How do you <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> of a Dwarf? Drink his Ale!
A dwarf walked into a bar, he walks up to the counter and can't see a **** thing because of the counter!
Dwarves were often known as the finest armorsmiths and weaponsmiths in the land. Quality and magical beyond
belief. Tell one just once that their armor looks like they stole it off of a dead goblin and see what happens!
Why do dwarves love to work in the mine? Would you want to stay home with a wife whose beard is better then yours?
Why did the dwarf quit being a server at the local tavern? Because everyone always thought he was a table that already had the drinks on it!
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jazz2kMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Took 8d6 in a landslide...
No Plane Shift from reality...
Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see!
I'm just a GF, I need no sympathy...
'Cause I'm easy come, easy go.
rollin' high, rollin' low,
Any way the die rolls
Doesn't really matter to me. To me...
Mama, Coup-de-Grace'd a man
Put a crossbow to his head,
Failed his Fort save, now he's dead.
Mama, CharGen had just begun...
Throw away my sheet at level 1!
Mama oOoh, Didn't mean to cast that die,
Natural 1, I won't be adventurin' tomorrow!
Carry on! Carry on, cause this PC didn't matter.
Too late, my init has come...
Shivering Touch rolls down my spine,
Dex damage aching all the time.
Mama, the game had just begun.
But now I've gone and thrown my books away.
I don't wanna die, I sometimes wish I'd never rolled stats at all!
I see a little silhouetto of a mage!
Saving throw! Saving throw! What is your Fortitude!?
Fireballs and lightning! Fear is very fright'ning to me!
Gary Gygax (Gary Gygax) Gary Gygax (Gary Gygax) Gary Gygax wrote em all! He wrote them aah-ah-ah-all.
I'm just a GF, nobody loves me.
He's just a GF, from a lawful family!
Spare his HP from this monstrosity!
Easy save, easy hit, will you let me roll?
Saving throw: NONE! We will not let you roll.
(Let him roll)
Saving throw: NONE! We will not let you roll.
(Let him roll)
Will not let you roll!
(Spell Resist)
Will not let you roll!
(come on let me ro-o-o-o-llll!)
Roll! Roll! Roll! Roll! Roll! Roll! Roll!
Oh Kord and Tempus, Kord and Tempus,, Kord and Tempus , let me roll!
Asmodeus has a Pit Fiend set aside for me!
For me! For ME!
[Perform: Guitar, Solo DC: 24]
So you think you can stop me with that No-Save-Just-Die!?
So you beat my resistance by rolling real high!?
Oh baby, party got me res'd baby!
Just gotta port out, gonna teleport outta here!
This campaign's really ending, Cats everywhere you see...
This campaign's really ending, (sigh)
This campaign really ending.. DC'd
Cause that's the way the dice roll...
A mage, the mightfull of his order;
a cleric, the favorite of his god;
a warrior, the skillest of gladiators;
and a rogue, the trickiest of his kind.
These 4 legends meet for the greatest of all challenges, on the edge of a cliff proposed by the king himself.
The king anounced:
The one that goes down this pit, over the deadly spiked reef, over this ocean full of Aboletes, over that marsh full of hidras, over that crypt inhabited by liches and vampires, into that cave with ancient dragons and come back throught the magic portal shall be rewarded with my daughters hand. I comand at least one of you to try.
Then the wizard said: i reckognize with my inteligence the greatness of this challenge and of its reward, but we mages live longer because we don't face danger without thinking, and i will not die like this. This challenge is a nonsense.
Then the cleric said: i foresee with my wisdom that the ascendance promoted by this quest is higher than my soul may bear, both for its difficulties as for the princess. However i serve the will of my belived god, and he would have pronounced if this was my destiny, i decline you honorable challenge.
Then suddely the warrior just jumped over the cliff, they heard the sound of his pain and battle as he advance through each of the monsters, all the way through all that. Everyone got astonished with his act, admired his bravery, his sudden jump into action without fear and his epic victory. They waited for him to return, and when he did his firsts words were: "MAY YOUR DAYS BE SHORT! **** YOU ROGUE! WHY DID YOU PUSHED ME DOWN THAT CLIFF!" But the rogue was already far away, and the princess was very ugly.
A Dwarf walks into a tavern, sits at a table with his 4 companions, bartender comes to order drinks.
The Dwarf orders: "gimme 5 beers"; to his friends:" what will u have boys?"
There was an adventurous wizard
Who ate an unusual lizard
But when he walked home
He turned into stone
Don't put basilisk into your gizzard
Gee... what a bird brain...
*sings* "I like Gammera! He's so neat!!! He is full of turtle meat!!!"
"Hah! You are doomed! You're only armed with that pathetic excuse for a musical instrument!!!" *the Savage Beast moments before Lonnehart the Bard used music to soothe him... then beat him to death with his Fat Lute*
Comments
A dwarf walked into a bar, he walks up to the counter and can't see a **** thing because of the counter!
Dwarves were often known as the finest armorsmiths and weaponsmiths in the land. Quality and magical beyond
belief. Tell one just once that their armor looks like they stole it off of a dead goblin and see what happens!
Why do dwarves love to work in the mine? Would you want to stay home with a wife whose beard is better then yours?
Why did the dwarf quit being a server at the local tavern? Because everyone always thought he was a table that already had the drinks on it!
Is this just fantasy?
Took 8d6 in a landslide...
No Plane Shift from reality...
Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see!
I'm just a GF, I need no sympathy...
'Cause I'm easy come, easy go.
rollin' high, rollin' low,
Any way the die rolls
Doesn't really matter to me. To me...
Mama, Coup-de-Grace'd a man
Put a crossbow to his head,
Failed his Fort save, now he's dead.
Mama, CharGen had just begun...
Throw away my sheet at level 1!
Mama oOoh, Didn't mean to cast that die,
Natural 1, I won't be adventurin' tomorrow!
Carry on! Carry on, cause this PC didn't matter.
Too late, my init has come...
Shivering Touch rolls down my spine,
Dex damage aching all the time.
Mama, the game had just begun.
But now I've gone and thrown my books away.
I don't wanna die, I sometimes wish I'd never rolled stats at all!
I see a little silhouetto of a mage!
Saving throw! Saving throw! What is your Fortitude!?
Fireballs and lightning! Fear is very fright'ning to me!
Gary Gygax (Gary Gygax) Gary Gygax (Gary Gygax) Gary Gygax wrote em all! He wrote them aah-ah-ah-all.
I'm just a GF, nobody loves me.
He's just a GF, from a lawful family!
Spare his HP from this monstrosity!
Easy save, easy hit, will you let me roll?
Saving throw: NONE! We will not let you roll.
(Let him roll)
Saving throw: NONE! We will not let you roll.
(Let him roll)
Will not let you roll!
(Spell Resist)
Will not let you roll!
(come on let me ro-o-o-o-llll!)
Roll! Roll! Roll! Roll! Roll! Roll! Roll!
Oh Kord and Tempus, Kord and Tempus,, Kord and Tempus , let me roll!
Asmodeus has a Pit Fiend set aside for me!
For me! For ME!
[Perform: Guitar, Solo DC: 24]
So you think you can stop me with that No-Save-Just-Die!?
So you beat my resistance by rolling real high!?
Oh baby, party got me res'd baby!
Just gotta port out, gonna teleport outta here!
This campaign's really ending, Cats everywhere you see...
This campaign's really ending, (sigh)
This campaign really ending.. DC'd
Cause that's the way the dice roll...
Gesundheit...
Guild Founder: Sorry, you still cant access the guild bank.
Guild Recruit: Why? What happened? Please tell me.
Guild Founder: You'll just have to wait, and don't start that Parry Hotter line.
Guild Recruit: I did my waiting!
Guild Founder: Here we go again.
Guild Recruit: 12 years of it!
Guild Founder: Every time.
Guild Recruit: In Azkaban!
(Notification: You have been kicked from a guild.)
"a human walks into a bar... roll for damage"
yo mamas so fat, she gives everyone concealment...
yo mamas so ugly, not even a crit can save her...
yo mama so fat, you need a climbers kit to mount her....
yo mama so hairy, they mistake her for a shifter...
what do you get when you mix a Goliath and a half-Orc? yo mama on a nice day
yo mama's such a wench, they call her tiefling, kuz she's horny all the time
yo mamas so fat, She gota roll an athletics check for breathing...
lol xD
Where do you think he gets the knucklehead trout to make scrimshaws with? :P
a cleric, the favorite of his god;
a warrior, the skillest of gladiators;
and a rogue, the trickiest of his kind.
These 4 legends meet for the greatest of all challenges, on the edge of a cliff proposed by the king himself.
The king anounced:
The one that goes down this pit, over the deadly spiked reef, over this ocean full of Aboletes, over that marsh full of hidras, over that crypt inhabited by liches and vampires, into that cave with ancient dragons and come back throught the magic portal shall be rewarded with my daughters hand. I comand at least one of you to try.
Then the wizard said: i reckognize with my inteligence the greatness of this challenge and of its reward, but we mages live longer because we don't face danger without thinking, and i will not die like this. This challenge is a nonsense.
Then the cleric said: i foresee with my wisdom that the ascendance promoted by this quest is higher than my soul may bear, both for its difficulties as for the princess. However i serve the will of my belived god, and he would have pronounced if this was my destiny, i decline you honorable challenge.
Then suddely the warrior just jumped over the cliff, they heard the sound of his pain and battle as he advance through each of the monsters, all the way through all that. Everyone got astonished with his act, admired his bravery, his sudden jump into action without fear and his epic victory. They waited for him to return, and when he did his firsts words were: "MAY YOUR DAYS BE SHORT! **** YOU ROGUE! WHY DID YOU PUSHED ME DOWN THAT CLIFF!" But the rogue was already far away, and the princess was very ugly.
Bard see's a Dwarf walking, asks kindly for some spare coin? dwarf replies...you must me lute-acris
tu dum tsss
beacuse he can already see the hangover in the glass.
kissing his mother.
"Wow its dead tonight"
2, because 2 halves make a hole.
"And now, I, Maalkator the Amazing will dazzle you! BEHOLD....er."
- What Class Are You? -
The Dwarf orders: "gimme 5 beers"; to his friends:" what will u have boys?"
Who ate an unusual lizard
But when he walked home
He turned into stone
Don't put basilisk into your gizzard
rogue says to the GWF: "Wow why areyou so huge?!"
GFW answers: "Because, that scared my foes and i blow them up much faster!"
Rogue Laughs "hahahaha yea right im so fast, my daggers so sharp i kill alot better than you"
The GWF accepted the challenge,
The rogue started throwing daggers at a target point * all right in the middle*
The GFW Laughs "hahaha do you call that killing? you throw like a women"
The GWF charges at the target point and jumps, slices it in half,
so.. Says the GWF that is called killing?!!
The rogue stays calm and says: "u want to know what killing is?" he runs at the GWF jumps over him and stabs him in the head,
Laughing the Rogue says to him selfs "haha i dont know what kiling is?, look who's dead now"
........
5 minutes later GWF turn into a rotter "ME EAT YOU BRAINZZ..."
rogue wants to finish him off, so he starts running at the rotter and slips ..... WHEEZZ.. BOOOM.... OUCH... NOOOO... GET AWAY!!.. AARRGHH...
Now the rogue was killed by a rotter... "Me Eat You Brainzzz Rogue Cant Kill Hunger!"
Gee... what a bird brain...
"Hah! You are doomed! You're only armed with that pathetic excuse for a musical instrument!!!" *the Savage Beast moments before Lonnehart the Bard used music to soothe him... then beat him to death with his Fat Lute*
Why did the Dungeon Master cross the road? To get the the 20th side! badumdumtish!
A warrior a rogue and a cleric walk into a bard...the bard rolls a natural 20 and they all fall down dead. badumdumtish!
What do you get when you cross a dragon, a cockatrice and a beholder? Hit below armor class 0!!! badumdumtish!
"Saying 'Everything is fine as is.' in the MMO world is like holding your breath. Eventually you die from lack of common sense."
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