First off, I appreciate everything you've said and want to thank you for not only playing it but giving such a detailed review.
Being my first foundry there are a lot of things I'd do differently knowing what I know now... such as, for me, writing all dialogue in word and pasting it into the foundry. (A spell checker would be AWESOME!). I type fast but tend to get a little dyslexic if not paying incredibly close attention. I noticed the [Cadet] typo and SCOURED for it, but couldn?t find it so assumed it was just a glitch in the foundry play through, but apparently not.
I had fun with The Pride but agree with you 100% to add more crates.
I may go in and remove this one from publication until I can clean it up a little.. it shouldn?t take too long.
Again, thank for your feedback!
Yeah, I went through many drafts and having friends play it a few times before I even posted it on here. Even then I had some problems to fix. If you do pull it and revamp it a bit, make sure to post when it's back up. I'd live to give it another go.
honestly im used to no failure point in STO so I'd probably get annoyed, even though it would make things more interesting. I think most ppl would feel the same way, its just how the game works. It'll also depend how early into the mission this happens, if its in the beginning its not to big deal to start again (beam up re-enter map) but if its after 30-45 minutes play time I don't know if I'd go back in
PS Don't be afraid to make your own thread! Lets keep this one for reviews. Thx
It's relatively in the beginning... not imedidatley tho... I don't know... I'll mull it over a bit.
As for making my own thread - understood! If you like, you can go back and remove/delete my OT posts.
What's the general consensus on allowing players to actually fail a foundry mission?
Considering it isn't physically possible to write a mission that can be failed? You tell me.
Non-silly answer: The Foundry doesn't feature code that allows you to fail an entire mission. However, it is possible to set it up so that failing a puzzle within a map causes something bad to happen within that map, and maybe even ask the player to remember their choice and pick an input. For the first half of that sentence, I point you to "No Prize for Second Contact", I think part two, which has a hostage situation that you can resolve either by talking down the hostage takers, or by blasting them (in which case I'm pretty sure some of the hostages get killed in the crossfire). For the second part, "The Interwarp Experiment", which asks the player to choose between two types of past relationship with an NPC and continue using that one throughout the mission.
"Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
— Sabaton, "Great War"
I have seen the 'failure' option given at the end of certian dialogue choices... I am under the assumption that once you receive that failure that you will have to restart the misison. I could be wrong.
I wish there was an option to force the map to reset and the player to reappear at the spawn point as if nothing had happened...
Map 1: Drozana VII Space
I assume you wanted the interact objects to be named "Interact: blahblah". Noting it anyways.
When I "Warped out" from the big melee i was no where near the warp streaks lol
I'm aware of this issue; the stars aren't appearing where I put them, but a few km away.
Map 2: Nimbus III Surface
After I went to the first source of phase variance I had the wrong boff show up telling me it's moved. It's labeleld Science Officer but I had another one show up instead.
This is a documented issue on Cryptic's end, and apparently not limited to Foundry missions.
Map 4: Sweet map
NOTE: I'm playing with a FED character. The next 4 issues may not matter for a Romulan.
Scan building (south) brings upa KDF tricorder
Scan building (west) brings up a KDF tricorder
Scan crates (west) brings up a KDF tricorder
Scan builidng north brings up KDF tricorder
Pretend to inspect crate
Thanks; I'll fix these. The problem is that in the editor, both relevant options are simply labeled "Tricorder Scan" so there's no way to tell them apart.
Map 6: Mol' Rihan Space
This is a really quick map, chatw ith D'Tan adn the Fed ship and map transition. Could you have snuck it into Map 5 via warping triggers and effects??
Afraid not; the maps use different backdrop effects which are not triggerable. In any case, Map 6 is (hopefully) only a temporary workaround until we get the actual New Romulus space map (baked-in backdrop effects and all) in the Foundry.
Map 8: Mol'Rihan Space
Significant background clipping, not sure waht you can do about it other than change the backdrops
Really fun/interesting investigation (or whatver you wanna call it)
Again, this is only meant to be a temporary map. If/when we get the actual New Romulus maps in the Foundry, Maps 6 and 8 will be rebuilt using the space map, and Map 7 will be relocated to the Command Center interior map.
First I'd like to say that it was quite interesting seeing a literary-style mission being written. Often times it felt like I was reading a short story/semi-novel. I'm assuming this was the intent and that was well received. My review will be the bad, the good, the funny in no particular order:
I will first outline what I was able to catch while playing..
DS9 Meetup:
Admiral Marconi:
Since you are using a written-literature style, there is a quotation mark missing when Marconi says "..wondering what that was about.(") when choosing the "Only what I've read in the intel digests." selection choice.
(This might be a foundry limitation but Marconi kept blinking in and out of existence making me restart the conversation. Then again, I was proofreading so I may have taken longer than the average player)
Excellent work portraying Marconi's character with the risky use of a flask.
Malon System:
I thought it was hilarious you had the BOFF panel say "..start in one minute." Nice quip at the loading time.
When questioning the Breen warship about having clearance to be on the Fed side of the border, the continuing paragraph states "The document is basic (a) diplomatic boilerplate, stating.."
Malon II battle scene:
When the transmission ends with the saved freighter captain the impulse-away animation has the freighter plow into the planet.
Dreon VII village:
I wasn't sure why the village built a building into a rock on the first-left building upon entering (Or why a tree was growing out of the opposing side).
There was a small modular building that was set to relative to terrain(Maybe?) but one side was floating off the ground.
Captain Jerek meetup scene:
You describe the contact even though we can see her already. The other issue is that when identifying yourself it reads your name twice with the wrong rank: "Captain([Rank]) name, name again of the Federation.." Additionally, as far as I'm aware, Federation officers don't carry badges so I'm unsure as to what was being slid under the door. Wouldn't they have a Bajoran-friendly authentication code instead?
When mentioning that it's over, she lists why it isn't. At the end there is a comma in the last sentence before using the word "and" which negates the comma's need.
When asking why they didn't kill Jerek, there is another comma before the word and is used in the third sentence.
The fourth and fifth sentence should be joined at "continues, "Seven.." and there is another comma before the word and is used but you'd want to segregate the speech flow to include a second sentence to prevent the run-on. The last sentence has a comma before the word "but" is used as well.
"Why does Admiral Kree want me?" - another comma before the word and is used.
When beaming out the transition tab you have says "Beam out and warp to the rendesvous.." should be "rendezvous."
USS Marduk:
Another comma before the use of the word and in one of the initial panels.
On a corresponding panel there is a spelling of "I'd've." Maybe I'd have?
Personal records console has "Interact" as the default still in the trigger info. At first I had no idea what it was.
Admiral Amnell Kree (For your consideration only). The USS Enterprise unwittingly rescued 21st century passengers in which one cryogenic corpse was labeled as "homemaker". This confused Data and thought the person may have made houses for a living.
(For your consideration only)On the third continued page, I'm not sure why a falling out with Admiral Riker is outlined as readily available record keeping. Usually issues like that are condensed into a generic denotion to prevent speculation within ranks.
When speaking with Agent Grell, I got a little uncomfortable as to why a Section 31 agent was telling me he was a spy. Did I miss a dialogue panel that provided my character preperation for a discreet explanation for Section 31 dealings?
In one of the panels, there's a term "There've".. There have perhaps?
During the conference I believe Admiral Ammell refers to my character as "Captain"
"Let me guess: that's our target." another comma before the word 'and' is used. "..warp in, activate it(,) and proceed.."
Ultima Thule Cort Cloud:
Thank you for putting in yellow alert realism. I think a lot of authors miss that aspect of commanding a ship and you've done it throughout this mission. I salute you on that.
"We can't let them give an alarm. Options?" There's a response option that reads, "If that makes sense to you, Science, that's good enough for me." The second option has the same "Science" reference.
When destroying the patrol, the Tactical Officer panel reads, "..sensors back as well. Nicely done, Science, but.." Same 'science' issue and a comma before the word but. Just a perspective here but my character saying freaking?
The corresponding panel has another missing quotation mark in the first paragraph but since I clicked out of it, I couldn't verify. I may be wrong.
When cracking the Orion gate, my BOFF says "For the love of Pete!" and as you can imagine, an earth-based and religious non-secular colloquialism?
When the Admiral chimes in to suggest a working tactic, there's another reference in the response as "Maybe next time, Science. ..."
The damaged Slavemaster Battleship appears to be dislocated from docking. It's pretty awesome that you have one docked though!
Asteroid base:
There's a term used in a response option, "Back to the mothership" Was that intentional or maybe an overlooked first draft?
Excellent tech used to insinuate the docking area being blown away.
Thank you for keeping this particular ground element alive by adding in the camera shakes.
At first I became frustrated at the notion of leaving captives behind. I naturally went to the right after the first corridor element and found a fed captive calling for help but it wouldn't let me rescue the officer. I backtracked and went forward but I couldn't rescue the alien hostages either. It wasn't until much later that I found out that those were apart of the mission, however, it made me feel as though I wasn't doing my starfleet duty.
Really cool pseudo hostage scene with the Orian undercover operative! It looked very convincing. Yet, here again she's referencing something as though there's some kind of badge credential Starfleet doesn't carry. I got confused.
Agent Grell refers to me as "Captain" again.
I didn't understand why my bridge officers were so racially negative. They kept calling the Orions "idiots" throughout the entire mission. As a Fed officer, tolerance is an importance stressed from training so that kind of made me hope I didn't have to read that again at this point.
Unfortunately I ended up feeling unecessarily put to labor by going back and forth throughout the station. Naturally I'd think we'd be saving hostages along the way? The drops you made on helping estranged lovers/wives/nurses was great. I just feel as though I should have kept hope alive while fighting the Orion confrontations. A little spice with dashes of sugar along the way.
The Cardassian captive calls my character "Captain."
At one point my character is called "Skipper".. Is there a reason for that? It made me start remembering Gilligan's Isle.
Overall Synopsis:
Great mission! I hope you appreciate the eye for detail as I feel this mission deserves to rise into the top 50 with perhaps some tinkering with the aforementioned. It's obvious you have the ability to write a novel for Star Trek if you put yourself up to it. I'd certainly read it!
If you end up playing my mission, Amicus Apparatus, anything you could catch in grammar or spelling would be amazing and appreciated!
Great mission with Great map design (Space and Ground), fun and balanced combat and a great story. It was also very polishsed I only found 1 "mistake" and 1 buggy section. I felt it was a bit long although I was distracted by other things. It took me about 1.5hours minimum. There's a few nitpicky things regarding Station Azure 9 including some really bad boff pathing. I know there's nothing you can do about it but it's still very distracting as a player. Still 5/5
Details
Map 1 (forgot to write name down)
Nice space map
Map - Station Azure 9
Ack the drop from the transporter room to "ground level" gave me a scare it looked like I was falling!
Nice looking map but two things
1: Very few people (but could be due to the skeleton crew aspect the transporter chief told me about)
2: Not much ground "Decoration". Road, floor, buildings and some structures
Still it's an awesome map
No titles in the dialogue boxes (I don't care about this myself but just pointing it out)
-Now inside the base-
I wonder if the "check out the base" could have worked better as a "COmplete All" objective
hehhe pewpew go drones
significant boff pathing issues which cause trouble when fighting started
Map - Abraxas III
Cool cave village, almost exactly what i'd imagine if you put "refugee town inside a cave"
Well I didn't expect that turn of events
Map Abraxas System #2
When talking about strategy generate an EM pulse to jam the Borg's "com" signal (comm would be the correct spelling i believe)
Scan the disabled borg ships detail object not named (Sphere - 02 or something like that)
Map - Station Azure 9 #2
Hardcore Parkour
I love it when people make maps like this, I've only seen a few where it's been done well (this one included now)
Speak with the Nurse objective kinda came out of nowhere? (unless I missed something in the dialgoue)
Nurse was super tiny!
Map - Facility One
Sweet looking borg room
Had "Com" instead of "Comm" several times
significant boff pathing issues which cause trouble when fighting started
I've already responded to this in evil70th's review. I actually do have some ideas on how to make it better. It's going to be a huge project though so I've been putting it off.
When talking about strategy generate an EM pulse to jam the Borg's "com" signal (comm would be the correct spelling i believe)
Scan the disabled borg ships detail object not named (Sphere - 02 or something like that)
Thanks. I'll check out that sphere and fix it.
"Com" vs "Comm" - both are probably ok but you're right... "Comm" would be the more common abbreviation.
Speak with the Nurse objective kinda came out of nowhere? (unless I missed something in the dialgoue)
Nurse was super tiny!
You talked to her in the Ops Center on map 2. She hinted at what she later explains in that dialogue you mentioned. And yes... she is short. And has pink hair!
Her true purpose is to get you to the "starting gate" for what happens next. However, her explanation is not inconsequential plus she also hints at the "big reveal" in the next map.
If u think that was a hardcore climbing puzzle you should try kortaag's mission. :P
I spent a full half hour falling off stuff! And yet still had a fun time
These are the Voyages on the STO forum, the final frontier. Our continuing mission: to explore Pretentious Posts, to seek out new Overreactions and Misinformation , to boldly experience Cynicism like no man has before.......
I played through Shadows, published by Sorroway, this evening.
A fun ride. Fights were challenging and sometimes overwhelming (but that may be more of a factor of my play style than anything). A few typos here and there but no major problems. Thanks for publishing!
Minor issues: a few very minor typos... the first being in the initial mission text/description. It says "you are send to..." I think you mean 'sent'.
The only other typos I saw were with two words that were written as a single word, should be two. Striketeam should be strike team. Powercore should be power core.
The only "complaint" I would have to offer (and I hate to use that word seeing as it isn't a complaint, really) is in the part where you are to climb the rock to reach the array. I had a heck of a time trying to find WHICH rock, exactly, given that the green circle is so large on the map. It would be great if there was a way to highlight the specific area somehow... maybe I was the only one who had this trouble.
Other than that, I had no complaints about it whatsoever. Solid story, good game play. I'll have to admit, I thought I knew where it was going in the beginning but I was wrong - you went a different direction. Kudos.
4 stars
I hope this review helps. It's 2am here and I am dead tired so maybe it doesn't make sense. Reply to this post if you have any questions and I'll be sure to answer as best I can.
Cheers!
Many thanks for your review!
I wrote down the typos, and I will fix those the next time I update the mission.
I asked a few of the other players who reviewed my mission if they had trouble finding the right spot to climb, but they didn't. However, the next time I update the mission, I'll try to add something to make it clearer where you have to be.
Once again, many thanks for your review, I'm glad you enjoyed my mission!
I'll try to play "The Once and Future King" sometime this week
A mission with a strong story and powerful ending. However it still requires another layer of polish and some more work on the interior maps as they seemed a bit empty and lifeless (although one was supposed to be lifeless!). There were a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes which need to be cleaned up (Hopefully I caught all of them). Also the combat was rather lackluster and easy. I honestly blame Cryptic a bit for this as this is how they deal with it and as players we start off by copying what we see. Monkey see monkey do and all that. Still with these issues I still gave the mission a 4 stars out of 5 because of the story. However as you can see from the other reviews that you?ve gotten other people are not as forgiving (and quite rude!!!).
Bonus: Hey I made it qualify for rewards!
Detailed findings:
Prologue
Mission briefing typo - Captian Bolhit (Captain)
It is to the an Oasis in a Borg Desert (???????????)
Does Starfleet know more about why? (Grammar issue here)
Good usage of pre-mission dialogue to start the mission
Instead of using Approach Canonis system I?d recommend using Kessik System...I forgot where I was going and looked for a Canonis and was very confused.
Enter map dialogue missing period at the end
Map - Canonis System
Dialogue said Sphere + probes but no probes in the fight!
I liked the OOC about changing to dress uniform, sometimes I could stand to do that in my missions
Map - Great Hall of Canonis
Npc name typo - Reciptionist (Receptionist)
Grammar talking to Malonis Delegate - We have made enhance super soldiers (enhanced)
Kind of a short map, talk to 3 ppl and leave
Map - Mess Hall
Npc Name Typo - Engsign (Ensign)
Very quick map, even shorter than the above
Consider ways to keep map transitions to a minimum. For instance this section could have been included in the above map after talking to all the NPCs
Map - Canonite Caves
Typo talking to Altonit Subspace - carriar waves (carrier) (response button)
Kind of empty, I?d expect more equipment where they were hiding their secret
Map - Canonis System
Combat is very ?Cryptic-esque?. Bad guys just sit there and I can drink my coffee while pewpewing them out of the sky. Using Patrol you can have the ships actively engage the player
Objective Get within hailing range. I thought the component piece was kind of oddly placed. I naturally flew straight to the planet but isntead it was a tiny invisible object off to the side. Some alternatives would be a larger invisible object or a reach object using the planet as the reach marker
Typo in objective - Debreif with the Admiral (Debrief)
The little bit of dialogue by the Admiral about what class the Canonites are was a good touch
This is a promising mission with an intriguing story that harkens back to a classic DS9 episode. However there are a lot of rough edges that need to be addressed. Common issues (that are also listed in the details) are one objective wonders where you do one thing on a map and then map transition. Also theres never any instructions on what to do when I enter a map. I show up and then I kinda scratch my head then look at the objective list to determine what I do. I would have preferred a little bit of direction from the story. Over all I gave it a 3/5
Details:
Prologue
Typo in dialogue after mission accept - Go to the Badlands System in the Beta Ursae Sector Blockj (random J)
Button to enter the Foundry is only continue
Map - Marva IV
Entered the map and Im not told what to do, I have to check the objective list
Very quick map (I fly up to the thing and its over)
This could have easily been put as the entry dialogue to the Foundry map
Map - Outpost Marva IV Interior
Again not told what to do (imagine showing up on the station as a starfleet officer and no one greets you or anything)
Good work populating the map
There are crates floating in the air in the middle of the room, looks very out of place
Whhen Myro greets me he calls me [Rank] [FirstName] [LastName]. Since my character only has a last name he called me Vice Admiral Zorbane Zorbane. I try to avoid using them together because of this issue but its not a big deal to me.
Map - Panora System
Another quick map, show up and talk and warp out right away
Map - Marva IV
Again a quick map
Map - The Plasma Fields
Didnt name the scan objectives so i can see Debris ship 01 blahblah. In space component complete objects show the name youve given them in the editor
I believe all the objects are on the same Y axis. Dont be like Khan space is 3D
Typo - Found Myro Helm, takew us into firing range. (extra w)
I have no idea what just happened at the end
This is a promising mission with an intriguing story that harkens back to a classic DS9 episode. However there are a lot of rough edges that need to be addressed. Common issues (that are also listed in the details) are one objective wonders where you do one thing on a map and then map transition. Also theres never any instructions on what to do when I enter a map. I show up and then I kinda scratch my head then look at the objective list to determine what I do. I would have preferred a little bit of direction from the story. Over all I gave it a 3/5
Details:
Prologue
Typo in dialogue after mission accept - Go to the Badlands System in the Beta Ursae Sector Blockj (random J)
Button to enter the Foundry is only continue
Map - Marva IV
Entered the map and Im not told what to do, I have to check the objective list
Very quick map (I fly up to the thing and its over)
This could have easily been put as the entry dialogue to the Foundry map
Map - Outpost Marva IV Interior
Again not told what to do (imagine showing up on the station as a starfleet officer and no one greets you or anything)
Good work populating the map
There are crates floating in the air in the middle of the room, looks very out of place
Whhen Myro greets me he calls me [Rank] [FirstName] [LastName]. Since my character only has a last name he called me Vice Admiral Zorbane Zorbane. I try to avoid using them together because of this issue but its not a big deal to me.
Map - Panora System
Another quick map, show up and talk and warp out right away
Map - Marva IV
Again a quick map
Map - The Plasma Fields
Didnt name the scan objectives so i can see Debris ship 01 blahblah. In space component complete objects show the name youve given them in the editor
I believe all the objects are on the same Y axis. Dont be like Khan space is 3D
Typo - Found Myro Helm, takew us into firing range. (extra w)
I have no idea what just happened at the end
Thanks for the review!
You know, I could have sworn I fixed all the typos. Ah well, something I'll have to go back and check I suppose.
I'll do my best to fix all the issues you've mentioned, but I'm afraid my computer's away while my cousin upgrades it and I probably won't get it back until Easter.
I notice you haven't reviewed the final map. Was the mission broken after the Plasma Fields?
You know, I could have sworn I fixed all the typos. Ah well, something I'll have to go back and check I suppose.
I'll do my best to fix all the issues you've mentioned, but I'm afraid my computer's away while my cousin upgrades it and I probably won't get it back until Easter.
I notice you haven't reviewed the final map. Was the mission broken after the Plasma Fields?
Ah if I didn't actually put anything for a map its because I just didn't put anything down in my notes.
BTW I forgot to include another issue that I had overall, in that I felt like I didn't really do much. I did a lot of flying between places and talking to people but the only action I had was blowing up the fighters and scanning for the ship.
Here is my review of "The Once and Future King" by @preirin:
The mission is heavy on dialog, and has some good ground combat. There is also some light space combat.
The mission took me about an hour and twenty minutes to complete.
Below are specific issues I encountered that probably should be cleaned up:
- On the first map around the planet Sierra, when the mission text reads, "Move within transporter range of the Pride", I got to withing 0.0KM and could not proceed. When I went to impulse and moved away, then returned, the next step appeared at that point. I'm not sure if this is a Cryptic bug or if it was because the reach marker was within the same area as my resultant location after defeating the previous enemies.
- On board the Nagis Pride, the conversation with Cpt Tok after scanning the five crates, the sentence reads, "The True would love nothing more..." This should probably read "The True Way would love nothing more..."
- After the conversation with Cpt Tok is finihshed, the button reads, "Beam back to your ship." The dialog text reads "Go to Next Map?" You should probably change that dialog text.
- During the negotiations on the planet, where Gul Demond is discussing the evidence, "Eye witness" should be one word ("Eyewitness").
- Later in the text, "It is true that Runak Tyrel is a primising politician...", should read, "It is true that Runak Tyrel is a promising politician...".
- When Cpt Tok and his Gorn escorts beam out at the end of the negotiations, if you take too long to read the dialog, they re-appear, only to disappear again when the dialog is closed. It looks like you should have the animation occur after the dialog is closed (instead of while reading the dialog), if this is possible.
- Also, you should probably spell out Captain (instead of using Cpt).
- When scanning the dead bodies after the ground battle on the planet, their names read "Cardassian Ensign Male ##". You should probably change this. "Gil" is what they were named when they were alive--this would be a good choice for when they are dead.
- After finished talking with Commander Tyvek on the planet, she simply vanishes. You should probably change the animation to use the beam out.
- On board Tyvek's ship, the dialog text reads, "Sir, the radiation levels in this ship are interfereing..." This should read, "Sir, the radiation levels in this ship are interefering..."
- The indication for the door to the turbolift in the first map of Tyvek's ship is not very clear--it looks like you might have the door object too far into the wall.
- On the third wave of the final attack, the NPC names should be changed from the default that includes the number.
- I loved the ambush at the end--it caught me completely by surprise.
- Upon clicking the "made it" button, the dialog text reads, "Go to Next Map?" You should probably change this.
- In the final dialog with Gul Demond, the text reads, "I ask you, [Cadet], as one soldier to another. Will you allow...". "[Cadet]" should be changed to reflect the player's rank, and you don't have a complete sentence there (it sounds awkward). It should read, "I ask you, [rank], as one soldier to another, will you allow..." There are a lot of commas there--you could use dashes or semi-colons or other punctuation instead to break the sentence up.
- After clicking, "You still haven't told me...", Demond's response is "Whether or not I am of the True?" I think this is supposed to read, "Whether or not I am of the True Way?".
Here is my review of "The Once and Future King" by @preirin:
The mission is heavy on dialog, and has some good ground combat. There is also some light space combat.
The mission took me about an hour and twenty minutes to complete.
Thanks for your detailed review! I have been menaing to go back and fix some of the typos (especially that damned [CADET] issue!) Ive been focused on another foundry mission but Ill try to fix these up tonight.
Below are specific issues I encountered that probably should be cleaned up:
- On the first map around the planet Sierra, when the mission text reads, "Move within transporter range of the Pride", I got to withing 0.0KM and could not proceed. When I went to impulse and moved away, then returned, the next step appeared at that point. I'm not sure if this is a Cryptic bug or if it was because the reach marker was within the same area as my resultant location after defeating the previous enemies.
I think the latter is the issue, to be honest. Ill take a look at the map and try to lower the km radius of the marker.. if the issue is still there when I test it, Ill move the Pride a little distance away and that should solve the issue.
- On board the Nagis Pride, the conversation with Cpt Tok after scanning the five crates, the sentence reads, "The True would love nothing more..." This should probably read "The True Way would love nothing more..."
I agree with you here. I researched the True Way and it is sometimes referred to as The True but usually only by other Cardassians/True Way members a Ferengi would probably use the entire phrase.
- After the conversation with Cpt Tok is finihshed, the button reads, "Beam back to your ship." The dialog text reads "Go to Next Map?" You should probably change that dialog text.
- During the negotiations on the planet, where Gul Demond is discussing the evidence, "Eye witness" should be one word ("Eyewitness").
- Later in the text, "It is true that Runak Tyrel is a primising politician...", should read, "It is true that Runak Tyrel is a promising politician...".
- When Cpt Tok and his Gorn escorts beam out at the end of the negotiations, if you take too long to read the dialog, they re-appear, only to disappear again when the dialog is closed. It looks like you should have the animation occur after the dialog is closed (instead of while reading the dialog), if this is possible.
- Also, you should probably spell out Captain (instead of using Cpt).
Ill have another play with that it may simply require a transition triggered by a dialogue point
- When scanning the dead bodies after the ground battle on the planet, their names read "Cardassian Ensign Male ##". You should probably change this. "Gil" is what they were named when they were alive--this would be a good choice for when they are dead.
Funnily enough, I thought I HAD fixed that Ill check again.
- After finished talking with Commander Tyvek on the planet, she simply vanishes. You should probably change the animation to use the beam out.
- On board Tyvek's ship, the dialog text reads, "Sir, the radiation levels in this ship are interfereing..." This should read, "Sir, the radiation levels in this ship are interefering..."
Anotehr good reason to write in Word and use spellcheck LOL
- The indication for the door to the turbolift in the first map of Tyvek's ship is not very clear--it looks like you might have the door object too far into the wall.
- On the third wave of the final attack, the NPC names should be changed from the default that includes the number.
- In the final dialog with Gul Demond, the text reads, "I ask you, [Cadet], as one soldier to another. Will you allow...". "[Cadet]" should be changed to reflect the player's rank, and you don't have a complete sentence there (it sounds awkward). It should read, "I ask you, [rank], as one soldier to another, will you allow..." There are a lot of commas there--you could use dashes or semi-colons or other punctuation instead to break the sentence up.
I cant tell you how much of a pain in the TRIBBLE that [cadet] issue is for me LOL. I swear I have dug through the dialogue and cant find it. Ill tear it apart tonight and if I STILL cant see it, Ill delete/rewrite the entire dialogue. LOL
- After clicking, "You still haven't told me...", Demond's response is "Whether or not I am of the True?" I think this is supposed to read, "Whether or not I am of the True Way?".
This is that phrasing thing again I have gone back and forth on this on one hand I want Demond to use some familiarity with the phrase as to add to his ambiguousness but if its confusing I can change it to the full phrase. No worries there.
I agree with you here. I researched the True Way and it is sometimes referred to as The True but usually only by other Cardassians/True Way members a Ferengi would probably use the entire phrase.
If it is correct for Cardassians to refer to it as "The True" instead of "The True Way", then you're okay with leaving it as "The True". I don't remember much about the how it was referred in Star Trek, and I didn't research it--so it is my mistake. So I'll retract my comment on that if "The True" is the correct for referencing it.
If it is correct for Cardassians to refer to it as "The True" instead of "The True Way", then you're okay with leaving it as "The True". I don't remember much about the how it was referred in Star Trek, and I didn't research it--so it is my mistake. So I'll retract my comment on that if "The True" is the correct for referencing it.
Don't worry about a retraction... it's much-a-muchness, really.
I have absolutely no qualms in referring to the True Way in it's entirety if it avoids confusion for players
A polished and technically well done mission. However while the story has an interesting concept I do not agree with how it developed. It basically had me rip apart the prime directive and not only that but willingly murder people that I have no business fighting. I had a very uncomfortable feeling as I walked about shooting people in the face because they decided to have a revolution which I knew very little about. Even with the ship held hostage I felt there had to be a better alternative (or just give up the ship even).
Otherwise the mission was polished, few technical issues and no spelling errors that I saw. One issue I had (which you will see repeated over and over in the details) is that most of the time your maps were very very quick. Pop in talk to a guy (maybe scan some stuff) then change maps. Its quite immersion breaking to be spending more time loading maps than playing the actual mission. Try to keep the maps to a minimum. After the details Ill put an example of how this whole mission could have been condensed into a single map!
In the end I gave this a 3 stars out of 5, primarily because of the issues I had with the story.
Details:
Map - Omanus
Nice briefing (Optional!)
However this is a short map, you show up and then talk a bit and beam down
Map - Oma
When the Supreme Leader welcomes me he calls me [Rank] [FirstName] [LastName]. My character only has a last name (Zorbane) so he calls me Vice Admiral Zorbane Zorbane. Kind of silly and a Cryptic issue but its something to keep in mind I personally stay away from putting first and last name together for this reason.
Nitpick : I thoguht it was kinda weird that they have more powerful weapons than the Federation
Interesting planetary defense asset. What is it?
Kind of a quick map again. Talk to the Supreme Leader, scan the weapons and change map
Map - Omanus
Quick map again
Map - Oma
Quick map again (talk to a dude and its over)
Map - Omanian Coast
This is a huge violation of the prime directive helping this dude shoot people. I know hes taking my ship hostage and all but Im killing people for him
Map - Oma
pathing issues boff got stuck in a wall
Im a murderer!!!!
Outline of rewritten version THIS SECTION CONTAINS SPOILERS
Accept Mission
Pre-entry dialogue box which includes the optional information
Arrive at star system, contact Brulia(?) Map Transition
Beam down to meet her and become rudely interrupted by Supreme Leader
Chat with Supreme Leader about why hes so cool
Brulia says they have a meet so they leave, and Leader says hell contact you when hes free
Wander around, scan the planetayr weaopns, talk to random people
Suddenly contacted by ship Theres weapons fire oh no! Its over *there*
Player runs to that area and talks to witnesses, and gets forced to attack Brulia
Player runs off to where the revolutionists are holed up (this map is big they can be on the far side or something), fights them and wins
Run back to the city and talk to the NPCs. They argue and you have to go in and clear out the city. The End
Went back and cleaned up Once and Future King... I think I've managed to catch all the issues you guys have pointed out (thank you!) but one..
"When Cpt Tok and his Gorn escorts beam out at the end of the negotiations, if you take too long to read the dialog, they re-appear, only to disappear again when the dialog is closed. It looks like you should have the animation occur after the dialog is closed (instead of while reading the dialog), if this is possible."
I played this map through and at first didnt have the issue you had then I let the dialogue box longer a spell longer and sure enough but I dont think there is a way I can fix it. I CAN change it to beam out when you talk to Demond next, but that doesnt make a lot of sense Im open to suggestions here OOL
Overall really fun mission! I quite enjoyed the carious movie references, the game play was a blast - battles were challenging but not overwhelming.
Over all, I really had a blast. The only things I found were a few typos and buttons not labeled correctly.
After the 1st True Way attack in the Badlands the officer says "I'm prepare a shuttle" I am assuming that is meant to be either I'll prepare or I'm preparing.
On the True Way station where you scan the shuttle, there are several crates to be scanned. The button simply says 'interact'.
When we beam the food crate to the mess hall, there's no beam-out animation. Was this intentional?
After the final battle with the True Way, before we warp out, there's a visible object which reads "launch the shuttle". I flew up to it and the button said 'interact' but there was no animation and no real reason for it to be there...
That's it. Nice plug, putting yourself in the mission dialogue LOL And yes, I stayed for the credits...
Went back and cleaned up Once and Future King... I think I've managed to catch all the issues you guys have pointed out (thank you!) but one..
"When Cpt Tok and his Gorn escorts beam out at the end of the negotiations, if you take too long to read the dialog, they re-appear, only to disappear again when the dialog is closed. It looks like you should have the animation occur after the dialog is closed (instead of while reading the dialog), if this is possible."
I played this map through and at first didnt have the issue you had then I let the dialogue box longer a spell longer and sure enough but I dont think there is a way I can fix it. I CAN change it to beam out when you talk to Demond next, but that doesnt make a lot of sense Im open to suggestions here OOL
Yeah--I was afraid of something like that. It really jumped out at me when it happened because Tok was onscreen when I was reading the dialog, and I took the time to read through the dialog.
I'm not really sure what you can do to fix it--a thought that occurs to me is--what about having Demond move just a little way away when the dialog comes up, and adding a reach marker between him and the player? Have Tok beam out when you cross the reach marker. I'm not sure if you can get it to work this way, though--it could introduce a new problem, so be careful.
Another thought--instead of one dialog with a lot of text, how about two dialogs--the first with most of the text, the second, where Tok beams out, with little more than Tok proclaiming he's beaming out? Again, there could be a new problem introduced--so be careful.
I hope that helps. It sounds like this could be a little troublesome. With everyone there in such close proximity, it might prove a bit difficult to work it the way you want. I know it would drive me nuts to have this problem and try to find a way to fix it--it's just one little detail, but kinda like that splinter that gets stuck under your thumbnail. Good luck.
Comments
Yeah, I went through many drafts and having friends play it a few times before I even posted it on here. Even then I had some problems to fix. If you do pull it and revamp it a bit, make sure to post when it's back up. I'd live to give it another go.
It's relatively in the beginning... not imedidatley tho... I don't know... I'll mull it over a bit.
As for making my own thread - understood! If you like, you can go back and remove/delete my OT posts.
Non-silly answer: The Foundry doesn't feature code that allows you to fail an entire mission. However, it is possible to set it up so that failing a puzzle within a map causes something bad to happen within that map, and maybe even ask the player to remember their choice and pick an input. For the first half of that sentence, I point you to "No Prize for Second Contact", I think part two, which has a hostage situation that you can resolve either by talking down the hostage takers, or by blasting them (in which case I'm pretty sure some of the hostages get killed in the crossfire). For the second part, "The Interwarp Experiment", which asks the player to choose between two types of past relationship with an NPC and continue using that one throughout the mission.
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
I don't personally recommend it though.
My character Tsin'xing
I have seen the 'failure' option given at the end of certian dialogue choices... I am under the assumption that once you receive that failure that you will have to restart the misison. I could be wrong.
I wish there was an option to force the map to reset and the player to reappear at the spawn point as if nothing had happened...
One example where you might use this is just before a large battle you talk to the commander and have a Talk to Contact objective.
Commander Bob: We're ready to attack the enemy. Are you?
Yes -> Success
No - > Fail
The objective does not get completed and when the player is ready he/she will talk to Commander Bob agani and click Yes
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
I'm aware of this issue; the stars aren't appearing where I put them, but a few km away.
This is a documented issue on Cryptic's end, and apparently not limited to Foundry missions.
Thanks; I'll fix these. The problem is that in the editor, both relevant options are simply labeled "Tricorder Scan" so there's no way to tell them apart.
Afraid not; the maps use different backdrop effects which are not triggerable. In any case, Map 6 is (hopefully) only a temporary workaround until we get the actual New Romulus space map (baked-in backdrop effects and all) in the Foundry.
Again, this is only meant to be a temporary map. If/when we get the actual New Romulus maps in the Foundry, Maps 6 and 8 will be rebuilt using the space map, and Map 7 will be relocated to the Command Center interior map.
My Foundry missions | My STO Wiki page | My Twitter home page
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
First I'd like to say that it was quite interesting seeing a literary-style mission being written. Often times it felt like I was reading a short story/semi-novel. I'm assuming this was the intent and that was well received. My review will be the bad, the good, the funny in no particular order:
I will first outline what I was able to catch while playing..
DS9 Meetup:
Admiral Marconi:
Malon System:
Malon II battle scene:
Dreon VII village:
Captain Jerek meetup scene:
USS Marduk:
"Let me guess: that's our target." another comma before the word 'and' is used. "..warp in, activate it(,) and proceed.."
Ultima Thule Cort Cloud:
- Thank you for putting in yellow alert realism. I think a lot of authors miss that aspect of commanding a ship and you've done it throughout this mission. I salute you on that.
- "We can't let them give an alarm. Options?" There's a response option that reads, "If that makes sense to you, Science, that's good enough for me." The second option has the same "Science" reference.
- When destroying the patrol, the Tactical Officer panel reads, "..sensors back as well. Nicely done, Science, but.." Same 'science' issue and a comma before the word but. Just a perspective here but my character saying freaking?
- The corresponding panel has another missing quotation mark in the first paragraph but since I clicked out of it, I couldn't verify. I may be wrong.
- When cracking the Orion gate, my BOFF says "For the love of Pete!" and as you can imagine, an earth-based and religious non-secular colloquialism?
- When the Admiral chimes in to suggest a working tactic, there's another reference in the response as "Maybe next time, Science. ..."
- The damaged Slavemaster Battleship appears to be dislocated from docking. It's pretty awesome that you have one docked though!
Asteroid base:Overall Synopsis:
Great mission! I hope you appreciate the eye for detail as I feel this mission deserves to rise into the top 50 with perhaps some tinkering with the aforementioned. It's obvious you have the ability to write a novel for Star Trek if you put yourself up to it. I'd certainly read it!
If you end up playing my mission, Amicus Apparatus, anything you could catch in grammar or spelling would be amazing and appreciated!
Great mission with Great map design (Space and Ground), fun and balanced combat and a great story. It was also very polishsed I only found 1 "mistake" and 1 buggy section. I felt it was a bit long although I was distracted by other things. It took me about 1.5hours minimum. There's a few nitpicky things regarding Station Azure 9 including some really bad boff pathing. I know there's nothing you can do about it but it's still very distracting as a player. Still 5/5
Details
Map 1 (forgot to write name down)
Nice space map
Map - Station Azure 9
Ack the drop from the transporter room to "ground level" gave me a scare it looked like I was falling!
Nice looking map but two things
1: Very few people (but could be due to the skeleton crew aspect the transporter chief told me about)
2: Not much ground "Decoration". Road, floor, buildings and some structures
Still it's an awesome map
No titles in the dialogue boxes (I don't care about this myself but just pointing it out)
-Now inside the base-
I wonder if the "check out the base" could have worked better as a "COmplete All" objective
hehhe pewpew go drones
significant boff pathing issues which cause trouble when fighting started
Map - Abraxas III
Cool cave village, almost exactly what i'd imagine if you put "refugee town inside a cave"
Well I didn't expect that turn of events
Map Abraxas System #2
When talking about strategy generate an EM pulse to jam the Borg's "com" signal (comm would be the correct spelling i believe)
Scan the disabled borg ships detail object not named (Sphere - 02 or something like that)
Map - Station Azure 9 #2
Hardcore Parkour
I love it when people make maps like this, I've only seen a few where it's been done well (this one included now)
Speak with the Nurse objective kinda came out of nowhere? (unless I missed something in the dialgoue)
Nurse was super tiny!
Map - Facility One
Sweet looking borg room
Had "Com" instead of "Comm" several times
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
My character Tsin'xing
Just a few things to mention:
That just means you have an awesome rig and loaded really fast
That map is maxed on buildings. Wish I could spruce it up but I had to make sure all the basics were in.
I've already responded to this in evil70th's review. I actually do have some ideas on how to make it better. It's going to be a huge project though so I've been putting it off.
Thanks. I'll check out that sphere and fix it.
"Com" vs "Comm" - both are probably ok but you're right... "Comm" would be the more common abbreviation.
You talked to her in the Ops Center on map 2. She hinted at what she later explains in that dialogue you mentioned. And yes... she is short. And has pink hair!
Her true purpose is to get you to the "starting gate" for what happens next. However, her explanation is not inconsequential plus she also hints at the "big reveal" in the next map.
At least I'm consistent.
Thanks again. I truly appreciate all feedback.
lol I've heard about it!
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
I spent a full half hour falling off stuff! And yet still had a fun time
Many thanks for your review!
I wrote down the typos, and I will fix those the next time I update the mission.
I asked a few of the other players who reviewed my mission if they had trouble finding the right spot to climb, but they didn't. However, the next time I update the mission, I'll try to add something to make it clearer where you have to be.
Once again, many thanks for your review, I'm glad you enjoyed my mission!
I'll try to play "The Once and Future King" sometime this week
A mission with a strong story and powerful ending. However it still requires another layer of polish and some more work on the interior maps as they seemed a bit empty and lifeless (although one was supposed to be lifeless!). There were a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes which need to be cleaned up (Hopefully I caught all of them). Also the combat was rather lackluster and easy. I honestly blame Cryptic a bit for this as this is how they deal with it and as players we start off by copying what we see. Monkey see monkey do and all that. Still with these issues I still gave the mission a 4 stars out of 5 because of the story. However as you can see from the other reviews that you?ve gotten other people are not as forgiving (and quite rude!!!).
Bonus: Hey I made it qualify for rewards!
Detailed findings:
Prologue
Mission briefing typo - Captian Bolhit (Captain)
It is to the an Oasis in a Borg Desert (???????????)
Does Starfleet know more about why? (Grammar issue here)
Good usage of pre-mission dialogue to start the mission
Instead of using Approach Canonis system I?d recommend using Kessik System...I forgot where I was going and looked for a Canonis and was very confused.
Enter map dialogue missing period at the end
Map - Canonis System
Dialogue said Sphere + probes but no probes in the fight!
I liked the OOC about changing to dress uniform, sometimes I could stand to do that in my missions
Map - Great Hall of Canonis
Npc name typo - Reciptionist (Receptionist)
Grammar talking to Malonis Delegate - We have made enhance super soldiers (enhanced)
Kind of a short map, talk to 3 ppl and leave
Map - Mess Hall
Npc Name Typo - Engsign (Ensign)
Very quick map, even shorter than the above
Consider ways to keep map transitions to a minimum. For instance this section could have been included in the above map after talking to all the NPCs
Map - Canonite Caves
Typo talking to Altonit Subspace - carriar waves (carrier) (response button)
Kind of empty, I?d expect more equipment where they were hiding their secret
Map - Canonis System
Combat is very ?Cryptic-esque?. Bad guys just sit there and I can drink my coffee while pewpewing them out of the sky. Using Patrol you can have the ships actively engage the player
Objective Get within hailing range. I thought the component piece was kind of oddly placed. I naturally flew straight to the planet but isntead it was a tiny invisible object off to the side. Some alternatives would be a larger invisible object or a reach object using the planet as the reach marker
Typo in objective - Debreif with the Admiral (Debrief)
The little bit of dialogue by the Admiral about what class the Canonites are was a good touch
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
This is a promising mission with an intriguing story that harkens back to a classic DS9 episode. However there are a lot of rough edges that need to be addressed. Common issues (that are also listed in the details) are one objective wonders where you do one thing on a map and then map transition. Also theres never any instructions on what to do when I enter a map. I show up and then I kinda scratch my head then look at the objective list to determine what I do. I would have preferred a little bit of direction from the story. Over all I gave it a 3/5
Details:
Prologue
Typo in dialogue after mission accept - Go to the Badlands System in the Beta Ursae Sector Blockj (random J)
Button to enter the Foundry is only continue
Map - Marva IV
Entered the map and Im not told what to do, I have to check the objective list
Very quick map (I fly up to the thing and its over)
This could have easily been put as the entry dialogue to the Foundry map
Map - Outpost Marva IV Interior
Again not told what to do (imagine showing up on the station as a starfleet officer and no one greets you or anything)
Good work populating the map
There are crates floating in the air in the middle of the room, looks very out of place
Whhen Myro greets me he calls me [Rank] [FirstName] [LastName]. Since my character only has a last name he called me Vice Admiral Zorbane Zorbane. I try to avoid using them together because of this issue but its not a big deal to me.
Map - Panora System
Another quick map, show up and talk and warp out right away
Map - Marva IV
Again a quick map
Map - The Plasma Fields
Didnt name the scan objectives so i can see Debris ship 01 blahblah. In space component complete objects show the name youve given them in the editor
I believe all the objects are on the same Y axis. Dont be like Khan space is 3D
Typo - Found Myro Helm, takew us into firing range. (extra w)
I have no idea what just happened at the end
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
Thanks for the review!
You know, I could have sworn I fixed all the typos. Ah well, something I'll have to go back and check I suppose.
I'll do my best to fix all the issues you've mentioned, but I'm afraid my computer's away while my cousin upgrades it and I probably won't get it back until Easter.
I notice you haven't reviewed the final map. Was the mission broken after the Plasma Fields?
Trials of Blood and Fire
Moving On Parts 1-3 - Part 4
In Cold Blood
Ah if I didn't actually put anything for a map its because I just didn't put anything down in my notes.
BTW I forgot to include another issue that I had overall, in that I felt like I didn't really do much. I did a lot of flying between places and talking to people but the only action I had was blowing up the fighters and scanning for the ship.
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
The mission is heavy on dialog, and has some good ground combat. There is also some light space combat.
The mission took me about an hour and twenty minutes to complete.
Below are specific issues I encountered that probably should be cleaned up:
- On the first map around the planet Sierra, when the mission text reads, "Move within transporter range of the Pride", I got to withing 0.0KM and could not proceed. When I went to impulse and moved away, then returned, the next step appeared at that point. I'm not sure if this is a Cryptic bug or if it was because the reach marker was within the same area as my resultant location after defeating the previous enemies.
- On board the Nagis Pride, the conversation with Cpt Tok after scanning the five crates, the sentence reads, "The True would love nothing more..." This should probably read "The True Way would love nothing more..."
- After the conversation with Cpt Tok is finihshed, the button reads, "Beam back to your ship." The dialog text reads "Go to Next Map?" You should probably change that dialog text.
- During the negotiations on the planet, where Gul Demond is discussing the evidence, "Eye witness" should be one word ("Eyewitness").
- Later in the text, "It is true that Runak Tyrel is a primising politician...", should read, "It is true that Runak Tyrel is a promising politician...".
- When Cpt Tok and his Gorn escorts beam out at the end of the negotiations, if you take too long to read the dialog, they re-appear, only to disappear again when the dialog is closed. It looks like you should have the animation occur after the dialog is closed (instead of while reading the dialog), if this is possible.
- Also, you should probably spell out Captain (instead of using Cpt).
- When scanning the dead bodies after the ground battle on the planet, their names read "Cardassian Ensign Male ##". You should probably change this. "Gil" is what they were named when they were alive--this would be a good choice for when they are dead.
- After finished talking with Commander Tyvek on the planet, she simply vanishes. You should probably change the animation to use the beam out.
- On board Tyvek's ship, the dialog text reads, "Sir, the radiation levels in this ship are interfereing..." This should read, "Sir, the radiation levels in this ship are interefering..."
- The indication for the door to the turbolift in the first map of Tyvek's ship is not very clear--it looks like you might have the door object too far into the wall.
- On the third wave of the final attack, the NPC names should be changed from the default that includes the number.
- I loved the ambush at the end--it caught me completely by surprise.
- Upon clicking the "made it" button, the dialog text reads, "Go to Next Map?" You should probably change this.
- In the final dialog with Gul Demond, the text reads, "I ask you, [Cadet], as one soldier to another. Will you allow...". "[Cadet]" should be changed to reflect the player's rank, and you don't have a complete sentence there (it sounds awkward). It should read, "I ask you, [rank], as one soldier to another, will you allow..." There are a lot of commas there--you could use dashes or semi-colons or other punctuation instead to break the sentence up.
- After clicking, "You still haven't told me...", Demond's response is "Whether or not I am of the True?" I think this is supposed to read, "Whether or not I am of the True Way?".
It was a good mission.
Mission Name: The Devil's Playground
Author: confedinblue
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HE4GS98P8
Estimated Mission Length: 1 to 1.25 hours
Forum Thread: http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?t=1019191
Summary: You are ordered to the Noro System to investigate why contact was lost with a research team.
Thanks!
Thanks for your detailed review! I have been menaing to go back and fix some of the typos (especially that damned [CADET] issue!) Ive been focused on another foundry mission but Ill try to fix these up tonight.
I think the latter is the issue, to be honest. Ill take a look at the map and try to lower the km radius of the marker.. if the issue is still there when I test it, Ill move the Pride a little distance away and that should solve the issue.
I agree with you here. I researched the True Way and it is sometimes referred to as The True but usually only by other Cardassians/True Way members a Ferengi would probably use the entire phrase.
All good points will address
Ill have another play with that it may simply require a transition triggered by a dialogue point
Funnily enough, I thought I HAD fixed that Ill check again.
- After finished talking with Commander Tyvek on the planet, she simply vanishes. You should probably change the animation to use the beam out.
Anotehr good reason to write in Word and use spellcheck LOL
Good points.
Glad you liked it. I had a heck of a time getting that to pull off just right
Good point will go through the story and hunt all of these out and amend them.
I cant tell you how much of a pain in the TRIBBLE that [cadet] issue is for me LOL. I swear I have dug through the dialogue and cant find it. Ill tear it apart tonight and if I STILL cant see it, Ill delete/rewrite the entire dialogue. LOL
This is that phrasing thing again I have gone back and forth on this on one hand I want Demond to use some familiarity with the phrase as to add to his ambiguousness but if its confusing I can change it to the full phrase. No worries there.
Thank you I genuinely appreciate all the feedback you and the others have given.
When I get the chance Ill definitely check out The Devil's Playground as well!
If it is correct for Cardassians to refer to it as "The True" instead of "The True Way", then you're okay with leaving it as "The True". I don't remember much about the how it was referred in Star Trek, and I didn't research it--so it is my mistake. So I'll retract my comment on that if "The True" is the correct for referencing it.
Don't worry about a retraction... it's much-a-muchness, really.
I have absolutely no qualms in referring to the True Way in it's entirety if it avoids confusion for players
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
A polished and technically well done mission. However while the story has an interesting concept I do not agree with how it developed. It basically had me rip apart the prime directive and not only that but willingly murder people that I have no business fighting. I had a very uncomfortable feeling as I walked about shooting people in the face because they decided to have a revolution which I knew very little about. Even with the ship held hostage I felt there had to be a better alternative (or just give up the ship even).
Otherwise the mission was polished, few technical issues and no spelling errors that I saw. One issue I had (which you will see repeated over and over in the details) is that most of the time your maps were very very quick. Pop in talk to a guy (maybe scan some stuff) then change maps. Its quite immersion breaking to be spending more time loading maps than playing the actual mission. Try to keep the maps to a minimum. After the details Ill put an example of how this whole mission could have been condensed into a single map!
In the end I gave this a 3 stars out of 5, primarily because of the issues I had with the story.
Details:
Map - Omanus
Nice briefing (Optional!)
However this is a short map, you show up and then talk a bit and beam down
Map - Oma
When the Supreme Leader welcomes me he calls me [Rank] [FirstName] [LastName]. My character only has a last name (Zorbane) so he calls me Vice Admiral Zorbane Zorbane. Kind of silly and a Cryptic issue but its something to keep in mind I personally stay away from putting first and last name together for this reason.
Nitpick : I thoguht it was kinda weird that they have more powerful weapons than the Federation
Interesting planetary defense asset. What is it?
Kind of a quick map again. Talk to the Supreme Leader, scan the weapons and change map
Map - Omanus
Quick map again
Map - Oma
Quick map again (talk to a dude and its over)
Map - Omanian Coast
This is a huge violation of the prime directive helping this dude shoot people. I know hes taking my ship hostage and all but Im killing people for him
Map - Oma
pathing issues boff got stuck in a wall
Im a murderer!!!!
Outline of rewritten version
THIS SECTION CONTAINS SPOILERS
Accept Mission
Pre-entry dialogue box which includes the optional information
Arrive at star system, contact Brulia(?)
Map Transition
Beam down to meet her and become rudely interrupted by Supreme Leader
Chat with Supreme Leader about why hes so cool
Brulia says they have a meet so they leave, and Leader says hell contact you when hes free
Wander around, scan the planetayr weaopns, talk to random people
Suddenly contacted by ship Theres weapons fire oh no! Its over *there*
Player runs to that area and talks to witnesses, and gets forced to attack Brulia
Player runs off to where the revolutionists are holed up (this map is big they can be on the far side or something), fights them and wins
Run back to the city and talk to the NPCs. They argue and you have to go in and clear out the city.
The End
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
"When Cpt Tok and his Gorn escorts beam out at the end of the negotiations, if you take too long to read the dialog, they re-appear, only to disappear again when the dialog is closed. It looks like you should have the animation occur after the dialog is closed (instead of while reading the dialog), if this is possible."
I played this map through and at first didnt have the issue you had then I let the dialogue box longer a spell longer and sure enough but I dont think there is a way I can fix it. I CAN change it to beam out when you talk to Demond next, but that doesnt make a lot of sense Im open to suggestions here OOL
Over all, I really had a blast. The only things I found were a few typos and buttons not labeled correctly.
After the 1st True Way attack in the Badlands the officer says "I'm prepare a shuttle" I am assuming that is meant to be either I'll prepare or I'm preparing.
On the True Way station where you scan the shuttle, there are several crates to be scanned. The button simply says 'interact'.
When we beam the food crate to the mess hall, there's no beam-out animation. Was this intentional?
After the final battle with the True Way, before we warp out, there's a visible object which reads "launch the shuttle". I flew up to it and the button said 'interact' but there was no animation and no real reason for it to be there...
That's it. Nice plug, putting yourself in the mission dialogue LOL And yes, I stayed for the credits...
Yeah--I was afraid of something like that. It really jumped out at me when it happened because Tok was onscreen when I was reading the dialog, and I took the time to read through the dialog.
I'm not really sure what you can do to fix it--a thought that occurs to me is--what about having Demond move just a little way away when the dialog comes up, and adding a reach marker between him and the player? Have Tok beam out when you cross the reach marker. I'm not sure if you can get it to work this way, though--it could introduce a new problem, so be careful.
Another thought--instead of one dialog with a lot of text, how about two dialogs--the first with most of the text, the second, where Tok beams out, with little more than Tok proclaiming he's beaming out? Again, there could be a new problem introduced--so be careful.
I hope that helps. It sounds like this could be a little troublesome. With everyone there in such close proximity, it might prove a bit difficult to work it the way you want. I know it would drive me nuts to have this problem and try to find a way to fix it--it's just one little detail, but kinda like that splinter that gets stuck under your thumbnail. Good luck.