''Dear players, you don't need injury kits. Your injuries will heal within 3 days after you respawn. But MAKE SURE your last savepoint wasn't in a cave. Seriously."
Rogue : are you going to pull yet?
Tank : yea one sec let me roll. I just need a six
Rogue : whaaa?
Tank : DANG IT A TWO!
Rogue : just run in there dude.
Tank : I CAN'T! IM SNARED TO TWO SECONDS!
Over the course of 3 nights playing a tabletop with my brother, dad, and girlfriend, I dedicated my time to creating "Dil, the Overwhelmingly Optimistic". Dil is a half-orc/half-dwarf (or "Dork" if you will) Sorcerer who multiclassed into a Useless Mage by level 2, granting the power to charge my weapon with static electricity for a round (deals 0 additional damage, creates a slightly-irritating feeling in target for .001 seconds), squirt water into my foes face to provoke a punch in the face from the target (will save 14), and summon a grue. With these powers at my disposal, we charged heroically into battle whereupon I fumbled my attack roll, tripped my brother's character, and we both got 4 attacks of opportunity against us for a resounding defeat at the hands of goblins.
I hereby wish to add "Dork" as an official race, and useless mage as a class.
Dork... nice- but trying to imagine what that would look like only rolls a whole lot of ugly. And they should put it in!
Hello, I'm a trickster rogue and I'm here to steal your heart
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councilscribeMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy prays to his god. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The god says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a bow twang is heard. The guy says "OK, now what?
When the developers of NWO over at Cryptic sit down to have a nice conversation on boss mechanics they first pull out the drawing board and then write moar adds. FIN.
HAHAHA!!!!!!
Also partial to mahisha1
""You know the world's going to hell when most of the people fighting the spell plague can't even spell 'plague'."
Fist on desk freaking hilarious!
Bro #1:"We killed the dragon! We killed the Dragon! We ... we're never going to have girlfriends, are we?"
Bro #2: "Don't look so down dude. At least Sarah's playing with us again."
Bro #1: "Yeah but she hasn't passed on a single rare. She can't even use half of them."
Bro #2: I have a two-part question. a) Are you kidding me? and 2) Are you freaking kidding me!? I'd be really mad if she wasn't a girl."
Bro #1: *sigh* "You're right, man I don't get women."
Bro #2: "Dude, don't try to understand girls. Women understand women and they hate each other."
Sarah: "What are you guys talking about?"
Bro #1: "Nothing, we we're just saying how awesome it is that we killed that dragon."
Sarah: "Yeah, but I did most of the work. You guys really might want to improve your gear."
Bros: -facepalm-
Bro #2: "And maybe after that we can take an Ariel tour of Neverwinter on your flying pig!"
Sarah: My mount's an Inferno Nightmare not a boar...
Bro #2: -facepalm- Yup of course it is.
Bro #1: Dude you might as well give up. It's like trying to make a pile of water. It's just not gonna happen..."
Sarah: "You guys keep mubeling stuff and I can't hea... Oh wow this kobold just dropped this +11 Vorpal God's Sword."
Bros: "And esc... and exit."
These guys should write for big bang theory~ bravo
This has been fun - my lil joke back on page 27 wont win - but still totally worth the time. Some really creative people here. Hope you do more like this.
So i took a Job last week from that Rhix guy to clear out this old crypt for 3000 astral diamonds, thinking easy money i went forth to with the first 5 adventures i could slap together thinking to make a fortune off the little kobalt and his consort. When we got to the crypt it was infested with Devil's and imps and all manner of terrible creatures, persevering we managed to slay the devils the imps and the undead that infested the place only to find out that a mad green dragon was at the core of the place, getting set to take on the mad dragon, we 5 adventures stepped forth into the the beasts lair only to have 2 companions vanish into the ether, now us 3 brave souls faced the dragon and its army of Hell Casters, and imps, after many close calls we managed to finally defeat the mad dragon, going my own way back to town i stepped forth to Rhix to Negotiate new terms for my reward given the increased difficulty and the lack of information of the assignment, Rhix told me to talk to his consort for she handles all the big ticket negotations, her response was . spend astral diamonds, after repeating the same thing over and over at me for what felt like hours i gave up as i walked around the corner Rhix goes, Works every time
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bullzeye701Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 11Arc User
edited May 2013
3 Clerics were discussing their piety, trying to decide who was the most devout.
The Cleric for Pelor drew a circle in the dirt and said, "Pelor knows how expensive armor and weaponry is for our Knights, but he also knows I have needs. So, I'll throw the offerings in the air, whatever lands in the circle goes toward his work and whatever lands outside the circle goes toward my needs."
The Cleric of Selune, not to be outdone, says," Selune understands balance. So Whatever lands OUTSIDE the circle goes to her. Anything inside the circle is for my needs."
The last Cleric, a Dwarven Cleric of Moradin says, "Well, Moradin knows how thirsty we get spreading his glory. So, I'll throw the offering into the air, and whatever Moradin wants, he keeps. The rest is for our grog."
A dwarf walks into a tavern and orders 3 mugs of Dwarven Ale. He then proceeds to drink a sip from each mug until all the mugs are empty. The Tavern-keep asks why he drinks his ale in such a peculiar manner. The dwarf replies, "I have two brothers. We live in different parts of the world and are unable to drink together each night. So, my brothers and I do this so it is as if we are drinking together."
After completing this routine for six and a half years, the dwarf walks in one evening with a grimace on his face and orders only two mugs of Dwarven Ale. The Tavern-keep, deeply concerned, asks the dwarf, "What is wrong? Did one of your brothers die?" The Dwarf replies, "No, I just quit drinking!"
A half-orc barbarian, a halfling rogue, and a human druid leave from camp separately and each walk into an identical circular room. In the middle of the room is a plaque that says "The first one back to camp will win a great reward". The room is full of hammers, rope, crowbars..general adventuring equipment. The walls are stone, there is a single skylight ten feet above them, but no door other than the one they came in.
The orc grabs a sledgehammer and uses his mighty strength to slowly chip away at the stone wall, eventually breaking his way free. He begins to walk back to the camp, certain he got out the fastest. He is about 30 feet away from the camp when he spots the halfling rogue ahead of him.
"I knew I could just wait here for you because of course I was the first one out! I broke the skylight with a brick, used a grappling hook, then climbed to freedom. None of you would be even close to as fast as me so I waited here, so you could see me rush to victory!"
The orc bellowed in anger at the halfings cruel taunt and began to run, though he knew there was no way he could beat the halfling there. The halfling runs into the camp and his jaw drops. The orc runs into the camp and his jaw drops. To their dismay the druid is already in the camp!
"How did you get out so fast?" The halfling cried. "Did you take bird form and fly out the skylight?"
"How did you get here so fast?" the orc cried. Did you take bear form and did your way out?"
The druid calmly replied, "No, I just walked baout out the door I came in"
Thats my friends is the difference between strength, intelligence, and wisdom.
So a phase spider warps into a bar and the bartender asks, "Whats you poison?" The phase spider says Type F.
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darkfather69Member, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 6Arc User
edited May 2013
Not a joke, but what happened during a D&D session... back before most of you were even born.
It's early 1990's. Sitting around the table are 6 people. Myself, the DM, and 5 players, inclusive of my wife and nephew and 3 others. The party consisted of medium->high level characters (for the day). As part of the game the PC's (told you this was back in the day) had to defend a town from a small clutch of Red Dragons. The group entered the Dragons lair and proceeded to work their way through encounter after encounter with hatchlings, young dragons, and their ilk. Finding quite nice treasures along the way, including the Barbarian finding a Ring of 3 Godly Wishes (in hindsight - knowing the player and the history of the Barbarian [He suffered a near fatal head wound and was left not much more than a vegetable {Int = 3}]. It was probably not the character to let keep the item.).
Eventually they stumble upon the main cavern and find the patriarch female dragon and her... protectors, middle aged dragons. The battle ensues. Characters and dragon corpses lay strewn about the field of battle. The Cleric, the Fighter, and the Magic-User lay mortally wounded. The Rogue and the Barbarian barely still alive manage to take down the Patriarch Dragon. Perusing the carnage the Barbarian (my Wife) gives me 'a look' which at the time had me perplexed. Then she proudly says in a loud voice....
"Duh that was too easy. I WISH we could have that battle again."
Suffice to say, the party was killed outright. Character sheets and expletives flew about the gaming table and it took quite a few months before anyone would play D&D again. Oh and NO-ONE allowed my wife to run any character with an Int lower than 12... EVER!
One night 3 rogues and guardian fighter are out drinking.As the time passes, the drinks are flowing and everyone is having a good time.Eventually everyone decides it's time to head out. Walking out of the tavernthey see a rather intimidating group of bandits looking for some easy money.The guardian grabs his sword and shield and calls out to his friends saying,"We can't take them, but you run and I'll hold them off!" Lookingback he realizes that 2 of the rogues are already running down the street, mostlikely before he even spoke, but a smile creeps up as he sees Cryp-tic (thethird rogue) standing next to him. He looks at her and says, "Thank youfor staying, we will do this together." "Right then the other roguescall back to her asking why she isn't running with them. (Snip) As she turnsand runs, Fervent, our guardian friend here hears her say, "He's toughenough to hold them for several minutes, and it only took seconds to get hiscoin purse!"
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ufpdudeMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 4Arc User
edited May 2013
Why did Deekin Scalesinger start using Rogaine? Because he knows what it's like to "kobold" !!
this like my stand up session What do call a woman who always get what she wants?
A Control Wizard.
I date Control Wizard once every time we walk where there was hot girls. she would always CCed them.
the worst was the trickster rogue I dated. she would disappear on me when I need help. this trick here. she sneaky too.
she like hide in the shadows to see if I talk to other women. I haven't given up on love tho. I found it once at a auction house she wanted 1,000,000 Astral Diamond Ring. but my last girlfriend was a Beholder. I hated her.
She always says: beauty is in eye of the beholder so I poke them all out.
Why do dwarves have such big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers!
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willb53Member, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
Mother Dragon to her young as a Knight attacks, " Look your favorite snack. Crunchy on the outside with a moist and chewy center".
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malveelMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
Waterdeep, late at night.
An Elf enters a tavern, goes straight to the barkeeper and orders a drink.
As he takes his first sip he realizes he ended up in a 'dwarfen' bar. So he wants to leave. But a dwarf blocks his way and says: "Before you can go we play a game of dice." The Elf answers: "Ok, what are the rules?" - "If you roll a 1, 2, 3, 4, or a 5 you will get a punch in the face." - "And if i roll a 6?" - "Then you get to roll again."
Q: What do you call a half-orc with freckles? A: Ad-orc-able.
Q: How many gnomes does it take to change a candle in NeverWinter? A: ...
'Bout time someone stood up for us Gnomes, we're tired of getting the short end of the stick, its just blatant discrimination that we have been excluded from this game, i mean really, how low can you go ??
Have they not heard that ancient gnome saying, there's no race like Gnome ??? and furthermore if we hadn't invented it there'd be no bloomin candle to light, talk about ungrateful, its enought to give you apoplexy !!!!
but on a lighter note ;- seen in a game guild ad
Minions of Lolth is a friendly and fun bunch ............ (sorry guys, but it banged my funny bone)
Comments
Sincerely, Jesus Christ.
Oh, look, he is charging some power. And you are on its range.
Wouldn't it be a shame...
if your stamina...
wasn't enough to deflect it?
"Welcome to the Neverwinter ManyCoins Bank!
We don't accept gold, but we'll keep your junk :cool:"
Tank : yea one sec let me roll. I just need a six
Rogue : whaaa?
Tank : DANG IT A TWO!
Rogue : just run in there dude.
Tank : I CAN'T! IM SNARED TO TWO SECONDS!
You can't
Want to know the secret to finding beautiful orcish women?
Dwarven Ale
3 Halfings walk into a bar
The human steps over it
Why do dwarves drink so much?
Look at their women.
I wanted to come up with a "Brace yourself, Neverwinter is coming" joke but I'm sure its been made already.
Dork... nice- but trying to imagine what that would look like only rolls a whole lot of ugly. And they should put it in!
HAHAHA!!!!!!
Also partial to mahisha1
""You know the world's going to hell when most of the people fighting the spell plague can't even spell 'plague'."
Fist on desk freaking hilarious!
These guys should write for big bang theory~ bravo
This has been fun - my lil joke back on page 27 wont win - but still totally worth the time. Some really creative people here. Hope you do more like this.
The Cleric for Pelor drew a circle in the dirt and said, "Pelor knows how expensive armor and weaponry is for our Knights, but he also knows I have needs. So, I'll throw the offerings in the air, whatever lands in the circle goes toward his work and whatever lands outside the circle goes toward my needs."
The Cleric of Selune, not to be outdone, says," Selune understands balance. So Whatever lands OUTSIDE the circle goes to her. Anything inside the circle is for my needs."
The last Cleric, a Dwarven Cleric of Moradin says, "Well, Moradin knows how thirsty we get spreading his glory. So, I'll throw the offering into the air, and whatever Moradin wants, he keeps. The rest is for our grog."
Because its Neverwinter!
After completing this routine for six and a half years, the dwarf walks in one evening with a grimace on his face and orders only two mugs of Dwarven Ale. The Tavern-keep, deeply concerned, asks the dwarf, "What is wrong? Did one of your brothers die?" The Dwarf replies, "No, I just quit drinking!"
Imagine that, a Dwarf who doesn't drink, LOL!
The orc grabs a sledgehammer and uses his mighty strength to slowly chip away at the stone wall, eventually breaking his way free. He begins to walk back to the camp, certain he got out the fastest. He is about 30 feet away from the camp when he spots the halfling rogue ahead of him.
"I knew I could just wait here for you because of course I was the first one out! I broke the skylight with a brick, used a grappling hook, then climbed to freedom. None of you would be even close to as fast as me so I waited here, so you could see me rush to victory!"
The orc bellowed in anger at the halfings cruel taunt and began to run, though he knew there was no way he could beat the halfling there. The halfling runs into the camp and his jaw drops. The orc runs into the camp and his jaw drops. To their dismay the druid is already in the camp!
"How did you get out so fast?" The halfling cried. "Did you take bird form and fly out the skylight?"
"How did you get here so fast?" the orc cried. Did you take bear form and did your way out?"
The druid calmly replied, "No, I just walked baout out the door I came in"
Thats my friends is the difference between strength, intelligence, and wisdom.
It's early 1990's. Sitting around the table are 6 people. Myself, the DM, and 5 players, inclusive of my wife and nephew and 3 others. The party consisted of medium->high level characters (for the day). As part of the game the PC's (told you this was back in the day) had to defend a town from a small clutch of Red Dragons. The group entered the Dragons lair and proceeded to work their way through encounter after encounter with hatchlings, young dragons, and their ilk. Finding quite nice treasures along the way, including the Barbarian finding a Ring of 3 Godly Wishes (in hindsight - knowing the player and the history of the Barbarian [He suffered a near fatal head wound and was left not much more than a vegetable {Int = 3}]. It was probably not the character to let keep the item.).
Eventually they stumble upon the main cavern and find the patriarch female dragon and her... protectors, middle aged dragons. The battle ensues. Characters and dragon corpses lay strewn about the field of battle. The Cleric, the Fighter, and the Magic-User lay mortally wounded. The Rogue and the Barbarian barely still alive manage to take down the Patriarch Dragon. Perusing the carnage the Barbarian (my Wife) gives me 'a look' which at the time had me perplexed. Then she proudly says in a loud voice....
"Duh that was too easy. I WISH we could have that battle again."
Suffice to say, the party was killed outright. Character sheets and expletives flew about the gaming table and it took quite a few months before anyone would play D&D again. Oh and NO-ONE allowed my wife to run any character with an Int lower than 12... EVER!
A Control Wizard.
I date Control Wizard once every time we walk where there was hot girls. she would always CCed them.
the worst was the trickster rogue I dated. she would disappear on me when I need help. this trick here. she sneaky too.
she like hide in the shadows to see if I talk to other women. I haven't given up on love tho. I found it once at a auction house she wanted 1,000,000 Astral Diamond Ring. but my last girlfriend was a Beholder. I hated her.
She always says: beauty is in eye of the beholder so I poke them all out.
She heard beauty was in the eye of the beholder...
Because they have big fingers!
An Elf enters a tavern, goes straight to the barkeeper and orders a drink.
As he takes his first sip he realizes he ended up in a 'dwarfen' bar. So he wants to leave. But a dwarf blocks his way and says: "Before you can go we play a game of dice." The Elf answers: "Ok, what are the rules?" - "If you roll a 1, 2, 3, 4, or a 5 you will get a punch in the face." - "And if i roll a 6?" - "Then you get to roll again."
Congratulations!!!!
You are now all king's men and thank you for volunteering.
Behind on the right is all of your weapons and armor.
The fight is down the corridor to your left.
'Bout time someone stood up for us Gnomes, we're tired of getting the short end of the stick, its just blatant discrimination that we have been excluded from this game, i mean really, how low can you go ??
Have they not heard that ancient gnome saying, there's no race like Gnome ??? and furthermore if we hadn't invented it there'd be no bloomin candle to light, talk about ungrateful, its enought to give you apoplexy !!!!
but on a lighter note ;- seen in a game guild ad
Minions of Lolth is a friendly and fun bunch ............ (sorry guys, but it banged my funny bone)
http://nw-forum.perfectworld.com/images/smilies/biggrin.png http://nw-forum.perfectworld.com/images/smilies/biggrin.png http://nw-forum.perfectworld.com/images/smilies/biggrin.png
Troll 1:"What do you do if ya see a dwarf with 10 helmets on his head?"
Troll 2:"I dunno"
Troll 1:"Punch him in the GUTS!"