eclipetMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
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1 "We killed the dragon! We killed the Dragon! We ... we're never going to have girlfriends, are we?"
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2 A warrior comes home very drunk from the pub with a Duck under his arm, his wife answers the door "what's this?"
- The warrior replies "this is the dragon i've been shaggin'"
- The angry wife shouts "That is not a Dragon that is a duck!"
- The warrior looks at her and says "I was talking to the duck!"
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3 What do you call 1000 gnomes at the bottom of the ocean?
- Littering
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4 A Pirate walks into a bar with the ship's wheel in his breeches.
Bartender: "Sir, did you know that there is a steering wheel in your pants?"
Pirate: "Aye. It's drivin' m e nuts!"
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5 A human, an elf, and a dwarf are all contracted to build a palace for the great Sultan of the Efreet. Unfortunately, the massive dome collapses and the efreet's harem is crushed to death. Furious, the Sultan orders all three to be executed by beheading.
The human is dragged by the efreet's servants to a massive obsidian guillotine. His head is locked in the stocks and they pull the lever. The obsidian blade drops -- and then stops halfway, apparently stuck. The Sultan says "It is the will of Imix that you be live, so you shall be set free."
Next the elf is dragged to the guillotine. His head is locked in the stocks and they pull the lever. The obsidian blade drops -- and then stops halfway, apparently stuck. The Sultan says "It is the will of Imix that you be live, so you shall be set free."
Finally, the dwarf is dragged to the guillotine. Just before his head is about to be locked in the stocks he looks up and says,
"Ach. I see the problem!"
Herp Derp - Captain Obvious.
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counterintelMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 18Arc User
edited May 2013
A Rogue opens a nightmare lockbox, and a majestic flaming beast appears before him and begins to struggle to speak:
"*COUGH COUGH* Congra...Congra...COUGH COUGH, Congratulations! You will bear witness.. *COUGH*... You will...*COUGH*
The rogue interjects and asks "I'm sorry, what are you?? are you ok??"
To which the beast replied "Yes, Mortal, my apologies.. I am the Heavy Inferno Nightmare. And I'm sorry, I'm a little hoarse."
A boy lives at home with his mom and dad. (nothing wrong with that)
He finds Neverwinter and starts playing as a cleric.
This boy really likes this game so he decides to buy D&D the board game from his local hobby store.
Five hours later he returns to the store and put the game on the counter and said "I would like to return this."
A stranger that was in the store said " you didn't like the character setup?"
boy: "no"
stranger: "was it to difficult?"
boy: "no"
stranger: "then whats the problem?"
boy: "I didn't like the other players"
Don't make me use my feet thief! Which FEAT? My FEET!
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chevellegodMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 3Arc User
edited May 2013
So a TR, a GF, and a GWF, are sitting on top of cloak tower...
After a bunch of testosterone filled jokes, and insults, they decide to measure and see who's is biggest after all, by hanging their sword over the edge of the building, measuring by how many stories down.
The TR hangs his little dagger over the edge and says "Yeah 2 stories down!"
The GF hangs his sword over the edge and says '"Yeah 5 stories down"
The GWF proudly unsheathes his sword and drops it over, shortly after he starts swinging his hips, and rotating and gyrating around...
Finally the TR says "Man, what are you doing?"
GWF says "Dodging the mounts(cars)!"
Hahaha.
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southstar06Member, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
Me: LFP>GWF 11K GS CN DD...
moments later someone invited... "Snap at last they need a GWF in CN."
Few seconds party leader look what he invited and see I am a GWF.
"Meh, we dont need GWF , We need another CW, it takes time to be with you on party."
"Okay I get it. I am GWF, Big dude with 2h sword use for running, not glitching."
A monk and a mage are talking in "The Burning Wizard" Inn in Beregost. The mage asks the monk:
-Why do you monks always answer a question with a question ?
-Why do you ask? - replies the monk
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biifzorMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 5Arc User
edited May 2013
A halfling set off on an adventure to become whole.
Everyday he invoked the gods, slayed powerfull foes and forced lowly mercinaries to do his bidding.
All to gain experience and to climb the ladder of life.
But even after reaching 60 he was Still a halfling, half a man.
He was depressed and spent his days jumping the same space in Protectors Enclave, speaking truths and screaming for justice.
This went on for months...Until finally... One day.... The local Zen Market offered him a way out... A way to glory! A way to become a whole man, a tall man! A Fullling!
Unfortunately the glorious boon had a flaw... So after spending all his well-earned Zen on the illusive "Race Change Token" he is now....
a Dwarf.
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maguswinterMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 10Arc User
edited May 2013
A drunk dwarf walks into a tavern and shouts "agh..I need a stifth drank and a... trrrumpet!"
The bartender hands him a shot of good ol'fashioned moonshine and the Bard hands over his trumpet.
The dwarf looks at the bartender and says; "Thank you lad! That be just fine!"
Then he turns towards the bard and says; "What is this!? I want a Strumpet not a trumpet!"
The bard retracts his offer and shrugs his shoulders.
New comers need some help? Add my induction ID in the code space provided in the top left corner of your character creation screen. You will get special items as you level up and I'll be here to guide you.
Server: Aquarius EAST Induction ID: 4270193G090405038000750S3f8fb2
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wildestpvpMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 10Arc User
edited May 2013
How many wizards does it take to screw in a light bulb?
We don't need no stinking light bulbs :P
So a Dracolich, a cleric and a guardian fighter were fighting eachother, the cleric heals the guardian fighter and the guardian fighter fights the Dracolich.
Then the Cleric stops healing the Guardian, when the guardian asked her why she stopped she asked why they were fighting in the first place.
The Guardian and the Dracolich both stopped and got married.
The Cleric was the priest and they were prenounced man and wife.
And that kids is how dragon babies are born... the good kind...
Comments
1
"We killed the dragon! We killed the Dragon! We ... we're never going to have girlfriends, are we?"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
2
A warrior comes home very drunk from the pub with a Duck under his arm, his wife answers the door "what's this?"
- The warrior replies "this is the dragon i've been shaggin'"
- The angry wife shouts "That is not a Dragon that is a duck!"
- The warrior looks at her and says "I was talking to the duck!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
3
What do you call 1000 gnomes at the bottom of the ocean?
- Littering
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
4
A Pirate walks into a bar with the ship's wheel in his breeches.
Bartender: "Sir, did you know that there is a steering wheel in your pants?"
Pirate: "Aye. It's drivin' m e nuts!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
5
A human, an elf, and a dwarf are all contracted to build a palace for the great Sultan of the Efreet. Unfortunately, the massive dome collapses and the efreet's harem is crushed to death. Furious, the Sultan orders all three to be executed by beheading.
The human is dragged by the efreet's servants to a massive obsidian guillotine. His head is locked in the stocks and they pull the lever. The obsidian blade drops -- and then stops halfway, apparently stuck. The Sultan says "It is the will of Imix that you be live, so you shall be set free."
Next the elf is dragged to the guillotine. His head is locked in the stocks and they pull the lever. The obsidian blade drops -- and then stops halfway, apparently stuck. The Sultan says "It is the will of Imix that you be live, so you shall be set free."
Finally, the dwarf is dragged to the guillotine. Just before his head is about to be locked in the stocks he looks up and says,
"Ach. I see the problem!"
- Captain Obvious.
"*COUGH COUGH* Congra...Congra...COUGH COUGH, Congratulations! You will bear witness.. *COUGH*... You will...*COUGH*
The rogue interjects and asks "I'm sorry, what are you?? are you ok??"
To which the beast replied "Yes, Mortal, my apologies.. I am the Heavy Inferno Nightmare. And I'm sorry, I'm a little hoarse."
The rogue rolls for initiative.
A. A quickling with a can opener.
A. False Advertising.
So much so, you just want to taste it.
He finds Neverwinter and starts playing as a cleric.
This boy really likes this game so he decides to buy D&D the board game from his local hobby store.
Five hours later he returns to the store and put the game on the counter and said "I would like to return this."
A stranger that was in the store said " you didn't like the character setup?"
boy: "no"
stranger: "was it to difficult?"
boy: "no"
stranger: "then whats the problem?"
boy: "I didn't like the other players"
King: You are not permitted to speak to me.
*Action* Naked man on a bear jumps across the background.
What do you do if you see a halfling drowning? You gently lift him out of the puddle on the side of the road... hehe
Knock-knock
Who's there?
Knock-Knock!
Whose there?
KNOCK-KNOCK THUD CRASH {screams of horror} GROWL SLICE THUD ROAR {death-rattle}
After a bunch of testosterone filled jokes, and insults, they decide to measure and see who's is biggest after all, by hanging their sword over the edge of the building, measuring by how many stories down.
The TR hangs his little dagger over the edge and says "Yeah 2 stories down!"
The GF hangs his sword over the edge and says '"Yeah 5 stories down"
The GWF proudly unsheathes his sword and drops it over, shortly after he starts swinging his hips, and rotating and gyrating around...
Finally the TR says "Man, what are you doing?"
GWF says "Dodging the mounts(cars)!"
Hahaha.
moments later someone invited... "Snap at last they need a GWF in CN."
Few seconds party leader look what he invited and see I am a GWF.
"Meh, we dont need GWF , We need another CW, it takes time to be with you on party."
"Okay I get it. I am GWF, Big dude with 2h sword use for running, not glitching."
Elf Wizard: "That must be heavy for him to carry"
A liar. :rolleyes:
Suddenly, a magic portal to the Abyss appears. A dark, sinister, booming voice echoes from it :
"Mortals! Speak the truth, and be on thy way! Speak a lie, and ye shall suffer the torments of the deepest pits of the Abyss!"
The dwarf stepped up and said : "I believe I'm the stubbornest."
"You may pass, stunted one. Thy answer rings true."
The elf stepped up and said : "I'm quite sure I'm the swiftest."
"You live, for now, feyling. Thy answer, 'tis true."
And finally, the orc stepped up : "Me thinks.."
Suddenly, the portal sucked him in, to be the plaything for demons for all eternity.
First round:
Orc slams an Ale and burps = 6 points
Pulls down his pants and farts = 1 extra point
Poor sap slams an Ale and burps = 6 points
Pulls down his pants and....
Half-orc -- ugg - I Blocked the extra point!!
No one loves a control freak!
-Why do you monks always answer a question with a question ?
-Why do you ask? - replies the monk
Everyday he invoked the gods, slayed powerfull foes and forced lowly mercinaries to do his bidding.
All to gain experience and to climb the ladder of life.
But even after reaching 60 he was Still a halfling, half a man.
He was depressed and spent his days jumping the same space in Protectors Enclave, speaking truths and screaming for justice.
This went on for months...Until finally... One day.... The local Zen Market offered him a way out... A way to glory! A way to become a whole man, a tall man! A Fullling!
Unfortunately the glorious boon had a flaw... So after spending all his well-earned Zen on the illusive "Race Change Token" he is now....
a Dwarf.
The bartender hands him a shot of good ol'fashioned moonshine and the Bard hands over his trumpet.
The dwarf looks at the bartender and says; "Thank you lad! That be just fine!"
Then he turns towards the bard and says; "What is this!? I want a Strumpet not a trumpet!"
The bard retracts his offer and shrugs his shoulders.
Server: Aquarius EAST
Induction ID: 4270193G090405038000750S3f8fb2
We don't need no stinking light bulbs :P
No arms.
A dwarf passed by a free-ale tavern
Then the Cleric stops healing the Guardian, when the guardian asked her why she stopped she asked why they were fighting in the first place.
The Guardian and the Dracolich both stopped and got married.
The Cleric was the priest and they were prenounced man and wife.
And that kids is how dragon babies are born... the good kind...