This is a snippet from a quest text from my foundy project. It's the start of a conversation between a talking pig, and you.
Your lines are bolded
(‘Oijnk! Where’d you come from?’)
‘What the I]Oijnk[/I?! A human, materialising right in front of my eyes? I’m going mad!’ ‘You’re going mad? You’re a talking pig!’
‘Yeah, what of it? I’ll have you know my diction is flawless. “Two tiefling thieves, tried to test their luck. They scoured through throngs, and laugher and songs, to take for themselves a few bucks.” See?’ ‘That wasn’t what I—’
‘Words can hurt you know. I]Oijnk..[/I Anyway, your bed is gone.’ ‘My bed?’
(The Pig continues to read the poem)
‘"Together, they thought, thiefing was fun; parting them would be a crime! Through tiring tests, they proved who’s the best, and both now live on through this rhyme.’"
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zaneyzeianneMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 7Arc User
edited May 2013
How many Devs does it take to change a light bulb?
None, it's working as intended.
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theairockstarMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
A guardian fighter & a cleric are fighting side by side. The Guardian fighter fighting to keep the mobs on him. All of the mobs decide to attack the healer after he casts astral shield the cleric dies and the mob of monsters continues to attack his corpse while the guardian fighter stomps.
A common scene in a Neverwinter bar: it's filled almost to overflowing with the downtrodden, as the patrons all talk about the hardships of living in Neverwinter and trying to rebuild it amidst the evils that seem to permeate every part of the city. Suddenly, someone yells "Everyone, RUN! Hogun the horrible is coming, and he only needs 2 more XP to make it to level 47!"
Ok so there is a GF, a CW, a cleric and a half-elf TR that go adventuring in a cave. They get to the cave trying to decide how to approach it. The TR gets board and yells out "Hello!!! Any one home??" Then high tails it the other way as a horde of goblins come at the group. Laughing as she runs away she calls back at the group" Trick is on you!"
(Yes when I first started playing pen and paper D&D, I had a half-elf rogue that did this to the group.)
What is an adventurers' favourite type of music? ...Lute Music
How do you know if a Tiefling is happy to see you? ... He wags his tail
Why did the party fail their maths exam? ... They couldn't deal with the adds
Buddhist players always seem to have the most Zen
My Teifling is a tailor but he can't make anything to cover his tail
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derrigMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
On a party adventure..
The Rogue turns to his party on seeing something the rest did not, and says "Guys whats big and round, floats, has one massive eye and many eyes on little tentacles?"
The wizard replies "A Beholder, why?"
"No reason" answers the rogue and legs it, to the sound of mayhem behind him.
maxgiovanniMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
"Rebles have overtaken Blacklake, the Tower District is teaming with orcs, necromancers are raising the dead in Neverdeath, and the chasm is full of demons."
"Most folk would call that a disaster. Those of us called to Adventure call it Tuesday..."
How many Wizards does it take to light a torch?
1
How many Savages does it take?
2 – One to hold the wizard while the other beats him till he casts a flame spell.
Bonus – How many Rogues does it take? Just one but a Cleric needs to be close by to Rez…
"Line" for picking up female Dungeons & Dragons players/fans: Excuse me paramour, it might just be some sort of enchantment which eludes my senses, but your hotness is starting to overcome my fire resistance!:p:rolleyes:
Have you seen that gorgeous female orc?
...
Neither have I!
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kelathMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
Beautiful lady walked to a wizard and told him "Is that wand in your pocket or are you happy to see me?"
The servers went down for maintenance before wizard could respond.
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pureknight3Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
Two horses want to race and see who is fastest
They ask a direwolf to be the judge
So the horses race and the direwolf says that the black horse won by a nose
The white horse wants to race again seeing as he was so close to winning
So they race again and this time the direwolf says the white horse won by just a nose.
Of course now they need to do a tie breaker race
They both take off and run as fast as they can and the direwolf says that the black horse just barely won again
The horses thank the direwolf and the white horse says "Thanks for judging but I didn't think direwolves could talk .
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kelathMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
Did you hear about that Dwarf barbarian? He had short temper.
A Cleric and a Jamaican Paladin are stuck at sea in a canoe.
Cleric "how come im the only one using these dam ores?"
Jamaican Paladin "Cause I dont like paddling and I am staring at the bottom of the sea!"
Cleric "If you don't start "Paladin" these ores your gonna be "Jamaican" your way to the bottom of the sea!
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kelathMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
You know your ranger isn't brightest when he jumps into a lake for a swim in his armour, rolls 1, almost drowns, and first thing he does when his allies rescue him, is that he jumps into the lake again in his armour.
There once was a half-orc named Marming
Whose manners were much less than charming.
He attacked an elf city
Where the girls are so pretty
And left without doing much harming.
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deiserMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
What did the guard say to the deadbeat undead still living in his parents basement?
Comments
Your lines are bolded
(‘Oijnk! Where’d you come from?’)
‘What the I]Oijnk[/I?! A human, materialising right in front of my eyes? I’m going mad!’
‘You’re going mad? You’re a talking pig!’
‘Yeah, what of it? I’ll have you know my diction is flawless. “Two tiefling thieves, tried to test their luck. They scoured through throngs, and laugher and songs, to take for themselves a few bucks.” See?’
‘That wasn’t what I—’
‘Words can hurt you know. I]Oijnk..[/I Anyway, your bed is gone.’
‘My bed?’
(The Pig continues to read the poem)
‘"Together, they thought, thiefing was fun; parting them would be a crime! Through tiring tests, they proved who’s the best, and both now live on through this rhyme.’"
None, it's working as intended.
(Yes when I first started playing pen and paper D&D, I had a half-elf rogue that did this to the group.)
How do you know if a Tiefling is happy to see you? ... He wags his tail
Why did the party fail their maths exam? ... They couldn't deal with the adds
Buddhist players always seem to have the most Zen
My Teifling is a tailor but he can't make anything to cover his tail
The Rogue turns to his party on seeing something the rest did not, and says "Guys whats big and round, floats, has one massive eye and many eyes on little tentacles?"
The wizard replies "A Beholder, why?"
"No reason" answers the rogue and legs it, to the sound of mayhem behind him.
"How does Sergeant Knox look at two adventurers standing in front of him?"
"He turns."
"Sounds exhausting."
How does it smell?
"terrible"
"Most folk would call that a disaster. Those of us called to Adventure call it Tuesday..."
1
How many Savages does it take?
2 – One to hold the wizard while the other beats him till he casts a flame spell.
Bonus – How many Rogues does it take? Just one but a Cleric needs to be close by to Rez…
Depends on how many fail their INT check.
...
Neither have I!
The servers went down for maintenance before wizard could respond.
They ask a direwolf to be the judge
So the horses race and the direwolf says that the black horse won by a nose
The white horse wants to race again seeing as he was so close to winning
So they race again and this time the direwolf says the white horse won by just a nose.
Of course now they need to do a tie breaker race
They both take off and run as fast as they can and the direwolf says that the black horse just barely won again
The horses thank the direwolf and the white horse says "Thanks for judging but I didn't think direwolves could talk .
The standard party consists of 1d4 + 1 people, pretending to like each other long enough to start drama over loot
Cleric "how come im the only one using these dam ores?"
Jamaican Paladin "Cause I dont like paddling and I am staring at the bottom of the sea!"
Cleric "If you don't start "Paladin" these ores your gonna be "Jamaican" your way to the bottom of the sea!
(Yes this happened to me and I was the ranger)
The beholder! The rock golem is set in stone but the beholder can look at it from multiple angles.
An original from me!
Whose manners were much less than charming.
He attacked an elf city
Where the girls are so pretty
And left without doing much harming.
"Stop lich-ing off your parents".