Here we are... I admit this is probably my least favorite episode because of the first few maps- I've never been able to get the redesign working the way I want it to.
Title: [DL-3/5] Time's Favour Turns NOTE: The "our" is Canadian spelling Author:@Gromio Minimum Level: 51+ Faction: Starfleet or Fed-Rom Project ID: ST-HUYA49NJQ Door: Ancaris Arm Beta Quadrant Estimated Length: 30-45 minutes
Description:
Dark Legacies Part Three
A reunifacationist colony has been stricken with a plague. Responding to their plea for help, you uncover a deeper and more sinister plot has been covered up. A plot that means to undermine everything you have fought for.
Your enemies return to strike back at you with a terrifying weapon that may be you undoing.
Why do I still play and put money into STO?
The Foundry, and my love of Star Trek
Here we are... I admit this is probably my least favorite episode because of the first few maps- I've never been able to get the redesign working the way I want it to.
Title: [DL-3/5] Time's Favour Turns NOTE: The "our" is Canadian spelling Author:@Gromio Minimum Level: 51+ Faction: Starfleet or Fed-Rom Project ID: ST-HUYA49NJQ Door: Ancaris Arm Beta Quadrant Estimated Length: 30-45 minutes
Description:
Dark Legacies Part Three
A reunifacationist colony has been stricken with a plague. Responding to their plea for help, you uncover a deeper and more sinister plot has been covered up. A plot that means to undermine everything you have fought for.
Your enemies return to strike back at you with a terrifying weapon that may be you undoing.
Zionus0.
Thanks for specifics of the mission. No worries, I recognize other English forms in the creation of dialogue for these missions. Your mission is currently 5th in the queue behind duncanidaho. I will review this mission as soon as I can.
I've just gotten my foundry mission working again after more than a year of it being down. It was originally a single, giant campaign of nearly 3-hours in duration (far too long). I have since broken it up into several smaller episodes for convenience, but still consider it all to be a single story. If you'd be kind enough to give each part a review, I believe it would be a good help in improving both the quality and exposure of the missions.
Mission Names:
Picking Up The Pieces [Part:1]
Picking Up The Pieces [Part:2]
Picking Up The Pieces [Part:3]
Author: Solastrius
Minimum Level: 31+ or above
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID's:
ST-HMJCL5JHK
ST-HATMUG78N
ST-HTGR4TIXI
Mission lengths are estimated at roughly 45 minutes each...
Federation Mission - Picking Up The Pieces [Part:3]
Author: Solastrius
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HTGR4TIXI
Report Start
Summary: This is a good standard operations mission overall. The map designs are excellent, the battles are tough but fun and the story dialogue is very well written. There were elements that felt like a classic TOS mission. This one was longer than you projected but still fun. I would recommend this mission and the series to players that like standard operations missions with some combat and a good story in them.
As I pointed out below, on a couple of the maps there are tasks that I feel could be reduced or eliminated altogether. These recommendations would reduce some repetitive and tedious tasks that really do not contribute to the story. That would make this an even better mission and series. I mention below the incorrect usage in the dialogue where capitalization of "I" is not used. This may be a minor issue but is a point of detail that needs to be addressed. As I mentioned before in previous reports the use of "Continue" is excessive as well and needs to be addressed in the entire series.
One last thing is the use of proper capitalization of races and factions in the dialogue. There are several places in the dialogue where Federation is not properly capitalized. There was a lesser degree of this problem with Romulan. This would also apply to the race you created for this series known as Siftonians. I would recommend going through the dialogue of the entire mission and series to ensure they are properly addressed.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: The description needs to be more about the story as it fits into the series. It appears to be the same write up across the series. You need to write so that it draws the player in and makes them want to click 'Hail'. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "a rogue faction of romulan soldiers" to read "a rogue faction of Romulan soldiers".
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant mission dialogue. Consider writing a little more of the back story up to this point into dialogue. It will help draw the player in and make them want to click 'Accept'. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: The initial task is well written. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
MAPS: Escort Route: This is a good map design with balanced battles and well written story dialogue. The cargo ships proceeding from waypoint to waypoint was very well done. It felt like I was really escorting them. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" is excessive. From this point forward I will note the maps where this is a problem. I will not cover it in more detail in the summary above since I did that in my last report on Part 2.
Midlani Clutch Station: This is a nice map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" is excessive.
-The initial dialogue, consider changing "station bear federation markings" to read "station bear Federation markings".
-Consider changing "Secretery Gwee" to read "Secretary Gwee".
-The Secretery Gwee dialogue, consider changing "i'm afraid our shuttles" to read "I'm afraid our shuttles".
-Consider changing "store surplus equipment and personell" to read "store surplus equipment and personnel".
-Consider removing the task for the player to fly to each outpost to find out what they need. It is a tedious and unnecessary task. Have the player fly to pick up the supplies instead and deliver them to the outposts.
Midlani Station Interior: This is an excellent map design with well written story dialogue. Some of the wandering NPCs are interesting, for example the racing children are a nice background touch. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The station is nicely designed and built but due to the spread out nature of the locations consider adding dialogue to the various security personnel on locations of different places. There are blind halls that seem to serve no purpose.
- Some of the tasks seem unnecessarily convoluted. Consider reducing some of the more repetitive tasks on this map.
-The use of the response button "Continue" is excessive.
-The Administrator Noj dialogue, consider changing "bringing you into our houses" to read "bringing you into our homes".
-Consider changing "i'd like to ask of you a favor" to read "I'd like to ask of you a favor".
-There are several dialogue windows on this map that contain incorrect capitalization of "I" in the dialogue. Due to the number of instances from this point forward I will only indicate maps that need to be checked for this issue. It is up to you to go over all the dialogue to correct this issue.
-Consider changing "grant the federation new" to read "grant the Federation new". Due to the number of instances from this point forward I will only indicate maps that need to be checked for this issue. It is up to you to go over all the dialogue to correct this issue.
-Consider changing "effects certain siftonians" to read "effects certain Siftonians". Due to the number of instances from this point forward I will only indicate maps that need to be checked for this issue. It is up to you to go over all the dialogue to correct this issue.
-The non-task based dialogue with Tozig serves no purpose and should be removed or updated to give instructions on how to get around on the station.
-Consider adding popup dialogue following some if not all the medical scans. It would make the task more interesting.
-Consider removing the last scan of cargo since the radiation is discovered on the second scan. It makes the third scan seem pointless.
-The Cargo Inspector dialogue, consider changing "checkpoint when zela is on duty" to read "checkpoint when Zela is on duty".
-The Administrator Noj dialogue, consider changing "[OOC]situation to administrator noj[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]situation to Administrator Noj[/OOC]".
-The Mysterious Stranger dialogue, consider changing "die looking like a romulan" to read "die looking like a Romulan".
T'kavo's Hideaway: This is a good map with some tough but funn battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-I have never been found of the Weather StarStreaks (North-South) effect. The star steaks look odd and seem to go in a reverse pattern regardless of player speed. Consider reorienting the map and changing to the Weather StarStreaks (East-West) effect. It looks better regardless of player speed.
-The use of the response button "Continue" is excessive.
-The post Sudue Mistress T'kavo task dialogue, consider changing "The romulans at the launching station" to read "The Romulans at the launching station".
-There is an incorrect capitalization of "I". Consider checking all dialogue on this map to ensure this issue has been corrected.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and the entire series. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Wow there was so much to be redone, but it was worth it. Part 2 has now been polished and (thanks to your review) I believe it's as good as I can make it. I wish I had noticed these things before-hand to receive a better initial review, but very much look forward to publishing my next series using all the things I've learned from this one.
I'll definitely be having you look it over Evil70th and certainly hope that more foundry authors are wise enough to take advantage of your free editing help.
EDIT:
Part 3 is done being reworked as well, thus finishing out the entire series for any who are interested (i know the whole world has been on pins and needles). Part 2 now includes options for skipping puzzles. Lots of idle chatter was added to npc's around Midlani Station and some mission objectives have been trimmed down for parts 2 & 3. Obviously the numerous typo's and improper dialogue responses have been fixed as well throughout.
Addendum:
...Any of you who has played and enjoyed my mission series, please spread the word and recommend it to others.
I really can't stress this enough, given that I've still yet to reach full published status on both parts 2 &3.
Wow there was so much to be redone, but it was worth it. Part 2 has now been polished and (thanks to your review) I believe it's as good as I can make it. I wish I had noticed these things before-hand to receive a better initial review, but very much look forward to publishing my next series using all the things I've learned from this one.
I'll definitely be having you look it over Evil70th and certainly hope that more foundry authors are wise enough to take advantage of your free editing help.
EDIT:
Part 3 is done being reworked as well, thus finishing out the entire series for any who are interested (i know the whole world has been on pins and needles). Part 2 now includes options for skipping puzzles. Lots of idle chatter was added to npc's around Midlani Station and some mission objectives have been trimmed down for parts 2 & 3. Obviously the numerous typo's and improper dialogue responses have been fixed as well throughout.
Addendum:
...Any of you who has played and enjoyed my mission series, please spread the word and recommend it to others.
I really can't stress this enough, given that I've still yet to reach full published status on both parts 2 &3.
Hi Solastrius,
As always, I am glad I could help. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future. Keep up the good work and thank you for authoring,
Brian
I was hoping you could give one of my missions a play-through and a review. I'm planning to work on some changes in the next few days, but they should be done before you get to it.
Since achieving warp technology some 100 years ago, United Earth's influence in regional affairs has been growing. At this year's Conference of the Coalition, Earth's leading ambassadors hope to secure Earth's place as a permanent member of the Coalition. But, when an unexpected disaster disturbs a Coalition research program, the basis of the Coalition will be called into question.
(This mission takes place in 2165, in an alternate reality. There will be no transition, as the mission will be from the point of view of a resident of this alternate timeline.)
I'm new to both STO and the Foundry, but I've read through some of this thread and I think one of your detailed point-by-point critiques would be just the thing. I'm currently working on a 5-part story arc and have 3 episodes posted, with the other two still in development. They've collectively gotten a small handful of positive reviews but not enough for any of them to go fully "live" yet. Now is the time to get some objective feedback, if you wouldn't mind:
Mission Name: Sherman's Legacy 1/5 (also 2/5 and 3/5) Author:@tekn0mancer Minimum Level: 16+ for pts.1&2, 31+ for pt.3 Allegiance: (Klingon) Project ID: ST-HO77CF73G, ST-HQ8EEH8UW, ST-HCUGVQQML Estimated Mission Length: 20-30 min. each
These are literally my first-ever missions so nitpick away.
I was hoping you could give one of my missions a play-through and a review. I'm planning to work on some changes in the next few days, but they should be done before you get to it.
Since achieving warp technology some 100 years ago, United Earth's influence in regional affairs has been growing. At this year's Conference of the Coalition, Earth's leading ambassadors hope to secure Earth's place as a permanent member of the Coalition. But, when an unexpected disaster disturbs a Coalition research program, the basis of the Coalition will be called into question.
(This mission takes place in 2165, in an alternate reality. There will be no transition, as the mission will be from the point of view of a resident of this alternate timeline.)
Thank you!
Uncle2fire
Hi Uncle2 fire,
Welcome to the queue. Your mission is currently 5th in the queue behind Gawain_VIII. I will review your mission as soon as I can.
I'm new to both STO and the Foundry, but I've read through some of this thread and I think one of your detailed point-by-point critiques would be just the thing. I'm currently working on a 5-part story arc and have 3 episodes posted, with the other two still in development. They've collectively gotten a small handful of positive reviews but not enough for any of them to go fully "live" yet. Now is the time to get some objective feedback, if you wouldn't mind:
Mission Name: Sherman's Legacy 1/5 (also 2/5 and 3/5) Author:@tekn0mancer Minimum Level: 16+ for pts.1&2, 31+ for pt.3 Allegiance: (Klingon) Project ID: ST-HO77CF73G, ST-HQ8EEH8UW, ST-HCUGVQQML Estimated Mission Length: 20-30 min. each
These are literally my first-ever missions so nitpick away.
Hi Tekn0mancer,
Welcome to the queue. Your mission series is currently 6th, 7th and 8th in the queue behind Uncle2fire. I will review these missions as soon as I can.
Title: [DL-4/5] The Last Admrial Author: Gromio Minimum Level: 51+ Faction: Starfleet or Fed-Rom Project ID: ST-HL8K637XS Door: Servin System Beta Quadrant Estimated Length: 60 minutes
Description:
Dark Legacies Part four
The federation has at long last come to an uneasy truce with the klingons, the Undine have at least for now been passified, the Borg have been driven from the Alpha and Beta quadrents...
But the machinantions of evil never sleep. They watch, wait, and pounce.
I think this is still in the review tab.
Federation Mission - The Last Admiral
Author: Gromio
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HL8K637XS
Report Start
Summary: This is a great addition to the series with good map designs, tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players. You are drawn in to the mission with a combination of dialogue and battles so you enjoy it.
There are several places were you have misspelled words and some grammatical issues. I have tried to identify them all but I would suggest you go through all the dialogue to ensure they are all corrected. Spelling and grammatical errors can detract from the story and the player's enjoyment.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[OOC]the featured epissode[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]the featured episode[/OOC]".
-Consider changing sentence that starts "The Federation" into three different sentences starting with this sentence as well as "the Undine" and "the Borg". Also check your punctuation in each sentence. There are a few commas missing.
-Consider changing "now been passified" to read "now been pacified".
-Consider changing "But the machinantions of evil" to read "But the machinations".
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is good grant and follow on dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "that requires immiediate attention" to read "that requires immediate attention".
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]at the Sevin system[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]at the Servin system[/MissionInfo]".
-The Rankarsork recap dialogue; consider changing "incarnation of it's foe" to read "incarnation of its foe".
-The Rishis recap dialogue; consider changing "a larger ivasion of this reality" to read "a larger invasion of this reality".
-Consider changing "after being force to board" to read "after being forced to board".
-Consider changing "responded to a distresscall" to read "responded to a distress call".
-Consider changing "daughter of the Terran Emporer" to read "daughter of the Terran Emperor".
-Consider changing "she'd transfered her mind" to read "she'd transferred her mind".
Mission Task: This is a good initial task. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Sevin System" to read "Servin System".
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Facility 4028: This is a good map design with several tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the console button from the default "Interact" to read "Access Console".
-The console readout; consider changing "accses to technology" to read "access to technology".
-Consider changing "to have transfered her" to read "to have transferred her"
-The second Speak to Warden dialogue; consider changing "is the warden malfunctioning" to read "Is the Warden malfunctioning".
-Consider changing; "Lethal protocalls initiated" to read "Lethal protocols initiated".
-Consider changing the task spelling "Acsess" to read "Access".
-Consider changing "I can give us accses to Main Holding" to read "I can give us access to Main Holding".
-Consider changing "lower the Guards aggression settings" to read "lower the Guards aggression settings".
-The post Resist dialogue; consider changing the response button "I belive I speak for all here" to read "I believe I speak for all here".
-The popup dialogue; consider changing "all of the captives out" to read "all of the prisoners out".
Warp: The map design is good and the story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the orientation of the map from North to West and the effect from Weather Starstreaks North South 01 to Weather Starstreaks West East 01. The effect Weather Starstreaks North South 01 does not work well unless the player is moving at higher speeds.
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "[OOC]Republic Secuiry, or any Allicen power[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Republic Security, or any Alliance power[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "Star ship appearing" to read "Starship appearing".
-The Tempra dialogue; consider changing "Victoria Rishis O'brien" to read "Victoria Rishis O'Brien".
-The sentence that starts with "I’ve been having difficulty" needs to be rewritten. Consider breaking it up into two separate sentences or adding commas as appropriate to separate the thoughts.
Vega System: This is a good map design with balanced battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Khitomer Enginering Deck: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The map name; consider changing "Khitomer Enginering Deck" to read "Khitomer Engineering Deck".
-The Rishis dialogue; consider changing "allowed in here Engsin" to read "allowed in here Ensign".
-Post defeat Rishis dialogue; consider changing "[OOC]away from engineering[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]away from engineering[/OOC]
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "I belive if we remove" to read "I believe if we remove".
-Consider changing "without our assitace" to read "without our assistance".
U.S.S. Khitomer Deck 7: This is a good map design with challenging but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "The Tempera has opened" to read "The Tempra has opened". Unless the correct spelling is "Tempera". If so then you need to standardize the spelling of the ship throughout the mission.
Khitomer: This is a good map design with several tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "[Rank] my crew will ensure" to read "[Rank], my crew will ensure".
-Consider changing "ensuring that O'brien doesn't escape" to read "ensuring that O'Brien doesn't escape".
-The post Disable the I.S.S. Grandeur dialogue; consider changing "Well done we should leve immiedetly" to read "Well done. We should leave immediately".
The Hail the U.S.S. Legacy dialogue; consider changing the response button "I'll be comming as well" to read "I'll be coming as well".
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "The U.S.S. Temera is gone" to read "The U.S.S. Tempra is gone".
U.S.S. Legacy Bridge: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
The Speak to Shivorn dialogue; consider changing "Victoria O'brien was able" to read "Victoria O'Brien was able".
-Consider changing "using an unkown means" to read "using an unknown means".
-Consider changing "This itslef was a change" to read "This itself was a change".
-Consider changing "I will take some time to repaire damage that remans but with time there is the probability of majority resiconitation" to read "It will take some time to repair the damage that remains but with time there is the probability of majority reconciliation".
-Consider changing the response button "how did she get that ship" to read "How did she get that ship".
-Consider changing "Wee'll keep working on that" to read "We'll keep working on that".
-Consider changing "removed my prescens from" to read "removed my presence from".
-Consider changing the response button "What do we do with O'brien now" to read "What do we do with O'Brien now".
-The Computer dialogue; consider changing "Commander Obrien is in her quarters" to read "Commander O'Brien is in her quarters".
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "I'll have a squd of" to read "I'll have a squad of".
Legacy- Crew Deck: This is a good map design with several tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial task; consider changing "Find Commander O'brien" to read "Find Commander O'Brien".
-Consider changing the response button "Shivorn your fist officer has been attaked and needs medical aid" to read "Shivorn your first officer has been attacked and needs medical aid".
-Consider changing the response button "Verywell" to read "Very well".
-The post Repel the hostiles dialogue; consider changing "Here's what going to happen" to read "Here's what's going to happen".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and the series so far. I look forward to playing/reviewing the rest of the series and more of your work in the future.
Brian
Thank you for the feedback Brian, I'm glad you liked it:
Question: I agree completely about the changing the default "Interact" buttons on objects like the Inmate Information console in 4028, but I've been unable to figure out how, unless it's a story-objective interaction.... Do you know how this is done? I actually gave up trying to put doors on all the cells, figuring out the height of the multiple floors was no picnic.
About the U.S.S. Tempera: I forgot that I had done the name variations between maps, (in an earlier draft) intentionally. Planning to have it brought up in on Deck seven; after dealing with Lorthoris. It was an effort to show that even the "time travelers" were starting to be effected by the changes in time- that Rishis was trying to take efforts to get rid of them.
I'll try to fix those typos in a week or so.
Why do I still play and put money into STO?
The Foundry, and my love of Star Trek
Question: I agree completely about the changing the default "Interact" buttons on objects like the Inmate Information console in 4028, but I've been unable to figure out how, unless it's a story-objective interaction.... Do you know how this is done? I actually gave up trying to put doors on all the cells, figuring out the height of the multiple floors was no picnic.
I assume interacting with the console triggers a popup dialog. On the Dialog, when you set the state to Hidden->Visible when "Component Complete" and tag the console... the Console will have a new "Trigger" tab (between "General" and "State"). That tab lets you change the interact text of the triggering object (console), as well as the animation of the triggered object, if any (like beam-in/out... in your case, a dialog wouldn't have any animation).
Thank you for the feedback Brian, I'm glad you liked it:
Question: I agree completely about the changing the default "Interact" buttons on objects like the Inmate Information console in 4028, but I've been unable to figure out how, unless it's a story-objective interaction.... Do you know how this is done? I actually gave up trying to put doors on all the cells, figuring out the height of the multiple floors was no picnic.
About the U.S.S. Tempera: I forgot that I had done the name variations between maps, (in an earlier draft) intentionally. Planning to have it brought up in on Deck seven; after dealing with Lorthoris. It was an effort to show that even the "time travelers" were starting to be effected by the changes in time- that Rishis was trying to take efforts to get rid of them.
I'll try to fix those typos in a week or so.
Hi Zionus0,
GawainVIII is essentially correct and I appreciate his help.
For your particular issue this is how you can fix it.
In the Foundry, since you have already attached the popup dialogue to that console do the following;
1. On the map editor click on the console you used for the popup dialogue regarding prisoner information.
2. In the fields at the bottom of the screen the tab Triggers should be available. Click on that tab.
3. In that tab there is a field labeled Interact Text that will have Interact filled in by default.
4. Change the Interact Text field to Access Console or something along those lines.
Make sure you save your work and republish. Hope this helps.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
I just wanted to let you know (if you didn't pick up on it in the main SSF thread) that the mission I submitted for your review has been significantly updated. I don't know when you pick missions up relative to playing them, but when you get around to Continuity just be sure that you have the version marked (in the title and info text) as v2.0.
Bipedal mammal and senior Foundry author.
Notable missions: Apex [AEI], Gemini [SSF], Trident [AEI], Evolution's Smile [SSF], Transcendence
Looking for something new to play? I've started building Foundry missions again in visual novel form!
I just wanted to let you know (if you didn't pick up on it in the main SSF thread) that the mission I submitted for your review has been significantly updated. I don't know when you pick missions up relative to playing them, but when you get around to Continuity just be sure that you have the version marked (in the title and info text) as v2.0.
Thanks for the heads up DuncanIdaho. I actually do not select the mission in the Foundry until I am ready to play/review it. When I refer to the "queue" it is my folder where I keep the files of the missions I am reviewing. In that queue, your mission is currently 2nd and I hope to get to it soon.
I searched for your mission under all tabs in the Foundry, including by number, title and author name. This mission was not available, so I have placed it on hold until you let me know it is available for review. Please check to ensure it is posted and available for review. I have placed this mission on hold until I hear from you and I will review it on the next available cycle .
I've got one to add to the queue. I've got some positive overall feedback on the KDF version but I'm still very concerned about mission structure, comprehensibility, and how this works now from a FED perspective. Detailed analysis would help quite a lot in deciding if/what I need to revamp.
Violence and diplomacy go tragically hand in hand in this, the finale of the SSF series. Trade is but a prelude to darker dealings that threaten the core of a society and all that one knows and loves. All may not be lost though if some have the courage to act. Join with General V'kan, defend a strange new world, and safe a people from themselves.
Continuity is a long, story focused mission with combat, optional dialog, and optional objectives. Completion of previous missions is not required, but is recommended. (note here: I can provide very brief summary if it would be helpful)
v1.01
Summary: This is an excellent mission with outstanding map designs, tough but fun battles and great story dialogue. I was riveted to the story throughout and did not notice the length at all. I would highly recommend this mission to other players who enjoy a great story line combined with outstanding maps and challenging battles. You will enjoy this mission.
Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description that draws the player in and makes them want to click the 'Hail' button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is good grant dialogue with a well written story to draw the player in and makes them want to 'Accept' the mission. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "now I'm privilaged to call you warrior" to read "now I'm privileged to call you warrior"
Mission Task: The initial mission task appears to be misspelled. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Pilgrm" to read "Pilgrim".
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Boreth: This is a great map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Attendant dialogue, consider changing "respect to the monestary" to read "respect to the monastery".
-Consider changing the response button "I meant no disrespect, we are unfamiliar with monestary protocols" to read "I meant no disrespect, we are unfamiliar with monastery protocols".
Iffar - Arrival: This is a great map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Iffar - Resort: This is an excellent map design with good story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-During the task "Meet V'kan's Contacts" you should add Cetsa and V'kan characters to the group.
-Consider adding popup dialogue to one or more of the "Scan information terminals" tasks. It will help the story feel more dynamic.
Iffar - Y'ret Station: This is an outstanding map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Iffar - Attacked: This is a great map design with tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Rijar - Approach: This is a good map design with challenging battles and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The dialogue with the colonial governor, consider changing "Your fiend may help explain the situation" to read "Your friend may help explain the situation".
Rijar - Landing: This is an excellent map design with tough but fun combat and good story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The optional object interactions buttons have the default "Interact" label and should be changed to something appropriate to the interaction. For example, "Read" or "Access console".
Iffar - Complex: This is a great map design with very well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The meet with Administrators dialogue; consider changing "Murder, assult, theft, extortion" to read "Murder, assault, theft and extortion".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This is an outstanding mission that I really enjoyed playing and reviewing. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
I searched for your mission under all tabs in the Foundry, including by number, title and author name. This mission was not available, so I have placed it on hold until you let me know it is available for review. Please check to ensure it is posted and available for review. I have placed this mission on hold until I hear from you and I will review it on the next available cycle .
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
I checked it's under the main browse tab- it shows up when I search for Dark Legacies or my name, just under "A Past Forgotten".
Not sure what's happening, you might try just flying over to the dyson sphere gateway?
Why do I still play and put money into STO?
The Foundry, and my love of Star Trek
I searched for your mission under all tabs in the Foundry, including by number, title and author name. This mission was not available, so I have placed it on hold until you let me know it is available for review. Please check to ensure it is posted and available for review. I have placed this mission on hold until I hear from you and I will review it on the next available cycle .
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
I checked it's under the main browse tab- it shows up when I search for Dark Legacies or my name, just under "A Past Forgotten".
Not sure what's happening, you might try just flying over to the dyson sphere gateway?
I figured out what the issue is. Your minimum level is 57, which I do not have. None of my characters are that high a level, so this mission cannot be reviewed by me unless you reduce the requirement. Sorry about the confusion.
I searched for your mission under all tabs in the Foundry, including by number, title and author name. This mission was not available, so I have placed it on hold until you let me know it is available for review. Please check to ensure it is posted and available for review. I have placed this mission on hold until I hear from you and I will review it on the next available cycle .
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
I checked it's under the main browse tab- it shows up when I search for Dark Legacies or my name, just under "A Past Forgotten".
Not sure what's happening, you might try just flying over to the dyson sphere gateway?
I figured out what the issue is. Your minimum level is 57, which I do not have. None of my characters are that high a level, so this mission cannot be reviewed by me unless you reduce the requirement. Sorry about the confusion.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
I see,
Regardless thanks for your time. The Level req would be the result of me using a couple Herald frigates and a cruiser group (29th century Terrans) and a ground group for Rankarsork's reappearance.
Also: I was looking for your mission Contamination (If I recall the name right) about a week ago but couldn't find it. Did You take it down?
Why do I still play and put money into STO?
The Foundry, and my love of Star Trek
I see,
Regardless thanks for your time. The Level req would be the result of me using a couple Herald frigates and a cruiser group (29th century Terrans) and a ground group for Rankarsork's reappearance.
Also: I was looking for your mission Contamination (If I recall the name right) about a week ago but couldn't find it. Did You take it down?
Hi zionus0,
Appreciate the information. I figured it out when I was trouble shooting and found the level listing.
Anyway, I did not withdraw the Contamination mission. It is still available and I just verified that. Below is the information regarding that mission.
The final part of Dark Legacies, I'm very happy with how this turned out! Right before university started back up to! I really still can't believe the story is finished...
Description:
This mission takes place after the Iconian war.
Over the course of your career you've had many enemies. Somehow vanquishing all of them. You have risen to become one of the most decorated commanders in the Delta Alliance, your name known in every quarter of the galaxy. But your true foe still lurks in the shadows, waiting to strike.
Called into action after a devastating surprise attack on the Delta Dyson sphere, you must discover the goal of one of the most determined adversaries you've ever faced. It may take every skill you have to stop them.... If you do not... Then you may cause a reign of terror with no end in sight.
Under review tab.
Federation Mission - Fires of Vengeance
Author: Gromio
Allegiance: Federation or Federation Romulan
Project ID: ST-HUW825NE7
Report Start
Summary: I went through several missions and got my main character up to level 57. It took a little while but it reminded me how much I like the game. Sometimes you can lose sight of that when you are evaluating missions for authors as much as I do. Speaking of evaluations, below is mine.
This is a good mission overall, even though I found a large number of spelling and grammatical errors in the dialogue. It almost felt like you were rushing the dialogue, which would be why you had a higher number of the errors than in previous missions. The mission is a good combination of map design, battles and well written story dialogue. I would definitely recommend the mission and the entire series. It was enjoyable all the way around and you hardly notice the time spent playing.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[OOC]Arriving at Delta Command you find it in shambels[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Arriving at Delta Command you find it in shambles[/OOC]"
-Consider changing "Fleet Admiral Nevalis still hans't returned from" to read "Fleet Admiral Nevalis still hasn't returned from".
MAPS: Delta Quardent: This is a good map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the map name "Delta Quardent" to read "Delta Quadrant".
-The Fleet Admiral Nevalis dialogue; consider changing "I don't who this is" to read "I don't know who this is".
-Consider changing "forces at the dyson sphere" to read "forces at the Dyson sphere".
-Consider changing "reports of the undine attack on Sol" to read "reports of the Undine attack on Sol".
-Consider changing "I gathered everyship I could" to read "I gathered every ship I could".
-Consider changing "in the Delta Quardent exepct the undine" to read "in the Delta Quadrant except the Undine".
-Consider changing "toxin to make us attack eachother" to read "toxin to make us attack each other".
-Consider changing "Files, gatway codes, technology" to read "Files, gateway codes, technology".
-Consider changing the response button "Will you be abke to make repairs" to read "Will you be able to make repairs".
-Consider changing the response button "Evasive manuvers" to read "Evasive maneuvers".
-The post Second wave dialogue; consider changing "How intresting" to read "How interesting".
-Consider changing "The transission cut off Captain" to read "The transmission cut off Captain".
-Consider changing "They could have near limitilmss troops" to read "They could have near limitless troops".
-Consider changing "No captain I've been trying without succsess" to read "No Captain, I've been trying without success".
-Consider changing "everything I've ben trying as I attempt it" to read "everything I've been trying as I attempt it".
-Consider changing "we might be ale to learn" to read "we might be able to learn".
Asteroid Field: This is good map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial hostile engagement is too close together. Consider spreading them out to enable the player to engage them one at a time or reducing the total number to be engaged.
-The map transition dialogue; consider changing "I'm detecting multipel enemy groups and forcefields being brought on line" to read "I'm detecting multiple enemy groups and force fields being brought online".
-Consider changing the response button "Have addaditional teams standing by" to read "Have additional teams standing by".
Station Interior 1: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-All consoles, doors or other items that require or are optional for the player to use have a button labeled "Interact" which is the default entry. Consider changing them to something appropriate to the interaction. For example, "Access Console" or "Open Door", etc.
-The post Old Foes task dialogue, consider changing the response button "We go to office of course" to read "We go to the office, of course".
-Consider changing the response button "We do what we unfortunatly do best" to read "We do what we, unfortunately, do best".
-The console "Check logs on Dyson sphere" is off the ground and looks odd. Consider placing it on the deck.
-Consider changing the response button "Personel" to read "Personnel".
-Due to the number of spelling and grammatical errors noted in this review, from this point forward I will note the maps containing errors. It is up to you to go through the dialogue to locate and correct these errors. Consider checking all dialogue, response buttons, and interactions throughout this map to ensure there are no spelling or grammatical errors.
Station Interior 2: This is a good map design with several tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-I noted some spelling and grammatical errors on this map. Consider checking all dialogue and response buttons for spelling or grammatical errors.
-All consoles, doors or other items that require or are optional for the player to use have a button labeled "Interact".
Station Powercore Level: This is a good map design with several challenging battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the map name "Station Powercore Level" to read "Station Power Core Level".
-I noted some spelling and grammatical errors on this map. Consider checking all dialogue and response buttons for spelling or grammatical errors.
-All consoles, doors or other items that require or are optional for the player to use have a button labeled "Interact".
Asteroid Field: This is good map design tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-I noted some spelling and grammatical errors on this map. Consider checking all dialogue and response buttons for spelling or grammatical errors.
Galactic Edge: This is good map design with several tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-I noted some spelling and grammatical errors on this map. Consider checking all dialogue and response buttons for spelling or grammatical errors.
Vendetta shuttle Bay: This is good map design with several tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the map name "Vendetta shuttle Bay" to read "Vendetta Shuttle Bay".
-I noted some spelling and grammatical errors on this map. Consider checking all dialogue and response buttons for spelling or grammatical errors.
The Abyss: This is good map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-I noted some spelling and grammatical errors on this map. Consider checking all dialogue and response buttons for spelling or grammatical errors.
I.S.S. Vendetta-Bridge: This is good map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-I noted some spelling and grammatical errors on this map. Consider checking all dialogue and response buttons for spelling or grammatical errors.
Dyson Sphere: This is a nice map design with well written story dialogue and a good wrap up to the story. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with the series and this episode wraps the story nicely. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Wow- I was arrogant enough to think I got them all. I should check my word processor, and try and fifure out why it's not picking some stuff up and not others... This is really bothering me. I wrote everything out in MS word before pasting into diouge trees.
I don't know what else to try.
Why do I still play and put money into STO?
The Foundry, and my love of Star Trek
Wow- I was arrogant enough to think I got them all. I should check my word processor, and try and fifure out why it's not picking some stuff up and not others... This is really bothering me. I wrote everything out in MS word before pasting into diouge trees.
I don't know what else to try.
No worries. Some, but not all of them were not so much misspellings as they were incorrect usage. The ones that were misspelled, it may be a setting in your word processor. Of course you have me and other players to catch the ones you miss.
Great mission and series. Thank you for authoring,
Brian
Here we are... I admit this is probably my least favorite episode because of the first few maps- I've never been able to get the redesign working the way I want it to.
Title: [DL-3/5] Time's Favour Turns NOTE: The "our" is Canadian spelling Author:@Gromio Minimum Level: 51+ Faction: Starfleet or Fed-Rom Project ID: ST-HUYA49NJQ Door: Ancaris Arm Beta Quadrant Estimated Length: 30-45 minutes
Description:
Dark Legacies Part Three
A reunifacationist colony has been stricken with a plague. Responding to their plea for help, you uncover a deeper and more sinister plot has been covered up. A plot that means to undermine everything you have fought for.
Your enemies return to strike back at you with a terrifying weapon that may be you undoing.
Summary: This is a good mission in the series although there were several locations in the dialogue that need work on spelling. The number of errors I came across almost made it feel as if you were rushing to complete the story. You need to take a look at all the dialogue throughout to make sure there are no errors. I am pretty sure I did not hit you for any Canadian spelling versus American English but if I did you can ignore those and resolve the others. The battles were tough but fun throughout with a few that were very tough in places. The map designs are great with a few things here and there that need to be adjusted. Overall I really enjoyed the mission and the series so far. I would definitely recommend this mission and the series to other players.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: The initial mission task is well written. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
MAPS: Jantista Colony Orbit: This is a good map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue, consider changing the response button "by the united Federation of Planets" to read "by the United Federation of Planets".
Main Colony: This is a nice map design but some of the objects need to be adjusted as indicated below. There are several tough but fun battles and some of the dialogue needs work on spelling. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
The initial mission task, consider changing "Acsess Federation Communication Network" to read "Access Federation Communication Network".
-The Search of logs dialogue, consider changing "[OOC]call you recived was sent[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]call you received was sent[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]but there are many unacounted for[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]but there are many accounted for[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "that encrption code from the accedmy" to read "that encryption code from the academy".
-The mission task, consider changing "Speak to frightend woman" to read "Speak to frightened woman".
-The post task dialogue, consider changing "I don't belive you" to read "I don't believe you".
-Consider changing the response button "the first ship to recive your" to read "the first ship to receive your".
-Consider changing "my appoligies" to read "my apologies".
-Consider changing the response button "Whats going on here" to read "What's going on here".
-Consider changing the response button "Please contine" to read "Please continue".
-Consider changing the response button "[Summerize]" to read "[Summarize]".
-Consider changing "Look this isn't impornt right now" to read "Look this isn't important right now".
-Consider changing "compound is heavily gaurded" to read "compound is heavily guarded".
-Consider changing "I'd recomend sneaking around" to read "I'd recommend sheaking around".
-The building that is the objective at the end of the map needs to be lowered into the hill more. As it is currently set it looks odd.
Grand Ace: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles and some of the dialogue needs some work on spelling. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The dialogue with Claire, consider changing "been under seige here" to read "been under siege here".
-Consider changing the response button "Doesn't seem like theres many left" to read "Doesn’t seem like there’s many left".
-Consider changing "with real combat exerperiance" to read "with real combat experience".
-Removing the barricade button says "Interact" which is the default entry. Consider changing the button to read "Remove crates".
-The replicator button also says "Interact" which is the default entry. Consider changing the button to read "Access replicator".
-The map transfer dialogue, consider changing "[OOC]dark and crammped[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]dark and cramped[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]black jeffreis tube[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]black jefferies tube[/OOC]".
-Consider changing the response button "[Clikmb down into the dark]" to read [Climb down into the dark]".
Paterlarg’s Labouratory: This is a nice map design but some of the objects need to be adjusted as indicated below. There are several challenging battles and some of the dialogue needs work on spelling. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue, consider changing "about the jeffries tubes" to read "about the jefferies tubes".
-The mission task, consider changing "Look over Database consol" to read "Look over database console".
-Some of the consoles need to be lowered to touch the deck. They look like they are floating.
-The post mission task dialogue, consider changing "tranporters" to read "transporters".
-Consider changing "Theres mention of an iconain gate here Captain" to read "There’s mention of an Iconian gate here, Captain".
-Consider changing "cause irreprable damge" to read "cause irreparable damage".
-Consider changing "the damge thats already" to read "the damage that’s already".
-Consider changing "where his infomation came from" to read "where his information came from".
-The post Proceed to Main Lab dialogue, consider changing "inside one of my driods" to read "inside one of my droids".
-Consider changing "their experiances" to read "their experiences".
-Consider changing "be irrelenvant once" to read "be irrelevant once".
-Consider changing "be permitied to do" to read "be permitted to do".
-The post Find Main Control console task dialogue, consider changing the response button "Target infomation" to read "Target information".
-Consider changing the response button "Weapon distubtion" to read "Weapon distribution".
The Bridge (Taken): This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Deck 5: This is a good map design with several good battles. Some of the dialogue needs work on spelling. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post mission task Defend yourself dialogue, consider changing "I can’t belive this" to read "I can’t believe this".
-Consider changing "was Engsin Nokar" to read "was Ensign Nokar".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Your officers collaps to the ground[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Your officers collapse to the ground[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "What ever will I do the [Rank] is comming" to read "What ever will I do, the [Rank] is coming".
-Consider changing "i’ve already won" to read "I’ve already won".
-Consider changing the response button "You havn’t won" to read "You haven’t won".
-Consider changing "Quite ingenous" to read "Quite ingenious".
-Consider changing "I need some sampels" to read "I need some samples".
-Consider changing the response button "into the jefries tubes" to read "into the jefferies tube".
-The post mission task Find a survivor dialogue, consider changing "Last I chekced you were" to read "Last I checked you were".
-Consider changing "going to loose everything" to read "going to lose everything".
Deck 4: This is a good map design with several tough battles but the last one was particularly difficult. Some of the dialogue needs work on spelling. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post mission task Clear the Deck, consider changing "it is fourtunate you arrived" to read "it is fortunate you arrived".
-Consider changing "much more effecently" to read "much more efficiently".
-Consider changing the response button "Lets get to work" to read "Let’s get to work".
-Consider changing the mission task "Observe resulsts" to read "Observe results".
-The post mission task Observe resulsts dialogue, consider changing "Your more resourceful than I" to read "You’re more resourceful than I".
-Consider changing the response button "We’re comming for you" to read "We’re coming for you".
-The map transfer dialogue, consider changing "Brillant Captain" to read "Brilliant Captain".
-Consider changing "work i took the liborty" to read "work I took the liberty".
-Consider changing "be emergeny rebreathers in the jefries tube" to read "be emergency rebreathers in the jefferies tube".
The Bridge: This is a good map design with tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The personal log console button also says "Interact" which is the default entry. Consider changing the button to read "Access console".
-The personal log console should be moved to match the existing wall console. From there is could serve as a trigger for the console access.
-The post mission task Put antidote into the air dialogue, consider changing "[OOC]Her expresion chages into[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Her expression changes into[/OOC]".
-The Q dialogue, consider changing "That was quite enteraining" to read "That was quite entertaining".
Jantista Colony Orbit: This is a good map design with a challenging but fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue, consider changing the response button "I’m not familair with that name" to read "I’m not familiar with that name".
-The map transfer dialogue, consider changing "[OOC]You immeidatly set a course[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]You immediately set course[/OCC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Rishis watched securly in your brig[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Rishis watched securely in your brig[/OOC]".
Facility 4028: This is a good map design with well written story. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the dialogue to add a period after the word "enough" and before the word "Every".
-Consider changing "Every citezen of the Federation" to read "Every citizen of the Federation".
-Consider changing the response button "you have a moral compas" to read "you have a moral compass".
-The Mirror universe Victoria dialogue, consider changing "I never get out of becuase when I do" to read "I never get out of here because when I do".
-Consider changing the response button "But its a problem" to read "But it’s a problem".
-Consider changing the response button "wont be leaving here" to read "won’t be leaving here".
-The post mission dialogue, consider changing "and want to contine the story" to read "and want to continue the story".
-Consider changing the response button "[Finish: Times’s Favour Turns]" to read "[Finish: Time’s Favour Turns]".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Hey Evil70th, I am back with more Episodes in season 1 of my SFI series, that I would like you to review,It been awhile since I got a review done by you so, some catching up to do. lol. But in the future I will post a mission when I am done so I don't tie up the line of review missions. I will list them all here.
Thank you for taking your time to review and to provide feedback and comments.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Mission Name: SFI: Retrieval-Episode 2
Author: Logitech007
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJMYM05ZH
Starting location: Beha system in the Vulcan sector in the Beta Quadrant
Estimated Mission Length: 1-1.5 Hours
Story description: You and your ship finish delivering supplies to New Romulus, When Rear Admiral Jeff White from Starfleet Intelligence has a mission for you.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Mission Name: SFI: Orb of Time-Episode 3
Author: Logitech007
Minimum Level: Any level
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HAW3KMQQI
Starting location: Andoria system in the Vulcan sector in the Beta Quadrant
Estimated Mission Length: 30 minutes to 1 hour
Story description: Lt. Vadik Winn from Starfleet Intelligence has called you to ask for a personal favor, with all the help she has given to you and your ship in the past, you have agreed to help her. You have been informed that the Orb of Time has been stolen but by whom and for what reason.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Mission Name: SFI: The Phoenix-Episode 4
Author: Logitech007
Minimum Level: Any level
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HEPJZMLGW
Starting location: P'Jem system in the Vlucan sector in the Beta Quadrant
Estimated Mission Length: 45 Minutes to 1 hour
Story description: You and your team have caught up with the stolen Orb of Time. It was stolen by an old friend who is intent on changing the past. Will this person successful in changing the past. The clues from the past will help you and your crew put an end to a future threat. We will see how these characters all started their journey to where they are now.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Mission Name: SFI: Ar Risalah
Author: Logitech007
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HHLDUIV24
Starting location: Vulcan system in the Vulcan sector in the Beta Quadrant
Estimated Mission Length: 1-1.5 Hours
Story description: After several deadly attacks by the Ar Risalah, the federation receives intelligence on where the operating base is located. Starfleet sends vessels to end this threat once and for all. The leader of the Ar Risalah is finally located.
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Mission Name: SFI: First Contact
Author: Logitech007
Minimum Level: Any level
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPUI3OB5W
Staring location: Pico in the Vulcan system in the Beta Quadrant.
Estimated Mission Length: 45 Minutes-1 hour
Story description: Starfleet Intelligence needs you and your crew to locate a missing Federation vessel. You soon come across the vessel with no life signs in low orbit of an inhabited planet which leads to first contact with a species that was believed to be long extinct.
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Sorry again for posting all 5 missions here, I through it be easy for it all be in one listing instead of all 5. Please post the review here. Thank you. I will make sure I as for reviews right away instead of waiting and I have been busy. Wont happen again.
Thanks again for taking your time to play, review and to leave feedback to my missions.
Comments
Title: [DL-3/5] Time's Favour Turns NOTE: The "our" is Canadian spelling
Author: @Gromio
Minimum Level: 51+
Faction: Starfleet or Fed-Rom
Project ID: ST-HUYA49NJQ
Door: Ancaris Arm Beta Quadrant
Estimated Length: 30-45 minutes
Description:
Dark Legacies Part Three
A reunifacationist colony has been stricken with a plague. Responding to their plea for help, you uncover a deeper and more sinister plot has been covered up. A plot that means to undermine everything you have fought for.
Your enemies return to strike back at you with a terrifying weapon that may be you undoing.
The Foundry, and my love of Star Trek
Zionus0.
Thanks for specifics of the mission. No worries, I recognize other English forms in the creation of dialogue for these missions.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - Picking Up The Pieces [Part:3]
Author: Solastrius
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HTGR4TIXI
Report Start
Summary: This is a good standard operations mission overall. The map designs are excellent, the battles are tough but fun and the story dialogue is very well written. There were elements that felt like a classic TOS mission. This one was longer than you projected but still fun. I would recommend this mission and the series to players that like standard operations missions with some combat and a good story in them.
As I pointed out below, on a couple of the maps there are tasks that I feel could be reduced or eliminated altogether. These recommendations would reduce some repetitive and tedious tasks that really do not contribute to the story. That would make this an even better mission and series. I mention below the incorrect usage in the dialogue where capitalization of "I" is not used. This may be a minor issue but is a point of detail that needs to be addressed. As I mentioned before in previous reports the use of "Continue" is excessive as well and needs to be addressed in the entire series.
One last thing is the use of proper capitalization of races and factions in the dialogue. There are several places in the dialogue where Federation is not properly capitalized. There was a lesser degree of this problem with Romulan. This would also apply to the race you created for this series known as Siftonians. I would recommend going through the dialogue of the entire mission and series to ensure they are properly addressed.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: The description needs to be more about the story as it fits into the series. It appears to be the same write up across the series. You need to write so that it draws the player in and makes them want to click 'Hail'. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "a rogue faction of romulan soldiers" to read "a rogue faction of Romulan soldiers".
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant mission dialogue. Consider writing a little more of the back story up to this point into dialogue. It will help draw the player in and make them want to click 'Accept'. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: The initial task is well written. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
MAPS:
Escort Route: This is a good map design with balanced battles and well written story dialogue. The cargo ships proceeding from waypoint to waypoint was very well done. It felt like I was really escorting them. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" is excessive. From this point forward I will note the maps where this is a problem. I will not cover it in more detail in the summary above since I did that in my last report on Part 2.
Midlani Clutch Station: This is a nice map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" is excessive.
-The initial dialogue, consider changing "station bear federation markings" to read "station bear Federation markings".
-Consider changing "Secretery Gwee" to read "Secretary Gwee".
-The Secretery Gwee dialogue, consider changing "i'm afraid our shuttles" to read "I'm afraid our shuttles".
-Consider changing "store surplus equipment and personell" to read "store surplus equipment and personnel".
-Consider removing the task for the player to fly to each outpost to find out what they need. It is a tedious and unnecessary task. Have the player fly to pick up the supplies instead and deliver them to the outposts.
Midlani Station Interior: This is an excellent map design with well written story dialogue. Some of the wandering NPCs are interesting, for example the racing children are a nice background touch. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The station is nicely designed and built but due to the spread out nature of the locations consider adding dialogue to the various security personnel on locations of different places. There are blind halls that seem to serve no purpose.
- Some of the tasks seem unnecessarily convoluted. Consider reducing some of the more repetitive tasks on this map.
-The use of the response button "Continue" is excessive.
-The Administrator Noj dialogue, consider changing "bringing you into our houses" to read "bringing you into our homes".
-Consider changing "i'd like to ask of you a favor" to read "I'd like to ask of you a favor".
-There are several dialogue windows on this map that contain incorrect capitalization of "I" in the dialogue. Due to the number of instances from this point forward I will only indicate maps that need to be checked for this issue. It is up to you to go over all the dialogue to correct this issue.
-Consider changing "grant the federation new" to read "grant the Federation new". Due to the number of instances from this point forward I will only indicate maps that need to be checked for this issue. It is up to you to go over all the dialogue to correct this issue.
-Consider changing "effects certain siftonians" to read "effects certain Siftonians". Due to the number of instances from this point forward I will only indicate maps that need to be checked for this issue. It is up to you to go over all the dialogue to correct this issue.
-The non-task based dialogue with Tozig serves no purpose and should be removed or updated to give instructions on how to get around on the station.
-Consider adding popup dialogue following some if not all the medical scans. It would make the task more interesting.
-Consider removing the last scan of cargo since the radiation is discovered on the second scan. It makes the third scan seem pointless.
-The Cargo Inspector dialogue, consider changing "checkpoint when zela is on duty" to read "checkpoint when Zela is on duty".
-The Administrator Noj dialogue, consider changing "[OOC]situation to administrator noj[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]situation to Administrator Noj[/OOC]".
-The Mysterious Stranger dialogue, consider changing "die looking like a romulan" to read "die looking like a Romulan".
T'kavo's Hideaway: This is a good map with some tough but funn battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-I have never been found of the Weather StarStreaks (North-South) effect. The star steaks look odd and seem to go in a reverse pattern regardless of player speed. Consider reorienting the map and changing to the Weather StarStreaks (East-West) effect. It looks better regardless of player speed.
-The use of the response button "Continue" is excessive.
-The post Sudue Mistress T'kavo task dialogue, consider changing "The romulans at the launching station" to read "The Romulans at the launching station".
-There is an incorrect capitalization of "I". Consider checking all dialogue on this map to ensure this issue has been corrected.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and the entire series. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 02/06/2016 on forum posting for: Picking Up The Pieces: Re-Release Trilogy.
Updated: Name change
Hi Gawainviii,
I am adding your mission to the queue. Please provide me with the following information to help me review the mission:
Mission Name: (Your Mission Title)
Author: (Your STO Site Name)
Minimum Level: (16+ or above)
Allegiance: (Federation/Klingon)
Project ID: ST-(ID Number)
Estimated Mission Length: (Time to complete the mission)
This information will help me locate your mission and complete a review of it as soon as I can.
Thank you for authoring,
Brian
Author: Gawain_VIII
Minimum Level: Any
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HED5HZKHP
Estimated Mission Length: 30-45 Mins
Updated
I'll definitely be having you look it over Evil70th and certainly hope that more foundry authors are wise enough to take advantage of your free editing help.
EDIT:
Part 3 is done being reworked as well, thus finishing out the entire series for any who are interested (i know the whole world has been on pins and needles). Part 2 now includes options for skipping puzzles. Lots of idle chatter was added to npc's around Midlani Station and some mission objectives have been trimmed down for parts 2 & 3. Obviously the numerous typo's and improper dialogue responses have been fixed as well throughout.
Addendum:
...Any of you who has played and enjoyed my mission series, please spread the word and recommend it to others.
I really can't stress this enough, given that I've still yet to reach full published status on both parts 2 &3.
Thanks Gwainiii. I have updated my file and you are currently 5th in the queue behind Zionus0. I will review your mission as soon as I can.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Hi Solastrius,
As always, I am glad I could help. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future. Keep up the good work and thank you for authoring,
Brian
I was hoping you could give one of my missions a play-through and a review. I'm planning to work on some changes in the next few days, but they should be done before you get to it.
Mission Name: Tylysus Crisis
Author: uncle2fire
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: FED
Project ID: ST-HGYHP7UCL
Estimated Length: About 90 minutes
Description:
Since achieving warp technology some 100 years ago, United Earth's influence in regional affairs has been growing. At this year's Conference of the Coalition, Earth's leading ambassadors hope to secure Earth's place as a permanent member of the Coalition. But, when an unexpected disaster disturbs a Coalition research program, the basis of the Coalition will be called into question.
(This mission takes place in 2165, in an alternate reality. There will be no transition, as the mission will be from the point of view of a resident of this alternate timeline.)
Thank you!
Uncle2fire
I'm new to both STO and the Foundry, but I've read through some of this thread and I think one of your detailed point-by-point critiques would be just the thing. I'm currently working on a 5-part story arc and have 3 episodes posted, with the other two still in development. They've collectively gotten a small handful of positive reviews but not enough for any of them to go fully "live" yet. Now is the time to get some objective feedback, if you wouldn't mind:
Mission Name: Sherman's Legacy 1/5 (also 2/5 and 3/5)
Author: @tekn0mancer
Minimum Level: 16+ for pts.1&2, 31+ for pt.3
Allegiance: (Klingon)
Project ID: ST-HO77CF73G, ST-HQ8EEH8UW, ST-HCUGVQQML
Estimated Mission Length: 20-30 min. each
These are literally my first-ever missions so nitpick away.
Hi Uncle2 fire,
Welcome to the queue. Your mission is currently 5th in the queue behind Gawain_VIII. I will review your mission as soon as I can.
Thank you for authoring.
Brian
Hi Tekn0mancer,
Welcome to the queue. Your mission series is currently 6th, 7th and 8th in the queue behind Uncle2fire. I will review these missions as soon as I can.
Thank you for authoring.
Brian
Federation Mission - The Last Admiral
Author: Gromio
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HL8K637XS
Report Start
Summary: This is a great addition to the series with good map designs, tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players. You are drawn in to the mission with a combination of dialogue and battles so you enjoy it.
There are several places were you have misspelled words and some grammatical issues. I have tried to identify them all but I would suggest you go through all the dialogue to ensure they are all corrected. Spelling and grammatical errors can detract from the story and the player's enjoyment.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[OOC]the featured epissode[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]the featured episode[/OOC]".
-Consider changing sentence that starts "The Federation" into three different sentences starting with this sentence as well as "the Undine" and "the Borg". Also check your punctuation in each sentence. There are a few commas missing.
-Consider changing "now been passified" to read "now been pacified".
-Consider changing "But the machinantions of evil" to read "But the machinations".
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is good grant and follow on dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "that requires immiediate attention" to read "that requires immediate attention".
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]at the Sevin system[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]at the Servin system[/MissionInfo]".
-The Rankarsork recap dialogue; consider changing "incarnation of it's foe" to read "incarnation of its foe".
-The Rishis recap dialogue; consider changing "a larger ivasion of this reality" to read "a larger invasion of this reality".
-Consider changing "after being force to board" to read "after being forced to board".
-Consider changing "responded to a distresscall" to read "responded to a distress call".
-Consider changing "daughter of the Terran Emporer" to read "daughter of the Terran Emperor".
-Consider changing "she'd transfered her mind" to read "she'd transferred her mind".
Mission Task: This is a good initial task. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Sevin System" to read "Servin System".
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Facility 4028: This is a good map design with several tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the console button from the default "Interact" to read "Access Console".
-The console readout; consider changing "accses to technology" to read "access to technology".
-Consider changing "to have transfered her" to read "to have transferred her"
-The second Speak to Warden dialogue; consider changing "is the warden malfunctioning" to read "Is the Warden malfunctioning".
-Consider changing; "Lethal protocalls initiated" to read "Lethal protocols initiated".
-Consider changing the task spelling "Acsess" to read "Access".
-Consider changing "I can give us accses to Main Holding" to read "I can give us access to Main Holding".
-Consider changing "lower the Guards aggression settings" to read "lower the Guards aggression settings".
-The post Resist dialogue; consider changing the response button "I belive I speak for all here" to read "I believe I speak for all here".
-The popup dialogue; consider changing "all of the captives out" to read "all of the prisoners out".
Warp: The map design is good and the story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the orientation of the map from North to West and the effect from Weather Starstreaks North South 01 to Weather Starstreaks West East 01. The effect Weather Starstreaks North South 01 does not work well unless the player is moving at higher speeds.
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "[OOC]Republic Secuiry, or any Allicen power[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Republic Security, or any Alliance power[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "Star ship appearing" to read "Starship appearing".
-The Tempra dialogue; consider changing "Victoria Rishis O'brien" to read "Victoria Rishis O'Brien".
-The sentence that starts with "I’ve been having difficulty" needs to be rewritten. Consider breaking it up into two separate sentences or adding commas as appropriate to separate the thoughts.
Vega System: This is a good map design with balanced battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Khitomer Enginering Deck: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The map name; consider changing "Khitomer Enginering Deck" to read "Khitomer Engineering Deck".
-The Rishis dialogue; consider changing "allowed in here Engsin" to read "allowed in here Ensign".
-Post defeat Rishis dialogue; consider changing "[OOC]away from engineering[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]away from engineering[/OOC]
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "I belive if we remove" to read "I believe if we remove".
-Consider changing "without our assitace" to read "without our assistance".
U.S.S. Khitomer Deck 7: This is a good map design with challenging but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "The Tempera has opened" to read "The Tempra has opened". Unless the correct spelling is "Tempera". If so then you need to standardize the spelling of the ship throughout the mission.
Khitomer: This is a good map design with several tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "[Rank] my crew will ensure" to read "[Rank], my crew will ensure".
-Consider changing "ensuring that O'brien doesn't escape" to read "ensuring that O'Brien doesn't escape".
-The post Disable the I.S.S. Grandeur dialogue; consider changing "Well done we should leve immiedetly" to read "Well done. We should leave immediately".
The Hail the U.S.S. Legacy dialogue; consider changing the response button "I'll be comming as well" to read "I'll be coming as well".
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "The U.S.S. Temera is gone" to read "The U.S.S. Tempra is gone".
U.S.S. Legacy Bridge: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
The Speak to Shivorn dialogue; consider changing "Victoria O'brien was able" to read "Victoria O'Brien was able".
-Consider changing "using an unkown means" to read "using an unknown means".
-Consider changing "This itslef was a change" to read "This itself was a change".
-Consider changing "I will take some time to repaire damage that remans but with time there is the probability of majority resiconitation" to read "It will take some time to repair the damage that remains but with time there is the probability of majority reconciliation".
-Consider changing the response button "how did she get that ship" to read "How did she get that ship".
-Consider changing "Wee'll keep working on that" to read "We'll keep working on that".
-Consider changing "removed my prescens from" to read "removed my presence from".
-Consider changing the response button "What do we do with O'brien now" to read "What do we do with O'Brien now".
-The Computer dialogue; consider changing "Commander Obrien is in her quarters" to read "Commander O'Brien is in her quarters".
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "I'll have a squd of" to read "I'll have a squad of".
Legacy- Crew Deck: This is a good map design with several tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial task; consider changing "Find Commander O'brien" to read "Find Commander O'Brien".
-Consider changing the response button "Shivorn your fist officer has been attaked and needs medical aid" to read "Shivorn your first officer has been attacked and needs medical aid".
-Consider changing the response button "Verywell" to read "Very well".
-The post Repel the hostiles dialogue; consider changing "Here's what going to happen" to read "Here's what's going to happen".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and the series so far. I look forward to playing/reviewing the rest of the series and more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 02/26/2016 on forum posting for: Dark Legacies Part 4/5- Up For Review.
Question: I agree completely about the changing the default "Interact" buttons on objects like the Inmate Information console in 4028, but I've been unable to figure out how, unless it's a story-objective interaction.... Do you know how this is done? I actually gave up trying to put doors on all the cells, figuring out the height of the multiple floors was no picnic.
About the U.S.S. Tempera: I forgot that I had done the name variations between maps, (in an earlier draft) intentionally. Planning to have it brought up in on Deck seven; after dealing with Lorthoris. It was an effort to show that even the "time travelers" were starting to be effected by the changes in time- that Rishis was trying to take efforts to get rid of them.
I'll try to fix those typos in a week or so.
The Foundry, and my love of Star Trek
I assume interacting with the console triggers a popup dialog. On the Dialog, when you set the state to Hidden->Visible when "Component Complete" and tag the console... the Console will have a new "Trigger" tab (between "General" and "State"). That tab lets you change the interact text of the triggering object (console), as well as the animation of the triggered object, if any (like beam-in/out... in your case, a dialog wouldn't have any animation).
Hi Zionus0,
GawainVIII is essentially correct and I appreciate his help.
For your particular issue this is how you can fix it.
In the Foundry, since you have already attached the popup dialogue to that console do the following;
1. On the map editor click on the console you used for the popup dialogue regarding prisoner information.
2. In the fields at the bottom of the screen the tab Triggers should be available. Click on that tab.
3. In that tab there is a field labeled Interact Text that will have Interact filled in by default.
4. Change the Interact Text field to Access Console or something along those lines.
Make sure you save your work and republish. Hope this helps.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
I just wanted to let you know (if you didn't pick up on it in the main SSF thread) that the mission I submitted for your review has been significantly updated. I don't know when you pick missions up relative to playing them, but when you get around to Continuity just be sure that you have the version marked (in the title and info text) as v2.0.
Notable missions: Apex [AEI], Gemini [SSF], Trident [AEI], Evolution's Smile [SSF], Transcendence
Looking for something new to play? I've started building Foundry missions again in visual novel form!
Thanks for the heads up DuncanIdaho. I actually do not select the mission in the Foundry until I am ready to play/review it. When I refer to the "queue" it is my folder where I keep the files of the missions I am reviewing.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Hi Zionus0,
I searched for your mission under all tabs in the Foundry, including by number, title and author name. This mission was not available, so I have placed it on hold until you let me know it is available for review. Please check to ensure it is posted and available for review. I have placed this mission on hold until I hear from you and I will review it on the next available cycle .
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - Continuity [FED]
Author: Gorogonops
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HD9U5NXYP
Report Start
Summary: This is an excellent mission with outstanding map designs, tough but fun battles and great story dialogue. I was riveted to the story throughout and did not notice the length at all. I would highly recommend this mission to other players who enjoy a great story line combined with outstanding maps and challenging battles. You will enjoy this mission.
Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description that draws the player in and makes them want to click the 'Hail' button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is good grant dialogue with a well written story to draw the player in and makes them want to 'Accept' the mission. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "now I'm privilaged to call you warrior" to read "now I'm privileged to call you warrior"
Mission Task: The initial mission task appears to be misspelled. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Pilgrm" to read "Pilgrim".
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Boreth: This is a great map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Attendant dialogue, consider changing "respect to the monestary" to read "respect to the monastery".
-Consider changing the response button "I meant no disrespect, we are unfamiliar with monestary protocols" to read "I meant no disrespect, we are unfamiliar with monastery protocols".
Iffar - Arrival: This is a great map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Iffar - Resort: This is an excellent map design with good story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-During the task "Meet V'kan's Contacts" you should add Cetsa and V'kan characters to the group.
-Consider adding popup dialogue to one or more of the "Scan information terminals" tasks. It will help the story feel more dynamic.
Iffar - Y'ret Station: This is an outstanding map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Iffar - Attacked: This is a great map design with tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Rijar - Approach: This is a good map design with challenging battles and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The dialogue with the colonial governor, consider changing "Your fiend may help explain the situation" to read "Your friend may help explain the situation".
Rijar - Landing: This is an excellent map design with tough but fun combat and good story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The optional object interactions buttons have the default "Interact" label and should be changed to something appropriate to the interaction. For example, "Read" or "Access console".
Iffar - Complex: This is a great map design with very well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The meet with Administrators dialogue; consider changing "Murder, assult, theft, extortion" to read "Murder, assault, theft and extortion".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This is an outstanding mission that I really enjoyed playing and reviewing. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 3/1/2016 on forum posting for: The Starfleet Security Files (SSF) - Continuity V2.0 Out Now! .
I checked it's under the main browse tab- it shows up when I search for Dark Legacies or my name, just under "A Past Forgotten".
Not sure what's happening, you might try just flying over to the dyson sphere gateway?
The Foundry, and my love of Star Trek
I figured out what the issue is. Your minimum level is 57, which I do not have. None of my characters are that high a level, so this mission cannot be reviewed by me unless you reduce the requirement. Sorry about the confusion.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Regardless thanks for your time. The Level req would be the result of me using a couple Herald frigates and a cruiser group (29th century Terrans) and a ground group for Rankarsork's reappearance.
Also: I was looking for your mission Contamination (If I recall the name right) about a week ago but couldn't find it. Did You take it down?
The Foundry, and my love of Star Trek
Hi zionus0,
Appreciate the information. I figured it out when I was trouble shooting and found the level listing.
Anyway, I did not withdraw the Contamination mission. It is still available and I just verified that. Below is the information regarding that mission.
Mission Title: Contamination
Author: Evil70th
Project ID: ST-HOM98JB5K
Allegiance: Federation
Level: 16+
Hope you enjoy the mission.
Thanks again for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - Fires of Vengeance
Author: Gromio
Allegiance: Federation or Federation Romulan
Project ID: ST-HUW825NE7
Report Start
Summary: I went through several missions and got my main character up to level 57. It took a little while but it reminded me how much I like the game. Sometimes you can lose sight of that when you are evaluating missions for authors as much as I do. Speaking of evaluations, below is mine.
This is a good mission overall, even though I found a large number of spelling and grammatical errors in the dialogue. It almost felt like you were rushing the dialogue, which would be why you had a higher number of the errors than in previous missions. The mission is a good combination of map design, battles and well written story dialogue. I would definitely recommend the mission and the entire series. It was enjoyable all the way around and you hardly notice the time spent playing.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[OOC]Arriving at Delta Command you find it in shambels[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Arriving at Delta Command you find it in shambles[/OOC]"
-Consider changing "Fleet Admiral Nevalis still hans't returned from" to read "Fleet Admiral Nevalis still hasn't returned from".
MAPS:
Delta Quardent: This is a good map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the map name "Delta Quardent" to read "Delta Quadrant".
-The Fleet Admiral Nevalis dialogue; consider changing "I don't who this is" to read "I don't know who this is".
-Consider changing "forces at the dyson sphere" to read "forces at the Dyson sphere".
-Consider changing "reports of the undine attack on Sol" to read "reports of the Undine attack on Sol".
-Consider changing "I gathered everyship I could" to read "I gathered every ship I could".
-Consider changing "in the Delta Quardent exepct the undine" to read "in the Delta Quadrant except the Undine".
-Consider changing "toxin to make us attack eachother" to read "toxin to make us attack each other".
-Consider changing "Files, gatway codes, technology" to read "Files, gateway codes, technology".
-Consider changing the response button "Will you be abke to make repairs" to read "Will you be able to make repairs".
-Consider changing the response button "Evasive manuvers" to read "Evasive maneuvers".
-The post Second wave dialogue; consider changing "How intresting" to read "How interesting".
-Consider changing "The transission cut off Captain" to read "The transmission cut off Captain".
-Consider changing "They could have near limitilmss troops" to read "They could have near limitless troops".
-Consider changing "No captain I've been trying without succsess" to read "No Captain, I've been trying without success".
-Consider changing "everything I've ben trying as I attempt it" to read "everything I've been trying as I attempt it".
-Consider changing "we might be ale to learn" to read "we might be able to learn".
Asteroid Field: This is good map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial hostile engagement is too close together. Consider spreading them out to enable the player to engage them one at a time or reducing the total number to be engaged.
-The map transition dialogue; consider changing "I'm detecting multipel enemy groups and forcefields being brought on line" to read "I'm detecting multiple enemy groups and force fields being brought online".
-Consider changing the response button "Have addaditional teams standing by" to read "Have additional teams standing by".
Station Interior 1: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-All consoles, doors or other items that require or are optional for the player to use have a button labeled "Interact" which is the default entry. Consider changing them to something appropriate to the interaction. For example, "Access Console" or "Open Door", etc.
-The post Old Foes task dialogue, consider changing the response button "We go to office of course" to read "We go to the office, of course".
-Consider changing the response button "We do what we unfortunatly do best" to read "We do what we, unfortunately, do best".
-The console "Check logs on Dyson sphere" is off the ground and looks odd. Consider placing it on the deck.
-Consider changing the response button "Personel" to read "Personnel".
-Due to the number of spelling and grammatical errors noted in this review, from this point forward I will note the maps containing errors. It is up to you to go through the dialogue to locate and correct these errors. Consider checking all dialogue, response buttons, and interactions throughout this map to ensure there are no spelling or grammatical errors.
Station Interior 2: This is a good map design with several tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-I noted some spelling and grammatical errors on this map. Consider checking all dialogue and response buttons for spelling or grammatical errors.
-All consoles, doors or other items that require or are optional for the player to use have a button labeled "Interact".
Station Powercore Level: This is a good map design with several challenging battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the map name "Station Powercore Level" to read "Station Power Core Level".
-I noted some spelling and grammatical errors on this map. Consider checking all dialogue and response buttons for spelling or grammatical errors.
-All consoles, doors or other items that require or are optional for the player to use have a button labeled "Interact".
Asteroid Field: This is good map design tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-I noted some spelling and grammatical errors on this map. Consider checking all dialogue and response buttons for spelling or grammatical errors.
Galactic Edge: This is good map design with several tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-I noted some spelling and grammatical errors on this map. Consider checking all dialogue and response buttons for spelling or grammatical errors.
Vendetta shuttle Bay: This is good map design with several tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the map name "Vendetta shuttle Bay" to read "Vendetta Shuttle Bay".
-I noted some spelling and grammatical errors on this map. Consider checking all dialogue and response buttons for spelling or grammatical errors.
The Abyss: This is good map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-I noted some spelling and grammatical errors on this map. Consider checking all dialogue and response buttons for spelling or grammatical errors.
I.S.S. Vendetta-Bridge: This is good map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-I noted some spelling and grammatical errors on this map. Consider checking all dialogue and response buttons for spelling or grammatical errors.
Dyson Sphere: This is a nice map design with well written story dialogue and a good wrap up to the story. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with the series and this episode wraps the story nicely. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 03/18/2016 on forum posting for: Dark Legacies Part 5/5: Fires Of Vengeance Finale -Released-
I don't know what else to try.
The Foundry, and my love of Star Trek
No worries. Some, but not all of them were not so much misspellings as they were incorrect usage. The ones that were misspelled, it may be a setting in your word processor. Of course you have me and other players to catch the ones you miss.
Great mission and series. Thank you for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - Time's Favour Turns
Author: Gromio
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HUYA49NJQ
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission in the series although there were several locations in the dialogue that need work on spelling. The number of errors I came across almost made it feel as if you were rushing to complete the story. You need to take a look at all the dialogue throughout to make sure there are no errors. I am pretty sure I did not hit you for any Canadian spelling versus American English but if I did you can ignore those and resolve the others. The battles were tough but fun throughout with a few that were very tough in places. The map designs are great with a few things here and there that need to be adjusted. Overall I really enjoyed the mission and the series so far. I would definitely recommend this mission and the series to other players.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: The initial mission task is well written. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
MAPS:
Jantista Colony Orbit: This is a good map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue, consider changing the response button "by the united Federation of Planets" to read "by the United Federation of Planets".
Main Colony: This is a nice map design but some of the objects need to be adjusted as indicated below. There are several tough but fun battles and some of the dialogue needs work on spelling. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
The initial mission task, consider changing "Acsess Federation Communication Network" to read "Access Federation Communication Network".
-The Search of logs dialogue, consider changing "[OOC]call you recived was sent[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]call you received was sent[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]but there are many unacounted for[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]but there are many accounted for[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "that encrption code from the accedmy" to read "that encryption code from the academy".
-The mission task, consider changing "Speak to frightend woman" to read "Speak to frightened woman".
-The post task dialogue, consider changing "I don't belive you" to read "I don't believe you".
-Consider changing the response button "the first ship to recive your" to read "the first ship to receive your".
-Consider changing "my appoligies" to read "my apologies".
-Consider changing the response button "Whats going on here" to read "What's going on here".
-Consider changing the response button "Please contine" to read "Please continue".
-Consider changing the response button "[Summerize]" to read "[Summarize]".
-Consider changing "Look this isn't impornt right now" to read "Look this isn't important right now".
-Consider changing "compound is heavily gaurded" to read "compound is heavily guarded".
-Consider changing "I'd recomend sneaking around" to read "I'd recommend sheaking around".
-The building that is the objective at the end of the map needs to be lowered into the hill more. As it is currently set it looks odd.
Grand Ace: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles and some of the dialogue needs some work on spelling. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The dialogue with Claire, consider changing "been under seige here" to read "been under siege here".
-Consider changing the response button "Doesn't seem like theres many left" to read "Doesn’t seem like there’s many left".
-Consider changing "with real combat exerperiance" to read "with real combat experience".
-Removing the barricade button says "Interact" which is the default entry. Consider changing the button to read "Remove crates".
-The replicator button also says "Interact" which is the default entry. Consider changing the button to read "Access replicator".
-The map transfer dialogue, consider changing "[OOC]dark and crammped[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]dark and cramped[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]black jeffreis tube[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]black jefferies tube[/OOC]".
-Consider changing the response button "[Clikmb down into the dark]" to read [Climb down into the dark]".
Paterlarg’s Labouratory: This is a nice map design but some of the objects need to be adjusted as indicated below. There are several challenging battles and some of the dialogue needs work on spelling. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue, consider changing "about the jeffries tubes" to read "about the jefferies tubes".
-The mission task, consider changing "Look over Database consol" to read "Look over database console".
-Some of the consoles need to be lowered to touch the deck. They look like they are floating.
-The post mission task dialogue, consider changing "tranporters" to read "transporters".
-Consider changing "Theres mention of an iconain gate here Captain" to read "There’s mention of an Iconian gate here, Captain".
-Consider changing "cause irreprable damge" to read "cause irreparable damage".
-Consider changing "the damge thats already" to read "the damage that’s already".
-Consider changing "where his infomation came from" to read "where his information came from".
-The post Proceed to Main Lab dialogue, consider changing "inside one of my driods" to read "inside one of my droids".
-Consider changing "their experiances" to read "their experiences".
-Consider changing "be irrelenvant once" to read "be irrelevant once".
-Consider changing "be permitied to do" to read "be permitted to do".
-The post Find Main Control console task dialogue, consider changing the response button "Target infomation" to read "Target information".
-Consider changing the response button "Weapon distubtion" to read "Weapon distribution".
The Bridge (Taken): This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Deck 5: This is a good map design with several good battles. Some of the dialogue needs work on spelling. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post mission task Defend yourself dialogue, consider changing "I can’t belive this" to read "I can’t believe this".
-Consider changing "was Engsin Nokar" to read "was Ensign Nokar".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Your officers collaps to the ground[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Your officers collapse to the ground[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "What ever will I do the [Rank] is comming" to read "What ever will I do, the [Rank] is coming".
-Consider changing "i’ve already won" to read "I’ve already won".
-Consider changing the response button "You havn’t won" to read "You haven’t won".
-Consider changing "Quite ingenous" to read "Quite ingenious".
-Consider changing "I need some sampels" to read "I need some samples".
-Consider changing the response button "into the jefries tubes" to read "into the jefferies tube".
-The post mission task Find a survivor dialogue, consider changing "Last I chekced you were" to read "Last I checked you were".
-Consider changing "going to loose everything" to read "going to lose everything".
Deck 4: This is a good map design with several tough battles but the last one was particularly difficult. Some of the dialogue needs work on spelling. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post mission task Clear the Deck, consider changing "it is fourtunate you arrived" to read "it is fortunate you arrived".
-Consider changing "much more effecently" to read "much more efficiently".
-Consider changing the response button "Lets get to work" to read "Let’s get to work".
-Consider changing the mission task "Observe resulsts" to read "Observe results".
-The post mission task Observe resulsts dialogue, consider changing "Your more resourceful than I" to read "You’re more resourceful than I".
-Consider changing the response button "We’re comming for you" to read "We’re coming for you".
-The map transfer dialogue, consider changing "Brillant Captain" to read "Brilliant Captain".
-Consider changing "work i took the liborty" to read "work I took the liberty".
-Consider changing "be emergeny rebreathers in the jefries tube" to read "be emergency rebreathers in the jefferies tube".
The Bridge: This is a good map design with tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The personal log console button also says "Interact" which is the default entry. Consider changing the button to read "Access console".
-The personal log console should be moved to match the existing wall console. From there is could serve as a trigger for the console access.
-The post mission task Put antidote into the air dialogue, consider changing "[OOC]Her expresion chages into[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Her expression changes into[/OOC]".
-The Q dialogue, consider changing "That was quite enteraining" to read "That was quite entertaining".
Jantista Colony Orbit: This is a good map design with a challenging but fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue, consider changing the response button "I’m not familair with that name" to read "I’m not familiar with that name".
-The map transfer dialogue, consider changing "[OOC]You immeidatly set a course[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]You immediately set course[/OCC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Rishis watched securly in your brig[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Rishis watched securely in your brig[/OOC]".
Facility 4028: This is a good map design with well written story. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the dialogue to add a period after the word "enough" and before the word "Every".
-Consider changing "Every citezen of the Federation" to read "Every citizen of the Federation".
-Consider changing the response button "you have a moral compas" to read "you have a moral compass".
-The Mirror universe Victoria dialogue, consider changing "I never get out of becuase when I do" to read "I never get out of here because when I do".
-Consider changing the response button "But its a problem" to read "But it’s a problem".
-Consider changing the response button "wont be leaving here" to read "won’t be leaving here".
-The post mission dialogue, consider changing "and want to contine the story" to read "and want to continue the story".
-Consider changing the response button "[Finish: Times’s Favour Turns]" to read "[Finish: Time’s Favour Turns]".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 04/08/2016 on forum posting for: Dark Legacies 3 Published: Times Favor Turns.
Thank you for taking your time to review and to provide feedback and comments.
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Mission Name: SFI: Retrieval-Episode 2
Author: Logitech007
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJMYM05ZH
Starting location: Beha system in the Vulcan sector in the Beta Quadrant
Estimated Mission Length: 1-1.5 Hours
Story description: You and your ship finish delivering supplies to New Romulus, When Rear Admiral Jeff White from Starfleet Intelligence has a mission for you.
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Mission Name: SFI: Orb of Time-Episode 3
Author: Logitech007
Minimum Level: Any level
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HAW3KMQQI
Starting location: Andoria system in the Vulcan sector in the Beta Quadrant
Estimated Mission Length: 30 minutes to 1 hour
Story description: Lt. Vadik Winn from Starfleet Intelligence has called you to ask for a personal favor, with all the help she has given to you and your ship in the past, you have agreed to help her. You have been informed that the Orb of Time has been stolen but by whom and for what reason.
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Mission Name: SFI: The Phoenix-Episode 4
Author: Logitech007
Minimum Level: Any level
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HEPJZMLGW
Starting location: P'Jem system in the Vlucan sector in the Beta Quadrant
Estimated Mission Length: 45 Minutes to 1 hour
Story description: You and your team have caught up with the stolen Orb of Time. It was stolen by an old friend who is intent on changing the past. Will this person successful in changing the past. The clues from the past will help you and your crew put an end to a future threat. We will see how these characters all started their journey to where they are now.
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Mission Name: SFI: Ar Risalah
Author: Logitech007
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HHLDUIV24
Starting location: Vulcan system in the Vulcan sector in the Beta Quadrant
Estimated Mission Length: 1-1.5 Hours
Story description: After several deadly attacks by the Ar Risalah, the federation receives intelligence on where the operating base is located. Starfleet sends vessels to end this threat once and for all. The leader of the Ar Risalah is finally located.
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Mission Name: SFI: First Contact
Author: Logitech007
Minimum Level: Any level
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPUI3OB5W
Staring location: Pico in the Vulcan system in the Beta Quadrant.
Estimated Mission Length: 45 Minutes-1 hour
Story description: Starfleet Intelligence needs you and your crew to locate a missing Federation vessel. You soon come across the vessel with no life signs in low orbit of an inhabited planet which leads to first contact with a species that was believed to be long extinct.
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Sorry again for posting all 5 missions here, I through it be easy for it all be in one listing instead of all 5. Please post the review here. Thank you. I will make sure I as for reviews right away instead of waiting and I have been busy. Wont happen again.
Thanks again for taking your time to play, review and to leave feedback to my missions.
Logitech007