My first time asking for a review from Evil70th *shudder in fear at his name*
Please have a look at my mission.
Mission Name: Officer Reports 1 : Ushaan
Author: @hippiejohn
Minimum Level: 35 +
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPXL3NPMH
Estimated Mission Length: Intended to be between 20 and 30 minutes.
Method of Report Delivery: could you post it to this thread ?
Hey Evil70th, i have 2 new missions that i would liked to be reviewed by you, since the last 2 missions were reviewed by you i have spent extra time on spelling and grammar so i hope its not that bad this time around, but i might have missed here and there.
Thanks for taking your time to review my parts 3 and 4.
Logitech007
Mission Name: Tempus fugit: De Road Domus Part three
Author: Logitech007
Minimum Level: 35+
Allegiance: Starfleet
Project ID: ST-ST-HD4BEXZRY
Estimated Mission Length: App hour or so
Method of Report Delivery: Both
Mission Name: Tempus fugit: Domus Part 4
Author: Logitech007
Minimum Level: any
Allegiance: Starfleet
Project ID: ST-HJ7DUB9SI
Estimated Mission Length: App 30 or so min
Method of Report Delivery: Both
Thanks for taking the time to play and i look forward to your feedback.
Thanks
Logitech007
Hi Logitech007,
Welcome back to the queue. Both of these missions are 1st and 2nd in the queue and I am going to start on them this morning. I will post here once I finish them. Back in the saddle again...
Got a new mission up that I'd like your assistance in checking. It's called "Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey" and it's a Klingon mission. Any level
Thanks, Much appreciated. Baz.
Hi Baz,
Welcome back to the queue. I'm doing great, busy at work, and getting ready for the holidays. I'm going to pick up a tree today. Your mission is 3rd in the queue behind Logitech007. I am starting on the queue this morning and I will get to your mission as soon as I can.
My first time asking for a review from Evil70th *shudder in fear at his name*
Please have a look at my mission.
Mission Name: Officer Reports 1 : Ushaan
Author: @hippiejohn
Minimum Level: 35 +
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPXL3NPMH
Estimated Mission Length: Intended to be between 20 and 30 minutes.
Method of Report Delivery: could you post it to this thread ?
Welcome to the queue as a first timer. I actually laughed out loud when I read your "*shudder in fear at his name*". I did not realize my name as a reviewer had become so feared. Your mission is 4th in the queue behind Bazag. I am starting on the queue right after I post this response. I will get to your mission as soon as I can and will post both here and in your requested forum posting.
I asked for a review earlier but pulled it but my missions are now up and ready.
Mission Name: Duritanium Man Author:@Zorbane Minimum Level: 41+ Allegiance:Federation Project ID: ST-HSMJTB692 Estimated Mission Length: 45minutes - 1 hour Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Mission Name: The Galaxy's Fair Author:@Zorbane Minimum Level: Any level Allegiance:Federation Project ID: ST-HIL8TIJ29 Estimated Mission Length: 20-30minutes Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Hey Evil70th, i have 2 new missions that i would liked to be reviewed by you, since the last 2 missions were reviewed by you i have spent extra time on spelling and grammar so i hope its not that bad this time around, but i might have missed here and there.
Thanks for taking your time to review my parts 3 and 4.
Logitech007
Mission Name: Tempus fugit: De Road Domus Part three
Author: Logitech007
Minimum Level: 35+
Allegiance: Starfleet
Project ID: ST-ST-HD4BEXZRY
Estimated Mission Length: App hour or so
Method of Report Delivery: Both
Thanks for taking the time to play and i look forward to your feedback.
Thanks
Logitech007
Federation Mission - Tempus fugit: De Road Domus Part three
Author: Logitech007
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HD4BEXZRY
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with a well written story dialogue. The battles are tough and I would not recommend a player take this mission on at Elite level. I would recommend the mission on Normal.
The biggest issue I noted was the use of lower case "i" when an upper case "I" should have been used. On some of the maps the dialogue used the lower case "i" further into a sentence after properly using the upper case "I" at the start of the sentence. Consider going through the dialogue and fixing these issues.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description that draws me in and makes me want to play. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: You need to change the dialogue to something other than a regurgitation of the description. This is where you have to draw the player into the story and make them want to click the "Accept" button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear location of the first custom map. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Celtris System: This is a good map design with a tough but fun battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "But i am detected a fleet of Orion vessels inbound on our position" to read "But I am picking up several Orion vessels inbound".
-The "Commander Yrevish" dialogue at the beginning of the map appears to have the entire dialogue from "Commander Lukeson" who spoke right before him.
-Consider changing "But i really don't know" to read "I really don't know".
Orion Village: This is a very detailed and well made map. The story dialogue is well done. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The away team is clustered together at the spawn point. There must be some sort of obstruction nearby. Consider moving the way point in a little more.
-Consider changing "Last area, i can not pinpoint what that location is" to read "Last area, I cannot pinpoint what that location is". This is the third time in the mission I have a lower case "i" were it should be an upper case "I". From this point forward I will only note the maps and will cover it in the summary.
-Consider change the response button "Let's head out and everyone watch your self, this might be a Shadow Alliance base" to read "Let's head out and everyone watch yourself, this might be a Shadow Alliance base".
-At the "Camp site", the tent is hanging off the edge of the hill side. Consider moving the campsite to a flatter area so the tent sits flat on the ground.
-Consider separating the "Scan the Camp site" and "Go to the camp site" tasks. The grouping causes the player to have to leave the site and come back in to trigger the dialogue.
-Consider changing the "Talk to Orion child" tasks to be completed one at a time. Each could be triggered after the other.
-Consider reducing the number of "Talk to Alien" tasks to no more than two or give them each something more to say than the same thing.
Underground base: This is a nice map design with some tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Use of lower case "i" instead of upper case "I".
-The "Set up the transporter Pattern Enhancers" task. Currently they appear as soon as the tasks are available for the player. It looks odd. Consider setting up an invisible object as the trigger point and then set the pattern enhancers to appear when the player interacts with the invisible object.
Celtris System: This is a good map design with some tough battles. The story dialogue is short but well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Briefing Room: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "evasive manoeuvers" to read "evasive maneuvers".
Maeiwski System: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Ferengi Vessel: This is a nice map design with okay story dialogue but I find it unlikely that a Federation player would destroy a vessel they have captured by boarding it. This is a story point comment. The decision to destroy a vessel the Federation has boarded seems unnecessary. The player could arrest the Ferengi Captain and take the ship. This of course would make the battle on the next map unnecessary. You could delete that map and add a battle on this map with the crew of the Ferengi vessel. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "There is only three Ferengi lifesign" to read "There is only three Ferengi life signs".
-Use of lower case "i" instead of upper case "I".
Maeiwski System: This is a nice map design with a good battle but as indicated on the previous map write up I am not sure this map is needed. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Adarak Prime: This is a good map design with a tough but fun battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Deep Space: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Bortas Bridge: This is a good map design with very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The battles need some balancing. There are too many high level enemy mobs. I would not recommend this on Elite level.
-Use of lower case "i" instead of upper case "I".
Deep Space: This is a good map design with a tough but fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Lukeson" dialogue that follows the battle is also repeated in the "Player" dialogue in response to Lukeson.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This is a good mission in the series and I can see that you took several of the recommendations from my previous mission critiques. Good work.
Brian
I asked for a review earlier but pulled it but my missions are now up and ready.
Mission Name: Duritanium Man Author:@Zorbane Minimum Level: 41+ Allegiance:Federation Project ID: ST-HSMJTB692 Estimated Mission Length: 45minutes - 1 hour Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Mission Name: The Galaxy's Fair Author:@Zorbane Minimum Level: Any level Allegiance:Federation Project ID: ST-HIL8TIJ29 Estimated Mission Length: 20-30minutes Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Duritanium Man comes first.
As always :Thanks!
Hi zorbane,
Your missions Duritanium Man and The Galaxy's Fair are currently 4th and 5th in the queue behind hippiejon. I will review them as soon as possible.
I'd like you to review a mission I've completely revamped. You have already reviewed it but i've made many changes (i removed maps, npcs, added some dialogs, and I did a lot of polishing). If you don't review missions twice then it's not a problem to me. My original goal was to offer an adventure, but it was way too long and tortuous. It should be a lot closer to my purpose like that.
Mission name: Gunboat diplomacy (formerly known as "The heart of your enemy").
Author: diogene0
Mission lengh: 45 minutes at most.
Faction: KDF
Minimul level: 16+
Project ID: ST-HFDC324BE
Method of Report Delivery: forum post please.
Thanks for your help, as always!
Hi diogene0,
I am doing pretty well and work is keeping me busy as we approach the end of the year. Your mission is currently 6th in the queue behind Zorbane's missions. I will get to this mission as soon as I can and post it here.
To let everyone know, especially those in the queue, between work and family commitments during the holidays some of the reviews may be slowed up a bit. Work is really keeping me busy with 12 to 18 hour days through the end of the year. I apologize for any delays in the reviews of these missions.
Thanks for understanding and have a great holiday!
Brian
To let everyone know, especially those in the queue, between work and family commitments during the holidays some of the reviews may be slowed up a bit. Work is really keeping me busy with 12 to 18 hour days through the end of the year. I apologize for any delays in the reviews of these missions.
Thanks for understanding and have a great holiday!
Brian
You are currently 7th in the queue behind diogene0's mission. I hope to get into the queue by the weekend. Not sure if I can make a dent in it before then with work and trying to squeeze my Christmas shopping in. I will post here as soon as I finish.
Looks like you have a long list, but here's another one:
Mission Title: Diplomacy in the Gamma Quadrant
Player @Handle: @Marhawkman
Faction: Klingon
Level Requirement: 35+
Mission Summary: Orions are not the best warriors but they are skilled traders. Melani Di'an has convinced the high council that it is time to attempt to open trade negotiations with an old enemy. The task the High Council has given you is to make contact so that the negotiations can actually begin.
I post again and suddenly you've got a list as long as my arm.
That's my curse, that's my blessing
You are only 2nd in the list. Work has been keeping me busy lately as we come to the end of the year. I will be getting started on the queue this weekend.
Looks like you have a long list, but here's another one:
Mission Title: Diplomacy in the Gamma Quadrant
Player @Handle: @Marhawkman
Faction: Klingon
Level Requirement: 35+
Mission Summary: Orions are not the best warriors but they are skilled traders. Melani Di'an has convinced the high council that it is time to attempt to open trade negotiations with an old enemy. The task the High Council has given you is to make contact so that the negotiations can actually begin.
Welcome back to the queue. Your mission is currently 9th in the queue behind JHawk1128's mission. I will be getting into the queue this weekend. I am literally working right up through Friday and I am looking forward to the Christmas weekend!
Hey Evil70th, i have 2 new missions that i would liked to be reviewed by you, since the last 2 missions were reviewed by you i have spent extra time on spelling and grammar so i hope its not that bad this time around, but i might have missed here and there.
Thanks for taking your time to review my parts 3 and 4.
Logitech007
Mission Name: Tempus fugit: De Road Domus Part three
Author: Logitech007
Minimum Level: 35+
Allegiance: Starfleet
Project ID: ST-ST-HD4BEXZRY
Estimated Mission Length: App hour or so
Method of Report Delivery: Both
Mission Name: Tempus fugit: Domus Part 4
Author: Logitech007
Minimum Level: any
Allegiance: Starfleet
Project ID: ST-HJ7DUB9SI
Estimated Mission Length: App 30 or so min
Method of Report Delivery: Both
Thanks for taking the time to play and i look forward to your feedback.
Thanks
Logitech007
Federation Mission - Tempus fugit: Domus Part 4
Author: Logitech007
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJ7DUB9SI
Report Start
Summary: This is a good battle oriented mission with good map design and some good story dialogue to keep the mission moving forward. I would recommend this mission to other players who like that kind of mission.
I noted on several of the maps that the enemy mobs seemed way out gunned by friendly forces, so much so that I virtually did not have to engage enemy mobs. Battle balancing is one of the hardest things to do when authoring a mission. If you make it too hard then the players will not enjoy it, and the same is true if you make it too easy. You need to find the right balance. Try to make the support vessels and enemy vessels match in strength and type. Then the player will be the deciding factor in the battle. I realize this is not easy to do, so good luck.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The dialogue is intriguing. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "will you be able to make to the vortex" to read "will you be able to reach the vortex".
-Consider changing "One member of the crew will pay the ultimate sacrifice to try to get the crew home" to read "One member of the crew will make the ultimate sacrifice to get the rest home".
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: The usage of the prompt is okay. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: AR-558: This is a nice map design with a simple battle and well written dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "Let's not give us a chance too" to read "Let's not give them the chance too".
Chin'Toka IV: This is a good map design with a good battle and some story dialogue to drive the mission forward. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the battle balance to be just a little tougher. The friendly forces almost wiped out the enemy mobs with very little assistance from me.
Chin'Toka II/ Chin'Toka III: This is a good map design with a couple of good battles and some story dialogue to drive the mission forward. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the battle balance to be just a little tougher. The friendly forces pretty much wiped out the enemy mobs with virtually no assistance from me.
-Consider changing "We are coming towards Chin'Toga" to read "We are approaching Chin'Toka". This is based on the map name you give to the next map.
Chin'Toka: This is a nice map design with a good battle and some story dialogue to move the mission forward. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-I noted the task on this map says "Scan the Chin'Toga area" but the map name is "Chin'Toka". That is why I made the note above regarding Chin'Toga.
-Consider changing the battle balance to be just a little tougher. The friendly forces pretty much wiped out the enemy mobs with no assistance from me.
-Consider changing the map transfer dialogue "[Rank], we are coming towards the vortex" to read "[Rank], we are approaching the vortex".
Chin'Toka: This is a good map design with some nice optional battles and well written story dialogue to move the mission forward. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "Sorry, i can not spare anyone right now; just do the best you can" to read "Sorry, I cannot spare anyone right now; just do the best you can".
-Consider changing the Lukeson dialogue; "[Rank], i can quickly help them out" to read "[Rank], I can quickly help them out".
Deep Space: This is a nice map design with well written dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the initial dialogue; "[Rank], i think we did it" to read "[Rank], I think we did it".
-Consider changing the Engineer dialogue; "[Rank], i have good news and bad news" to read "[Rank], I have good news and bad news".
Deck Six: This is a very nicely done map with good mission and series wrap up dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing in several places:
-There are seven places in the player's dialogue to Lukeson's casket that you use "i" vice "I". Consider changing those to "I".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This is a good mission and a nice wrap up to the series. Your technique is definitely improving. Keep up the good work.
Brian
Summary: This is a great mission with good map design, tough fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I would highly recommend this mission to players who like those elements combined with a time travel story that actually works if you pay attention.
Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. It draws me in and makes me want to click "Accept". I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Space: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "We've reached the U.S.S. Picollo" to read "We've reached the U.S.S. Piccolo".
-Consider moving the U.S.S. Piccolo to be at least 12km away when the dialogue is triggered. If a player is cloaked they become uncloaked when the dialogue is triggered. It seems unusual for the player to be within 10km and the U.S.S. Piccolo does not see them.
-Consider reorienting the map to face east and using the "WeatherStarStreaks East-West 01" effect.
X-114: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "there is far too much energy being generated" to read "There is far too much energy being generated".
Unknown System: This is a great map design with tough, but fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "I recoomend you see what Starfleet had to say about this incident" to read "I recommend you see what Starfleet had to say about this incident".
Space Again: This is a nice map design and a good wrap up to this mission. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider reorienting the map to face east and using the "WeatherStarStreaks East-West 01" effect.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission. As always, I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
My first time asking for a review from Evil70th *shudder in fear at his name*
Please have a look at my mission.
Mission Name: Officer Reports 1 : Ushaan
Author: @hippiejohn
Minimum Level: 35 +
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPXL3NPMH
Estimated Mission Length: Intended to be between 20 and 30 minutes.
Method of Report Delivery: could you post it to this thread ?
Summary: This is a good mission with a lot of potential. The map designs are good and most of the story dialogue is very well done. I was looking forward to a great story involving Andorian traditions and a brother's pursuit of honor in defense of his kin. The shift in the story to a grind mission was annoying since there was no mention of this in the description. If you plan on keep the mission like this then you should add dialogue in the description that alludes to the possibility of this happening. I would recommend this mission to other players who like tough grinder missions but not on Elite level.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good detailed description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Many Officers, and some of the enlisted & civilian crew often congregate" to read "Many Officers, enlisted and civilian crew members congregate".
-Consider changing "Some of the power consuits even run through the room" to read "Some power conduits run through the room".
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location of the first custom map to the initial mission task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: 'Below Decks' , Junior Officer's Lounge: This is a good map design with detailed dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it.
-Consider changing "So you'll come to Andoria then ?" to read "So you'll come to Andoria then?".
-The Linu dialogue; consider changing "Hey, at least this way we still have each other, right ?" to read "Hey, at least this way we still have each other, right?"
-I have noted at least three times where you have a space between the word and the "?" question mark. I also noted on the Chief Gug dialogue a space between the word and the "!" exclamation point. There are several locations where punctuation appears to have been separated from words by a single space, including the map name. From this point forward I will only note the maps this occurs on.
Andoria High Mountain Park: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it.
-The Lieutenant JG Shraal dialogue; consider changing "we both know that the circumstances" to read "We both know the circumstances".
-Consider changing the response button "Good Luck, Lieutenant" to read "Good luck, Lieutenant".
High Mountain Park Nature Preserve, Peak: This is a simple map design with several tough battles that I would not recommend this map on Elite level. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Check punctuation in the dialogue for spaces between the word and the punctuation.
-The console is buried in the snow. If this is intentional then consider changing the player animation to kneeling vice console interaction.
High Mountain Park Nature Preserve, Lower: This is a simple map design with several tough battles that I would not recommend this map on Elite level. The story dialogue is well written.
Andoria High Mountain Park, Breen Invasion: This is a simple map design with simple battle. The story dialogue is well written.
Andoria High Mountain Park, Ushaan Duel: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Check punctuation in the dialogue for spaces between the word and the punctuation.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. Your map design and story dialogue have a lot of potential to become a great story about Andorian traditions and honor. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Mission Name: In the Shadow of MIDAS, Part 1 Author: greendragoon Minimum Level: 31+ Allegiance: Federation Project ID: ST-HJ7NMF3PH Estimated Mission Length: 60+ minutes Method of Report Delivery: Forum post here is fine.
Description:
MIDAS, an experimental array once used to communicate with the U.S.S. Voyager while it was stranded in the Delta Quadrant. These days it's sending more than messages. You are called to discover the fate of two Federation starships that failed to return after venturing through an experimental wormhole to the other side of the galaxy. But in the far reaches of space, a darkness dwells and you may find that two lost ships are the least of your worries. Do you have what it takes to unravel the mystery and return home in one piece?
Comments:
This is the first of a 3 part arc. I'll warn you now, this means it's a cliffhanger. It's also designed for single player.
Mission Name: In the Shadow of MIDAS, Part 1 Author: greendragoon Minimum Level: 31+ Allegiance: Federation Project ID: ST-HJ7NMF3PH Estimated Mission Length: 60+ minutes Method of Report Delivery: Forum post here is fine.
Description:
MIDAS, an experimental array once used to communicate with the U.S.S. Voyager while it was stranded in the Delta Quadrant. These days it's sending more than messages. You are called to discover the fate of two Federation starships that failed to return after venturing through an experimental wormhole to the other side of the galaxy. But in the far reaches of space, a darkness dwells and you may find that two lost ships are the least of your worries. Do you have what it takes to unravel the mystery and return home in one piece?
Comments:
This is the first of a 3 part arc. I'll warn you now, this means it's a cliffhanger. It's also designed for single player.
Welcome to the queue. Your mission is 7th in the queue behind markhawkman. I am making progress in the queue but I may not get through it this weekend.
Comments
Please have a look at my mission.
Mission Name: Officer Reports 1 : Ushaan
Author: @hippiejohn
Minimum Level: 35 +
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPXL3NPMH
Estimated Mission Length: Intended to be between 20 and 30 minutes.
Method of Report Delivery: could you post it to this thread ?
http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?t=485431
Hi Logitech007,
Welcome back to the queue. Both of these missions are 1st and 2nd in the queue and I am going to start on them this morning. I will post here once I finish them. Back in the saddle again...
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Hi Baz,
Welcome back to the queue. I'm doing great, busy at work, and getting ready for the holidays. I'm going to pick up a tree today.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Hi Hippiejon,
Welcome to the queue as a first timer. I actually laughed out loud when I read your "*shudder in fear at his name*". I did not realize my name as a reviewer had become so feared.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Good, the hope was to make you laugh.
And it's not your reputation as a reviewer, its the fact that it's "EVIL"70th.
Evil is scary :eek:
I figured it was the name. Either way you definitely made me laugh.
Brian
I asked for a review earlier but pulled it but my missions are now up and ready.
Mission Name: Duritanium Man
Author: @Zorbane
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HSMJTB692
Estimated Mission Length: 45minutes - 1 hour
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Mission Name: The Galaxy's Fair
Author: @Zorbane
Minimum Level: Any level
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HIL8TIJ29
Estimated Mission Length: 20-30minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Duritanium Man comes first.
As always :Thanks!
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
Federation Mission - Tempus fugit: De Road Domus Part three
Author: Logitech007
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HD4BEXZRY
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with a well written story dialogue. The battles are tough and I would not recommend a player take this mission on at Elite level. I would recommend the mission on Normal.
The biggest issue I noted was the use of lower case "i" when an upper case "I" should have been used. On some of the maps the dialogue used the lower case "i" further into a sentence after properly using the upper case "I" at the start of the sentence. Consider going through the dialogue and fixing these issues.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description that draws me in and makes me want to play. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: You need to change the dialogue to something other than a regurgitation of the description. This is where you have to draw the player into the story and make them want to click the "Accept" button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear location of the first custom map. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Celtris System: This is a good map design with a tough but fun battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "But i am detected a fleet of Orion vessels inbound on our position" to read "But I am picking up several Orion vessels inbound".
-The "Commander Yrevish" dialogue at the beginning of the map appears to have the entire dialogue from "Commander Lukeson" who spoke right before him.
-Consider changing "But i really don't know" to read "I really don't know".
Orion Village: This is a very detailed and well made map. The story dialogue is well done. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The away team is clustered together at the spawn point. There must be some sort of obstruction nearby. Consider moving the way point in a little more.
-Consider changing "Last area, i can not pinpoint what that location is" to read "Last area, I cannot pinpoint what that location is". This is the third time in the mission I have a lower case "i" were it should be an upper case "I". From this point forward I will only note the maps and will cover it in the summary.
-Consider change the response button "Let's head out and everyone watch your self, this might be a Shadow Alliance base" to read "Let's head out and everyone watch yourself, this might be a Shadow Alliance base".
-At the "Camp site", the tent is hanging off the edge of the hill side. Consider moving the campsite to a flatter area so the tent sits flat on the ground.
-Consider separating the "Scan the Camp site" and "Go to the camp site" tasks. The grouping causes the player to have to leave the site and come back in to trigger the dialogue.
-Consider changing the "Talk to Orion child" tasks to be completed one at a time. Each could be triggered after the other.
-Consider reducing the number of "Talk to Alien" tasks to no more than two or give them each something more to say than the same thing.
Underground base: This is a nice map design with some tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Use of lower case "i" instead of upper case "I".
-The "Set up the transporter Pattern Enhancers" task. Currently they appear as soon as the tasks are available for the player. It looks odd. Consider setting up an invisible object as the trigger point and then set the pattern enhancers to appear when the player interacts with the invisible object.
Celtris System: This is a good map design with some tough battles. The story dialogue is short but well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Briefing Room: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "evasive manoeuvers" to read "evasive maneuvers".
Maeiwski System: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Ferengi Vessel: This is a nice map design with okay story dialogue but I find it unlikely that a Federation player would destroy a vessel they have captured by boarding it. This is a story point comment. The decision to destroy a vessel the Federation has boarded seems unnecessary. The player could arrest the Ferengi Captain and take the ship. This of course would make the battle on the next map unnecessary. You could delete that map and add a battle on this map with the crew of the Ferengi vessel. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "There is only three Ferengi lifesign" to read "There is only three Ferengi life signs".
-Use of lower case "i" instead of upper case "I".
Maeiwski System: This is a nice map design with a good battle but as indicated on the previous map write up I am not sure this map is needed. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Adarak Prime: This is a good map design with a tough but fun battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Deep Space: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Bortas Bridge: This is a good map design with very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The battles need some balancing. There are too many high level enemy mobs. I would not recommend this on Elite level.
-Use of lower case "i" instead of upper case "I".
Deep Space: This is a good map design with a tough but fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Lukeson" dialogue that follows the battle is also repeated in the "Player" dialogue in response to Lukeson.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This is a good mission in the series and I can see that you took several of the recommendations from my previous mission critiques. Good work.
Brian
This critique report also filed 12/16/2012 on forum posting for: Logitech007's 2 new missions
Hi zorbane,
Your missions Duritanium Man and The Galaxy's Fair are currently 4th and 5th in the queue behind hippiejon. I will review them as soon as possible.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Hi diogene0,
I am doing pretty well and work is keeping me busy as we approach the end of the year.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Thanks for understanding and have a great holiday!
Brian
Thanks for the feedback.
Logitech007
Damn who do you work for? Quark?
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
As always, glad I could help.
Brian
It is almost Quark, but with better pay...
Brian
Level: 35 +
Faction: Federation
Estimated Length: 15 Minutes
@Q400
For Foundry challenge five.
Original Handle: @Q400
Join Date: December 2010
Hey Q400,
You are currently 7th in the queue behind diogene0's mission. I hope to get into the queue by the weekend. Not sure if I can make a dent in it before then with work and trying to squeeze my Christmas shopping in. I will post here as soon as I finish.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Author: @JHawk1128
Minimum Level: Any Level
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HR5QOAR8K
Estimated Mission Length: ~20 Minutes
Method of Report Delivery: In-Game Message
That's my curse, that's my blessing
Mission Title: Diplomacy in the Gamma Quadrant
Player @Handle: @Marhawkman
Faction: Klingon
Level Requirement: 35+
Mission Summary: Orions are not the best warriors but they are skilled traders. Melani Di'an has convinced the high council that it is time to attempt to open trade negotiations with an old enemy. The task the High Council has given you is to make contact so that the negotiations can actually begin.
could you post here: http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?p=7163921#post7163921
PMs or posting here is fine too.
My character Tsin'xing
Hi Jhawk1128,
Thanks for the review request. Your mission is 8th in the list behind q403's mission. I plan to get started on the queue this weekend.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
You are only 2nd in the list.
Brian
Hi Marhawkman,
Welcome back to the queue. Your mission is currently 9th in the queue behind JHawk1128's mission. I will be getting into the queue this weekend. I am literally working right up through Friday and I am looking forward to the Christmas weekend!
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - Tempus fugit: Domus Part 4
Author: Logitech007
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJ7DUB9SI
Report Start
Summary: This is a good battle oriented mission with good map design and some good story dialogue to keep the mission moving forward. I would recommend this mission to other players who like that kind of mission.
I noted on several of the maps that the enemy mobs seemed way out gunned by friendly forces, so much so that I virtually did not have to engage enemy mobs. Battle balancing is one of the hardest things to do when authoring a mission. If you make it too hard then the players will not enjoy it, and the same is true if you make it too easy. You need to find the right balance. Try to make the support vessels and enemy vessels match in strength and type. Then the player will be the deciding factor in the battle. I realize this is not easy to do, so good luck.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The dialogue is intriguing. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "will you be able to make to the vortex" to read "will you be able to reach the vortex".
-Consider changing "One member of the crew will pay the ultimate sacrifice to try to get the crew home" to read "One member of the crew will make the ultimate sacrifice to get the rest home".
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: The usage of the prompt is okay. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
AR-558: This is a nice map design with a simple battle and well written dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "Let's not give us a chance too" to read "Let's not give them the chance too".
Chin'Toka IV: This is a good map design with a good battle and some story dialogue to drive the mission forward. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the battle balance to be just a little tougher. The friendly forces almost wiped out the enemy mobs with very little assistance from me.
Chin'Toka II/ Chin'Toka III: This is a good map design with a couple of good battles and some story dialogue to drive the mission forward. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the battle balance to be just a little tougher. The friendly forces pretty much wiped out the enemy mobs with virtually no assistance from me.
-Consider changing "We are coming towards Chin'Toga" to read "We are approaching Chin'Toka". This is based on the map name you give to the next map.
Chin'Toka: This is a nice map design with a good battle and some story dialogue to move the mission forward. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-I noted the task on this map says "Scan the Chin'Toga area" but the map name is "Chin'Toka". That is why I made the note above regarding Chin'Toga.
-Consider changing the battle balance to be just a little tougher. The friendly forces pretty much wiped out the enemy mobs with no assistance from me.
-Consider changing the map transfer dialogue "[Rank], we are coming towards the vortex" to read "[Rank], we are approaching the vortex".
Chin'Toka: This is a good map design with some nice optional battles and well written story dialogue to move the mission forward. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "Sorry, i can not spare anyone right now; just do the best you can" to read "Sorry, I cannot spare anyone right now; just do the best you can".
-Consider changing the Lukeson dialogue; "[Rank], i can quickly help them out" to read "[Rank], I can quickly help them out".
Deep Space: This is a nice map design with well written dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the initial dialogue; "[Rank], i think we did it" to read "[Rank], I think we did it".
-Consider changing the Engineer dialogue; "[Rank], i have good news and bad news" to read "[Rank], I have good news and bad news".
Deck Six: This is a very nicely done map with good mission and series wrap up dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing in several places:
-There are seven places in the player's dialogue to Lukeson's casket that you use "i" vice "I". Consider changing those to "I".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This is a good mission and a nice wrap up to the series. Your technique is definitely improving. Keep up the good work.
Brian
This critique report also filed 12/22/2012 on forum posting for: Logitech007's 2 new missions
Im looking into fixing those issues that you have pointed out to me.
Thanks.
Out of 5 stars, what would you give the Series?
Im working another series right now. I will give you the info when i am done.
Thanks.
Logitech007
Overall I would give the series a solid 4 stars...
Klingon Mission - Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey
Author: Bazag
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HJUSQESHQ
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission with good map design, tough fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I would highly recommend this mission to players who like those elements combined with a time travel story that actually works if you pay attention.
Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. It draws me in and makes me want to click "Accept". I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Space: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "We've reached the U.S.S. Picollo" to read "We've reached the U.S.S. Piccolo".
-Consider moving the U.S.S. Piccolo to be at least 12km away when the dialogue is triggered. If a player is cloaked they become uncloaked when the dialogue is triggered. It seems unusual for the player to be within 10km and the U.S.S. Piccolo does not see them.
-Consider reorienting the map to face east and using the "WeatherStarStreaks East-West 01" effect.
X-114: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "there is far too much energy being generated" to read "There is far too much energy being generated".
Unknown System: This is a great map design with tough, but fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "I recoomend you see what Starfleet had to say about this incident" to read "I recommend you see what Starfleet had to say about this incident".
Space Again: This is a nice map design and a good wrap up to this mission. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider reorienting the map to face east and using the "WeatherStarStreaks East-West 01" effect.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission. As always, I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 12/23/2012 on forum posting for: The Updated Consolidate List of Bazag Missions
Federation Mission - Officer Reports 1 : Ushaan
Author: hippiejohn
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPXL3NPMH
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with a lot of potential. The map designs are good and most of the story dialogue is very well done. I was looking forward to a great story involving Andorian traditions and a brother's pursuit of honor in defense of his kin. The shift in the story to a grind mission was annoying since there was no mention of this in the description. If you plan on keep the mission like this then you should add dialogue in the description that alludes to the possibility of this happening. I would recommend this mission to other players who like tough grinder missions but not on Elite level.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good detailed description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Many Officers, and some of the enlisted & civilian crew often congregate" to read "Many Officers, enlisted and civilian crew members congregate".
-Consider changing "Some of the power consuits even run through the room" to read "Some power conduits run through the room".
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location of the first custom map to the initial mission task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
'Below Decks' , Junior Officer's Lounge: This is a good map design with detailed dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it.
-Consider changing "So you'll come to Andoria then ?" to read "So you'll come to Andoria then?".
-The Linu dialogue; consider changing "Hey, at least this way we still have each other, right ?" to read "Hey, at least this way we still have each other, right?"
-I have noted at least three times where you have a space between the word and the "?" question mark. I also noted on the Chief Gug dialogue a space between the word and the "!" exclamation point. There are several locations where punctuation appears to have been separated from words by a single space, including the map name. From this point forward I will only note the maps this occurs on.
Andoria High Mountain Park: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it.
-The Lieutenant JG Shraal dialogue; consider changing "we both know that the circumstances" to read "We both know the circumstances".
-Consider changing the response button "Good Luck, Lieutenant" to read "Good luck, Lieutenant".
High Mountain Park Nature Preserve, Peak: This is a simple map design with several tough battles that I would not recommend this map on Elite level. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Check punctuation in the dialogue for spaces between the word and the punctuation.
-The console is buried in the snow. If this is intentional then consider changing the player animation to kneeling vice console interaction.
High Mountain Park Nature Preserve, Lower: This is a simple map design with several tough battles that I would not recommend this map on Elite level. The story dialogue is well written.
Andoria High Mountain Park, Breen Invasion: This is a simple map design with simple battle. The story dialogue is well written.
Andoria High Mountain Park, Ushaan Duel: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Check punctuation in the dialogue for spaces between the word and the punctuation.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. Your map design and story dialogue have a lot of potential to become a great story about Andorian traditions and honor. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 12/23/2012 on forum posting for: Introducing "Officer Reports"
Mission Name: In the Shadow of MIDAS, Part 1
Author: greendragoon
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJ7NMF3PH
Estimated Mission Length: 60+ minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum post here is fine.
Description:
MIDAS, an experimental array once used to communicate with the U.S.S. Voyager while it was stranded in the Delta Quadrant. These days it's sending more than messages. You are called to discover the fate of two Federation starships that failed to return after venturing through an experimental wormhole to the other side of the galaxy. But in the far reaches of space, a darkness dwells and you may find that two lost ships are the least of your worries. Do you have what it takes to unravel the mystery and return home in one piece?
Comments:
This is the first of a 3 part arc. I'll warn you now, this means it's a cliffhanger. It's also designed for single player.
Forum thread here which includes the the trailer.
Hi greendragoon,
Welcome to the queue. Your mission is 7th in the queue behind markhawkman. I am making progress in the queue but I may not get through it this weekend.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian