Since I have created my first mission in the Foundry and I would like it to be as good as possible, here is my request for review.
Mission Name: By Any Means
Author: SupremeLegate
Minimum Level: 46+
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HCEDLOVSV
Estimated Mission Length: Does not qualify for the wrapper so I guess less than 15 minutes.
Since I have created my first mission in the Foundry and I would like it to be as good as possible, here is my request for review.
Mission Name: By Any Means
Author: SupremeLegate
Minimum Level: 46+
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HCEDLOVSV
Estimated Mission Length: Does not qualify for the wrapper so I guess less than 15 minutes.
Looking forward to the feedback.
Hi Legate,
Welcome to the Foundry. You are currently 2nd in the queue behind skyline475. I will try to get to your mission sometime this weekend if possible. I will post the review here when I am done.
Description:
Your ship is needed in Romulan space to help aid the Romulan settlements. Both the settlements and the Federation supply convoys have come under attack from pirate raiders. Starfleet has decided that an officer of your experience is needed to ensure that vital supplies reach the Dera II settlement.
Description:
Your ship is needed in Romulan space to help aid the Romulan settlements. Both the settlements and the Federation supply convoys have come under attack from pirate raiders. Starfleet has decided that an officer of your experience is needed to ensure that vital supplies reach the Dera II settlement.
-Thanks for the review. Hope you enjoy!
Hi Treky,
I am on my way to work at the moment but I hope to get into the queue later today. Your mission is 3rd in the queue behind SupremeLegate, aka; zaynar. I will try to get to your mission sometime this weekend if possible. I will post the review here when I am done.
Summary: This is a good mission with several tough battles throughout, great map designs, and well written story dialogue. I would recommend this mission to other players.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider putting the start location of the first custom map in the initial task. It will make it easier for the player to start your mission. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: The Wave Empire Warp Gate: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Please alt stop" to read "Please all stop".
-Consider changing the response button "Helms bring her to an alt stop" to read "Helm, bring her to all stop".
The Wave Empire Warp Gate Docking Station Threshold: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Hmm, It'd be risky" to read "Hmm, it'd be risky"
Transport Shuttle F292: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "a lot of unawnsered questions" to read "a lot of unanswered questions".
-Consider changing "Load torpedos" to read "Load torpedoes".
-Consider changing "Torpedos are deadlocked" to read "Torpedoes are deadlocked".
-Consider changing "I can awnser them" to read "I can answer them".
-Consider changing "Captain, one hostle down" to read "Captain, one hostile down".
-Consider changing "Two hostles coming" to read "Two hostiles coming".
-Consider changing "use those torpedos" to read "use those torpedoes".
-Consider changing "Fire all aft torpedos" to read "Fire all aft torpedoes".
Achilles Maximum Prison: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Achilles System: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Unknown Location: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "the wrap gate now" to read "the warp gate now".
-Consider changing "We'll re-inforce you as soon as we can" to read "We'll reinforce you as soon as we can".
-Consider changing "All hostles neutralized" to read "All hostiles neutralized".
Breen Dreadnought Interior Brig Level: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "According to the ship's logg" to read "According to the ship's log".
NX7 Eclipse Bridge: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing Captain Yuina Skyline's dialogue to triggered dialogue, or make it part of the storyline.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission in the series. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Since I have created my first mission in the Foundry and I would like it to be as good as possible, here is my request for review.
Mission Name: By Any Means
Author: SupremeLegate
Minimum Level: 46+
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HCEDLOVSV
Estimated Mission Length: Does not qualify for the wrapper so I guess less than 15 minutes.
Looking forward to the feedback.
Klingon Mission - By Any Means
Author: SupremeLegate
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HCEDLOVSV
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission for your first time using the Foundry. The map designs are well done but some of the enemy mobs are pretty strong on the "Research Outpost" map. Consider starting with lower level enemy mobs and building them to higher levels as the player crosses the map. Then put the toughest enemy at the end of the map. Also consider developing a little more story to help move the mission forward. There are several great tutorials on Starbase UGC that will help you develop your Foundry skills.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good, short description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good use of the initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: General R'Kaal's Base: This is a good map design and the story dialogue is okay but the map does not seem to be necessary. Consider moving the Generals dialogue following the grant dialogue and you eliminate this map.
N'Ett'A: This is a good map design but the story needs a little more development. Consider adding a little more story dialogue to help make the story a little more interesting.
-Consider changing the response button "Helm, move into rang of the outpost" to read "Helm, move into range of the outpost".
Research Outpost: This is a good map design with several very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider setting the map up so the player moves from one side to the other to search the outpost.
-You used the response button "Continue" quite a bit on this map. It is a pet peeve of mine but I feel there are better responses especially when it comes to BOFF report responses.
-Consider changing the mission task "Acess Computer" to read "Access Computer".
-Consider changing the computer button "Interact" to "Access Computer".
To Battle!: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "What about the date" to read "What about the data".
-Consider changing the response button "The Undine wiped the comuter" to read "The Undine wiped the computer".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing the mission and even though it needs a little more work it is a great start. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Summary: This is a good mission with several tough battles throughout, great map designs, and well written story dialogue. I would recommend this mission to other players.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider putting the start location of the first custom map in the initial task. It will make it easier for the player to start your mission. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: The Wave Empire Warp Gate: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Please alt stop" to read "Please all stop".
-Consider changing the response button "Helms bring her to an alt stop" to read "Helm, bring her to all stop".
The Wave Empire Warp Gate Docking Station Threshold: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Hmm, It'd be risky" to read "Hmm, it'd be risky"
Transport Shuttle F292: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "a lot of unawnsered questions" to read "a lot of unanswered questions".
-Consider changing "Load torpedos" to read "Load torpedoes".
-Consider changing "Torpedos are deadlocked" to read "Torpedoes are deadlocked".
-Consider changing "I can awnser them" to read "I can answer them".
-Consider changing "Captain, one hostle down" to read "Captain, one hostile down".
-Consider changing "Two hostles coming" to read "Two hostiles coming".
-Consider changing "use those torpedos" to read "use those torpedoes".
-Consider changing "Fire all aft torpedos" to read "Fire all aft torpedoes".
Achilles Maximum Prison: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Achilles System: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Unknown Location: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "the wrap gate now" to read "the warp gate now".
-Consider changing "We'll re-inforce you as soon as we can" to read "We'll reinforce you as soon as we can".
-Consider changing "All hostles neutralized" to read "All hostiles neutralized".
Breen Dreadnought Interior Brig Level: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "According to the ship's logg" to read "According to the ship's log".
NX7 Eclipse Bridge: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing Captain Yuina Skyline's dialogue to triggered dialogue, or make it part of the storyline.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission in the series. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
I thought about making the end dialogue with Yuina apart of the storyline like you mentioned, but I choose to leave her as an option to talk to. My intentions where for the people that are getting involved with the series to get subtle hints as to what I'm planning for the next episode. I was also testing out how to work the optional dialogue trees for when I revamp Ep.1's Loerina map.
Mission Name: By Any Means
Author: SupremeLegate
Minimum Level: 46+
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HCEDLOVSV
Estimated Mission Length: Still does not qualify for the wrapper.
Also, if you have any suggestions on how to make it longer, without losing quality, so it will qualify for the wrapper would be appreciated.
I thought about making the end dialogue with Yuina apart of the storyline like you mentioned, but I choose to leave her as an option to talk to. My intentions where for the people that are getting involved with the series to get subtle hints as to what I'm planning for the next episode. I was also testing out how to work the optional dialogue trees for when I revamp Ep.1's Loerina map.
Mission Name: By Any Means
Author: SupremeLegate
Minimum Level: 46+
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HCEDLOVSV
Estimated Mission Length: Still does not qualify for the wrapper.
Also, if you have any suggestions on how to make it longer, without losing quality, so it will qualify for the wrapper would be appreciated.
I believe a mission will not qualify until it has reached a minimum number of plays and reviews. I am not sure what that level is anymore. It used to be five plays before it appeared in the regular queue of Foundry missions. The mission is more than long enough but my point was you need to develop a story to support the mission as it is currently laid out. You, as the author, are the only one who knows where you want to take the story.
Description:
Your ship is needed in Romulan space to help aid the Romulan settlements. Both the settlements and the Federation supply convoys have come under attack from pirate raiders. Starfleet has decided that an officer of your experience is needed to ensure that vital supplies reach the Dera II settlement.
Summary: This is a good mission with great map designs, tough, but fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I would highly recommend this mission to all players. You will enjoy this mission.
I mentioned the use of quotations in the response button on every map. The quotations used had a space between it and the first word of the button. The use of the quotations in the response button seems unnecessary. The response button by default is the player's response and therefore does not require quotations.
While on the subject of dialogue, even though the dialogue is excellent and I found only one spelling error, there are a few places that you should consider adjusting. The spaces in between some of the sentences appeared to be random at times. I am referring to the hard returns between specific sentences in the dialogue. Consider going through the dialogue to ensure the spaces are consistent throughout.
Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: Consider moving the "Author's Notes" to the description section. Then move the follow on dialogue to start on this screen. I noted a couple of items in the follow on dialogue to consider changing:
-Your starting quotation in the response button appears to have a space between it and the first word. Consider removing the quotations from the response button. The response button by default is the player's response.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a start location for the first custom map. Consider adding the sector block to ensure the player can find it more easily. I noted no spelling or errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt
MAPS: Dera II: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
- Your starting quotation in most of the response buttons appears to have a space between it and the first word. Consider removing the quotations from the response button. The response button by default is the player's response.
Deck 5: Section 21 Alpha: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-I understand what you did by trapping the BOFFs at the beginning of the map. Be careful doing this because you could trap the player as well. Consider moving the spawn point to allow the BOFFs and player to appear on the map. Then give direction to the player to have the player use the rally point for the BOFFs.
-Your starting quotation in most of the response buttons appears to have a space between it and the first word. Consider removing the quotations from the response button. The response button by default is the player's response.
- I liked the transporter effect, but consider lowering the transporter overhead to be closer to the transporter column effect.
Dera System: This is a great map design with some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Your starting quotation in most of the response buttons appears to have a space between it and the first word. Consider removing the quotations from the response button. The response button by default is the player's response.
-The "Weather Starstreaks North South" seems to be bugged with the streaks going both directions at regular impulse. Consider changing your map orientation to a westerly orientation and using "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect. It looks more like warp space than the other. The only potential issue is the return trip to Dera II.
The Settlement: This is a great map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Your starting quotation in most of the response buttons appears to have a space between it and the first word. Consider removing the quotations from the response button. The response button by default is the player's response.
-The Governor Avrak dialogue; consider changing "Now im sure you have questions" to read "Now I'm sure you have questions"
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission. I enjoyed it and look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Mission Name: By Any Means
Author: SupremeLegate
Minimum Level: 46+
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HCEDLOVSV
Estimated Mission Length: Still does not qualify for the wrapper.
Also, if you have any suggestions on how to make it longer, without losing quality, so it will qualify for the wrapper would be appreciated.
It occurs to me that I may have been a little harsh in my previous response to you. I apologize for that. Let me clarify my points a little more.
First of all, in my opinion, writing a Klingon mission has got to be one of the hardest tasks an author can undertake. This can be especially true if it is your first time creating a mission in the Foundry. Finding the balance between tough combat, mission oriented tasks, and story dialogue is not an easy task. There are several great Klingon missions out there that demonstrate the true heart of the Klingon. Thoughtful, yet able to fight against impossible odds, sure in the knowledge of victory, or they will die trying. My take on the Klingon warrior, especially one who rises to command a starship, is they are tough, understand tactics, and would never charge blindly into battle. They would understand the need for tactics and always fight honorably. In the Klingon heart only a coward would fight otherwise.
My second point, is deciding how you want the story to end. Even if the story is one in a series or story arc you must decide what the goal or end point of the particular mission is. Of course when you are writing a single mission in a series you need to know how you plan to end series. Otherwise the story will not blend together and make sense to the player. If you know how you want a particular story to end then you can figure out how to write the dialogue, design the maps and interactions, which includes battles, to get the story to that point. I tend to write the story with the assumption that a players character would not be in command of a starship if they were stupid. This draws the player into the story and makes them feel a part of what is happening.
I wrote a paper titled "Evil70th - Best Practices" located on page 5 of this forum post. It covers several points that, in my opinion, help make a mission work. Remember, every author here started out learning how to use the Foundry. Use the resources that are available to you here on the forums and at Starbase UGC. Most authors are happy to help you with ideas and tutorials that will help you make even better missions.
First Evil let me say, I did not think your comments were harsh. They were in fact helpful, and cleared up a misunderstanding I apparently had.
Anyway, I have gone back in and reworked the mission. I completely redid the Research Outpost portion as well as added bits to the N'Ett'A and Battle! portions. I look forward to seeing what you have to say about this version.
Mission Name: By Any Means
Author: SupremeLegate
Minimum Level: 46+
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HCEDLOVSV
Estimated Mission Length: Unknown (Not long)
Mission name - Return to Armageddon
Author - Bluedarky
Minimum Level - Any
Allegiance - Federation
Project ID - ST-HQN0569L5
Estimated run time - 20-30 mins.
First Evil let me say, I did not think your comments were harsh. They were in fact helpful, and cleared up a misunderstanding I apparently had.
Anyway, I have gone back in and reworked the mission. I completely redid the Research Outpost portion as well as added bits to the N'Ett'A and Battle! portions. I look forward to seeing what you have to say about this version.
Mission Name: By Any Means
Author: SupremeLegate
Minimum Level: 46+
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HCEDLOVSV
Estimated Mission Length: Unknown (Not long)
Hi zaynar,
I will try to re-review your mission this weekend and post the review here when done.
Mission name - Return to Armageddon
Author - Bluedarky
Minimum Level - Any
Allegiance - Federation
Project ID - ST-HQN0569L5
Estimated run time - 20-30 mins.
Hi bluedarky,
You are 2nd in the queue behind zaynar. I hope to get to the mission queue this weekend.
First Evil let me say, I did not think your comments were harsh. They were in fact helpful, and cleared up a misunderstanding I apparently had.
Anyway, I have gone back in and reworked the mission. I completely redid the Research Outpost portion as well as added bits to the N'Ett'A and Battle! portions. I look forward to seeing what you have to say about this version.
Mission Name: By Any Means
Author: SupremeLegate
Minimum Level: 46+
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HCEDLOVSV
Estimated Mission Length: Unknown (Not long)
Klingon Mission - By Any Means
Author: SupremeLegate
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HCEDLOVSV
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission for your first time using the Foundry. The map designs are good and the battles are tough but glorious. The story dialogue is well written. I would recommend this mission to other Klingon players.
Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant and follow on dialogue are well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: You should add the start location of the first custom map to include the sector.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: N'Ett'A: This is a good map design with a glorious battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding triggered dialogue that happens after a couple of the satellites at random. It would make it a little more interesting rather than just flying from satellite to satellite.
Research Outpost: This is a good map design with several tough, but glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The post "Access Files" dialogue; consider changing "We can't letany of them escape" to read "We can't let any of them escape".
Battle!: This is a good map design with tough but glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job reworking this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Mission name - Return to Armageddon
Author - Bluedarky
Minimum Level - Any
Allegiance - Federation
Project ID - ST-HQN0569L5
Estimated run time - 20-30 mins.
Summary: It is a nice, mostly combat oriented mission, with good map designs, several tough battles, and well written story dialogue to move the mission forward. It is a good follow-on story to a TOS mission. I would recommend this mission to anyone who likes a mostly combat oriented mission, with tough battles, and well written story dialogue. Although I would not recommend it on Elite level due to the tough nature of the battles.
I noted the use of the response button "Continue" quite a lot in the mission. Even though this is a personal preference I feel it is something for you to consider. The use of "Continue" can be appropriate in conjunction with some dialog but many others it seems awkward. On several of them the Captain should always respond to a report or other information given to them in the dialog. You can also use this as a stepping stone to the next dialog.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location of the first custom map to include the sector.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Earth Spacedock (Cryptic Map): The meeting with Linnea to be told to go to K-7 space station seems unnecessary to the mission. Consider moving it to be follow-on dialogue for the Grant Mission Dialogue.
Eminiar System - Vendikar Orbit: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue". I will note the maps this appears on and discuss it in the summary above.
Eminiar System - Eminiar Trading Station:This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
The initial dialogue; consider changing "escort you to a disintigration chamber" to read "escort you to a disintegration chamber".
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing "More ships on an intercept course captain" to read "More ships on an intercept course Captain".
Eminiar Trading Station: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Check your enemy mobs. A couple of them are showing up as "Orion Enforcer".
Eminiar System - Vendikar Return: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "Open Communications" to read "Open communications".
-Consider changing "you will come with us to be disintigrated" to read "you will come with us to be disintegrated".
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "We can beam down on your orders Captain" to read "We can beam down your order Captain".
Vendikar: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding some initial dialogue from a BOFF directing the player to reach the Ambassador. They can also warn of several enemies between them and the Ambassador.
-Consider adding additional re-spawn points deeper in the map
-The post "Reach the Ambassador" dialogue; consider changing "have to report for disintigration" to read "have to report for disintegration".
-The use of the response button "Continue".
Medical Bay: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Ambassador is facing backwards on the medical bed.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 02/16/2013 on forum posting for: Return to Armageddon
I would like to add my mission to review. I know it's probably not the best, but I guess that's why I've come to you to help. What I would like you to keep in mind that I was going for an immersion factor.
Name: Mirror Invasion: Friend or Foe?
Author: @gamerboy100
ID: ST-HJIY47V0Z
Language: English
Level: 31+
Faction: Starfleet
Estimated time: around 20 minutes.
I would like to add my mission to review. I know it's probably not the best, but I guess that's why I've come to you to help. What I would like you to keep in mind that I was going for an immersion factor.
Name: Mirror Invasion: Friend or Foe?
Author: @gamerboy100
ID: ST-HJIY47V0Z
Language: English
Level: 31+
Faction: Starfleet
Estimated time: around 20 minutes.
Hey gameboy,
Thanks for the review request. I hope I can help and I will keep in mind the immersion factor you are going for. You are next up in the queue.
Hey evil, I'm back with part three of my series. Already getting good reviews but would love to read your take on it.
Mission name - Star Trek: Allegiance Part 3
Author - chicochavez
Minimum Level - 31+
Allegiance - Federation
Project ID - ST-HQYXPHSIE
Estimated run time - Under 1 hour.
Also curious, have you been keeping track at all with the dilithium you've been getting from the new system? Had some fleet mates just start my series and they were picking up 1440 from the first two but a bit less from this one. I'm thinking 1440 might be the max for one hour of play, but curious to know if anyone else has seen something different. Figured you play so many missions you might have noticed a pattern by now.
Cheers.
Play Star Trek: Allegiance - my first series in the Foundry
Hey evil, I'm back with part three of my series. Already getting good reviews but would love to read your take on it.
Mission name - Star Trek: Allegiance Part 3
Author - chicochavez
Minimum Level - 31+
Allegiance - Federation
Project ID - ST-HQYXPHSIE
Estimated run time - Under 1 hour.
Also curious, have you been keeping track at all with the dilithium you've been getting from the new system? Had some fleet mates just start my series and they were picking up 1440 from the first two but a bit less from this one. I'm thinking 1440 might be the max for one hour of play, but curious to know if anyone else has seen something different. Figured you play so many missions you might have noticed a pattern by now.
Cheers.
Hi chicochavez,
Thanks for the review request. I will try to get to this before the weekend ends but I may not get to it until next week.
I have not been paying attention to the dilithium coming in for my reviews. I use my Vice Admiral character to do most of the reviews and the "Investigate" daily has not been available. I do not know if that is by design or just the option has been removed. Anyway I do not do the reviews for the dilithium. I do it to try and help authors, which makes the game player better.
I would like to add my mission to review. I know it's probably not the best, but I guess that's why I've come to you to help. What I would like you to keep in mind that I was going for an immersion factor.
Name: Mirror Invasion: Friend or Foe?
Author: @gamerboy100
ID: ST-HJIY47V0Z
Language: English
Level: 31+
Faction: Starfleet
Estimated time: around 20 minutes.
Summary: This is a good mission with excellent map designs, fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I would recommend this mission to all players. Your estimate of 20 minutes mission length is more like 45 minutes to an hour with the dialogue, which is not bad with a good story like yours, but you should consider putting in the option to skip dialogue and provide a summary to the player. I have seen this in other missions and used it myself.
In an immersive story the use of the response button "Continue" takes the player along as a passenger vice a participant. Consider drawing the player into the mission by adding more interaction from the player. Realizing that the Foundry is limited in what you can do to have the player more active in conversations, the use of [OOC] dialogue within that conversation gives the author that tool. I have seen it used in other missions and have used it myself. I have used the following;
[OOC][Rank] LastName]:
Story dialogue here.[/OOC]
You can also have additional dialogue after the [OOC] if needed and finish the player response in the response button.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is an intriguing and well written description. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Terrans do for the federation" to read "Terrans do for the Federation".
-Consider changing the "Note" section to [OOC] to make it stand out.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The task consider changing "Rendevous with U.S.S. Dirac" to read "Rendezvous with U.S.S. Dirac".
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location to the initial task to include the sector.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Rhi System: This is a nice simple, but short map with well written dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "IThe Dirac is hailing us sir" to read "The Dirac is hailing us sir".
Dirac Bridge: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue". I will note the maps this appears on and discuss it in the summary above.
Terran Hostiles: This is a good map design with a fun battle. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Edge of Rhi System: This is a good map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
Starbase 93: This is a nicely designed map but maybe a little short and I am not sure if it is needed. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
Starbase 93 conference level: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The "Check out lounge" task seems unnecessary. I understand the purpose of this is to get the player out of the other room while you change it up, however the player does not seem to serve a purpose in the conversation that takes place. I'll cover this in the summary above, regarding use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider moving the trigger that has Tormek beam in. Also consider moving Tormek?s position so that the player walks right in where you currently have Tormek.
Rhi Rumble: This is a good map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Following the "Hold back ships" consider changing the "Interact" button to read "Report" or something along those lines.
Lexington Ready Room: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Thanks for the review request. I will try to get to this before the weekend ends but I may not get to it until next week.
I have not been paying attention to the dilithium coming in for my reviews. I use my Vice Admiral character to do most of the reviews and the "Investigate" daily has not been available. I do not know if that is by design or just the option has been removed. Anyway I do not do the reviews for the dilithium. I do it to try and help authors, which makes the game player better.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Hmm, seems you've missed the whole "Foundry War" thing that's been going on for the past month. You're probably better off. At this point the IOR has been removed, now all missions that meet the basic qualifications as before will give out Dilithium based on their length, though its still up to debate whether it is average time for the mission or the players specific time.
Play Star Trek: Allegiance - my first series in the Foundry
Hmm, seems you've missed the whole "Foundry War" thing that's been going on for the past month. You're probably better off. At this point the IOR has been removed, now all missions that meet the basic qualifications as before will give out Dilithium based on their length, though its still up to debate whether it is average time for the mission or the players specific time.
It was only in the last week, chico. Anyway, the synopsis of the whole "foundry war" debacle that chico mentioned is that the Investigate Officer Reports wrapper has been removed in the latest patch. I think this removal has upset a lot more people than the whole dilithium removal. because of the fact that they were playing the foundry just for the marks. The dilithium is still there, just as an automatic reward as chico has said.
I'll read your feedback a bit later. Thanks for doing it by the way!
Comments
Original Handle: @Q400
Join Date: December 2010
Glad I could help.
Brian
Got another mission for you to check out when you can.
Mission Name: The Wave Empire Ep.4
Author: Skyline45
Minimum Level: 35+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HQDWSGADV
Est. Time: 50min
Recommended Difficulty: Normal
My Foundry Missions:
The Wave Empire Series: http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?t=279751
Hi Skyline,
I will try to get to this sometime this weekend, but I am working most of it. I will post here when I am done.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Mission Name: By Any Means
Author: SupremeLegate
Minimum Level: 46+
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HCEDLOVSV
Estimated Mission Length: Does not qualify for the wrapper so I guess less than 15 minutes.
Looking forward to the feedback.
Hi Legate,
Welcome to the Foundry. You are currently 2nd in the queue behind skyline475. I will try to get to your mission sometime this weekend if possible. I will post the review here when I am done.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
I.D. ST-HRYMYOVI3
Author: treky1134
Faction: Starfleet
Level: 16+
Description:
Your ship is needed in Romulan space to help aid the Romulan settlements. Both the settlements and the Federation supply convoys have come under attack from pirate raiders. Starfleet has decided that an officer of your experience is needed to ensure that vital supplies reach the Dera II settlement.
-Thanks for the review. Hope you enjoy!
Hi Treky,
I am on my way to work at the moment but I hope to get into the queue later today. Your mission is 3rd in the queue behind SupremeLegate, aka; zaynar. I will try to get to your mission sometime this weekend if possible. I will post the review here when I am done.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - The Wave Empire Ep.4
Author: Skyline45
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HQDWSGADV
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with several tough battles throughout, great map designs, and well written story dialogue. I would recommend this mission to other players.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider putting the start location of the first custom map in the initial task. It will make it easier for the player to start your mission. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
The Wave Empire Warp Gate: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Please alt stop" to read "Please all stop".
-Consider changing the response button "Helms bring her to an alt stop" to read "Helm, bring her to all stop".
The Wave Empire Warp Gate Docking Station Threshold: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Hmm, It'd be risky" to read "Hmm, it'd be risky"
Transport Shuttle F292: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "a lot of unawnsered questions" to read "a lot of unanswered questions".
-Consider changing "Load torpedos" to read "Load torpedoes".
-Consider changing "Torpedos are deadlocked" to read "Torpedoes are deadlocked".
-Consider changing "I can awnser them" to read "I can answer them".
-Consider changing "Captain, one hostle down" to read "Captain, one hostile down".
-Consider changing "Two hostles coming" to read "Two hostiles coming".
-Consider changing "use those torpedos" to read "use those torpedoes".
-Consider changing "Fire all aft torpedos" to read "Fire all aft torpedoes".
Achilles Maximum Prison: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Achilles System: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Unknown Location: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "the wrap gate now" to read "the warp gate now".
-Consider changing "We'll re-inforce you as soon as we can" to read "We'll reinforce you as soon as we can".
-Consider changing "All hostles neutralized" to read "All hostiles neutralized".
Breen Dreadnought Interior Brig Level: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "According to the ship's logg" to read "According to the ship's log".
NX7 Eclipse Bridge: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing Captain Yuina Skyline's dialogue to triggered dialogue, or make it part of the storyline.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission in the series. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 02/09/2013 on forum posting for: The Wave Empire Series
Klingon Mission - By Any Means
Author: SupremeLegate
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HCEDLOVSV
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission for your first time using the Foundry. The map designs are well done but some of the enemy mobs are pretty strong on the "Research Outpost" map. Consider starting with lower level enemy mobs and building them to higher levels as the player crosses the map. Then put the toughest enemy at the end of the map. Also consider developing a little more story to help move the mission forward. There are several great tutorials on Starbase UGC that will help you develop your Foundry skills.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good, short description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good use of the initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
General R'Kaal's Base: This is a good map design and the story dialogue is okay but the map does not seem to be necessary. Consider moving the Generals dialogue following the grant dialogue and you eliminate this map.
N'Ett'A: This is a good map design but the story needs a little more development. Consider adding a little more story dialogue to help make the story a little more interesting.
-Consider changing the response button "Helm, move into rang of the outpost" to read "Helm, move into range of the outpost".
Research Outpost: This is a good map design with several very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider setting the map up so the player moves from one side to the other to search the outpost.
-You used the response button "Continue" quite a bit on this map. It is a pet peeve of mine but I feel there are better responses especially when it comes to BOFF report responses.
-Consider changing the mission task "Acess Computer" to read "Access Computer".
-Consider changing the computer button "Interact" to "Access Computer".
To Battle!: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "What about the date" to read "What about the data".
-Consider changing the response button "The Undine wiped the comuter" to read "The Undine wiped the computer".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing the mission and even though it needs a little more work it is a great start. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Thank you again for your review evil xD
I thought about making the end dialogue with Yuina apart of the storyline like you mentioned, but I choose to leave her as an option to talk to. My intentions where for the people that are getting involved with the series to get subtle hints as to what I'm planning for the next episode. I was also testing out how to work the optional dialogue trees for when I revamp Ep.1's Loerina map.
My Foundry Missions:
The Wave Empire Series: http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?t=279751
Mission Name: By Any Means
Author: SupremeLegate
Minimum Level: 46+
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HCEDLOVSV
Estimated Mission Length: Still does not qualify for the wrapper.
Also, if you have any suggestions on how to make it longer, without losing quality, so it will qualify for the wrapper would be appreciated.
Glad I could help.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
I believe a mission will not qualify until it has reached a minimum number of plays and reviews. I am not sure what that level is anymore. It used to be five plays before it appeared in the regular queue of Foundry missions. The mission is more than long enough but my point was you need to develop a story to support the mission as it is currently laid out. You, as the author, are the only one who knows where you want to take the story.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - Mission of Mercy
Author: treky1134
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HRYMYOVI3
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with great map designs, tough, but fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I would highly recommend this mission to all players. You will enjoy this mission.
I mentioned the use of quotations in the response button on every map. The quotations used had a space between it and the first word of the button. The use of the quotations in the response button seems unnecessary. The response button by default is the player's response and therefore does not require quotations.
While on the subject of dialogue, even though the dialogue is excellent and I found only one spelling error, there are a few places that you should consider adjusting. The spaces in between some of the sentences appeared to be random at times. I am referring to the hard returns between specific sentences in the dialogue. Consider going through the dialogue to ensure the spaces are consistent throughout.
Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: Consider moving the "Author's Notes" to the description section. Then move the follow on dialogue to start on this screen. I noted a couple of items in the follow on dialogue to consider changing:
-Your starting quotation in the response button appears to have a space between it and the first word. Consider removing the quotations from the response button. The response button by default is the player's response.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a start location for the first custom map. Consider adding the sector block to ensure the player can find it more easily. I noted no spelling or errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt
MAPS:
Dera II: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
- Your starting quotation in most of the response buttons appears to have a space between it and the first word. Consider removing the quotations from the response button. The response button by default is the player's response.
Deck 5: Section 21 Alpha: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-I understand what you did by trapping the BOFFs at the beginning of the map. Be careful doing this because you could trap the player as well. Consider moving the spawn point to allow the BOFFs and player to appear on the map. Then give direction to the player to have the player use the rally point for the BOFFs.
-Your starting quotation in most of the response buttons appears to have a space between it and the first word. Consider removing the quotations from the response button. The response button by default is the player's response.
- I liked the transporter effect, but consider lowering the transporter overhead to be closer to the transporter column effect.
Dera System: This is a great map design with some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Your starting quotation in most of the response buttons appears to have a space between it and the first word. Consider removing the quotations from the response button. The response button by default is the player's response.
-The "Weather Starstreaks North South" seems to be bugged with the streaks going both directions at regular impulse. Consider changing your map orientation to a westerly orientation and using "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect. It looks more like warp space than the other. The only potential issue is the return trip to Dera II.
The Settlement: This is a great map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Your starting quotation in most of the response buttons appears to have a space between it and the first word. Consider removing the quotations from the response button. The response button by default is the player's response.
-The Governor Avrak dialogue; consider changing "Now im sure you have questions" to read "Now I'm sure you have questions"
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission. I enjoyed it and look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
It occurs to me that I may have been a little harsh in my previous response to you. I apologize for that. Let me clarify my points a little more.
First of all, in my opinion, writing a Klingon mission has got to be one of the hardest tasks an author can undertake. This can be especially true if it is your first time creating a mission in the Foundry. Finding the balance between tough combat, mission oriented tasks, and story dialogue is not an easy task. There are several great Klingon missions out there that demonstrate the true heart of the Klingon. Thoughtful, yet able to fight against impossible odds, sure in the knowledge of victory, or they will die trying. My take on the Klingon warrior, especially one who rises to command a starship, is they are tough, understand tactics, and would never charge blindly into battle. They would understand the need for tactics and always fight honorably. In the Klingon heart only a coward would fight otherwise.
My second point, is deciding how you want the story to end. Even if the story is one in a series or story arc you must decide what the goal or end point of the particular mission is. Of course when you are writing a single mission in a series you need to know how you plan to end series. Otherwise the story will not blend together and make sense to the player. If you know how you want a particular story to end then you can figure out how to write the dialogue, design the maps and interactions, which includes battles, to get the story to that point. I tend to write the story with the assumption that a players character would not be in command of a starship if they were stupid. This draws the player into the story and makes them feel a part of what is happening.
I wrote a paper titled "Evil70th - Best Practices" located on page 5 of this forum post. It covers several points that, in my opinion, help make a mission work. Remember, every author here started out learning how to use the Foundry. Use the resources that are available to you here on the forums and at Starbase UGC. Most authors are happy to help you with ideas and tutorials that will help you make even better missions.
Good luck, and thanks for authoring,
Brian
Anyway, I have gone back in and reworked the mission. I completely redid the Research Outpost portion as well as added bits to the N'Ett'A and Battle! portions. I look forward to seeing what you have to say about this version.
Mission Name: By Any Means
Author: SupremeLegate
Minimum Level: 46+
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HCEDLOVSV
Estimated Mission Length: Unknown (Not long)
Author - Bluedarky
Minimum Level - Any
Allegiance - Federation
Project ID - ST-HQN0569L5
Estimated run time - 20-30 mins.
Hi zaynar,
I will try to re-review your mission this weekend and post the review here when done.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Hi bluedarky,
You are 2nd in the queue behind zaynar. I hope to get to the mission queue this weekend.
Thanks for authoring,
Turp
Klingon Mission - By Any Means
Author: SupremeLegate
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HCEDLOVSV
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission for your first time using the Foundry. The map designs are good and the battles are tough but glorious. The story dialogue is well written. I would recommend this mission to other Klingon players.
Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant and follow on dialogue are well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: You should add the start location of the first custom map to include the sector.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
N'Ett'A: This is a good map design with a glorious battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding triggered dialogue that happens after a couple of the satellites at random. It would make it a little more interesting rather than just flying from satellite to satellite.
Research Outpost: This is a good map design with several tough, but glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The post "Access Files" dialogue; consider changing "We can't letany of them escape" to read "We can't let any of them escape".
Battle!: This is a good map design with tough but glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job reworking this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Federation Mission - Return to Armageddon
Author: Bluedarky
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HQN0569L5
Report Start
Summary: It is a nice, mostly combat oriented mission, with good map designs, several tough battles, and well written story dialogue to move the mission forward. It is a good follow-on story to a TOS mission. I would recommend this mission to anyone who likes a mostly combat oriented mission, with tough battles, and well written story dialogue. Although I would not recommend it on Elite level due to the tough nature of the battles.
I noted the use of the response button "Continue" quite a lot in the mission. Even though this is a personal preference I feel it is something for you to consider. The use of "Continue" can be appropriate in conjunction with some dialog but many others it seems awkward. On several of them the Captain should always respond to a report or other information given to them in the dialog. You can also use this as a stepping stone to the next dialog.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location of the first custom map to include the sector.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Earth Spacedock (Cryptic Map): The meeting with Linnea to be told to go to K-7 space station seems unnecessary to the mission. Consider moving it to be follow-on dialogue for the Grant Mission Dialogue.
Eminiar System - Vendikar Orbit: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue". I will note the maps this appears on and discuss it in the summary above.
Eminiar System - Eminiar Trading Station:This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
The initial dialogue; consider changing "escort you to a disintigration chamber" to read "escort you to a disintegration chamber".
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing "More ships on an intercept course captain" to read "More ships on an intercept course Captain".
Eminiar Trading Station: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Check your enemy mobs. A couple of them are showing up as "Orion Enforcer".
Eminiar System - Vendikar Return: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "Open Communications" to read "Open communications".
-Consider changing "you will come with us to be disintigrated" to read "you will come with us to be disintegrated".
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "We can beam down on your orders Captain" to read "We can beam down your order Captain".
Vendikar: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding some initial dialogue from a BOFF directing the player to reach the Ambassador. They can also warn of several enemies between them and the Ambassador.
-Consider adding additional re-spawn points deeper in the map
-The post "Reach the Ambassador" dialogue; consider changing "have to report for disintigration" to read "have to report for disintegration".
-The use of the response button "Continue".
Medical Bay: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Ambassador is facing backwards on the medical bed.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 02/16/2013 on forum posting for: Return to Armageddon
Name: Mirror Invasion: Friend or Foe?
Author: @gamerboy100
ID: ST-HJIY47V0Z
Language: English
Level: 31+
Faction: Starfleet
Estimated time: around 20 minutes.
Hey gameboy,
Thanks for the review request. I hope I can help and I will keep in mind the immersion factor you are going for.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Mission name - Star Trek: Allegiance Part 3
Author - chicochavez
Minimum Level - 31+
Allegiance - Federation
Project ID - ST-HQYXPHSIE
Estimated run time - Under 1 hour.
Also curious, have you been keeping track at all with the dilithium you've been getting from the new system? Had some fleet mates just start my series and they were picking up 1440 from the first two but a bit less from this one. I'm thinking 1440 might be the max for one hour of play, but curious to know if anyone else has seen something different. Figured you play so many missions you might have noticed a pattern by now.
Cheers.
Hi chicochavez,
Thanks for the review request. I will try to get to this before the weekend ends but I may not get to it until next week.
I have not been paying attention to the dilithium coming in for my reviews. I use my Vice Admiral character to do most of the reviews and the "Investigate" daily has not been available. I do not know if that is by design or just the option has been removed. Anyway I do not do the reviews for the dilithium. I do it to try and help authors, which makes the game player better.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - Mirror Invasion: Friend or Foe?
Author: gamerboy100
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJIY47V0Z
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with excellent map designs, fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I would recommend this mission to all players. Your estimate of 20 minutes mission length is more like 45 minutes to an hour with the dialogue, which is not bad with a good story like yours, but you should consider putting in the option to skip dialogue and provide a summary to the player. I have seen this in other missions and used it myself.
In an immersive story the use of the response button "Continue" takes the player along as a passenger vice a participant. Consider drawing the player into the mission by adding more interaction from the player. Realizing that the Foundry is limited in what you can do to have the player more active in conversations, the use of [OOC] dialogue within that conversation gives the author that tool. I have seen it used in other missions and have used it myself. I have used the following;
[OOC][Rank] LastName]:
Story dialogue here.[/OOC]
You can also have additional dialogue after the [OOC] if needed and finish the player response in the response button.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is an intriguing and well written description. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Terrans do for the federation" to read "Terrans do for the Federation".
-Consider changing the "Note" section to [OOC] to make it stand out.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The task consider changing "Rendevous with U.S.S. Dirac" to read "Rendezvous with U.S.S. Dirac".
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location to the initial task to include the sector.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Rhi System: This is a nice simple, but short map with well written dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "IThe Dirac is hailing us sir" to read "The Dirac is hailing us sir".
Dirac Bridge: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue". I will note the maps this appears on and discuss it in the summary above.
Terran Hostiles: This is a good map design with a fun battle. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Edge of Rhi System: This is a good map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
Starbase 93: This is a nicely designed map but maybe a little short and I am not sure if it is needed. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
Starbase 93 conference level: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The "Check out lounge" task seems unnecessary. I understand the purpose of this is to get the player out of the other room while you change it up, however the player does not seem to serve a purpose in the conversation that takes place. I'll cover this in the summary above, regarding use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider moving the trigger that has Tormek beam in. Also consider moving Tormek?s position so that the player walks right in where you currently have Tormek.
Rhi Rumble: This is a good map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Following the "Hold back ships" consider changing the "Interact" button to read "Report" or something along those lines.
Lexington Ready Room: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Hmm, seems you've missed the whole "Foundry War" thing that's been going on for the past month. You're probably better off. At this point the IOR has been removed, now all missions that meet the basic qualifications as before will give out Dilithium based on their length, though its still up to debate whether it is average time for the mission or the players specific time.
It was only in the last week, chico. Anyway, the synopsis of the whole "foundry war" debacle that chico mentioned is that the Investigate Officer Reports wrapper has been removed in the latest patch. I think this removal has upset a lot more people than the whole dilithium removal. because of the fact that they were playing the foundry just for the marks. The dilithium is still there, just as an automatic reward as chico has said.
I'll read your feedback a bit later. Thanks for doing it by the way!