Opening Thoughts:
-not much, really. I do like the summary, it's very intriguing.
Map 1: Koolhaas System Rendevous
-oh no, what are they arguing about?
-one of my boffs seems to have spawned in the floor. It's ok, though, he fixed himself.
-ha, love the dialogue between the first two.
-Captain Velid is very striking in appearance. I love it; I have a feeling I'll remember him.
-Shepard?
-oooh, "our people do not discuss that with outsiders."
-all of the characters here are also striking. Nice job on making them all interesting without having to use much dialogue!
-not really sure how I feel about the placement of the map but that's really an author decision, aesthetically speaking.
Map 2: Neutral Zone
-interesting color choices, green and orange. (assumed it's a custom map because I don't recognize it.) I like it.
-did I just see something warp out? :O Cool.
Map 3: IKS Atrox
-The mission name here is great.
- I would probably change the name Atrox to something else, though... This is mostly a personal nitpick thing but all it did was confuse me; the IKS and Atrox made me wonder whether it was Federation (Atrox) or Klingon (IKS), and the Ferasan security teams didn't help; only when I talked to K'Tan was I sure it was a Klingon vessel. This doesn't, however, affect the overall play of the map.
-some of the sealed-off rooms look really awesome.
Map 4: IKS Atrox Bridge
-nice touch with all the space debris in the background.
Map 5: Neutral Zone
-WOAH EXPLOSION
Map 6: Crash Site
-also well-done, matching the sky to the nebula background- as a bonus, the green looks great with the purple, too. I haven't seen this map used much so that's cool.
-the crash site itself is also interesting looking. That blue stands out very strongly.
-nice use of floater text.
-I sympathize on the objectives issue; I think I ran into the same problem on one of my maps...Eventually scrapped that particular objective as a result.
-Jinak's holographic guards didn't seem particularly inclined to stop me.
Map 7: Facility 991
-nothing to say, Zorbane already hit this one on the head
Map 8: Facility 991
-I am curious about Nox.
-To be continued?!
Closing Thoughts:
-I am immensely curious to part 2- I've only seen the Fek'lhri mentioned in maybe one other Fed Foundry mission off the top of my head.
-Also really enjoyed the characters in this, for what little some of them were there- I wouldn't mind seeing more of the task force, actually. Particularly...what were their names... Qalan and T'Raq, those two. But I repeat- all of the task force.
-Good story that kept me interested, and Jirak seems to be a rather...interesting... individual.
-Overall, loved it! Gave it 5/5 and look forward to a part 2.
INFINITE SHIFT
my first and currently only Foundry mission is up on the Fed side, intended for a Romulan audience.
Ok so it looks like I mixed up the order in which I personally was going to play these so I'll order them based on the list here. I'm going to PAX so won't be able to play STO for a while...hope to play one per day starting the middle of next week.
A very well written mission. The story was good, with a couple twists and kept me engaged. The BOFF dialogue seemed very...specific to a certain character, but it didn't really bother me. I was really impressed how the writing improved since the last mission I played (Long lost friend).
Some things I would have liked to see was a bit more detail in the maps. An example is the Romulan village vs the Tal Shiar base. The village had some nice details including a two story building, while the tal shiar base contained just large computer prop. Also random words were capitalized in the dialogue which was really distracting. If it isn't a pronoun or being emphasized there's no reason it should be this way.
Still I really enjoyed the story and the dialogue that accompanied with it. I gave it 5/5. I'm happy to see you(amahood) have embraced the advice people gave you after playing your first missions, even though it (understandably) upset you at first.
Specifics:
Like how you used the New Romulus map
Map - Unknown cave
Amahood appearance gave me a chuckle
Tied up Tal Shiar were pretty far from the tal shiar computer, I had expected them to be in teh room not the previous corridor
Nice trickery
Map - Looking for a way out
Queen spider got stuck on the other side of the webs
Map - The Surface
Nice Village and "main" building
I missed the "get to the ramp" objective, I walked around the reach marker. Is there even a use for it?
The objective was "Defend yourself" against the security yet I could have avoided them. Felt a bit awkward to me
I just published my first Foundry Mission. It's a KDF misson called "The Freebooter's Gambit".
It's a short run, nothing fancy, just something I put together while I've been learning the foundry system. But I feel like it came out well, actually.
Anyway I would love some feedback. I'm working on a lengthier mission atm.
I just published my first Foundry Mission. It's a KDF misson called "The Freebooter's Gambit".
It's a short run, nothing fancy, just something I put together while I've been learning the foundry system. But I feel like it came out well, actually.
Anyway I would love some feedback. I'm working on a lengthier mission atm.
Hi stormcrow704 welcome to the thread!
Thanks for sharing your mission! This thread has one rule (and one rule only!)
You can post your mission(s) in this thread and do whatever you want, but I won't add it to the list nor will I play it until you've played at least one other mission on this list (or previous lists) and left feedback. If other people want to play it its up to them I still encourage it.
This is so missions will get reviewed by their peers and also so authors get to experience how other authors use the Foundry as well.
On another note I'm still extremely busy and won't be able to tackle the list until some time next week where I should be back to my one mission per day average
On another note I'm still extremely busy and won't be able to tackle the list until some time next week where I should be back to my one mission per day average
One rule to rule them all. Got it. I'll get reviewing.
Lots to do on the Cerberus bridge. Some spelling errors (Energise?) But I like the idea of going to another ships bridge to start a mission. Maybe a little more mission content here instead of optional content. I usually like to have a fight or solve a puzzle on every map i visit.
Map 1 - Neutral Zone. It's quiet here. No space sounds? Crossing the Sea of Steel - great name. I like how the carrier was hidden in the debris field.
Map 2 - IKS Atrox. He Who Rides a Tiger is Afraid to Dismount. Again, great name. Not sure if the great hall is the right choice for this map. Good difficulty balance on this map. Not to hard. Not to soft. Also pretty good lead for the player to get to the goal. I hate wandering around no idea where I need to go or worse having to backtrack.
Map 3 - Atrox Bridge. Love the boss fight. Love the bridge.
Map 4 - Back is space. Wait I have to beam down to the planet? :mad: I like space battles.
Map 5 - Crash Site. Cool map. A good setting here. This was a fun map. I like the tricks with the holograms and then the final meeting with jinak. Was a nice twist from your standard boss fight.
Map 6 - Space. Nothing to fight. How did I get here? I don't no if going from one planet to another system without at least having to warp out is the best transition. Have that meeting with the Cerberus in the neutral zone and then go to warp.
Map 7 - Facility 991- Lots of running. Some dialogue. Again not alot to do.
A good mission with some great writing. I rated 4 out of 5 for good karma and because I'm sure there are plenty of trolls out there one staring people. Needs more space content. Better transitions and wrap it up quicker after you track down jinak. the last 2 maps felt unnecessary.
Project: The Freebooter's Gambit Author's Handle:@bigdogofbrie Level: Any Mission ID: ST-HC654XVHC Allegiance:Klingon Running Time: 15-20 minutes
OVERVIEW:
This was a fun little mission overall with a nice surprise at the end. The start point is in space outside the Donatu System, so there's no need to beam down anywhere to initiate the mission.
This is a dialog-based mission, but there isn't a lot of dialog -- just enough to move the story forward and get to the final punchline. Your character has a sassy attitude, which works for the mission and there's a good smuggler's ambiance in both the dialog and the setting.
I gave it three stars on completion because it is a bit of a fluff mission and there's quite a bit of work that still needs to be put in to give it a finished feel. But I did enjoy it. With some clean-up, it would rate four stars. It's definitely worth playing through, if only for the payout at the end.
And now the blow-by-blow analysis. Note that this was written as I was playing the mission, so it's a bit like that guy in the row behind you at the movies who's talking about the movie while it is playing.
Project Description:
Interesting description. I'm a bit drawn in already. No spelling issues, but the semicolon in the final paragraph should be a period. Reserve semicolons for lists.
Many authors use the [MissionInfo] tag in this section. You cover the start information in the text, but many people look for the green text when they are browsing for a mission -- hoping to find something close to where they already are. No green text/[MissionInfo] is a chance to get skipped over.
Also, remember that this description is repeated in the player's mission list where, again, they will expect to find green text. Try to mimic the style of the Cryptic mission descriptions where possible.
I know that there's no nice little floating dialog offering to put the [MissionInfo] and [OOC] tags in for you, but they still work in the project description.
Mission Grant:
Clear. This sounds like it will be fun.
Spelling/Grammar issues:
"Ete Eridani" should be "Eta Eridani" in the Mission Info.
Nimrod System:
Cool looking map. I like how the material from the broken planet looks like it's being pulled by the gravity well of the whole planet. I also really like the band of yellow nebular clouds -- it makes it feel very private, like a pirate's cove.
It's nice seeing a mission with Faresans as characters and not just as background.
Cardassians tend to talk a lot before engaging in battle. A little pre-battle banter with the Gul commanding the attack force would be a nice touch to add here.
I'd like to see the first Cardassian ship spawn closer. It was about 25km from me after the dialog. Try to make it so the player is in battle as soon as possible without the spawned ship being on top of them. I like to put about 10-15km distance from where the player should be. The same goes for the follow-on spawn. Remember, objective spawns aren't on the map until the prior objective is complete, so they won't be piling up on the player if you place the later spawns fairly close to the earlier ones.
Ignoring the spelling issues listed below, I like the flow and flavor of the dialog.
Oops... there's a "Continue" where I think you meant to have player dialog. The next screen starts out with the Station Chief saying "Sure does." in response to a "Continue".
The map transition dialog uses the default "Go to next map". You should consider improving on that.
Spelling/Grammar issues:
"Standbye." should be "Stand by."
"All crew battle stations" should be "All crew to battle stations."
"Any one alive..." should be "Is anyone alive..." You can drop the "Is" for colloquial flavor, but "any" and "one" need to be conjoined in this context.
"...had a run in..." should be "...had a run-in..."
Capitalize the initial ell in "looks like they managed to beam..."
"...destroyed there ships." should be "...destroyed their ships."
The sentence that starts "If you clear these raiders..." needs a lot of work. I would suggest something like: "If you can clear out these raiders before my crew blows up the station in the process of defending it, I'll pay you a bonus in addition to whatever Vaash is paying you for the delivery."
Megar Station
The goal "Reach Station Chief" and sub-goal "Station Chief" doesn't really work. You need to think in terms of "What does the player need to do by the end of this map?" and "What is the player's current objective?" In this case, you are basically running through the map blowing Cardassians away until you reach a welded-shut door. So I would suggest having a goal of "Get to the Operations Level" and a sub-goal of "Work your way through the Cardassian raiders". This gives the player a good sense of what needs to be done on the level without giving anything away.
The steam coming out of the vents in the first room is nice. Simple decorations work well there.
We get to see the Station's crew in battle if we run fast, otherwise they are gone. Consider using a Reach Marker to spawn the two groups once the away team has gotten oriented and closer to the hallway.
I really like the bar area. The music works well in there. I'm surprised there isn't an opportunity to fight in this room. Again, triggering spawns with a reach marker would be good so you stumble into a battle in progress.
The battles seem to get more difficult as you progress through the first map. Good!
Again, "Go to next map" -- which is now being said by the BOFF as well -- takes me out of the story. Some minor dialog like "I'm ready to initiate the point-to-point transfer, [RANK]." with a response of "Go ahead!" would be much better.
Spelling/Grammar issues:
None that I noticed!
Megar Station#2
You should consider renaming this map to something more relatable. For example "Megar Station - Operations Level".
Again we have the same goal and sub-goal "Reach Station Chief"... In this case, the sub-goal is correct -- we actually meet the Chief for that objective. The main goal should be something else, though, like "Try to complete your delivery". This is nice, because it expresses what the player's character is trying to accomplish in this segment, and hints to the player that things might go wrong.
Corridor battles here are less difficult than on the first Megar Station map. Considering that this is the last ground battle map, I would expect the battles here to be more difficult. Also, when you consider that the two ground maps are mainly run-and-gun with little dialog, you need to give the player some satisfaction for having to wait through the three lengthy map transitions that seem to happen one right after the other.
I totally missed the battle in the side room on this map. By the time I got there, it was over and I just saw the station crew standing around. Use a Reach Marker to delay spawning these two groups until the player is closer to the room.
The big room in the middle has a decent battle, but I would again use triggered spawns. Double up the number of enemies and add a group of friendlies. Just finding the enemies standing waiting for me across the room was disappointing.
"Go to Next Map?" - "Go to Next Map" -- 'nuff said.
Spelling/Grammar issues:
This isn't really wrong, but I think it would be better if you said "That's the nice thing about disintegrators..." instead of "That's the nice thing about disintegrations..."
"...to be rude but..." should have a comma: "...to be rude, but..."
Nimrod System#2
Again, the map name can be improved upon. I would call this one "Nimrod System - Delivery"
PERFECT spawn of the Cardassian ship as you enter the map. Right at 9.75km. I was able to start shooting at him immediately.
Again, though, I miss chatting with the Gul. Just firing without warning is not typical of Cardassian culture. You want to have them say something cultured and then have your character snap back something witty before firing the first salvo in his smarmy face.
I love the sassy response to the impatient Station Chief -- and everything that follows.
But it does bring up another question: WHY ARE THE CARDASSIANS ATTACKING?!?!? Certainly not because of your cargo. I would say something in the dialogues on the first Nimrod System map that explains this. For example, when the Station Chief complains about the raids and how they are getting worse, he could say something about how the True Way has claimed the Nimrod System and has been trying to push him out of it ever since. Without that, the player thinks that the cargo is the problem, which it obviously isn't. Giving another reason for the Cardassians being there and fighting so hard will keep the story from falling flat.
Spelling/Grammar issues:
"If you are quite finished I am..." should be "If you are quite finished, I am..."
"Enjoy your *SPOILER* Chief." should be "Enjoy your *SPOILER*, Chief."
EDIT: I just noticed that you are using the "Argelius II" map template for the indoor scenes. It was driving me crazy trying to figure out how you got music in the bar until I figured that out.
Mission Name: The Sins of the Fathers Author's Handle:@donperk Level: 16+ Mission ID: ST-HHAYT6KPV Allegiance:Klingon Running Time: ~120 minutes.
This is a very story-heavy and lore heavy mission. If you read everything, it will run you two hours. A lot of the lore and color can be skipped, as can a couple of the battles, so subsequent run throughs can be significantly shorter.
This mission has a strong sense of humor, but the story is very serious, speaking to personal tragedies and unique points of view. Your character, while definitely KDF-aligned, was probably not raised as a Klingon. :rolleyes: The text intentionally avoids revealing the sex of the player character, but there are female romantic interests in the side plot, so female player characters, at least for this story, are open to female romantic partners. (I developed the story using a female toon as a way to remind me to keep from making statements that would force the main character's sex to be male or female.)
Anyway, this is my first Foundry effort, so have at it and enjoy!
don't forget to check out stoutes and evil70ths threads (although evil70ths is super backlogged)
Once again I won't be able to play for a few more days.
I'm already plugged into evil70th's backlog. I'll check out stoutes' thread.
Since you are busy, let me know if there's a mission you'd like me to pull in and review. I will have some time tonight -- and as you have seen above, I take a lot of care in doing the review.
I'm already plugged into evil70th's backlog. I'll check out stoutes' thread.
Since you are busy, let me know if there's a mission you'd like me to pull in and review. I will have some time tonight -- and as you have seen above, I take a lot of care in doing the review.
If you're looking for missions just pick any from the list on the first page, thanks!
I'm already plugged into evil70th's backlog. I'll check out stoutes' thread.
Since you are busy, let me know if there's a mission you'd like me to pull in and review. I will have some time tonight -- and as you have seen above, I take a lot of care in doing the review.
Great review you did there! Will add your mission as well onto my list!
That's quite the paradox, how could you nerf nerf when the nerf is nerfed. But how would the nerf be nerfed when the nerf is nerfed? This allows the nerf not to be nerfed since the nerf is nerfed? But if the nerf isn't nerfed, it could still nerf nerfs. But as soon as the nerf is nerfed, the nerf power is lost. So paradoxally it the nerf nerf lost its nerf, while it's still nerfed, which cannot be because the nerf was unable to nerf.
Thanks donperk! I really appreciate your feedback!
Lots of great notes for me to work on. I have done some mods in other games and I kind of stumbled into the foundry last week. I'm a huge trek fan and I've played STO since launch so this is a good fit for me. My goal for this mission was to get something out there. I wanted quick, I wanted fun and I wanted something I could build on as I get more experience with the foundry.
Spelling is an issue. It effects the polish and the immersion and my grammar and punctuation skills are definitely lacking. A carry over from a misspent youth. I'm working on it. I get your note about naming the maps differently. And working on those battle spawns so the player gets to see the spawns fighting. I'm still learning about triggers.
Isn't that Argelius II map great? I was looking for something that fit mercenary/smuggler backwater station and it was like found money. The bar I plan on improving. My plan is to have this mission serve as the prolog the the three missions I have planed for my KDF "trilogy". I plan on populating the bar with props and patrons that will hint at what is to come.
As far as the Cardassians go - its definately a good note - I may have to rethink my bad guys in this one. I barely ever read dialogue in missions - click click click - so my bad guys are never going to be all that chatty. But I need more notes on lore like that.
I'm glad you enjoyed the twist at the end. Once I had worked that out I knew this one was worth publishing.
Thanks again. This type of feedback is very motivating.
Spelling is an issue. It effects the polish and the immersion and my grammar and punctuation skills are definitely lacking. A carry over from a misspent youth. I'm working on it. I get your note about naming the maps differently.
You'll note that my treatment of spelling and grammar issues is (mostly) separate from the rest of the review. It's one of those things that needs to be nitpicked (and most people appreciate the nitpicking) but shouldn't be used as a hammer to beat a Foundry author up with. So I figure just a list of issues listed after the map comments -- expecting it to be inevitable -- is the way to go.
And working on those battle spawns so the player gets to see the spawns fighting. I'm still learning about triggers.
The triggers aren't hard to figure out, but there are some great tutorials out there if you aren't quite getting it -- especially from the StarbaseUGC guys. Note that many of them are out of date, but they convey the concepts.
Isn't that Argelius II map great? I was looking for something that fit mercenary/smuggler backwater station and it was like found money.
Yeah, that map threw me for a loop. There's a lounge in "The Sins of the Fathers" that I built by hand and there's no appropriate bar music. The Argelius II bar is a great start. It doesn't take much to make that bar scene look alive. But the music was killing me! I started running through all the sounds you could attach to objects -- even ones that didn't make sense -- trying to find that music to update my map. I finally thought "okay, what map is he using" and after I loaded it I had that "D'oh!" moment.
I'm glad you enjoyed the twist at the end. Once I had worked that out I knew this one was worth publishing.
As someone who has quart jars of that particular herb to satisfy the needs of the five other denizens of my house, it was laugh-out-loud funny. (LOL! Now people are REALLY gonna wonder what the payoff is in your mission.)
Mission Name: Perfection, Part 1 Author's Handle:@Ashkrik23 Level: 41+ (Borg) Mission ID: ST-HD655WMRJ Allegiance:Federation Running Time: Too long. (DNF after seven hours.)
OVERVIEW:
This is a strong Borg story that spans from the Gamma Quadrant to Earth Space Dock. Unfortunately, after seven hours of play (and doing this write-up as I went along) I hit a bug that stopped the story from progressing. So I really can't rate the story having not completed it.
I do have a lot of notes, though, so I'll share what I was able to get out of this.
Note that I was playing on "*Update 12* 9/13/13" It's possible that the issue I was having has been fixed by the time you read this.
I would note that this would be a satisfying story with a decent cliffhanger if it ended before moving to Earth Orbit. It would also have a running time of 2-4 hours at that point.
Okay, so here are my impressions as I played through the mission:
PROJECT DESCRIPTION:
Description is compelling and does a good job of setting the time period for the mission.
You are missing a [MissionInfo], which is not a requirement since the information is in the text, but it's considered good style to include one. You could just take the last sentence of the description and enclose it in [MissionInfo] tags to satisfy the style requirement -- it's certainly worded in the normal style.
The reminder in the [OOC] section to bring a remodulator is good.
"...and his fleet,You.." should be "...and his fleet, you..." (Capitalization and spacing issues.)
"...during the subspace communication." If you are hard up for space, this is superfluous.
"9/13/13" This format is confusing to non-U.S. players. Consider changing to a format that is culture-neutral for English speakers, such as "13-SEP-2013".
"Takes place after the Borg Queen's defeat." Redundant. You've already stated this in the mission text.
GRANT DIALOG:
Very succinct in-context dialog. You've realized that it's not necessary to repeat the Project Description.
I would recommend that you separate the directions to Kessik from the note to your fleet-mates and the notation that this is something of a grinder by enclosing the latter two in [OOC] tags. It's important to keep the meaning of green text restricted to instructions to the player.
Prefer "[RANK]" over "sir". It's not a hard and fast rule, but it is friendlier to female captains.
"I recommend we engage..." is more natural dialogue than "Recommend we engage..."
MAP TRANSITION TO KESSIK FROM CRYPTIC SOCIAL ZONE:
Well done. I like the fact that the BOFF asks for your permission to enter.
The only thing odd here is that my Ship Science officer made the request. This should probably be your Ship Tactical officer, who would be in charge of helm control.
The Mission Objective is clear. You might want to change "...Kessik..." to "...Kessik in the Gamma Orionus Sector..." so those of us with short memories don't have to pull up the mission window to see where to go.
The initial vista with all the friendly ships wandering around the warp gate is a bit of a thrill. Some of the ship names lead me to believe you are an anime/manga fan.
Initial mission objectives are very clear.
It's unfortunate that we only load this map for the initial view. (The player doesn't actually do anything on this map.) But it seems like it may be a necessary mechanic.
In the map transition dialog, the prompt "Engage transporter." doesn't make sense as a command to your BOFF since the Lion's Pride is initiating the transport. A better prompt would be "Inform them that I'm ready." or something similar.
"The U.S.S Lion's Pride is..." should be "The U.S.S. Lion's Pride is..." (missing period)
"...and they are ready to beam you over [RANK]" should be "...and they are ready to beam you over, [RANK]" (missing comma)
MAP: U.S.S. LION'S PRIDE BRIDGE
I like the Caitian security officers standing watch at the all the bridge exits, including the transporter. Nice touch. (M'Row brought a smile to my face.)
Ooo... a Liberated Borg Caitian! Nice!
No officers at the bridge stations? That feels wrong for a ship on duty.
(Dialog with M'Sarabi) Robotic animation is probably a poor choice for any non-android being. It was distracting from the text for me. Military would seem more appropriate here since the bridge feels very controlled and official.
Branching prior to the exposition about the Omega Molecule is good.
Except for a lapse in formality (see below) this is a very good briefing. I like it.
Ew... as much as I love your bridge scene, all we did was receive a briefing and now there's another map transition. As a player, this gets a bit annoying. When do I get to do more than one thing on a map?
"...use this chance to swipe up the molecules..." sounds out of place in such a formal briefing. Prefer "collect" over "swipe up".
You've got a comma where you intended a period at "...and contain them, Scanners detected..."
MAP: KESSIK ORBIT, DEPARTURE TO THE DELTA QUADRANT
So we are back in Kessik and the only task we have is to... wait for it... perform a map transition!
I would recommend compressing "KESSIK ORBIT", "U.S.S. LION'S PRIDE BRIDGE" and "KESSIK ORBIT, DEPARTURE TO THE DELTA QUADRANT" all into a single map and let the briefing be conducted as a hail. Beaming over for a briefing such as this would probably not happen in real life and seems unnecessary here. Even with the high security around the Omega Molecule, an encrypted link would be preferable to beaming over for a terse briefing.
The Lion's Pride bridge is gorgeous -- and I love the security details. But it's entirely superfluous and gets in the way of the story telling and burns a lot of time in unnecessary map transitions.
And from a player perspective, it's annoying. Don't annoy your players.
Entry into the map through the warp gate was a nice visual.
Very dark, ominous setting. It sets the tone well.
The four exploded Borg cubes, even though you've rotated them, look rather cookie cutter. I would add some more debris around each one to get rid of the "copy and paste" effect.
The Borg cube/sphere battles, as expected, were tough. I went in too fast and paid for it -- a couple of times. And I didn't have a co-variant shield equipped. But it was good. The spacing of the enemies is tight, requiring you to think about how to approach the battle.
Good map transition dialog... but boy, we've been running through a lot of maps so far.
"...proceed quickly [RANK]." should be "...proceed quickly, [RANK]." (missing comma)
"Scanners aren't picking up anymore additional contacts sir." Multiple problems here. (awkward phrasing; "anymore" is not a word; missing comma) Consider revising to "Scanners aren't showing any additional contacts, [RANK]."
"They shouldn't even be able to properly think..." This is very awkward, partially because it is passively voiced. Consider revising it. Perhaps "Their minds shouldn't function..." Also, I'd remove the word "such" later in the same sentence -- it's not needed.
MAP: BORG TACTICAL CUBE SECTION #214
M'Sarabi's instructions are very military. Good stuff.
First impression of the environment: spooky... noisy! (in a good way.) You can tell things are not well with the cube. The Borg patrol up ahead wandering around at high speed is intimidating.
SURPRISE ATTACK! Man that's a lot of Borg!
The "Continue"s in response to M'Sarabi seem a bit off to me. A curt "Yes, ma'am"/"Yes, sir" or "Acknowledged" seems more appropriate than the default prompt.
Another tough, but fun fight as you turn down the left corridor. 1 of 3 adapted to my weapon frequency four times!
Assimilation chamber fights were well-paced. The bodies on the ground are sad and ominous.
Dialog with the survivor is poignant. I'd like to see him a bit more beat up, though. Perhaps you could use a scar pattern in crimson across his face to indicate fresh wounds.
Nice little patrol battle as you change corridors during the "Reach the data node center" objective.
Ugh... Dealing with TWO oversized Borg at the same time was a bit much. My team couldn't handle it. I lost the whole team four times trying to take them and their minions down.
(M'Sarabi's opening dialog) "...room up ahead, go straight..." Substitute a double hypen (long dash) for the comma or start a new sentence. E.g.: "...room up ahead -- go straight..."
(M'Sarabi's second dialog) "...a lot of power build-up in the Cube's central core." Don't capitalize "cube" in this case.
"...quiet trip now [RANK]." Missing comma after "now".
"Rendezvous with the other away teams quickly." "quickly" seems odd here. I'd recommend changing it to "as soon as possible."
("Allies Lost" dialog) "They've were killed..." should be "They were killed..."
("A warning" dialog) Put an extra carriage return between "...Alpha Quadrant." and "There's a room..."
("An ally lost" dialog) Here's another good place to use a long dash (two hypens) rather than a comma. "Vital signs just dropped, sir -- he's gone." Also, the comma is missing after "dropped" in the original text.
Change the comma in the prompt to a colon in the prompt so it reads "Yes there is: beam him back to the ship."
"...without the collective being together unless..." Three issues here: "Collective" should be capitalized; a comma should preceed "unless"; and this sounds awkward, possibly due to passive voicing. You might try this instead: "...with the Collective in disarray... unless..."
"There could be no other cause.. The Borg..." Delete one of those periods.
"If they get this to the whole collective..." is probably better as "If they distribute this to the whole Collective..."
"Did you learn of where the Molecule was last located at?" can be simplified to be less awkward: "Have you learned the Molecule's last known location?" or "Did you learn where the Molecule was last located?"
(A new objective) "molecule" should be capitalized for consistency.
"...beam our fallen up." You should prefer "...beam up our fallen."
"I will make sure their families can give them a proper burial for closure." This is kind of an odd thing to say, though the sentiment rings true. Something more "captainy" to say would be "I'll make sure the remains are returned to the families." Maybe even add something like "They were all heroes of the Federation -- and they will be treated as such." Something like that -- you get the idea.
(Path to the data node center dialog) "I've found the data node center location." This works better if you change "center" into a possessive. "I've found the data node center's location." Or, possibly better, "I've located the data node center."
"...second left in the first hallway that we beamed in." This can be made less awkward with "...second left in the hallway we arrived in."
"I'm detecting many patrols..." Prefer "several" to "many" here.
(The gateway location discovered dialog) Please add a comma between "Coordinates" and "[RANK]".
"The Borg are stronger than any..." Consider "The Borg there" or "These Borg" instead of "The Borg".
MAP: BORG TACTICAL CUBE SECTION #777
With the warning at the end of the last map... I'm scared!
Nice environmental effects with the green smoke.
Good, tough battles with the first group and the group that beams in after them.
Very nice series of battles during the "Access Omega Molecule data node" objective. Well paced. Had room to breathe if I wanted it and to clear inventory. Decent blue-level drops on several of these.
Found one unnamed "Drone" in the north-western-most room. I think this is the first Borg I've seen in here without a name.
The closer I get to the data node center, the spookier this map gets.
I like the surprise guest's speech.
WHAT THE HECK?!?!?!?! Borg in front of me... Borg behind me. We're dead.
That was a HUGE ambush. There were a few unnamed "Drone"s in this batch, too.
Oh... nice surprise there. I won't spoil it -- but I know what Part 2 will be about now!
In the "Space Ambush" dialog, the BOFF refers to "Sarabi" instead of "M'Sarabi". I'm not up on Caitian culture -- is this okay or a typo?
"Your actions here were meaningless, we have obtained..." End the sentence at "meaningless" and start the new one with "We have..."
(Donatra's Ambush) "Several Borg converging..." change to "Several Borg are converging..."
MAP: UNKNOWN SYSTEM, BORG AMBUSH
Let's see... just three cubes and four spheres, plus a phalanx of probes. Ai, yi, yi! Destroyed once, but was able to pick 'em off one by one with the first cube not cluttering up the space. The battle area here is surpisingly small for a space battle with the debris creating boundaries.
Next wave is two spheres and a diamond? That's a new one for me. But I survived it with a little help from the Nimbus pirates.
The green-tinted background gas is odd for an Earth map. But it looks pretty cool. Very Borgy.
This battle felt wrong. There are allies everywhere, but none will help you. I thought I could lure the enemies into the crowd of allies, but they were just set dressing. Taking down seven Borg by myself took forever. This has stopped being fun. And there are enemies on the map that are not part of the "Save Earth" goal. They are avoidable, but if you don't scan your map first, you'll end up fighting them. Even worse, they all go away magically when you fend off the first seven with no explanation in the dialog.
I would have preferred to see an epic battle with lots of ships from both sides fighting. The "pick one off and slog" just got old. Granted, there were two or three active ships at the spawn, but they went down FAST. They weren't even a good distraction.
(Battle for Earth Space Dock) "extremly vunerable" should be "extremely vulnerable". Both words are mis-spelled.
MAP: EARTH SPACE DOCK UNDER ATTACK
Premise of rescuing officers is good.
It's nice to see people on the station fighting and surving.
The Borg stasis chambers on ESD look pretty cool. So do many of the other Borg assets.
Do we ever run out of Borg? They seem to keep respawning. I had to backtrack for a missed officer and ended up having to fight each group of Borg three times.
Lots of Drones with no name.
Ugh... there's a bug. I can't tag the last officer -- the one in Astrometrics at the center. I've been playing this mission for seven hours now and I've hit a serious bug. I'm afraid I have to drop the mission here.
Mission Name: Perfection, Part 1 Author's Handle:@Ashkrik23 Level: 41+ (Borg) Mission ID: ST-HD655WMRJ Allegiance:Federation Running Time: Too long. (DNF after seven hours.)
OVERVIEW:
This is a strong Borg story that spans from the Gamma Quadrant to Earth Space Dock. Unfortunately, after seven hours of play (and doing this write-up as I went along) I hit a bug that stopped the story from progressing. So I really can't rate the story having not completed it.
I do have a lot of notes, though, so I'll share what I was able to get out of this.
Note that I was playing on "*Update 12* 9/13/13" It's possible that the issue I was having has been fixed by the time you read this.
I would note that this would be a satisfying story with a decent cliffhanger if it ended before moving to Earth Orbit. It would also have a running time of 2-4 hours at that point.
Okay, so here are my impressions as I played through the mission:
PROJECT DESCRIPTION:
Description is compelling and does a good job of setting the time period for the mission.
You are missing a [MissionInfo], which is not a requirement since the information is in the text, but it's considered good style to include one. You could just take the last sentence of the description and enclose it in [MissionInfo] tags to satisfy the style requirement -- it's certainly worded in the normal style.
The reminder in the [OOC] section to bring a remodulator is good.
"...and his fleet,You.." should be "...and his fleet, you..." (Capitalization and spacing issues.)
"...during the subspace communication." If you are hard up for space, this is superfluous.
"9/13/13" This format is confusing to non-U.S. players. Consider changing to a format that is culture-neutral for English speakers, such as "13-SEP-2013".
"Takes place after the Borg Queen's defeat." Redundant. You've already stated this in the mission text.
GRANT DIALOG:
Very succinct in-context dialog. You've realized that it's not necessary to repeat the Project Description.
I would recommend that you separate the directions to Kessik from the note to your fleet-mates and the notation that this is something of a grinder by enclosing the latter two in [OOC] tags. It's important to keep the meaning of green text restricted to instructions to the player.
Prefer "[RANK]" over "sir". It's not a hard and fast rule, but it is friendlier to female captains.
"I recommend we engage..." is more natural dialogue than "Recommend we engage..."
MAP TRANSITION TO KESSIK FROM CRYPTIC SOCIAL ZONE:
Well done. I like the fact that the BOFF asks for your permission to enter.
The only thing odd here is that my Ship Science officer made the request. This should probably be your Ship Tactical officer, who would be in charge of helm control.
The Mission Objective is clear. You might want to change "...Kessik..." to "...Kessik in the Gamma Orionus Sector..." so those of us with short memories don't have to pull up the mission window to see where to go.
The initial vista with all the friendly ships wandering around the warp gate is a bit of a thrill. Some of the ship names lead me to believe you are an anime/manga fan.
Initial mission objectives are very clear.
It's unfortunate that we only load this map for the initial view. (The player doesn't actually do anything on this map.) But it seems like it may be a necessary mechanic.
In the map transition dialog, the prompt "Engage transporter." doesn't make sense as a command to your BOFF since the Lion's Pride is initiating the transport. A better prompt would be "Inform them that I'm ready." or something similar.
"The U.S.S Lion's Pride is..." should be "The U.S.S. Lion's Pride is..." (missing period)
"...and they are ready to beam you over [RANK]" should be "...and they are ready to beam you over, [RANK]" (missing comma)
MAP: U.S.S. LION'S PRIDE BRIDGE
I like the Caitian security officers standing watch at the all the bridge exits, including the transporter. Nice touch. (M'Row brought a smile to my face.)
Ooo... a Liberated Borg Caitian! Nice!
No officers at the bridge stations? That feels wrong for a ship on duty.
(Dialog with M'Sarabi) Robotic animation is probably a poor choice for any non-android being. It was distracting from the text for me. Military would seem more appropriate here since the bridge feels very controlled and official.
Branching prior to the exposition about the Omega Molecule is good.
Except for a lapse in formality (see below) this is a very good briefing. I like it.
Ew... as much as I love your bridge scene, all we did was receive a briefing and now there's another map transition. As a player, this gets a bit annoying. When do I get to do more than one thing on a map?
"...use this chance to swipe up the molecules..." sounds out of place in such a formal briefing. Prefer "collect" over "swipe up".
You've got a comma where you intended a period at "...and contain them, Scanners detected..."
MAP: KESSIK ORBIT, DEPARTURE TO THE DELTA QUADRANT
So we are back in Kessik and the only task we have is to... wait for it... perform a map transition!
I would recommend compressing "KESSIK ORBIT", "U.S.S. LION'S PRIDE BRIDGE" and "KESSIK ORBIT, DEPARTURE TO THE DELTA QUADRANT" all into a single map and let the briefing be conducted as a hail. Beaming over for a briefing such as this would probably not happen in real life and seems unnecessary here. Even with the high security around the Omega Molecule, an encrypted link would be preferable to beaming over for a terse briefing.
The Lion's Pride bridge is gorgeous -- and I love the security details. But it's entirely superfluous and gets in the way of the story telling and burns a lot of time in unnecessary map transitions.
And from a player perspective, it's annoying. Don't annoy your players.
Entry into the map through the warp gate was a nice visual.
Very dark, ominous setting. It sets the tone well.
The four exploded Borg cubes, even though you've rotated them, look rather cookie cutter. I would add some more debris around each one to get rid of the "copy and paste" effect.
The Borg cube/sphere battles, as expected, were tough. I went in too fast and paid for it -- a couple of times. And I didn't have a co-variant shield equipped. But it was good. The spacing of the enemies is tight, requiring you to think about how to approach the battle.
Good map transition dialog... but boy, we've been running through a lot of maps so far.
"...proceed quickly [RANK]." should be "...proceed quickly, [RANK]." (missing comma)
"Scanners aren't picking up anymore additional contacts sir." Multiple problems here. (awkward phrasing; "anymore" is not a word; missing comma) Consider revising to "Scanners aren't showing any additional contacts, [RANK]."
"They shouldn't even be able to properly think..." This is very awkward, partially because it is passively voiced. Consider revising it. Perhaps "Their minds shouldn't function..." Also, I'd remove the word "such" later in the same sentence -- it's not needed.
MAP: BORG TACTICAL CUBE SECTION #214
M'Sarabi's instructions are very military. Good stuff.
First impression of the environment: spooky... noisy! (in a good way.) You can tell things are not well with the cube. The Borg patrol up ahead wandering around at high speed is intimidating.
SURPRISE ATTACK! Man that's a lot of Borg!
The "Continue"s in response to M'Sarabi seem a bit off to me. A curt "Yes, ma'am"/"Yes, sir" or "Acknowledged" seems more appropriate than the default prompt.
Another tough, but fun fight as you turn down the left corridor. 1 of 3 adapted to my weapon frequency four times!
Assimilation chamber fights were well-paced. The bodies on the ground are sad and ominous.
Dialog with the survivor is poignant. I'd like to see him a bit more beat up, though. Perhaps you could use a scar pattern in crimson across his face to indicate fresh wounds.
Nice little patrol battle as you change corridors during the "Reach the data node center" objective.
Ugh... Dealing with TWO oversized Borg at the same time was a bit much. My team couldn't handle it. I lost the whole team four times trying to take them and their minions down.
(M'Sarabi's opening dialog) "...room up ahead, go straight..." Substitute a double hypen (long dash) for the comma or start a new sentence. E.g.: "...room up ahead -- go straight..."
(M'Sarabi's second dialog) "...a lot of power build-up in the Cube's central core." Don't capitalize "cube" in this case.
"...quiet trip now [RANK]." Missing comma after "now".
"Rendezvous with the other away teams quickly." "quickly" seems odd here. I'd recommend changing it to "as soon as possible."
("Allies Lost" dialog) "They've were killed..." should be "They were killed..."
("A warning" dialog) Put an extra carriage return between "...Alpha Quadrant." and "There's a room..."
("An ally lost" dialog) Here's another good place to use a long dash (two hypens) rather than a comma. "Vital signs just dropped, sir -- he's gone." Also, the comma is missing after "dropped" in the original text.
Change the comma in the prompt to a colon in the prompt so it reads "Yes there is: beam him back to the ship."
"...without the collective being together unless..." Three issues here: "Collective" should be capitalized; a comma should preceed "unless"; and this sounds awkward, possibly due to passive voicing. You might try this instead: "...with the Collective in disarray... unless..."
"There could be no other cause.. The Borg..." Delete one of those periods.
"If they get this to the whole collective..." is probably better as "If they distribute this to the whole Collective..."
"Did you learn of where the Molecule was last located at?" can be simplified to be less awkward: "Have you learned the Molecule's last known location?" or "Did you learn where the Molecule was last located?"
(A new objective) "molecule" should be capitalized for consistency.
"...beam our fallen up." You should prefer "...beam up our fallen."
"I will make sure their families can give them a proper burial for closure." This is kind of an odd thing to say, though the sentiment rings true. Something more "captainy" to say would be "I'll make sure the remains are returned to the families." Maybe even add something like "They were all heroes of the Federation -- and they will be treated as such." Something like that -- you get the idea.
(Path to the data node center dialog) "I've found the data node center location." This works better if you change "center" into a possessive. "I've found the data node center's location." Or, possibly better, "I've located the data node center."
"...second left in the first hallway that we beamed in." This can be made less awkward with "...second left in the hallway we arrived in."
"I'm detecting many patrols..." Prefer "several" to "many" here.
(The gateway location discovered dialog) Please add a comma between "Coordinates" and "[RANK]".
"The Borg are stronger than any..." Consider "The Borg there" or "These Borg" instead of "The Borg".
MAP: BORG TACTICAL CUBE SECTION #777
With the warning at the end of the last map... I'm scared!
Nice environmental effects with the green smoke.
Good, tough battles with the first group and the group that beams in after them.
Very nice series of battles during the "Access Omega Molecule data node" objective. Well paced. Had room to breathe if I wanted it and to clear inventory. Decent blue-level drops on several of these.
Found one unnamed "Drone" in the north-western-most room. I think this is the first Borg I've seen in here without a name.
The closer I get to the data node center, the spookier this map gets.
I like the surprise guest's speech.
WHAT THE HECK?!?!?!?! Borg in front of me... Borg behind me. We're dead.
That was a HUGE ambush. There were a few unnamed "Drone"s in this batch, too.
Oh... nice surprise there. I won't spoil it -- but I know what Part 2 will be about now!
In the "Space Ambush" dialog, the BOFF refers to "Sarabi" instead of "M'Sarabi". I'm not up on Caitian culture -- is this okay or a typo?
"Your actions here were meaningless, we have obtained..." End the sentence at "meaningless" and start the new one with "We have..."
(Donatra's Ambush) "Several Borg converging..." change to "Several Borg are converging..."
MAP: UNKNOWN SYSTEM, BORG AMBUSH
Let's see... just three cubes and four spheres, plus a phalanx of probes. Ai, yi, yi! Destroyed once, but was able to pick 'em off one by one with the first cube not cluttering up the space. The battle area here is surpisingly small for a space battle with the debris creating boundaries.
Next wave is two spheres and a diamond? That's a new one for me. But I survived it with a little help from the Nimbus pirates.
The green-tinted background gas is odd for an Earth map. But it looks pretty cool. Very Borgy.
This battle felt wrong. There are allies everywhere, but none will help you. I thought I could lure the enemies into the crowd of allies, but they were just set dressing. Taking down seven Borg by myself took forever. This has stopped being fun. And there are enemies on the map that are not part of the "Save Earth" goal. They are avoidable, but if you don't scan your map first, you'll end up fighting them. Even worse, they all go away magically when you fend off the first seven with no explanation in the dialog.
I would have preferred to see an epic battle with lots of ships from both sides fighting. The "pick one off and slog" just got old. Granted, there were two or three active ships at the spawn, but they went down FAST. They weren't even a good distraction.
(Battle for Earth Space Dock) "extremly vunerable" should be "extremely vulnerable". Both words are mis-spelled.
MAP: EARTH SPACE DOCK UNDER ATTACK
Premise of rescuing officers is good.
It's nice to see people on the station fighting and surving.
The Borg stasis chambers on ESD look pretty cool. So do many of the other Borg assets.
Do we ever run out of Borg? They seem to keep respawning. I had to backtrack for a missed officer and ended up having to fight each group of Borg three times.
Lots of Drones with no name.
Ugh... there's a bug. I can't tag the last officer -- the one in Astrometrics at the center. I've been playing this mission for seven hours now and I've hit a serious bug. I'm afraid I have to drop the mission here.
"We need your help [RANK]." Again, we need a comma before [RANK].
Thanks for the review. I think I know what messed you up. Was the officer you were trying to tag M'Sarabi? She's not one of them. That's after the last part. The officers are all at the circles on your map. How did it take 7 hours also?
Thanks for the review. I think I know what messed you up. Was the officer you were trying to tag M'Sarabi? She's not one of them. That's after the last part. The officers are all at the circles on your map. How did it take 7 hours also?
Writing a detailed review takes time, and it might be donperk isn't specced as a tac?
That's quite the paradox, how could you nerf nerf when the nerf is nerfed. But how would the nerf be nerfed when the nerf is nerfed? This allows the nerf not to be nerfed since the nerf is nerfed? But if the nerf isn't nerfed, it could still nerf nerfs. But as soon as the nerf is nerfed, the nerf power is lost. So paradoxally it the nerf nerf lost its nerf, while it's still nerfed, which cannot be because the nerf was unable to nerf.
I was figuring that it was because of the review part.
My tactical character is Klingon, so I had to use my engineer for this run. I started the mission at around 6:30pm and finally had to call it quits around 1:30am. Obviously there was a lot of writing and scrutinizing going on, but honestly, it seemed the great majority of my time was spent in battles. I've only been playing STOL since July, so I don't have the greatest equipment either for my ships or my crew. But I think that helps from a review standpoint -- I'm the voice of the noobs.
I kind of figured that I was missing an imprisoned officer, but I had three things working against me at that point:
The Borg kept re-spawning -- which I have no idea how you got that to happen -- or if you even intended it to happen;
There was only a single objective circle -- a large green one surrounding the central hub; There weren't individual objective markers, but my current objective was stuck at 3 of 4.;
I was REALLY tired.
With the Borg constantly re-spawning, I just wasn't motivated to go back a third time and look for the captured captain -- especially without an objective marker. I may have triggered something too early -- or maybe my session was bugged. I spent over two hours just on ESD -- and there wasn't much writing going on. Just a lot of fighting and re-calibrating. (I actually got into a rhythm where I could predict when I needed to re-calibrate my weapons.)
I do plan on running it again tonight. Only this time I'll skip the detailed look until I get to ESD. That should also give me a better handle on the time to run the mission.
Hi all, I just played Rose tinted mirror by thisisscience (It is on the first list)
I did not take notes so the review will be brief.
Story: The story involves an attempt to change the timeline and reveals your history in an alternate timeline. The characters are nicely developed and intelligently written. There were very few spelling errors I only noticed 2 or 3.
Maps: Mostly pre made maps used but they are beautifully dressed, giving the mission a real polished look, it does not have cramped or sloppy maps like many missions do. I really loved some innovative use of props in the mission. There is a nice custom space map of Jupiter.
The Npcs are very nice custom designs and they age or get scars as time progresses.
Tech: No bugs the mission plays flawlessly.
Combat: I am not a combat buff and found the combat dragged on a bit. I played with a level 50 char at normal difficulty and there are a lot of mobs that got a little tedious at one point. The space battles were fun though. YMMV
All in all I gave it 4/5 stars a very good first effort!
A TIME TO SEARCH: ENTER MY FOUNDRY MISSION at the RISA SYSTEM Parallels: my second mission for Fed aligned Romulans.
My tactical character is Klingon, so I had to use my engineer for this run. I started the mission at around 6:30pm and finally had to call it quits around 1:30am. Obviously there was a lot of writing and scrutinizing going on, but honestly, it seemed the great majority of my time was spent in battles. I've only been playing STOL since July, so I don't have the greatest equipment either for my ships or my crew. But I think that helps from a review standpoint -- I'm the voice of the noobs.
I kind of figured that I was missing an imprisoned officer, but I had three things working against me at that point:
The Borg kept re-spawning -- which I have no idea how you got that to happen -- or if you even intended it to happen;
There was only a single objective circle -- a large green one surrounding the central hub; There weren't individual objective markers, but my current objective was stuck at 3 of 4.;
I was REALLY tired.
With the Borg constantly re-spawning, I just wasn't motivated to go back a third time and look for the captured captain -- especially without an objective marker. I may have triggered something too early -- or maybe my session was bugged. I spent over two hours just on ESD -- and there wasn't much writing going on. Just a lot of fighting and re-calibrating. (I actually got into a rhythm where I could predict when I needed to re-calibrate my weapons.)
I do plan on running it again tonight. Only this time I'll skip the detailed look until I get to ESD. That should also give me a better handle on the time to run the mission.
Hold off on the play through for now. I'm going to do a big update to fix these issues now.
Hold off on the play through for now. I'm going to do a big update to fix these issues now.
Sounds good. I may run it just for fun tonight, though, in order to get a handle on the overall mission time using a level 50 noob build. Plus, I really want to try getting through a couple of those space battles without needing a respawn.
Hi all, I just played Rose tinted mirror by thisisscience (It is on the first list)
I did not take notes so the review will be brief.
Story: The story involves an attempt to change the timeline and reveals your history in an alternate timeline. The characters are nicely developed and intelligently written. There were very few spelling errors I only noticed 2 or 3.
Maps: Mostly pre made maps used but they are beautifully dressed, giving the mission a real polished look, it does not have cramped or sloppy maps like many missions do. I really loved some innovative use of props in the mission. There is a nice custom space map of Jupiter.
The Npcs are very nice custom designs and they age or get scars as time progresses.
Tech: No bugs the mission plays flawlessly.
Combat: I am not a combat buff and found the combat dragged on a bit. I played with a level 50 char at normal difficulty and there are a lot of mobs that got a little tedious at one point. The space battles were fun though. YMMV
All in all I gave it 4/5 stars a very good first effort!
Sounds good. I like the idea of having characters age. You've just encouraged me to give it a run!
Sounds good. I may run it just for fun tonight, though, in order to get a handle on the overall mission time using a level 50 noob build. Plus, I really want to try getting through a couple of those space battles without needing a respawn.
Updating it now based on your feedback. I do have one question though. Curious what it is about the name "M'Row" that made you smile.
This ones should be much juicer than my first publish. KDF Mission. Lots of Borg, Ground and Space Battles, and a few surprises! Enjoy!
The Raven and The Marionette
On the Edge of an Empire, Part 1
There is an ancient Klingon fable about a Raven and a Marionette. The Marionette is jealous of the Raven, and asks the Raven to teach him to fly. The Raven tells the Marionette he can't fly because he has no wings. The Marionette grows angry and threatens to take the Raven's wings. The Raven laughs and flies away, leaving the Marrionette lifeless and alone. The moral of the story is that a fool flies nowhere in anger.
High Command has ordered you to the Ohniaka system to investigate reports of Borg activity. Several Klingon colonies have been attacked in recent months, yet the reports contain no mention of abductions, which is inconsistent with past Borg encounters.
Set course for the Ohniaka System. Abductions or no, engage and destroy any Borg you find.
Now I'm going to check out Sins of the Fathers. I'll post my review here.
Comments
Opening Thoughts:
-not much, really. I do like the summary, it's very intriguing.
Map 1: Koolhaas System Rendevous
-oh no, what are they arguing about?
-one of my boffs seems to have spawned in the floor. It's ok, though, he fixed himself.
-ha, love the dialogue between the first two.
-Captain Velid is very striking in appearance. I love it; I have a feeling I'll remember him.
-Shepard?
-oooh, "our people do not discuss that with outsiders."
-all of the characters here are also striking. Nice job on making them all interesting without having to use much dialogue!
-not really sure how I feel about the placement of the map but that's really an author decision, aesthetically speaking.
Map 2: Neutral Zone
-interesting color choices, green and orange. (assumed it's a custom map because I don't recognize it.) I like it.
-did I just see something warp out? :O Cool.
Map 3: IKS Atrox
-The mission name here is great.
- I would probably change the name Atrox to something else, though... This is mostly a personal nitpick thing but all it did was confuse me; the IKS and Atrox made me wonder whether it was Federation (Atrox) or Klingon (IKS), and the Ferasan security teams didn't help; only when I talked to K'Tan was I sure it was a Klingon vessel. This doesn't, however, affect the overall play of the map.
-some of the sealed-off rooms look really awesome.
Map 4: IKS Atrox Bridge
-nice touch with all the space debris in the background.
Map 5: Neutral Zone
-WOAH EXPLOSION
Map 6: Crash Site
-also well-done, matching the sky to the nebula background- as a bonus, the green looks great with the purple, too. I haven't seen this map used much so that's cool.
-the crash site itself is also interesting looking. That blue stands out very strongly.
-nice use of floater text.
-I sympathize on the objectives issue; I think I ran into the same problem on one of my maps...Eventually scrapped that particular objective as a result.
-Jinak's holographic guards didn't seem particularly inclined to stop me.
Map 7: Facility 991
-nothing to say, Zorbane already hit this one on the head
Map 8: Facility 991
-I am curious about Nox.
-To be continued?!
Closing Thoughts:
-I am immensely curious to part 2- I've only seen the Fek'lhri mentioned in maybe one other Fed Foundry mission off the top of my head.
-Also really enjoyed the characters in this, for what little some of them were there- I wouldn't mind seeing more of the task force, actually. Particularly...what were their names... Qalan and T'Raq, those two. But I repeat- all of the task force.
-Good story that kept me interested, and Jirak seems to be a rather...interesting... individual.
-Overall, loved it! Gave it 5/5 and look forward to a part 2.
my first and currently only Foundry mission is up on the Fed side, intended for a Romulan audience.
Velid is my main Fed so I'm glad you liked him
I ended up loving Qalan and T'Raq too, so much I'm making them the subject of my foundry challenge submission.
Again thank you so much.
Mirror Universe Mystery - @neko213 - SKIP - Did not review a mission
Home Sick Heroes - @amahood
Infinite Shift - @Intuitive_Aptitude
Perfection part 1 - @ashkrik23
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
A very well written mission. The story was good, with a couple twists and kept me engaged. The BOFF dialogue seemed very...specific to a certain character, but it didn't really bother me. I was really impressed how the writing improved since the last mission I played (Long lost friend).
Some things I would have liked to see was a bit more detail in the maps. An example is the Romulan village vs the Tal Shiar base. The village had some nice details including a two story building, while the tal shiar base contained just large computer prop. Also random words were capitalized in the dialogue which was really distracting. If it isn't a pronoun or being emphasized there's no reason it should be this way.
Still I really enjoyed the story and the dialogue that accompanied with it. I gave it 5/5. I'm happy to see you(amahood) have embraced the advice people gave you after playing your first missions, even though it (understandably) upset you at first.
Specifics:
Like how you used the New Romulus map
Map - Unknown cave
Amahood appearance gave me a chuckle
Tied up Tal Shiar were pretty far from the tal shiar computer, I had expected them to be in teh room not the previous corridor
Nice trickery
Map - Looking for a way out
Queen spider got stuck on the other side of the webs
Map - The Surface
Nice Village and "main" building
I missed the "get to the ramp" objective, I walked around the reach marker. Is there even a use for it?
The objective was "Defend yourself" against the security yet I could have avoided them. Felt a bit awkward to me
Once again, great job amahood.
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
It's a short run, nothing fancy, just something I put together while I've been learning the foundry system. But I feel like it came out well, actually.
Anyway I would love some feedback. I'm working on a lengthier mission atm.
Hi stormcrow704 welcome to the thread!
Thanks for sharing your mission! This thread has one rule (and one rule only!)
This is so missions will get reviewed by their peers and also so authors get to experience how other authors use the Foundry as well.
Also check out stoutes thread here : http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?t=830521
On another note I'm still extremely busy and won't be able to tackle the list until some time next week where I should be back to my one mission per day average
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
One rule to rule them all. Got it. I'll get reviewing.
Thanks!
1st Impressions.
Lots to do on the Cerberus bridge. Some spelling errors (Energise?) But I like the idea of going to another ships bridge to start a mission. Maybe a little more mission content here instead of optional content. I usually like to have a fight or solve a puzzle on every map i visit.
Map 1 - Neutral Zone. It's quiet here. No space sounds? Crossing the Sea of Steel - great name. I like how the carrier was hidden in the debris field.
Map 2 - IKS Atrox. He Who Rides a Tiger is Afraid to Dismount. Again, great name. Not sure if the great hall is the right choice for this map. Good difficulty balance on this map. Not to hard. Not to soft. Also pretty good lead for the player to get to the goal. I hate wandering around no idea where I need to go or worse having to backtrack.
Map 3 - Atrox Bridge. Love the boss fight. Love the bridge.
Map 4 - Back is space. Wait I have to beam down to the planet? :mad: I like space battles.
Map 5 - Crash Site. Cool map. A good setting here. This was a fun map. I like the tricks with the holograms and then the final meeting with jinak. Was a nice twist from your standard boss fight.
Map 6 - Space. Nothing to fight. How did I get here? I don't no if going from one planet to another system without at least having to warp out is the best transition. Have that meeting with the Cerberus in the neutral zone and then go to warp.
Map 7 - Facility 991- Lots of running. Some dialogue. Again not alot to do.
A good mission with some great writing. I rated 4 out of 5 for good karma and because I'm sure there are plenty of trolls out there one staring people. Needs more space content. Better transitions and wrap it up quicker after you track down jinak. the last 2 maps felt unnecessary.
Nice work!
Be prepared -- I'm a harsh critic. :P
Author's Handle: @bigdogofbrie
Level: Any
Mission ID: ST-HC654XVHC
Allegiance: Klingon
Running Time: 15-20 minutes
OVERVIEW:
This was a fun little mission overall with a nice surprise at the end. The start point is in space outside the Donatu System, so there's no need to beam down anywhere to initiate the mission.
This is a dialog-based mission, but there isn't a lot of dialog -- just enough to move the story forward and get to the final punchline. Your character has a sassy attitude, which works for the mission and there's a good smuggler's ambiance in both the dialog and the setting.
I gave it three stars on completion because it is a bit of a fluff mission and there's quite a bit of work that still needs to be put in to give it a finished feel. But I did enjoy it. With some clean-up, it would rate four stars. It's definitely worth playing through, if only for the payout at the end.
And now the blow-by-blow analysis. Note that this was written as I was playing the mission, so it's a bit like that guy in the row behind you at the movies who's talking about the movie while it is playing.
Project Description:
Interesting description. I'm a bit drawn in already. No spelling issues, but the semicolon in the final paragraph should be a period. Reserve semicolons for lists.
Many authors use the [MissionInfo] tag in this section. You cover the start information in the text, but many people look for the green text when they are browsing for a mission -- hoping to find something close to where they already are. No green text/[MissionInfo] is a chance to get skipped over.
Also, remember that this description is repeated in the player's mission list where, again, they will expect to find green text. Try to mimic the style of the Cryptic mission descriptions where possible.
I know that there's no nice little floating dialog offering to put the [MissionInfo] and [OOC] tags in for you, but they still work in the project description.
Mission Grant:
Clear. This sounds like it will be fun.
Spelling/Grammar issues:
Nimrod System:
Cool looking map. I like how the material from the broken planet looks like it's being pulled by the gravity well of the whole planet. I also really like the band of yellow nebular clouds -- it makes it feel very private, like a pirate's cove.
It's nice seeing a mission with Faresans as characters and not just as background.
Cardassians tend to talk a lot before engaging in battle. A little pre-battle banter with the Gul commanding the attack force would be a nice touch to add here.
I'd like to see the first Cardassian ship spawn closer. It was about 25km from me after the dialog. Try to make it so the player is in battle as soon as possible without the spawned ship being on top of them. I like to put about 10-15km distance from where the player should be. The same goes for the follow-on spawn. Remember, objective spawns aren't on the map until the prior objective is complete, so they won't be piling up on the player if you place the later spawns fairly close to the earlier ones.
Ignoring the spelling issues listed below, I like the flow and flavor of the dialog.
Oops... there's a "Continue" where I think you meant to have player dialog. The next screen starts out with the Station Chief saying "Sure does." in response to a "Continue".
The map transition dialog uses the default "Go to next map". You should consider improving on that.
Spelling/Grammar issues:
Megar Station
The goal "Reach Station Chief" and sub-goal "Station Chief" doesn't really work. You need to think in terms of "What does the player need to do by the end of this map?" and "What is the player's current objective?" In this case, you are basically running through the map blowing Cardassians away until you reach a welded-shut door. So I would suggest having a goal of "Get to the Operations Level" and a sub-goal of "Work your way through the Cardassian raiders". This gives the player a good sense of what needs to be done on the level without giving anything away.
The steam coming out of the vents in the first room is nice. Simple decorations work well there.
We get to see the Station's crew in battle if we run fast, otherwise they are gone. Consider using a Reach Marker to spawn the two groups once the away team has gotten oriented and closer to the hallway.
I really like the bar area. The music works well in there. I'm surprised there isn't an opportunity to fight in this room. Again, triggering spawns with a reach marker would be good so you stumble into a battle in progress.
The battles seem to get more difficult as you progress through the first map. Good!
Again, "Go to next map" -- which is now being said by the BOFF as well -- takes me out of the story. Some minor dialog like "I'm ready to initiate the point-to-point transfer, [RANK]." with a response of "Go ahead!" would be much better.
Spelling/Grammar issues:
Megar Station#2
You should consider renaming this map to something more relatable. For example "Megar Station - Operations Level".
Again we have the same goal and sub-goal "Reach Station Chief"... In this case, the sub-goal is correct -- we actually meet the Chief for that objective. The main goal should be something else, though, like "Try to complete your delivery". This is nice, because it expresses what the player's character is trying to accomplish in this segment, and hints to the player that things might go wrong.
Corridor battles here are less difficult than on the first Megar Station map. Considering that this is the last ground battle map, I would expect the battles here to be more difficult. Also, when you consider that the two ground maps are mainly run-and-gun with little dialog, you need to give the player some satisfaction for having to wait through the three lengthy map transitions that seem to happen one right after the other.
I totally missed the battle in the side room on this map. By the time I got there, it was over and I just saw the station crew standing around. Use a Reach Marker to delay spawning these two groups until the player is closer to the room.
The big room in the middle has a decent battle, but I would again use triggered spawns. Double up the number of enemies and add a group of friendlies. Just finding the enemies standing waiting for me across the room was disappointing.
"Go to Next Map?" - "Go to Next Map" -- 'nuff said.
Spelling/Grammar issues:
Nimrod System#2
Again, the map name can be improved upon. I would call this one "Nimrod System - Delivery"
PERFECT spawn of the Cardassian ship as you enter the map. Right at 9.75km. I was able to start shooting at him immediately.
Again, though, I miss chatting with the Gul. Just firing without warning is not typical of Cardassian culture. You want to have them say something cultured and then have your character snap back something witty before firing the first salvo in his smarmy face.
I love the sassy response to the impatient Station Chief -- and everything that follows.
But it does bring up another question: WHY ARE THE CARDASSIANS ATTACKING?!?!? Certainly not because of your cargo. I would say something in the dialogues on the first Nimrod System map that explains this. For example, when the Station Chief complains about the raids and how they are getting worse, he could say something about how the True Way has claimed the Nimrod System and has been trying to push him out of it ever since. Without that, the player thinks that the cargo is the problem, which it obviously isn't. Giving another reason for the Cardassians being there and fighting so hard will keep the story from falling flat.
Spelling/Grammar issues:
EDIT: I just noticed that you are using the "Argelius II" map template for the indoor scenes. It was driving me crazy trying to figure out how you got music in the bar until I figured that out.
Mission Name: The Sins of the Fathers
Author's Handle: @donperk
Level: 16+
Mission ID: ST-HHAYT6KPV
Allegiance: Klingon
Running Time: ~120 minutes.
This is a very story-heavy and lore heavy mission. If you read everything, it will run you two hours. A lot of the lore and color can be skipped, as can a couple of the battles, so subsequent run throughs can be significantly shorter.
This mission has a strong sense of humor, but the story is very serious, speaking to personal tragedies and unique points of view. Your character, while definitely KDF-aligned, was probably not raised as a Klingon. :rolleyes: The text intentionally avoids revealing the sex of the player character, but there are female romantic interests in the side plot, so female player characters, at least for this story, are open to female romantic partners. (I developed the story using a female toon as a way to remind me to keep from making statements that would force the main character's sex to be male or female.)
Anyway, this is my first Foundry effort, so have at it and enjoy!
don't forget to check out stoutes and evil70ths threads (although evil70ths is super backlogged)
Once again I won't be able to play for a few more days.
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
I'm already plugged into evil70th's backlog.
Since you are busy, let me know if there's a mission you'd like me to pull in and review. I will have some time tonight -- and as you have seen above, I take a lot of care in doing the review.
If you're looking for missions just pick any from the list on the first page, thanks!
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
Great review you did there! Will add your mission as well onto my list!
I call it, the Stoutes paradox.
Thanks stoutes! And thanks for the add!
I think I'll take on "Perfection, Part I" next. I should be looking at it tonight (US Central time zone.)
Lots of great notes for me to work on. I have done some mods in other games and I kind of stumbled into the foundry last week. I'm a huge trek fan and I've played STO since launch so this is a good fit for me. My goal for this mission was to get something out there. I wanted quick, I wanted fun and I wanted something I could build on as I get more experience with the foundry.
Spelling is an issue. It effects the polish and the immersion and my grammar and punctuation skills are definitely lacking. A carry over from a misspent youth. I'm working on it. I get your note about naming the maps differently. And working on those battle spawns so the player gets to see the spawns fighting. I'm still learning about triggers.
Isn't that Argelius II map great? I was looking for something that fit mercenary/smuggler backwater station and it was like found money. The bar I plan on improving. My plan is to have this mission serve as the prolog the the three missions I have planed for my KDF "trilogy". I plan on populating the bar with props and patrons that will hint at what is to come.
As far as the Cardassians go - its definately a good note - I may have to rethink my bad guys in this one. I barely ever read dialogue in missions - click click click - so my bad guys are never going to be all that chatty. But I need more notes on lore like that.
I'm glad you enjoyed the twist at the end. Once I had worked that out I knew this one was worth publishing.
Thanks again. This type of feedback is very motivating.
You are very welcome! It's a fun little story -- it just needs some polish.
You'll note that my treatment of spelling and grammar issues is (mostly) separate from the rest of the review. It's one of those things that needs to be nitpicked (and most people appreciate the nitpicking) but shouldn't be used as a hammer to beat a Foundry author up with. So I figure just a list of issues listed after the map comments -- expecting it to be inevitable -- is the way to go.
The triggers aren't hard to figure out, but there are some great tutorials out there if you aren't quite getting it -- especially from the StarbaseUGC guys. Note that many of them are out of date, but they convey the concepts.
Yeah, that map threw me for a loop. There's a lounge in "The Sins of the Fathers" that I built by hand and there's no appropriate bar music.
As someone who has quart jars of that particular herb to satisfy the needs of the five other denizens of my house, it was laugh-out-loud funny. (LOL! Now people are REALLY gonna wonder what the payoff is in your mission.)
Excellent! Keep it up.
Author's Handle: @Ashkrik23
Level: 41+ (Borg)
Mission ID: ST-HD655WMRJ
Allegiance: Federation
Running Time: Too long. (DNF after seven hours.)
OVERVIEW:
This is a strong Borg story that spans from the Gamma Quadrant to Earth Space Dock. Unfortunately, after seven hours of play (and doing this write-up as I went along) I hit a bug that stopped the story from progressing. So I really can't rate the story having not completed it.
I do have a lot of notes, though, so I'll share what I was able to get out of this.
Note that I was playing on "*Update 12* 9/13/13" It's possible that the issue I was having has been fixed by the time you read this.
I would note that this would be a satisfying story with a decent cliffhanger if it ended before moving to Earth Orbit. It would also have a running time of 2-4 hours at that point.
Okay, so here are my impressions as I played through the mission:
PROJECT DESCRIPTION:
Description is compelling and does a good job of setting the time period for the mission.
You are missing a [MissionInfo], which is not a requirement since the information is in the text, but it's considered good style to include one. You could just take the last sentence of the description and enclose it in [MissionInfo] tags to satisfy the style requirement -- it's certainly worded in the normal style.
The reminder in the [OOC] section to bring a remodulator is good.
Spelling/Grammar/Localization & Gender Neutrality Issues:
GRANT DIALOG:
Very succinct in-context dialog. You've realized that it's not necessary to repeat the Project Description.
I would recommend that you separate the directions to Kessik from the note to your fleet-mates and the notation that this is something of a grinder by enclosing the latter two in [OOC] tags. It's important to keep the meaning of green text restricted to instructions to the player.
Spelling/Grammar/Localization & Gender Neutrality Issues:
MAP TRANSITION TO KESSIK FROM CRYPTIC SOCIAL ZONE:
Well done. I like the fact that the BOFF asks for your permission to enter.
The only thing odd here is that my Ship Science officer made the request. This should probably be your Ship Tactical officer, who would be in charge of helm control.
The Mission Objective is clear. You might want to change "...Kessik..." to "...Kessik in the Gamma Orionus Sector..." so those of us with short memories don't have to pull up the mission window to see where to go.
Spelling/Grammar/Localization & Gender Neutrality Issues:
MAP: KESSIK ORBIT
The initial vista with all the friendly ships wandering around the warp gate is a bit of a thrill. Some of the ship names lead me to believe you are an anime/manga fan.
Initial mission objectives are very clear.
It's unfortunate that we only load this map for the initial view. (The player doesn't actually do anything on this map.) But it seems like it may be a necessary mechanic.
In the map transition dialog, the prompt "Engage transporter." doesn't make sense as a command to your BOFF since the Lion's Pride is initiating the transport. A better prompt would be "Inform them that I'm ready." or something similar.
Spelling/Grammar/Localization & Gender Neutrality Issues:
MAP: U.S.S. LION'S PRIDE BRIDGE
I like the Caitian security officers standing watch at the all the bridge exits, including the transporter. Nice touch. (M'Row brought a smile to my face.)
Ooo... a Liberated Borg Caitian! Nice!
No officers at the bridge stations? That feels wrong for a ship on duty.
(Dialog with M'Sarabi) Robotic animation is probably a poor choice for any non-android being. It was distracting from the text for me. Military would seem more appropriate here since the bridge feels very controlled and official.
Branching prior to the exposition about the Omega Molecule is good.
Except for a lapse in formality (see below) this is a very good briefing. I like it.
Ew... as much as I love your bridge scene, all we did was receive a briefing and now there's another map transition. As a player, this gets a bit annoying. When do I get to do more than one thing on a map?
Spelling/Grammar/Localization & Gender Neutrality Issues:
MAP: KESSIK ORBIT, DEPARTURE TO THE DELTA QUADRANT
So we are back in Kessik and the only task we have is to... wait for it... perform a map transition!
I would recommend compressing "KESSIK ORBIT", "U.S.S. LION'S PRIDE BRIDGE" and "KESSIK ORBIT, DEPARTURE TO THE DELTA QUADRANT" all into a single map and let the briefing be conducted as a hail. Beaming over for a briefing such as this would probably not happen in real life and seems unnecessary here. Even with the high security around the Omega Molecule, an encrypted link would be preferable to beaming over for a terse briefing.
The Lion's Pride bridge is gorgeous -- and I love the security details. But it's entirely superfluous and gets in the way of the story telling and burns a lot of time in unnecessary map transitions.
And from a player perspective, it's annoying. Don't annoy your players.
Spelling/Grammar/Localization & Gender Neutrality Issues:
MAP: UNKNOWN SYSTEM
Entry into the map through the warp gate was a nice visual.
Very dark, ominous setting. It sets the tone well.
The four exploded Borg cubes, even though you've rotated them, look rather cookie cutter. I would add some more debris around each one to get rid of the "copy and paste" effect.
The Borg cube/sphere battles, as expected, were tough. I went in too fast and paid for it -- a couple of times. And I didn't have a co-variant shield equipped.
Good map transition dialog... but boy, we've been running through a lot of maps so far.
Spelling/Grammar/Localization & Gender Neutrality Issues:
MAP: BORG TACTICAL CUBE SECTION #214
M'Sarabi's instructions are very military. Good stuff.
First impression of the environment: spooky... noisy! (in a good way.) You can tell things are not well with the cube. The Borg patrol up ahead wandering around at high speed is intimidating.
SURPRISE ATTACK! Man that's a lot of Borg!
The "Continue"s in response to M'Sarabi seem a bit off to me. A curt "Yes, ma'am"/"Yes, sir" or "Acknowledged" seems more appropriate than the default prompt.
Another tough, but fun fight as you turn down the left corridor. 1 of 3 adapted to my weapon frequency four times!
Assimilation chamber fights were well-paced. The bodies on the ground are sad and ominous.
Dialog with the survivor is poignant. I'd like to see him a bit more beat up, though. Perhaps you could use a scar pattern in crimson across his face to indicate fresh wounds.
Nice little patrol battle as you change corridors during the "Reach the data node center" objective.
Ugh... Dealing with TWO oversized Borg at the same time was a bit much. My team couldn't handle it. I lost the whole team four times trying to take them and their minions down.
Spelling/Grammar/Localization & Gender Neutrality Issues:
MAP: BORG TACTICAL CUBE SECTION #777
With the warning at the end of the last map... I'm scared!
Nice environmental effects with the green smoke.
Good, tough battles with the first group and the group that beams in after them.
Very nice series of battles during the "Access Omega Molecule data node" objective. Well paced. Had room to breathe if I wanted it and to clear inventory. Decent blue-level drops on several of these.
Found one unnamed "Drone" in the north-western-most room. I think this is the first Borg I've seen in here without a name.
The closer I get to the data node center, the spookier this map gets.
I like the surprise guest's speech.
WHAT THE HECK?!?!?!?! Borg in front of me... Borg behind me. We're dead.
That was a HUGE ambush. There were a few unnamed "Drone"s in this batch, too.
Oh... nice surprise there. I won't spoil it -- but I know what Part 2 will be about now!
In the "Space Ambush" dialog, the BOFF refers to "Sarabi" instead of "M'Sarabi". I'm not up on Caitian culture -- is this okay or a typo?
Straightforward map transfer dialog.
Spelling/Grammar/Localization & Gender Neutrality Issues:
MAP: UNKNOWN SYSTEM, BORG AMBUSH
Let's see... just three cubes and four spheres, plus a phalanx of probes. Ai, yi, yi! Destroyed once, but was able to pick 'em off one by one with the first cube not cluttering up the space. The battle area here is surpisingly small for a space battle with the debris creating boundaries.
Next wave is two spheres and a diamond? That's a new one for me. But I survived it with a little help from the Nimbus pirates.
Spelling/Grammar/Localization & Gender Neutrality Issues:
MAP: OUTPOST 77 UNDER FIRE
A sphere and three cubes. Very tough without covariant shields, but I made it.
Spelling/Grammar/Localization & Gender Neutrality Issues:
MAP: EARTH UNDER FIRE
The green-tinted background gas is odd for an Earth map. But it looks pretty cool. Very Borgy.
This battle felt wrong. There are allies everywhere, but none will help you. I thought I could lure the enemies into the crowd of allies, but they were just set dressing. Taking down seven Borg by myself took forever. This has stopped being fun. And there are enemies on the map that are not part of the "Save Earth" goal. They are avoidable, but if you don't scan your map first, you'll end up fighting them. Even worse, they all go away magically when you fend off the first seven with no explanation in the dialog.
I would have preferred to see an epic battle with lots of ships from both sides fighting. The "pick one off and slog" just got old. Granted, there were two or three active ships at the spawn, but they went down FAST. They weren't even a good distraction.
Transition to the ESD battle was good.
Spelling/Grammar/Localization & Gender Neutrality Issues:
MAP: EARTH SPACE DOCK UNDER ATTACK
Premise of rescuing officers is good.
It's nice to see people on the station fighting and surving.
The Borg stasis chambers on ESD look pretty cool. So do many of the other Borg assets.
Do we ever run out of Borg? They seem to keep respawning. I had to backtrack for a missed officer and ended up having to fight each group of Borg three times.
Lots of Drones with no name.
Ugh... there's a bug. I can't tag the last officer -- the one in Astrometrics at the center. I've been playing this mission for seven hours now and I've hit a serious bug. I'm afraid I have to drop the mission here.
Spelling/Grammar/Localization & Gender Neutrality Issues:
Writing a detailed review takes time, and it might be donperk isn't specced as a tac?
I call it, the Stoutes paradox.
I was figuring that it was because of the review part.
My tactical character is Klingon, so I had to use my engineer for this run. I started the mission at around 6:30pm and finally had to call it quits around 1:30am. Obviously there was a lot of writing and scrutinizing going on, but honestly, it seemed the great majority of my time was spent in battles. I've only been playing STOL since July, so I don't have the greatest equipment either for my ships or my crew. But I think that helps from a review standpoint -- I'm the voice of the noobs.
I kind of figured that I was missing an imprisoned officer, but I had three things working against me at that point:
With the Borg constantly re-spawning, I just wasn't motivated to go back a third time and look for the captured captain -- especially without an objective marker. I may have triggered something too early -- or maybe my session was bugged. I spent over two hours just on ESD -- and there wasn't much writing going on. Just a lot of fighting and re-calibrating. (I actually got into a rhythm where I could predict when I needed to re-calibrate my weapons.)
I do plan on running it again tonight. Only this time I'll skip the detailed look until I get to ESD. That should also give me a better handle on the time to run the mission.
I did not take notes so the review will be brief.
Story: The story involves an attempt to change the timeline and reveals your history in an alternate timeline. The characters are nicely developed and intelligently written. There were very few spelling errors I only noticed 2 or 3.
Maps: Mostly pre made maps used but they are beautifully dressed, giving the mission a real polished look, it does not have cramped or sloppy maps like many missions do. I really loved some innovative use of props in the mission. There is a nice custom space map of Jupiter.
The Npcs are very nice custom designs and they age or get scars as time progresses.
Tech: No bugs the mission plays flawlessly.
Combat: I am not a combat buff and found the combat dragged on a bit. I played with a level 50 char at normal difficulty and there are a lot of mobs that got a little tedious at one point. The space battles were fun though. YMMV
All in all I gave it 4/5 stars a very good first effort!
Parallels: my second mission for Fed aligned Romulans.
Sounds good. I may run it just for fun tonight, though, in order to get a handle on the overall mission time using a level 50 noob build. Plus, I really want to try getting through a couple of those space battles without needing a respawn.
Sounds good. I like the idea of having characters age. You've just encouraged me to give it a run!
Updating it now based on your feedback. I do have one question though. Curious what it is about the name "M'Row" that made you smile.
The Raven and The Marionette
On the Edge of an Empire, Part 1
There is an ancient Klingon fable about a Raven and a Marionette. The Marionette is jealous of the Raven, and asks the Raven to teach him to fly. The Raven tells the Marionette he can't fly because he has no wings. The Marionette grows angry and threatens to take the Raven's wings. The Raven laughs and flies away, leaving the Marrionette lifeless and alone. The moral of the story is that a fool flies nowhere in anger.
High Command has ordered you to the Ohniaka system to investigate reports of Borg activity. Several Klingon colonies have been attacked in recent months, yet the reports contain no mention of abductions, which is inconsistent with past Borg encounters.
Set course for the Ohniaka System. Abductions or no, engage and destroy any Borg you find.
Now I'm going to check out Sins of the Fathers. I'll post my review here.