i dont think i can win but i can try i want the mouse cause mine stinks stinks like a goblins odor with a hint of ogre dew left out in the sun for 2 while all witches sneezing saying achew sorry to say the players killed them all stinking like a skunk with tamatoes in their lunch
beer
a human great woepon fighter drinks 5 then passes out
an elf cleric drinks 9 then passes out
a dwarf gaudian drinks 42 then passes out
an orc control wizard drinks 42 power of the trikster rogue then passes out
lastly a trikster rogue drinks 42-9-5=28 then passes out
how does a dwarf lose to an orc if thier the masters of ale idk
as i said i am no good at jokes when i try and i cant just not try to be good sorry for the bad humor guys i dont i will win a mouse have a fun time playing the game love it so. and if you dont know me that well you will know me more because i am the one complaining a bit about the training tomes i have posted many comments about it in many areas bye guys.
On a cold dark night in a local inn near Baldur's Gate a young bard begins to sing...
"Near the Summit loud they shout,
I hear their Echoes roundabout.
I hear their echoes carry on.
The heroes of Winter will never be gone.
Through Darkest of tempest
Till faintest of night.
Remains but a glimmer,
a sparkle, so bright.
The spark that marks the flames of change,
The thunder heard when sparks arrange,
to form the fire to light the sky...
beyond this point I wave goodbye."
The bard pauses then takes a bow. The inn remains as always quite,
dead. The young bard takes a seat.
A tavern wench approaches him, she asks "what was that name of that beautiful song?" To which he replies;
I'm not sure, I rolled need. But I couldn't identify it.
-Did you hear about the guy who crashed when trying to enter a dungeon?
-What happened?
-He and his mount were under the influence.
-What were they on?
-A control mage's hit list.
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jandeverMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
Two Bard are sitting on a bridge, one of them creates a stinking cloud.
The other says "I didn't know you knew magic."
The first Bard says "I don't"
(A personal D&D Experience) I was a lizard-man rogue playing in 3.5, We were in a dungeon, and I was to search the door for traps. With my eyes being on the top of my head, I improvised and stood on my head pressing myself against the door as I looked under. I saw a trap and decided to disarm it. I forgot to tell the DM that I wanted to stop standing on my head. and Disarm the trap laying on my belly. So the Orcish made Battering ram from a log swings down and crushes the door... that I am ever so gently pressed against. This happened right after a nice Dracolich battle... Needless to say. I was rolling 4 D6 and dropping the lowest number and repeating the process 6 times. (Lesson learned... Details, details, details.)
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hectic1982Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 10Arc User
So, to settle a dispute, a human wizard challenges a halfling rogue to a game of limbo, winner takes all.
The halfling accepts of course, thinking his height will net him an easy victory.
So the wizard transports him to Limbo and the contest is over in a jiffy
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originxpliceMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 3Arc User
edited May 2013
If it is "Neverwinter," then why is there snow?
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originxpliceMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 3Arc User
edited May 2013
a Guardian, a GWF, and a Cleric walk into a bar... the Cleric pulls agro.
What is the difference between a New Foundry quest and an in-game Solo Dungeon?
One is hard to find, the other is Ridiculous.
Genus Draco Fad and the Muster@Jintortle
ID: NW-DD5FLOBTJ Cult of the Dragon Foundry Contest - Please participate and vote for your favourite - 26/6/2014 contest rating begins.
Sir Camps A Lot. Mr SlingShot Boom. XX Phantasmagorical. Jinn Dragonfeast.
SlingShot Boom Jr. Jocan Traders. Little Lord Forgatty, Dwarf Mean and introducing Necro Torquemada (The Warlock)
"OMG you should try Neverwinter, it's such a great game, I have 3 60s and a ton of cool stuff, and I've only spent 300 bucks!" Says one man to his friend. "Really?" His friend asks, "how much does it cost to play each month?" He smiles proudly and answers "It's free to play, so no reason you shouldn't try it!" His friend looks back with an equally sized smile and says, "so now I understand how you have all the cool stuff!"
What is the difference between the original red book AD&D and the Foundry?
AD&D gave you the basics and limited you only by your imagination, The foundry gives you the ability to use your imagination, then limits what you can get out of it.
teeptzuMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 2Arc User
edited May 2013
Originally, I was going to post this in the Cleric forum to spread the word about healing but I like trying to win free stuff:
As a healer, I think it is important to put my thoughts down on paper so that I do not have to repeat myself every time I group up with adventurers. If you have not healed before, you probably do not understand what I do. And, even if you have done combat healing before (if you are not a devout cleric), then you still may have a lot to learn about us.
First, let’s talk about what we are not:
While I save lives, I am not a doctor. If you cut your finger in the kitchen, DON’T COME TO ME! Are you crazy? That’s gross! You should go to the hospital because that could get infected. My healing powers are reserved for those who are injured in the battle with evil. In other words, my god does not care if you die from Cancer. Unless, of course, “Cancer” is the name of the Orc trying to kill you, then I got ya.
I am not a top damage dealer. Do not misunderstand me, I am a dangerous half-elf and you should not mess with me. But, at the end of a dungeon, if you do more damage than I, then try to keep it real. Yes, I can put on the hurt like most folks, but that is not why I am there. I respect what damage dealers do but the truth is that any monkey can do your job (well, at least the violent ones). If I tied you to a chair and locked you in a room with a monkey and a sword, you would be dead. It would take that monkey all of five minutes to figure out where the pointy end goes. Now, same situation, but I give another monkey my Symbol. Let me tell you that you could wait a bajillion years and you would NEVER be healed. In fact, you would also end up dead because that monkey would beat you with it (it would just take a long time. Like a really bad DOT). IN OTHER WORDS, any monkey can do your job and that is why you are shouting “LF1M DC for [insert dungeon name here].” Damage dealing is not our specialty (even if we can be good at it), that is not what you are seeking.
To drive this home, let me point out that we get no real weapons. You know that guy that brings a stick to a swordfight? Well, we are less armed than the stick dude. It’s not that I am against weapons, I love’em. But, the fact is that weapons really just get in the way. And, I am going to keep it real here again; they are inconvenient. Have you ever tried to dual-wield? Seriously, I dare you. I literally cannot walk from my bedroom to the kitchen with a sword in each hand. I am bumping into doorways and knocking down pictures. It’s like that first time you learn to dance when you ask “what do I do with my hands?” Except in this case, you add the words “because I almost gutted myself and killed that dude to my right.” As a cleric, you get a symbol. What’s a symbol? A symbol is something that represents something else. In this case, that “something else” is a real weapon. So, while a monkey could eventually kill you with my symbol, let's not forget that he could do that with empty potion bottles and old arcane kits with the same effect.
I am not a tank. While I can take some hits better than most folks (and I can gear myself up for tanking), again, it is not why I am there. Now, I have held off five Nashers simultaneously and killed them all; but that is not tanking. That is just an example of how I am a dangerous, psycho killer (who loves my God). Let me put it to you this way: When you act a fool in at the dinner table, you do not “Tank” your Daddy’s belt. Unless I am sadly mistaken, huddling in the fetal position and getting beat does not qualify as “Tanking.” Running circles around a Mad Dragon being chased by five imps is NOT tanking. I see Guardians tank all the time and I swear that crying and wailing is not part of the tanking process. So, when you draw aggro and get beat into the floor, you are not “tanking the boss.” You, my friend, are getting whooped. There is a difference. On the flip side, when I am burning my enemies with holy fire, they are not tanking me either. They are becoming homicide victims. Again, there is a difference.
So, what are we? We are the best combat healers in Faerun. Again, I could actually tank and do decent damage if that is what you want. But, we clerics combat heal better than anyone and that’s why you want us. Now, I want to expand on these topics in the future but here are two tips that will help me, help you. And, I am begging all of you to help me, help you.
Adds. GET THEM OFF ME! Someone, anyone in the group needs to be in charge of getting adds off of me during big battles. Until the Gods see fit to change aggro, this is a real problem. You cannot expect me to heal while swords and arrows are making their home in my chain mail (and vital organs). To demonstrate this point, please go outside and have three of your friends chase you with rocks and knives. Now, at the same time, I want you to perform heart surgery on a patient who is also being chased around with rocks and knives. Welcome to my world.
The second tip that I want to highlight is that the Gods help those that help themselves. While I do have some direct healing, a lot of the healing that I bring is dependent on your actions. Astral Seal is a good example of what I am talking about. When I mark an enemy with Astral Seal, you heal yourself each time you strike that enemy. Then there is Forgemaster’s Flame. When I am in Divinity mode and I cast it on an enemy, you heal yourself just by being near that fool. In other words, a lot of my healing is not about selecting your name off a magical list and casting a “heal” on you. That is not how it works. Now, this leads me to a second point: the more organized the group, the more effective I heal. Again, there is no magic, selectable list. With some exceptions, my healing is often focused around a local area or a particular enemy. If everyone (except the person watching me) is hitting the same guy, it is easier to heal everyone. If everyone is in the same area, I can target them easier to touch them up.
Finally, this is not a tip but I find it interesting that some people do not realize that I cannot actually heal myself directly (except with a potion). I heal myself when I heal you (or take part in the action). So, my fate is tied up with yours. This is how my God wants it and I will not argue. You die, I die. You are lazy, I die. You annoy me, I leave and you die alone (quickly and horribly).
And, on that cheerful note, I will end my diatribe here. Anyway, I hope to expand more on the healing side in the future. My name is Teep McHealin. I look forward to taking care of you in the future; unless, you are annoying. Then, I hope you get Cancer. Honestly, there is something really wrong about that Orc.
Respectfully,
Teep McHealin -Mindflayer
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blosserstormMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 3Arc User
edited May 2013
I thought about entering the contest, but I know that I'll Neverwinter.
There was a Half elf who really loved to get high, uncon several times, in other races that did not like it much, but when they came to the orcs arrived in town, they saw of it I can relax and enjoy and not all day to run and operate your quest, after the orcs averse liked and people and other races began to be associate
. Having all good smoked all races followed by a silence and then immediately disconnected. On that day you haved problem with thieves everything went well. greetings thanks for the beautiful game
TR Blames DC for not healing enough
DC Blames GF for not having enough aggro to pull adds away
GF Blames CW for not controlling the mobs near DC
CW Blames TR for not DPS-ing enough to kill the boss quickly.
The Grandmaster of Flowers, Grandfather of Assassins, His Holy General Priest of Tyr, and the King of Corymr were talking. They ended up in an argument about whose followers were the toughest and most obedient. They all decided to find the best of their best and hold a tournament to see whos was most loyal.
Each of the four tried and tested their followers to see who was the most powerful and most loyal. At last they were all ready to compete. They met at the edge of a cliff. At the bottom of the 50' drop was a lake and in the lake were poisonous snakes, piranhas, and a dragon turtle. The only way out was to swim 200 yards across the lake, onto an island. The island was covered with lizard men and trolls. After passing through them, the followers would then have to enter a cave that led through a red dragons lair and would finally allow them to exit back near where they started.
Looking at his Royal Knight, the King of Cormyr said "Sir Knight, for the honor and glory of the kingdom I want you to cross that lake, and return here through the cave." Looking over the scene, the knight replied "I am sorry my lord, but that is sure death. I cannot do it."
Smiling, the Priest of Tyr turned to his paladin and said "You are the might of Tyr, most loyal and trust worthy follower. You know the task, accomplish it and receive the blessing of our Patron." Shaking his head slowly, the Paladin replied "I cannot do what you ask."
The Grandfather of Assasins asked one of his assassins to jummp, the man dove into a bush in a puff of smoke leaving a note "Ask me again, and we'll see who goes."
The Grandmaster of Flowers turned to his follower and said simply "Do it." Without so much as batting an eye, the Monk dove off the cliff and into the water. In a flash he was across the lake and entering the jungles on the island. As the group waited in anticipation, the heard a distant roar and flames came licking out the end of the cave. Shortly there after the brave young monk came running out, burned, battered and bleeding, but alive.
The Grandfather ran over and hugged the young monk. "Son" he said, "Truly you are the pride of all of the monastery. Ask for anything, anything at all and it is yours."
"All I want..." he replied, "...is to find out who the son-of-a-b**ch was that pushed me...."
Comments
beer
a human great woepon fighter drinks 5 then passes out
an elf cleric drinks 9 then passes out
a dwarf gaudian drinks 42 then passes out
an orc control wizard drinks 42 power of the trikster rogue then passes out
lastly a trikster rogue drinks 42-9-5=28 then passes out
how does a dwarf lose to an orc if thier the masters of ale idk
as i said i am no good at jokes when i try and i cant just not try to be good sorry for the bad humor guys i dont i will win a mouse have a fun time playing the game love it so. and if you dont know me that well you will know me more because i am the one complaining a bit about the training tomes i have posted many comments about it in many areas bye guys.
On a cold dark night in a local inn near Baldur's Gate a young bard begins to sing...
"Near the Summit loud they shout,
I hear their Echoes roundabout.
I hear their echoes carry on.
The heroes of Winter will never be gone.
Through Darkest of tempest
Till faintest of night.
Remains but a glimmer,
a sparkle, so bright.
The spark that marks the flames of change,
The thunder heard when sparks arrange,
to form the fire to light the sky...
beyond this point I wave goodbye."
The bard pauses then takes a bow. The inn remains as always quite,
dead. The young bard takes a seat.
A tavern wench approaches him, she asks "what was that name of that beautiful song?" To which he replies;
I'm not sure, I rolled need. But I couldn't identify it.
THe bottom half of an Orc
-What happened?
-He and his mount were under the influence.
-What were they on?
-A control mage's hit list.
The other says "I didn't know you knew magic."
The first Bard says "I don't"
look at the size of their fingers
I don't Knox
A Skald!
Pay a visit to your local Medusa.
The other half.
3- 1 to tear down the tree, 1 to rip off the branches, 1 to light the top.
never mind there too short.. zing
Yes, I had an headache... It got worse.
The halfling accepts of course, thinking his height will net him an easy victory.
So the wizard transports him to Limbo and the contest is over in a jiffy
Has been said already though.
What is the difference between a New Foundry quest and an in-game Solo Dungeon?
One is hard to find, the other is Ridiculous.
ID: NW-DD5FLOBTJ Cult of the Dragon Foundry Contest - Please participate and vote for your favourite - 26/6/2014 contest rating begins.
Sir Camps A Lot. Mr SlingShot Boom. XX Phantasmagorical. Jinn Dragonfeast.
SlingShot Boom Jr. Jocan Traders. Little Lord Forgatty, Dwarf Mean and introducing Necro Torquemada (The Warlock)
The economy
Neverwinter acknowledges its mistakes, even if it is months later.
AD&D gave you the basics and limited you only by your imagination, The foundry gives you the ability to use your imagination, then limits what you can get out of it.
The halfling orders a mug of half shadowdark ale, half kneecracker cider.
The half orc orders a glass of common clerry wine with some Elminsters choice... shaken
The Half elf looks to the other two and exclaims "What is this, some kind of half-baked joke?"
What's the drop rate?
As a healer, I think it is important to put my thoughts down on paper so that I do not have to repeat myself every time I group up with adventurers. If you have not healed before, you probably do not understand what I do. And, even if you have done combat healing before (if you are not a devout cleric), then you still may have a lot to learn about us.
First, let’s talk about what we are not:
While I save lives, I am not a doctor. If you cut your finger in the kitchen, DON’T COME TO ME! Are you crazy? That’s gross! You should go to the hospital because that could get infected. My healing powers are reserved for those who are injured in the battle with evil. In other words, my god does not care if you die from Cancer. Unless, of course, “Cancer” is the name of the Orc trying to kill you, then I got ya.
I am not a top damage dealer. Do not misunderstand me, I am a dangerous half-elf and you should not mess with me. But, at the end of a dungeon, if you do more damage than I, then try to keep it real. Yes, I can put on the hurt like most folks, but that is not why I am there. I respect what damage dealers do but the truth is that any monkey can do your job (well, at least the violent ones). If I tied you to a chair and locked you in a room with a monkey and a sword, you would be dead. It would take that monkey all of five minutes to figure out where the pointy end goes. Now, same situation, but I give another monkey my Symbol. Let me tell you that you could wait a bajillion years and you would NEVER be healed. In fact, you would also end up dead because that monkey would beat you with it (it would just take a long time. Like a really bad DOT). IN OTHER WORDS, any monkey can do your job and that is why you are shouting “LF1M DC for [insert dungeon name here].” Damage dealing is not our specialty (even if we can be good at it), that is not what you are seeking.
To drive this home, let me point out that we get no real weapons. You know that guy that brings a stick to a swordfight? Well, we are less armed than the stick dude. It’s not that I am against weapons, I love’em. But, the fact is that weapons really just get in the way. And, I am going to keep it real here again; they are inconvenient. Have you ever tried to dual-wield? Seriously, I dare you. I literally cannot walk from my bedroom to the kitchen with a sword in each hand. I am bumping into doorways and knocking down pictures. It’s like that first time you learn to dance when you ask “what do I do with my hands?” Except in this case, you add the words “because I almost gutted myself and killed that dude to my right.” As a cleric, you get a symbol. What’s a symbol? A symbol is something that represents something else. In this case, that “something else” is a real weapon. So, while a monkey could eventually kill you with my symbol, let's not forget that he could do that with empty potion bottles and old arcane kits with the same effect.
I am not a tank. While I can take some hits better than most folks (and I can gear myself up for tanking), again, it is not why I am there. Now, I have held off five Nashers simultaneously and killed them all; but that is not tanking. That is just an example of how I am a dangerous, psycho killer (who loves my God). Let me put it to you this way: When you act a fool in at the dinner table, you do not “Tank” your Daddy’s belt. Unless I am sadly mistaken, huddling in the fetal position and getting beat does not qualify as “Tanking.” Running circles around a Mad Dragon being chased by five imps is NOT tanking. I see Guardians tank all the time and I swear that crying and wailing is not part of the tanking process. So, when you draw aggro and get beat into the floor, you are not “tanking the boss.” You, my friend, are getting whooped. There is a difference. On the flip side, when I am burning my enemies with holy fire, they are not tanking me either. They are becoming homicide victims. Again, there is a difference.
So, what are we? We are the best combat healers in Faerun. Again, I could actually tank and do decent damage if that is what you want. But, we clerics combat heal better than anyone and that’s why you want us. Now, I want to expand on these topics in the future but here are two tips that will help me, help you. And, I am begging all of you to help me, help you.
Adds. GET THEM OFF ME! Someone, anyone in the group needs to be in charge of getting adds off of me during big battles. Until the Gods see fit to change aggro, this is a real problem. You cannot expect me to heal while swords and arrows are making their home in my chain mail (and vital organs). To demonstrate this point, please go outside and have three of your friends chase you with rocks and knives. Now, at the same time, I want you to perform heart surgery on a patient who is also being chased around with rocks and knives. Welcome to my world.
The second tip that I want to highlight is that the Gods help those that help themselves. While I do have some direct healing, a lot of the healing that I bring is dependent on your actions. Astral Seal is a good example of what I am talking about. When I mark an enemy with Astral Seal, you heal yourself each time you strike that enemy. Then there is Forgemaster’s Flame. When I am in Divinity mode and I cast it on an enemy, you heal yourself just by being near that fool. In other words, a lot of my healing is not about selecting your name off a magical list and casting a “heal” on you. That is not how it works. Now, this leads me to a second point: the more organized the group, the more effective I heal. Again, there is no magic, selectable list. With some exceptions, my healing is often focused around a local area or a particular enemy. If everyone (except the person watching me) is hitting the same guy, it is easier to heal everyone. If everyone is in the same area, I can target them easier to touch them up.
Finally, this is not a tip but I find it interesting that some people do not realize that I cannot actually heal myself directly (except with a potion). I heal myself when I heal you (or take part in the action). So, my fate is tied up with yours. This is how my God wants it and I will not argue. You die, I die. You are lazy, I die. You annoy me, I leave and you die alone (quickly and horribly).
And, on that cheerful note, I will end my diatribe here. Anyway, I hope to expand more on the healing side in the future. My name is Teep McHealin. I look forward to taking care of you in the future; unless, you are annoying. Then, I hope you get Cancer. Honestly, there is something really wrong about that Orc.
Respectfully,
Teep McHealin -Mindflayer
. Having all good smoked all races followed by a silence and then immediately disconnected. On that day you haved problem with thieves everything went well. greetings thanks for the beautiful game
Every Dungeon Wipe:
TR Blames DC for not healing enough
DC Blames GF for not having enough aggro to pull adds away
GF Blames CW for not controlling the mobs near DC
CW Blames TR for not DPS-ing enough to kill the boss quickly.
GWF is not in the party. Forever Alone.
The Grandmaster of Flowers, Grandfather of Assassins, His Holy General Priest of Tyr, and the King of Corymr were talking. They ended up in an argument about whose followers were the toughest and most obedient. They all decided to find the best of their best and hold a tournament to see whos was most loyal.
Each of the four tried and tested their followers to see who was the most powerful and most loyal. At last they were all ready to compete. They met at the edge of a cliff. At the bottom of the 50' drop was a lake and in the lake were poisonous snakes, piranhas, and a dragon turtle. The only way out was to swim 200 yards across the lake, onto an island. The island was covered with lizard men and trolls. After passing through them, the followers would then have to enter a cave that led through a red dragons lair and would finally allow them to exit back near where they started.
Looking at his Royal Knight, the King of Cormyr said "Sir Knight, for the honor and glory of the kingdom I want you to cross that lake, and return here through the cave." Looking over the scene, the knight replied "I am sorry my lord, but that is sure death. I cannot do it."
Smiling, the Priest of Tyr turned to his paladin and said "You are the might of Tyr, most loyal and trust worthy follower. You know the task, accomplish it and receive the blessing of our Patron." Shaking his head slowly, the Paladin replied "I cannot do what you ask."
The Grandfather of Assasins asked one of his assassins to jummp, the man dove into a bush in a puff of smoke leaving a note "Ask me again, and we'll see who goes."
The Grandmaster of Flowers turned to his follower and said simply "Do it." Without so much as batting an eye, the Monk dove off the cliff and into the water. In a flash he was across the lake and entering the jungles on the island. As the group waited in anticipation, the heard a distant roar and flames came licking out the end of the cave. Shortly there after the brave young monk came running out, burned, battered and bleeding, but alive.
The Grandfather ran over and hugged the young monk. "Son" he said, "Truly you are the pride of all of the monastery. Ask for anything, anything at all and it is yours."
"All I want..." he replied, "...is to find out who the son-of-a-b**ch was that pushed me...."