@moonshadowdark: As with my review of @unitar's entry above, I think you are putting too much into a single paragraph. This is especially true when switching the focus from one character to another, as each new character introduced or spotlighted for notice should trigger a new section of text, unless it is in the form of a rollcall ("T'Luminareth was the First Officer, while Lumsi filled the role of Chief Engineer....").
Thanks for pointing that out. I could never figure out when a paragraph has enough information or substance when I read what I write. I always see something I think I should have added to set a better scene or mention something that I was going to bring up later.
I was very disoriented by the line "All three of the commanding officers looked in her direction..." as no commanding officers had been introduced yet. This had the result that I went back to look for them, and could only find Department Heads. Generally speaking, 'commanding officer' refers to the officer who is currently in overall command of a ship, so stating there were three of them made me look for where the commanders of other ships had snuck into the conference room without the dialogue noticing. While someone other than the Captain may be the commanding officer of a ship while the Captain is not on duty, there is still only one such officer at any time on any ship.
Department Heads. Those were the words I was looking for. I wrote that entire piece over the course of the night and I was just loopy at that point. /facepalm
Nice touch with having Two not be a coherent speaker! All too often, Liberated Borg are treated in fiction as just normal people with some cybernetics attached, when in fact they are very heavily altered people who have had a vital part of their system of being removed.
Two's speech pattern and overall design was a mixed bag. When I first saw the Liberated Borg Officers and player characters, I noticed a lot of players portrayed them as cyborgs. Understandable, as the only Liberated Borg we see are like Seven of Nine or the Borg at Paradise City. They have full motor functions and emotions and their memories. I always found something off about it. You were once part of a Hive mind, literally had billions of voices all speaking in unison in your head. How does that not affect you somehow? Two isn't just some Free Borg, out of the Collective for years. She was (in the story) recently secured. She wouldn't just go right back to her old self like a finger snap. It would take a long while for a person to re-acclimate to being alone in their head again. It's how I keep her from being a rip off of Data. Data seeks to be human to understand the humans around him. Two seeks to be human to understand herself.
And of course, those famous final words guaranteed to ensure a mission will be interesting....:)
That entire mission was just an embodiment of the phrase "What could possibly go wrong?". I played that mission three times and everytime I imagined my character saying that before he or she beamed down.
_
Thank you for the feedback!
"A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP"
@raventomoe: Nice handling of the relationship between Captain Harlen and Colonel Yagami. Since they are seperate commanders not subordinate to each other, this works well.
About the only thing I found odd was that the ship was setting battle stations before the crew were even sent recall orders from shore leave. This is the equivilant of having a modern warship light off every offensive and defensive system, seal the ship tight against damage, and set its weapons to lock onto anything moving within a few miles of it while sitting at pierside with the crew on liberty out in town or in-port watchstations...I leave it to your imagination what this will do to not only the local base commander, but other ships and planes in the area, local civilian networks, and the crew trying to get back to the ship
Thank you. Now to address.
By this point, the crews of both ships are well known enough to know that them going to Battle Stations means some serious strange matter is about to hit or is hitting the fan somewhere and they are going in as the tip of the spear to handle it. The Gotterdammerung crew having experience dealing with such and Lost Property Riot Force 6 being the TSAB's Elite Spec Ops unit for handling such.
The Contingency Plan being put into affect basically alerts the crew of the Dammerung that there is going to possibly be a serious Lost Logia (Nanoha series term for Legacies of Lost Worlds...like Iconian Gateways) going to be near them. It means they will be doing round-the-clock briefings and meetings for Plans A, B, C, D...basically the whole Alphabet will be used up for Plans and Back-up Plans to handle the situation should things go horribly wrong with everyone knowing what part of the plan they will be handling and how to handle it. Not to mention Drills. They already had to figure out how to fight and destroy an Inter-dimensional Warship older than heck with the ability to snipe targets through dimensions with both Magic-based and Science-based Technology coated not in shields but in Multi-meter thick Adaptive Ablative Regenerative Armor plating as big as a Voth Citadel Ship...and it survived the destruction of at least one other Universe and possibly two. Also...it had a regenerative ability for damaged sections that would make The Borg jealous.
The weapons though aren't on but they are being charged and torps ready for loading. Shields are being primed and ready to be raised and Engines ready to go at full power.
@drajora: Nice job! I loved how you highlighted the limitations of beam weapons in the Star Trek environment...alot of times it gets forgotten that torpedoes were developed precisely for this reason. It was a bit surprising that the gateway activated without warning or even D'tan being aware it would, so I assume the continuation would be that something else activated the gate. I look forwards to seeing how this plays out in the next LCs.
Yeah, I submitted that before playing the Featured Episode, so that threw a couple of details out. Nevermind though, because if there's one thing that Star Trek has taught generations of people (apart from the whole social commentary in between ship explosions) is that there is always a reset button behind the next moon.
Nice inclusion of the promotion ceremony there. Easy to forget about the daily life of a commanding officer with all the beams and torpedoes flying. I like how Palmer was less than thrilled to be going into the general vicinity of an activating gateway.
Thanks, I wanted to go with that 'calm before the storm' feeling with T'Natra's promotion (which to be honest, she should've been given immediately after the Battle of Moab, before the shenanigans of Risa ) to offset the later tone
And yeah, Amanda definitely wasn't thrilled by her orders... As mentioned, her preferred course of action would be to just rip the gate out of the planet with the Vanguard's industrial tractor emitters, but that would rather mess with the flow of the game
The weapons though aren't on but they are being charged and torps ready for loading. Shields are being primed and ready to be raised and Engines ready to go at full power.
Well, what you are describing is what is called Yellow Alert in the Starfleet of Star Trek (check out Star Trek II to see this in action). Red Alert means to actually raise the shields and arm the weapons, while Battle Stations is almost never used, but would probably be the next step of actually locking onto all targets, pointing weapons at any threat in range, and generally just one button push away from actually opening fire. In real-world naval terms, Battlestations (more often called General Quarters) is a condition where the ship is at the highest alert of level and readiness for action, and sealed tight.
Now, imagine you are the Commandant of DS9. The merchant captain of a parked freighter. The captain of a visiting foreign warship. How would you react as all of these to a starship suddenly going to Battlestations without apparent cause or warning, and probably locking onto your ship with targeting sensors? Especially when you know -you- might be the reason they are doing so, and are already behind the clock in getting ready for what's coming? That's what I saw when I read your crew being ordered to Battlestations.
As I said, I'm only trying to help here. If you say Battlestations in your fiction means just upping to a state of readiness but not ready for action, then it might be helpful if you mention what a state higher than this would be called (Attack Stations, or Super Battlestations?) so people don't use the term as it is usually taken. As a reader, I am going to go off what I am expecting to know when reading a story set in a particular setting, so I apologize if I seem to be misunderstanding things because you've changed them.
Edit: Another good example of Yellow Alert is when Kirk and his merry band decide to power up and run with the Enterprise without telling anyone in Star Trek III ("Bridge, this is the Captain. How can you have a Yellow Alert in(side) Spacedock??").
And mine is up. Sorry I haven't been around the past few weeks. College and work have been keeping me pretty busy (who know that being a Computer Science major would be tough? [/sarcasm]:roll eyes) Anyways, Let me know what you think! (and yes, the Cliffhanger at the end was deliberate :-P What cliffhanger you ask? Read and find out!)
I'll be reading the other entries here myself ASAP, and I'll let you know what I think! :-D
EDIT TO ADD:
For some reason, the posting time here is wrong. Entry was posted at approx. 2130 EST
I'd say this is one of your strongest entries :cool: No battles, just good, solid, character interaction, with great characterisation :cool: I liked the touch about the admirals giving Bryan a hard time (I take it Admiral Tobin was a bit hard on him ) Very nice entry :cool:
@grylak: The setting apart of the statements in different lines from who was saying them was a bit disorienting. Generally, actions or notations on a speaker are included with their text to help avoid this except when it would produce a 'wall of text', or the action/notation is particularly important enough to be singled out.
Also, the Prime Directive doesn't really cover civilizations with which the Federation has already made contact with. That would fall under diplomacy and military action. Otherwise, a good summation of the danger a functioning gateway could pose to anyone not in control of it.
_
I was taught at school that whenever a new person starts speaking, you put it on a new line. And as people have mentioned in the past that when I have multiple characters talking, they are sometimes unsure of who is speaking. I attempted to work on that here by having more statements between the lines of the characters reacting. You think it would be better if the character reaction was on the same line as their dialogue? For example:
Rykon pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed lightly. "That isn't what I'm saying. I ordered Fish Fingers and custard."
Chef just threw his hands up in the air. "Mamma mia! Whoever heard of such madness?"
The Prime Directive applies to all cultures who are not Federation members, not just pre warp ones. It's most prevailant in pre warp contact, but the Prime Directive is why Picard couldn't get involved with the Klingon Civil War in Redemption, and had to abandon Gowron while his ship was under attack. While there are many sub aspects to the Prime Directive, such as not taking sides in an internal political conflict, the part that Grylak is referencing is:
Taking actions to generally affect a society's overall development
As the Romulans discovered the gateway, Romulans are the ones who got it working, Romulans are the one testing it, and it's on the new Romulan Homeworld, destroying this gate would certainly fall under that sub section of the Directive, as it would severly harm the Romulan Republic's ability to trade/explore/develop with other worlds. Even with a federation delegation invited along, it is still a purely Romulan thing.
*******************************************
A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
I was taught at school that whenever a new person starts speaking, you put it on a new line. And as people have mentioned in the past that when I have multiple characters talking, they are sometimes unsure of who is speaking. I attempted to work on that here by having more statements between the lines of the characters reacting. You think it would be better if the character reaction was on the same line as their dialogue? For example:
Rykon pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed lightly. "That isn't what I'm saying. I ordered Fish Fingers and custard."
Chef just threw his hands up in the air. "Mamma mia! Whoever heard of such madness?"
Yes, I think that works better. It keeps the line being said with the person speaking, and I believe this is the way many writers work in the industry (also saves paper by keeping the books shorter ). Now, if you are relating a quick-fire back-and-forth between just two characters, you can leave just the lines after the initial 'who is saying things first, who second' is set up, but you'll want to return to the notated quotes once anything happens to break the simple trading of statements.
The Prime Directive applies to all cultures who are not Federation members, not just pre warp ones. It's most prevailant in pre warp contact, but the Prime Directive is why Picard couldn't get involved with the Klingon Civil War in Redemption, and had to abandon Gowron while his ship was under attack. While there are many sub aspects to the Prime Directive, such as not taking sides in an internal political conflict, the part that Grylak is referencing is:
Taking actions to generally affect a society's overall development
Okay, I'll grant you this point. Of course, I'm not certain it applies when the actions of the involved party (the Republic in this case) directly affect the Federation and/or pose a direct threat to it. In this case, I think the involvement has already been forced upon the Federation, and most Starfleet Officers and Federation citizens would avoid classifying it as a matter under the Prime Directive. Still, your point is valid that it does apply regardless of if a culture is in contact or not.
@mjarbar: Spacing was a bit messed up here, leaving the whole entry as a wall of text to me. I recommend going back and editting each entry after the initial post to insert the breaks that get removed when translating the text to the forums.
I liked the delegation of tasks by the speaker (I assume this is Vice Admiral Mjarbar, but this is never stated in the story and can only surmise this because he never appears in the story otherwise). Nice job on that!
_
Many thanks for the input, I have gone back in and added the spacing, and yes without realising I have written the piece from the point of view of the Admiral. I think it was because this is the toon I play in STO.
Okay, I'll grant you this point. Of course, I'm not certain it applies when the actions of the involved party (the Republic in this case) directly affect the Federation and/or pose a direct threat to it. In this case, I think the involvement has already been forced upon the Federation, and most Starfleet Officers and Federation citizens would avoid classifying it as a matter under the Prime Directive. Still, your point is valid that it does apply regardless of if a culture is in contact or not.
As a quick point, Federation citizens are not bound by the Prime Directive, as that is a Starfleet regulation (such as when Worf's brother Nicholai relocated those people to the Enterprise regardless of the Prime Directive )
I'd say this is one of your strongest entries No battles, just good, solid, character interaction, with great characterisation I liked the touch about the admirals giving Bryan a hard time (I take it Admiral Tobin was a bit hard on him ) Very nice entry
Thank ye! Really the key to writing solid characters is to actually think of them as people, give them hopes, dreams, etc... and also to really put yourself in their shoes. I actually have a habit of reading my entries as I write them which I think helps a little.
As for the other Admirals giving Bryan a hard time, I may get around to writing a story about that soon (class permitting:rolleyes:)
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
Yes, I think that works better. It keeps the line being said with the person speaking, and I believe this is the way many writers work in the industry (also saves paper by keeping the books shorter ). Now, if you are relating a quick-fire back-and-forth between just two characters, you can leave just the lines after the initial 'who is saying things first, who second' is set up, but you'll want to return to the notated quotes once anything happens to break the simple trading of statements.
Okay, I'll grant you this point. Of course, I'm not certain it applies when the actions of the involved party (the Republic in this case) directly affect the Federation and/or pose a direct threat to it. In this case, I think the involvement has already been forced upon the Federation, and most Starfleet Officers and Federation citizens would avoid classifying it as a matter under the Prime Directive. Still, your point is valid that it does apply regardless of if a culture is in contact or not.
I shall endavour to write in that style in future. Thanks for the feedback. Looking back, it does look better to me as well.
To be fair (I did have to give it another read for this), no one actually states it does fall under the Prime Directive. Grylak simply asks if it does, and Rykon explains that while initially it may appear to (it's all internal Romulan stuff, they found it, they work it etc as I mentioned previously) Rykon does go on to say it wouldn't as without Starfleet's help, the Romulans would never have found the gateway in the first place. And if it did fall under it, he would be recinding it anyway.
I guess making it a simple diplomatic treaty instead of the Prime Directive getting violated might have made more sense. But I feel Rykon explained why it didn't apply appropriately.
*******************************************
A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
I was taught at school that whenever a new person starts speaking, you put it on a new line. And as people have mentioned in the past that when I have multiple characters talking, they are sometimes unsure of who is speaking. I attempted to work on that here by having more statements between the lines of the characters reacting. You think it would be better if the character reaction was on the same line as their dialogue? For example:
Rykon pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed lightly. "That isn't what I'm saying. I ordered Fish Fingers and custard."
Chef just threw his hands up in the air. "Mamma mia! Whoever heard of such madness?"
I was terrible in English grammar and received no formal literary training. Everything I'm doing on this message board is self-taught using experience from reading books
Now that I have stated my own defense, the above example is exactly how I write my entries. I think it makes the scene efficient not only for literal screen space, but also for the sake of the reader understanding what's happening.
Well, what you are describing is what is called Yellow Alert in the Starfleet of Star Trek (check out Star Trek II to see this in action). Red Alert means to actually raise the shields and arm the weapons, while Battle Stations is almost never used, but would probably be the next step of actually locking onto all targets, pointing weapons at any threat in range, and generally just one button push away from actually opening fire. In real-world naval terms, Battlestations (more often called General Quarters) is a condition where the ship is at the highest alert of level and readiness for action, and sealed tight.
Now, imagine you are the Commandant of DS9. The merchant captain of a parked freighter. The captain of a visiting foreign warship. How would you react as all of these to a starship suddenly going to Battlestations without apparent cause or warning, and probably locking onto your ship with targeting sensors? Especially when you know -you- might be the reason they are doing so, and are already behind the clock in getting ready for what's coming? That's what I saw when I read your crew being ordered to Battlestations.
As I said, I'm only trying to help here. If you say Battlestations in your fiction means just upping to a state of readiness but not ready for action, then it might be helpful if you mention what a state higher than this would be called (Attack Stations, or Super Battlestations?) so people don't use the term as it is usually taken. As a reader, I am going to go off what I am expecting to know when reading a story set in a particular setting, so I apologize if I seem to be misunderstanding things because you've changed them.
Edit: Another good example of Yellow Alert is when Kirk and his merry band decide to power up and run with the Enterprise without telling anyone in Star Trek III ("Bridge, this is the Captain. How can you have a Yellow Alert in(side) Spacedock??").
Actually, you helped me out. The Station call is Contingency Plan Six-Niner as the whole plan (besides routing main power to the shields and engines) gets all the departments working on anything that could go wrong in round-the-clock meetings. They probably got there ahead of everyone else and spent the entire time up to the activation running every scenario they got.
Invasion? Contigent of Dimensional Naval Marines and RF6 deploys the AEW Gear due to it's increased effectiveness against Borg and Undine as well as Anti-Magic Fields. (Hint> Magic-powered Railguns) Starfleet Security using the heavier equipment proving support in close confines due to inability to fly to any real height and lack of maneuverability options underground.
Planet going to get blown up? Beam in and try to seal the Gateway or failing that...well for everything else there is the Starlight Breaker (x5 if you want to REALLY make sure the Gateway is shutdown but the user takes a hit because she is casting from Hit Points).
As it stands...after playing the mission...well let's just say both teams will bet taking a serious hit.
Anyways the names for all 5 installments have been decided on with the episodes of STO they will coincide in.
StrikerS > Right after Temporal Ambassador and before Wasteland. Takes place entirely in Midchilda's space during the events of Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha StrikerS. Revolution > Wasteland, Vengeance, Romulan Mystery/Freedom Vivid > Risa Arc (inspired by the Summer Event), Cardassian Struggle, Borg Collective Force > Breen Invasion, Undine Advance, Sphere of Influence Frontier > The Sphere and beyond
I am thinking if this is popular enough that I might make The 2800 it's own short installment.
Thank ye! Really the key to writing solid characters is to actually think of them as people, give them hopes, dreams, etc... and also to really put yourself in their shoes. I actually have a habit of reading my entries as I write them which I think helps a little.
As for the other Admirals giving Bryan a hard time, I may get around to writing a story about that soon (class permitting:roll eyes ) :-D
Absolutely, keeping them grounded is definitely the way to keep them realistic and enjoyable It's like it doesn't really matter that it's a Human and a Romulan sitting on a starship, it's just a guy and his step-sister catching up in a bar... That's something everyone can relate to :cool: I also read them as I write, but my real weakness, is of re-reading once posted, and seeing little tweaks that could be made In fact, I might write an additional scene to tack on for the lols :P
Definitely looking forward to a scene with the Admirals, I know Jedda's gotten snarky in her old age ^_^
Actually, you helped me out. The Station call is Contingency Plan Six-Niner as the whole plan (besides routing main power to the shields and engines) gets all the departments working on anything that could go wrong in round-the-clock meetings. They probably got there ahead of everyone else and spent the entire time up to the activation running every scenario they got.
Invasion? Contigent of Dimensional Naval Marines and RF6 deploys the AEW Gear due to it's increased effectiveness against Borg and Undine as well as Anti-Magic Fields. (Hint> Magic-powered Railguns) Starfleet Security using the heavier equipment proving support in close confines due to inability to fly to any real height and lack of maneuverability options underground.
Planet going to get blown up? Beam in and try to seal the Gateway or failing that...well for everything else there is the Starlight Breaker (x5 if you want to REALLY make sure the Gateway is shutdown but the user takes a hit because she is casting from Hit Points).
As it stands...after playing the mission...well let's just say both teams will be taking a serious hit.
Anyways the names for all 5 installments have been decided on with the episodes of STO they will coincide in.
StrikerS > Right after Temporal Ambassador and before Wasteland. Takes place entirely in Midchilda's space during the events of Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha StrikerS. Revolution > Wasteland, Vengeance, Romulan Mystery/Freedom Vivid > Risa Arc (inspired by the Summer Event), Cardassian Struggle, Borg Collective Force > Breen Invasion, Undine Advance Frontier > The Sphere and beyond
I am thinking if this is popular enough that I might make The 2800 it's own short installment.
Definitely looking forward to seeing the final product, there.
@unitar - Hmmm... I wonder if LC 54 will allow you to expand on what happens next.
@mjarbar - Welcome to the LCs! The Dramatis Personae section was very helpful, yet I found myself going back and forth to keep the characters straight in my mind's eye. That's my problem, but I had to say something about it. Otherwise, it was a smooth conversation to read.
@johngazman - oooh a backdoor alliance? Maybe. I liked it!
@danqueller - Frankly, my jaw dropped. This was a brilliant idea and well written.
@moonshadowdark - I agree with danqueller: your presentation of the Borg was very well done. Frankly, she became for favorite character in the piece. And that closing line was awesome!
@johngazman: Nice set-up to the story to come! It's a bit odd that we don't see any listing of Captain Walker's actual rank, either on the log ( oh, what Starfleet would say about that little omission) or in the text of the story. Captain, aboard a ship, is almost always a position, denoting the master and ultimate authority on a vessel, so it can't be taken as an actual rank when a commanding officer is so stated. Smaller ships, in fact, have Captains who are actually Lt. Commanders or even Lieutenants. Otherwise, a great introduction to the next chapter in the story.
That is...an excellent point. Bit of an oversight on my part.
You're just a machine. And machines can be broken.
This is my first attempt at one of these literary challenges.
I recently stumbled across them, and have really enjoyed reading all your efforts, so I thought I would take a stab at one myself.
I've been away from the game for a long time, and recently decided to start playing again. (I've been in and out for special events, but haven't done any episode or fleet play in a long time.)
This is my first attempt at one of these literary challenges.
I recently stumbled across them, and have really enjoyed reading all your efforts, so I thought I would take a stab at one myself.
I've been away from the game for a long time, and recently decided to start playing again. (I've been in and out for special events, but haven't done any episode or fleet play in a long time.)
Feedback welcome, and appreciated.
Merrik
(Proteusrex)
A very nice entry, welcome to the LCs :cool: I'll look forward to learning more about these old friends in future entries, there's certainly hints at plenty of material :cool:
Decided to post my entry up. Of course you can stop reading at the first major break in text, but if you continue on, I hope you won't be dissapointed. Of course if I could actually write my character's actions within the subspace pocket(?) I would make them all split up into four different Obilesk ships in the end, at least to make it cannon enough....
{Spoiler I think}
Let's just say that empty cell you come across wouldn't be so empty...and maybe that empty chair you come across...*cough*
Decided to post my entry up. Of course you can stop reading at the first major break in text, but if you continue on, I hope you won't be dissapointed. Of course if I could actually write my character's actions within the subspace pocket(?) I would make them all split up into four different Obilesk ships in the end, at least to make it cannon enough....
{Spoiler I think}
Let's just say that empty cell you come across wouldn't be so empty...and maybe that empty chair you come across...*cough*
I rather liked it. Especially with that "Romulan and Reman pet" quip. Muwahahaha. I love a good mean guy.
"A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP"
Shorter than my usual entries, but hopefully not bad. Normally though, i do try to stay more on topic, but for the obvious reasons, Captain Donovan seems a little distracted.
I wanted more Selene, I got more Selene, I liked what I got :cool: Curious that she would recite Vulcan mantras, has she had training in Vulcan disciplines? A very nice piece of work indeed :cool:
Comments
Thank you for the feedback!
-Leonard Nimoy, RIP
Thank you. Now to address.
By this point, the crews of both ships are well known enough to know that them going to Battle Stations means some serious strange matter is about to hit or is hitting the fan somewhere and they are going in as the tip of the spear to handle it. The Gotterdammerung crew having experience dealing with such and Lost Property Riot Force 6 being the TSAB's Elite Spec Ops unit for handling such.
The Contingency Plan being put into affect basically alerts the crew of the Dammerung that there is going to possibly be a serious Lost Logia (Nanoha series term for Legacies of Lost Worlds...like Iconian Gateways) going to be near them. It means they will be doing round-the-clock briefings and meetings for Plans A, B, C, D...basically the whole Alphabet will be used up for Plans and Back-up Plans to handle the situation should things go horribly wrong with everyone knowing what part of the plan they will be handling and how to handle it. Not to mention Drills. They already had to figure out how to fight and destroy an Inter-dimensional Warship older than heck with the ability to snipe targets through dimensions with both Magic-based and Science-based Technology coated not in shields but in Multi-meter thick Adaptive Ablative Regenerative Armor plating as big as a Voth Citadel Ship...and it survived the destruction of at least one other Universe and possibly two. Also...it had a regenerative ability for damaged sections that would make The Borg jealous.
The weapons though aren't on but they are being charged and torps ready for loading. Shields are being primed and ready to be raised and Engines ready to go at full power.
Yeah, I submitted that before playing the Featured Episode, so that threw a couple of details out. Nevermind though, because if there's one thing that Star Trek has taught generations of people (apart from the whole social commentary in between ship explosions) is that there is always a reset button behind the next moon.
Thanks for the feedback.
Thanks, I wanted to go with that 'calm before the storm' feeling with T'Natra's promotion (which to be honest, she should've been given immediately after the Battle of Moab, before the shenanigans of Risa
And yeah, Amanda definitely wasn't thrilled by her orders... As mentioned, her preferred course of action would be to just rip the gate out of the planet with the Vanguard's industrial tractor emitters, but that would rather mess with the flow of the game
Well, what you are describing is what is called Yellow Alert in the Starfleet of Star Trek (check out Star Trek II to see this in action). Red Alert means to actually raise the shields and arm the weapons, while Battle Stations is almost never used, but would probably be the next step of actually locking onto all targets, pointing weapons at any threat in range, and generally just one button push away from actually opening fire. In real-world naval terms, Battlestations (more often called General Quarters) is a condition where the ship is at the highest alert of level and readiness for action, and sealed tight.
Now, imagine you are the Commandant of DS9. The merchant captain of a parked freighter. The captain of a visiting foreign warship. How would you react as all of these to a starship suddenly going to Battlestations without apparent cause or warning, and probably locking onto your ship with targeting sensors? Especially when you know -you- might be the reason they are doing so, and are already behind the clock in getting ready for what's coming? That's what I saw when I read your crew being ordered to Battlestations.
As I said, I'm only trying to help here. If you say Battlestations in your fiction means just upping to a state of readiness but not ready for action, then it might be helpful if you mention what a state higher than this would be called (Attack Stations, or Super Battlestations?) so people don't use the term as it is usually taken. As a reader, I am going to go off what I am expecting to know when reading a story set in a particular setting, so I apologize if I seem to be misunderstanding things because you've changed them.
Edit: Another good example of Yellow Alert is when Kirk and his merry band decide to power up and run with the Enterprise without telling anyone in Star Trek III ("Bridge, this is the Captain. How can you have a Yellow Alert in(side) Spacedock??").
I was taught at school that whenever a new person starts speaking, you put it on a new line. And as people have mentioned in the past that when I have multiple characters talking, they are sometimes unsure of who is speaking. I attempted to work on that here by having more statements between the lines of the characters reacting. You think it would be better if the character reaction was on the same line as their dialogue? For example:
Rykon pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed lightly. "That isn't what I'm saying. I ordered Fish Fingers and custard."
Chef just threw his hands up in the air. "Mamma mia! Whoever heard of such madness?"
The Prime Directive applies to all cultures who are not Federation members, not just pre warp ones. It's most prevailant in pre warp contact, but the Prime Directive is why Picard couldn't get involved with the Klingon Civil War in Redemption, and had to abandon Gowron while his ship was under attack. While there are many sub aspects to the Prime Directive, such as not taking sides in an internal political conflict, the part that Grylak is referencing is:
Taking actions to generally affect a society's overall development
As the Romulans discovered the gateway, Romulans are the ones who got it working, Romulans are the one testing it, and it's on the new Romulan Homeworld, destroying this gate would certainly fall under that sub section of the Directive, as it would severly harm the Romulan Republic's ability to trade/explore/develop with other worlds. Even with a federation delegation invited along, it is still a purely Romulan thing.
A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
Yes, I think that works better. It keeps the line being said with the person speaking, and I believe this is the way many writers work in the industry (also saves paper by keeping the books shorter
Okay, I'll grant you this point. Of course, I'm not certain it applies when the actions of the involved party (the Republic in this case) directly affect the Federation and/or pose a direct threat to it. In this case, I think the involvement has already been forced upon the Federation, and most Starfleet Officers and Federation citizens would avoid classifying it as a matter under the Prime Directive. Still, your point is valid that it does apply regardless of if a culture is in contact or not.
Many thanks for the input, I have gone back in and added the spacing, and yes without realising I have written the piece from the point of view of the Admiral. I think it was because this is the toon I play in STO.
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As a quick point, Federation citizens are not bound by the Prime Directive, as that is a Starfleet regulation (such as when Worf's brother Nicholai relocated those people to the Enterprise regardless of the Prime Directive
Thank ye! Really the key to writing solid characters is to actually think of them as people, give them hopes, dreams, etc... and also to really put yourself in their shoes. I actually have a habit of reading my entries as I write them which I think helps a little.
As for the other Admirals giving Bryan a hard time, I may get around to writing a story about that soon (class permitting:rolleyes:)
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
I shall endavour to write in that style in future. Thanks for the feedback. Looking back, it does look better to me as well.
To be fair (I did have to give it another read for this), no one actually states it does fall under the Prime Directive. Grylak simply asks if it does, and Rykon explains that while initially it may appear to (it's all internal Romulan stuff, they found it, they work it etc as I mentioned previously) Rykon does go on to say it wouldn't as without Starfleet's help, the Romulans would never have found the gateway in the first place. And if it did fall under it, he would be recinding it anyway.
I guess making it a simple diplomatic treaty instead of the Prime Directive getting violated might have made more sense. But I feel Rykon explained why it didn't apply appropriately.
A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
I was terrible in English grammar and received no formal literary training. Everything I'm doing on this message board is self-taught using experience from reading books
Now that I have stated my own defense, the above example is exactly how I write my entries. I think it makes the scene efficient not only for literal screen space, but also for the sake of the reader understanding what's happening.
I think your chef and my chef are related ...
Actually, you helped me out. The Station call is Contingency Plan Six-Niner as the whole plan (besides routing main power to the shields and engines) gets all the departments working on anything that could go wrong in round-the-clock meetings. They probably got there ahead of everyone else and spent the entire time up to the activation running every scenario they got.
Invasion? Contigent of Dimensional Naval Marines and RF6 deploys the AEW Gear due to it's increased effectiveness against Borg and Undine as well as Anti-Magic Fields. (Hint> Magic-powered Railguns) Starfleet Security using the heavier equipment proving support in close confines due to inability to fly to any real height and lack of maneuverability options underground.
Planet going to get blown up? Beam in and try to seal the Gateway or failing that...well for everything else there is the Starlight Breaker (x5 if you want to REALLY make sure the Gateway is shutdown but the user takes a hit because she is casting from Hit Points).
As it stands...after playing the mission...well let's just say both teams will bet taking a serious hit.
Anyways the names for all 5 installments have been decided on with the episodes of STO they will coincide in.
StrikerS > Right after Temporal Ambassador and before Wasteland. Takes place entirely in Midchilda's space during the events of Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha StrikerS.
Revolution > Wasteland, Vengeance, Romulan Mystery/Freedom
Vivid > Risa Arc (inspired by the Summer Event), Cardassian Struggle, Borg Collective
Force > Breen Invasion, Undine Advance, Sphere of Influence
Frontier > The Sphere and beyond
I am thinking if this is popular enough that I might make The 2800 it's own short installment.
Absolutely, keeping them grounded is definitely the way to keep them realistic and enjoyable
Definitely looking forward to a scene with the Admirals, I know Jedda's gotten snarky in her old age ^_^
Definitely looking forward to seeing the final product, there.
@mjarbar - Welcome to the LCs! The Dramatis Personae section was very helpful, yet I found myself going back and forth to keep the characters straight in my mind's eye. That's my problem, but I had to say something about it. Otherwise, it was a smooth conversation to read.
@johngazman - oooh a backdoor alliance? Maybe. I liked it!
@danqueller - Frankly, my jaw dropped. This was a brilliant idea and well written.
@moonshadowdark - I agree with danqueller: your presentation of the Borg was very well done. Frankly, she became for favorite character in the piece. And that closing line was awesome!
That is...an excellent point. Bit of an oversight on my part.
I recently stumbled across them, and have really enjoyed reading all your efforts, so I thought I would take a stab at one myself.
I've been away from the game for a long time, and recently decided to start playing again. (I've been in and out for special events, but haven't done any episode or fleet play in a long time.)
Feedback welcome, and appreciated.
Merrik
(Proteusrex)
Direct Link to the post is: Here.
Enjoy.
And they often make my brain hurt. Still, a good story.
{Spoiler I think}
Let's just say that empty cell you come across wouldn't be so empty...and maybe that empty chair you come across...*cough*
I rather liked it. Especially with that "Romulan and Reman pet" quip. Muwahahaha. I love a good mean guy.
-Leonard Nimoy, RIP
I wanted more Selene, I got more Selene, I liked what I got :cool: Curious that she would recite Vulcan mantras, has she had training in Vulcan disciplines? A very nice piece of work indeed :cool: