console".
-For the console, remove the puzzle, it serves no purpose to the story. Consider replacing it with dialogue as follows, "Identify for access to classified files. [OOC][Rank], [LastName], commanding officer [ShipName]". Then add the response button "Request access to files".
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Acress Granted[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Access granted[/MissionInfo]".
-Consider adding information for all ambassadors vice "[MissionInfo]Information unknown[/MissionInfo]". Starfleet intelligence should have something on each ambassador even if it is not a complete dossier.
-The Admiral Mauel Rodessa dialogue; consider changing "[Rank], did you get all the information" to read "Have you finished the review of the files".
-Consider changing the response button "I did look at all the information that we had, which was not to much but i did read the information" to read "I have reviewed the information but some information did not appear to be available".
-Consider changing "I know that. We were unable to attain any further information on any of the other Ambassadors" to read "Unfortunately it was the best information our intelligence assets could obtain".
-Consider changing the response button "So where is this location in which this summit is going to be held" to read "Where is the summit going to be held".
-Consider changing the entire dialogue starting with "Starfleet Command has picked the [MissionInfo]Raveh Sector of the Orellius Sector block.[/MissionInfo]" to read "Starfleet command has detected a previously undetected planetary system in the Raveh sector of the Orellius sector block. They consider this location to be secure enough for the summit".
-Consider changing "This planet is Class-M and it has never been charted and it is one Starfleet just located" to read "The system has a class M planet that is previously uncharted".
-The Admiral Mauel Rodessa dialogue starting with "I have four more Federation starships there or in orbit of this planet to aid you and your mission" needs to be rewritten. There are no spelling errors but the sentence structure for the entire dialogue does not read correctly. Consider rewriting this dialogue.
-Consider changing the response button "Ok. Have we pass these guidelines onto the rest of the other players" to read "Have the other delegations received these guidelines and acknowledged them".
-Due to the volume of spelling, syntax and grammatical errors I will only note maps with these issues and not the specific issue. It will be up to you to review the dialogue on those maps.
Unknown system: This is a good map design and use of the dialogue prompts. There are a few dialogue spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. I noted items to consider changing:
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are a few.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Unfortunately the warp in feature for ships does not allow you to set only one warp in and therefore they continually repeat the process until the player finishes interaction. You may want to consider just having the ships appear. Also consider having the ships only appear near the planet once the initial interaction finishes.
-Consider changing the ship name "U.S.S.Quantum" to read "U.S.S. Quantum".
Planet's surface: This is a great map design for the facility. The dialogue is good but has spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. I noted items to consider changing:
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are quite a few.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Some of the events do not seem to coincide with dialogue. For example the dialogue when the player meets the security detail does not match. The explosions can be heard but the dialogue is about the object that appeared. There is no mention of the explosions that can be clearly heard until the player tries to scan the object. Perhaps the trigger is set incorrectly to trigger when the player arrives to meet security. The explosions should be triggered when the player goes to scan the object.
Deck Six: This is a good map design with good dialogue but has spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. I noted items to consider changing:
-The access the armory does not seem to add to the story. Consider removing the task.
-If you choose to keep this task consider changing the console interact button from the default "Interact" to read "Access armory". Additionally the console interact does not disappear following completion of this task. If this is a triggered event then consider changing it to either be replaced with the same console or set up an invisible object as the trigger which goes away once the task is completed.
-Consider changing "Armoury" to read "Armory"
-The wall for the armory moves down when the player accesses the console. This implies the replacement wall is not at the same height as the initial wall. Consider checking all objects to ensure they are set appropriately.
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are quite a few.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The vessel attacking and dialogue do not match. These events appear to be out of place in the story. We are attacked the first time and tell the bridge to patch communications from the other ship through but this does not occur until later in the map. Check the sequence of events to ensure everything is occurring as it should in the story.
Unknown system: This is a good map design with a tough but fun battle. There are a few dialogue spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. I noted items to consider changing:
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are a few.
-Consider changing the ship name "U.S.S.Quantum" to read "U.S.S. Quantum".
-The use of the response button "Continue".
Holodeck: This is a good map design with good dialogue but has spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. I noted items to consider changing:
-The spawn point in the Holodeck appears to be a little higher than the surrounding land. When we spawn we drop a few meters to the ground. This appears to be by design because if you are playing on high detail, as I do, you would see the grass sticking up in the Holodeck.
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are quite a few.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
Defera System: This is a good map design with some tough battles. The dialogue is good but has spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. I noted items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the ship name "U.S.S.Quantum" to read "U.S.S. Quantum".
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are quite a few.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
USS Quantum Cargo bay: This is a good map design with some tough battles. The dialogue is good but has spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. I noted items to consider changing:
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are quite a few.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Some of the debris in the passageways blocks the BOFFs from following the player and getting to the battles. Consider moving the debris a little more to make holes the BOFFs can find their way through. The additional security teams are nice but having the BOFFs would be better.
Deck Nine: This is a good map design with good dialogue but has spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. I noted items to consider changing:
-In the dialogue you refer to the Ensign as both her and him. Consider changing the reference to him to her.
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are quite a few.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
Market Place: This is a good map design with good dialogue but has spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. I noted items to consider changing:
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are quite a few.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The interaction with the Alien officer towards the end of the map does not work. When she first addresses the player they are talking to the Ferengi on the other side of the map. Consider changing this interaction to be when the player is on that end of the map but at first the player dismisses it. When the dialogue with the Ferengi is complete you can have one of the BOFFs suggest going back to get the drink. That would make more sense than it is currently set up.
Cargo bay / Briefing room: This is a good map design with good dialogue but has a few spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. I noted items to consider changing:
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are quite a few.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
Cardassian Embassy: This is a nice map design but needs a little more work. Consider using a Cardassian map vice building one from scratch. The dialogue is good but has a few spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. I noted items to consider changing:
-The doors in the embassy do not look right. Consider tightening up the ceilings and floors on the doors or use different doors.
-The crawl space is very tight and I was barely able to get into it. Consider raising the roof a little more. Additionally, I did like the reference to the time Picard was interrogated by the Cardassians.
-Consider checking the dialogue on this map for spelling, syntax and grammatical errors. There are quite a few.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did well in developing this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing the next mission in the series.
Brian
This critique report also filed 11/05/2014 on forum posting for: The Covenant Series