If to compare it with anything: it's like having a dark elf wife. No matter the situation Ye always need a sharp weapon in hand and steel-hard 'assets' in pants... or Ye shall be doomed.
"You stand as inspiration. You are practically the Avatar of Buttkicking." -Quote towards Minsc "I choose You Jymaru!" ~for there are times when more than words need to do the talk
a dwarf challanged a tiefling, an elf, a halfling, an orc and a human to a drinking contest. The elf didnt touch the beer and the halfling drank half of the beer. The orc drank the beer faster than the human. The dwarf had drank the beer faster than everyone else. Then the dwarf asked the tiefling: " where's your beer?" and the tiefling said: "i stole it."
What's the difference between a Dwarf in an ore shaft and an Ogre in a fancy restaurant?
-One delves in his wells for iron, one dwells on his elves a'fryin'.
-One bores for the Dwarf's ore, one's bored with the hors d'oeuvres.
-One knows his picks, the other picks his nose.
It was all good and nice once the thing was whether girl had big or small <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font>. But now they demand girls to have a specific size of horns as well! How can a normal girl accept such thing?!
"You stand as inspiration. You are practically the Avatar of Buttkicking." -Quote towards Minsc "I choose You Jymaru!" ~for there are times when more than words need to do the talk
Bit weird, isn't it? My accountant can't heal wounds? ...Says on her resume; well-versed in 'clerical' duties.
If Dwarves have such high constitution, why's Sneezy's immune system so bad?
What's got 2 legs and bleeds a lot? A Half Orc.
How busy are you? I'm busier than a one legged Dryder river dancing in a stage show in Menzoberranzan.
Why do Halflings have to show their birth certificate at Neverwinter Taverns? Because Human children in Faerun exploit any avenue to get munted.
Drizzt Do'Urden walks into a bar, with his panther... Both have a few drinks, the panther passes out on the ground. Drizzt staggers off and the barman says "Oi, you can't leave that lyin' there!" Drizzt says "Nah.. It's not a Lion... It's a Panther."
What did the Dwarf say to the Tiefling Philanthropist? Who knows... but I bet he said it with a Scottish accent.
The Underdark has gotten sooo much better since my last trip down there. Well, let's face it... Couldn't get any bloody worse!
Apparently an atomic bomb was dropped on Damara... About 3 gold 9 copper worth of damage...
Why are Mindflayer's so good at brainwashing people? Because with a face like that, charm and charisma just isn't going to cut it.
Three near sighted Dwarves walk into a bar... you'd think one of them would have seen it.
The teacher asked the Elf student if he was paying attention, he said "I'm all ears."
Wizards in Neverwinter seem to be down-sizing... Yeah, apparently they've lost their staff.
That level one character is so poor, if you see him walking down the road with one boot on and ask "Did you lose your boot?" he'll say "No, I found one."
A Tavern girl said to a Dwarf "Would you care for an Ale?" The Dwarf said "...Only if it needed me to."
My Grandmother is so old, she tells Treants to keep it down.
What do you do when you come across a wounded Orc with two arrows in it's chest? - Aim and shoot again.
How do you confuse a Halfling? Hold out a Shovel, a Pitch-fork and a Rake and tell him to take his pick.
What's the difference between Dwarves and Men? About 2 feet.
How do you confuse a Half-Orc? Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.
What do you call a Kobold in a refuse encrusted piece of pipe? A first home buyer. What do you call a Kobold with a system of refuse encrusted pipes? A real estate agent.
I was in a paper based Dungeons and Dragons Tavern once... Until the wind blew it down.
0
daxxramasMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
There once was was a rogue named Dave
He wandered all 'round the enclave
His eye on every pocket
Dreamed of filling all his sockets
But the lag kept all the gold safe.
I can imagine the moment when I'll get access to their VIP section. Unfortunately each time I imagine that I ought to be bald, weary, cranky and over 200 years old... so there is no fun thing for me left to do there. 'Elites' and money involved are a scary thing I would say.
Dwarven Friends
I love my dwarven friends.
They work for 70% of their time - so they don't nag me.
They drink for 30% of their time - so I have someone to drink with.
Also there is a bonus which is even better than all I've mentioned! Each time they get drunk they tend to forget their money purses. Get one dwarven friend and Ye could live by that. Get five dwarven friends and Ye shall be a wealthy person. Get twenty dwarven friends and Ye could found an own city! I really need more dwarven friends.
"You stand as inspiration. You are practically the Avatar of Buttkicking." -Quote towards Minsc "I choose You Jymaru!" ~for there are times when more than words need to do the talk
A warrior comes home very drunk from the pub with a Duck under his arm, his wife answers the door "what's this?" The warrior replies "this is the dragon i've been shaggin'" The angry wife shouts "That is not a Dragon that is a duck" The warrior looks at her and says "I was talking to the duck!!!!!!!!!":eek:
An Elf Rogue and a tiefling Control Wizard go to farm in Vellosk. After farming, they set up camp, make a personal altar and a fire to cook some game. After eating and drinking experimental potions for a while they decide to go to sleep.
Eventually the rogue wakes up and nudges his wise friend.."Hey, Alarius, look up at the sky and tell me what do you see".
The tiefling rumbles and mumbles, wakes up, and starts to think with his wise oversized CW brain...and says..
Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of shards and potentially billions of instances...
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three, server time..
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a pretty nasty rainy day tomorrow..
Theologically, I can see that Selune governs one of the most beautifull things in the universe, the night...
"But what does it tell you, Rashid ?"
The rogue stays still, almost going stealth..
"Alarius, you idiot ! Someone has stolen our tent !"
"You stand as inspiration. You are practically the Avatar of Buttkicking." -Quote towards Minsc "I choose You Jymaru!" ~for there are times when more than words need to do the talk
0
mamagrimlockMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
Q: What sound does a dwarf make falling down the stairs?
A: CLANGEDDIN clangeddin CLANGEDDIN clangeddin CLANGEDDIN clangeddin CLANGEDDIN clangeddin
_____________________________________________________________________________________
A halfling scholar travels to Candlekeep and asks a scribe, "Do you have any books on irony?" The scribe replies, "Indeed we do. They're on the top shelf."
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Two priests of Amaunator, Brother Septimus and Brother Haveron, got into an argument over a difference in theological interpretation. They had never gotten along, and within a few minutes the argument had turned into a fight. They started out exchanging punches but soon they each had a weapon in hand. Just then, the Righteous Potentate comes into the room and says "Brothers, stop this at once; this fight is pointless." "It better be," said Brother Septimus, "We're both Clerics."
Lord Neverwinter was holding his weekly game of trivia.
He was always bombarded by a fan base that LOVED games, mazes, and trivia. So, every week he held this highly publicized game in the town square, wherein the audience was able to judge - making or breaking the gaming futures of its 2 or 3 contestants. This particular week was seeing the tail end of a 13 week run by current Champion, Control Wizard Bob. Bob had literally made the all of the previous weeks' questions look easy as he blew through the competition with ease.
For the Final and record setting 13th week question - Lord Neverwinter gave Bob the break down on his upcoming last question - expected to be worth a record setting 100 Million Astral Diamonds. Bob would be given a 2 part question, and since he was the reigning champion, he would be able to chose which part he wanted to start with. Each part of the question, once given, was final and could continue on to the next part, or halt the efforts of Bob entirely. If Bob failed in either part, it was over and Bob would lose all he had earned to this point.
Lord Neverwinter went ahead and prepared Bob by letting him know that test subjects found the 2nd part of two-part questions to be the easier of the two, but it was his choice.
. . .As the crowd waited with eager anticipation . . .
Bob made his choice, playing it conservatively and safe: to start with the 2nd part of the question first.
Lord Neverwinter calmly exclaimed, "Very good, Master Bob."
Continuing, Lord Neverwinter stated the question, "In what year was that?"
What Evil Fears
It is not like an Evil as an entity ought to fear one and a single thing. It tends to change with the time and the results of those changes ought to be amusing. There was a time when Evil's greatest fear was 7-feet-tall, bald man with broad sword in hands and mysterious hamster over a shoulder. I heard that even now some foul gods tremble in fear hearing a hamster's squeak or that their faces start to ache as if recalling being kicked fiercely with a big boot.
"You stand as inspiration. You are practically the Avatar of Buttkicking." -Quote towards Minsc "I choose You Jymaru!" ~for there are times when more than words need to do the talk
Okay, I probably won't win so here's my second entry:
A giant spider walks into a bar, and the bartender says: "Hey, didn't you read the sign? No pets allowed!"
The spider then proceeded to devour the bartender's face.
A Devoted Cleric and a healer are talking in a bar.
Healer: Don't you just hate tanks? Devoted Cleric: I sure hate those Guardian Fighters! Healer: I mean, don't you realllllly hate tanks? DC: I hear ya! Healer: Those stupid tanks lose aggro all the time. DC: Keep on preaching! Healer: I mean, they lose aggro, and then we wipe. DC: ... Healer: Then there's that whole repair cost that annoys me. DC: ... Healer: What? What did I say? DC: ... Healer: Ok, hot shot, so how do YOU handle it? DC: I just pop Astral Shield, Daunting Light, and Flame Strike; I then pick up the loot, and bring that silly Guardian Fighter back to life.. Healer: So where's that Devoted Cleric seminar you were telling me about so I can go learn how to do that?
An elf and a dwarf are eating in a restaurant. The waiter comes up to take their order. The dwarf says "I'll have a mug of dwarfish ale and a steak". The waiter replies
"And for the vegetable?"
"He'll have a steak too.
0
ironzerg79Member, Neverwinter Moderator, NW M9 PlaytestPosts: 4,942Arc User
edited May 2013
Why do Minotaurs make terrible merchants? Because they charge too much.
<DM> "The dragon stands before you and roars, it's deafening voice reverberating throughout the cavern. What do you do?"
<Warrior> "I stand unfazed, and ready my sword for battle!"
<Cleric> "I whisper a prayer to my God and wield my faith as a shield!"
<My Rogue> "I look around for dragon droppings and begin to rub them into my hair and clothes."
<DM> "What?!? Why in the blazes would you do that?!?!"
<My Rogue> "Hey, look. I might have to get eaten, but nothing says that I have to taste good too."
And thus, the first recorded set of "Poo Armor" was born.
0
ironzerg79Member, Neverwinter Moderator, NW M9 PlaytestPosts: 4,942Arc User
edited May 2013
What do you call 10,000 gnomes trapped in the Plane of Elemental Fire? A good start.
A fighter, a cleric and a wizard have been lost in the dungeon for days. They are out of food, they are out of water and they are pretty beat up. Then one of them steps on a switch and they hear a bell ring. Suddenly every creature in the dungeon comes pouring down the hall at them. They rush into the room ahead and find a wishing stone with three wishes in it. Overjoyed the Wizard quickly says I wish I was back in my tower with all the books of magic from this cursed dungeon with me to study! Poof. The wizard is gone. The cleric hurries up and says I wish I was back in the temple with all the holy relics from this cursed dungeon with me to study! Poof, he is gone too. The fighter steps up and is torn, does he want to be home with all the magic armor from the dungeon, or all the magic weapons? Dang, he says, I can't make up my mind, I wish the wizard and cleric were here to help me decide....
Comments
Being a Rouge
If to compare it with anything: it's like having a dark elf wife. No matter the situation Ye always need a sharp weapon in hand and steel-hard 'assets' in pants... or Ye shall be doomed.
WELCOME TO MY ART CORNER!
"I choose You Jymaru!" ~for there are times when more than words need to do the talk
... they eyeballed it.
So, They grab few stuff, get onto the roof, and there, just across a narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the village...
Stretching away in the moonlight, Stretching away to freedom.
The first guys jumps across the gap with ease, But his friend wont jump across, He was afraid of falling..
so the first guy had an idea... He pulls out a shiny mirror, then uses it to reflect the moonlight across the gap of the buildings..
then says "go ahead! you can cross that beam of light and join me!"
But the second guy just shakes his head...He says "WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM? INSANE?!!!" ..."YOU'D DROP THE MIRROR WHEN I WAS HALFWAY ACROSS!"
-One delves in his wells for iron, one dwells on his elves a'fryin'.
-One bores for the Dwarf's ore, one's bored with the hors d'oeuvres.
-One knows his picks, the other picks his nose.
Men Demands
It was all good and nice once the thing was whether girl had big or small <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font>. But now they demand girls to have a specific size of horns as well! How can a normal girl accept such thing?!
WELCOME TO MY ART CORNER!
"I choose You Jymaru!" ~for there are times when more than words need to do the talk
What tells one beholder who collide with another beholder ?
****! u're Blind?!
How many barbarians are needed to change the oil of a lamp?
Oil? What I drank was oil?
How many rogues are needed to change the oil of a lamp?
lamp? Ooops! Where is the lamp?!
The Elf shoves the beer away in distain.
The Human flicks the fly away and drinks the beer.
The Dwarf picks the fly up by the wings, holding it over his glass and screams, "Spit it all out you little *******!"
If Dwarves have such high constitution, why's Sneezy's immune system so bad?
What's got 2 legs and bleeds a lot? A Half Orc.
How busy are you? I'm busier than a one legged Dryder river dancing in a stage show in Menzoberranzan.
Why do Halflings have to show their birth certificate at Neverwinter Taverns? Because Human children in Faerun exploit any avenue to get munted.
Drizzt Do'Urden walks into a bar, with his panther... Both have a few drinks, the panther passes out on the ground. Drizzt staggers off and the barman says "Oi, you can't leave that lyin' there!" Drizzt says "Nah.. It's not a Lion... It's a Panther."
What did the Dwarf say to the Tiefling Philanthropist? Who knows... but I bet he said it with a Scottish accent.
The Underdark has gotten sooo much better since my last trip down there. Well, let's face it... Couldn't get any bloody worse!
Apparently an atomic bomb was dropped on Damara... About 3 gold 9 copper worth of damage...
Why are Mindflayer's so good at brainwashing people? Because with a face like that, charm and charisma just isn't going to cut it.
Three near sighted Dwarves walk into a bar... you'd think one of them would have seen it.
The teacher asked the Elf student if he was paying attention, he said "I'm all ears."
Wizards in Neverwinter seem to be down-sizing... Yeah, apparently they've lost their staff.
That level one character is so poor, if you see him walking down the road with one boot on and ask "Did you lose your boot?" he'll say "No, I found one."
A Tavern girl said to a Dwarf "Would you care for an Ale?" The Dwarf said "...Only if it needed me to."
My Grandmother is so old, she tells Treants to keep it down.
What do you do when you come across a wounded Orc with two arrows in it's chest? - Aim and shoot again.
How do you confuse a Halfling? Hold out a Shovel, a Pitch-fork and a Rake and tell him to take his pick.
What's the difference between Dwarves and Men? About 2 feet.
How do you confuse a Half-Orc? Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.
What do you call a Kobold in a refuse encrusted piece of pipe? A first home buyer. What do you call a Kobold with a system of refuse encrusted pipes? A real estate agent.
I was in a paper based Dungeons and Dragons Tavern once... Until the wind blew it down.
He wandered all 'round the enclave
His eye on every pocket
Dreamed of filling all his sockets
But the lag kept all the gold safe.
-An Ode to City Rogues
Moonstone Mask
I can imagine the moment when I'll get access to their VIP section. Unfortunately each time I imagine that I ought to be bald, weary, cranky and over 200 years old... so there is no fun thing for me left to do there. 'Elites' and money involved are a scary thing I would say.
Dwarven Friends
I love my dwarven friends.
They work for 70% of their time - so they don't nag me.
They drink for 30% of their time - so I have someone to drink with.
Also there is a bonus which is even better than all I've mentioned! Each time they get drunk they tend to forget their money purses. Get one dwarven friend and Ye could live by that. Get five dwarven friends and Ye shall be a wealthy person. Get twenty dwarven friends and Ye could found an own city! I really need more dwarven friends.
WELCOME TO MY ART CORNER!
"I choose You Jymaru!" ~for there are times when more than words need to do the talk
Eventually the rogue wakes up and nudges his wise friend.."Hey, Alarius, look up at the sky and tell me what do you see".
The tiefling rumbles and mumbles, wakes up, and starts to think with his wise oversized CW brain...and says..
Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of shards and potentially billions of instances...
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three, server time..
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a pretty nasty rainy day tomorrow..
Theologically, I can see that Selune governs one of the most beautifull things in the universe, the night...
"But what does it tell you, Rashid ?"
The rogue stays still, almost going stealth..
"Alarius, you idiot ! Someone has stolen our tent !"
Problems
I think that a good sword can solve all problems. If it does not seem to solve them: USE BIGGER SWORD!!!
WELCOME TO MY ART CORNER!
"I choose You Jymaru!" ~for there are times when more than words need to do the talk
A: CLANGEDDIN clangeddin CLANGEDDIN clangeddin CLANGEDDIN clangeddin CLANGEDDIN clangeddin
_____________________________________________________________________________________
A halfling scholar travels to Candlekeep and asks a scribe, "Do you have any books on irony?" The scribe replies, "Indeed we do. They're on the top shelf."
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Two priests of Amaunator, Brother Septimus and Brother Haveron, got into an argument over a difference in theological interpretation. They had never gotten along, and within a few minutes the argument had turned into a fight. They started out exchanging punches but soon they each had a weapon in hand. Just then, the Righteous Potentate comes into the room and says "Brothers, stop this at once; this fight is pointless." "It better be," said Brother Septimus, "We're both Clerics."
He was always bombarded by a fan base that LOVED games, mazes, and trivia. So, every week he held this highly publicized game in the town square, wherein the audience was able to judge - making or breaking the gaming futures of its 2 or 3 contestants. This particular week was seeing the tail end of a 13 week run by current Champion, Control Wizard Bob. Bob had literally made the all of the previous weeks' questions look easy as he blew through the competition with ease.
For the Final and record setting 13th week question - Lord Neverwinter gave Bob the break down on his upcoming last question - expected to be worth a record setting 100 Million Astral Diamonds. Bob would be given a 2 part question, and since he was the reigning champion, he would be able to chose which part he wanted to start with. Each part of the question, once given, was final and could continue on to the next part, or halt the efforts of Bob entirely. If Bob failed in either part, it was over and Bob would lose all he had earned to this point.
Lord Neverwinter went ahead and prepared Bob by letting him know that test subjects found the 2nd part of two-part questions to be the easier of the two, but it was his choice.
. . .As the crowd waited with eager anticipation . . .
Bob made his choice, playing it conservatively and safe: to start with the 2nd part of the question first.
Lord Neverwinter calmly exclaimed, "Very good, Master Bob."
Continuing, Lord Neverwinter stated the question, "In what year was that?"
Private Wilfred
It makes a sound like
THUMP!
What Evil Fears
It is not like an Evil as an entity ought to fear one and a single thing. It tends to change with the time and the results of those changes ought to be amusing. There was a time when Evil's greatest fear was 7-feet-tall, bald man with broad sword in hands and mysterious hamster over a shoulder. I heard that even now some foul gods tremble in fear hearing a hamster's squeak or that their faces start to ache as if recalling being kicked fiercely with a big boot.
WELCOME TO MY ART CORNER!
"I choose You Jymaru!" ~for there are times when more than words need to do the talk
A giant spider walks into a bar, and the bartender says: "Hey, didn't you read the sign? No pets allowed!"
The spider then proceeded to devour the bartender's face.
Healer: Don't you just hate tanks?
Devoted Cleric: I sure hate those Guardian Fighters!
Healer: I mean, don't you realllllly hate tanks?
DC: I hear ya!
Healer: Those stupid tanks lose aggro all the time.
DC: Keep on preaching!
Healer: I mean, they lose aggro, and then we wipe.
DC: ...
Healer: Then there's that whole repair cost that annoys me.
DC: ...
Healer: What? What did I say?
DC: ...
Healer: Ok, hot shot, so how do YOU handle it?
DC: I just pop Astral Shield, Daunting Light, and Flame Strike; I then pick up the loot, and bring that silly Guardian Fighter back to life..
Healer: So where's that Devoted Cleric seminar you were telling me about so I can go learn how to do that?
The Neverwinter!
"And for the vegetable?"
"He'll have a steak too.
<DM> "The dragon stands before you and roars, it's deafening voice reverberating throughout the cavern. What do you do?"
<Warrior> "I stand unfazed, and ready my sword for battle!"
<Cleric> "I whisper a prayer to my God and wield my faith as a shield!"
<My Rogue> "I look around for dragon droppings and begin to rub them into my hair and clothes."
<DM> "What?!? Why in the blazes would you do that?!?!"
<My Rogue> "Hey, look. I might have to get eaten, but nothing says that I have to taste good too."
And thus, the first recorded set of "Poo Armor" was born.