@ aten66 - Very interesting idea! if I had a suggestion it would be to explain Gregs' motivation to allow a crewed shuttle to go into the wormhole. At first he said it was too risky, then in one sentence he allowed the shuttle visit without justification other than taking "Z's request into consideration. Z's reasoning seems unwarranted related to the risk. I dunno, Gregs' sudden reversal really caught me by surprise so maybe I'm seeing things differently. Other than that I think your idea was very "trekkie"
He trust's Z's instincts to check out the wormhole!
Best way to follow through is how all captains have figured things out, send in their first officer! Then when things go bad, bring the captain in to fix his/her problems they created!
I think i really strayed from the main suggestion as putting it in seemed like more of an afterthought. Please let me know what you think.
Excellent entry :cool: I felt the 'group hug' at the end was a bit overly sentimental, given Wraith and Donovan had not really witnessed anything which T'Pal had been put through. Other than that, nice work :cool:
He trust's Z's instincts to check out the wormhole!
Best way to follow through is how all captains have figured things out, send in their first officer! Then when things go bad, bring the captain in to fix his/her problems they created!
Edit: Plus, he was just messing with her head.
Well ... yeah I guess I was looking for the explanation. Otherwise, it "just happened". I get it though.
@ ambassadormolari ... I am chomping at the bit to read the rest!
Okay, I've just posted the second half of my story. Note that there were a few name changes here and there-- the Klingon First Officer, just because there were two many crewmembers with names beginning with "R" (odd reason, I know), and the Orion helmswoman because I realized that there is already a character in LoR named Satra.
As for some of the other stories:
wraithshadow: Loved it! Probably one of the best "main character vs evil mirror counterpart" stories I've read thus far, especially since you did a lot to establish just how bad a guy Mirror Donovan was. He had an especially interesting villainous motivation, ie surrogate suicide. The space battle was also very well done, especially since you didn't make this an easy battle at all for the Geist and crew.
ironphoenix: A nice bit of fleet action there! Unlike wraithshadow's story, I actually found it rather refreshing that the Mirror crew member in this story wasn't evil. It reminded me a bit of one of my own stories, where again a Mirror Universe refugee came seeking help, but you actually had Starfleet going out and delivering that help. The end result was pretty awesome, and I like the way Valot managed to manouver the tricky legal grounds of the Prime Directive to do so. Overall, well done!
marcusdkane: A nice short piece, and as others have pointed out, I liked the nod to canon by referencing the Barzan Wormhole.
patrickngo: As usual, an awesome story. I really liked the glimpse into the Ferasan culture and mindset that you gave, especially with regards to K'tirr's fighting style-- how he uses the psychological effect of a giant predator cat pouncing and mauling things to his advantage. Overall, really awesome introductory story to K'tirr, and as usual, I liked your exploration of an otherwise little-known species.
jonsills: Huzzah, more adventures from the unluckiest crew in Starfleet! I can't help but wonder, though, at what sort of derogatory nickname the Hephaestus will acquire, given Grunt's unfortunate history with ship names.
superhombre: Nicely done, and as always, its nice to see things from ch'Raul's perspective (and come to think of it, I'm intrigued at how deeply flawed so many of your crew seem to be.) The way you wrote T'Panna's emotional instability was particularly interesting-- it reminded me in more ways than one of poor Sarek. I'm very interested to see where you go with this arc in future
jonsills: Huzzah, more adventures from the unluckiest crew in Starfleet! I can't help but wonder, though, at what sort of derogatory nickname the Hephaestus will acquire, given Grunt's unfortunate history with ship names.
Truth be told, I've always thought of them as one of the luckiest crews in Starfleet - weird stuff happens to everybody out there, but somehow Grunt always manages to get his people out of it mostly intact. (Even the destruction of the Hypatia killed less than three percent of her crew.) And the Bastogne survived transit through a randomly-appearing wormhole that's destroyed a large number of other ships - well, for certain values of "survived"...
As for a nickname for the Hephaestus, given her appearance on returning to Federation space, I was thinking the shipwrights at DS9 might have started calling her the Herpes. (Oh, and for those really concerned for poor Grunt, when he hit Captain he got a brand-new ship, still with that fresh-warp-coolant smell, the exploration cruiser Bedford.)
Truth be told, I've always thought of them as one of the luckiest crews in Starfleet - weird stuff happens to everybody out there, but somehow Grunt always manages to get his people out of it mostly intact. (Even the destruction of the Hypatia killed less than three percent of her crew.) And the Bastogne survived transit through a randomly-appearing wormhole that's destroyed a large number of other ships - well, for certain values of "survived"...
As for a nickname for the Hephaestus, given her appearance on returning to Federation space, I was thinking the shipwrights at DS9 might have started calling her the Herpes.
(Oh, and for those really concerned for poor Grunt, when he hit Captain he got a brand-new ship, still with that fresh-warp-coolant smell, the exploration cruiser Bedford.)
Good to hear it.
I think the thread for Lit Challenge 40 [Redux] is still open, even if it isn't the main challenge of the moment, and I think I'd like to see a post detailing Grunt first stepping aboard the Bedford, and realizing that after three different patchwork ships, things are finally looking up... and I'm also curious as to what ship he's going to be in once you max him out in-game. :cool:
Excellent entry :cool: I felt the 'group hug' at the end was a bit overly sentimental, given Wraith and Donovan had not really witnessed anything which T'Pal had been put through. Other than that, nice work :cool:
well the captain himself had been through a similar experience in the last mirror event, as for Wraith, i wanted to go into a little more detail but simply forgot because i usually do these late at night.
Still though it seems each time i write i'll try writing a little bit more just to see how much i can fit into a single post
Okay, I've just posted the second half of my story. Note that there were a few name changes here and there-- the Klingon First Officer, just because there were two many crewmembers with names beginning with "R" (odd reason, I know), and the Orion helmswoman because I realized that there is already a character in LoR named Satra.
A fantastic conclusion :cool: The action and tension were palpable, and the descriptions of the chaos were spot on :cool:
marcusdkane: A nice short piece, and as others have pointed out, I liked the nod to canon by referencing the Barzan Wormhole.
Thanks, my goal for this piece was to keep it super simple, to show that not every day in Starfleet is EPIC, but also to show some 'below decks' activity, as I've wanted to show Will Mayer since LC 37
well the captain himself had been through a similar experience in the last mirror event, as for Wraith, i wanted to go into a little more detail but simply forgot because i usually do these late at night.
Still though it seems each time i write i'll try writing a little bit more just to see how much i can fit into a single post
I certainly know that feeling You did convey just how traumatised Donovan had been by his own encounter with his counterpart, and that indeed 'set the bar' for what he was capable of, I just felt that an experience traumatic enough to reduce a Vulcan to tears, and to do likewise to witnesses, either needed to be fully detailed, so the reader would understand why they are reacting so strongly, or needed to be more than just a hypo to the temple. For example, had Donovan and Wraith entered to find T'Pal bent over the ready room desk with her uniform in tatters, it might've been more understandable. Of course, that's just my perception, and not meant as a criticism of the work, as the rest of the piece was excellent :cool:
ironphoenix: A nice bit of fleet action there! Unlike wraithshadow's story, I actually found it rather refreshing that the Mirror crew member in this story wasn't evil. It reminded me a bit of one of my own stories, where again a Mirror Universe refugee came seeking help, but you actually had Starfleet going out and delivering that help. The end result was pretty awesome, and I like the way Valot managed to manouver the tricky legal grounds of the Prime Directive to do so. Overall, well done!
tyvm! I really prefer writing fleet actions to single ship actions because you can get the awesomeness of writing things like:
Hundreds of phaser beams lanced across the night sky, tearing into the hulls of the enemy vessels.
while still being able to focus in on "smaller" details like this:
The ships phaser beams arced out in every direction, each connecting with a different enemy ship.
Also, I referenced several entries already made by others for the Mirror universe Trill hosts being slaves to the Symbionts, so I figured that it might be interesting to have a group of hosts who wished to try and defect.
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
I honestly do feel like i had to cop out a little at the end simply because i'd hit well over 12k words and i honestly don't know the limit. I definitely wanted to explore more into what happened to the Commander as well as just how affected the captain was. Wraith however wasn't crying at all and it was supposed to hint at something to come later on down the line. I just didn't know how much i can actually put in a single post.
With the new challenge though i really think i'm going to delve into it more as an aftermath story. As for the over the desk treatment, i'm not sure I would have taken it there but it was a serious contemplation.
@ambassadormolari - spectacular conclusion! I found Lynathru's frustration with the myth vs. science argument on the bridge to be quite comical. I also really enjoyed the final battle with the Kar'fi - your vivid descriptions of combat really put me right there in the fight!
@wraithshadow - great story! I really liked the cruelty mirror Donovan displayed in this one, burning a hole through Keating's shoulder and everything. I thought the transitions toward the end were a little abrupt, and as you pointed out you definitely could have fleshed out a few more details (although personally I'd just as soon leave what Mirror Jimmy was doing to T'Pal up to my own imagination.) If there is a single-post word or character limit, I've never found it - and I've copied in 30+ pages from MS word on multiple occasions. Also there were a few typos I noticed ("threw" instead of "through") but nothing too distracting from the overall story, which really was excellent.
@zindanetribal - One of my favorite things in these LCs is seeing what random aliens the authors will choose to pull in their stories, and I must say the Vaadwaur are an excellent choice! And Admiral Lee at the end ("so whatever") really cracks me up.
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
@wraithshadow - great story! I really liked the cruelty mirror Donovan displayed in this one, burning a hole through Keating's shoulder and everything. I thought the transitions toward the end were a little abrupt, and as you pointed out you definitely could have fleshed out a few more details (although personally I'd just as soon leave what Mirror Jimmy was doing to T'Pal up to my own imagination.) If there is a single-post word or character limit, I've never found it - and I've copied in 30+ pages from MS word on multiple occasions. Also there were a few typos I noticed ("threw" instead of "through") but nothing too distracting from the overall story, which really was excellent.
Ha, I'd not even noticed that. I tend to breeze through autocorrect with out paying much attention, but that one was probably just due to my inability to sleep lately.
As for the word limit bit, that's actually good to know. I hit it once before the Forums switched over, but aside from that i don't think i've done it since. Perhaps from now on i should let it progress naturally and just let it be. I do like that people seem to enjoy these though.
I honestly do feel like i had to cop out a little at the end simply because i'd hit well over 12k words and i honestly don't know the limit. I definitely wanted to explore more into what happened to the Commander as well as just how affected the captain was. Wraith however wasn't crying at all and it was supposed to hint at something to come later on down the line. I just didn't know how much i can actually put in a single post.
With the new challenge though i really think i'm going to delve into it more as an aftermath story. As for the over the desk treatment, i'm not sure I would have taken it there but it was a serious contemplation.
That was just a possible suggestion, you could go anywhere with what Mirror Jimmy did to T'Pal, it'll be interesting to see her recuperation
@ambassadormolari - spectacular conclusion! I found Lynathru's frustration with the myth vs. science argument on the bridge to be quite comical. I also really enjoyed the final battle with the Kar'fi - your vivid descriptions of combat really put me right there in the fight!
Thanks! I was mostlly inspired by every single "Defiant vs larger battleship" scene from DS9, and tried to get across the visual image of a small, manouverable ship slowly pecking its larger opponent to death.
Comments
He trust's Z's instincts to check out the wormhole!
Best way to follow through is how all captains have figured things out, send in their first officer! Then when things go bad, bring the captain in to fix his/her problems they created!
Edit: Plus, he was just messing with her head.
Excellent entry :cool: I felt the 'group hug' at the end was a bit overly sentimental, given Wraith and Donovan had not really witnessed anything which T'Pal had been put through. Other than that, nice work :cool:
Well ... yeah
@ ambassadormolari ... I am chomping at the bit to read the rest!
As for some of the other stories:
wraithshadow: Loved it! Probably one of the best "main character vs evil mirror counterpart" stories I've read thus far, especially since you did a lot to establish just how bad a guy Mirror Donovan was. He had an especially interesting villainous motivation, ie surrogate suicide. The space battle was also very well done, especially since you didn't make this an easy battle at all for the Geist and crew.
ironphoenix: A nice bit of fleet action there! Unlike wraithshadow's story, I actually found it rather refreshing that the Mirror crew member in this story wasn't evil. It reminded me a bit of one of my own stories, where again a Mirror Universe refugee came seeking help, but you actually had Starfleet going out and delivering that help. The end result was pretty awesome, and I like the way Valot managed to manouver the tricky legal grounds of the Prime Directive to do so. Overall, well done!
marcusdkane: A nice short piece, and as others have pointed out, I liked the nod to canon by referencing the Barzan Wormhole.
patrickngo: As usual, an awesome story. I really liked the glimpse into the Ferasan culture and mindset that you gave, especially with regards to K'tirr's fighting style-- how he uses the psychological effect of a giant predator cat pouncing and mauling things to his advantage. Overall, really awesome introductory story to K'tirr, and as usual, I liked your exploration of an otherwise little-known species.
jonsills: Huzzah, more adventures from the unluckiest crew in Starfleet! I can't help but wonder, though, at what sort of derogatory nickname the Hephaestus will acquire, given Grunt's unfortunate history with ship names.
superhombre: Nicely done, and as always, its nice to see things from ch'Raul's perspective (and come to think of it, I'm intrigued at how deeply flawed so many of your crew seem to be.) The way you wrote T'Panna's emotional instability was particularly interesting-- it reminded me in more ways than one of poor Sarek. I'm very interested to see where you go with this arc in future
As for a nickname for the Hephaestus, given her appearance on returning to Federation space, I was thinking the shipwrights at DS9 might have started calling her the Herpes. (Oh, and for those really concerned for poor Grunt, when he hit Captain he got a brand-new ship, still with that fresh-warp-coolant smell, the exploration cruiser Bedford.)
Heh. You have a point, there...
:eek: ROFLMAO!!!!!
Good to hear it.
I think the thread for Lit Challenge 40 [Redux] is still open, even if it isn't the main challenge of the moment, and I think I'd like to see a post detailing Grunt first stepping aboard the Bedford, and realizing that after three different patchwork ships, things are finally looking up... and I'm also curious as to what ship he's going to be in once you max him out in-game. :cool:
Literary Challenges Entries- Star Trek Online: Lord English
Dramatis Personae of Star Trek Online: Lord English
well the captain himself had been through a similar experience in the last mirror event, as for Wraith, i wanted to go into a little more detail but simply forgot because i usually do these late at night.
Still though it seems each time i write i'll try writing a little bit more just to see how much i can fit into a single post
Thanks, my goal for this piece was to keep it super simple, to show that not every day in Starfleet is EPIC, but also to show some 'below decks' activity, as I've wanted to show Will Mayer since LC 37
I certainly know that feeling
tyvm! I really prefer writing fleet actions to single ship actions because you can get the awesomeness of writing things like:
Hundreds of phaser beams lanced across the night sky, tearing into the hulls of the enemy vessels.
while still being able to focus in on "smaller" details like this:
The ships phaser beams arced out in every direction, each connecting with a different enemy ship.
Also, I referenced several entries already made by others for the Mirror universe Trill hosts being slaves to the Symbionts, so I figured that it might be interesting to have a group of hosts who wished to try and defect.
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
I am going to unstick this as I prepare to post the discussion thread for #45, but please feel free to still continue the discussions!
Cheers,
Brandon =/\=
With the new challenge though i really think i'm going to delve into it more as an aftermath story. As for the over the desk treatment, i'm not sure I would have taken it there but it was a serious contemplation.
@wraithshadow - great story! I really liked the cruelty mirror Donovan displayed in this one, burning a hole through Keating's shoulder and everything. I thought the transitions toward the end were a little abrupt, and as you pointed out you definitely could have fleshed out a few more details (although personally I'd just as soon leave what Mirror Jimmy was doing to T'Pal up to my own imagination.) If there is a single-post word or character limit, I've never found it - and I've copied in 30+ pages from MS word on multiple occasions. Also there were a few typos I noticed ("threw" instead of "through") but nothing too distracting from the overall story, which really was excellent.
@zindanetribal - One of my favorite things in these LCs is seeing what random aliens the authors will choose to pull in their stories, and I must say the Vaadwaur are an excellent choice! And Admiral Lee at the end ("so whatever") really cracks me up.
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
Ha, I'd not even noticed that. I tend to breeze through autocorrect with out paying much attention, but that one was probably just due to my inability to sleep lately.
As for the word limit bit, that's actually good to know. I hit it once before the Forums switched over, but aside from that i don't think i've done it since. Perhaps from now on i should let it progress naturally and just let it be. I do like that people seem to enjoy these though.
That was just a possible suggestion, you could go anywhere with what Mirror Jimmy did to T'Pal, it'll be interesting to see her recuperation
Thanks! I was mostlly inspired by every single "Defiant vs larger battleship" scene from DS9, and tried to get across the visual image of a small, manouverable ship slowly pecking its larger opponent to death.