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Scheduled Maintenance (January 24, 2013)

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  • thargorichithargorichi Member Posts: 15 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    I'd be happy if it wasn't mocking us with that "Server Status: Up" message on the site, lol
  • captinsickocaptinsicko Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    its working now huh is it ment to be
  • messahlamessahla Member Posts: 1,160 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    milestfox wrote: »
    Cryptic should hire The Brain. And of course, pinky.
    They could ponder about what the players are pondering about, and come up with a plan to TAKE OVER THE UNIVERSE.

    Their pinky their pinky and the brain brain brain brain brain :D
  • darkenzedddarkenzedd Member Posts: 881
    edited January 2013
    milestfox wrote: »
    Cryptic should hire The Brain. And of course, pinky.
    They could ponder about what the players are pondering about, and come up with a plan to TAKE OVER THE UNIVERSE.

    This post, it is EPIC! :D
  • bumperthumperbumperthumper Member Posts: 513 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    themarie wrote: »
    Honest Patch Notes:


    *Buffed Borg LOLpedo to make even more unfair. All Borg torpedoes now do eleven trillion critical damage per shot, have unlimited rage and are utterly unstoppable. 2 second cooldown.

    *Broke user-interface, buttons now change position at random when clicked, or drop entirely. We don't know what went wrong, nor do we care about fixing it. Buy a master key.

    *Finished rendering all plot-missions unplayable due to AI glitches, background image failures and various other major show-stopping bugs. This portion of the game does not generate revenue therefore we DO NOT give two tribbles out of a Borg's butt about it. (Sadly this one is more true than you realize! :eek: )

    *Added eleven new grind maps and 16 new reputation systems, each requiring 8 new currencies. Some promised rep items are broken to the point that they are useless, while others haven't even been programmed yet.

    *Nerfed all powers that benefit the player in any way. Sci Team actually reduces your shields, Eng Team damages your hull, and Tac Team causes your security team to blow **** up aboard your own ship. Haz Team will cause you to burst into flames. Aux Power abilities will set your power levels to Zero for 15 min.

    *Decreased server stability. We removed two banks of RAM and half of the CPU arrays and gave them to the Neverwinter team in trade for use of the K-Cup coffee-maker.

    *Added new player ability "Orbital Howitzer." Instantly destroys any target for the low low cost of 500 lobi per shot.

    *Added a bunch of Foundry stuff that doesn't work. Or does it? No one really knows because the person who programs the Foundry speaks Dutch and we can't understand him.

    *Manipulated the Dilth market so you can no longer spend money to get ahead, you must grind a MINIMUM of 16 hours a day.

    *Decreased Refine Cap by 7,500.

    *Sold password management database to Russian Mobster to finance VO work for next grind-world map.


    We expect this downtime to last for at least 8 hours with a 75% chance of something going wrong and extending the time by 2 hours. Downtime will occur during peak hours for non-American markets because we just don't give a dang about France. Sorry France. Cryptic Studios hopes you enjoy your expanded STO: Grind Harder Experience and that you will buy lots of lockbox keys otherwise we will all be unemployed. Thank you for playing STO: Grind Harder.

    Oh.My.Gaaaaawd!

    I actually cried from laughter at this. If we could all get accustomed to putting our complaints into a comedic form, this forum would be a lot more fun. Well played, my friend. Well played.
    A proud member of The Collective ARMADA
    NOT A FAN OF ARC!
  • themariethemarie Member Posts: 1,055 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    Silly Patch Notes Round Two:


    *Ignored player complaints about refine-cap. Decreased amount of dilth in game to punish them for complaining.

    *Disregarded list of long-standing issues involving parts of the game that have nothing to do with revenue generation.

    *Introduced 9 more types of plasma weapon, because we simply don't feel like making new weapons. Besides EVERYONE has the latest high end graphics card that can render the geometric increase in particle-effects, amirite? iamrite.

    *Ignored customer requests for more playable content. Added 11 new currencies instead.

    *Disregarded long-standing STF Uber-Torpedo Glitch. If you don't like blowing up, fly a cruiser with blue phasers so you don't aggro the tactical cube.

    *Noticed players were having fun with specific power combo, nerfed power combo to point of non-functionality and blamed decision on "PVP Balance." Hahah damn I'm good at my job.

    *Rendered everyone's favorite mission unplayable with seizure inducing background graphic glitches.

    *Passed up opportunity to generate KDF content. Spent entire shift begging Neverwinter team for a job.

    *Fixed insignificant typo in tool tip for lockbox released three seasons ago.

    *Adjusted font kerning.

    *Adjusted redness of KDF UI to cause permanent eye-damage. This way we can continue to claim no one plays KDF side.

    *Replaced one random DOFF name with an obscenity, because naughty words make us giggle.


    Patch is expected to take a long time to install as our server tech is busy flirting with the HR manager for the Neverwinter Department. Expect random glitches all day, tomorrow and possibly until the game closes down. Thank you for playing STO: Grind Harder. Remember, if your complaint is about a part of the game that DOES NOT generate revenue you will NOT get a reply. All connection glitches and CTDs are the fault of the user and are not caused by poor programming on our side.
  • guerillafrankguerillafrank Member Posts: 6 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    milestfox wrote: »
    It's been longer, before that. One of the updates changed the size/shape of the activation area for MANY consoles, it no long reaches the 'floor' in front of the consoles. Short characters have to jump to reach it, and some consoles, even stand on top of, just right.

    That makes perfect sense to me. Suits anyone who enrolls with a tiny pink annoying critter! :]
  • jcherrinjcherrin Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    OMG! The Server Status is "DOWN."


    Sure took them long enough.
  • olivia211olivia211 Member Posts: 675 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    jcherrin wrote: »
    OMG! The Server Status is "DOWN."


    Sure took them long enough.

    no, it always showed down. you just didn't empty your cache or click refresh.

    (waits)

    :D
    No, I am not who you think I am. I am someone different. I am instead a banana.
  • maddog0000doommaddog0000doom Member Posts: 1,017 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    when is the new lock box coming it doesnt say in the dev blogs
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • daveynydaveyny Member Posts: 8,227 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    That makes perfect sense to me. Suits anyone who enrolls with a tiny pink annoying critter! :]

    That critter is now the established mascot of this thread.
    STO Member since February 2009.
    I Was A Trekkie Before It Was Cool ... Sept. 8th, 1966 ... Not To Mention Before Most Folks Around Here Were Born!
    Forever a STO Veteran-Minion
    upside-down-banana-smiley-emoticon.gif
  • snakeswar2snakeswar2 Member Posts: 245 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    when is the new lock box coming it doesnt say in the dev blogs

    its coming out today since they switched the temporal lockbox faq to the dominion lockbox faq in the forums and today at 10 am pt the temporal lockbox is not dropping anymore
  • psycoticvulcanpsycoticvulcan Member Posts: 4,160 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    when is the new lock box coming it doesnt say in the dev blogs

    Today, I think.
    NJ9oXSO.png
    "Critics who say that the optimistic utopia Star Trek depicted is now outmoded forget the cultural context that gave birth to it: Star Trek was not a manifestation of optimism when optimism was easy. Star Trek declared a hope for a future that nobody stuck in the present could believe in. For all our struggles today, we haven’t outgrown the need for stories like Star Trek. We need tales of optimism, of heroes, of courage and goodness now as much as we’ve ever needed them."
    -Thomas Marrone
  • philosopherephilosophere Member Posts: 607 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    when is the new lock box coming it doesnt say in the dev blogs

    Confirmed by Borticus here... http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?p=7623181#post7623181
    Are we there yet?
  • maddog0000doommaddog0000doom Member Posts: 1,017 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    snakeswar2 wrote: »
    its coming out today since they switched the temporal lockbox faq to the dominion lockbox faq in the forums and today at 10 am pt the temporal lockbox is not dropping anymore

    yea but so far only one box has came out the same day the other stops.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • tsurutafan01tsurutafan01 Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    Then this maintenance is just the Dominion trying to get down some sort of pesky, self-replicating minefield, no doubt.

    Be afraid. Purple ships a-comin'.


    "We are smart." - Grebnedlog

    Member of Alliance Central Command/boq botlhra'ghom
  • maddog0000doommaddog0000doom Member Posts: 1,017 Arc User
    edited January 2013

    roger .

    orders recived. engage
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • moronwmachinegunmoronwmachinegun Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    fourxgamer wrote: »
    Will somebody fix it so my KDF character doesn't have to stand on bank/exchange/lore consoles to use them. Foundry mission contacts require I do a timed jumping F.

    It's been this way for months. I think it began with the glowing console introduction. Anybody working on this or do I need to save it for an AskCryptic?

    Yeah, I have the same problem with my midget alien. I setup an alternate costume with her base height set to maximum, and switch to it when I need it.

    For a week I thought they had broken the consoles in the Romulan Embassy, because I could see my prompt turn into a gear, but could not access it. Then I jumped and saw that the new consoles had a really small activation area, just like Qo'nos. :mad:
  • messahlamessahla Member Posts: 1,160 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    How to be an STO game developer in 3 easy steps

    Step 1 : Create a game loosley based on a popular sci fi TV series and movie trilogy

    Step 2 : Relise the game has tons of glitches and bugs, make a second faction but never finish it, promise a third faction everyone really really REALLY wants but never make it nerf everything else while making the borg much much much MUCH stronger.

    Step 3 : Knowing of exisiting game issues release new lock boxes act like all the problems are the fault of the gamers.
  • idronaidrona Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    daveyny wrote: »
    That critter is now the established mascot of this thread.

    "What are we going to do tonight brain? Narf!"
    signwidrona.png
  • daveynydaveyny Member Posts: 8,227 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    messahla wrote: »
    How to be an STO game developer in 3 easy steps

    Step 1 : Create a game loosley based on a popular sci fi TV series and movie trilogy

    Step 2 : Relise the game has tons of glitches and bugs, make a second faction but never finish it, promise a third faction everyone really really REALLY wants but never make it nerf everything else while making the borg much much much MUCH stronger.

    Step 3 : Knowing of exisiting game issues release new lock boxes act like all the problems are the fault of the gamers.


    Seems this 'bandwagon' is getting a bit full... :rolleyes:
    STO Member since February 2009.
    I Was A Trekkie Before It Was Cool ... Sept. 8th, 1966 ... Not To Mention Before Most Folks Around Here Were Born!
    Forever a STO Veteran-Minion
    upside-down-banana-smiley-emoticon.gif
  • ssargonssargon Member Posts: 347 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    idrona wrote: »
    "What are we going to do tonight brain? Narf!"

    Or "nerf" as it often tends to be.
  • philosopherephilosophere Member Posts: 607 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    roger .

    orders recived. engage

    Roger... no that's my evil twin currently serving time on Rura Penta. Something involving illegal tiribble usage... :eek:
    Are we there yet?
  • xantrisxantris Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    messahla wrote: »
    How to be an STO game developer in 3 easy steps

    Step 1 : Create a game loosley based on a popular sci fi TV series and movie trilogy

    Step 2 : Relise the game has tons of glitches and bugs, make a second faction but never finish it, promise a third faction everyone really really REALLY wants but never make it nerf everything else while making the borg much much much MUCH stronger.

    Step 3 : Knowing of exisiting game issues release new lock boxes act like all the problems are the fault of the gamers.

    Please go play another game. I hear SWTOR is f2p now.
  • daveynydaveyny Member Posts: 8,227 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    idrona wrote: »
    "What are we going to do tonight brain? Narf!"

    Apparently Pinky...,

    Spend a lot of time complaining about things we have no control over...
    STO Member since February 2009.
    I Was A Trekkie Before It Was Cool ... Sept. 8th, 1966 ... Not To Mention Before Most Folks Around Here Were Born!
    Forever a STO Veteran-Minion
    upside-down-banana-smiley-emoticon.gif
  • orsilorsil Member Posts: 2 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    patch details are fake!

    The patch is taking long because they added Jemhadar stuff...

    Bugs:

    fix KDF.
    fix FED.

    - my tier 4 diplomacy boff costume for kdf caracter cant be customised .. at all
    will it generate revenue if you fix it? - no!

    - the nebulas and exploration clusters area is small, i have to draw spirals arround them to be able to warp to them - (for example hromi cluster!) - generates revenue? hmm, maybe!

    - my torps cooldowns for plasma, photon, and usually small rapid firing torps on autofire will sometimes cycle and do a small loop animation infront of my ship..major dps hole! revenue? no!

    - when you check the department heads assignments the speed is set to 0 in sector space!

    - all stf missions are useless asside from infected space, increase the rewards for the less visited ones..

    - when you want to change from uniform to maco, or formalwear, or whatever, it resets the head :-p

    - the game looks less and less like actual startrek lately, turn the volume down on micromanagement, or just respect that federation never considered to use bio neural warheads, they were explorers, and klingons really hated ferenghi!! :-p
  • shadowwraith77shadowwraith77 Member Posts: 6,395 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    messahla wrote: »
    How to be an STO game developer in 3 easy steps

    Step 1 : Create a game loosley based on a popular sci fi TV series and movie trilogy

    Step 2 : Relise the game has tons of glitches and bugs, make a second faction but never finish it, promise a third faction everyone really really REALLY wants but never make it nerf everything else while making the borg much much much MUCH stronger.

    Step 3 : Knowing of exisiting game issues release new lock boxes act like all the problems are the fault of the gamers.

    Lol, that's a good one cryptic likes to define it as plausible deniability.
    tumblr_nq9ec3BSAy1qj6sk2o2_500_zpspkqw0mmk.gif


    Praetor of the -RTS- Romulan Tal Shiar fleet!

  • mrlizardomrlizardo Member Posts: 155 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    xantris wrote: »
    Please go play another game. I hear SWTOR is f2p now.

    Isn't Star Wars property of Disney World Takeover Enterprises? And when do we get to see Leia on one of those Disney Princess' franchise doodads?
    sarkasmo_by_spacepope13-d9rcbjs.jpg

    "You seem to have gotten some of your blood in my raktajino. This is unfortunate."
  • roswellgornakroswellgornak Member Posts: 52 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    We are the Pakled Borg, You will be patched, resistance is futile
  • themariethemarie Member Posts: 1,055 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    messahla wrote: »
    How to be an STO game developer in 3 easy steps

    Step 1 : Create a game loosley based on a popular sci fi TV series and movie trilogy

    Step 2 : Relise the game has tons of glitches and bugs, make a second faction but never finish it, promise a third faction everyone really really REALLY wants but never make it nerf everything else while making the borg much much much MUCH stronger.

    Step 3 : Knowing of exisiting game issues release new lock boxes act like all the problems are the fault of the gamers.

    Remember kids: If it doesn't generate revenue we pretend it does not exist. You don't need UI tool-tray functionality to buy lockboxes! Nor do game-breaking AI glitches prevent you from playing Lockbox Mania in order to buy vanity items from the Lobi store!
This discussion has been closed.