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Literary Challenge #44 Discussion Thread

pwebranflakespwebranflakes Member Posts: 7,741
edited June 2013 in Ten Forward
Literary Challenge #44 : Down the Rabbit Hole
This is the comments thread for Literary Challenge #44 : Down the Rabbit Hole.
We also have an Index of previous challenges HERE.

Feel free to link directly to the entry you are commenting on. And please remember: we're not here to tear each other up. Do not troll your fellow Captains, give feedback! Let the others know what you liked and disliked. Maybe they can even go back then and tweak their entries!

Let's get those creative juices flowing! :cool:
Post edited by pwebranflakes on
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    cosmonaut12345cosmonaut12345 Member Posts: 114 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    Commander Rose Sharon, haunted by visions of the past, encounters someone else whose life was changed by the people of the mid-24th century.
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    jonsillsjonsills Member Posts: 10,399 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    Good story about Cmdr. Sharon. Glad she managed to keep her cool - despite everything.

    I'd been looking for a seed to a story about how Cmdr. Grunt came into possession of the heavy cruiser USS Hephaestus. This may give me the opening I need to make the damn thing finally come to fruition and get out of my head. :)
    Lorna-Wing-sig.png
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    cmdrscarletcmdrscarlet Member Posts: 5,137 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    Now this was an unexpected turn of topic ...

    Well done :)

    @cosmonaut12345 - I had to read the passage a couple of times to grasp what was happening and reading your post in this forum helped. Then again, I'm reading at work so anything may be my fault. I'm a fan of the last paragraph - there's something awesome about it.
    Kathryn S. Beringer - Endless Excelsior - Veritatum Liquido Cernerne - a proud off-meta build
    TT2r1Y3.png
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    cosmonaut12345cosmonaut12345 Member Posts: 114 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    For those who didn't follow my Character Study thread, Rose Sharon is my Fed Borg Engineering BOFF.

    A mid-24th century Iotian, assimilated by the Borg, and with a deep and abiding hatred for them. (And she still looks like the Borg Boff, albeit in a Sierra uniform, so that guy from Hugh's colony thought she might be a sympathetic ear...)

    She sounds a bit like Arleen Sorkin in my head.
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    cmdrscarletcmdrscarlet Member Posts: 5,137 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    For those who didn't follow my Character Study thread ...

    AHA - well then ... I guess I have some extra reading to do.
    Kathryn S. Beringer - Endless Excelsior - Veritatum Liquido Cernerne - a proud off-meta build
    TT2r1Y3.png
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    sander233sander233 Member Posts: 3,992 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    cosmonaut12345 wrote: »
    Commander Rose Sharon, haunted by visions of the past, encounters someone else whose life was changed by the people of the mid-24th century.

    Great little piece! I love characters who don't recognize their own contradictions - or perhaps are all too aware of them and force themselves to ignore them. Cmdr. Sharon I suspect is the latter.

    By the way, if Sharon is an Iotian, doesn't that mean the Collective also knows all about Chicago Mobs of the Twenties? Perhaps they know how to adapt to a Thompson M1921 after all...
    16d89073-5444-45ad-9053-45434ac9498f.png~original

    ...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
    - Anne Bredon
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    takeshi6takeshi6 Member Posts: 752 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    Interesting challenge this time around. :)

    Not sure if I'll come up with a piece for this one or not, but I'll certainly read everything that everyone else writes, and maybe post feedback!! :D :cool:
    76561198160276582.png
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    ambassadormolariambassadormolari Member Posts: 709 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    Huzzah, more of the Robert April and her crew!

    Wonderfully-written piece. You captured all of the teeth-grinding anxiety of Rose's PTS quite vividly, and I could practically feel her reaching the bursting point before she had to have one of her BOFFs take over.

    Agreed with takeshi, this is an interesting topic that I'll have to think on. Before I write on it, though, I'm going to write Arkos and crew getting a new ship (though first I have to decide WHICH of my in-game ships I'm going to use...)
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    sander233sander233 Member Posts: 3,992 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    As for me, I have too much to catch up on (The Road to Ruin, my Romulan Arc, more backstory from LC 40, etc.) and I can't think of anything to write into this topic - at least nothing as compelling as what I'm already working on.

    Look forward to reading everyone else's entries though!
    16d89073-5444-45ad-9053-45434ac9498f.png~original

    ...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
    - Anne Bredon
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    marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    cosmonaut12345 wrote: »
    For those who didn't follow my Character Study thread, Rose Sharon is my Fed Borg Engineering BOFF.

    A mid-24th century Iotian, assimilated by the Borg, and with a deep and abiding hatred for them. (And she still looks like the Borg Boff, albeit in a Sierra uniform, so that guy from Hugh's colony thought she might be a sympathetic ear...)

    She sounds a bit like Arleen Sorkin in my head.

    Very nice entry, as mentioned above, a nice portrayal of someone very much traumatised by their past :cool:
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    cosmonaut12345cosmonaut12345 Member Posts: 114 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    Thanks for all the positive comments, everybody.

    Rose's intense hatred of the Borg is complicated by a strong streak of mid-24th century culture - she hates hating the Borg, but can't make the nightmarish memories of her assimilation go away. She can't leave Starfleet: there's nothing waiting for her back on Iotia, and people will be primarily interested not in her engineering expertise but the knowledge of Borg technology that she feels dirty for knowing.
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    marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    Just a quick peek at the lower decks this time round :cool:

    For ease of reference/visualization, here're the actors I would cast if I was filming this tomorrow...

    Todd Mitchell -Thomas Dekker
    Claire - Lacey Chabert
    Amanda Palmer - Courtney Cox
    T'Natra - Gal Gadot
    Brandon Mayer - Jason Lewis
    Bellic Chanos - Vin Diesel
    Arlandria Chambers - Emily VanCamp
    Will Mayer - Milo Ventimiglia
    Tilly Campbell-Black - Helen Flanagan
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    cmdrscarletcmdrscarlet Member Posts: 5,137 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    @marcus - Simple and effective = elegant.

    You posted my idea first! :P
    Kathryn S. Beringer - Endless Excelsior - Veritatum Liquido Cernerne - a proud off-meta build
    TT2r1Y3.png
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    cosmonaut12345cosmonaut12345 Member Posts: 114 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    Good to hear from the Barzan wormhole again! Nice to see that not every moment in the 25th century is an unspeakable crisis...
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    marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    cmdrscarlet wrote: »
    @marcus - Simple and effective = elegant.

    You posted my idea first! :P

    Thanks, I wasn't inspired enough for a big entry or anything sinister coming through the wormhole, just to have a short entry (which finally gave me the opportunity to show Will Mayer)

    Sorry for beating you to the punch though, I just didn't fancy stranding the crew in the Delta or Gamma quadrants :o
    cosmonaut12345 wrote: »
    Good to hear from the Barzan wormhole again! Nice to see that not every moment in the 25th century is an unspeakable crisis...

    I figured 30 years floating around subspace would be enough time for it to settle :D And indeed, I figured that as a survey vessel, it was time for the Valkyrie to engage in some research :cool:
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    gorvar1gorvar1 Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    Posted mine, decided to continue Doutra's storyline while introducing some bridge crew members, including a Gorn mad scientist because....-shrug-
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    morkintashmorkintash Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    So, uhh... Hi. Posted my story.
    Let me know what you think. It's my first Star Trek story ever so let me know of any... conflicts.
    I feel like some of the characters don't have enough substance and the overall quality seems rushed, but oh well, it's a short story.
    I've noticed that the word editor seems to have some problems with changing ( " ) and ( ' ) into question marks. I had to go back through and change everyone one of the question marks back... And that took forever.
    The river tells no lies. Though standing on the shore the dishonest man still hears them.
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    gorvar1gorvar1 Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    morkintash wrote: »
    So, uhh... Hi. Posted my story.
    Let me know what you think. It's my first Star Trek story ever so let me know of any... conflicts.
    I feel like some of the characters don't have enough substance and the overall quality seems rushed, but oh well, it's a short story.
    I've noticed that the word editor seems to have some problems with changing ( " ) and ( ' ) into question marks. I had to go back through and change everyone one of the question marks back... And that took forever.

    I feel your pain brah haha, had the same issue for mine as well.
    I liked it, it was very Star Trek-e with space trying to kill you and wormholes and whatnot. Kudos, deffo want to see more.
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    marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    morkintash wrote: »
    So, uhh... Hi. Posted my story.
    Let me know what you think. It's my first Star Trek story ever so let me know of any... conflicts.
    I feel like some of the characters don't have enough substance and the overall quality seems rushed, but oh well, it's a short story.
    I've noticed that the word editor seems to have some problems with changing ( " ) and ( ' ) into question marks. I had to go back through and change everyone one of the question marks back... And that took forever.

    I have to admit, I did find the text color a bit distracting, but I really enjoyed the story :cool: I hope you'll be participating in future literary challenges :cool:
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    marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    gorvar1 wrote: »
    Posted mine, decided to continue Doutra's storyline while introducing some bridge crew members, including a Gorn mad scientist because....-shrug-

    Really solid entry :cool: The character development was great, and I loved the mental image of a twitchy Gorn :cool:
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    gorvar1gorvar1 Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    Thanks!
    Although I noticed for a Romulan storyline...I dont have many Romulans on my ship haha.
    Made a few edits here and there.
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    marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    gorvar1 wrote: »
    Thanks!
    Although I noticed for a Romulan storyline...I dont have many Romulans on my ship haha.

    Multiculturalism for the win :cool:

    @ cmdrscarlet: Awesome concept of the anti-verse, and a sneaky peak into Kathryn's past :cool:
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    morkintashmorkintash Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    marcusdkane wrote: »
    I have to admit, I did find the text color a bit distracting, but I really enjoyed the story :cool: I hope you'll be participating in future literary challenges :cool:

    Thanks! I was trying to go with a rough LCARS theme with orange and purple texts. :P
    I'll try and be a little more active with the forums and literary challenges, can't guarantee anything though. Usually a busy person outside of my computer game world.
    Next time I'll work on character development and story pace, because they all seem rather flat to me at the moment.
    gorvar1 wrote: »
    I liked it, it was very Star Trek-e with space trying to kill you and wormholes and whatnot. Kudos, deffo want to see more.

    Thanks!
    The river tells no lies. Though standing on the shore the dishonest man still hears them.
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    danquellerdanqueller Member Posts: 503 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    Added my own entry. Hope to get to read the other entries in the next few days!
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    jonsillsjonsills Member Posts: 10,399 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    If you're using a Windows system, try typing your story up in Notepad. The punctuation translates to the forums perfectly.

    Jon's post, supplemental: Solid entry, danqueller. Good use of imagery, and it's nice to see somebody in-universe puzzled by how such a mass of neutronium (the densest matter possible in the universe, consisting of nothing but neutrons) can exist without collapsing into a solid ball and drawing everything nearby into a collision course.
    Lorna-Wing-sig.png
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    danquellerdanqueller Member Posts: 503 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    jonsills wrote: »

    Jon's post, supplemental: Solid entry, danqueller. Good use of imagery, and it's nice to see somebody in-universe puzzled by how such a mass of neutronium (the densest matter possible in the universe, consisting of nothing but neutrons) can exist without collapsing into a solid ball and drawing everything nearby into a collision course.

    Thanks!

    I've always considered the neutronium used in the Engineering modules in-game to use a fine sliver of manufactured, impure neutronium, which still provides the strongest hull material known but doesn't have a notable gravitational field to worry about. The amount on the Killer is much purer (maybe even mined from neutron stars themselves), and the fact that the race that built it could manipulate that kind of quantities and negate the gravitational effects says all I think needs be said about just how far they still are from the races of the Galaxy in STO :)

    Edit: I edited the final confrontation to make it flow better. Enjoy!
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    gorvar1gorvar1 Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    @ danqueller

    A nicely paced story with good technobabble...sorry, actual scientific fact that backs it up :D.
    Shows you i need to start watching Carl Sagan more often. Anyways, it was really good and it did remind me of a few episodes, Next Gen and Enterprise, where the crew had to flee/fight off a enemy that was WAY out of their league. Really, kudos. Love Rycho the most in this. He's like Wash from Firefly kinda.

    @ cmdrscarlet

    A nice and short story. No offense to those who do longer stories but sometimes i like my fics a little shorter :D.
    It's a building up a larger storyline one and the idea of ANOTHER universe is an interesting playground to explore. Kudos.
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    marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    morkintash wrote: »

    Thanks! I was trying to go with a rough LCARS theme with orange and purple texts. :P
    I'll try and be a little more active with the forums and literary challenges, can't guarantee anything though. Usually a busy person outside of my computer game world.
    Next time I'll work on character development and story pace, because they all seem rather flat to me at the moment.


    Thanks!
    Ah, I didn't realise that :D I really enjoyed the story though :) Something which was suggested to me when I started writing in the LC's, was to use more spacing between segments to make things easier on the eye than appearing as a 'wall of text', and I have to admit, I've noticed the difference it makes to presentation :)
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    marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    @ danqueller: As always, another strong entry, the tension of the chase was palpable, and it'll be great to see more of Rycho in future entries :)

    @ patrickngo: Nice tight action, and well developed scenes, that's a really solid piece :cool:
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    cmdrscarletcmdrscarlet Member Posts: 5,137 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    Thank you for feedback gang! Today is catch-up reading day for me so I will post thoughts on other entries later :)

    Here is my cast list for this episode:

    Kathryn Beringer - Rachel Nichols
    Anthi Ythysi - Katheryn Winnek
    Karl Melango - Jeremy Renner
    Thel Ythysi - Kevin Sorbo
    Morgan Kell - Ben Browder
    Omazei - Malin Ackerman
    Kathryn S. Beringer - Endless Excelsior - Veritatum Liquido Cernerne - a proud off-meta build
    TT2r1Y3.png
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