bagelmasterMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
Upon arrival at the fiery mountains, the human cleric seemed baffled at the scene. A local dwarf approaches the confused man.
"What's bee'n the problem, friend?" He asks. The man turns his gaze to the dwarf and replies.
"This doesn't seem like the place that I remember. What happened to the ski resort?"
"Ah, we been doin' some landscapin'. Gettin' too many complaints o' the weather here. Too many ot'er resorts in the land."
"So, did you change the name?" the cleric retorted.
"Ay, it was Coldthen, but it's Hotenow."
"I should have brought lighter clothes..."
"Ay."
a halfling rogue walked into a tavern and announced 'I challenge anyone in here to a drinking contest! Anyone who can beat me gets my brand new bag of holding!'.
A human replied from across the room 'you're on shorty' and proceeds to match the halfling pint for pint. 12 drinks later the human was out cold on the hard stone floor and the halfling was no worse for wear. The rogue walked over and took his money pouch from his belt, sat back down, and yelled 'anyone else?'.
next a stout burly dwarf walked up to him and said 'OCH! that human is an embarrassment to his race. I'll drink you under the table ya wee terror!'. Sure enough 25 pints later the dwarf slumped forward unconscious and the halfling, perfectly sober, wandered over to rummage through the dwarfs backpack.
From across the room came a massive roar! 'YOU AGAIN!' yelled a huge half-orc 'UP TO YOUR OLD TRICKS AGAIN!'. The halfling hurriedly replied 'no, honest, i'm legit now!' rolling up his sleeves and turning around to show the half-orc he isn't cheating. 'i'll tell you what.' said the halfling 'How about YOU challenge me, no tricks this time!'. The half-orc agreed, they both sat down, and began guzzling down drinks. 49 pints later the half-orc swung back on his chair, fell backwards, and started snoring loudly on the tavern cobbles.
as the halfling began looting through the half-orcs treasure sack the tavern keeper, astounded, asked the halfling 'in all of Neverwinter i have NEVER seen anyone drink like you! how did you do it!' to which the halfling replied 'a week ago I tried the same trick in another tavern but over THERE I had a funnel down my shirt to pour the booze into my bag of holding. when that half-orc saw what I was doing he stuffed the bag of holding down my throat... I haven't been able to get drunk since.
"How many dwarven ghosts of Gauntlgrym does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
Just one, and his dark elf friend.
Follow Mez and Rasia as they encounter friends and foes in a constantly shifting environment where allies could be foes and death awaits those who aren't prepared.
Two Humans meet at the town square,
the other one says, "well, it seems to be snowing"
then the other one said, "Well i'll be damned. Didn't expect that, now did you?"
stupriMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 5Arc User
edited May 2013
The most popular last words of all classes in PvE:
DC: What means agro?
GWF: Who needs GF, I'm a perfect tank!
TR: To evade red zones? No, not heard.
GF: Two potions will be absolutely enough.
CW: 30 adds are coming to me? Time to revive my companion!
In PvP:
DC, GWF, GF, TR, CW: Hmm, this guy in broad-brim was just right there. Oh wait...
Was a Mindflayer the last one to take an interest in your mind?
Is that companion just not providing the company you want?
Then welcome to LFG.net, where all your duo, trio, or even full blown party desires come true! Just look at all these REAL adventurers looking for someone like YOU to join them in a romp around Neverwinter!
"Dashing swashbuckler seeks one; Leather and masks are a plus. Groups don't bother."
"hEy L4d135, loking 4 fUn? Have a swrd biger than clouds from ff7 LOL! not loKing 4 anytin srs, more the merrier."
"Seeking a partner in order to delve deeper into the arcane arts. Binding magic, ice coating, even a little 'lightning' for those daring enough. Shieldbearers and two handed monkey swingers need not apply. Inquire with Mistress Daisy."
"Unbending will seeking someone who thinks they can break my bulwark. If you think you got the stones, bring your favorite friends and your favored weapon and see if you can crack this steel."
"Step in the !@#%ing circle, you worthless !#%@piles. Just because I can wield the !@#%ing divine light to heal your impossibly stupid !@#%ery doesn't mean I like it, you ignorant miserable donkey biting-"
Whoah, okay! Maybe we shouldn't have done the live feed. (But if any of you are interested in, uh, that, just seek them by their handle, Penance)
So what are you waiting? Find your perfect match (or four) today! Join LFG.Net!
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jalfyMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
Sgt. Knox: Protectors Enclave need your help!
Sgt. Knox: Protectors Enclave need your help!
Sgt. Knox: Protectors Enclave need your help!
Sgt. Knox: Protectors Enclave need your help!
Sgt. Knox: Protectors Enclave need your help!
Sgt. Knox: Protectors Enclave need your help!
Server not responding 183.2s
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elusivem00seMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 13Arc User
edited May 2013
Q: What do you call a Kobold with a leaky bucket?
A: A critical pailure.
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robbiejakkMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
A warrior comes home very drunk from the pub with a Duck under his arm, his wife answers the door "what's this?" The warrior replies "this is the dragon i've been shaggin'" The angry wife shouts "That is not a Dragon that is a duck" The warrior looks at her and says "I was talking to the duck!!!!!!!!!"
jalfyMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
before the 'Temple of Spiders' Epic dungeon was fixed.
Guy: "Can we not bug the boss? It's lame and stupid."
Me: "Are we not 'bugging' them from the start?"
Guy2: "They are arachnids. Not bugs"
Me: "We have an expert here watch out!"
Guy 2: Has left the party.
If the Neverwinter classes decided to make a band it would be called "The Trickster Rogue and the Neverwinter Never Winners"
We are all familiar with the short versions of the class names, but the developers never told us how they decided what would be the best. Posted below are the ideas the developers had to work with before deciding on the final short versions of the class names.
*(TR) Trickster Rogue = (CLDGCSTIGLASRDPSTR) Captain Life Drinker Great Control Super Teleporting Invisible Guardian Long And Short Range DPS Trickster Rogue
*(DC) Devoted Cleric = (NTWYQFADDAWTATACFHACDC) Never There When You Queue For A Dungeon Delve And When They Are The Always Calling For Help Aggro Collector Devoted Cleric
*(CW) Control Wizard = (SOSKTRWLBBCWWAF) Slow One Shot Kill Trickster Rogues Weak Little Brother Barely Control and hardly a Wizard Without An essential Fireball or firewall
*(GWF) Great Weapon Fighter = (HF) Hireling Fighter
*90% of the in-game class gear = (LFSF) Lopesided Fashion School Failure's
At first they thought it would be a good idea to suggest mnemonic devices to help people remember what they were. Some of their ideas are posted below. The developers gave up on the ideas after they realized that most of their audience would have a hard enough time getting through the voiced quest descriptions, let alone having to memorize a whole sentence.
*(TR) Trickster Rogue = (CLDGCSTIGLASRDPSTR) CouLD Guy who Can't SiT In Good Lounge Apparatus for very long Stay Regular without Dropping Pathetic Swears To gaming Regulars
*(GF) Guardian Fighter = (GMEAIDPSGF) GaME Add's IncapacitateD Please So my Girl Friend doesn't hear me yell at the computer and find out I am playing
*(DC) Devoted Cleric = (NTWYQFADDAWTATACFHACDC) I'm NoT WhY Questing Fails, the ADD's Are Way To Attracted To All of my Cleric Fancies and Hound Around me Continuously, it is Definitely the control wizards fault because they have the word Control in their name
*(CW) Control Wizard = (SOSKTRWLBBCWWAF) SO Silly, Tried to Kill in the Arena but my prone enemy was Robbed While I Laid Back Behind Cover When Waves of rogues decided to teleport to my exposed <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> from half a mile away
*(GWF) Great Weapon Fighter = (HF) How come the love is not with the step child Fighter
A couple of teenage commoners were recklessly driving a wagon through the streets of Neverwinter when a guard stopped them. The guard asked for the ownership papers of the wagon. The teenager holding the reigns handed the papers to the guard. The guard looked at the papers, stated that they seemed to in order and then pulled his sword and whacked the driving teenager in the back of his head with the broad side. The guard then ordered them to move on and to be more careful. As the teenagers started to go, the guard shouted at them again to stop. The guard walked around the back of the wagon to the other side where the second teenager was sitting. The guard then pulls his sword again and whacks the second teenager in the back of his head. The second teenager, rubbing his head, asks the guard,
A young man arrives at his best friends house with a felt bag. His friend says, you've gotta check out this new game I've got called Neverwinter!"
The young man reaches into his felt bag, withdrawing a handful of d6's. Throws the d6's at the pc shouting "I cast FIREBALL!" The PC explodes into a smoking pile of rubble.
Without missing a beat the friend pulls out a d20 and starts rolling loot.
stupriMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 5Arc User
edited May 2013
-Daughter, did you get AD from all daily quests?
-No, not from all. Pa, I have a news for you, I'm pregnant...
-WHAT? What means not from all?
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azurealfangMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 12Arc User
edited May 2013
A party of 2 Trickster Rogues, 1 Control Wizard, 1 Great Weapon Fighter, and a Guardian Fighter go into The Cloak Tower. Upon fighting the first couple enemies the Great Weapon Fighter yells "Spam Potions!", The 2 trickster Rogues start throwing their potions at the enemies, the Control Wizard drinks his potions with style, and the Guardian Fighter dies because he couldn't hear over the enemies clashing against his shield. In the end, the party of 4 left the dungeon in sadness after they killed off the enemies and looted 5 copper each, enough to buy themselves nothing.
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iteries1Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 5Arc User
edited May 2013
A Red and Green Dragon walking along. Red is rubbing his belly as the Green ask "What wrong my fellow?"
Red replies "Seriously, you have to watch out for them green knights. I can swear they are not ripe yet"
Role Playing.. it's an art!
"Builders are the Stage Mangers. Game Master's are the Directors to guide the story along. Characters are the Actors. All together they bring Role Playing Story's come alive."
"A powerful and famous Great Weapon Master named Conan heard the rumor that the Old Sage that lives alone in his giant castle atop of the Sword Mountains highest peak,knows the secret behind ultimate wisdom.He decides then that he will travel all the way to the Sage's castle and learn that secret from him!"
"Conan then puts on his Titan's set of gear and his almighty two-handed sword,jumps on his Unique Armored Horse mount and starts riding towards the Sword Mountains!"
"He goes through the Neverwinter Woods that are filled with all kind of beasts and dangers striking every enemy that appeared in his way,never stopping never slowing down.
Then he turns and go through the High Road for an easier ride and whatever bandits tried to stop him they all perished in his path.
Finally he reaches the roots of the Sword Mountains and he finds the highest peak.He Jumps of his mount and start climbing with bare hands atop the mountain!
After many many hours he's standing on top of the peak in front of the Sage's castle at last,but Conan doesn't stop to rest he goes straight to the big double wooden door that block his way into the castle.
He charges and Takedown the big wooden door like it was never there.As he keeps moving into the castle he meets another double door but this time its made of stone.He slams the ground before the door and it crumbles to the ground.Conan keeps moving into the Sage's lair and he reaches before a final double door made of steel.Then he stops and draw his epic two-handed sword,he charges his attack and with a Reaping Strike he hits and cuts the huge steel door into pieces like it was no more than human flesh!"
"Inside the room is the Old Sage sitting in a meditating position with closed eyes."
"Conan starts to move closer to the Sage and he says:
-Old Sage you have my respect,i heard you know the secret to the ultimate Wisdom and i am here to learn it from you!I am all ears...
The Old Sages the opens his eyes and stares directly to Conan taking a deep breath,but then he opens his mouth and answer:
-Conan,my boy you know there were doorknobs in your way in...
And Conan,with a pensive face replies:
-You speak in riddles old man...
"
1.Ranger wearing plate mail in a misty echoing crypt: "I try to move silently"
2.Apprentice to mage: "By the way master, I finally shot that pesky owl that kept following you around."
3.Party fighting a band of thieves in a 4x3x4m room, when the mage says, with serious tone: "Hell, I cast a fireball, THAT'll teach'em."
4.Party laying on a hillside spying on the Imperial Army of Darkness commanded by Gul the Necromancer himself (+/- 10,000 troops): "Hmmm, if we attack from the rear, do we get combat advantage??"
A mindflayer, drow, and a beholder walk into a bar. The mindflayer says to the bartender "WAAAZZZUUUP!" with his head shaking back and forth and something like drool spattering from his flailing tentacled mouth. The drow grunts at the bartender, says "hey", then squints at him suspiciously. The beholder approaches the bartender and says "Greetings, salutations, and felicitations my good man. I trust your day is going splendidly?"
The bartender smiles and says "So it is true, beauty is in the 'Hi' of the beholder."
"We killed the dragon! We killed the Dragon! We ... we're never going to have girlfriends, are we?"
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shipwrecktcMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
So the Guardian of the Nine walks into the Moonstone Mask, and the bartender asks, "What'll ya have?"
The Guardian of the Nine says, "I'll be needin' a beer first, and then I'll be needin' a mop."
Want to win a Neverwinter "Party Time" shirt, a Logitech G400 gaming mouse, or even a Logitech G19 gaming keyboard? It's easy! Tell us your best Neverwinter or Dungeons & Dragons joke and/or pun and you could be a lucky winner!
Comments
"What's bee'n the problem, friend?" He asks. The man turns his gaze to the dwarf and replies.
"This doesn't seem like the place that I remember. What happened to the ski resort?"
"Ah, we been doin' some landscapin'. Gettin' too many complaints o' the weather here. Too many ot'er resorts in the land."
"So, did you change the name?" the cleric retorted.
"Ay, it was Coldthen, but it's Hotenow."
"I should have brought lighter clothes..."
"Ay."
A human replied from across the room 'you're on shorty' and proceeds to match the halfling pint for pint. 12 drinks later the human was out cold on the hard stone floor and the halfling was no worse for wear. The rogue walked over and took his money pouch from his belt, sat back down, and yelled 'anyone else?'.
next a stout burly dwarf walked up to him and said 'OCH! that human is an embarrassment to his race. I'll drink you under the table ya wee terror!'. Sure enough 25 pints later the dwarf slumped forward unconscious and the halfling, perfectly sober, wandered over to rummage through the dwarfs backpack.
From across the room came a massive roar! 'YOU AGAIN!' yelled a huge half-orc 'UP TO YOUR OLD TRICKS AGAIN!'. The halfling hurriedly replied 'no, honest, i'm legit now!' rolling up his sleeves and turning around to show the half-orc he isn't cheating. 'i'll tell you what.' said the halfling 'How about YOU challenge me, no tricks this time!'. The half-orc agreed, they both sat down, and began guzzling down drinks. 49 pints later the half-orc swung back on his chair, fell backwards, and started snoring loudly on the tavern cobbles.
as the halfling began looting through the half-orcs treasure sack the tavern keeper, astounded, asked the halfling 'in all of Neverwinter i have NEVER seen anyone drink like you! how did you do it!' to which the halfling replied 'a week ago I tried the same trick in another tavern but over THERE I had a funnel down my shirt to pour the booze into my bag of holding. when that half-orc saw what I was doing he stuffed the bag of holding down my throat... I haven't been able to get drunk since.
A. Because he was good at picking locks.
Just one, and his dark elf friend.
http://www.jerseyimperator.com
the other one says, "well, it seems to be snowing"
then the other one said, "Well i'll be damned. Didn't expect that, now did you?"
Server Down? Go to My Channel:
https://www.youtube.com/user/gifmike
The Beauty of Neverwinter Online Part 1
DC: What means agro?
GWF: Who needs GF, I'm a perfect tank!
TR: To evade red zones? No, not heard.
GF: Two potions will be absolutely enough.
CW: 30 adds are coming to me? Time to revive my companion!
In PvP:
DC, GWF, GF, TR, CW: Hmm, this guy in broad-brim was just right there. Oh wait...
Was a Mindflayer the last one to take an interest in your mind?
Is that companion just not providing the company you want?
Then welcome to LFG.net, where all your duo, trio, or even full blown party desires come true! Just look at all these REAL adventurers looking for someone like YOU to join them in a romp around Neverwinter!
"Dashing swashbuckler seeks one; Leather and masks are a plus. Groups don't bother."
"hEy L4d135, loking 4 fUn? Have a swrd biger than clouds from ff7 LOL! not loKing 4 anytin srs, more the merrier."
"Seeking a partner in order to delve deeper into the arcane arts. Binding magic, ice coating, even a little 'lightning' for those daring enough. Shieldbearers and two handed monkey swingers need not apply. Inquire with Mistress Daisy."
"Unbending will seeking someone who thinks they can break my bulwark. If you think you got the stones, bring your favorite friends and your favored weapon and see if you can crack this steel."
"Step in the !@#%ing circle, you worthless !#%@piles. Just because I can wield the !@#%ing divine light to heal your impossibly stupid !@#%ery doesn't mean I like it, you ignorant miserable donkey biting-"
Whoah, okay! Maybe we shouldn't have done the live feed. (But if any of you are interested in, uh, that, just seek them by their handle, Penance)
So what are you waiting? Find your perfect match (or four) today! Join LFG.Net!
Sgt. Knox: Protectors Enclave need your help!
Sgt. Knox: Protectors Enclave need your help!
Sgt. Knox: Protectors Enclave need your help!
Sgt. Knox: Protectors Enclave need your help!
Sgt. Knox: Protectors Enclave need your help!
Server not responding 183.2s
A: A critical pailure.
3.
Guy: "Can we not bug the boss? It's lame and stupid."
Me: "Are we not 'bugging' them from the start?"
Guy2: "They are arachnids. Not bugs"
Me: "We have an expert here watch out!"
Guy 2: Has left the party.
If the Neverwinter classes decided to make a band it would be called "The Trickster Rogue and the Neverwinter Never Winners"
We are all familiar with the short versions of the class names, but the developers never told us how they decided what would be the best. Posted below are the ideas the developers had to work with before deciding on the final short versions of the class names.
*(TR) Trickster Rogue = (CLDGCSTIGLASRDPSTR) Captain Life Drinker Great Control Super Teleporting Invisible Guardian Long And Short Range DPS Trickster Rogue
*(GF) Guardian Fighter = (GMEAIDPSGF) God Mode Encounter Ability Immune DPS Guardian Fighter
*(DC) Devoted Cleric = (NTWYQFADDAWTATACFHACDC) Never There When You Queue For A Dungeon Delve And When They Are The Always Calling For Help Aggro Collector Devoted Cleric
*(CW) Control Wizard = (SOSKTRWLBBCWWAF) Slow One Shot Kill Trickster Rogues Weak Little Brother Barely Control and hardly a Wizard Without An essential Fireball or firewall
*(GWF) Great Weapon Fighter = (HF) Hireling Fighter
*Any Hireling = (DUI) Decorative Unresponsive Instrument
*90% of the in-game class gear = (LFSF) Lopesided Fashion School Failure's
At first they thought it would be a good idea to suggest mnemonic devices to help people remember what they were. Some of their ideas are posted below. The developers gave up on the ideas after they realized that most of their audience would have a hard enough time getting through the voiced quest descriptions, let alone having to memorize a whole sentence.
*(TR) Trickster Rogue = (CLDGCSTIGLASRDPSTR) CouLD Guy who Can't SiT In Good Lounge Apparatus for very long Stay Regular without Dropping Pathetic Swears To gaming Regulars
*(GF) Guardian Fighter = (GMEAIDPSGF) GaME Add's IncapacitateD Please So my Girl Friend doesn't hear me yell at the computer and find out I am playing
*(DC) Devoted Cleric = (NTWYQFADDAWTATACFHACDC) I'm NoT WhY Questing Fails, the ADD's Are Way To Attracted To All of my Cleric Fancies and Hound Around me Continuously, it is Definitely the control wizards fault because they have the word Control in their name
*(CW) Control Wizard = (SOSKTRWLBBCWWAF) SO Silly, Tried to Kill in the Arena but my prone enemy was Robbed While I Laid Back Behind Cover When Waves of rogues decided to teleport to my exposed <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> from half a mile away
*(GWF) Great Weapon Fighter = (HF) How come the love is not with the step child Fighter
The young man reaches into his felt bag, withdrawing a handful of d6's. Throws the d6's at the pc shouting "I cast FIREBALL!" The PC explodes into a smoking pile of rubble.
Without missing a beat the friend pulls out a d20 and starts rolling loot.
CW: Little Boy, I can control the atmosphere.
Little Boy: Amazing!! But.... how about you control your body odor as you smell like a troll!
CW: *Zap-zap-zap*
Little Boy: Hello?
Slow Drow.
-No, not from all. Pa, I have a news for you, I'm pregnant...
-WHAT? What means not from all?
Red replies "Seriously, you have to watch out for them green knights. I can swear they are not ripe yet"
"Conan then puts on his Titan's set of gear and his almighty two-handed sword,jumps on his Unique Armored Horse mount and starts riding towards the Sword Mountains!"
"He goes through the Neverwinter Woods that are filled with all kind of beasts and dangers striking every enemy that appeared in his way,never stopping never slowing down.
Then he turns and go through the High Road for an easier ride and whatever bandits tried to stop him they all perished in his path.
Finally he reaches the roots of the Sword Mountains and he finds the highest peak.He Jumps of his mount and start climbing with bare hands atop the mountain!
After many many hours he's standing on top of the peak in front of the Sage's castle at last,but Conan doesn't stop to rest he goes straight to the big double wooden door that block his way into the castle.
He charges and Takedown the big wooden door like it was never there.As he keeps moving into the castle he meets another double door but this time its made of stone.He slams the ground before the door and it crumbles to the ground.Conan keeps moving into the Sage's lair and he reaches before a final double door made of steel.Then he stops and draw his epic two-handed sword,he charges his attack and with a Reaping Strike he hits and cuts the huge steel door into pieces like it was no more than human flesh!"
"Inside the room is the Old Sage sitting in a meditating position with closed eyes."
"Conan starts to move closer to the Sage and he says:
-Old Sage you have my respect,i heard you know the secret to the ultimate Wisdom and i am here to learn it from you!I am all ears...
The Old Sages the opens his eyes and stares directly to Conan taking a deep breath,but then he opens his mouth and answer:
-Conan,my boy you know there were doorknobs in your way in...
And Conan,with a pensive face replies:
-You speak in riddles old man...
"
1.Ranger wearing plate mail in a misty echoing crypt: "I try to move silently"
2.Apprentice to mage: "By the way master, I finally shot that pesky owl that kept following you around."
3.Party fighting a band of thieves in a 4x3x4m room, when the mage says, with serious tone: "Hell, I cast a fireball, THAT'll teach'em."
4.Party laying on a hillside spying on the Imperial Army of Darkness commanded by Gul the Necromancer himself (+/- 10,000 troops): "Hmmm, if we attack from the rear, do we get combat advantage??"
The bartender smiles and says "So it is true, beauty is in the 'Hi' of the beholder."
The Guardian of the Nine says, "I'll be needin' a beer first, and then I'll be needin' a mop."