A Cleric walks in to a cave
he finds out there is a dragon,
hoping the dragon would not kill him,
he started playing dead
unfortunately.......
The dragon was a necrophile
Two GWFs are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other whips out his iStone and calls the Cleric. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The Cleric says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a sword slash is heard. Back on the iStone, the GWF says "OK, now what?
You all know of Halueth Never
That bloke was so awefully clever
he said "Whatever you do
just listen me to
and please, do not pull on that lever"
The party had come from a-far
In front of them the door stood ajar
They rushed in and looted
Before they were booted
hastily, out of the bar.
I have seen wonders prolific
but non was as great as the mimic
I laughed for so long
a laughter so strong
when it started reciting this limric.
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selkieprincessMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
What do you call a wizard, a fighter, a cleric, and a rogue with a loaf of bread?
A hero sandwich. Yum!
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mdarkbaldeMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
A Mindflayer and a Minotaur walk into a tavern. The barkeep looks up and asks who ordered the surf and turf.
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darthozzy69meMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 10Arc User
edited May 2013
Q: When an Eldritch knight in armor was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave?
A: Rust in peace!
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moshpet02Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 11Arc User
edited May 2013
A shivering dwarf was sitting at the bar, looking all dour and sad.
Bartender - "Why so glum buddy?"
Dwarf - "Just broke up with my girl, I was dating a wizard."
The bartender nodded sagely, "Bit of a control freak?"
Dwarf - "A bit better than my last girlfriend, Tempest bless her soul."
The bartender paused, "What was she, another mage?"
Dwarf - "Cleric."
Bartender - That doesn't sound so bad, how did she die?"
The dwarf sobbed in his beer. "I killed her."
Bartender, shocked, "Surely not."
The dwarf nodded, "Aye, we were in a tavern, I went and got in a fight with her. I lost my temper and slapped her, and she went and took all my agro...."
M.
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gamerzastyMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 3Arc User
edited May 2013
It's from D&D. Friend1 (F1) was playing Dwarf and Friend2 (F2) was playing halfling.
F2: So, how about your women? How they look like?
F1: They are like rough diamond!
F2: Oh, so you mean charcoal!
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reever2Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian Users, Neverwinter Knight of the Feywild UsersPosts: 3Arc User
edited May 2013
Q: Why do Guardian Fighters shout all the time?
A: Because the CAPS LOCK IS RIGHT NEXT TO THE BLOCK BUTTON
whats the diffirence, between a dwarf and a halfling?
The dwarf is HALF his size!
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xedellianMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 4Arc User
edited May 2013
What do you call a group of musically gifted Orcs?
An Orc-hestra
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evonblackdemonMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 8Arc User
edited May 2013
I wonder if gnomes have garden humans.
If I drop my bag of holding, does it transform into a bag of let go?
a halfling told me to forget everything I know about longswords. So I did and it was a liberating feeling. He then tried to sell me a longsword and I didn't know what the hell it was.
I had a mount with separation anxiety so I just pretended to summon it.
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dtreneMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 4Arc User
Paladin of Tymora: I'll flip a coin. Tails you live and head you lose yours.
Paladin of Sune: I won't kill you but if you'd like one last *wink*nod*wink* then stand at the back of the line.
Paladin of Cyric: It would be my honor. *kill* *raises as undead*
Paladin of Torm: You DARE to abandon your post? Torm strike you down coward! *kill*
Paladin of Loviatar: Hold that thought; here are some nice Orc gentlemen I wanted you to meet.
Paladin of Waukeen: What's it worth to ya?
Paladin of Mask: Well I dunno.. LOOK OVER THERE! *Backstab, rifle through coinpurse*
Paladin of Oghma: *First recites a summation of this thread, complete with cross-indexed references and legal precedences from 3 planes, citing various previous Paladins and dieties and the various and sundry means by which such an act could be accomplished and justified then stops as the orc horde falls over from boredom and blinks owlishly* "I'm sorry, what was the question again?"
Two tipsy dwarfs sitting in a bar.
Suddenly one asks another:
- You know what this is nothing?
The second looked crooked.
To which the first says:
- Half a liter to two.
As two young aspiring Halfling bards were sitting and having a drink at the local tavern, a salty old Blackdagger pirate swaggered in. A hush came over the crowd as the grizzled old Captain thunked across the room on his peg leg and slammed the hook (where his left hand used to be) down on the bar. “Give me yer strongest rum!” he demanded while glaring at the barkeep with the one eye he had left. The two young Halflings couldn’t contain themselves, they rushed across the room and squealed “Oh my, the things you must have seen! Please sir, tell us about some of your adventures; how did you lose your leg?!” “Hah! This?” roared the pirate as he stomped the peg into the floor. “In me younger days we was lootin fer treasure up the sword coast an’ straight outta the blue came swoopin down the fiercest green dragon ye laid eyes on, well he gotta hold o’ me leg and left the rest o’ me floatin’ in the ocean. Been that way ever since.” “Oh my!” exclaimed the Halflings, “what about your hand, how did you end up with that hook?” they asked. “Ah yes…” replied the old pirate “we was backed into a corner by a pack of them Orcs from the Many-Arrows Tribe a couple o’ years back. I convinced the shaman to take it in exchange for me own life.” The Halflings looked at each other, then back at the pirate, not knowing if they should, but they asked anyway: “And, your eye, what happened to your eye?” The pirate hesitated a moment “well… er… you see… the day after I got me hook… seagull pooped in me eye.”
A Wizard, a Cleric, and a Thief walk into a dungeon, and hear a voice from the back.
"I'm coming to get you! And I'm going to eat you!"
The Wizard runs away.
They hear the voice again.
"I'm getting closer! And I'm going to eat you!"
The Cleric runs away.
The voice comes once more.
"I've nearly got you! And I'm going to eat you!"
The Thief hides in the shadows and continues to walk on.
And at the very end of the dungeon, he finds a small goblin picking his nose.
One day a adventurer goes into a bar called "Ye lucky ole Pirate". He walks up to the bar and sees a pirate serving up drinks with a crusty ole parrot on a stand.
After a few ales the adventurer ask "So what's the parrot name?"
"Chet." replies the pirate.
"And does he sing?" ask the adventurer.
"Why of course." says the pirate. And he pulls out a match lights it up and puts it under the parrot's right foot.
Chet squawks and sings "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way .... "
"That's Amazing!!!" replys the adventurer. "Does he know any other songs?"
"Sure does !!" to which the pirate pulls out another match lights it up and puts it under the parrot's left foot.
Chet squawks and sings " Frosty the Snowman ... "
"Wow, and what would happen if you put a match in the middle?" asked the adventurer.
"I've never done that before, let's see" says the pirate. He pulls out a match lights it up and put it in between the parrots legs.
The parrot squawks and sings. "Chet's Nuts roasting on an open FIRE !!! ...."
After the five adventurer party killed the final boss, they weren't sure how to split the loot. The thief in the party had an idea and said, "Let's play a game called Duck, Duck, Goose. Whoever is the Goose wins." He goes to each member and stabs them in the back. As the four members of the party lie dying, the thief said, "Oh I guess I'm the Goose. I win".
Oh, raining outside with loud thunder storm. Gotta power-level tonight since no school tomorrow.
"Hahahaha! Neverwinter here I come~~~~~" [electricity fluctuates twice and power out]
7:10pm
Excitedly staring at the lamp waiting to turn on ~~~~
8:00pm
Room is filled with darkness but it's okay, I can wait more...
9:00pm
Arghhhh.... few moments more and then it was fixed, I swear!! I know it!!..
11:00
Yaaaaaaaaawn!!!! blink blink!!! Imagining on a rock concert to feel more lively and poof the lights blinks!!!!!
Wooooohhhhhh, there you go!!!!!!! I knew it!! I knew it...
Power buzzes, lights slowly power down again~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat theeeeee????????????
12:00am
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1:00am
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2:00am
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crickets are buzzing---- the rain stops
3:00am
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ a car drop by front of the house, yells if anyone around. Run fast to check and the local electrician says:
"Your nearest electric post has been shut down by lightning, you'll have no electricity until the next day."
The Devil founded with Human, Dwarf and Halfling, who better will train a wolf.
Once upon a time the devil comes to the Dwarf.
Dwarf, skinny with protruding ribs and a wolf fat that he can barely move.
Dwarf pulls sausage, gives the wolf, and he begins to serve.
Then he went to Halfling.
Halfling barely holding onto his feet, and the wolf as a barrel, paws is almost horizontal.
Halfling gives him a sausage - the wolf begins to dance.
Finally, the devil came to Human.
This thick, barely housed in a chair, a dog can hardly see.
Human pulls out a sausage and begins to eat.
For the wolf speaks with a human voice:
- Human, do not be rude ... Give a piece.
Did you hear the one about the remodeling projects that are happening in Neverdeath Graveyard?
A Lich has enslaved some Dwarves to do some remodeling and add on to his crypt as it seems a bit crowded as of late. But the pernicious Lich is very eccentric and has percise dimensions and demands. The Dwarves seem beaten and fearful as the Lich continues to display his role of a harsh disciplinarian. Just then does one of the Dwarves produce a black circle of what appears to be cloth "portable hole". He reaches inside the black fabric appearing to express discomfort and with a audible scream, a 10' beholder emerges into the room, eyestalks moving like tentacles serveying all and everyone within the crypt. The Lich lunges to ready himself as the beholder mutters dwarvish tongue to the dwarf who summoned him. An eerie silence falls like a curtain as the Beholder glares at the Lich. Now with a renewed confidence the dwarf tells the Lich the exact dimensions of all heights,lenghths,corners,pillars and radius with blue-print accuracy. The Lich stunned with perplexing amazement shows his approval through a black tooth grin and asks how does that beholder know all that? The Dwarf chuckles and said "I'M SURE HE EYE-BALLED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comments
Hmm, I guess you're feeling drow-sy then!"
Because he can't run so fast and has to cut corners to keep up :P
he finds out there is a dragon,
hoping the dragon would not kill him,
he started playing dead
unfortunately.......
The dragon was a necrophile
Two GWFs are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other whips out his iStone and calls the Cleric. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The Cleric says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a sword slash is heard. Back on the iStone, the GWF says "OK, now what?
That bloke was so awefully clever
he said "Whatever you do
just listen me to
and please, do not pull on that lever"
The party had come from a-far
In front of them the door stood ajar
They rushed in and looted
Before they were booted
hastily, out of the bar.
I have seen wonders prolific
but non was as great as the mimic
I laughed for so long
a laughter so strong
when it started reciting this limric.
A hero sandwich. Yum!
A: Rust in peace!
Bartender - "Why so glum buddy?"
Dwarf - "Just broke up with my girl, I was dating a wizard."
The bartender nodded sagely, "Bit of a control freak?"
Dwarf - "A bit better than my last girlfriend, Tempest bless her soul."
The bartender paused, "What was she, another mage?"
Dwarf - "Cleric."
Bartender - That doesn't sound so bad, how did she die?"
The dwarf sobbed in his beer. "I killed her."
Bartender, shocked, "Surely not."
The dwarf nodded, "Aye, we were in a tavern, I went and got in a fight with her. I lost my temper and slapped her, and she went and took all my agro...."
M.
F2: So, how about your women? How they look like?
F1: They are like rough diamond!
F2: Oh, so you mean charcoal!
A: Because the CAPS LOCK IS RIGHT NEXT TO THE BLOCK BUTTON
*ba bom, ting*
He had aids.
Some things we still can't cure.
The dwarf is HALF his size!
An Orc-hestra
If I drop my bag of holding, does it transform into a bag of let go?
a halfling told me to forget everything I know about longswords. So I did and it was a liberating feeling. He then tried to sell me a longsword and I didn't know what the hell it was.
I had a mount with separation anxiety so I just pretended to summon it.
Graaaaaaaaaaaaains.
How do rotters get from one city to another?
Traaaaaaaaaaaaains.
And if the tracks are blocked?
Plaaaaaaaaaaaaanes.
What's a rotter's favorite weather pattern?
Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaain.
How does a rotter feel when it's tired?
Draaaaaaaaaaaaaained.
What's a rotter's favorite musical?
Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame.
What does a rotter think of these jokes?
Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame.
Paladin of Sune: I won't kill you but if you'd like one last *wink*nod*wink* then stand at the back of the line.
Paladin of Cyric: It would be my honor. *kill* *raises as undead*
Paladin of Torm: You DARE to abandon your post? Torm strike you down coward! *kill*
Paladin of Loviatar: Hold that thought; here are some nice Orc gentlemen I wanted you to meet.
Paladin of Waukeen: What's it worth to ya?
Paladin of Mask: Well I dunno.. LOOK OVER THERE! *Backstab, rifle through coinpurse*
Paladin of Oghma: *First recites a summation of this thread, complete with cross-indexed references and legal precedences from 3 planes, citing various previous Paladins and dieties and the various and sundry means by which such an act could be accomplished and justified then stops as the orc horde falls over from boredom and blinks owlishly* "I'm sorry, what was the question again?"
A very rare and fragile artfact.
where you going to put it?
in my bag of course.... together with everything.
Suddenly one asks another:
- You know what this is nothing?
The second looked crooked.
To which the first says:
- Half a liter to two.
"I'm coming to get you! And I'm going to eat you!"
The Wizard runs away.
They hear the voice again.
"I'm getting closer! And I'm going to eat you!"
The Cleric runs away.
The voice comes once more.
"I've nearly got you! And I'm going to eat you!"
The Thief hides in the shadows and continues to walk on.
And at the very end of the dungeon, he finds a small goblin picking his nose.
He switches to the stick up his *** as a backup weapon.
After a few ales the adventurer ask "So what's the parrot name?"
"Chet." replies the pirate.
"And does he sing?" ask the adventurer.
"Why of course." says the pirate. And he pulls out a match lights it up and puts it under the parrot's right foot.
Chet squawks and sings "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way .... "
"That's Amazing!!!" replys the adventurer. "Does he know any other songs?"
"Sure does !!" to which the pirate pulls out another match lights it up and puts it under the parrot's left foot.
Chet squawks and sings " Frosty the Snowman ... "
"Wow, and what would happen if you put a match in the middle?" asked the adventurer.
"I've never done that before, let's see" says the pirate. He pulls out a match lights it up and put it in between the parrots legs.
The parrot squawks and sings. "Chet's Nuts roasting on an open FIRE !!! ...."
Oh, raining outside with loud thunder storm. Gotta power-level tonight since no school tomorrow.
"Hahahaha! Neverwinter here I come~~~~~" [electricity fluctuates twice and power out]
7:10pm
Excitedly staring at the lamp waiting to turn on ~~~~
8:00pm
Room is filled with darkness but it's okay, I can wait more...
9:00pm
Arghhhh.... few moments more and then it was fixed, I swear!! I know it!!..
11:00
Yaaaaaaaaawn!!!! blink blink!!! Imagining on a rock concert to feel more lively and poof the lights blinks!!!!!
Wooooohhhhhh, there you go!!!!!!! I knew it!! I knew it...
Power buzzes, lights slowly power down again~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat theeeeee????????????
12:00am
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1:00am
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2:00am
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crickets are buzzing---- the rain stops
3:00am
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ a car drop by front of the house, yells if anyone around. Run fast to check and the local electrician says:
"Your nearest electric post has been shut down by lightning, you'll have no electricity until the next day."
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4:00am
5:00am
6:00am ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CAN'T SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!
Once upon a time the devil comes to the Dwarf.
Dwarf, skinny with protruding ribs and a wolf fat that he can barely move.
Dwarf pulls sausage, gives the wolf, and he begins to serve.
Then he went to Halfling.
Halfling barely holding onto his feet, and the wolf as a barrel, paws is almost horizontal.
Halfling gives him a sausage - the wolf begins to dance.
Finally, the devil came to Human.
This thick, barely housed in a chair, a dog can hardly see.
Human pulls out a sausage and begins to eat.
For the wolf speaks with a human voice:
- Human, do not be rude ... Give a piece.
A Lich has enslaved some Dwarves to do some remodeling and add on to his crypt as it seems a bit crowded as of late. But the pernicious Lich is very eccentric and has percise dimensions and demands. The Dwarves seem beaten and fearful as the Lich continues to display his role of a harsh disciplinarian. Just then does one of the Dwarves produce a black circle of what appears to be cloth "portable hole". He reaches inside the black fabric appearing to express discomfort and with a audible scream, a 10' beholder emerges into the room, eyestalks moving like tentacles serveying all and everyone within the crypt. The Lich lunges to ready himself as the beholder mutters dwarvish tongue to the dwarf who summoned him. An eerie silence falls like a curtain as the Beholder glares at the Lich. Now with a renewed confidence the dwarf tells the Lich the exact dimensions of all heights,lenghths,corners,pillars and radius with blue-print accuracy. The Lich stunned with perplexing amazement shows his approval through a black tooth grin and asks how does that beholder know all that? The Dwarf chuckles and said "I'M SURE HE EYE-BALLED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!