hah yeah I noticed after I wrote the notes down about making them into complete alls you used it in the objective for the data recordings. It's not really a big deal I just wasn't sure if you knew it was possible to do something like that.
and yea the way you use the building objects (I assume they were building objects) made it really look like an alley not an open "street" like it normally is
An extremely well done mission which has an immense amount of detail in the maps, costumes and background story. The amount of background dialogue is quite abundant. Its very story heavy so action players might not enjoy the beginning but its definitely interesting. Theres also a very interesting parkour section where you must reach the top of a mountain by navigating a series of jumping puzzles. Unfortunately I never finished it as I spent about 20 minutes trying to figure out what to do before I gave up and went to sleep. It was too bad because it was an interesting and well done story.
Technically there was very little wrong with the mission. I did find there were too many maps, several which could be combined. I also wasnt a big fan of starting the mission at the ESD console.
In the end I didnt give the mission a rating as I didnt finish it. Ignoring the jumping puzzle that I couldnt complete, only rating from what I had seen, I would have given it a 5 star rating.
Details:
General
prolific use of invisible objects, think of replacing them with tiny interactable objects. I like to use isolinear chips (thanks to Rellimtime32)
Lots and lots of maps. I feel like they could be combined although I understand why some were done this way due to the effects used
Quite Long
Prologue
Romulan says Im going to meet him in Gamma Eridon but starts at the ESD Console?
Map - Eridon System
Super quick map talk to the guy and finish
Could you have not just had that dialogue at the actual system
Map - R.R.W Inquirer
Nice maps and tricks
Objective to handle the console was an invisible object not the actual console, curious why you did this
What costume is Commander Vitel? Did you make it by hand?
I feel like this map was short too,if the player decided not to do the optional stuff. I feel like its a bit of a shame too because its a really nice map!
Map - Coordinates xxxx
Oh dear lord its bright Im blind!!!
Short map, scan 3 times and leave
Map - Coordinates xxxx
Im blind again!
Wasnt told what to do after eavesdropping
They look really nice
Map - The Chamber
Scan 8 invisible objects? Thats a lot, its like I broken my tricorder or something
Fun to do puzzles for once
Some of them were a bit frustrating though and i button mashed the last few
Map - Somewhre
Interesting!!!
Could be easy to just skip the conversation with the dude as the actual objective waypoint is on the minimap, why did you do it that way?
Map - Roeau System
Short map
Map - Null Junction
I passed the NPC group that showed up. I turned around to destroy it in case it would bug the mission. (I stopped before Enter the genesis envelope)
No details on the map but I thought it was well done
Map - Null
Curious how you made it its like all my settings went to potato
Issue is that it is hard to find the objectives
Map - Null Planet
Scan the platofrm - wrong tricorder (i took out a klingon one!)
Parkour used the same piece over and over, would have been nice for some variety
After 20 minutes I gave up i had to go to sleep. I had also already spent a long time playing as well.
camping it up... good use of trigger, nice initial mood - can't
help but think to initial part of Star Trek V (classic movie)
The city was very detailed, the cultural heritage center NPC
dialogues very well written and funny. Can't help but flirt with
Kerry the trill gal... almost a' la Mass Effect affair I have to
concede you that. And a great nod at Kirk classic "maneuvers"...
Interiors of hotel/hotel rooms were absolutely adequate, right
down to the receptionist desk.
What's the atomic weight of the foundrinium..never mind...
Kirri took almost infinite time to open that door... a tech
glitch I think...had to change character to continue the story.
I like the final turn on things... I will not go into further
details to spoil things to whoever wants to try the mission... I
think you should warn female players that the story involve a
romance with a girl though.
One thing only... I spent almost an hour to find that darn
hotel... please, spare future players that torture and give that
objective a minimap signature
Hi Helix. Thanks for your review. Not sure why it took so long for that door opening trigger. But then I don't have absolute control over each instance of the mission. I do mention in the story description that it is romance and that players are not forced to be attracted to the female character. In fact it should be possible to play the mission hating the character with no attraction at all on your part.
As for the hotel, there are wall mounted maps throughout the city that give you details about the sights and also directions and even beacons to direct you to your objectives. Or you can ask around.
But as soon as I get some time I will look into making that clearer for the player.
Thanks again,
J.
(ps. never played mass effect so no idea about that reference)
MAP 1: Bajor space. Love the background star ring, though Bajor itself seemed quite dark (which may be a bug)
MAP 2: This Bajor ground map is so good beautiful and detailed that it immediately sets a tone of quality. Kendra has populated it well enough to feel like a city though I would recommend having a crowd in the area where shouting can be heard.
MAP 3: DS9 space. Not sure when it occurred but the second warp field I passed through I actually had to fly up to the warp field before it began. I suppose I could have entered warp and dropped out. The planets are quite close after all.
MAP 4: DS9 interior well-populated. Not sure why I was looking at weapons here. Other than to give the Ferengi time to do his thing. I wonder if there is something else I could do, or even options of things to do that would be entertaining?
MAP 5: Cardassian space (liked the touches of the clouds you fly through here)
MAP 6: Cardassia ground. A great build. Very bleak and atmospheric custom map. Took me a while to find the people I needed to talk to but wasnt terribly difficult.
MAP 7: Cardassia space. Good use of some optional fighting here.
MAP 8: Custom mess hall a nice little set. And should mention that the talky bits can be skipped throughout, though I didnt.
MAP 9: Memory Alpha. Theres a good lab-based bit of work to do here that made a nice change to the usual press-this-fight-that routine. I did at this point notice I was getting a lot of action description in my dialogue button that felt a little like reading fanfiction, but every author has their own style, their own use of buttons and green/gold text.
Look out for the author on this map*
Starting to feel sorry for Tribbles though. They seem to be the new guinea pigs these days. ;o)
MAP 10: Sickbay. Another custom. A lot of custom maps here for a first-timer which is bold, brave and successfully done. An interesting use of the TOS turbolift and 1-sided wall textures.
MAP 11: Bajor ground. A hands-on resolution, which strangely felt a little shorter than it could be.
For a 1st mission there is some very nice use of tech obviously the author has done homework and thought hard about presentation before building this mission.
In honesty I am not much of a fan of Bajorans or Cardassians, but Kendras passion for these races and their relationship is clear from her attention to the story and dialogue.
At some points it does feel a little anti-Cardy but with 2 main characters being Cardassian I cant really accuse it of such.
I like that this mission didnt feel the need to throw combat squads at me for no other reason than it is expected of a mission. Always lookin for missions that find other things to do besides fight and this is one good example.
Personally, as a straight guy I cant wait for the wedding! Bring on part 2! (Got my tux all ready and everything)
Helix - I picked up your ghost in the machine mission. Want to accept the mission but there seems to be no indication at all where or how to begin.
You're absolutely right... I am putting the necessary two lines of dialogue... anyway starting point is Kei system / Sirius system. Mass Effect is a rather popular multiplatform RPG - space based. You have your customized starship commander, and have various chances to get romance, just as could happen in your foundry story.
Hey I recently played The Rise of the Red Eclipse and here is my review
I liked your mission. Loved your maps and your story. I can not wait till part 2. i hope there is one. But i would watch how many mobs u have in closely together but other than that loved it. Keep up the great work.
P.S. Thanks for fixing that issue with the npc in the roof. Once again loved it and can not wait till part 2 comes out.
Name: The Unexpected Return Part Four
ID: ST-HJLZCA4DX
Author: Logitech007
Language: English
Allegiance: Starfleet-Federation
Level: 50
Version:V1.1:
Story: You and your team have made it back to Deep space nine from the Tzenkethi homeworld with some disturbing evidence of their super weapon capable of destroying entire planets. The Tzenkethi forces have set their eyes on destroying the Federation and the Klingon Empire with this weapon. Will the Tzenkethi forces succeed on destroying the Federation and the Klingon Empire or will you be able to destroy the Tzenkethi forces and their weapons before its too late?
Where to start:Wall console just outside of the Transporter room on Earth space dock.
A quick brief: good mission, fun and wonderful maps. Quite a few typos and, as an American, I was a little put off by the 9/11 and Gitmo bay reference but seeing as that may have been only me, I didn't factor that into the overall rating. In the end, 4 stars.
See a more detailed review below!
Kudos on populating the ship. It really did feel like an alive ship as I walked around.
When talking to Ensign Junior:
Tell me about your self should be yourself.
A lot of is that should be capitalized when talking in the first person. E.g. and i am in command should be and I am in command..
Seems to be a reoccurring issue with your self and i. Minor things, but still bug me LOL. I see the same thing when talking with Jesse Low.
Typo and syntax error when asking Low about the Hood. He states The preious U.S.S. Hood operator in the years 2268 and 2361. First, I think you mean previous. Secondly, what are you trying to say with this sentence? The previous operator was .?
OK, Lt Cmdr Qniz just freaks me out. Great job on the character design
More i issues Id go back and look at every bit of dialogue where someone is referring to themselves and change it to a capital I just for grammars sake.
When asking Qniz about his duties he states My dutie on the U.S.S. Hood is to piloting the vessel and my other roles are the navigator and helmsman Firstly, obvious typo there should be duties and I am pretty sure that piloting/navigating are the primary roles of the helmsman. According to Wiki, A helmsman or helm is a person who steers a ship, sailboat, submarine, other type of maritime vessel, or spacecraft. I am pretty sure Qniz can simply advise you that he is the Hoods helmsman. If you prefer, you could even say he is the senior helmsman.
When speaking to MRoaa he states I am Lt. Commander MRoaa, and a Caitain. I am the Tactical and security Officer All of this is fine, although I am not certain why these crewmembers need to tell me their lifes story However, as we continue, I was born on Cait, my home world now I serve the Federation.
This is one of those funny things where, unlike yourself, home world is two words. Also, I know he was born on Cait as A: he is obviously a Caitian and B: he told me he was a Catian. Im just being nitpicky here but already I dont trust these characters as they dont seem real to me .
Had a little trouble finding where to download the info there was no sparkly visual marker but maybe that was intentional.
After surprise attack, Lt Cmdr Audrel states They have fired a volley of quantum torpedos. Should be torpedoes, no apostrophe.
When you talk to the Romulan aboard the star base it pulls my name twice Welcome to Starbase 375, Ambassador. I am Vice Admiral Aiel Aiel maybe because I dont have a middle name or ? (same thing when greeting the Klingon Ambassador as well.
Ambassador Tela: It is finally a please to be off of
And Hmmmm I see, you want to know why these Aliens have several design belong to the Romulans. aliens, not Aliens and designs which belong, maybe?
Ambassador KMtok: Oh, and make sure you have got proof before accuing Accusing?
At this point I am confused.. is Kris Mento the bad guy here? If so, why am I so complacent in following his orders? Shouldnt I be wary that this guy is setting me up for a fall or something?
After the 2nd space battle, when hailing the Hood, Sola states I was infom by the warden.,.. Should be informed.
Good job on the hanging Klingon nice effect
Section 31 Agent after interrogating the Klingon: increase to fifty percent then wait an hour and sting him up to the wall youve already established they are torturing him at 90% - wouldnt it make more sense to decrease it to 50%? Secondly, typo./.. think you meant to string him up to the wall?
Wait . So Starfleet openly condones torture as a means to collect information now? Why am I not outraged at this? Thankfully my tactical officer has an issue with it but me, Im just an ******* LOL
Ok and this may JUST be me but as an American, I remember exactly where I was on 9/11. I remember the feeling of watching those planes fly into the towers still, torturing people in Gutmo was NOT an ok thing and the ends never justify the means. I wont use this as part of my overall review because it may just be my feelings on this but be careful when using something so real and still so raw. Its bound to get someones hackles up
Now, moving on next button now, everyone becareful and lets get him should be be careful.
On the next planet, after the second scan, when we locate the bunker, the button reads why didnt we not detected this earlier? I am assuming you mean Why did we not detect this earlier?
And then theres wildlife seriously, so far I am greatly impressed by your ability to make every map feel natural and alive. Well done!
Out of curiosity, why would they have the force field controls all the way outside?
Nice touch with the glass schematic walls again, great map detail.
BALLS! Balls balls everywhere! LOL DO YOU STILL THINK I DONT HAVE THE BALLS TO PULL THE TRIGGER THANK ABOUT IT. My admiral is ghetto! LOL
I think you meant think there, I think
Mento: Bluffing at poker, button: Yes I have and I have you to thanks for that.
Hmmm I confronted Mento before scanning the second wall if there are secret passages, why can I just walk up to him? Shouldnt that corridor end in a dead-end?
Why is there an explosion when I connect with the battle status? No one seems to notice it so why is it there 0-o
Overall I still have it 4 stars. Maps were great, story was interesting. Typos were my only real beef but as I recall, English isnt your first language, is it? If not, a remarkable job, really!
Hey prierin, thank you for playing part 1, I am going to do another run at spell check and grammer. I am glad that u liked it. Most ppl didn't mention the 9/11 but they did some mention the torture scene. I did cut it back tho.
The story is intriguing. A bit of a mystery. And that can be fun. It keeps you wanting more.
The characters are well-done. At one point, you are in a bar, which seemed almost like a "cantina" from Star Wars (I know this is Star Trek, but it had that kind of feel to it - not saying that's a bad thing). Everywhere you go in this mission there are awesome-looking aliens meandering around and it adds to the environment. The author definitely put a lot of work into making these creatures look like something you would see in a big-budget TV show or movie that would allow a lot of makeup and special effects done on background characters.
To me, the highlight of the mission was the maps. Each map is hand-crafted and included painstaking detail. The author used a multitude of different props that were used in ways that some of us might not have thought about using. I am reminded of a scene where you are in a place that can best be described as an airport. There was a customs station. There were scanners that you had to walk through very much like the full-body metal detectors that you go through to board an airplane. Then you had to deal with customs agents and there were people being questioned about items that they were trying to bring into this city, detainees, etc. It was pretty neat. Then, you have what I gather to be one of the most popular parts of the mission: A rooftop run while you're being chased. There you are, running and jumping with enemies in tow, high above a city. It was very well-done (just make sure you don't fall off!).
There was a scene in the caves where I fell into magma after being lost for awhile. It was a moment where I wish STO included a "suicide" option because there was no way for me to respawn.
The dialog needs a lot of polishing. There were a lot of typos, but I understand that many STO players are from various parts of the world and therefore English may not be their first language.
Overall: 4/5 stars and a job well-done.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] "The time has come to see the world as it is." - Captain James T. Kirk Twitter - @SDVargo
Despite author recommendations, I played straight to second part...
my theory is if the story is good it doesn't matter where you
pick it... however there is a good premise with the meeting with
Adm. Quinn and the others
Objection on the Alabantran's fate... you write that twenty
billions people were killed by the Borg, when it is a known fact
that the collective also absorb into their own other life forms,
the well known Borg assimilation trek canon... the fact that they
possessed all those qualities should have moved the Borg into
assimilating them all the more, not the opposite... maybe should have suffice to state that they couldn't be assimilated because of their physiology or something, so only their world has been taken, but the Alabantrans thrown away like rubbish - but that's my humble dime
on the subject...
Your advice to put at bay the away team (in map Deck 10) should
be put in the previous map (high brass meeting) too.
I like very the political situation depicted with Okag speaking,
serious stuff - you did not adhere to the "happy fleet" canon,
and I like it, wondering how far you will be going with this...
Assist convoy - initial invisible object has to be renamed.
Good plot use of transporter pad... your is solid story, that
keeps me interested.
Secure the president map is a good action packed one. So far I
had seen only minimal customisation, but there is a fine story
and a good care on the dialogs.
Suffered the worst fate of a starship commander...
I can't say I'm happy with it, I had fried those pirate ship all too easily...
Now I'm gonna play the third (last ?) part
Good job, 5 stars, 50 dil, period.
Yours helixfungus
Trade with a mission of mine, check "Ghost in the Machine" by helixfungus
I did this review for Uprising act 1 recently on my review thread.
Mariana system: This is a pretty map. USS should be U.S.S. Like how you have back stories for all the ships. I love the comet placement in this map.
U.S.S. Irwin: Hmm, the flickering floors, the smoke, I feel like I've stumbled onto a horror game
map. Good atmosphere setting right at the start. There is a lot of the "continue" button being used. I suggest typing in some dialogue responses to avoid this. Warp core is really nice.
Bridge: Nothing major to note.
Mariana Surface: I like this planet. NPCs have a good costume variety. Awesome job on that fortress!!
5/5. Great mission! It's only the first part but it's really exciting and you have some great map work. I can only imagine what you have in store for the next 2 parts.
Imperon system: Hmm, Caitian bridge officer here, you are forgiven for the last maps crimes XD.
Deck 9 forward: Great job making this place look battle-worn. For some reason I keep wanting to say Yarrrgh matey when I see the title Pirate on the enemies.
Deck 9 aft: A simple but good cinematic map.
Well, that was quite the ending. You have a very strong story here. I honestly dont know what else to wait except I cant wait.
5/5. Better story than even part 1.
I forgive you for killing the Caitian boffs because of the story .
Thank you for your reviews of Uprising. Much appreciated!
The little things each of you pointed out will be looked into. Sometimes they can be overlooked as we all know.
I'm really glad that you enjoyed Act II. Hopefully you will play Act III and find that equally as enjoyable.
I am currently polishing up the script and rough layouts of the maps for Act IV. Costume designing has been completed. So actually getting into the Foundry and building Act IV will be starting very soon. I have some big things planned for what will be the final installment so it may take some extra time to get it to how I envision it. I think it'll be fitting for the series.
And don't worry, Ashkrik23, no Caitians were injured in the making of the Uprising series.
Zorbane, thank you for adding Uprising: Act III - Epsilon to the list!
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] "The time has come to see the world as it is." - Captain James T. Kirk Twitter - @SDVargo
Good mission with good detail in story and maps. The costumes werent bad either and I liked how the Organians were depicted (yeah yeah spoilers but its in the name of the mission). Theres a lot of grammar mistakes but helixfungus is not a native english speaker so I didnt worry too much about that. The story is mostly consistent but the end kind of goes wonky when the Undine show up all of a sudden. Polish wise there are a ton of unnamed NPCs, in fact it seems like most unimportant NPCs who arent important to the plot are not named. In the end I gave it a three out of five stars.
General
I put grammar/spelling corrections on here for you. I didnt consider them in my star rating because its not your native language.
Interesting follow up to the TOS episode
Lots of unnamed NPCs
Quite long and many maps
Prologue
Good practice to put the start location of the mission in the description and first objective. What happens if I pick up your mission and then dont start right away? I might forget.
Map - Same Nightmare Every Night
Grammar: I must quit to eat pizza before going to sleep - I must quit eating pizza before going to sleep
Grammar: how is it possible that spawns entirely from my imagination ? - how is it possible that it spawns entirely from my imagination?
Typo: can stand it anymore - cant (missing t)
Grammar: and you are being late [Rank]. - and you are late [Rank].
Quick map. May be OK if it fits into the story line.
Map - Counseling about it
Grammar: and the contendents are human versus Klingons - and the contenders are human versus Klingon (I think this is what you mean)
Typo: Dont look so surprised, [Rank] - Dont look so surprised, [Rank]. Missing apostrophe and period
Grammar: Think of it as a telepathic equivalent of a clearing the throat before speaking aloud. - Think of it as a telepathic equivalent of clearing the throat before speaking aloud.
Grammar: burst cut straight into subconscious, - burst cut straight into the subconscious,
Grammar (button) I dont think in dream interpretations - I dont believe in dream interpretations (im not sure if this has the same meaning as what you wanted)
Discussing Klingons invading organia
Grammar: Then the klingon went and invaded them. - Then the Klingons went and invaded them.
Grammar (button) Yes I remember this from Academy - Yes I remember this from the Academy
Officer saying Starbase 44 is under attack
Grammar: What are we about to do - What are we going to do
I didnt knwo what to do when I finished the dialogue. Maybe something that tells me to go to the turbolift in [MissionInfo] Text after the dialogue is all done
Map - Starbase 44 Proximity
Good looking map
Good challenge fight
Kill enemies way point is in the wrong place. Make sure the pin is near where the fight is supposed to be or turn the way point off.
Grammar (button): is there any casualties - are there any casualties
Map - Starbase 44 Interior
Why did you name the commander Cmdr. Phillips not Commander Phillips
Typo: currenly offline - currently offline
I dont really like how the map starts. I show up and this commander starts bossing me around like Heres a list of stuff to do now go do it. I dont even know whats wrong.
Unnamed NPCs. When you change their costume their name becomes the costume name (Starfleet Captain Eng Saurian Female 01) There are a lot o them, check the actors list
Nice lots of detail on this map
Map - Another Little Nightmare
Unnamed NPCs again
Map - Starbase 44 Proximity - Warping out
Grammar: But my call cause that message need a ship to be sent to Organia - I dont really know what this means
Some unnamed ship costumes
Very quick map
Map - Organia System
Grammar: however seems to me completely inactive - however it seems to be completely inactive
Typo (objective): SCan the inactive Borg Cube
Interact with Borg Cube is not named
Interact button text not set
After scanning Borg cube talking about klingon station
Typo:which seems absolutely adandoned - abandoned
Interact with Klingon station not named
Interact button text not set
Map - Aboard The Enterprise
Grammar: We have splitted into two parties - We have split into two parties
Grammar: We need to encounter with some other of my kind -
Grammar: Please advance till the last chamber on the left - Please advance to the last chamber on the left
(talking to Kentor)
Grammar:we catched Kentor, and bring him with us - We caught Kentor, and brought him with us
Interesting way to show a normal Organian
Map - Organia?!?
Typo: thia place is almost identical - this place
Unnamed NPCs (Feklhiri etc). Almost all of them are unnamed
Very nice map work
(Talking with Kentor)
Grammar: We value very our friendship with the Vulcans - We highly value our friendship with the Vulcans
Grammar: but look at they became after all these centuries - but look at what they became after all these centuries
Typo: all that llogic - logic
Map - Conference Room
Grammar: What range have your powers - What is the range of your powers?
Spelling: you have to decide wether or not I will be granted ambassadorial status - whether
Grammar/Spelling: strange new worlds...and meybe find there candidates- meybe is maybe, but I also dont know what you mean by this phrase
Button Typo:I have alredy spoken to the brass - already
Grammar/Typo: Please cover your eyes, tha transfer produce brightness - the transfer is extremely bright.
Map - Shuttlecraft Bay
Unnamed npcs
Very fast map
The Undine came out of nowhere
Map - Among the Stars
Again the Undine, all of a sudden and makes no sense
Creative story involving the Tholians, where you dont always shoot them (although you do shoot a lot of them). It seems a lot more rough than Sons of Organia though. Additionally too many maps makes the story disjointed and hard to follow. Again three out of five.
Details:
General
Im not gona keep track of grammar mistakes it took way too long last time
Not given much direction when I enter a map, I go in and i dont know what im supposd to do without looking at the objective list
Too many maps
NPC names
Many objectives need interact text
Prologue
Im pretty sure there are actual doors to use so you don't have to do the console then door thing.
Map - Earth Space Dock Interior#2
Unnamed NPCs
Extremely quick map, just 1 dialogue and change map
Map - Earth Space Dock Proximity
No use for this map
Map - Ketrana Orbital Proximity
No interact text for objective
Quick map again
I like the way you made the station have weapons
Map - Orbital Defense Platform - 1 Interior
No interact text for Reprogram Station IA Also did you mean AI?
Rather quick again, Kill some people press buttons and leave
Map - Ketrana Orbital Proximity#2
Quick map
Map - Tara Davell House Location
Unnamed npcs (the animals)
No interact text for Reach the underground entrance
Quick map (talk and then component complete)
Map - Orella City #1
Wtf I spawned in the air lol
Unnamed NPCs
Walked for a long time just go beam up
Map - Ketrana Orbital Proximity#3
Unnamed npcs tholian_mk2
Another quick map!
Map - Orella City #2
Very nice map
The table and chairs are sunken in the ground
Unnamed NPCs
No interact text for Take the elevator down to street level
need new respawn points died and had to run all the way back
-PHEW- so much for the soft rocks (remember I asked you of throwing the soft... not the hard ones...?)
By all means I am satisfied with the tons of stuff I have to put my hand into... I've already polished "Sons" by your advices... As you know, it was my very first mission that I dare to publish and keep there... and I am pretty much satisfied with it, because the story came first. I cannot help but correct the grammar screwups... I can't use an ITA Word because it can check only italian grammar, but I suddenly realised that can be some linux live cd that can have a sort of office tools, including checking grammar... I can't rely on you (or others at SBUGC ) to check my grammar every time... I ask only if you know some way to save all the dialogs of a mission without going copy'n'paste crazy...
Ah, the Undine... I wish to end the story with some foretell on Kentor future, and the danger he may face doing the hard work for the Organians.
I added a couple of lines which define better why they are there. However...
First you have to recall that Undine undercover agents are scattered in the fleet, maybe in your very ship , you can't foretell... think at the boy "Wes Crusher" style, can't remember the name right now, who was helping Tuvok in "A step between stars" - and I wrote "Sons" more than a year ago, before the Tuvok feature.
Why they want to kidnap Kentor ? They know it's an Organian representative, a race that tilted heavily the galactic balance of power in the past imposing the Organian Treaty, maybe they want to interrogate him, maybe they want to know how he can mantain a telepathic connection with them. Grasp some of that sheer power somehow...
And it would have been no justice to the mission end it just like that, waving goodbye to our friend.
With "City" I did a different thing, first I did a test map of a city, and then I wondered what story can be drawn around it.
In the light of your thorough review I think this one needs a complete revision, and I'm withdrawing it.
However... let me put my dime on some points...
I remember that foundry loading times were way shorter than now... all began after the romulan went on... in particular the mission was written when loading times were "affordable"
And I think sometimes you have to make some continuity link map to boost the credibility if your mission, Example: you click the well known wall console outside transporter room on ESD and on the first map you find yourself in the Delta Quadrant... hmmmm
Maybe in my desire to smooth things for the casual player I exaggerated... I will see to it.
For space station defenses try to put an enemy contact into it... can you thank Kirkfat for that trick when you'll see him ? Yep, that was after one of his tutorials...
Yea the grammar stuff I don't mind, what you could do is put in the mission grant dialogue that you are Italian and to excuse any English errors. Not everyone will remember this though lol.
My biggest technical issues were the unnamed npcs. When you change an NPC's costume it uses the costume's name as the NPC's name so you need to remember to change it.
As for the "many map" thing it's a personal preference thing to me but I think it's important to have as few maps as possible as each map transition interrupts the story and breaks player immersion. When I was playing The City on the Edge of Hope, I eventually started forgetting what the story was and had to stop and think to myself what happened in the beginning.
The overall story for both missions were really interesting though and I enjoyed finding out what was going on.
I know this is way off topic, but is related to my personal problem of how to perform "error scans" on my english grammar... in effect IT CAN BE done without going copy'n'paste crazy... it exist a partial feature built in the Foundry editor that allows to save somehow all that is regarging one's mission, including, but not only, the dialogs...
Good customization of the good ol defiant interior... I think it's the best premade interior so far... said so, maybe you should warn the player to use a fed ship, or warn about the fact that in the missions there are fed interiors of own ship that aren't customizable - said so I was happily playing the mission with my pretty Obelisk Carrier nonetheless... my thoughts are on the casual player who will think "wait a minute, I am flying with a Ferengi D'Kora Cruiser"...
(mild spoilers beyond this point)
Plot point at begin of Track USS Sacrifice map... it's unbeliavable to travel from a star system to another at impulse power in only 36 hrs... impulse power it's below speed of light
A Federation ship with a cloaking device... wait a minute...
Then it is not one as such, but works as one, ok, then why other fed ships can't have it ?
However, a giant ship that is also a starbase resembling a Galaxy class stretch my limits though...
The Epsilon explanation was brilliant, a fearsome concept indeed. Congrats.
You should also populate for good the Sacrifice interior, in "get answers" map I see very few NPC to none... just to nod at the size of the thing...
The story proceed with an intense pace to its (temporarily, cause a IV part is on the way...) end...
I found this episode to be somewhat rushed in the maps details... it's rather clear that you have in mind the pace of your story though. Bear in mind I'm not a big fan of episodes. 4 stars this time.
Hey Zorbane... first off, thanks to you (and the others here) I have polished the mission up a bit... added a few more challenges here and there (a second wave of stronger ships to appear after you defeat the first set of Cardassians, a few more ground troops, etc.) and made quite a few edits based off of your notes.
However, I think I found the reason for my confusion in your review... remember how I said that a lot of the issues (Cpt instead of Captain, unnamed NPCs, etc.) I swear I had fixed? That's because I had already fixed them... you must have put the mission in your queue before I had updated it and the changes didnt reflect in your version in fact, 9/10 of the issues you pointed out were already corrected.
Thats actually good to know that if any of us have a mission in our queues and they are updated before we have a chance to play them, we will have to drop the mission and re-accept it to see the changes in our play through so I think we may have inadvertently exposed a bug in the foundry that I dont think can be fixed but we should all be aware of
Perhaps when we edit our mission based off of review(s) we should make a post to note these changes anyone that has the mission in their logs prior to the edit date should be encouraged to drop and pick the mission up before playing again
The one thing that I couldnt fix was the stop to Risa before the mission actually began I am not a fan of short maps either now (although Cryptic does it A LOT, especially in earlier missions) but I tried to get in and out of that map as quickly as possible .
A heavy combat mission, it has an interesting storyline but is extremely light and inconsistent in its delivery. Theres very little dialogue, and very little integration between the objectives and story (until the end). Also there is really no background story either. There are some bright spots. The combat while in the research facility is quite fun, and the way confedinblue used the map was pretty good. The last couple of maps may have gone overboard but in general combat was fun. Final score three out of five stars.
General
Little story, very inconsistent.
They way you used the Klingon interior map was very well done.
Lots of maps with little to do, especially the first few.
Prologue
Good idea to put the system name in the first objective. Include the Sector Block would be better!
Needs more background story. All I have is one line about how a science team failed to report in. What were they researching, whos in charge etc.
Map - Noro System
Nothing to do on this map just one dialogue and then fly to the planet. This dialogue could have been put in the pop up when you start the mission at the Noro System and then immediately sent to the next map
Map - Finding Research Station Entrance
Dialogue abrupt and uninteresting. Quick sentences with no character
Quick Empty map. Run to two reach markers
Map - Research Facility
Huh interesting response by the Vulcan
Objective: Find Sarkee. Who is sarkee why should I find this person? How do I know that I need to find this person?
Objective: Explore facility? Sarkee told me to stop the Fekleri (no idea how to spel it). So far the objectives and story dont match up
Map details are very well done with the people going crazy
Interesting way you restricted player movement with the walls. Not sure how it fits in the mission though
Ack rabid epohhs, Ill need a visit to sick bay aftre this
Objective: Reach Turbolift? Why am I doing that? You need to fit the story and objectives together or its very un-immersive for the player.
Would have liked some more dialogue with the Admiral. Do not go in there? Why?
Map - Facility Control Room
Fun map
Would like some more story
On the way out
Kind of difficult fight right outside the door
Next map (forgot name)
Also fun, but the last two were pretty quick maps
Map - Leaving Noro System
Got fed up with all the fighting and just flew past everything
Comments
and yea the way you use the building objects (I assume they were building objects) made it really look like an alley not an open "street" like it normally is
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
Give you a claustrophobic feeling.
An extremely well done mission which has an immense amount of detail in the maps, costumes and background story. The amount of background dialogue is quite abundant. Its very story heavy so action players might not enjoy the beginning but its definitely interesting. Theres also a very interesting parkour section where you must reach the top of a mountain by navigating a series of jumping puzzles. Unfortunately I never finished it as I spent about 20 minutes trying to figure out what to do before I gave up and went to sleep. It was too bad because it was an interesting and well done story.
Technically there was very little wrong with the mission. I did find there were too many maps, several which could be combined. I also wasnt a big fan of starting the mission at the ESD console.
In the end I didnt give the mission a rating as I didnt finish it. Ignoring the jumping puzzle that I couldnt complete, only rating from what I had seen, I would have given it a 5 star rating.
Details:
General
prolific use of invisible objects, think of replacing them with tiny interactable objects. I like to use isolinear chips (thanks to Rellimtime32)
Lots and lots of maps. I feel like they could be combined although I understand why some were done this way due to the effects used
Quite Long
Prologue
Romulan says Im going to meet him in Gamma Eridon but starts at the ESD Console?
Map - Eridon System
Super quick map talk to the guy and finish
Could you have not just had that dialogue at the actual system
Map - R.R.W Inquirer
Nice maps and tricks
Objective to handle the console was an invisible object not the actual console, curious why you did this
What costume is Commander Vitel? Did you make it by hand?
I feel like this map was short too,if the player decided not to do the optional stuff. I feel like its a bit of a shame too because its a really nice map!
Map - Coordinates xxxx
Oh dear lord its bright Im blind!!!
Short map, scan 3 times and leave
Map - Coordinates xxxx
Im blind again!
Wasnt told what to do after eavesdropping
They look really nice
Map - The Chamber
Scan 8 invisible objects? Thats a lot, its like I broken my tricorder or something
Fun to do puzzles for once
Some of them were a bit frustrating though and i button mashed the last few
Map - Somewhre
Interesting!!!
Could be easy to just skip the conversation with the dude as the actual objective waypoint is on the minimap, why did you do it that way?
Map - Roeau System
Short map
Map - Null Junction
I passed the NPC group that showed up. I turned around to destroy it in case it would bug the mission. (I stopped before Enter the genesis envelope)
No details on the map but I thought it was well done
Map - Null
Curious how you made it its like all my settings went to potato
Issue is that it is hard to find the objectives
Map - Null Planet
Scan the platofrm - wrong tricorder (i took out a klingon one!)
Parkour used the same piece over and over, would have been nice for some variety
After 20 minutes I gave up
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
Mission(s):
Shore Leave Under Seige
camping it up... good use of trigger, nice initial mood - can't
help but think to initial part of Star Trek V (classic movie)
The city was very detailed, the cultural heritage center NPC
dialogues very well written and funny. Can't help but flirt with
Kerry the trill gal... almost a' la Mass Effect affair I have to
concede you that. And a great nod at Kirk classic "maneuvers"...
Interiors of hotel/hotel rooms were absolutely adequate, right
down to the receptionist desk.
What's the atomic weight of the foundrinium..never mind...
Kirri took almost infinite time to open that door... a tech
glitch I think...had to change character to continue the story.
I like the final turn on things... I will not go into further
details to spoil things to whoever wants to try the mission... I
think you should warn female players that the story involve a
romance with a girl though.
One thing only... I spent almost an hour to find that darn
hotel... please, spare future players that torture and give that
objective a minimap signature
5 stars and 100 dil tip, no question
As for the hotel, there are wall mounted maps throughout the city that give you details about the sights and also directions and even beacons to direct you to your objectives. Or you can ask around.
But as soon as I get some time I will look into making that clearer for the player.
Thanks again,
J.
(ps. never played mass effect so no idea about that reference)
Saving Bajor from a plague from the past.
MAP 1: Bajor space. Love the background star ring, though Bajor itself seemed quite dark (which may be a bug)
MAP 2: This Bajor ground map is so good beautiful and detailed that it immediately sets a tone of quality. Kendra has populated it well enough to feel like a city though I would recommend having a crowd in the area where shouting can be heard.
MAP 3: DS9 space. Not sure when it occurred but the second warp field I passed through I actually had to fly up to the warp field before it began. I suppose I could have entered warp and dropped out. The planets are quite close after all.
MAP 4: DS9 interior well-populated. Not sure why I was looking at weapons here. Other than to give the Ferengi time to do his thing. I wonder if there is something else I could do, or even options of things to do that would be entertaining?
MAP 5: Cardassian space (liked the touches of the clouds you fly through here)
MAP 6: Cardassia ground. A great build. Very bleak and atmospheric custom map. Took me a while to find the people I needed to talk to but wasnt terribly difficult.
MAP 7: Cardassia space. Good use of some optional fighting here.
MAP 8: Custom mess hall a nice little set. And should mention that the talky bits can be skipped throughout, though I didnt.
MAP 9: Memory Alpha. Theres a good lab-based bit of work to do here that made a nice change to the usual press-this-fight-that routine. I did at this point notice I was getting a lot of action description in my dialogue button that felt a little like reading fanfiction, but every author has their own style, their own use of buttons and green/gold text.
Look out for the author on this map*
Starting to feel sorry for Tribbles though. They seem to be the new guinea pigs these days. ;o)
MAP 10: Sickbay. Another custom. A lot of custom maps here for a first-timer which is bold, brave and successfully done. An interesting use of the TOS turbolift and 1-sided wall textures.
MAP 11: Bajor ground. A hands-on resolution, which strangely felt a little shorter than it could be.
For a 1st mission there is some very nice use of tech obviously the author has done homework and thought hard about presentation before building this mission.
In honesty I am not much of a fan of Bajorans or Cardassians, but Kendras passion for these races and their relationship is clear from her attention to the story and dialogue.
At some points it does feel a little anti-Cardy but with 2 main characters being Cardassian I cant really accuse it of such.
I like that this mission didnt feel the need to throw combat squads at me for no other reason than it is expected of a mission. Always lookin for missions that find other things to do besides fight and this is one good example.
Personally, as a straight guy I cant wait for the wedding! Bring on part 2! (Got my tux all ready and everything)
You're absolutely right... I am putting the necessary two lines of dialogue... anyway starting point is Kei system / Sirius system. Mass Effect is a rather popular multiplatform RPG - space based. You have your customized starship commander, and have various chances to get romance, just as could happen in your foundry story.
I liked your mission. Loved your maps and your story. I can not wait till part 2. i hope there is one. But i would watch how many mobs u have in closely together but other than that loved it. Keep up the great work.
P.S. Thanks for fixing that issue with the npc in the roof. Once again loved it and can not wait till part 2 comes out.
Great work. Keep it up
Thanks Logitech007
Name: The Unexpected Return Part Four
ID: ST-HJLZCA4DX
Author: Logitech007
Language: English
Allegiance: Starfleet-Federation
Level: 50
Version:V1.1:
Story: You and your team have made it back to Deep space nine from the Tzenkethi homeworld with some disturbing evidence of their super weapon capable of destroying entire planets. The Tzenkethi forces have set their eyes on destroying the Federation and the Klingon Empire with this weapon. Will the Tzenkethi forces succeed on destroying the Federation and the Klingon Empire or will you be able to destroy the Tzenkethi forces and their weapons before its too late?
Where to start:Wall console just outside of the Transporter room on Earth space dock.
Thank you for taking the time to play it.
Thanks
Logitech007
See a more detailed review below!
Kudos on populating the ship. It really did feel like an alive ship as I walked around.
When talking to Ensign Junior:
Tell me about your self should be yourself.
A lot of is that should be capitalized when talking in the first person. E.g. and i am in command should be and I am in command..
Seems to be a reoccurring issue with your self and i. Minor things, but still bug me LOL. I see the same thing when talking with Jesse Low.
Typo and syntax error when asking Low about the Hood. He states The preious U.S.S. Hood operator in the years 2268 and 2361. First, I think you mean previous. Secondly, what are you trying to say with this sentence? The previous operator was .?
OK, Lt Cmdr Qniz just freaks me out. Great job on the character design
More i issues Id go back and look at every bit of dialogue where someone is referring to themselves and change it to a capital I just for grammars sake.
When asking Qniz about his duties he states My dutie on the U.S.S. Hood is to piloting the vessel and my other roles are the navigator and helmsman Firstly, obvious typo there should be duties and I am pretty sure that piloting/navigating are the primary roles of the helmsman. According to Wiki, A helmsman or helm is a person who steers a ship, sailboat, submarine, other type of maritime vessel, or spacecraft. I am pretty sure Qniz can simply advise you that he is the Hoods helmsman. If you prefer, you could even say he is the senior helmsman.
When speaking to MRoaa he states I am Lt. Commander MRoaa, and a Caitain. I am the Tactical and security Officer All of this is fine, although I am not certain why these crewmembers need to tell me their lifes story However, as we continue, I was born on Cait, my home world now I serve the Federation.
This is one of those funny things where, unlike yourself, home world is two words. Also, I know he was born on Cait as A: he is obviously a Caitian and B: he told me he was a Catian. Im just being nitpicky here but already I dont trust these characters as they dont seem real to me .
Had a little trouble finding where to download the info there was no sparkly visual marker but maybe that was intentional.
After surprise attack, Lt Cmdr Audrel states They have fired a volley of quantum torpedos. Should be torpedoes, no apostrophe.
When you talk to the Romulan aboard the star base it pulls my name twice Welcome to Starbase 375, Ambassador. I am Vice Admiral Aiel Aiel maybe because I dont have a middle name or ? (same thing when greeting the Klingon Ambassador as well.
Ambassador Tela: It is finally a please to be off of
And Hmmmm I see, you want to know why these Aliens have several design belong to the Romulans. aliens, not Aliens and designs which belong, maybe?
Ambassador KMtok: Oh, and make sure you have got proof before accuing Accusing?
At this point I am confused.. is Kris Mento the bad guy here? If so, why am I so complacent in following his orders? Shouldnt I be wary that this guy is setting me up for a fall or something?
After the 2nd space battle, when hailing the Hood, Sola states I was infom by the warden.,.. Should be informed.
Good job on the hanging Klingon nice effect
Section 31 Agent after interrogating the Klingon: increase to fifty percent then wait an hour and sting him up to the wall youve already established they are torturing him at 90% - wouldnt it make more sense to decrease it to 50%? Secondly, typo./.. think you meant to string him up to the wall?
Wait . So Starfleet openly condones torture as a means to collect information now? Why am I not outraged at this? Thankfully my tactical officer has an issue with it but me, Im just an ******* LOL
Ok and this may JUST be me but as an American, I remember exactly where I was on 9/11. I remember the feeling of watching those planes fly into the towers still, torturing people in Gutmo was NOT an ok thing and the ends never justify the means. I wont use this as part of my overall review because it may just be my feelings on this but be careful when using something so real and still so raw. Its bound to get someones hackles up
Now, moving on next button now, everyone becareful and lets get him should be be careful.
On the next planet, after the second scan, when we locate the bunker, the button reads why didnt we not detected this earlier? I am assuming you mean Why did we not detect this earlier?
And then theres wildlife seriously, so far I am greatly impressed by your ability to make every map feel natural and alive. Well done!
Out of curiosity, why would they have the force field controls all the way outside?
Nice touch with the glass schematic walls again, great map detail.
BALLS! Balls balls everywhere! LOL DO YOU STILL THINK I DONT HAVE THE BALLS TO PULL THE TRIGGER THANK ABOUT IT. My admiral is ghetto! LOL
I think you meant think there, I think
Mento: Bluffing at poker, button: Yes I have and I have you to thanks for that.
Hmmm I confronted Mento before scanning the second wall if there are secret passages, why can I just walk up to him? Shouldnt that corridor end in a dead-end?
Why is there an explosion when I connect with the battle status? No one seems to notice it so why is it there 0-o
Overall I still have it 4 stars. Maps were great, story was interesting. Typos were my only real beef but as I recall, English isnt your first language, is it? If not, a remarkable job, really!
Kudos!
Have fun playing parts 2 3 and 4.
Thanks Logitech007
O&FK/
I gave the mission 4 stars.
The story is intriguing. A bit of a mystery. And that can be fun. It keeps you wanting more.
The characters are well-done. At one point, you are in a bar, which seemed almost like a "cantina" from Star Wars (I know this is Star Trek, but it had that kind of feel to it - not saying that's a bad thing). Everywhere you go in this mission there are awesome-looking aliens meandering around and it adds to the environment. The author definitely put a lot of work into making these creatures look like something you would see in a big-budget TV show or movie that would allow a lot of makeup and special effects done on background characters.
To me, the highlight of the mission was the maps. Each map is hand-crafted and included painstaking detail. The author used a multitude of different props that were used in ways that some of us might not have thought about using. I am reminded of a scene where you are in a place that can best be described as an airport. There was a customs station. There were scanners that you had to walk through very much like the full-body metal detectors that you go through to board an airplane. Then you had to deal with customs agents and there were people being questioned about items that they were trying to bring into this city, detainees, etc. It was pretty neat. Then, you have what I gather to be one of the most popular parts of the mission: A rooftop run while you're being chased. There you are, running and jumping with enemies in tow, high above a city. It was very well-done (just make sure you don't fall off!).
There was a scene in the caves where I fell into magma after being lost for awhile. It was a moment where I wish STO included a "suicide" option because there was no way for me to respawn.
The dialog needs a lot of polishing. There were a lot of typos, but I understand that many STO players are from various parts of the world and therefore English may not be their first language.
Overall: 4/5 stars and a job well-done.
"The time has come to see the world as it is." - Captain James T. Kirk
Twitter - @SDVargo
Despite author recommendations, I played straight to second part...
my theory is if the story is good it doesn't matter where you
pick it... however there is a good premise with the meeting with
Adm. Quinn and the others
Objection on the Alabantran's fate... you write that twenty
billions people were killed by the Borg, when it is a known fact
that the collective also absorb into their own other life forms,
the well known Borg assimilation trek canon... the fact that they
possessed all those qualities should have moved the Borg into
assimilating them all the more, not the opposite... maybe should have suffice to state that they couldn't be assimilated because of their physiology or something, so only their world has been taken, but the Alabantrans thrown away like rubbish - but that's my humble dime
on the subject...
Your advice to put at bay the away team (in map Deck 10) should
be put in the previous map (high brass meeting) too.
I like very the political situation depicted with Okag speaking,
serious stuff - you did not adhere to the "happy fleet" canon,
and I like it, wondering how far you will be going with this...
Assist convoy - initial invisible object has to be renamed.
Good plot use of transporter pad... your is solid story, that
keeps me interested.
Secure the president map is a good action packed one. So far I
had seen only minimal customisation, but there is a fine story
and a good care on the dialogs.
Suffered the worst fate of a starship commander...
I can't say I'm happy with it, I had fried those pirate ship all too easily...
Now I'm gonna play the third (last ?) part
Good job, 5 stars, 50 dil, period.
Yours helixfungus
Trade with a mission of mine, check "Ghost in the Machine" by helixfungus
I'll have Sons of Organia done tomorrow, and if lucky City on the Edge of Hope.
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
Mariana system: This is a pretty map. USS should be U.S.S. Like how you have back stories for all the ships. I love the comet placement in this map.
U.S.S. Irwin: Hmm, the flickering floors, the smoke, I feel like I've stumbled onto a horror game
map. Good atmosphere setting right at the start. There is a lot of the "continue" button being used. I suggest typing in some dialogue responses to avoid this. Warp core is really nice.
Bridge: Nothing major to note.
Mariana Surface: I like this planet. NPCs have a good costume variety. Awesome job on that fortress!!
5/5. Great mission! It's only the first part but it's really exciting and you have some great map work. I can only imagine what you have in store for the next 2 parts.
Keep it up!
At the opening dialogue in the phrase, These ones come straight from the top, It should be These come instead of these ones.
U.S.S. Longstreet: Ensign Rex the Caitian uses a Klingon tricorder occasionally. Nothing major to note, great dialogue with an interesting backstory.
Deck 10: Every character is named, great work! A painting in the room with Okeg is not raised on the wall.
Battle Bridge: Your dialogue and story is very strong here. A good display of tactics in battle.
Delta system: Nice warp transition.
Bridge: Not much to note here.
Battle bridge 2: Nice explosion effect. Noooo, the Caitian got knocked out/killed.
Imperon system: Hmm, Caitian bridge officer here, you are forgiven for the last maps crimes XD.
Deck 9 forward: Great job making this place look battle-worn. For some reason I keep wanting to say Yarrrgh matey when I see the title Pirate on the enemies.
Deck 9 aft: A simple but good cinematic map.
Well, that was quite the ending. You have a very strong story here. I honestly dont know what else to wait except I cant wait.
5/5. Better story than even part 1.
I forgive you for killing the Caitian boffs because of the story .
Thank you for your reviews of Uprising. Much appreciated!
The little things each of you pointed out will be looked into. Sometimes they can be overlooked as we all know.
I'm really glad that you enjoyed Act II. Hopefully you will play Act III and find that equally as enjoyable.
I am currently polishing up the script and rough layouts of the maps for Act IV. Costume designing has been completed. So actually getting into the Foundry and building Act IV will be starting very soon. I have some big things planned for what will be the final installment so it may take some extra time to get it to how I envision it. I think it'll be fitting for the series.
And don't worry, Ashkrik23, no Caitians were injured in the making of the Uprising series.
Zorbane, thank you for adding Uprising: Act III - Epsilon to the list!
"The time has come to see the world as it is." - Captain James T. Kirk
Twitter - @SDVargo
Good mission with good detail in story and maps. The costumes werent bad either and I liked how the Organians were depicted (yeah yeah spoilers but its in the name of the mission). Theres a lot of grammar mistakes but helixfungus is not a native english speaker so I didnt worry too much about that. The story is mostly consistent but the end kind of goes wonky when the Undine show up all of a sudden. Polish wise there are a ton of unnamed NPCs, in fact it seems like most unimportant NPCs who arent important to the plot are not named. In the end I gave it a three out of five stars.
General
I put grammar/spelling corrections on here for you. I didnt consider them in my star rating because its not your native language.
Interesting follow up to the TOS episode
Lots of unnamed NPCs
Quite long and many maps
Prologue
Good practice to put the start location of the mission in the description and first objective. What happens if I pick up your mission and then dont start right away? I might forget.
Map - Same Nightmare Every Night
Grammar: I must quit to eat pizza before going to sleep - I must quit eating pizza before going to sleep
Grammar: how is it possible that spawns entirely from my imagination ? - how is it possible that it spawns entirely from my imagination?
Typo: can stand it anymore - cant (missing t)
Grammar: and you are being late [Rank]. - and you are late [Rank].
Quick map. May be OK if it fits into the story line.
Map - Counseling about it
Grammar: and the contendents are human versus Klingons - and the contenders are human versus Klingon (I think this is what you mean)
Typo: Dont look so surprised, [Rank] - Dont look so surprised, [Rank]. Missing apostrophe and period
Grammar: Think of it as a telepathic equivalent of a clearing the throat before speaking aloud. - Think of it as a telepathic equivalent of clearing the throat before speaking aloud.
Grammar: burst cut straight into subconscious, - burst cut straight into the subconscious,
Grammar (button) I dont think in dream interpretations - I dont believe in dream interpretations (im not sure if this has the same meaning as what you wanted)
Discussing Klingons invading organia
Grammar: Then the klingon went and invaded them. - Then the Klingons went and invaded them.
Grammar (button) Yes I remember this from Academy - Yes I remember this from the Academy
Officer saying Starbase 44 is under attack
Grammar: What are we about to do - What are we going to do
I didnt knwo what to do when I finished the dialogue. Maybe something that tells me to go to the turbolift in [MissionInfo] Text after the dialogue is all done
Map - Starbase 44 Proximity
Good looking map
Good challenge fight
Kill enemies way point is in the wrong place. Make sure the pin is near where the fight is supposed to be or turn the way point off.
Grammar (button): is there any casualties - are there any casualties
Map - Starbase 44 Interior
Why did you name the commander Cmdr. Phillips not Commander Phillips
Typo: currenly offline - currently offline
I dont really like how the map starts. I show up and this commander starts bossing me around like Heres a list of stuff to do now go do it. I dont even know whats wrong.
Unnamed NPCs. When you change their costume their name becomes the costume name (Starfleet Captain Eng Saurian Female 01) There are a lot o them, check the actors list
Nice lots of detail on this map
Map - Another Little Nightmare
Unnamed NPCs again
Map - Starbase 44 Proximity - Warping out
Grammar: But my call cause that message need a ship to be sent to Organia - I dont really know what this means
Some unnamed ship costumes
Very quick map
Map - Organia System
Grammar: however seems to me completely inactive - however it seems to be completely inactive
Typo (objective): SCan the inactive Borg Cube
Interact with Borg Cube is not named
Interact button text not set
After scanning Borg cube talking about klingon station
Typo:which seems absolutely adandoned - abandoned
Interact with Klingon station not named
Interact button text not set
Map - Aboard The Enterprise
Grammar: We have splitted into two parties - We have split into two parties
Grammar: We need to encounter with some other of my kind -
Grammar: Please advance till the last chamber on the left - Please advance to the last chamber on the left
(talking to Kentor)
Grammar:we catched Kentor, and bring him with us - We caught Kentor, and brought him with us
Interesting way to show a normal Organian
Map - Organia?!?
Typo: thia place is almost identical - this place
Unnamed NPCs (Feklhiri etc). Almost all of them are unnamed
Very nice map work
(Talking with Kentor)
Grammar: We value very our friendship with the Vulcans - We highly value our friendship with the Vulcans
Grammar: but look at they became after all these centuries - but look at what they became after all these centuries
Typo: all that llogic - logic
Map - Conference Room
Grammar: What range have your powers - What is the range of your powers?
Spelling: you have to decide wether or not I will be granted ambassadorial status - whether
Grammar/Spelling: strange new worlds...and meybe find there candidates- meybe is maybe, but I also dont know what you mean by this phrase
Button Typo:I have alredy spoken to the brass - already
Grammar/Typo: Please cover your eyes, tha transfer produce brightness - the transfer is extremely bright.
Map - Shuttlecraft Bay
Unnamed npcs
Very fast map
The Undine came out of nowhere
Map - Among the Stars
Again the Undine, all of a sudden and makes no sense
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
Creative story involving the Tholians, where you dont always shoot them (although you do shoot a lot of them). It seems a lot more rough than Sons of Organia though. Additionally too many maps makes the story disjointed and hard to follow. Again three out of five.
Details:
General
Im not gona keep track of grammar mistakes it took way too long last time
Not given much direction when I enter a map, I go in and i dont know what im supposd to do without looking at the objective list
Too many maps
NPC names
Many objectives need interact text
Prologue
Im pretty sure there are actual doors to use so you don't have to do the console then door thing.
Map - Earth Space Dock Interior#2
Unnamed NPCs
Extremely quick map, just 1 dialogue and change map
Map - Earth Space Dock Proximity
No use for this map
Map - Ketrana Orbital Proximity
No interact text for objective
Quick map again
I like the way you made the station have weapons
Map - Orbital Defense Platform - 1 Interior
No interact text for Reprogram Station IA Also did you mean AI?
Rather quick again, Kill some people press buttons and leave
Map - Ketrana Orbital Proximity#2
Quick map
Map - Tara Davell House Location
Unnamed npcs (the animals)
No interact text for Reach the underground entrance
Quick map (talk and then component complete)
Map - Orella City #1
Wtf I spawned in the air lol
Unnamed NPCs
Walked for a long time just go beam up
Map - Ketrana Orbital Proximity#3
Unnamed npcs tholian_mk2
Another quick map!
Map - Orella City #2
Very nice map
The table and chairs are sunken in the ground
Unnamed NPCs
No interact text for Take the elevator down to street level
need new respawn points died and had to run all the way back
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
By all means I am satisfied with the tons of stuff I have to put my hand into... I've already polished "Sons" by your advices... As you know, it was my very first mission that I dare to publish and keep there... and I am pretty much satisfied with it, because the story came first. I cannot help but correct the grammar screwups... I can't use an ITA Word because it can check only italian grammar, but I suddenly realised that can be some linux live cd that can have a sort of office tools, including checking grammar... I can't rely on you (or others at SBUGC ) to check my grammar every time... I ask only if you know some way to save all the dialogs of a mission without going copy'n'paste crazy...
Ah, the Undine... I wish to end the story with some foretell on Kentor future, and the danger he may face doing the hard work for the Organians.
I added a couple of lines which define better why they are there. However...
First you have to recall that Undine undercover agents are scattered in the fleet, maybe in your very ship , you can't foretell... think at the boy "Wes Crusher" style, can't remember the name right now, who was helping Tuvok in "A step between stars" - and I wrote "Sons" more than a year ago, before the Tuvok feature.
Why they want to kidnap Kentor ? They know it's an Organian representative, a race that tilted heavily the galactic balance of power in the past imposing the Organian Treaty, maybe they want to interrogate him, maybe they want to know how he can mantain a telepathic connection with them. Grasp some of that sheer power somehow...
And it would have been no justice to the mission end it just like that, waving goodbye to our friend.
With "City" I did a different thing, first I did a test map of a city, and then I wondered what story can be drawn around it.
In the light of your thorough review I think this one needs a complete revision, and I'm withdrawing it.
However... let me put my dime on some points...
I remember that foundry loading times were way shorter than now... all began after the romulan went on... in particular the mission was written when loading times were "affordable"
And I think sometimes you have to make some continuity link map to boost the credibility if your mission, Example: you click the well known wall console outside transporter room on ESD and on the first map you find yourself in the Delta Quadrant... hmmmm
Maybe in my desire to smooth things for the casual player I exaggerated... I will see to it.
For space station defenses try to put an enemy contact into it... can you thank Kirkfat for that trick when you'll see him ? Yep, that was after one of his tutorials...
Thanks for your time, and for the reviews
Yours, helixfungus
My biggest technical issues were the unnamed npcs. When you change an NPC's costume it uses the costume's name as the NPC's name so you need to remember to change it.
As for the "many map" thing it's a personal preference thing to me but I think it's important to have as few maps as possible as each map transition interrupts the story and breaks player immersion. When I was playing The City on the Edge of Hope, I eventually started forgetting what the story was and had to stop and think to myself what happened in the beginning.
The overall story for both missions were really interesting though and I enjoyed finding out what was going on.
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
http://starbaseugc.com/index.php/trailers/essential-viewing/a-glimpse-of-the-future-mission-export/
(mild spoilers beyond this point)
Plot point at begin of Track USS Sacrifice map... it's unbeliavable to travel from a star system to another at impulse power in only 36 hrs... impulse power it's below speed of light
A Federation ship with a cloaking device... wait a minute...
Then it is not one as such, but works as one, ok, then why other fed ships can't have it ?
However, a giant ship that is also a starbase resembling a Galaxy class stretch my limits though...
The Epsilon explanation was brilliant, a fearsome concept indeed. Congrats.
You should also populate for good the Sacrifice interior, in "get answers" map I see very few NPC to none... just to nod at the size of the thing...
The story proceed with an intense pace to its (temporarily, cause a IV part is on the way...) end...
I found this episode to be somewhat rushed in the maps details... it's rather clear that you have in mind the pace of your story though. Bear in mind I'm not a big fan of episodes. 4 stars this time.
However, I think I found the reason for my confusion in your review... remember how I said that a lot of the issues (Cpt instead of Captain, unnamed NPCs, etc.) I swear I had fixed? That's because I had already fixed them... you must have put the mission in your queue before I had updated it and the changes didnt reflect in your version in fact, 9/10 of the issues you pointed out were already corrected.
Thats actually good to know that if any of us have a mission in our queues and they are updated before we have a chance to play them, we will have to drop the mission and re-accept it to see the changes in our play through so I think we may have inadvertently exposed a bug in the foundry that I dont think can be fixed but we should all be aware of
Perhaps when we edit our mission based off of review(s) we should make a post to note these changes anyone that has the mission in their logs prior to the edit date should be encouraged to drop and pick the mission up before playing again
The one thing that I couldnt fix was the stop to Risa before the mission actually began I am not a fan of short maps either now (although Cryptic does it A LOT, especially in earlier missions) but I tried to get in and out of that map as quickly as possible .
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
Yeah, I had it down until I could fix it but couldn't get to it right away. It's back up now tho...
A heavy combat mission, it has an interesting storyline but is extremely light and inconsistent in its delivery. Theres very little dialogue, and very little integration between the objectives and story (until the end). Also there is really no background story either. There are some bright spots. The combat while in the research facility is quite fun, and the way confedinblue used the map was pretty good. The last couple of maps may have gone overboard but in general combat was fun. Final score three out of five stars.
General
Little story, very inconsistent.
They way you used the Klingon interior map was very well done.
Lots of maps with little to do, especially the first few.
Prologue
Good idea to put the system name in the first objective. Include the Sector Block would be better!
Needs more background story. All I have is one line about how a science team failed to report in. What were they researching, whos in charge etc.
Map - Noro System
Nothing to do on this map just one dialogue and then fly to the planet. This dialogue could have been put in the pop up when you start the mission at the Noro System and then immediately sent to the next map
Map - Finding Research Station Entrance
Dialogue abrupt and uninteresting. Quick sentences with no character
Quick Empty map. Run to two reach markers
Map - Research Facility
Huh interesting response by the Vulcan
Objective: Find Sarkee. Who is sarkee why should I find this person? How do I know that I need to find this person?
Objective: Explore facility? Sarkee told me to stop the Fekleri (no idea how to spel it). So far the objectives and story dont match up
Map details are very well done with the people going crazy
Interesting way you restricted player movement with the walls. Not sure how it fits in the mission though
Ack rabid epohhs, Ill need a visit to sick bay aftre this
Objective: Reach Turbolift? Why am I doing that? You need to fit the story and objectives together or its very un-immersive for the player.
Would have liked some more dialogue with the Admiral. Do not go in there? Why?
Map - Facility Control Room
Fun map
Would like some more story
On the way out
Kind of difficult fight right outside the door
Next map (forgot name)
Also fun, but the last two were pretty quick maps
Map - Leaving Noro System
Got fed up with all the fighting and just flew past everything
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan