ID: ST-HQ7JQ5IID
Title: Never Count a Gorn Out
Author: @Maziken
Faction: KDF
Playtime: 40 to 60 minutes
Difficulty: Tough
Description: A secret Federation starbase has been revealed and you are ordered to infiltrate it to gather as much data as you can. Will you sneak your way through the installation, only alerting those Starfleet Officers that you must, or will you eradicate every last one of them from the starbase?
Hi. I'd also like you to review my submission to the Foundry Challenge 6:
Mission Name:404 Error: Admiral Not Found Author: dougglendower Minimum Level: None Allegiance: Federation Project ID: ST-HAOSHU7Q6
Estimated Mission Length: 40 minutes, a bit longer if you go and find the remote Easter Eggs.
Hi dougglendower,
Welcome to the queue. You are 7th in the queue behind ashtaku. I am working a lot right now so I will get into the queue as I can, and will post the review here when it is completed.
Hey. I'm glad to see you're still enjoying reviewing missions. Hope you're doing well. I have a little review request for you.
Mission Name: Demons from the past
Author: @diogene0
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
Estimated Mission Length: under 45 minutes, unless you're using a cruiser. In this case you may add 10 minutes.
I hope I missed less typos this time, i've been slaving over my dictionary and grammar book for hours!
Thanks for your review.
Hey diogene0,
Welcome back to the queue. Yes, I do still enjoy reviewing missions. Authors of these missions make the STO experience a richer one for us all. If my reviews can help them improve their work, so much the better. Speaking of authoring, you are currently 8th in the queue behind dougglendower. I will get to the queue as I can. When I am don I will post the review here.
ID: ST-HQ7JQ5IID
Title: Never Count a Gorn Out
Author: @Maziken
Faction: KDF
Playtime: 40 to 60 minutes
Difficulty: Tough
Description: A secret Federation starbase has been revealed and you are ordered to infiltrate it to gather as much data as you can. Will you sneak your way through the installation, only alerting those Starfleet Officers that you must, or will you eradicate every last one of them from the starbase?
Thanks in advance!
Hi Maziken,
Welcome back to the queue. Your mission is currently 9th in the queue behind diogene0. I will get to it as soon as I can.
At long last, the Ghosts of War saga is now complete!
Mission Name: Ghosts of War, Part VI (aka "Time's Hammer")
Author: NCC-89471
Minimum Level: 35+
Allegiance: Federation
ID: ST-HB3UDU2GK
Playtime: 30-45 min
I expect to be tweaking this mission a lot based on feedback, especially Map 7, which is probably the most complex and SFX-laden map I've ever done. (Hint: It features a huge ground battle that doesn't involve you, and that you must sidestep as you carry out your objectives; defend yourself if you have to but don't go wading into the fray unless absolutely necessary.)
At long last, the Ghosts of War saga is now complete!
Mission Name: Ghosts of War, Part VI (aka "Time's Hammer")
Author: NCC-89471
Minimum Level: 35+
Allegiance: Federation
ID: ST-HB3UDU2GK
Playtime: 30-45 min
I expect to be tweaking this mission a lot based on feedback, especially Map 7, which is probably the most complex and SFX-laden map I've ever done. (Hint: It features a huge ground battle that doesn't involve you, and that you must sidestep as you carry out your objectives; defend yourself if you have to but don't go wading into the fray unless absolutely necessary.)
Hi NCC-89471,
Welcome back to the queue with the 6th mission in your series. You are currently 10th in the queue behind maziken. Looks like I do not have to work this weekend so I will be able to work on the queue this weekend. I cannot guarantee that I will get this far in the queue, but I will do my best. I will file the report here and in your posting when completed.
Mission Name: Franklin Drake Must Die
Author: @syberghost
Federation, any level.
Estimated length: 20-45 minutes, depending on your choices.
Most of the combat is completely optional; the non-optional combat is brief, the optional combat will greatly extend the length.
Note: there is currently an issue with finding the mission door, thanks to a Cryptic issue on Earth Spacedock. I will refactor to improve this entrance at some point, but for now, take any turbolift to the lower level and the door will appear. Feel free to savage me for that issue, but know that I'm already aware of it.
Federation Mission - Franklin Drake Must Die
Author: syberghost
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJPILABJJ
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with well designed maps and tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written and I noted no spelling or grammatical errors. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: These are good grant and follow on dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider putting the start location for the first custom map in the initial mission task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Admiral Johnson's Office: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. My ship is named "Essex" but based on your usage of the "Kearsarge" later in the mission I will assume you did not use [ShipName] in the dialogue. If you did you might want to change it. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Korvat 2409: This is a nice map design with some fun optional and required combat. The story dialogue is short but well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding initial dialogue that explains the arrival in the system and alerts the player to the presence of enemy mobs.
Korvat 2266: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Korvat Ground: This is a good map design with several optional battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the backdoor transporter to an actual backdoor. Place a hatch that we have to break the entry code. A transporter seems like something that could be tracked. Then on the next map you can place another hatch behind where the player spawns.
Korvat Caves: This is a good map design with several tough, but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The console to deactivate the force field is not "back the way we came". It is east of the force field.
- If "Captain Johnson" is supposed to be in the cell he is not.
Korvat 2266#2: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-If the communication is "audio only" consider replacing Commander Corspa with the Kearsarge.
Korvat 2409#2: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Hi, I'm a newcomer to the foundry and I was wondering if you could take a look at my first mission (just finished it yesterday). You'll have to use the project ID because it is still in the "probationary" period (doesn't have 5 reviews yet). Details as follows:
Mission Name: Yet There Be Method In It
Author: pbau3993
Minimum level (this may need to be tweaked): 16+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HRKD9HYJ6
Estimated Mission Length: 30-45 minutes
Notes:
I couldn't find anything TOS-style to block off corridors in a TOS map so it looks a little weird. Any ideas on that front would be appreciated.
Since this is my first foundry mission, I didn't have a good idea of how to set/pick minimum levels, so that may need to be tweaked as well.
This is a mission that will take you to 2271, right after the end of the Enterprise's historic five year mission.
Federation Mission - Yet There Be Method In It
Author: pbau3993
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HRKD9HYJ6
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with nice map designs, many very tough battles, and well written story dialogue. I enjoyed playing your mission and I would recommend this mission to all players, although not on Elite level. For a newcomer to the Foundry I would say you have a great start in mission development. There are several great tutorials regarding this and many other Foundry tutorials on Starbase UGC.
On several of your maps I mention the enemy battles need to be better balanced. What this means is while battling your way through a map can be fun it needs to have some balance to give the player a chance. The placement of all high level group's right on top of each other is way too much. Both space and interior battles where similarly out of balance with high level mobs that were also grouped together so the player is engaging several high level mobs all at once. As I mention in the map section below, it is hard enough on "Normal" and would most likely be impossible on "Elite" level.
This brings me to my next point regarding respawn points on the maps. On both space and interior maps I noted that there are no respawn points deeper into the map. If you are going to have such high level mobs, and even if they are balanced mobs, you need to add respawn points deeper into the maps. If you manage to fight all the way across a map and engage a high level mob, as you wear them down you get killed, respawn and have to move all the way across the map to find them back at full strength it can get tedious. This is what I mean by balancing battles and having respawn points deeper in the map.
One more thing to consider, I mention adding initial dialogue to a map from a BOFF. This means you should add initial dialogue that displays when the player enters a map. This is usually a report from your Science, Tactical, or Engineering BOFF detailing a scan of the system or map, or threat, or engineering difficulties, and so on. It can help set the mood for the map and the mission. It gives you the chance to expand on the story and give the player something more than switching from map to map without any clear story except from dialogue. Basically it is your chance to tell the story for that map and maybe set up additional points to be used in later maps.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good detailed description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
-Consider adding the Starfleet Liaison dialogue to the end of the grant dialogue. Meeting with the Liaison to be told to go to the entrance of Agent Marion's office seems unnecessary.
-The start location for the first custom map, Agent Marion's office, would be best described as the corridor across from the transporter room, right side door, or something along those lines.
Mission Task: Based on the above recommendation, consider changing the initial mission task to indicate the start location of the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Marion's Office: This is a nice map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial spawn point is too close to the entry door. Consider moving it out away from the wall.
-Consider changing "Good afternoon, [Rank] [NickName]" to read "Good afternoon, [Rank] [LastName]".
-Consider changing "I appreciate your concern, [NickName], but it is unneccessary" to read "I appreciate your concern, [Rank], but it is unnecessary".
-The closed door is not lined up with the regular map door. Most likely this is caused by the Snap to Grid feature on the map editor. It is located in the upper right hand corner of the map editor.
Bepii 113: This is a good map design with 4 very tough battles right on top of each other. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding some initial dialogue from at least one of the BOFFs to indicate the course of action or if they detect enemy units inbound. I will discuss this in the summary.
-On the previous map the dialogue referred to the system as "Bepi 113", but here is is "Bepii 113". Consider making them match.
-Consider placing respawn points deeper into the map. I will cover this in my summary.
-The enemy battles needs to be better balanced. It is difficult enough on "Normal" it would probably be impossible on "Elite". Having all high level enemy mobs right on top of each other makes it even worse. I will cover this in my summary.
Beta Triangulis 3: This is a good map design with 2 very tough battles right on top of each other. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding some initial dialogue.
-Consider placing respawn points deeper into the map.
-The enemy battles needs to be better balanced.
Alpha Ursae 2: This is a good map design with 2 very tough battles right on top of each other. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding some initial dialogue.
-Consider placing respawn points deeper into the map.
-The enemy battles needs to be better balanced.
-The post "Continue Searching" dialogue; consider changing "You're to late, Commander" to read "You're too late, Commander".
Klingon Intelligence Facility: This is a good map design with 4 very tough battles right on top of each other, followed by 2 very tough battles right on top of each other and one additional very tough group at the end. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider placing respawn points deeper into the map.
-The enemy battles needs to be better balanced.
-Consider adding debris that appears as the cell is destroyed.
Alpha Ursae 2: This is a good map design with tough but fun battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding some initial dialogue.
Altec Prime: This is a short and simple map design. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding some initial dialogue.
Altecan High Court Building: This is a short and simple map design. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. To block the other areas that you want to hide from the player consider using something like a plain wall segment or a "Building block" with a plain gray feature. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider centering the spawn point on the transporter pad. The BOFFS and my character are clustered against one wall. . Most likely this is caused by the Snap to Grid feature on the map editor. It is located in the upper right hand corner of the map editor.
Altecan High Court Building#2: This is a short and simple map design. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. To block the other areas that you want to hide from the player consider using something like a plain wall segment or a "Building block" with a plain gray feature. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Hi, [NickName]" to read "Hi, Commander".
-Sending the person who just rescued her to get her Earl Grey tea seems a bit demeaning for her to do. Consider coming up with another reason for the player to go to the room and speak with the other NPCs.
Bepii 113: This is a nice map design and a good wrap up to the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Thanks so much. This is exactly the type of stuff I was looking for. I have scaled back the fights to make them less challenging. I've also spaced enemies out to give players more time to fight and recover. I have also added a lot of the initial dialogue you suggested. I had already taken a look at some of the UGC Starbase tutorials which gave me a lot of good ideas about triggers that I wouldn't have known about without it.
Do you give reports missions still only available to reviewers? Or only after they have been approved for general audience? Mine is still in the review stage but if you could give me some feedback on it, either as it is or once it's been approved I would greatly appreciate it. From what I've seen so far your reviews are exactly the kind of feedback I'm looking for to improve this and future projects.
Thanks so much. This is exactly the type of stuff I was looking for. I have scaled back the fights to make them less challenging. I've also spaced enemies out to give players more time to fight and recover. I have also added a lot of the initial dialogue you suggested. I had already taken a look at some of the UGC Starbase tutorials which gave me a lot of good ideas about triggers that I wouldn't have known about without it.
Hi Sarek,
Glad I could help. Keep on authoring. It is the work of the Foundry authors that add more depth to the STO experience.
Do you give reports missions still only available to reviewers? Or only after they have been approved for general audience? Mine is still in the review stage but if you could give me some feedback on it, either as it is or once it's been approved I would greatly appreciate it. From what I've seen so far your reviews are exactly the kind of feedback I'm looking for to improve this and future projects.
The info is also in a thread on this board available here.
Cheers
Hi remairtamec,
Welcome to the queue. I am able to see any available mission regardless of review status. You are currently 8th in the queue behind NCC-89471. I will post here once the review is completed.
Federation Mission - Dark Alliance Part 1
Author: Skydawn
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPVNOTTZY
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission with good map designs, tough, but, fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I would highly recommend this mission to other players although not on Elite level. It is a great beginning to the series.
I noted the use of the response button "Continue" quite a lot in the mission. Even though this is a personal preference I feel it is something for you to consider. The use of "Continue" can be appropriate in conjunction with some dialog but many others it seems awkward. The Captain should always respond to a report or other information given in the dialog. You can also use this as a stepping stone to the next dialog. Despite the fact the Foundry is limited in what you can do to have the player more active in conversations; the use of [OOC] dialogue within that conversation gives the author that tool. I have seen it used in other missions and have used it myself. I have used the following;
[OOC][Rank] LastName]:
Story dialogue here.[/OOC]
You can also have additional dialogue after the [OOC] if needed and finish the player response in the response button.
I have not mentioned this for a while but found it a couple of times on the "Earth Space Dock" map. The use of lower case spelling for ranks in the dialogue. As a retired U.S. Navy Chief and after 24 years of service I can say that by tradition if referring in generic terms to a rank the use of lower case letters is fine. For example "The rank of captain is one that every officer would like to achieve". When referring to a person of a specific rank you should capitalize the first letter. For example "I'm Alicia Gray, Captain of the U.S.S. Centurion" vice the way it shows up in the story. It is something to consider and other players might miss it completely.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This description tells the player nothing of the story. Consider adding a little of the story to draw the player in. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location to the initial task to help the player find the start position. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Admiral Fielding's Office: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue". I will note the maps this appears on and discuss it in the summary above.
Garion Station Orbit: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider moving the trigger for the "Intercept the enemy ship" further out from the Main Enemy Battleship. The surprise you were aiming at failed to trigger properly. I was within 11km of that ship when you triggered the dialogue that leads to the Enemy Cruiser. Unfortunately I turned off the feature that stops the player when dialogue appears. So I was engaged with the Main Enemy Battleship before the second ship could be triggered by dialogue. I ended up defeating the two ships separately which made the dialogue that was triggered seem out of place.
Sol System: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
Earth Space Dock: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue. This will allow the dialogue to go away once the player interacts with it. It can also be set to go away once a particular task is completed.
-Consider changing rank references to capitalize the first letter of the full rank when referring to a specific person in that rank. I will cover this in more detail in the summary.
-Several of the doors you placed to cover an entry way are not lined up with the entry way. Most likely this is caused by the Snap to Grid feature on the map editor. It is located in the upper right hand corner of the map editor.
Earth Space Dock Sub Deck 1385: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue.
-Consider changing rank references to capitalize the first letter of the full rank when referring to a specific person in that rank.
-The "Activate the power hubs" consoles appear to be lower than other consoles, which makes it look odd when the player interacts with it. Consider raising the consoles. Most likely this is caused by the Snap to Grid feature on the map editor
-The post "Activate the central computer" dialogue; consider changing "In their name, I, Lord Magdagon, I will destroy you" to read "In their name, I, Lord Magdagon, will destroy you".
Sol System - Earth Orbit: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. It is a good wrap up to this mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with the development of this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future and the next mission in this series.
Brian
This critique report also filed 03/05/2013 on forum posting for: Dark Alliance Series
If you have some free time I would love a review of my first foundry mission:
Name: The Odin
Foundry ID: ST-HAR7Y9G9M
Author: Hiigariain
Level: 16+
Allegiance: Starfleet
It is relatively short... probably only 30 mins or so.
Thanks!
Hi Hiigariain,
Welcome to the Foundry and my queue. You are currently 9th in the queue behind remairtamec. I am currently working a swing shift for the rest of this month and next month. I work on the queue as my job allows me, which is mostly weekends, and some weekdays if I have time before I go to work. I will get to your mission as soon as I can and will post here when the review is done.
This mission is the sequel to,
"Mission of Mercy."
The Starfleet Command Council has ordered you back to Earth. With the Psi Velorum Sector at the mercy of the unknown aliens you encountered at Dera II, Starfleet needs to put a plan together quickly. The Council is also deeply disturbed by the actions of Commander H'dean, and his connection to Empress Sela. However, you will have to deal with the unknown aliens before you can go after H'dean.
Welcome to the queue. I am able to see any available mission regardless of review status. You are currently 8th in the queue behind NCC-89471. I will post here once the review is completed.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Great I look forward to seeing your thoughts on it. I've just uploaded v1.1 based on some feedback from a friend and some things I noticed from watching them play, mostly typos. All the details I gave before are still valid, just hopefully a few less spelling errors for you to notice
Federation Mission - Dark Alliance Part 1
Author: Skydawn
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPVNOTTZY
Thank you so much. Admittedly when I created that mission, I didn't know about the "Snap to Grid" button yet lol. Great suggestions! I've been using the Continue box to divide the text so that the player doesn't feel like they're reading walls. Now I can see how that in itself can get confusing though. I'll try to improve on it.
This mission is the sequel to,
"Mission of Mercy."
The Starfleet Command Council has ordered you back to Earth. With the Psi Velorum Sector at the mercy of the unknown aliens you encountered at Dera II, Starfleet needs to put a plan together quickly. The Council is also deeply disturbed by the actions of Commander H'dean, and his connection to Empress Sela. However, you will have to deal with the unknown aliens before you can go after H'dean.
Welcome back to the queue. You are currently 10th in the queue behind Hiigariain. I hope to get into the queue this weekend if not earlier. I will post here in the forums when the review is completed.
Great I look forward to seeing your thoughts on it. I've just uploaded v1.1 based on some feedback from a friend and some things I noticed from watching them play, mostly typos. All the details I gave before are still valid, just hopefully a few less spelling errors for you to notice
Thank you so much. Admittedly when I created that mission, I didn't know about the "Snap to Grid" button yet lol. Great suggestions! I've been using the Continue box to divide the text so that the player doesn't feel like they're reading walls. Now I can see how that in itself can get confusing though. I'll try to improve on it.
Glad you enjoyed it.
Glad I could help. I hope to get back into the queue this weekend if not sooner and get to part 2 of this series.
Thanks for authoring and keep up the good work.
Brian
Welcome to the Foundry and my queue. You are currently 9th in the queue behind remairtamec. I am currently working a swing shift for the rest of this month and next month. I work on the queue as my job allows me, which is mostly weekends, and some weekdays if I have time before I go to work. I will get to your mission as soon as I can and will post here when the review is done.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Thank you for taking the time to do this!
Whenever you get the chance is perfect for me. Have fun!
I'm looking for suggestions on what I can do to improve it. thanks!
Don't let them promote you. Don't let them transfer you. Don't let them do anything that takes you off the bridge of that ship, because while you're there... you can make a difference.
-Captain James T. Kirk
Hello there Brian, my name is Bryan :P Anywho, I published this mission a couple of weeks ago and got some feedback and updated things accordingly, so now I'm looking for some more opinions. Yours would be nice, especially because yours are so thorough This is my first mission, so I'd like to know how I can improve overall as well as the specific mission. For example, my story-telling, dialogue style, pacing, character design, etc. as well as anything about this specific mission.
I'm looking for suggestions on what I can do to improve it. thanks!
Hi djf021,
Welcome to the queue. You are currently 11th in the queue behind treky1134. I am hoping to get into the queue this weekend. I will post the review here in the forms once it is completed.
Mission Name: No Prize for Second Contact II
Author: Contactpsi
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HL6S9MR6F
Estimated Mission Length: 45-60 minutes
Hey again, Evil! Act II has been published. Would you have time to provide one of your reviews?
Hi Contactpsi,
Welcome back to the queue with act II. You are currently 12th in the queue behind djf021. It has been a long week at work and I hope I can get into the queue this weekend. I will get to your mission as soon as I can and post here when completed.
Hello there Brian, my name is Bryan :P Anywho, I published this mission a couple of weeks ago and got some feedback and updated things accordingly, so now I'm looking for some more opinions. Yours would be nice, especially because yours are so thorough This is my first mission, so I'd like to know how I can improve overall as well as the specific mission. For example, my story-telling, dialogue style, pacing, character design, etc. as well as anything about this specific mission.
Thanks a ton!
Thol Komihntra
Hi Bryan,
Welcome to the queue and to the Foundry. You are currently 13th in the queue behind Contactpsi. I am working through the queue in between my real world work and will get to your mission as soon as I can. I will post the review here in the forums when it is completed.
I completed the review of "Fluidic Relations" however due to an error on my part the data I was collecting on the mission for review was incomplete. This is partially caused by real world work load, combined with exhaustion. Therefore all mission reviews are currently on hold until further notice. I will post here when I restart the queue.
Comments
ID: ST-HQ7JQ5IID
Title: Never Count a Gorn Out
Author: @Maziken
Faction: KDF
Playtime: 40 to 60 minutes
Difficulty: Tough
Description: A secret Federation starbase has been revealed and you are ordered to infiltrate it to gather as much data as you can. Will you sneak your way through the installation, only alerting those Starfleet Officers that you must, or will you eradicate every last one of them from the starbase?
Thanks in advance!
Hi dougglendower,
Welcome to the queue. You are 7th in the queue behind ashtaku. I am working a lot right now so I will get into the queue as I can, and will post the review here when it is completed.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Hey diogene0,
Welcome back to the queue. Yes, I do still enjoy reviewing missions. Authors of these missions make the STO experience a richer one for us all. If my reviews can help them improve their work, so much the better.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Hi Maziken,
Welcome back to the queue.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Mission Name: Ghosts of War, Part VI (aka "Time's Hammer")
Author: NCC-89471
Minimum Level: 35+
Allegiance: Federation
ID: ST-HB3UDU2GK
Playtime: 30-45 min
Method of Report Delivery: This thread and/or the Ghosts of War thread
I expect to be tweaking this mission a lot based on feedback, especially Map 7, which is probably the most complex and SFX-laden map I've ever done. (Hint: It features a huge ground battle that doesn't involve you, and that you must sidestep as you carry out your objectives; defend yourself if you have to but don't go wading into the fray unless absolutely necessary.)
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Hi NCC-89471,
Welcome back to the queue with the 6th mission in your series. You are currently 10th in the queue behind maziken. Looks like I do not have to work this weekend so I will be able to work on the queue this weekend.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - Franklin Drake Must Die
Author: syberghost
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJPILABJJ
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with well designed maps and tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written and I noted no spelling or grammatical errors. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: These are good grant and follow on dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider putting the start location for the first custom map in the initial mission task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Admiral Johnson's Office: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. My ship is named "Essex" but based on your usage of the "Kearsarge" later in the mission I will assume you did not use [ShipName] in the dialogue. If you did you might want to change it.
Korvat 2409: This is a nice map design with some fun optional and required combat. The story dialogue is short but well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding initial dialogue that explains the arrival in the system and alerts the player to the presence of enemy mobs.
Korvat 2266: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Korvat Ground: This is a good map design with several optional battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the backdoor transporter to an actual backdoor. Place a hatch that we have to break the entry code. A transporter seems like something that could be tracked. Then on the next map you can place another hatch behind where the player spawns.
Korvat Caves: This is a good map design with several tough, but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The console to deactivate the force field is not "back the way we came". It is east of the force field.
- If "Captain Johnson" is supposed to be in the cell he is not.
Korvat 2266#2: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-If the communication is "audio only" consider replacing Commander Corspa with the Kearsarge.
Korvat 2409#2: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 03/02/2013 on forum posting for: Franklin Drake Must Die.
Federation Mission - Yet There Be Method In It
Author: pbau3993
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HRKD9HYJ6
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with nice map designs, many very tough battles, and well written story dialogue. I enjoyed playing your mission and I would recommend this mission to all players, although not on Elite level. For a newcomer to the Foundry I would say you have a great start in mission development. There are several great tutorials regarding this and many other Foundry tutorials on Starbase UGC.
On several of your maps I mention the enemy battles need to be better balanced. What this means is while battling your way through a map can be fun it needs to have some balance to give the player a chance. The placement of all high level group's right on top of each other is way too much. Both space and interior battles where similarly out of balance with high level mobs that were also grouped together so the player is engaging several high level mobs all at once. As I mention in the map section below, it is hard enough on "Normal" and would most likely be impossible on "Elite" level.
This brings me to my next point regarding respawn points on the maps. On both space and interior maps I noted that there are no respawn points deeper into the map. If you are going to have such high level mobs, and even if they are balanced mobs, you need to add respawn points deeper into the maps. If you manage to fight all the way across a map and engage a high level mob, as you wear them down you get killed, respawn and have to move all the way across the map to find them back at full strength it can get tedious. This is what I mean by balancing battles and having respawn points deeper in the map.
One more thing to consider, I mention adding initial dialogue to a map from a BOFF. This means you should add initial dialogue that displays when the player enters a map. This is usually a report from your Science, Tactical, or Engineering BOFF detailing a scan of the system or map, or threat, or engineering difficulties, and so on. It can help set the mood for the map and the mission. It gives you the chance to expand on the story and give the player something more than switching from map to map without any clear story except from dialogue. Basically it is your chance to tell the story for that map and maybe set up additional points to be used in later maps.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good detailed description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
-Consider adding the Starfleet Liaison dialogue to the end of the grant dialogue. Meeting with the Liaison to be told to go to the entrance of Agent Marion's office seems unnecessary.
-The start location for the first custom map, Agent Marion's office, would be best described as the corridor across from the transporter room, right side door, or something along those lines.
Mission Task: Based on the above recommendation, consider changing the initial mission task to indicate the start location of the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Marion's Office: This is a nice map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial spawn point is too close to the entry door. Consider moving it out away from the wall.
-Consider changing "Good afternoon, [Rank] [NickName]" to read "Good afternoon, [Rank] [LastName]".
-Consider changing "I appreciate your concern, [NickName], but it is unneccessary" to read "I appreciate your concern, [Rank], but it is unnecessary".
-The closed door is not lined up with the regular map door. Most likely this is caused by the Snap to Grid feature on the map editor. It is located in the upper right hand corner of the map editor.
Bepii 113: This is a good map design with 4 very tough battles right on top of each other. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding some initial dialogue from at least one of the BOFFs to indicate the course of action or if they detect enemy units inbound. I will discuss this in the summary.
-On the previous map the dialogue referred to the system as "Bepi 113", but here is is "Bepii 113". Consider making them match.
-Consider placing respawn points deeper into the map. I will cover this in my summary.
-The enemy battles needs to be better balanced. It is difficult enough on "Normal" it would probably be impossible on "Elite". Having all high level enemy mobs right on top of each other makes it even worse. I will cover this in my summary.
Beta Triangulis 3: This is a good map design with 2 very tough battles right on top of each other. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding some initial dialogue.
-Consider placing respawn points deeper into the map.
-The enemy battles needs to be better balanced.
Alpha Ursae 2: This is a good map design with 2 very tough battles right on top of each other. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding some initial dialogue.
-Consider placing respawn points deeper into the map.
-The enemy battles needs to be better balanced.
-The post "Continue Searching" dialogue; consider changing "You're to late, Commander" to read "You're too late, Commander".
Klingon Intelligence Facility: This is a good map design with 4 very tough battles right on top of each other, followed by 2 very tough battles right on top of each other and one additional very tough group at the end. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider placing respawn points deeper into the map.
-The enemy battles needs to be better balanced.
-Consider adding debris that appears as the cell is destroyed.
Alpha Ursae 2: This is a good map design with tough but fun battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding some initial dialogue.
Altec Prime: This is a short and simple map design. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding some initial dialogue.
Altecan High Court Building: This is a short and simple map design. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. To block the other areas that you want to hide from the player consider using something like a plain wall segment or a "Building block" with a plain gray feature. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider centering the spawn point on the transporter pad. The BOFFS and my character are clustered against one wall. . Most likely this is caused by the Snap to Grid feature on the map editor. It is located in the upper right hand corner of the map editor.
Altecan High Court Building#2: This is a short and simple map design. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. To block the other areas that you want to hide from the player consider using something like a plain wall segment or a "Building block" with a plain gray feature. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Hi, [NickName]" to read "Hi, Commander".
-Sending the person who just rescued her to get her Earl Grey tea seems a bit demeaning for her to do. Consider coming up with another reason for the player to go to the room and speak with the other NPCs.
Bepii 113: This is a nice map design and a good wrap up to the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 03/03/2013 on forum posting for: Yet There Be Method In It - First Foundry Mission
Do you give reports missions still only available to reviewers? Or only after they have been approved for general audience? Mine is still in the review stage but if you could give me some feedback on it, either as it is or once it's been approved I would greatly appreciate it. From what I've seen so far your reviews are exactly the kind of feedback I'm looking for to improve this and future projects.
Mission Name: Minefield
Author: remairtamec
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HGETQAUOO
Estimated Mission Length: ~45 minutes (depending on choices)
The info is also in a thread on this board available here.
Cheers
Click for more details
Hi Sarek,
Glad I could help. Keep on authoring. It is the work of the Foundry authors that add more depth to the STO experience.
Thaks for authoring,
Brian
Hi remairtamec,
Welcome to the queue. I am able to see any available mission regardless of review status. You are currently 8th in the queue behind NCC-89471. I will post here once the review is completed.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - Dark Alliance Part 1
Author: Skydawn
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPVNOTTZY
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission with good map designs, tough, but, fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I would highly recommend this mission to other players although not on Elite level. It is a great beginning to the series.
I noted the use of the response button "Continue" quite a lot in the mission. Even though this is a personal preference I feel it is something for you to consider. The use of "Continue" can be appropriate in conjunction with some dialog but many others it seems awkward. The Captain should always respond to a report or other information given in the dialog. You can also use this as a stepping stone to the next dialog. Despite the fact the Foundry is limited in what you can do to have the player more active in conversations; the use of [OOC] dialogue within that conversation gives the author that tool. I have seen it used in other missions and have used it myself. I have used the following;
[OOC][Rank] LastName]:
Story dialogue here.[/OOC]
You can also have additional dialogue after the [OOC] if needed and finish the player response in the response button.
I have not mentioned this for a while but found it a couple of times on the "Earth Space Dock" map. The use of lower case spelling for ranks in the dialogue. As a retired U.S. Navy Chief and after 24 years of service I can say that by tradition if referring in generic terms to a rank the use of lower case letters is fine. For example "The rank of captain is one that every officer would like to achieve". When referring to a person of a specific rank you should capitalize the first letter. For example "I'm Alicia Gray, Captain of the U.S.S. Centurion" vice the way it shows up in the story. It is something to consider and other players might miss it completely.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This description tells the player nothing of the story. Consider adding a little of the story to draw the player in. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location to the initial task to help the player find the start position. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Admiral Fielding's Office: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue". I will note the maps this appears on and discuss it in the summary above.
Garion Station Orbit: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider moving the trigger for the "Intercept the enemy ship" further out from the Main Enemy Battleship. The surprise you were aiming at failed to trigger properly. I was within 11km of that ship when you triggered the dialogue that leads to the Enemy Cruiser. Unfortunately I turned off the feature that stops the player when dialogue appears. So I was engaged with the Main Enemy Battleship before the second ship could be triggered by dialogue. I ended up defeating the two ships separately which made the dialogue that was triggered seem out of place.
Sol System: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
Earth Space Dock: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue. This will allow the dialogue to go away once the player interacts with it. It can also be set to go away once a particular task is completed.
-Consider changing rank references to capitalize the first letter of the full rank when referring to a specific person in that rank. I will cover this in more detail in the summary.
-Several of the doors you placed to cover an entry way are not lined up with the entry way. Most likely this is caused by the Snap to Grid feature on the map editor. It is located in the upper right hand corner of the map editor.
Earth Space Dock Sub Deck 1385: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue.
-Consider changing rank references to capitalize the first letter of the full rank when referring to a specific person in that rank.
-The "Activate the power hubs" consoles appear to be lower than other consoles, which makes it look odd when the player interacts with it. Consider raising the consoles. Most likely this is caused by the Snap to Grid feature on the map editor
-The post "Activate the central computer" dialogue; consider changing "In their name, I, Lord Magdagon, I will destroy you" to read "In their name, I, Lord Magdagon, will destroy you".
Sol System - Earth Orbit: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. It is a good wrap up to this mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with the development of this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future and the next mission in this series.
Brian
This critique report also filed 03/05/2013 on forum posting for: Dark Alliance Series
If you have some free time I would love a review of my first foundry mission:
Name: The Odin
Foundry ID: ST-HAR7Y9G9M
Author: Hiigariain
Level: 16+
Allegiance: Starfleet
It is relatively short... probably only 30 mins or so.
Thanks!
Review "The Odin" in the STO Foundry today!
Hi Hiigariain,
Welcome to the Foundry and my queue. You are currently 9th in the queue behind remairtamec. I am currently working a swing shift for the rest of this month and next month. I work on the queue as my job allows me, which is mostly weekends, and some weekdays if I have time before I go to work. I will get to your mission as soon as I can and will post here when the review is done.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
"Mission of Mercy."
The Starfleet Command Council has ordered you back to Earth. With the Psi Velorum Sector at the mercy of the unknown aliens you encountered at Dera II, Starfleet needs to put a plan together quickly. The Council is also deeply disturbed by the actions of Commander H'dean, and his connection to Empress Sela. However, you will have to deal with the unknown aliens before you can go after H'dean.
Name: Hostile Diplomacy
I.D. ST-HQCXC9HXF
Faction: Starfleet
Level: 31+
Author: treky1134
Thnx for reviewing.
Great
Cheers!
Click for more details
Thank you so much. Admittedly when I created that mission, I didn't know about the "Snap to Grid" button yet lol. Great suggestions! I've been using the Continue box to divide the text so that the player doesn't feel like they're reading walls. Now I can see how that in itself can get confusing though. I'll try to improve on it.
Glad you enjoyed it.
by @Skydawn - member of Starbase UGC
Hey treky1134,
Welcome back to the queue. You are currently 10th in the queue behind Hiigariain. I hope to get into the queue this weekend if not earlier. I will post here in the forums when the review is completed.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
I look forward to reviewing it.
Brian
Glad I could help. I hope to get back into the queue this weekend if not sooner and get to part 2 of this series.
Thanks for authoring and keep up the good work.
Brian
Thank you for taking the time to do this!
Whenever you get the chance is perfect for me. Have fun!
Review "The Odin" in the STO Foundry today!
Author: djf021
Minimum Level: 16 or above
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HICAZDFJI
Estimated Mission Length: 30-45 minutes
I'm looking for suggestions on what I can do to improve it. thanks!
Don't let them promote you. Don't let them transfer you. Don't let them do anything that takes you off the bridge of that ship, because while you're there... you can make a difference.
-Captain James T. Kirk
Author: Contactpsi
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HL6S9MR6F
Estimated Mission Length: 45-60 minutes
Hey again, Evil! Act II has been published. Would you have time to provide one of your reviews?
Author: uncle2fire
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HENPNLRSY
Estimated Mission Length: 30-45 minutes
Hello there Brian, my name is Bryan :P Anywho, I published this mission a couple of weeks ago and got some feedback and updated things accordingly, so now I'm looking for some more opinions. Yours would be nice, especially because yours are so thorough
Thanks a ton!
Thol Komihntra
Hi djf021,
Welcome to the queue. You are currently 11th in the queue behind treky1134. I am hoping to get into the queue this weekend. I will post the review here in the forms once it is completed.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Hi Contactpsi,
Welcome back to the queue with act II. You are currently 12th in the queue behind djf021. It has been a long week at work and I hope I can get into the queue this weekend. I will get to your mission as soon as I can and post here when completed.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Hi Bryan,
Welcome to the queue and to the Foundry. You are currently 13th in the queue behind Contactpsi. I am working through the queue in between my real world work and will get to your mission as soon as I can. I will post the review here in the forums when it is completed.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
I apologize for the inconvenience.
Brian
My character Tsin'xing