Unfortunately, none of the available objects really work to that effect. There are mining carts and such, but they're all 24th/25th-century-style, not the late 19th-century look I'd need. So, I decided leaving the caves bare was preferable to adding stuff that would look out of place and distract from the story.
I totally understand the Foundry limitations and as always I can only make suggestions. Either way the mission was still enjoyable.
"Clean Sweep"
Fed, Any Level
ST-HMHPVPQP5
Est. Length: 45 mins?
Start Location: Servin system in Regulus Sector
Teaser:
Behrens Station, one of the largest starship maintenance facilities servicing Starfleet vessels heading to and from the Klingon front, requires your aid providing cover for a task force that will soon be receiving passes by the station's Baryon sweep arrays.
Report to the station and ensure that all ships complete their Baryon particle purging without any interference from the Klingons or other hostile forces.
On top of your usual thoroughness, I'm interested in the feel for the difficulty for both ground and space battles, potential plot holes and how much suck your boffs had trying to get through doors.
Summary: This is a great mission with good map designs, tough battles and excellent story dialogue. Some of the maps have a few issues here and there but nothing too distracting. The story is pretty solid and I liked having to make some tough choices on some of the maps. A Captain's reasons are their own. The battles were tough, but fun throughout. The final map battles after the warp sequence were really tough and for that reason I would not recommend this mission on Elite level. Normal level is tough enough throughout. Having said all that I would highly recommend this mission to all players. You will enjoy the rollercoaster ride throughout the mission.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant and follow on dialogue are well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Behrens Station: This is a good map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Behrens Station - Command Center: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I like the transporter effect you created to get around the Foundry shortfall. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The chat text from some of the characters repeats so rapidly it becomes annoying and distracting. Consider reducing it or removing it.
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue that goes away after the player interacts or is removed when the player reaches or completes a certain objective.
-The PADD is sitting slightly above the bench and looks a little odd. Consider tweaking the height to be closer to the bench.
-This is not an issue but more of a side note to make it a little easier. In my 24 years of U.S. Naval service rank abbreviations come in handy when writing information. For example Lt. Cdr. Pauline Dennis could be written LCDR Pauline Dennis. If it were a commander it could be written CDR and so on.
U.S.S. Rigor Deck 22: This is a good map design with a fun battle and excellent story dialogue. I liked having to make a tough choice on how to deal with sickbay and the science lab. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-I could hear birds in the background. I suspect that is from the base map you chose. I am not sure you can get rid of it by selecting another background setting, but I thought it was worth noting.
-The BOFFs had issues with most of the doors but eventually made it through them.
-Science Officer dialogue; consider changing "What if we jerryrigged some power cells" to read "What if we jerry-rigged sine power cells".
-The EPS console in the hall is sunk into the deck. Consider tweaking it a little to raise it a little more so it looks like it is on the deck vice in it.
U.S.S. Rigor Engineering Deck: This is a great map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I like the transporter effect you created to get around the Foundry shortfall. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider making the Jeffries tube material a lighter color. That would match the bulkhead material a little better.
-The door you are using to block the doorway on the far side of the cargo transporter room looks odd. I know you are trying to prevent the player from flanking the enemy forces but consider centering the door a little more or use another method to block the way.
Retaking the Command Center: This is a good map design with several tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written. Again I liked having to make a choice on strategy. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Behrens Station - Final Confrontation: This is a great map design with several tough battles. I would not want to try this map on Elite as it was hard enough on Normal. The story dialogue is excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Hey, Evil! Hope you have been well. You reviewed my mission "Finding resolution" a while back and I have a new one for you when you have a chance.
The Far wanderer ID: ST-HFXJYEDSW FACTION: Federation LEVEL: 41+ PLAY TIME: Aprox. 40 minutes GAME PLAY: Investigation, Exploration, some Space Combat, Dialogue Heavy.
Many Thanks, AJS
Federation Mission - The Far Wanderer
Author: ajstoner
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HFXJYEDSW
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission with amazingly detailed map design, excellent story dialogue, and a few battles too. I would highly recommend this mission to all players who like a great story combined with great map designs and a few battles. This is not a combat oriented mission but is amazingly well done.
Below are a few issues I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a very detailed description; however you should consider moving the actual mission description above the {MissionInfo) data. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location to the initial mission task. This will make it easier for players to play your mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: The Vorn System: This is a good map with a fun battle and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Alien Power Control: This is a fantastic map design with amazing detail. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "We have place your down in what seems to be" to read "We have placed you down in what appears to be".
-On some of the decks you used I noted a shimmer when I moved. This is caused by overlapping objects with similar texture. If you decrease their alignment of overlapping objects by .001 on the "X, Y, or Z" axis as needed should mitigate the effect.
-While the map design is outstanding and very detailed the BOFFs seem to have a hard time staying with me in some areas. This is okay as long as the player does not have to engage enemy mobs.
Alien Hydroponics Lab: This is a fantastic map design with amazing detail. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "This musty be the right place" to read "This must be the right place", unless you were making a joke about the age of the ship.
-As with the other map, the map design is outstanding and very detailed the BOFFs seem to have a hard time staying with me in some areas. This is okay as long as the player does not have to engage enemy mobs.
Alien Hibernation Chamber: This is a fantastic map design with amazing detail. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-As with the other maps, the map design is outstanding and very detailed the BOFFs seem to have a hard time staying with me in some areas. This is okay as long as the player does not have to engage enemy mobs.
Alien Bridge: This is a fantastic map design with amazing detail and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Vorn XII Orbit: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Confront the Klingons" dialogue; consider changing "K'plah, [ShipName]" to read "Qapla', [ShipName]"
-Consider changing the response button "K'plah" to read "Qapla'".
-Consider having all enemy engagements take place in the same area around the alien ship. The last battle was very tough without support.
Epilogue: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue and is an excellent wrap up to the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did an amazing job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work.
Brian
I have got these 2 new missions that are part of a series, and i was wondering if you can look at them and play them.
1) Tempus Fugit: Principium
Author: Logitech007
Level: 41+
Allegiance: Starfleet/ Federation
Project ID: ST-HJQE7X27J
Starting Location: Veela System in the Kassae Sector in the Regulus Sector Block
Description:
On your way back to Earth, when you received a transmission from an Admiral at Starfleet Command, asking you to investigate the missing Federation vessel that has not checked in. You have located the vessel on the farside of a nebula, as you come towards the vessels, things don't appear as it should be.......
2) Tempus Fugit: amicis et spes
Author: Logitech007
Level: 35+
Allegiance: Starfleet/ Federation
Project ID: ST-HJLXEWMRG
Starting Location: Veela System in the Kassae Sector in the Regulus Sector Block
Description:
You have formed an alliance with your former enemy to do battle with the Shadow Alliance. Can you both survive the Shadow Alliance attack? Trapped in a different reality where nothing is what it seems to be. Will you get back or will you be trapped here forever?
You can either post your report here on the forums or ingame me at: @Logitech007
Thanks so much for taking the time to review and play my new missions.
This isn't a grand mission, being my first, but I'd still like some feedback. Especially the boss battle, since I don't have 4 friends to test it with.
Mission Name: Thermal Breakdown
Author: ScaryGuy
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HATZ6VKK7
Estimated Mission Length: 30 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
I have got these 2 new missions that are part of a series, and i was wondering if you can look at them and play them.
1) Tempus Fugit: Principium
Author: Logitech007
Level: 41+
Allegiance: Starfleet/ Federation
Project ID: ST-HJQE7X27J
Starting Location: Veela System in the Kassae Sector in the Regulus Sector Block
Description:
On your way back to Earth, when you received a transmission from an Admiral at Starfleet Command, asking you to investigate the missing Federation vessel that has not checked in. You have located the vessel on the farside of a nebula, as you come towards the vessels, things don't appear as it should be.......
2) Tempus Fugit: amicis et spes
Author: Logitech007
Level: 35+
Allegiance: Starfleet/ Federation
Project ID: ST-HJLXEWMRG
Starting Location: Veela System in the Kassae Sector in the Regulus Sector Block
Description:
You have formed an alliance with your former enemy to do battle with the Shadow Alliance. Can you both survive the Shadow Alliance attack? Trapped in a different reality where nothing is what it seems to be. Will you get back or will you be trapped here forever?
You can either post your report here on the forums or ingame me at: @Logitech007
Thanks so much for taking the time to review and play my new missions.
Thanks.
Logitech007
Hi Logitech007,
Thanks for the request and welcome to the queue. Your missions are 1 and 2 in the queue. As with last week I am working long hours at work and will try to get to your missions before Friday. I'll post the reviews here and in your posting upon completion.
This isn't a grand mission, being my first, but I'd still like some feedback. Especially the boss battle, since I don't have 4 friends to test it with.
Mission Name: Thermal Breakdown
Author: ScaryGuy
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HATZ6VKK7
Estimated Mission Length: 30 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Hi ScaryGuy,
Thanks for the review request and welcome to the Foundry. You are 3rd in the queue behind Logitech007. I hope to get to his missions before Friday, if not then Friday and your mission will follow right after.
I have a new mission if you would care to play it;
Mission Name: The Emissary of the Pah-wraiths
Author: Captain_Revo
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HOOWTK7A8
Estimated Mission Length: 45 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
This is the continuation of the story from;
part 1 - The Worst of all Worlds
part 2 - Nine of Space Deep
part 3 - The Temple of the Pah-wraiths
I have a new mission if you would care to play it;
Mission Name: The Emissary of the Pah-wraiths
Author: Captain_Revo
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HOOWTK7A8
Estimated Mission Length: 45 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
This is the continuation of the story from;
part 1 - The Worst of all Worlds
part 2 - Nine of Space Deep
part 3 - The Temple of the Pah-wraiths
Hi Captain Revo,
Thanks for the review request and welcome back to the queue. You are currently 4th in the queue behind ScaryGuy. This has been a long week at work. I hope to catch up the queue this weekend.
I apologize for the delay of the reviews. This has been a very rough week at work and I am exhausted. I hope to get back into the reviews tomorrow, but if I am feeling like I do right now I may have to postpone these reviews.
Sorry for the delay, I will get back into the reviews as soon as possible,
Brian
I have got these 2 new missions that are part of a series, and i was wondering if you can look at them and play them.
1) Tempus Fugit: Principium
Author: Logitech007
Level: 41+
Allegiance: Starfleet/ Federation
Project ID: ST-HJQE7X27J
Starting Location: Veela System in the Kassae Sector in the Regulus Sector Block
Description:
On your way back to Earth, when you received a transmission from an Admiral at Starfleet Command, asking you to investigate the missing Federation vessel that has not checked in. You have located the vessel on the farside of a nebula, as you come towards the vessels, things don't appear as it should be.......
You can either post your report here on the forums or ingame me at: @Logitech007
Thanks so much for taking the time to review and play my new missions.
Summary: This is a great mission concept with good map designs and several very tough battles. Based on the grammatical issues I assume that English is not your primary language. The story dialogue is well written but has several grammatical issues that detract from the overall story. The tough enemy mobs spread across the maps do need to be balanced better. With those issues in mind I would still recommend this mission to others but not on Elite level as it was hard enough to get through on Normal.
Below are several things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "things don't appear as it should be" to read "things don't appear as they should".
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is the same as the main part of the description. Consider this dialogue to be the Starfleet Admiral you allude to in the description. Develop dialogue that tells just enough of the story to draw the player in and make them want to click "Accept". I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "things don't appear as it should be" to read "things don't appear as they should".
-The Veela system is in the Celes Sector of the Regulus sector block.
-Consider moving the initial dialogue identified on the Veela System map to the grant dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location of the first custom map to the initial task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a simple use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Veela System: This is a good map design with a challenging battle. The story dialogue is well written but has several grammatical issues. I noted several items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue upon entering the Veela system seems to be better suited for use as the grant and post grant dialogue. You should use the Tactical Officer initial dialogue regarding the transmission from the Deputy Director of Starfleet Intelligence as the initial grant dialogue. The post grant dialogue would be all the remaining dialogue currently located in the Veela System initial dialogue up. You should use it up to the Admiral Kris Gaboury end of transmission. Once the player enters the system you pick up the initial dialogue with Commander Dylan Evan Lukeson dialogue regarding receiving the information.
-The Admiral Gaboury dialogue; consider changing "I will be asking you for a favor" to read "I need to ask you for a favor". Remove the word "actually".
-Consider changing "The favor is for the Director , who asked me to look into finding a lost Federation vessel? " to read "The Director asked me to look into the disappearance of a Federation vessel". No question mark. Then add "That is where you come in [Rank]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]She wants us to track down a Federation vessel that could be or could not be missing[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]The Director wants us to search for a Federation vessel that may or may not be missing?".
-Consider removing the entire last part of the dialogue starting with "[OOC]Sir, with all due respect[/OOC]" and ending with "[OOC]Federation's powerful vessels[/OOC]". It feels slightly arrogant on the part of the player.
-The Admiral Gaboury dialogue; consider changing "a close personal friend of the Director and she asked me to look into this and that is what I am doing" to read "a close personal friend of the Director. She asked me to look into this and that is what I am doing".
-Consider changing the response button "How is Admiral William Glaceau doing" to read " How is the Admiral doing".
-Consider changing "Admiral William Glaceau is talking a vacation" to read "The Admiral is on vacation".
-Consider changing "Are you joking" to read "Really?".
-Consider changing "I don't think you Starfleet Intelligence people take vacation" to read "I didn't think Starfleet intelligence people ever took vacations".
-Consider changing "[Rank], we don't take vacations" to read "We don't take vacations"
-Consider changing "I am sending you all the information on the Federation vessel, what system it was in and any other information that is needed" to read "I am sending you all the information we have on the vessel".
-Consider changing "Admiral Kris Gaboury out" to read "Admiral Gaboury out".
-The Commander Dylan Evan Lukeson dialogue; consider changing "The U.S.S. Zealous mission was to search and locate an planet able to house a new Federation planetside starbase" to read "The mission was to scout planetary systems suitable to locate a starbase".
-Consider changing "The last transmission from the Zealous, indicates that they found the Veela planet to be able to house a new planetside starbase" to read "The last transmission from Zealous indicated a planet in the Veela system was suitable to locate a starbase".
-The response button "What happened" leads to a popup dialogue with a "Federation Console Prop" in the character window and the dialogue "I don't know". Consider changing the character in the window to Commander Dylan Evan Lukeson.
-The post "Scan the Veela System" dialogue. The player asks the same question regarding the U.S.S. Zealous previously asked in the initial dialogue. Consider deleting this and picking up with the Bridge Science BOFF dialogue.
-Consider changing "We just picked up a Federation distress call from the U.S.S. Zealous" to read "We are receiving a distress call from the Zealous".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Set course for the distress call[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Plot an intercept course with the Zealous[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Also, Commander as soon as we are cleared for the nebula, scan the U.S.S. Zealous[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]As soon as we clear the nebula scan the Zealous[/OOC]".
-The post "Scan the battle zone" dialogue; consider changing "We have doubled checked the sensor readings and it is the Breen and the Klingon's that have attacked the Zealous" to read "I have confirmed both the Breen and Klingons are attacking the Zealous".
-Consider changing "Why would the Klingon's attack a Federation vessel with the Breen helping out" to read "Why would the Klingons team up with the Breen to attack a Federation vessel".
-Consider changing "I can understand the Breen but why the Klingon's after we signed the treaty with them a year ago" to read "It makes no sense".
-Consider changing "I don't know, but we are clearing the nebula" to read "I don't know. They are targeting the Zealous".
-Consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Battle stations".
-The post "Destroy the attacker" dialogue; consider changing "We are scanning the Federation vessel" to read "We are scanning the Zealous".
-The post "Scan the U.S.S. Zealous" dialogue; "but we have detected several Breen and Klingon Lifesigns on the Vessel" to read "but we are picking up several Breen and Klingon life signs onboard.
-Consider deleting "Also, the away teams are standing by".
-Consider changing "We need to be careful when we are over there, we don't know we are going to find out" to read "Have the away team meet me in the transporter room".
U.S.S. Zealous Deck 10: This is a good map design with several very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider removing the hard return in the post scan dialogue between "detected 9"and "enemy boarding parties".
-Consider changing "Plasma" to read "plasma".
-Consider removing the "Scan Engineering" task and move the associated dialogue to the post "Scan Deck 10" dialogue.
-Consider changing "[Rank], the boarding parties all have been killed on this deck" to read "[Rank], all boarding parties on this deck have been cleared, and the deck is secured".
-Consider balancing the battles more to get progressively harder as the player advances through the map. You did add respawn points deeper in the map but on one battle alone I had to respawn 5 times to complete the fight. This level would probably be virtually impossible on Elite.
U.S.S. Zealous Bridge: This is a good map design with several very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written but I noted some grammatical issues. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Let's be careful and take care of these breen" to read "Let's be careful and take care of these Breen".
-Consider removing "Everyone let's go".
-Consider changing "[Rank], we have killed the Breen boarding parties" to read "[Rank], all boarding parties on this deck have been cleared, and the deck is secured".
-Consider changing "Also, we are been hailed from our vessel" to read "The ship is hailing us".
-Consider changing "from the Breen , the Klingons and from an ally" to read "from the Breen, the Klingons and from an ally".
-Consider changing "Jem'hadar First Vara'aresh out" to read "Jem'Hadar First Vara'aresh out".
-Consider changing "[Rank], that is odd and strange The Jem'Hadar coming to help a Federation vessels that is under attack from a Klingon and Breen vessels" to read "[Rank], that is odd, the Jem'Hadar coming to help a Federation vessel that is under attack from Klingon and Breen vessels".
-Consider changing "The Jem'Hadar would never help the Federation out" to read "The Jem'Hadar would never help the Federation".
-Consider changing "Yes, I do find that little odd and strange" to read "That does seem odd".
-Consider changing "We should download some of the Database from one of their computers and find out what is going on here and I suggest we do it quickly before we become a part of this" to read "We should download the ships database and get out of here as soon as possible".
-Consider changing "[Rank], the database has been downloaded to our vessel's database" to read "[Rank], the database has been downloaded".
-Consider removing "We can access it at any time on your vessel".
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "Sit down and we will Start the Briefing shortly" to read "[Rank], the senior staff has gathered and is ready to begin the briefing".
Briefing Room: This is a good map design but the dialogue and story needs a little work. Consider adding dialogue that clearly indicates that the player is now in an alternate reality. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Before, everyone gets involved, the away team did bring back their downloaded database" to read "Before we go any farther the away team downloaded the ships database".
-Consider removing "The Captain will go and look at it and transfer it to the Holo projector in the middle of the tables". Change the task for the player to go to the console and load the database to a trigger that appears where the player is seated. The animation can be the same as the one where he sits. Captains should not be ordered by their crew to load anything.
-Based on the above recommendation consider removing "Please talk amongst your self till I get back from transferring the data to the projection".
-Based on the above recommendation consider removing "So, i have transferred it to the holo projection in the middle of the room".
-Consider changing "[Rank], we had some time to look this information over and found some information that does not much our database" to read "[Rank], we have examined the database you downloaded and found some discrepancies".
-Consider changing "We have also, have the location of the Terrans planet" to read "We have also located the Terran planet".
-Consider changing "We have also, have a couple of systems that were listed key in the database, that we should look at" to read "There are also four star systems that have been identified in the database that we should look at".
-Consider changing "Ok. Before we go any where I want information on the four systems before I pick where to start" to read "Ok, I want to see the information on those systems before we get started".
-Consider changing "[Rank], sorry to interrupt, but three enemy vessels have entered the system and are heading this way, we also picking up three more on long range sensors" to read "[Rank], sorry to interrupt, but three enemy vessels have entered the system, and are heading this way. Long range sensors are also picking up three more enemy ships inbound".
-Consider changing the response button "Opinions" to read "Options".
-Consider changing "so running is not an opinion, so I say we destroy them before the others call for help" to read "so running is not an option. I say we engage them".
-Consider changing the response button "More opinions" to read "More options".
-Consider changing "I agree with the attack" to read "I say attack".
-Consider changing "Ok. That is settled" to read "Then it is settled".
Veela System: This is a good map design with several very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written but I noted some grammatical issues. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[OOC]No, i don't think so[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]No I don't think so[/OOC]"
-Consider changing "[OOC]They dispatched some vessels to destroy the U.S.S. Zealous and they did not report back so they sent more ships to investigate so they sent warships[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]They dispatch ships to destroy the Zealous, when those ships do not report back they send more[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[Rank], if we can reach just inside the nebula then maybe we can get a message to the Jem'Hadar to come and help, because we are no match for 6 warships, we need help and even if they are "our" allies in this reality" to read "[Rank], we are no match for 6 ships. I recommend we call the Jem'Hadar for help. We will need to get just inside the nebula to send the message".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Ok. But I doubt that those warships will let us contact some help. We must destroy them then go contact them[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]I agree but I doubt the Breen will allow us to call for help. We will need to destroy them before we can contact the Jem?Hadar[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]We are under heavy attack by the Shadow alliance, we need assistance. We have engaged three battle ships and have three more coming in on the other side of the nebula, and even more on the way, we will not be able to hold out with assistance[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]We have been engaged by Shadow alliance ships. There are several more ships in bound and we need your assistance[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "My vessel will move in to engage these vessels on the other side of the nebula" to read "My ships will move to engage the enemy".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Commander, I want the information on the Orias system, before we get to the system[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Commander, I want any information we have on the Orias system before we get to the system[/OOC]".
Jem'Hadar base system: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue but I noted several grammatical issues. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "[Rank], here is the information on the Orias system, that you have requested, but let me remind, this is the information from "our" reality, not this on" to read "[Rank], here is the information on the Orias system you requested, but let me remind you that this is from our reality, not this one".
-Consider changing "[Rank], im scanning the orias sys?" to read "[Rank], I'm scanning the Orias sys...".
-Consider changing "It appears that this system is protected by four beacon that send detail scanning of this system, and when a vessel appears, the Jem'Hadar send a vessel to investigate it" to read "It seems the system is monitored by four sensor satellites that conduct a detailed scan of the system. When a ship appears the Jem'Hadar send a ship to investigate".
-Consider changing "Its also protected by an unknown number of Jem'Hadar vessels" to read "It's also protected by a large number of Jem'Hadar ships".
-Consider changing "This has to be one of the strongest defend area I have ever seen" to read "This has to be one of the strongest defended areas I have ever seen".
-Consider removing "No one risks attack them".
-Consider changing "Also, there is a number of drydocks and mining and factories in this system" to read "Scans also indicate there are a large number of dry docks, mining, and factories spread across the system".
-Consider changing "[Rank], If you have not noticed, we have a large amount of vessels guarding this base" to read "[Rank], if you have not noticed, we have a large number of ships guarding this base".
-Consider changing "This is one of two Major Jem'Hadar base that we have here in the Ahla quadrant" to read "This is one of two major Jem'Hadar bases in the Alpha quadrant".
-Consider changing "Only the Second, Third and I, knows where the second one is located for security reasons" to read "Only the second, third, and I know the location of the second base for security reasons".
-Consider changing "Did you have any trouble located my vessel" to read "I trust you did not have too much trouble finding my ship".
-Consider removing the warp in effect for the Jem?Hadar ships. They continue to warp in, which looks odd.
-Consider changing "Yes, we have the beacon rely all the sensor data back to the command post on the planet then we dispatch vessels" to read "Yes, we have the sensor satellites relay all data back to the command post on the planet. When a ship is detected we dispatch ships to intercept".
-Consider changing "We find it easy way of protecting our base and space" to read "We have found it to be an efficient way of protecting our base.
-Consider removing "I am sorry that it just has to be that way, [Rank]".
Jem'Hadar First Vara'aresh Vessel: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Jem'Hadar typing on the console as the player beams in is typing through the console. Consider moving the NPC back slightly to fix this issue.
Jem'Hadar Base: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue but I found several grammatical issues that need to be corrected. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "The Jem'Hadar First Vara'aresh is sitting in his chair onto of the ramp" to read "The Jem'Hadar First Vara'aresh is sitting in his chair on the command platform".
-Consider removing the required dialogue with the other Jem'Hadar in the command center. The dialogue with them adds nothing to the story. You could make them optional dialogue.
-Consider changing "My fleet is just preparing our vessels to this battle that we know is coming" to read "My fleet is preparing to engage in the battle we know is coming".
-Consider changing "To be honest, [Rank], some believe that we should just leave you guys alone and let you find your own way home, instead of helping someone from another time and place, because we the Jem'Hadar have our own battles and enemies and do not need to be brought into someone else" to read "To be honest [Rank], some believe we have troubles of our own, and do not have the resources to help others".
-Consider changing "Then I explained it, stating that if the Shadow alliance gets your technology or gets any of your vessels or any information from your database that would put all of us at risk" to read "I explained that if the Shadow alliance gained access to any of your technology it would change the balance of power in the quadrant".
-Consider changing "So we all agreed to help but let me warn you, not everyone is happy about it, [Rank] "to read "We all agreed it is necessary but not everyone is happy about it".
-Consider changing "It was only a matter of time before the Shadow alliance would find this base and launch a fleet to destroy this base" to read "I knew it would only be a matter of time before the Shadow alliance found our base and tried to destroy it".
Jem'Hadar base system: This is a good map design with several very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written but I noted some grammatical issues. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider balancing the enemy mobs with the friendly mobs. The Jem'Hadar ships were wiped out fairly quickly and I was left to defeat the enemy mobs by myself after being destroyed several times. I would not recommend this mission on Elite level.
-Consider changing "The Jem'Hadar fleet is heading towards the other Shadow Alliance vessel that are just outside the system" to read "The Jem'Hadar are moving to engage the other Shadow Alliance ships just outside the system".
Deep Space: This is a good map design with a balanced battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This mission needs some work on the grammatical issues but overall it was a fun mission. Due to the amount of grammatical issues found in this mission and the length of time I spent cataloging them I will withdraw your second mission from review for now.
Brian
Hey Evil ^.^ I finally have Ep.3 done and ready for review whenever you get the chance.
Mission Name: The Wave Empire Ep.3
Author: Skyline45
Minimum Level: 35+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HAVYZLC4O
Est. Time: 35min
Recommended Difficulty: Normal
Description:
The opening shots have been fired by the Misthi. It seems intergalactic war is imminent. Fleet Admiral Vincient Skyline has come up with a desperate plan of action to once and for all take care of Uioda and his Misthi. It is up to you to implement this plan, and prevent the galaxy from falling into complete chaos.
Hey Evil ^.^ I finally have Ep.3 done and ready for review whenever you get the chance.
Mission Name: The Wave Empire Ep.3
Author: Skyline45
Minimum Level: 35+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HAVYZLC4O
Est. Time: 35min
Recommended Difficulty: Normal
Description:
The opening shots have been fired by the Misthi. It seems intergalactic war is imminent. Fleet Admiral Vincient Skyline has come up with a desperate plan of action to once and for all take care of Uioda and his Misthi. It is up to you to implement this plan, and prevent the galaxy from falling into complete chaos.
Thank you for all your input xD
Hi Skyline,
Welcome back to the queue. You are 3rd in the queue behind Captain_Revo. I hope to get back into the reviews tomorrow morning.
I have got these 2 new missions that are part of a series, and i was wondering if you can look at them and play them.
2) Tempus Fugit: amicis et spes
Author: Logitech007
Level: 35+
Allegiance: Starfleet/ Federation
Project ID: ST-HJLXEWMRG
Starting Location: Veela System in the Kassae Sector in the Regulus Sector Block
Description:
You have formed an alliance with your former enemy to do battle with the Shadow Alliance. Can you both survive the Shadow Alliance attack? Trapped in a different reality where nothing is what it seems to be. Will you get back or will you be trapped here forever?
You can either post your report here on the forums or ingame me at: @Logitech007
Thanks so much for taking the time to review and play my new missions.
Thanks.
Logitech007
Federation Mission - Tempus Fugit: amicis et spes
Author: Logitech007
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJLXEWMRG
Report Start
Summary: Due to the length of time I spent on your first mission and the issues I found that are similar in this mission I am going to file the summary for this mission. This is a good mission overall but there are still several grammatical issues across all the maps. The grammatical and spelling issues that range from the use of singular context instead of plural to the use of lower case "i" instead of upper case "I". The map where we engage the Shadow Alliance and blind the sensors you used the word "Pulase" instead of "Pulse". The enemy mobs spread across the maps are very tough and I would not recommend a player take this mission on at Elite level. Despite the grammatical, spelling, and battle issues I would still recommend this mission to other players. Overall it is a good mission with a great story.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is the same as the main part of the description. As with the other mission you need to develop dialogue that tells just enough of the story to draw the player in and make them want to click "Accept".
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with the start location for the first custom map. Consider adding the sector block to this task to help those who do not have a detailed map and have to rely on the one provided by STO. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This mission needs work on the grammatical, spelling, and enemy mob balancing. It need work but is still worth playing.
Brian
This isn't a grand mission, being my first, but I'd still like some feedback. Especially the boss battle, since I don't have 4 friends to test it with.
Mission Name: Thermal Breakdown
Author: ScaryGuy
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HATZ6VKK7
Estimated Mission Length: 30 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Summary: This has the potential to be a great mission but the Fire Caves map has a huge issue. The platforms are the flaw in the map. If you miss a platform you fall into the liquid fire below. Once that happens you are stuck in the fire pit. They have no choice but beam up and reenter the map. They then have to start the map all over. If you are going to leave the platforms then you need to design a way out of the fire pit so the player does not have to start the map over again. I tried to get across the platforms at least 5 times and if you hit the wrong one you fall. If you accidently go too far or not far enough on the jump you fall. After the 3rd time it was very frustrating. I tried twice more and final dropped the mission. I spent an hour and half trying to get across the platforms. I would not recommend this mission for other players until you provide a way up out of the pit that does not involve having to beam up.
Mission Description: This is a nice simple description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good detailed grant dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "True Way Cardassian terroist group" to read "True Way Cardassian terrorist group".
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Fire Cave: This is a challenging map, with fun battles and good story dialogue. The platforms are a huge issue without a way out of the pit. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This is a good concept and not bad for the first time development. With some work this mission can become a great mission.
Brian
I have completed 2 missions of a multi-part series, and would very much appreciate feedback when you have some time.
Mission Name: A Cubical Mystery(Prologue)
Author: F9thSFHQ
Minimum Level: 46+ (hardcoded in game, I say, Min Level: 50)
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HDUI5CK7B
Estimated Mission Length: 45 minutes to 1hour20mins depending on career/difficulty setting
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
My First foundry mission I have made however I have refined it over the last 3-4weeks so it is fairly mature in its making.
It is designed to have fairly challenging combat, but nothing that isn't solo-able even on Adv./Elite
.
Mission Name: Mechanical Infestations(Pt. I)
Author: F9thSFHQ
Minimum Level: 50
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HSOFQFFC4
Estimated Mission Length: 45 minutes to 1hour15mins depending on career/difficulty
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Both are relatively combat heavy missions with medium amt. of dialogue
Thanks,
SFHQ
---
"We are the Borg. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Resistance is futile."
Sincerely,
The Cube Assimilating Your Ship Right Now
I have a new mission if you would care to play it;
Mission Name: The Emissary of the Pah-wraiths
Author: Captain_Revo
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HOOWTK7A8
Estimated Mission Length: 45 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
This is the continuation of the story from;
part 1 - The Worst of all Worlds
part 2 - Nine of Space Deep
part 3 - The Temple of the Pah-wraiths
Federation Mission - The Emissary of the Pah-wraiths
Author: Captain_Revo
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HOOWTK7A8
Report Start
Summary: This is a riveting mission from start to finish and a worthy sequel in the series. The map designs are great, the battles tough, but fun, and the story dialogue is excellent. I would highly recommend this mission and the entire series to all players.
Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. Consider moving the actual mission description up to be above the mission part listing. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a great grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Tiza System" to read "Tazi System".
-Consider changing "in orbit of Tiza II" to read "in orbit of Tazi II".
MAPS: Tazi System: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Research Station Gamma: This is a great map design with a good battle and excellent story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "It's jack" to read "Its Jack".
Tazi II: This is a good map design with a fun battle and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Dace System: This is a good map design with balanced battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
The Kinjer System: This is a good map design with a balanced battle and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The spawn point seems slightly off the initial location. I had to swing the ship around to trigger the initial dialogue and battle.
Transwarp Test Base Two: This is a great map design with challenging, but fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
-Consider making the dying and injured optional dialogue triggered so it disappears after the player interacts with it.
-The console for "Investigate Jack's Actions" appears to be too low in the deck. Consider moving it back and up slightly to place it on the deck.
Ready Room: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Sol System: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Earth Space Dock: This is a great map design with tough, but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider making optional dialogue triggered so it disappears after the player interacts with it.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and the entire series to date. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
I have completed 2 missions of a multi-part series, and would very much appreciate feedback when you have some time.
Mission Name: A Cubical Mystery(Prologue)
Author: F9thSFHQ
Minimum Level: 46+ (hardcoded in game, I say, Min Level: 50)
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HDUI5CK7B
Estimated Mission Length: 45 minutes to 1hour20mins depending on career/difficulty setting
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
My First foundry mission I have made however I have refined it over the last 3-4weeks so it is fairly mature in its making.
It is designed to have fairly challenging combat, but nothing that isn't solo-able even on Adv./Elite
.
Mission Name: Mechanical Infestations(Pt. I)
Author: F9thSFHQ
Minimum Level: 50
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HSOFQFFC4
Estimated Mission Length: 45 minutes to 1hour15mins depending on career/difficulty
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Both are relatively combat heavy missions with medium amt. of dialogue
Thanks,
SFHQ
Hi SFHQ,
Thanks for the review request. Your missions are 2nd and 3rd in the queue behind Skyline45. I will get to both your missions as soon as I can.
Really appreciated the help you gave me on my first mission, I'm a big boy now and here's my next two. Hoping for your feedback.
Mission Name: Duritanium Man Author:@Zorbane Minimum Level: 41+ Allegiance:Federation Project ID: ST-HSMJTB692 Estimated Mission Length: 45minutes - 1 hour Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Mission Name: The Galaxy's Fair Author:@Zorbane Minimum Level: Any level Allegiance:Federation Project ID: ST-HIL8TIJ29 Estimated Mission Length: 20-30minutes Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
If you were to play them in order Duritanium Man comes first,
Really appreciated the help you gave me on my first mission, I'm a big boy now and here's my next two. Hoping for your feedback.
Mission Name: Duritanium Man Author:@Zorbane Minimum Level: 41+ Allegiance:Federation Project ID: ST-HSMJTB692 Estimated Mission Length: 45minutes - 1 hour Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Mission Name: The Galaxy's Fair Author:@Zorbane Minimum Level: Any level Allegiance:Federation Project ID: ST-HIL8TIJ29 Estimated Mission Length: 20-30minutes Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
If you were to play them in order Duritanium Man comes first,
Thanks!
Hi Zorbane,
Thanks for the review request. Your missions are 4 and 5 behind SFHQ. I will be getting to the mission queue as soon as I can. I'll make sure I play them in order.
Mission Name: This Far No Further
Author: @Captain_Revo
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HEWKB36M7
Estimated Mission Length: 45 Mins
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Hi again,
this is the final part in my 5 part story. You played Emissary of the Pah-wraiths last week, and I hope you enjoy my conclusion. It is already out of the review stage now.
Hey Evil ^.^ I finally have Ep.3 done and ready for review whenever you get the chance.
Mission Name: The Wave Empire Ep.3
Author: Skyline45
Minimum Level: 35+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HAVYZLC4O
Est. Time: 35min
Recommended Difficulty: Normal
Description:
The opening shots have been fired by the Misthi. It seems intergalactic war is imminent. Fleet Admiral Vincient Skyline has come up with a desperate plan of action to once and for all take care of Uioda and his Misthi. It is up to you to implement this plan, and prevent the galaxy from falling into complete chaos.
Summary: This is a great mission with challenging battles and very well written story dialogue. It is a worthy sequel in the series. I would highly recommend this mission to all players although not on Elite level, which the author also does not recommend.
Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a map location of the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The location to start the first custom map is a little difficult to find. I went to the standard location on ESD and found it. Consider adding a short line, something like "Take turbo lift to embassy".
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Waveloid Embassy: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adjusting some of the NPCs in the control room that are standing too far from the console.
Reliokah: This is a good map design with challenging but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[Rank], I'm picking up temporal satellites surronding Reliokah" to read "[Rank], I'm picking up temporal satellites surrounding Reliokah".
Reliokah Surface (Pre-Ice Age): This is a good map design with challenging but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Temporal Research Facility: This is a good map design with very challenging battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Unknown Location: This is a good map design with very challenging battles and very well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Why wont you just die" to read "Why won't you just die".
-Consider shrinking the size of the "Check Uioda's body" task trigger area. When it started I was standing inside the trigger area and had to leave and reenter the area to trigger it.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and the series. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Comments
I totally understand the Foundry limitations and as always I can only make suggestions. Either way the mission was still enjoyable.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - Clean Sweep
Author: rogueeenterprise
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HMHPVPQP5
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission with good map designs, tough battles and excellent story dialogue. Some of the maps have a few issues here and there but nothing too distracting. The story is pretty solid and I liked having to make some tough choices on some of the maps. A Captain's reasons are their own.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant and follow on dialogue are well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Behrens Station: This is a good map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Behrens Station - Command Center: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I like the transporter effect you created to get around the Foundry shortfall. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The chat text from some of the characters repeats so rapidly it becomes annoying and distracting. Consider reducing it or removing it.
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue that goes away after the player interacts or is removed when the player reaches or completes a certain objective.
-The PADD is sitting slightly above the bench and looks a little odd. Consider tweaking the height to be closer to the bench.
-This is not an issue but more of a side note to make it a little easier. In my 24 years of U.S. Naval service rank abbreviations come in handy when writing information. For example Lt. Cdr. Pauline Dennis could be written LCDR Pauline Dennis. If it were a commander it could be written CDR and so on.
U.S.S. Rigor Deck 22: This is a good map design with a fun battle and excellent story dialogue. I liked having to make a tough choice on how to deal with sickbay and the science lab. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-I could hear birds in the background. I suspect that is from the base map you chose. I am not sure you can get rid of it by selecting another background setting, but I thought it was worth noting.
-The BOFFs had issues with most of the doors but eventually made it through them.
-Science Officer dialogue; consider changing "What if we jerryrigged some power cells" to read "What if we jerry-rigged sine power cells".
-The EPS console in the hall is sunk into the deck. Consider tweaking it a little to raise it a little more so it looks like it is on the deck vice in it.
U.S.S. Rigor Engineering Deck: This is a great map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I like the transporter effect you created to get around the Foundry shortfall. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider making the Jeffries tube material a lighter color. That would match the bulkhead material a little better.
-The door you are using to block the doorway on the far side of the cargo transporter room looks odd. I know you are trying to prevent the player from flanking the enemy forces but consider centering the door a little more or use another method to block the way.
Retaking the Command Center: This is a good map design with several tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written. Again I liked having to make a choice on strategy. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Behrens Station - Final Confrontation: This is a great map design with several tough battles. I would not want to try this map on Elite as it was hard enough on Normal. The story dialogue is excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 10/21/2012 on forum posting for: "Clean Sweep" by RogueEnterprise
Federation Mission - The Far Wanderer
Author: ajstoner
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HFXJYEDSW
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission with amazingly detailed map design, excellent story dialogue, and a few battles too. I would highly recommend this mission to all players who like a great story combined with great map designs and a few battles. This is not a combat oriented mission but is amazingly well done.
Below are a few issues I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a very detailed description; however you should consider moving the actual mission description above the {MissionInfo) data. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location to the initial mission task. This will make it easier for players to play your mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
The Vorn System: This is a good map with a fun battle and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Alien Power Control: This is a fantastic map design with amazing detail. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "We have place your down in what seems to be" to read "We have placed you down in what appears to be".
-On some of the decks you used I noted a shimmer when I moved. This is caused by overlapping objects with similar texture. If you decrease their alignment of overlapping objects by .001 on the "X, Y, or Z" axis as needed should mitigate the effect.
-While the map design is outstanding and very detailed the BOFFs seem to have a hard time staying with me in some areas. This is okay as long as the player does not have to engage enemy mobs.
Alien Hydroponics Lab: This is a fantastic map design with amazing detail. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "This musty be the right place" to read "This must be the right place", unless you were making a joke about the age of the ship.
-As with the other map, the map design is outstanding and very detailed the BOFFs seem to have a hard time staying with me in some areas. This is okay as long as the player does not have to engage enemy mobs.
Alien Hibernation Chamber: This is a fantastic map design with amazing detail. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-As with the other maps, the map design is outstanding and very detailed the BOFFs seem to have a hard time staying with me in some areas. This is okay as long as the player does not have to engage enemy mobs.
Alien Bridge: This is a fantastic map design with amazing detail and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Vorn XII Orbit: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Confront the Klingons" dialogue; consider changing "K'plah, [ShipName]" to read "Qapla', [ShipName]"
-Consider changing the response button "K'plah" to read "Qapla'".
-Consider having all enemy engagements take place in the same area around the alien ship. The last battle was very tough without support.
Epilogue: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue and is an excellent wrap up to the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did an amazing job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work.
Brian
This critique report also filed 10/21/2012 on forum posting for: A.J. Stoner Mission catalogue
I have got these 2 new missions that are part of a series, and i was wondering if you can look at them and play them.
1) Tempus Fugit: Principium
Author: Logitech007
Level: 41+
Allegiance: Starfleet/ Federation
Project ID: ST-HJQE7X27J
Starting Location: Veela System in the Kassae Sector in the Regulus Sector Block
Description:
On your way back to Earth, when you received a transmission from an Admiral at Starfleet Command, asking you to investigate the missing Federation vessel that has not checked in. You have located the vessel on the farside of a nebula, as you come towards the vessels, things don't appear as it should be.......
2) Tempus Fugit: amicis et spes
Author: Logitech007
Level: 35+
Allegiance: Starfleet/ Federation
Project ID: ST-HJLXEWMRG
Starting Location: Veela System in the Kassae Sector in the Regulus Sector Block
Description:
You have formed an alliance with your former enemy to do battle with the Shadow Alliance. Can you both survive the Shadow Alliance attack? Trapped in a different reality where nothing is what it seems to be. Will you get back or will you be trapped here forever?
You can either post your report here on the forums or ingame me at: @Logitech007
Thanks so much for taking the time to review and play my new missions.
Thanks.
Logitech007
Mission Name: Thermal Breakdown
Author: ScaryGuy
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HATZ6VKK7
Estimated Mission Length: 30 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
AJS
Hi Logitech007,
Thanks for the request and welcome to the queue. Your missions are 1 and 2 in the queue. As with last week I am working long hours at work and will try to get to your missions before Friday. I'll post the reviews here and in your posting upon completion.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Hi ScaryGuy,
Thanks for the review request and welcome to the Foundry. You are 3rd in the queue behind Logitech007. I hope to get to his missions before Friday, if not then Friday and your mission will follow right after.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
As always, glad I could help. I enjoyed the mission.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
I have a new mission if you would care to play it;
Mission Name: The Emissary of the Pah-wraiths
Author: Captain_Revo
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HOOWTK7A8
Estimated Mission Length: 45 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
This is the continuation of the story from;
part 1 - The Worst of all Worlds
part 2 - Nine of Space Deep
part 3 - The Temple of the Pah-wraiths
Hi Captain Revo,
Thanks for the review request and welcome back to the queue. You are currently 4th in the queue behind ScaryGuy. This has been a long week at work. I hope to catch up the queue this weekend.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
I apologize for the delay of the reviews. This has been a very rough week at work and I am exhausted. I hope to get back into the reviews tomorrow, but if I am feeling like I do right now I may have to postpone these reviews.
Sorry for the delay, I will get back into the reviews as soon as possible,
Brian
Federation Mission - Tempus Fugit: Principium
Author: Logitech007
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJQE7X27J
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission concept with good map designs and several very tough battles. Based on the grammatical issues I assume that English is not your primary language. The story dialogue is well written but has several grammatical issues that detract from the overall story. The tough enemy mobs spread across the maps do need to be balanced better. With those issues in mind I would still recommend this mission to others but not on Elite level as it was hard enough to get through on Normal.
Below are several things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "things don't appear as it should be" to read "things don't appear as they should".
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is the same as the main part of the description. Consider this dialogue to be the Starfleet Admiral you allude to in the description. Develop dialogue that tells just enough of the story to draw the player in and make them want to click "Accept". I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "things don't appear as it should be" to read "things don't appear as they should".
-The Veela system is in the Celes Sector of the Regulus sector block.
-Consider moving the initial dialogue identified on the Veela System map to the grant dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location of the first custom map to the initial task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a simple use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Veela System: This is a good map design with a challenging battle. The story dialogue is well written but has several grammatical issues. I noted several items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue upon entering the Veela system seems to be better suited for use as the grant and post grant dialogue. You should use the Tactical Officer initial dialogue regarding the transmission from the Deputy Director of Starfleet Intelligence as the initial grant dialogue. The post grant dialogue would be all the remaining dialogue currently located in the Veela System initial dialogue up. You should use it up to the Admiral Kris Gaboury end of transmission. Once the player enters the system you pick up the initial dialogue with Commander Dylan Evan Lukeson dialogue regarding receiving the information.
-The Admiral Gaboury dialogue; consider changing "I will be asking you for a favor" to read "I need to ask you for a favor". Remove the word "actually".
-Consider changing "The favor is for the Director , who asked me to look into finding a lost Federation vessel? " to read "The Director asked me to look into the disappearance of a Federation vessel". No question mark. Then add "That is where you come in [Rank]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]She wants us to track down a Federation vessel that could be or could not be missing[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]The Director wants us to search for a Federation vessel that may or may not be missing?".
-Consider removing the entire last part of the dialogue starting with "[OOC]Sir, with all due respect[/OOC]" and ending with "[OOC]Federation's powerful vessels[/OOC]". It feels slightly arrogant on the part of the player.
-The Admiral Gaboury dialogue; consider changing "a close personal friend of the Director and she asked me to look into this and that is what I am doing" to read "a close personal friend of the Director. She asked me to look into this and that is what I am doing".
-Consider changing the response button "How is Admiral William Glaceau doing" to read " How is the Admiral doing".
-Consider changing "Admiral William Glaceau is talking a vacation" to read "The Admiral is on vacation".
-Consider changing "Are you joking" to read "Really?".
-Consider changing "I don't think you Starfleet Intelligence people take vacation" to read "I didn't think Starfleet intelligence people ever took vacations".
-Consider changing "[Rank], we don't take vacations" to read "We don't take vacations"
-Consider changing "I am sending you all the information on the Federation vessel, what system it was in and any other information that is needed" to read "I am sending you all the information we have on the vessel".
-Consider changing "Admiral Kris Gaboury out" to read "Admiral Gaboury out".
-The Commander Dylan Evan Lukeson dialogue; consider changing "The U.S.S. Zealous mission was to search and locate an planet able to house a new Federation planetside starbase" to read "The mission was to scout planetary systems suitable to locate a starbase".
-Consider changing "The last transmission from the Zealous, indicates that they found the Veela planet to be able to house a new planetside starbase" to read "The last transmission from Zealous indicated a planet in the Veela system was suitable to locate a starbase".
-The response button "What happened" leads to a popup dialogue with a "Federation Console Prop" in the character window and the dialogue "I don't know". Consider changing the character in the window to Commander Dylan Evan Lukeson.
-The post "Scan the Veela System" dialogue. The player asks the same question regarding the U.S.S. Zealous previously asked in the initial dialogue. Consider deleting this and picking up with the Bridge Science BOFF dialogue.
-Consider changing "We just picked up a Federation distress call from the U.S.S. Zealous" to read "We are receiving a distress call from the Zealous".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Set course for the distress call[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Plot an intercept course with the Zealous[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Also, Commander as soon as we are cleared for the nebula, scan the U.S.S. Zealous[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]As soon as we clear the nebula scan the Zealous[/OOC]".
-The post "Scan the battle zone" dialogue; consider changing "We have doubled checked the sensor readings and it is the Breen and the Klingon's that have attacked the Zealous" to read "I have confirmed both the Breen and Klingons are attacking the Zealous".
-Consider changing "Why would the Klingon's attack a Federation vessel with the Breen helping out" to read "Why would the Klingons team up with the Breen to attack a Federation vessel".
-Consider changing "I can understand the Breen but why the Klingon's after we signed the treaty with them a year ago" to read "It makes no sense".
-Consider changing "I don't know, but we are clearing the nebula" to read "I don't know. They are targeting the Zealous".
-Consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Battle stations".
-The post "Destroy the attacker" dialogue; consider changing "We are scanning the Federation vessel" to read "We are scanning the Zealous".
-The post "Scan the U.S.S. Zealous" dialogue; "but we have detected several Breen and Klingon Lifesigns on the Vessel" to read "but we are picking up several Breen and Klingon life signs onboard.
-Consider deleting "Also, the away teams are standing by".
-Consider changing "We need to be careful when we are over there, we don't know we are going to find out" to read "Have the away team meet me in the transporter room".
U.S.S. Zealous Deck 10: This is a good map design with several very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider removing the hard return in the post scan dialogue between "detected 9"and "enemy boarding parties".
-Consider changing "Plasma" to read "plasma".
-Consider removing the "Scan Engineering" task and move the associated dialogue to the post "Scan Deck 10" dialogue.
-Consider changing "[Rank], the boarding parties all have been killed on this deck" to read "[Rank], all boarding parties on this deck have been cleared, and the deck is secured".
-Consider balancing the battles more to get progressively harder as the player advances through the map. You did add respawn points deeper in the map but on one battle alone I had to respawn 5 times to complete the fight. This level would probably be virtually impossible on Elite.
U.S.S. Zealous Bridge: This is a good map design with several very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written but I noted some grammatical issues. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Let's be careful and take care of these breen" to read "Let's be careful and take care of these Breen".
-Consider removing "Everyone let's go".
-Consider changing "[Rank], we have killed the Breen boarding parties" to read "[Rank], all boarding parties on this deck have been cleared, and the deck is secured".
-Consider changing "Also, we are been hailed from our vessel" to read "The ship is hailing us".
-Consider changing "from the Breen , the Klingons and from an ally" to read "from the Breen, the Klingons and from an ally".
-Consider changing "Jem'hadar First Vara'aresh out" to read "Jem'Hadar First Vara'aresh out".
-Consider changing "[Rank], that is odd and strange The Jem'Hadar coming to help a Federation vessels that is under attack from a Klingon and Breen vessels" to read "[Rank], that is odd, the Jem'Hadar coming to help a Federation vessel that is under attack from Klingon and Breen vessels".
-Consider changing "The Jem'Hadar would never help the Federation out" to read "The Jem'Hadar would never help the Federation".
-Consider changing "Yes, I do find that little odd and strange" to read "That does seem odd".
-Consider changing "We should download some of the Database from one of their computers and find out what is going on here and I suggest we do it quickly before we become a part of this" to read "We should download the ships database and get out of here as soon as possible".
-Consider changing "[Rank], the database has been downloaded to our vessel's database" to read "[Rank], the database has been downloaded".
-Consider removing "We can access it at any time on your vessel".
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "Sit down and we will Start the Briefing shortly" to read "[Rank], the senior staff has gathered and is ready to begin the briefing".
Briefing Room: This is a good map design but the dialogue and story needs a little work. Consider adding dialogue that clearly indicates that the player is now in an alternate reality. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Before, everyone gets involved, the away team did bring back their downloaded database" to read "Before we go any farther the away team downloaded the ships database".
-Consider removing "The Captain will go and look at it and transfer it to the Holo projector in the middle of the tables". Change the task for the player to go to the console and load the database to a trigger that appears where the player is seated. The animation can be the same as the one where he sits. Captains should not be ordered by their crew to load anything.
-Based on the above recommendation consider removing "Please talk amongst your self till I get back from transferring the data to the projection".
-Based on the above recommendation consider removing "So, i have transferred it to the holo projection in the middle of the room".
-Consider changing "[Rank], we had some time to look this information over and found some information that does not much our database" to read "[Rank], we have examined the database you downloaded and found some discrepancies".
-Consider changing "We have also, have the location of the Terrans planet" to read "We have also located the Terran planet".
-Consider changing "We have also, have a couple of systems that were listed key in the database, that we should look at" to read "There are also four star systems that have been identified in the database that we should look at".
-Consider changing "Ok. Before we go any where I want information on the four systems before I pick where to start" to read "Ok, I want to see the information on those systems before we get started".
-Consider changing "[Rank], sorry to interrupt, but three enemy vessels have entered the system and are heading this way, we also picking up three more on long range sensors" to read "[Rank], sorry to interrupt, but three enemy vessels have entered the system, and are heading this way. Long range sensors are also picking up three more enemy ships inbound".
-Consider changing the response button "Opinions" to read "Options".
-Consider changing "so running is not an opinion, so I say we destroy them before the others call for help" to read "so running is not an option. I say we engage them".
-Consider changing the response button "More opinions" to read "More options".
-Consider changing "I agree with the attack" to read "I say attack".
-Consider changing "Ok. That is settled" to read "Then it is settled".
Veela System: This is a good map design with several very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written but I noted some grammatical issues. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[OOC]No, i don't think so[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]No I don't think so[/OOC]"
-Consider changing "[OOC]They dispatched some vessels to destroy the U.S.S. Zealous and they did not report back so they sent more ships to investigate so they sent warships[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]They dispatch ships to destroy the Zealous, when those ships do not report back they send more[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[Rank], if we can reach just inside the nebula then maybe we can get a message to the Jem'Hadar to come and help, because we are no match for 6 warships, we need help and even if they are "our" allies in this reality" to read "[Rank], we are no match for 6 ships. I recommend we call the Jem'Hadar for help. We will need to get just inside the nebula to send the message".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Ok. But I doubt that those warships will let us contact some help. We must destroy them then go contact them[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]I agree but I doubt the Breen will allow us to call for help. We will need to destroy them before we can contact the Jem?Hadar[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "[OOC]We are under heavy attack by the Shadow alliance, we need assistance. We have engaged three battle ships and have three more coming in on the other side of the nebula, and even more on the way, we will not be able to hold out with assistance[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]We have been engaged by Shadow alliance ships. There are several more ships in bound and we need your assistance[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "My vessel will move in to engage these vessels on the other side of the nebula" to read "My ships will move to engage the enemy".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Commander, I want the information on the Orias system, before we get to the system[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Commander, I want any information we have on the Orias system before we get to the system[/OOC]".
Jem'Hadar base system: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue but I noted several grammatical issues. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "[Rank], here is the information on the Orias system, that you have requested, but let me remind, this is the information from "our" reality, not this on" to read "[Rank], here is the information on the Orias system you requested, but let me remind you that this is from our reality, not this one".
-Consider changing "[Rank], im scanning the orias sys?" to read "[Rank], I'm scanning the Orias sys...".
-Consider changing "It appears that this system is protected by four beacon that send detail scanning of this system, and when a vessel appears, the Jem'Hadar send a vessel to investigate it" to read "It seems the system is monitored by four sensor satellites that conduct a detailed scan of the system. When a ship appears the Jem'Hadar send a ship to investigate".
-Consider changing "Its also protected by an unknown number of Jem'Hadar vessels" to read "It's also protected by a large number of Jem'Hadar ships".
-Consider changing "This has to be one of the strongest defend area I have ever seen" to read "This has to be one of the strongest defended areas I have ever seen".
-Consider removing "No one risks attack them".
-Consider changing "Also, there is a number of drydocks and mining and factories in this system" to read "Scans also indicate there are a large number of dry docks, mining, and factories spread across the system".
-Consider changing "[Rank], If you have not noticed, we have a large amount of vessels guarding this base" to read "[Rank], if you have not noticed, we have a large number of ships guarding this base".
-Consider changing "This is one of two Major Jem'Hadar base that we have here in the Ahla quadrant" to read "This is one of two major Jem'Hadar bases in the Alpha quadrant".
-Consider changing "Only the Second, Third and I, knows where the second one is located for security reasons" to read "Only the second, third, and I know the location of the second base for security reasons".
-Consider changing "Did you have any trouble located my vessel" to read "I trust you did not have too much trouble finding my ship".
-Consider removing the warp in effect for the Jem?Hadar ships. They continue to warp in, which looks odd.
-Consider changing "Yes, we have the beacon rely all the sensor data back to the command post on the planet then we dispatch vessels" to read "Yes, we have the sensor satellites relay all data back to the command post on the planet. When a ship is detected we dispatch ships to intercept".
-Consider changing "We find it easy way of protecting our base and space" to read "We have found it to be an efficient way of protecting our base.
-Consider removing "I am sorry that it just has to be that way, [Rank]".
Jem'Hadar First Vara'aresh Vessel: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Jem'Hadar typing on the console as the player beams in is typing through the console. Consider moving the NPC back slightly to fix this issue.
Jem'Hadar Base: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue but I found several grammatical issues that need to be corrected. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "The Jem'Hadar First Vara'aresh is sitting in his chair onto of the ramp" to read "The Jem'Hadar First Vara'aresh is sitting in his chair on the command platform".
-Consider removing the required dialogue with the other Jem'Hadar in the command center. The dialogue with them adds nothing to the story. You could make them optional dialogue.
-Consider changing "My fleet is just preparing our vessels to this battle that we know is coming" to read "My fleet is preparing to engage in the battle we know is coming".
-Consider changing "To be honest, [Rank], some believe that we should just leave you guys alone and let you find your own way home, instead of helping someone from another time and place, because we the Jem'Hadar have our own battles and enemies and do not need to be brought into someone else" to read "To be honest [Rank], some believe we have troubles of our own, and do not have the resources to help others".
-Consider changing "Then I explained it, stating that if the Shadow alliance gets your technology or gets any of your vessels or any information from your database that would put all of us at risk" to read "I explained that if the Shadow alliance gained access to any of your technology it would change the balance of power in the quadrant".
-Consider changing "So we all agreed to help but let me warn you, not everyone is happy about it, [Rank] "to read "We all agreed it is necessary but not everyone is happy about it".
-Consider changing "It was only a matter of time before the Shadow alliance would find this base and launch a fleet to destroy this base" to read "I knew it would only be a matter of time before the Shadow alliance found our base and tried to destroy it".
Jem'Hadar base system: This is a good map design with several very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written but I noted some grammatical issues. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider balancing the enemy mobs with the friendly mobs. The Jem'Hadar ships were wiped out fairly quickly and I was left to defeat the enemy mobs by myself after being destroyed several times. I would not recommend this mission on Elite level.
-Consider changing "The Jem'Hadar fleet is heading towards the other Shadow Alliance vessel that are just outside the system" to read "The Jem'Hadar are moving to engage the other Shadow Alliance ships just outside the system".
Deep Space: This is a good map design with a balanced battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This mission needs some work on the grammatical issues but overall it was a fun mission. Due to the amount of grammatical issues found in this mission and the length of time I spent cataloging them I will withdraw your second mission from review for now.
Brian
This critique report also filed 10/27/2012 on forum posting for: Logitech007's 2 new missions
Mission Name: The Wave Empire Ep.3
Author: Skyline45
Minimum Level: 35+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HAVYZLC4O
Est. Time: 35min
Recommended Difficulty: Normal
Description:
The opening shots have been fired by the Misthi. It seems intergalactic war is imminent. Fleet Admiral Vincient Skyline has come up with a desperate plan of action to once and for all take care of Uioda and his Misthi. It is up to you to implement this plan, and prevent the galaxy from falling into complete chaos.
Thank you for all your input xD
My Foundry Missions:
The Wave Empire Series: http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?t=279751
Hi Skyline,
Welcome back to the queue.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - Tempus Fugit: amicis et spes
Author: Logitech007
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJLXEWMRG
Report Start
Summary: Due to the length of time I spent on your first mission and the issues I found that are similar in this mission I am going to file the summary for this mission. This is a good mission overall but there are still several grammatical issues across all the maps. The grammatical and spelling issues that range from the use of singular context instead of plural to the use of lower case "i" instead of upper case "I". The map where we engage the Shadow Alliance and blind the sensors you used the word "Pulase" instead of "Pulse". The enemy mobs spread across the maps are very tough and I would not recommend a player take this mission on at Elite level. Despite the grammatical, spelling, and battle issues I would still recommend this mission to other players. Overall it is a good mission with a great story.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is the same as the main part of the description. As with the other mission you need to develop dialogue that tells just enough of the story to draw the player in and make them want to click "Accept".
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with the start location for the first custom map. Consider adding the sector block to this task to help those who do not have a detailed map and have to rely on the one provided by STO. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This mission needs work on the grammatical, spelling, and enemy mob balancing. It need work but is still worth playing.
Brian
This critique report also filed 10/28/2012 on forum posting for: Logitech007's 2 new missions
Federation Mission - Thermal Breakdown
Author: ScaryGuy
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HATZ6VKK7
Report Start
Summary: This has the potential to be a great mission but the Fire Caves map has a huge issue. The platforms are the flaw in the map. If you miss a platform you fall into the liquid fire below. Once that happens you are stuck in the fire pit. They have no choice but beam up and reenter the map. They then have to start the map all over. If you are going to leave the platforms then you need to design a way out of the fire pit so the player does not have to start the map over again. I tried to get across the platforms at least 5 times and if you hit the wrong one you fall. If you accidently go too far or not far enough on the jump you fall. After the 3rd time it was very frustrating. I tried twice more and final dropped the mission. I spent an hour and half trying to get across the platforms. I would not recommend this mission for other players until you provide a way up out of the pit that does not involve having to beam up.
Mission Description: This is a nice simple description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good detailed grant dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "True Way Cardassian terroist group" to read "True Way Cardassian terrorist group".
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Fire Cave: This is a challenging map, with fun battles and good story dialogue. The platforms are a huge issue without a way out of the pit. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. This is a good concept and not bad for the first time development. With some work this mission can become a great mission.
Brian
I have completed 2 missions of a multi-part series, and would very much appreciate feedback when you have some time.
Mission Name: A Cubical Mystery(Prologue)
Author: F9thSFHQ
Minimum Level: 46+ (hardcoded in game, I say, Min Level: 50)
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HDUI5CK7B
Estimated Mission Length: 45 minutes to 1hour20mins depending on career/difficulty setting
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
My First foundry mission I have made however I have refined it over the last 3-4weeks so it is fairly mature in its making.
It is designed to have fairly challenging combat, but nothing that isn't solo-able even on Adv./Elite
.
Mission Name: Mechanical Infestations(Pt. I)
Author: F9thSFHQ
Minimum Level: 50
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HSOFQFFC4
Estimated Mission Length: 45 minutes to 1hour15mins depending on career/difficulty
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Both are relatively combat heavy missions with medium amt. of dialogue
Thanks,
SFHQ
"We are the Borg. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Resistance is futile."
Sincerely,
The Cube Assimilating Your Ship Right Now
Federation Mission - The Emissary of the Pah-wraiths
Author: Captain_Revo
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HOOWTK7A8
Report Start
Summary: This is a riveting mission from start to finish and a worthy sequel in the series. The map designs are great, the battles tough, but fun, and the story dialogue is excellent. I would highly recommend this mission and the entire series to all players.
Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. Consider moving the actual mission description up to be above the mission part listing. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a great grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Tiza System" to read "Tazi System".
-Consider changing "in orbit of Tiza II" to read "in orbit of Tazi II".
MAPS:
Tazi System: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Research Station Gamma: This is a great map design with a good battle and excellent story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "It's jack" to read "Its Jack".
Tazi II: This is a good map design with a fun battle and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Dace System: This is a good map design with balanced battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
The Kinjer System: This is a good map design with a balanced battle and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The spawn point seems slightly off the initial location. I had to swing the ship around to trigger the initial dialogue and battle.
Transwarp Test Base Two: This is a great map design with challenging, but fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
-Consider making the dying and injured optional dialogue triggered so it disappears after the player interacts with it.
-The console for "Investigate Jack's Actions" appears to be too low in the deck. Consider moving it back and up slightly to place it on the deck.
Ready Room: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Sol System: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Earth Space Dock: This is a great map design with tough, but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider making optional dialogue triggered so it disappears after the player interacts with it.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and the entire series to date. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 10/28/2012 on forum posting for: Emissary of the Pah-wraiths is Live
Hi SFHQ,
Thanks for the review request. Your missions are 2nd and 3rd in the queue behind Skyline45. I will get to both your missions as soon as I can.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Really appreciated the help you gave me on my first mission, I'm a big boy now and here's my next two. Hoping for your feedback.
Mission Name: Duritanium Man
Author: @Zorbane
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HSMJTB692
Estimated Mission Length: 45minutes - 1 hour
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Mission Name: The Galaxy's Fair
Author: @Zorbane
Minimum Level: Any level
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HIL8TIJ29
Estimated Mission Length: 20-30minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
If you were to play them in order Duritanium Man comes first,
Thanks!
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
Hi Zorbane,
Thanks for the review request. Your missions are 4 and 5 behind SFHQ. I will be getting to the mission queue as soon as I can. I'll make sure I play them in order.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
Almost like work, but most of the time it is a lot of fun.
Glad I could help and I really am looking forward to the next installment, so get to work...
Seriously I enjoyed the episode and the series.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
I've temporarily pulled my two missions until Season 7. I'll post again when I re-publish.
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
Author: @Captain_Revo
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HEWKB36M7
Estimated Mission Length: 45 Mins
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Hi again,
this is the final part in my 5 part story. You played Emissary of the Pah-wraiths last week, and I hope you enjoy my conclusion. It is already out of the review stage now.
Thanks.
Federation Mission - The Wave Empire Ep.3
Author: Skyline45
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HAVYZLC4O
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission with challenging battles and very well written story dialogue. It is a worthy sequel in the series. I would highly recommend this mission to all players although not on Elite level, which the author also does not recommend.
Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a map location of the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The location to start the first custom map is a little difficult to find. I went to the standard location on ESD and found it. Consider adding a short line, something like "Take turbo lift to embassy".
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Waveloid Embassy: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adjusting some of the NPCs in the control room that are standing too far from the console.
Reliokah: This is a good map design with challenging but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[Rank], I'm picking up temporal satellites surronding Reliokah" to read "[Rank], I'm picking up temporal satellites surrounding Reliokah".
Reliokah Surface (Pre-Ice Age): This is a good map design with challenging but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Temporal Research Facility: This is a good map design with very challenging battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Unknown Location: This is a good map design with very challenging battles and very well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Why wont you just die" to read "Why won't you just die".
-Consider shrinking the size of the "Check Uioda's body" task trigger area. When it started I was standing inside the trigger area and had to leave and reenter the area to trigger it.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and the series. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 11/03/2012 on forum posting for: The Wave Empire Series