test content
What is the Arc Client?
Install Arc

Cardassian Jevonite Order

1246710

Comments

  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2012
    Fleet site has a new poll posted, please go in and vote.

    It is at the bottom of the home page area, this decision will impact future activities.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2012
    The ALL CARDASSIAN JEVONITE ORDER IS ACTIVELY RECRUITING

    If you see overcoming challenges as rewarding
    If you can think outside of the box to achieve your objective
    If you have the stamina and patience to endure the long path to final accomplishment
    If you enjoy seeing things through the eyes of the minority and playing the role

    This fleet may be just what you are seeking

    We are ALL CARDASSIAN

    We are dual faction (playing in both UFP and KDF)

    We are PvP, PvE, RP balanced and enjoy creating character stories and bios to chisle out and make characters a little more than a cartoon on a computer screen.

    We are casual and mature

    If this sounds like your cup of tea...you too can become one of

    THE FEW, THE PROUD, THE CARDASSIANS
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2012
    Not just anyone can be a Cardassian

    It takes a true fan to delve into the cuture of an unpopular species

    It takes a stalwart fan to endure through the obstacles in order to achieve success

    It takes a patient fan to journey on until that day

    It takes a determination to open the eyes of others to at least understand the views and overcome the descrimination of the species.

    We are small, but our members are a family and we seek the same goal....Independent Cardassians

    If you feel you're up for the challenge and can think outside of the normal perceptions of most Star Trek fans (able to understand the views which don't conform to Federation ideology)

    You too can be a member of

    THE FEW, THE PROUD, THE CARDASSIANS
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2012
    THE ALL CARDASSIAN JEVONITE ORDER IS ACTIVELY RECRUITING

    Are you tired of playing the same routine species, in the same uniform, just following the masses?

    Do you seek to explore not only the galaxy, but a new Etic (anthropology; outsider's view of a different culture) and try to project it as an emic view (an insider's outlook of their culture)?

    Do you seek more depth, in character building, bios, and stories than pumping up a bunch of numbers to maximize and be that super hero?

    Than the Jevonite Order is looking for you.

    We are a small fleet
    We are all Cardassian
    We are a PvP, PvE, and RP balanced fleet
    We are casual and understand RL is more important
    We are not just a fleet, but a family

    If you feel we could be a nice home for you and your character; you too can become one of
    THE FEW, THE PROUD, THE CARDASSIANS
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2012
    THE ALL CARDASSIAN JEVONITE ORDER IS ACTIVELY RECRUITING

    Are you tired of being just a speck of sand on a large beach (just another one of the masses)

    Do you seek more from an RP/character development standpoint?

    Check out of the old routine and into a new life of philosophical discovery mixed with the fun of playing a species which is reviled, overlooked, and occupied.

    We know the views and viewpoints of species within the Federation, Klingon Empire, Romulan Empire; and how they see the quadrants are worlds apart from the Cardassians. We seek to express the "other guy" which few even stop to think about.

    We are an ALL CARDASSIAN Fleet
    We are PvP, PvE, RP balanced
    We promote character development through bios and short stories
    We are casual and understand RL takes priority
    We are a small fleet and each member is important and part of the family.

    If this sounds like something you seek to be a part of. You too can become one of
    THE FEW, THE PROUD, THE CARDASSIANS
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2012
    Jolan'tru Nador Ekoor keeo up the good fight my friend.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2012
    DeRhamme wrote: »
    Jolan'tru Nador Ekoor keeo up the good fight my friend.

    Jolan'Tru my Romulan friend. We shall endure and overcome those who seek our demise.

    We will most certainly see your civilization rise as the next faction; I only hope that we are not forced to suffer within these blasted Federation toys much longer.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2012
    Jolan'Tru my Romulan friend. We shall endure and overcome those who seek our demise.

    We will most certainly see your civilization rise as the next faction; I only hope that we are not forced to suffer within these blasted Federation toys much longer.

    Thank you my friend for you support of the Romulan Star Empire and I hope both our Empires
    will be playable soon but for now you at least thats if you are lucky you can get a cardassian
    ship I just happy they are not doing that with Romulan ships well not yet.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2012
    DeRhamme wrote: »
    Thank you my friend for you support of the Romulan Star Empire and I hope both our Empires
    will be playable soon but for now you at least thats if you are lucky you can get a cardassian
    ship I just happy they are not doing that with Romulan ships well not yet.

    Jolan'Tru my friend,

    When (not if) the Romulan faction comes out of the shadows a fleet that numbers the stars of the galaxy shall appear. We must be patient and plan accordingly.

    My people on the other hand will be forced by the "Prophets" and punished by the "Pah Wraiths" to be absorbed into the two main factions. It is distasteful and painful to accept, but with OUR ships in THEIR fleets..it is inevitable. Such disrespect, they would even consider allowing a BA...JOR....AN to fly MY GALOR. :eek:
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    The Federation's attempt to keep the Cardassians down has failed.
    THE ALL CARDASSIAN JEVONITE ORDER IS ACTIVELY RECRUITING

    Are you bored experiencing the same views of a very vanilla faction?

    Do you enjoy trying to understand and experiencing a top of Star Trek from an outsider/minor specie's point of view?

    Do you enjoy facing the challenges and having the opportunity to be a foundation of something different which can grow to unimaginable heights?

    We are a small fleet
    We are an unpopular species which is drastically underestimated by the majority
    We are PvP, PvE, RP balanced fleet.
    We are not just numbers, not just fleet members, we are family
    We shall overcome the obstacles placed before us by developers and fans alike.

    If you enjoy taking on challenges in your way, teaming with great people, and being a part of something unique.
    You can be one of
    THE FEW, THE PROUD, THE CARDASSIANS
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    Jolan'Tru my friend,

    When (not if) the Romulan faction comes out of the shadows a fleet that numbers the stars of the galaxy shall appear. We must be patient and plan accordingly.

    My people on the other hand will be forced by the "Prophets" and punished by the "Pah Wraiths" to be absorbed into the two main factions. It is distasteful and painful to accept, but with OUR ships in THEIR fleets..it is inevitable. Such disrespect, they would even consider allowing a BA...JOR....AN to fly MY GALOR. :eek:

    I agree the enemy having Galors was not a good move on CRYPTIC's part, to me it feels like they where looking at how much money they can make off them keys in the C store to open them Cardassian boxes
    and not on how this would effect the overall game play.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    The Federation's attempt to keep the Cardassians down has failed.
    THE ALL CARDASSIAN JEVONITE ORDER IS ACTIVELY RECRUITING

    Are you bored experiencing the same views of a very vanilla faction?

    Do you enjoy trying to understand and experiencing a top of Star Trek from an outsider/minor specie's point of view?

    Do you enjoy facing the challenges and having the opportunity to be a foundation of something different which can grow to unimaginable heights?

    We are a small fleet
    We are an unpopular species which is drastically underestimated by the majority
    We are PvP, PvE, RP balanced fleet.
    We are not just numbers, not just fleet members, we are family
    We shall overcome the obstacles placed before us by developers and fans alike.

    If you enjoy taking on challenges in your way, teaming with great people, and being a part of something unique.
    You can be one of
    THE FEW, THE PROUD, THE CARDASSIANS

    Wishing well in all you do...Very Glad to see you kept your dastardly title..

    Had many a good time, elephants dont forget...:) Good luck sincerly with your fleet. Had to let Galactic Fleet, no time for the devotion...who knows...Work schedule and all...With the Federation Fleet a great bunch characters and well maintained...Will pass the word on your fleet and a note to stop by who knows, maybe we'll be putting out those mine again..lol. The best,
    eA
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    ethanADAMS wrote: »
    Wishing well in all you do...Very Glad to see you kept your dastardly title..

    Had many a good time, elephants dont forget...:) Good luck sincerly with your fleet. Had to let Galactic Fleet, no time for the devotion...who knows...Work schedule and all...With the Federation Fleet a great bunch characters and well maintained...Will pass the word on your fleet and a note to stop by who knows, maybe we'll be putting out those mine again..lol. The best,
    eA

    No Federation or Klingon could slow me down, but a dag nab electrical storm fried my warp drive so I had to return on impulse power (Computer fried and had to dig out the old lap top). It has been a long time my friend and I'm sorry to hear about Galactic Fleet...it was a great group with outstanding leaders. Glad you were able to find a home though and look forward to seeing you in game.

    Mahalo for the well wishes.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    THE ALL CARDASSIAN JEVONITE ORDER IS ACTIVELY RECRUITING

    Bored with the same fleet just with a different name?

    Seeking a challenge in character development?

    The Jevonite Order is here

    Small fleet where everyone is more than just a member, they're family

    PvP, PvE, RP balanced

    We promote character development through short stories, bios, and RPs

    We are the only ALL CARDASSIAN fleet in STO

    We are not popular or pretty, but we are efficient and determined

    Learn more about the Order, it may be just what you seek.

    You too can be one of us...be one of
    THE FEW, THE PROUD, THE CARDASSIANS
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    Character Development Story for Marritza Nador has now been started in the fleet forums. Viewable to anyone interested.


    forums.http://jevonites.guildlaunch.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=8124037&gid=242426
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    Want a challenging Adventure?
    Want to stand for the people?
    Want to be the underdog?

    We are outmanned?
    Out Gunned:

    But we have cunning, gaul, and determination to overcome such barriers.

    We Are

    Cardassians

    So Join the Jevonite Order and help us rebuild from the past and take grasp of the future.

    The Jevonite Order was first established in 2372 in response to the Klingon Invasion of the Cardassian territories. The order was previously several other fleets which received such heavy losses forcing them to consolidate into one fleet. The Jevonite Order successfully defended Cardassia Prime on 3 seperate occaissions and participated in 5 other engagements against Gowron's forces. The order was described by General Martok (Klingon Commander)as the most hardened non-Klingon Fleet he ever faced. Upon the end of the Klingon-Cardassian wars, Legate Dukat honored the Order and established it's new Fleet motto (Blood and Steel) when he stated "You have been baptized in blood and come out steel". The Order than began operating within the Dominion Wars by performing quick strikes in the The Tyra system and the battle of Avenal VII. Following the Invasion of Septimus III, the Jevonite Order rebelled under the command of Legate Damar and participated in the battle of Rondac III. Following this last engagement, the Order was reassigned to defend Cardassian planets which had been reclaimed by the rebellion and continued to patrol the area throughout the remaining conflict.

    Following the Dominion War, the Cardassian military and their planets were greatly weakened and in a state of desperation. As wide spread disease and poverty rampaged the planets, and the new Cardassian Government was attempting to rebuild. Displaced military leaders found salvation with Gul Madred's mining operations and flourished while the rest of Cardassia fell further into disarray. As the years progressed working for the mining facility, Gul Madred began promoting the military government philosophy again. Many supported the idea as forty years of continued sufferage and occupation failed to improve the daily lives of the people. The Federation's failure to defend Devos II and it's ongoing war with the Klingon Empire made it clear that no border security would be provided. Jaguls Marritza Nador and Nador Ekoor stood up for the philosophy of Governance by the Cardassian Detapa Council supported by a strong military. This debate resulted in the break away of the Jevonite Order (14 ships) and the True Way.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    The Jevonite Order calls upon all Cardassians who seek the return of stature amongst the Alpha Quadrant to join our proud order. For to long, the Federation and Klingon Empires have tried to dictate our lives. They made agreements and although we complied with our part, they abandoned theirs. They call us deceitful and corrupt but their words are as thin as water. Their pledges are no more than feathers in the wind that hop from one breeze to the next never standing firm on their oaths.

    They speak of alliances, but they mean subjugates to their Empires. They half heartedly aided us in fear that if they did not an uprising would ensue. We are not slaves and shall be free once again from the burdening yoke of the quadrant and we shall prevail once again.


    So join the Order and bring pride back to the Cardassian spirit.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    That's right, the Cardassian Jevonite Order is actively recruiting.

    We have a long history of RP on the forums.

    We have no affiliation with either faction and choose battle before shackles.

    We hate everyone equally.

    PvP, PvE, and RP balanced (participate in what you want and let the rest gather dust in the corner)

    We are family, Cardassians have no friends so we must stick together (in life and game)

    We use Ventrillo

    Did I mention, We hate everybody?? Think of the challenges in the game and how much greater those challenges will be for Cardassians when our patch comes out...

    Join the Order and Strengthen the Storm that comes
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    Think about change, Imagination, challenges, and you will find Cardassians. The day is coming when Cryptic adds the patch...So, join now and start fresh with a different point of view
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    If you are looking for more than a Fleet....a Family

    If you are looking for a challenge greater than fighting the BORG

    If you enjoy playing something out of the ordinary

    If you have a devious and scheming mind and want to use that superior intellect

    If you hate the Federation Whining and the Klingon lack of diversity

    If you are patient like a viper allowing your prey to come to you.....

    BE CARDASSIAN AND JOIN THE JEVONITE ORDER.

    We are more than a Fleet, We are Family.

    We are active in RP, PvE, and PvP equally.

    We are known to the forums as a POWERFUL RP with the most notorious plots that force good gamers to become great.

    BE ONE OF THE FEW.....THE PROUD.....THE CARDASSIANS
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    When new players are seeking an active fleet each has their own set of goals in what they want out of a fleet.

    1. The large fleets will promote that they support members spread throughout multiple time zones, support voice chat, and much more.

    2. Gaming Fleets will promote support in multiple gaming communities.

    and each to a certain extent may be just what a player wants, but it DOESN'T mean one fleet is better than another. It means it is better suited for certain aspects which players may be seeking.

    There are a large number of small and new fleets with good leadership, a sound base, more casual than others, and in some cases more active than the larger fleets.

    The Jevonite Order is very small, but we are casual and willing to work with others. We don't care about experience level although we ask lvl/rank to better support you with our various characters.

    We are true fans of Cardassians and try to show the views and opinions of what a minority group would convey within a large community. The popular perceptions are based off of a Federation view, but no voice speaks of how a Cardassian would view the same topic.

    We invite all new members seeking a home to visit our site and speak with our members then judge whether this is a fit for you. We welcome all.


    This is what I call a 'proper' fleet with good communications and a sense of purpose, not some gigantic bloated entity that never runs events and takes 3 weeks to get anywhere.

    As the creator of a tiny ladies-only RP channel I must say that I very much enjoyed my diplomatic mission to Cardassia Prime last weekend.

    I hope the ten thousand tons of KDF derived self-growing aeroponics crops are happy with your planet :)
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    carmenara wrote:
    This is what I call a 'proper' fleet with good communications and a sense of purpose, not some gigantic bloated entity that never runs events and takes 3 weeks to get anywhere.

    As the creator of a tiny ladies-only RP channel I must say that I very much enjoyed my diplomatic mission to Cardassia Prime last weekend.

    I hope the ten thousand tons of KDF derived self-growing aeroponics crops are happy with your planet :)

    Marritza will ensure the resources you provided serve the people of Cardassia. I truly enjoyed our last meeting my fabulous and lovely friend.

    I (Nador) am traveling within the Klingon Borders helping fight the fight against a common foe. You certainly made a great first impression with her, I would enjoy meeting you in the future.:D
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    Below are excerpts from a Jevonite character's story development. Please enjoy


    On the day of my birth in 2335, the pollution around Lakarian city was unusually heavy and suffocating. It was also the date that my father Gul Devin Ekoor fell in combat to the Federation at Sestis III. The Midwives said it was an omen cursing me with a life of pain and suffering. With the loss of my father, our family fell from prominence into destitution as the military government reclaimed all of his holdings.

    After our eviction, my mother brought my siblings and myself to our grandparents Krintar farm to live. The days of my upbringing actually begins here. Early mornings feeding the Toj'Lath and milking the Uralls before the morning meal. We spent ten hours at the local military school and returned to help in the Krintar fields. There was very little time to socialize and play in those days as any spare time was spent digging out the Krintar roots. My sisters and I always looked forward to the end of the growing cycle as my Grandparents would always take us back to Lakarian City and sell wagons of Krintar to the merchants in the capital city. We girls would run around the city shopping or enjoying the festivities.

    My education made a drastic turn in 2347, with exceptional performance evaluations in the fields of memory retention and Engineering; the military school I was attending transferred my records to Lakarian City's Military Academy and I was removed from my home at the age of twelve to attend the military officers course. At the time, I was the youngest cadet in school history which led to difficulties with the other cadets during my attendance.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    On the day I was taken away from my family, my grandparents stood stoically by as my mother and siblings cried. Two armed Soldiers escorted me away with only the clothing I wore. Five days traveling through the humid desert left my skin burnt and worn like old leather.

    At times we would stop for meals, but as I hadn't earned the right of a Soldier; I was expected to spend this time finding food and drink which left little time before starting the long trek again. My only meal of the day was the last one before going to sleep. These meals were usually cut pieces of Julbuk Cactus which isn't what one would call a delicacy, but edible.

    A couple nights I was able to scrounge onyx beetles and wild Kritnar plants; the Soldiers were kind enough to loan me a pan and spoon to create a field version of Lok'Met stew with the gravy from the Kritnar roots; of course the cost of loaning the utensils was that the Soldiers ate their share first leaving me with the scraps.

    As we approached the capital city, other groups of candidates with their escorts joined ours until a formation was established. We arrived at the gates of Lakarian City by mid-day on the sixth day and were paraded through the streets of the capital as we marched to the large double doors which led into the military academy.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    If you are looking for more than a Fleet....a Family

    If you are looking for a challenge greater than fighting the BORG

    If you enjoy playing something out of the ordinary

    If you have a devious and scheming mind and want to use that superior intellect

    If you hate the Federation Whining and the Klingon lack of diversity

    If you are patient like a viper allowing your prey to come to you.....

    BE CARDASSIAN AND JOIN THE JEVONITE ORDER.

    We are more than a Fleet, We are Family.

    We are active in RP, PvE, and PvP equally.

    We are known to the forums as a POWERFUL RP with the most notorious plots that force good gamers to become great.

    BE ONE OF THE FEW.....THE PROUD.....THE CARDASSIANS
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    Marritza will ensure the resources you provided serve the people of Cardassia. I truly enjoyed our last meeting my fabulous and lovely friend.

    I (Nador) am traveling within the Klingon Borders helping fight the fight against a common foe. You certainly made a great first impression with her, I would enjoy meeting you in the future.:D

    Honoured to meet you likewise. The RP was strangely 'professional'

    No doublt both of us had very, very different negotiation styles but we persisted at diplomacy until some common interest clicked and we both used some measure of RL knowledge to pursue both our characters' faction interests.

    It was very intellectual (HUGE posts per turn) and pretty much stayed on topic along the way. Somehow I always have good experiences in 'girl on girl' RP because we know there isn't going to be any random romance quest to ruin things.

    Not pointing fingers at anyone but after trying out many forms of RP with different guilds.. I'm sticking to the ladies lol!

    I'm also one of the few roleplayers to not just tolerate but encourage IRL gentlemen to try their hand playing lady characters, cos after all it's a roleplaying game and one can learn a lot of things stepping into a set of pretty heels :3

    My theory is that a lot of so-called roleplayers desire to meet (IRL) ladies and seek E-RP or other intrusive nonsense thus are ****ed off when they find out it's actually a "he". I think this sort of behaviour exhibited by some major RP organizations is very unfair to the gentlemen of the community. Just because you're a guy doesn't mean you have to make 7 male characters, what bull LOL.

    If you have a devious and scheming mind and want to use that superior intellect

    If you hate the Federation Whining and the Klingon lack of diversity


    BE ONE OF THE FEW.....THE PROUD.....THE CARDASSIANS


    I'm re-watching DS9 from season 1 onwards and the Cardassians were definitely a very cunning force to be reckoned with.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    carmenara wrote:
    Honoured to meet you likewise. The RP was strangely 'professional'

    No doublt both of us had very, very different negotiation styles but we persisted at diplomacy until some common interest clicked and we both used some measure of RL knowledge to pursue both our characters' faction interests.

    It was very intellectual (HUGE posts per turn) and pretty much stayed on topic along the way. Somehow I always have good experiences in 'girl on girl' RP because we know there isn't going to be any random romance quest to ruin things.

    Not pointing fingers at anyone but after trying out many forms of RP with different guilds.. I'm sticking to the ladies lol!

    I'm also one of the few roleplayers to not just tolerate but encourage IRL gentlemen to try their hand playing lady characters, cos after all it's a roleplaying game and one can learn a lot of things stepping into a set of pretty heels :3

    My theory is that a lot of so-called roleplayers desire to meet (IRL) ladies and seek E-RP or other intrusive nonsense thus are ****ed off when they find out it's actually a "he". I think this sort of behaviour exhibited by some major RP organizations is very unfair to the gentlemen of the community. Just because you're a guy doesn't mean you have to make 7 male characters, what bull LOL.

    I'm re-watching DS9 from season 1 onwards and the Cardassians were definitely a very cunning force to be reckoned with.

    That is the difference between old school RP players and modern age video game players. Some are able to broaden their imagination while others...well I'll just leave it there. :D
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    I got what you mean there - I 'met' a lady in Bajoran anchorage yesterday and she chatted me up about RP.

    She was very surprised regarding my greviances as there used to be a lot of 'old school', proper Starfleet officers around in the pre F2P days.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    Introduction to the Academy

    We stood in front of the elaborate doors, from the shadows of the overhang approached a dark figure carrying a Clud'Jothen with a Jevonite globe at the head with archaic creatures carved down the shaft and ending with a Jevonite spear tip. I am Sol'Lyn claimed the figure You will call me Head Mistress until you have earned the right to whisper my name. You will follow your mistresses for in-processing. As we began moving, the dour figure looked in my direction and pointed the staff You, you will come with me for in-processing.

    Two female officers wearing Cardassian uniforms walked up behind me and grabbed my shoulders leading me to the stone faced figure. She led me into a room, there was no light other than a furnace burning in the center of the room. Remove your clothing and toss it in there as her staff pointed to the burning caldron.

    It was the first and last time I would speak back to a senior officer as I retorted But I won't have anything on Suddenly pain shot through one of my feet as it exploded into a bloody wretch pierced against the floor by the Clud'Jothen. The mistress ripped the staff away and reflex had me pull my foot to my body When one is ordered they do, they don't question. Again the spear struck, the other foot shredding the tissue When ordered, one acts immediately. Now move it.

    I quickly undressed and tossed my clothes into the flames. The figure began moving further into the room and I followed her through a second door. Five uniforms lined the wall. These are yours, put them on At first, I dressed in one of the uniforms and gathered the others together. Placing on the stockings and boots were painful as the clothing stuck to blood, but I did so while keeping my eyes on the staff and her stone expression.

    She lifted the staff again I said put them on, all of them in a stern voice. For a moment I was about to speak, but chose to place the remaining four uniforms on overlapping each other.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    Well written! I like the 'urgent' military style atmosphere which is more true to life than *leisurely looking around the Academy taking in the scenery* (which is IRL impossible!)

    One suggestion is try and break the text into paragraphs of no more than 30-50 words, to make it easier on the eyes.

    Although if you are typing this on a mobile device it may be inevitable that it gets lumped into a big chunk.
Sign In or Register to comment.