A halfling, a human and a half orc were talking in a bar when the human's speech began:
- Everyone has a beautiful side - spoke the human already changed the drink.
- Not everyone - the middle orc disagreed.
- Agree big guy, you're a circle - He ended the halfling jokingly.
Genus Draco Fad and the Muster@Jintortle
ID: NW-DD5FLOBTJ Cult of the Dragon Foundry Contest - Please participate and vote for your favourite - 26/6/2014 contest rating begins.
Sir Camps A Lot. Mr SlingShot Boom. XX Phantasmagorical. Jinn Dragonfeast.
SlingShot Boom Jr. Jocan Traders. Little Lord Forgatty, Dwarf Mean and introducing Necro Torquemada (The Warlock)
The Driftwood Tavern is in shock when Khelen Blackstaff enters. But soon after the noise in the tavern is roaring yet again. A party of adventurers sitting at their table all telling stories that they've heard about Blackstaff. A halfling rogue jumps on the table and says, " I bet I can scare him out of the tavern." His party, accepts his bet shortly after they figure out he's serious' True to their skills, the little trickster rogue vanishes and reappears behind Blackstaff whom has turned to face him. With jaw dropping open slightly, Blackstaff teleports out of the tavern.
The party is dumbfounded at how such an in experienced rogue halfling could be so scary. Upon returning to collect his winnings, his fellow adventures beg for the secret to his success.
"It was nothing really, I just told him the truth. Blackstaff sir, you have dandruff."
What term do you use to refer to a Cleric that has miscast their spell? Clerical Error.
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hinken666Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 6Arc User
edited May 2013
Well here's my contribution from the days of Monk's d and d and neverwinter. Man i miss those speedy, spell resistant baldy's.. with insane reflexes.. anyhow the joke..
A monk arrives at his first monastery eager to learn the ropes of being a devoted monk and make an impact on his order. He is introduced to the brother's and the Abbot who is in residence and starts his daily tasks. The monks are making hand written copies of the 'Rules of the Order of Monks'.. its basically the bible of how to be a monk.
After a few hundered pages the new monk has a brainwave.. ''Abbot!'' he calls out.. ''If we are writing these by hand isnt there a chance that we could make a mistake which would then be replicated by the next monk to copy that copy?''
After a sudden white faced moment the abbot rushes into the sacred tomb where the original sacred rule book for monks was held.. only the Abbot ordained by the church could gaze upon such a holy relic.
The brother's waited outside the sacred tomb and all they could hear was whining and tears.. and the odd occasional thudding sound..
Days past but the brother's had no right to enter the tomb but were growing more concerned for the Abbot's well being.
Finally one brother said ''father forgive me'' and entered the tomb to establish the well being of the Abbot.
Upon reaching the sacred room he found a dehydrated , blood covered Abbot with the sacred verses of the Monk's order gripped firmly in his hands, banging his head against a blood stained rock in a distressed fashion.
The brother obviously shocked at the find consoled the Abbot and asked '' My Holiness what has done this to you, why do you act this way?''
After a few minutes of sobbing the Abbot composes himself and says..
''The word was CELEBRATE'' ((not celibate for those non native English speakers))
Hope you enjoyed my tale:)
In memory of the series of Hinken characters accross all of Neverwinter nights 1 and 2 and persistent worlds. (all me ofc :P)
An elven ranger was looking for a notorious poacher and finds him up a tree, waiting on some prey. Trying to maintain stealth discipline, the ranger signs up to the poacher. Points up at the poacher, then down at his feet. He then points to his mouth and then back at the poacher. The ranger wanted him to climb down the tree so he could talk to him. Silently in reply: the poacher nodded to the ranger solemnly and then proceeded to make a fist and jerk it up and down in front of him. Clearly offended by this obscene act, the ranger repeated his earlier gestures. Again, the poacher nodded down solemnly then proceeded to jerk his fist up and down at him. Now clearly upset, the ranger gestured again, but this time in a stage whisper shouted, "Climb down, so I can speak to you." The poacher climbed down to him, and as he approached him, he replied in a nonchalant tone, "I know what you signed me, I replied that I was coming..."
What is a undead musician doing right now?
Decomposing.
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zangetsu2525Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 2Arc User
edited May 2013
A Dwarf, an elf, and a half ling are adventuring together out in the world. They stop by a road side tavern on the way to kill a dragon. Along the way, the dwarf kept hearing whistling noises and blaming the elf.
"I do not whistle." says the elf as he enjoys his ale. Someone whistles.
"Well, you bloody hell aren't farting are you." ask the dwarf. Someone whistles.
"Elves do not <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> I'll have you know." replies the elf who seems to almost look annoyed at the mere thought of such a disgusting thing. Someone whistles.
"Well, if you don't <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> and you don't whistle, you got to at least belch." inquires the dwarf now getting angry about the idea of this elf being so proper.
"We do not belch either. Such is beyond our nature." says the elf to the dwarf.
"You don't belch? Such is an insult to good drink me friend!" Someone whistles. The dwarf looks around. "Where is all that whistling coming from!?"
They both turn towards the halfling. The Halfling sets his small pint down and says, "What do you think a halfling <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> sounds like?"
A dwarf walked into his forge one day, and saw a halfling with his ear pressed against his anvil. He stood there, and merely watched for a moment, before he finally had to ask, "Lad, what on earth are you doing to that anvil?"
The halfling responded "Oh, I'm just listening to some heavy metal."
The Bard spots an arcane parchment, picks it up, passes her "int check", casts Mirror Image, and starts harmonizing.
"We'll be scrolling along, singing our song, side by side"....................
When I was a teenager, to stop me from having underage sex my dad bought me a huge 'how to play Dungeons & Dragons' manual.
And crushed my balls in it.
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joesouthMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 13Arc User
edited May 2013
Ok, here it goes... *Swigs a bottle of Eagles Spleandor*
A weary traveler entered the Neverwinter pun contest today. He posted 10 puns on the forums in hopes that one would win. Unfortunately, no pun in 10 did.
Sgt. Knox went to the market district last week to buy some camouflage platemail, but couldn't find any.lel
What do you get the Half-orc that has everything? A garbage pail to keep it in.
Why did the Half-orc paint his boots red white spots? SO he could hide in the strawberry patch.
Did you hear about the all Orc string orchestra? they stopped in the middle of the Symphony to clean the saliva out of their instruments.
two cows were eating some grass and enjoying the sun out in a field. The first cow said "Moo". The second cow said "Funny, I was just about to say that"
Why aren't there any sports in Neverwinter? Anyone that can run, jump or swim has already gotten out.
Did you hear about the cannibal that tried to eat his mother-in-law? She still disagreed with him.
you know when you played a lot of neverwinter when you go in front of your fireplace open your arms and prey for a buff x_x
im so op that when im out of stealth i dont see anyone nearby.
when i use shocking execution on you you die,you lose your items,you roll back to lvl 1,your account gets banned,your pc explodes and chuck norris take a no2 on his pants.and if i crit earth explodes. :P
Could somebody please tell my cleric companion to stop running up to mobs and putting her holy symbol in their faces, she's like an Jehovah's witness after 20 5 hour energies.
Why is it anytime anybody needs something done they send us to Dungeons or graveyards. Why can't we be sent to nice places, like picnic grounds, parks, or lady's outdoor baths.
They never ask for you to bring back anything nice either. Its always, go gather 40 metric tons of goblin boogers, or go roll around in that green ooze left by the giant that ate at a Waffle House and bring me back any corn you find.
Comments
- Everyone has a beautiful side - spoke the human already changed the drink.
- Not everyone - the middle orc disagreed.
- Agree big guy, you're a circle - He ended the halfling jokingly.
They can't keep their pants on.
ID: NW-DD5FLOBTJ Cult of the Dragon Foundry Contest - Please participate and vote for your favourite - 26/6/2014 contest rating begins.
Sir Camps A Lot. Mr SlingShot Boom. XX Phantasmagorical. Jinn Dragonfeast.
SlingShot Boom Jr. Jocan Traders. Little Lord Forgatty, Dwarf Mean and introducing Necro Torquemada (The Warlock)
The party is dumbfounded at how such an in experienced rogue halfling could be so scary. Upon returning to collect his winnings, his fellow adventures beg for the secret to his success.
"It was nothing really, I just told him the truth. Blackstaff sir, you have dandruff."
A monk arrives at his first monastery eager to learn the ropes of being a devoted monk and make an impact on his order. He is introduced to the brother's and the Abbot who is in residence and starts his daily tasks. The monks are making hand written copies of the 'Rules of the Order of Monks'.. its basically the bible of how to be a monk.
After a few hundered pages the new monk has a brainwave.. ''Abbot!'' he calls out.. ''If we are writing these by hand isnt there a chance that we could make a mistake which would then be replicated by the next monk to copy that copy?''
After a sudden white faced moment the abbot rushes into the sacred tomb where the original sacred rule book for monks was held.. only the Abbot ordained by the church could gaze upon such a holy relic.
The brother's waited outside the sacred tomb and all they could hear was whining and tears.. and the odd occasional thudding sound..
Days past but the brother's had no right to enter the tomb but were growing more concerned for the Abbot's well being.
Finally one brother said ''father forgive me'' and entered the tomb to establish the well being of the Abbot.
Upon reaching the sacred room he found a dehydrated , blood covered Abbot with the sacred verses of the Monk's order gripped firmly in his hands, banging his head against a blood stained rock in a distressed fashion.
The brother obviously shocked at the find consoled the Abbot and asked '' My Holiness what has done this to you, why do you act this way?''
After a few minutes of sobbing the Abbot composes himself and says..
''The word was CELEBRATE'' ((not celibate for those non native English speakers))
Hope you enjoyed my tale:)
In memory of the series of Hinken characters accross all of Neverwinter nights 1 and 2 and persistent worlds. (all me ofc :P)
A: Because all of the Clerics turning undead was getting terribly messy for the clergy.
A wHere-rat :P
*badumtish*
hehe just made meme from what may have been a tragical accident that got you banned, poor bad luck brian
Decomposing.
"I do not whistle." says the elf as he enjoys his ale. Someone whistles.
"Well, you bloody hell aren't farting are you." ask the dwarf. Someone whistles.
"Elves do not <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> I'll have you know." replies the elf who seems to almost look annoyed at the mere thought of such a disgusting thing. Someone whistles.
"Well, if you don't <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> and you don't whistle, you got to at least belch." inquires the dwarf now getting angry about the idea of this elf being so proper.
"We do not belch either. Such is beyond our nature." says the elf to the dwarf.
"You don't belch? Such is an insult to good drink me friend!" Someone whistles. The dwarf looks around. "Where is all that whistling coming from!?"
They both turn towards the halfling. The Halfling sets his small pint down and says, "What do you think a halfling <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> sounds like?"
Everywhere.
The halfling responded "Oh, I'm just listening to some heavy metal."
"We'll be scrolling along, singing our song, side by side"....................
And crushed my balls in it.
A weary traveler entered the Neverwinter pun contest today. He posted 10 puns on the forums in hopes that one would win. Unfortunately, no pun in 10 did.
Sgt. Knox went to the market district last week to buy some camouflage platemail, but couldn't find any. lel
Expected to set the record for people saying, "Ticket for one, please."
I am not sure If anyone has posted something like this before, but I'll give it a go anyway.
Why did the Half-orc paint his boots red white spots? SO he could hide in the strawberry patch.
Did you hear about the all Orc string orchestra? they stopped in the middle of the Symphony to clean the saliva out of their instruments.
two cows were eating some grass and enjoying the sun out in a field. The first cow said "Moo". The second cow said "Funny, I was just about to say that"
Why aren't there any sports in Neverwinter? Anyone that can run, jump or swim has already gotten out.
Did you hear about the cannibal that tried to eat his mother-in-law? She still disagreed with him.
im so op that when im out of stealth i dont see anyone nearby.
when i use shocking execution on you you die,you lose your items,you roll back to lvl 1,your account gets banned,your pc explodes and chuck norris take a no2 on his pants.and if i crit earth explodes. :P
Gives everyone a treat.
Why is it anytime anybody needs something done they send us to Dungeons or graveyards. Why can't we be sent to nice places, like picnic grounds, parks, or lady's outdoor baths.
They never ask for you to bring back anything nice either. Its always, go gather 40 metric tons of goblin boogers, or go roll around in that green ooze left by the giant that ate at a Waffle House and bring me back any corn you find.