So I just posted my entry. It's another Commander Dylen story that's crazy long, but (I hope) worth the read.
By the way, thanks to the people that read my last entry, and the ones who gave me feedback, I really appreciate it.
(Just did a huge edit to fix the common problems that didn't show up in the preview. I'm going to have to write less or use no dialog next time. That edit hurt. lol)
Really nice entry :cool: For Dylen to have a shackles in her quarters, she's got to be a dirty girl :cool: I really liked the setup for what will no doubt lead to major Borg pwnage, and the name Val'Hannorr sounds amazing :cool:
That's not what we call "dirty", marcus. "Dirty" would be using a St. Andrew's Cross as foreplay. Using it to provide dinner entertainment is more "psychotic".
Well-written, flamesight. Interesting peek into the mind of the sort of person who rises high in the Tal'Shiar, especially under Hakeev. One note - you might want to find a way to set off the time period during which Dylen is enjoying her - ah - "guest's" performance; I was confused for a moment as to why her science officer was suddenly there at her meal, before realizing we'd had a jump-cut to the bridge.
(Also, there were a few missed quote marks, but honestly I scarcely noticed them, the story was just that good.)
flamesight: I really enjoy reading about Dylen-- she's so delightfully evil that its always a cross for me between hating her and admiring her intelligence. Plus, its always interesting seeing things from the sneaky, manipulative Tal Shiar perspective. My only complaint, however small, is that you seem to jump between scenes with no transition. In my experience, a few extra page breaks or even the insertion of several asterisks (****) between paragraphs is an effective way of letting the reader know you're switching scenes.
shevet: A great story, as always! It was very interesting reading from the paranoid Enterprise-era Imperial Guard perspective, though at first you made me think that the King Estmere had entered an alternate reality where the Federation had never existed. The reveal at the end wasn't what I was expecting, but still intriguing nonetheless.
morkintash: Loved it! It reminded me a lot of the good old days of TNG, when the ship and crew would have to find a way to overcome a strange spatial phenomenon. Although I couldn't help but think, midway through, that Nixon really, really wanted to throw Keruko out the airlock.
gorvar: Huzzah, the plot thickens! Just as I've been hoping, I appreciate that you're beginning to explore Doutra's race a bit.
cmdrscarlet: Intriguing concept! My only disappointment is that Kathryn and crew never got to physically enter the 'negative universe' and how it was different in person, but in all other respects it was a nice, short story.
danquelier: As cmdrscarlet pointed out, the story reminded me a lot of the novel Vendetta (re: Planet Killer vs Borg. Admittedly, the novel kind of fizzled halfway through). I really liked the solution to dealing with the Planet Killer in the end, and further like that you were writing from the perspective of a bridge officer-- it made the Commander appear all the more calm, collected and authoritative, which is an impression that wouldn't have come across if things had been done through her perspective. All in all, great job!
I'll post some more comments soonish. My coming-aboard-a-new-ship piece for my Fed character and crew is taking longer to write than I thought, and for this LC, I'm debating between a semi-decent Fed idea and a semi-decent KDF idea.
That's not what we call "dirty", marcus. "Dirty" would be using a St. Andrew's Cross as foreplay. Using it to provide dinner entertainment is more "psychotic".
For it to be in her quarters rather than an interrogation room, I suspect it sees both uses, and that Dylen is a bit of a Patrick Bateman when it comes to getting her jollies :cool: Of course, all pretty tame by Cardassian standards...
morkintash: Loved it! It reminded me a lot of the good old days of TNG, when the ship and crew would have to find a way to overcome a strange spatial phenomenon. Although I couldn't help but think, midway through, that Nixon really, really wanted to throw Keruko out the airlock.
Thanks! Working up on a second story, but this time one to better introduce the characters.
The river tells no lies. Though standing on the shore the dishonest man still hears them.
danquelier: As cmdrscarlet pointed out, the story reminded me a lot of the novel Vendetta (re: Planet Killer vs Borg. Admittedly, the novel kind of fizzled halfway through). I really liked the solution to dealing with the Planet Killer in the end, and further like that you were writing from the perspective of a bridge officer-- it made the Commander appear all the more calm, collected and authoritative, which is an impression that wouldn't have come across if things had been done through her perspective. All in all, great job!
Thanks very much! Glad you enjoyed the piece. Like many of the best stories, this one helped write itself, and hopefully I can keep doing good stuff for people to enjoy.
You are also right in that, had I told the tale from the Commander's point of view, she would not have been seen as having so steady a bearing (her ship was in one of the worst situations one can face, so you can bet she was anything but calm inside). However, one of the greatest skills and among the hardest to learn in any Commanding Officer is the ability to project confidence and steady those around you, despite what you yourself might be feeling. Glad she succeeded this time!
I feel like we need more time! Can you extend this pwebranflakes, like ya did the last one? I have so much to do! *Runs in circles like a chicken with his head cut off* Must finish story!
*Update: I added more content to my story. Please notify me of any bugs.
My entry is now finished, pretty much anyway. Once again, Grunt gets a new command.
Awesome entry, it's always a pleasure to read Grunt's adventures :cool: Equally, his trip to the Gamma quadrant now saves me from adding that to my entry, so things will remain as they are aboard the Valkyrie for another day :cool: The one and only issue I saw, is that Andorian bones don't break cleanly. Due to their bones having the tensile properties of cartilage, it requires more force to break them than a Human's bones, but when they break, they break messily... But other than that, a spot on entry, it'll be interesting to see if Grunt remains aboard the Hephaestus, (awesome name origin, by the way) or if he is assigned another ship
The one and only issue I saw, is that Andorian bones don't break cleanly. Due to their bones having the tensile properties of cartilage, it requires more force to break them than a Human's bones, but when they break, they break messily...
Thanks, I'll change that. All that time I spent finding an Andorian curse word, you'd think I would have taken a moment to look up their physiology...
Thanks, I'll change that. All that time I spent finding an Andorian curse word, you'd think I would have taken a moment to look up their physiology...
No problem The silly thing, is it's not mentioned on Memory Alpha or Beta (but they're vulnerable to editing by others) but other sites often mention it, and it was something which always stuck in my mind (I'm not 100%, but I think a reference is made to it when Shran breaks his leg in the ice cave and they get taken in by the Aenar...) I get the impression of 'greenstick', spiral fractures and other messy breaks, and Shelana would need definite treatment, rather than being able to 'tough it out' as a Human or Klingon could
You really have to sympathize with Grunt, given all that has happened to him over the course of his career. I'm hopeful that his transition to a T4 ship is smoother, and that he gets a brand-new Venture-Class as opposed to some old patchwork... again.
Also, what's your eventual plan for him? Assault Cruiser, Star Cruiser, Exploration Retro, Galaxy Dreadnought, or Odyssey? I'm honestly curious about that.
I also hope to get a chance for one of my characters to meet Grunt in-game. :cool:
Nice continuation of the story :cool: I'm now definitely wondering if Alice might have been responsible for the attack on Captain Carter, either intentionally as a Section 31 plant, or by some remote corruption of her subroutines by Section 31...
@patrickngo - awesome bit of background on K'tirr's name. And I loved the imagery of him licking Breen blood out of his fur. For some reason I have the mental picture of Breen blood having the color and consistency of anti-freeze...
@aetan66 - I assume the story doesn't end there? I'm really enjoying the story so far. Down the Rabbit-Hole indeed! Curiouser and curiouser...
@shevat - I'm sensing heavy influence from VOY: "Bliss" but I really enjoyed the way you turned everyone into stereotypes of their own race when they encountered this thing. Very thought provoking and entertaining read! I don't think the crew of the Tiburon would have fared nearly so well, as Jesu LaRoca to date hasn't shown an ounce of self-doubt - total opposite in fact.
@flamesight - what a delightfully wicked story! I actually lol'd at Commander Dylen's idea of "dinner theater." Yes, I know I'm a terrible person. I think what I enjoyed most of all was how callous she was about the casualties. Great of example of how the Tal Shiar - rather than being the "protectors of the Romulan People" they purport to be, don't care about people at all.
@jonsills - and I thought present-day sailors were bad - your crew probably has fifty different words for f**k and they probably use them all over the course of an average day in space... Gotta love that resourcefulness though.
@superhombre - great job continuing the story arc! I find it interesting that when a spaceship from the future blasts the Reaper everyone thinks "Section 31's come back to finish the job" and not my thought: "Maybe the future is better off without Captain Carter..."
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
I blame my slow reading speed on the DS9 novel series Mission Gamma.
@ gorvar1 - that was a nice first entry. You have a few minor spelling and grammar issues to clean up, but nothing major.
I haven't been paying all that much attention to the Gorn in STO, but I thought there were more than two castes. (Or maybe I am remembering the mediocre Typhon Pact novel Seize the Fire incorrectly.) It's almost better for there to be more than two castes but Doutra (and most humanoids) don't know that since the Gorn are so secretive.
@ cmdrscarlet - in my (not humble) opinion, alternate universes like you describe should be more common in fiction, so thank you. If there are an infinite number of universes, then an infinite number of them could have different physical constants, or different interactions during the formation of the universe that drastically alter everything, or at least enemies that don't look just like us.
Done with mine Lemme know what you guys liked, and please feel free to offer (construcitve :rolleyes:) criticism.
Interesting read! I find the idea of the Mirror Trill to be perversely fascinating (shades of TNG: "Conspiracy") and I really enjoyed his legal justification for interfering with the alternate reality. Not entirely sure how our Trill government would feel about having a bunch of doppelgangers running around though...
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
Done with mine :-D Lemme know what you guys liked, and please feel free to offer (construcitve :rolleyes:) criticism.
Very nice :cool: Of course, the MU Trill situation has been mentioned before, but the mention of the Nightingale and King Estmere made that a really nice piece of continuity of the LC verse :cool: In terms of critique, I have only one point to note: Admiral Blaze had given Bryan command of the fleet, and he'd given them their formation orders, thus, he didn't need to take command of the fleet when the Serephea was destroyed, as he was already running the show Also, as noted, your tactical group is now an Admiral down, and despite his promotion, as a commanding officer, Bryan may not always be available to be part of their think tank, thus I'd like to offer you the use of Admiral Jedda Tobin, Marcus' former first officer aboard the Endeavour to fill that space. An unjoined Trill, she enjoys snow-boarding and particle physics. In her youth, I would have had Bridget Moynahan portray her, but following the STO 30 year time jump, I would now cast Charlotte Rampling ^_^
Interesting read! I find the idea of the Mirror Trill to be perversely fascinating (shades of TNG: "Conspiracy") and I really enjoyed his legal justification for interfering with the alternate reality. Not entirely sure how our Trill government would feel about having a bunch of doppelgangers running around though...
Thanks I spent half a day pouring over the Prime Directive and Starfleet General Orders and Regulations pages on Memory Alpha looking for ways Bryan might be able to justify his point to the Admirals.
Not sure how they'll handle it either. I'll prolly get around to writing about that eventually
Very nice Of course, the MU Trill situation has been mentioned before, but the mention of the Nightingale and King Estmere made that a really nice piece of continuity of the LC verse In terms of critique, I have only one point to note: Admiral Blaze had given Bryan command of the fleet, and he'd given them their formation orders, thus, he didn't need to take command of the fleet when the Serephea was destroyed, as he was already running the show Also, as noted, your tactical group is now an Admiral down, and despite his promotion, as a commanding officer, Bryan may not always be available to be part of their think tank, thus I'd like to offer you the use of Admiral Jedda Tobin, Marcus' former first officer aboard the Endeavour to fill that space. An unjoined Trill, she enjoys snow-boarding and particle physics. In her youth, I would have had Bridget Moynahan portray her, but following the STO 30 year time jump, I would now cast Charlotte Rampling ^_^
Thanks! I figured that might make an interesting idea to tie together different stories. Glad to know that it worked.
As for the point you made, I may stick in or change a few lines of dialog in the battle scene to fix that.
As for borrowing Admiral Tobin, I might just do that . Bryan is really not the armchair admiral sort
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
Thanks! :-D I figured that might make an interesting idea to tie together different stories. Glad to know that it worked.
As for the point you made, I may stick in or change a few lines of dialog in the battle scene to fix that.
As for borrowing Admiral Tobin, I might just do that . Bryan is really not the armchair admiral sort :-D
It's a subject which definitely deserved to be addressed, rather than written off as a Prime Directive matter, so I think you handled it really nicely :cool:
I figured Bryan wouldn't be the kind of Admiral to get desk-bound, although I suspect Jedda's gotten rather comfortable being desk-bound She probably won't object to Bryan's actions, as she's never been hellishly 'by the book', but also finds the entire concept of joining repulsive, so would be grateful to Bryan for saving her countymen from what she looks on as a violation of free will, so will probably have his back more than she'll let on (I named the character after Jedda Walker and Justine Tobin, and she and Marcus were only ever friends and colleagues )
It's a subject which definitely deserved to be addressed, rather than written off as a Prime Directive matter, so I think you handled it really nicely
I figured Bryan wouldn't be the kind of Admiral to get desk-bound, although I suspect Jedda's gotten rather comfortable being desk-bound She probably won't object to Bryan's actions, as she's never been hellishly 'by the book', but also finds the entire concept of joining repulsive, so would be grateful to Bryan for saving her countymen from what she looks on as a violation of free will, so will probably have his back more than she'll let on (I named the character after Jedda Walker and Justine Tobin, and she and Marcus were only ever friends and colleagues )
Bryan tends to be a little stubborn when he wants something done (hence why Admiral Yanishev called him a loose cannon :rolleyes: ). And, from the sounds of it, Ibalei and Admiral Tobin are going to be great friends [/sarcasm]
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
Comments
Really nice entry :cool: For Dylen to have a shackles in her quarters, she's got to be a dirty girl :cool: I really liked the setup for what will no doubt lead to major Borg pwnage, and the name Val'Hannorr sounds amazing :cool:
Well-written, flamesight. Interesting peek into the mind of the sort of person who rises high in the Tal'Shiar, especially under Hakeev. One note - you might want to find a way to set off the time period during which Dylen is enjoying her - ah - "guest's" performance; I was confused for a moment as to why her science officer was suddenly there at her meal, before realizing we'd had a jump-cut to the bridge.
(Also, there were a few missed quote marks, but honestly I scarcely noticed them, the story was just that good.)
flamesight: I really enjoy reading about Dylen-- she's so delightfully evil that its always a cross for me between hating her and admiring her intelligence. Plus, its always interesting seeing things from the sneaky, manipulative Tal Shiar perspective. My only complaint, however small, is that you seem to jump between scenes with no transition. In my experience, a few extra page breaks or even the insertion of several asterisks (****) between paragraphs is an effective way of letting the reader know you're switching scenes.
shevet: A great story, as always! It was very interesting reading from the paranoid Enterprise-era Imperial Guard perspective, though at first you made me think that the King Estmere had entered an alternate reality where the Federation had never existed. The reveal at the end wasn't what I was expecting, but still intriguing nonetheless.
morkintash: Loved it! It reminded me a lot of the good old days of TNG, when the ship and crew would have to find a way to overcome a strange spatial phenomenon. Although I couldn't help but think, midway through, that Nixon really, really wanted to throw Keruko out the airlock.
gorvar: Huzzah, the plot thickens! Just as I've been hoping, I appreciate that you're beginning to explore Doutra's race a bit.
cmdrscarlet: Intriguing concept! My only disappointment is that Kathryn and crew never got to physically enter the 'negative universe' and how it was different in person, but in all other respects it was a nice, short story.
danquelier: As cmdrscarlet pointed out, the story reminded me a lot of the novel Vendetta (re: Planet Killer vs Borg. Admittedly, the novel kind of fizzled halfway through). I really liked the solution to dealing with the Planet Killer in the end, and further like that you were writing from the perspective of a bridge officer-- it made the Commander appear all the more calm, collected and authoritative, which is an impression that wouldn't have come across if things had been done through her perspective. All in all, great job!
I'll post some more comments soonish. My coming-aboard-a-new-ship piece for my Fed character and crew is taking longer to write than I thought, and for this LC, I'm debating between a semi-decent Fed idea and a semi-decent KDF idea.
As for the formatting, I promise there actually was some distinction between jump cuts. I just forgot to add it back in when I edited last night.
For it to be in her quarters rather than an interrogation room, I suspect it sees both uses, and that Dylen is a bit of a Patrick Bateman when it comes to getting her jollies :cool: Of course, all pretty tame by Cardassian standards...
Thanks! Working up on a second story, but this time one to better introduce the characters.
Thanks very much! Glad you enjoyed the piece. Like many of the best stories, this one helped write itself, and hopefully I can keep doing good stuff for people to enjoy.
You are also right in that, had I told the tale from the Commander's point of view, she would not have been seen as having so steady a bearing (her ship was in one of the worst situations one can face, so you can bet she was anything but calm inside). However, one of the greatest skills and among the hardest to learn in any Commanding Officer is the ability to project confidence and steady those around you, despite what you yourself might be feeling. Glad she succeeded this time!
*Update: I added more content to my story. Please notify me of any bugs.
Awesome entry, it's always a pleasure to read Grunt's adventures :cool: Equally, his trip to the Gamma quadrant now saves me from adding that to my entry, so things will remain as they are aboard the Valkyrie for another day :cool: The one and only issue I saw, is that Andorian bones don't break cleanly. Due to their bones having the tensile properties of cartilage, it requires more force to break them than a Human's bones, but when they break, they break messily... But other than that, a spot on entry, it'll be interesting to see if Grunt remains aboard the Hephaestus, (awesome name origin, by the way) or if he is assigned another ship
No problem
You really have to sympathize with Grunt, given all that has happened to him over the course of his career. I'm hopeful that his transition to a T4 ship is smoother, and that he gets a brand-new Venture-Class as opposed to some old patchwork... again.
Also, what's your eventual plan for him? Assault Cruiser, Star Cruiser, Exploration Retro, Galaxy Dreadnought, or Odyssey? I'm honestly curious about that.
I also hope to get a chance for one of my characters to meet Grunt in-game. :cool:
Nice continuation of the story :cool: I'm now definitely wondering if Alice might have been responsible for the attack on Captain Carter, either intentionally as a Section 31 plant, or by some remote corruption of her subroutines by Section 31...
@ marcusdkane - I had to look up the Barzan wormhole. Your research (or memory) continues to surprise me.
Update
Thanks, I've watched a lot of Trek
@aetan66 - I assume the story doesn't end there? I'm really enjoying the story so far. Down the Rabbit-Hole indeed! Curiouser and curiouser...
@shevat - I'm sensing heavy influence from VOY: "Bliss" but I really enjoyed the way you turned everyone into stereotypes of their own race when they encountered this thing. Very thought provoking and entertaining read! I don't think the crew of the Tiburon would have fared nearly so well, as Jesu LaRoca to date hasn't shown an ounce of self-doubt - total opposite in fact.
@flamesight - what a delightfully wicked story! I actually lol'd at Commander Dylen's idea of "dinner theater." Yes, I know I'm a terrible person. I think what I enjoyed most of all was how callous she was about the casualties. Great of example of how the Tal Shiar - rather than being the "protectors of the Romulan People" they purport to be, don't care about people at all.
@jonsills - and I thought present-day sailors were bad - your crew probably has fifty different words for f**k and they probably use them all over the course of an average day in space... Gotta love that resourcefulness though.
@superhombre - great job continuing the story arc! I find it interesting that when a spaceship from the future blasts the Reaper everyone thinks "Section 31's come back to finish the job" and not my thought: "Maybe the future is better off without Captain Carter..."
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
Thanks! Curiouser indeed!:D
Major update today! Hopefully it will make sense.
Comments and feedback appreciated as well!
I've enjoyed the stories so far, and only hope my own will be completed in time. Or that by the time I finish it it won't break the post.:rolleyes:
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
@ gorvar1 - that was a nice first entry. You have a few minor spelling and grammar issues to clean up, but nothing major.
I haven't been paying all that much attention to the Gorn in STO, but I thought there were more than two castes. (Or maybe I am remembering the mediocre Typhon Pact novel Seize the Fire incorrectly.) It's almost better for there to be more than two castes but Doutra (and most humanoids) don't know that since the Gorn are so secretive.
@ cmdrscarlet - in my (not humble) opinion, alternate universes like you describe should be more common in fiction, so thank you. If there are an infinite number of universes, then an infinite number of them could have different physical constants, or different interactions during the formation of the universe that drastically alter everything, or at least enemies that don't look just like us.
I don't think there's any length or character limit to the posts.
I've copy/pasted 30+ pages from MS Word for a couple of LCs with nary a hitch...
Interesting read! I find the idea of the Mirror Trill to be perversely fascinating (shades of TNG: "Conspiracy") and I really enjoyed his legal justification for interfering with the alternate reality. Not entirely sure how our Trill government would feel about having a bunch of doppelgangers running around though...
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
Very nice :cool: Of course, the MU Trill situation has been mentioned before, but the mention of the Nightingale and King Estmere made that a really nice piece of continuity of the LC verse :cool: In terms of critique, I have only one point to note: Admiral Blaze had given Bryan command of the fleet, and he'd given them their formation orders, thus, he didn't need to take command of the fleet when the Serephea was destroyed, as he was already running the show
Thanks
Not sure how they'll handle it either. I'll prolly get around to writing about that eventually
Thanks!
As for the point you made, I may stick in or change a few lines of dialog in the battle scene to fix that.
As for borrowing Admiral Tobin, I might just do that . Bryan is really not the armchair admiral sort
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
I figured Bryan wouldn't be the kind of Admiral to get desk-bound, although I suspect Jedda's gotten rather comfortable being desk-bound
Bryan tends to be a little stubborn when he wants something done (hence why Admiral Yanishev called him a loose cannon :rolleyes: ). And, from the sounds of it, Ibalei and Admiral Tobin are going to be great friends
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta