A wizard is up late, studying musty old tomes to enhance his understanding of magic when he hears a knocking at the door. When he answers it, much to his surprise, it's an Illithid. the Illithid says to him, "Your devotion to your craft has caught our attention. Do you have a few minutes to talk about the Collective?" to which the wizard immediately says "No!" and slams the door shut. The Illithid stares a little harder and asks, "Are you sure?" The wizard opens the door and says, "No, I'm part of the collective."
A warrior comes home from a long day of travelling with a duck under his arm. His wife yells, "Where have you been? Have you been stepping out on me?" The warrior replies, "No; see, this is the dragon I've been tousling with." His wife stared blankly at him for a moment and says, "That's a duck," to which the warrior replies, "I was talking to the duck."
Your mother's INT modifier is so low, she thinks a seer is someone who isn't blind.
Your mother's CHA modifier is so low, the local match maker couldn't pair her with an oger.
Q: What's the biggest joke in D&D?
A: Fourth Edition.
A DM truly does have all the power in the world; he can stop ALL of the fun the players are having with three little words; "Roll for initiative."
A warrior and a rogue are exploring a dragon's lair. The rogue asks, "Have you ever heard the expression 'like a dwarf in a tinkerer's shop?'" The warrior says, "No," so the rogue explains; "It's a lot like a bull in a crystal shop, only the dwarf can possibly destroy the city if he stumbles around too much." The warrior asks, "Why bring that up now?" The rogue says, "Because I thought it was amusing; and you just stepped on a pressure plate designed to keep the dragon in."
A depressed mindflayer walks up to a goblin. "Hey Bill. How are you?" the mindflayer asks.
"I'm having a great day! Thanks for asking!" the goblin responds happily. "And you?"
The mindflayer glares at the goblin and grumbles, "How do you think?"
After staring at each other for a few moments, the goblin finally answers, "How should I know? I'm not a mind reader."
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violentj9805Member, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
what do you call a cleric that wont heal you ? ...... whatever you want if he's not doing his job
Okay, some dwarfey jokes again, no insult intended
1. A dwarf walks into a bar... but it was an iron bar -ouch-
2. What do you call a dwarf in an elven forest? A prisoner
3. A rogue, an ogre and a dwarf come upon a magic pool whilst venturing trough an enchanted forest. A little sign says: This here pool is magic, make a wish before you dive in and it will be granted.
So the Dwarf makes a run for it, yelling :"goollldddd" and he lands in a pool of gold. The rogue pulls him out a 100 kilo's heavier and says: "my turn". The rogue also makes a run, yells: "Eternal stealth", lands in the pool and vanishes.
The ogre, crude as he is, starts to run even before he knows if the rogue is out. So nearly at the pool, the rogue taps the ogre on the shoulder and says: "BOOOO!" The ogre lands in the pool, yelling:"holy cr*p!" :P
Everyone thinks that halflings are the best thieves... they have obviously never tried to get a dwarf's permission to search his beard for stolen goods!
My dwarf friend is a master of camouflage and assassination - he dyed his hair and beard green. Now all he has to do is stand still and people mistake him for a bush.
The final boss at the end of all the campaigns and quests in the whole of D&D, after defeating Demons, Devils, and Gods, is...
CHUCK NORRIS!!!!
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jtmiles86Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
Okay, so i don't know if anyone has said this yet but here we go this is about how the fight started today.
"So there i was in a carriage heading for Helm's Hold. When I accidentally rear ended another carriage. So now I am already late for my time to go dungeon diving with my party, but now I have to deal with who ever is in the carriage i hit..... So i am sitting there thinking to myself maybe they will be a good guy/girl not worry to much about it.... That's when I see them get out... It was a Dwarf. Now I know they tend to be on the angry side, so I wanted to play it cool and keep us calm.
He comes running up to my carriage and says " You know I am not Happy!"..... So I looked down at him and asked "Which one are you?"... and that's how the fight started....
I don't remember all of the names of the checks one has to make on some events, sorry for that. But here's what happened:
We were playing DND Star Trek edition one night, fights were in the air and our party was heavily attacked. We ran for cover... and ended up at an half-collapsed elevator shaft, which was like 30 metres deep, as the GM told us.
We had to make a save or stumble into the shaft and fall down...
First person in party rolls... a 3! So, she falls into the shaft and hangs on a crooked beam on by her fingers...
Second person wants to save her... rolls a 1 and ends up hanging on her leg... because the first person rolled a better number on the check trying to grasp her
3rd person rolls a 2, pulls the other 2 down and now ends up with 2 people hanging from each leg...
One would think 4th party member has more luck... but no... he rolls a 2 as well and ends up upside down, hanging on his feet to one of the elevator's cables.
Finally, the last person, who had a +5 on all saves, rolls a 10 and "saves" the day :P
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tredoMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
I'm not sure where the NPC's came from in Neverwinter, but the last one that attacked me, told me to "take an arrow to the knee"... that kind of gave it away!
Control Mages who use Entangling Force in the graveyard should get extra experience and loot, because they are "boning up" on their skill.
The party leader says: "We need to take this monster down, but it's sure to kill at least one of us. Who wants to go first"? The Trickster Rogue says: "I'll take a stab at it"................
Want to win a Neverwinter "Party Time" shirt, a Logitech G400 gaming mouse, or even a Logitech G19 gaming keyboard? It's easy! Tell us your best Neverwinter or Dungeons & Dragons joke and/or pun and you could be a lucky winner!
Contest begins: May 24, 2013 at 12:00 P.M. PDT (Pacific) Contest ends: May 28, 2013 at 12:00 P.M. PDT (Pacific)
Submit your entries in this thread to qualify!
Just to start off with the most usual question of these things (as not stated on the rule page): Are we Europeans eligible to the physical prizes (mouse, keyboard, tee) of the contest?
When I showed my gf the Neverwinter game (she's quite fond of the whole lore involved, specially halflings and dragons), the foundry popped up. She asks "Is that where your wizard does her cooking for potions and stuff?"
(my look was Oo)
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swagpaysmybillsMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 9Arc User
A warrior, ranger, cleric, and rogue all are on an adventure together. Digging deeper and lower into an undead crypt.
Right before the boss fight after long hours of fighting their undead counterparts a pit shows before the group.
Not only is it a pit but looks like its full of shiny gems and gear!
The ranger is the first to speak "that pit looks rather unsafe."
Then the warrior " Lets press through and...."
Before the warrior could finish out jumps the rogue into the pit.
What did he find but a pit full of gem encrusted spikes!
With the rogues' last gasp of breath he ask for a heal.
Cleric reaches for his holy symbol to resurrect the fallen rogue only to find it is missing!
The group searches for it then the ranger notices something falling out of the rogues' backpack in the pit.
The ranger points and says " umm i'm pretty sure that's what we are looking for."
Group looks at each other and says one thing before they continue on their way.
"Sure glad we didn't bring that rogue along." Lol
~Lesson of this joke never turn your back on a rogue its in their nature to pickpocket, steal, and jump into pits even if they have treasure or not. They can't help it ROFL~
-edit Thanks zellrainbow for catching my spelling errors~
Comments
Because he had no body to go with
Sir, I think you will find you've been disarmed
Your mother's CHA modifier is so low, the local match maker couldn't pair her with an oger.
Q: What's the biggest joke in D&D?
A: Fourth Edition.
A DM truly does have all the power in the world; he can stop ALL of the fun the players are having with three little words; "Roll for initiative."
A warrior and a rogue are exploring a dragon's lair. The rogue asks, "Have you ever heard the expression 'like a dwarf in a tinkerer's shop?'" The warrior says, "No," so the rogue explains; "It's a lot like a bull in a crystal shop, only the dwarf can possibly destroy the city if he stumbles around too much." The warrior asks, "Why bring that up now?" The rogue says, "Because I thought it was amusing; and you just stepped on a pressure plate designed to keep the dragon in."
"I'm having a great day! Thanks for asking!" the goblin responds happily. "And you?"
The mindflayer glares at the goblin and grumbles, "How do you think?"
After staring at each other for a few moments, the goblin finally answers, "How should I know? I'm not a mind reader."
1. A dwarf walks into a bar... but it was an iron bar -ouch-
2. What do you call a dwarf in an elven forest? A prisoner
3. A rogue, an ogre and a dwarf come upon a magic pool whilst venturing trough an enchanted forest. A little sign says: This here pool is magic, make a wish before you dive in and it will be granted.
So the Dwarf makes a run for it, yelling :"goollldddd" and he lands in a pool of gold. The rogue pulls him out a 100 kilo's heavier and says: "my turn". The rogue also makes a run, yells: "Eternal stealth", lands in the pool and vanishes.
The ogre, crude as he is, starts to run even before he knows if the rogue is out. So nearly at the pool, the rogue taps the ogre on the shoulder and says: "BOOOO!" The ogre lands in the pool, yelling:"holy cr*p!" :P
""Sword Coasters OFC"" mark this line
My dwarf friend is a master of camouflage and assassination - he dyed his hair and beard green. Now all he has to do is stand still and people mistake him for a bush.
CHUCK NORRIS!!!!
"So there i was in a carriage heading for Helm's Hold. When I accidentally rear ended another carriage. So now I am already late for my time to go dungeon diving with my party, but now I have to deal with who ever is in the carriage i hit..... So i am sitting there thinking to myself maybe they will be a good guy/girl not worry to much about it.... That's when I see them get out... It was a Dwarf. Now I know they tend to be on the angry side, so I wanted to play it cool and keep us calm.
He comes running up to my carriage and says " You know I am not Happy!"..... So I looked down at him and asked "Which one are you?"... and that's how the fight started....
We were playing DND Star Trek edition one night, fights were in the air and our party was heavily attacked. We ran for cover... and ended up at an half-collapsed elevator shaft, which was like 30 metres deep, as the GM told us.
We had to make a save or stumble into the shaft and fall down...
First person in party rolls... a 3! So, she falls into the shaft and hangs on a crooked beam on by her fingers...
Second person wants to save her... rolls a 1 and ends up hanging on her leg... because the first person rolled a better number on the check trying to grasp her
3rd person rolls a 2, pulls the other 2 down and now ends up with 2 people hanging from each leg...
One would think 4th party member has more luck... but no... he rolls a 2 as well and ends up upside down, hanging on his feet to one of the elevator's cables.
Finally, the last person, who had a +5 on all saves, rolls a 10 and "saves" the day :P
I hear music
That makes me know
There's somebody somewhere...
Satisfaction
Came in the chain reaction, do you hear?
I couldn't mute that stuff
So I had to self destruct
The heat was on
Rising to the top
Everybody's goin' strong
That is when my spark got hot
I saw the title flash again
Burn baby burn, freakin' inferno mount, baby...
What a nightmare."
Play on: THE TRAMMPS - DISCO INFERNO
The party leader says: "We need to take this monster down, but it's sure to kill at least one of us. Who wants to go first"? The Trickster Rogue says: "I'll take a stab at it"................
Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?"
I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend."
He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?"
I said, "No, she's an optician
Just to start off with the most usual question of these things (as not stated on the rule page): Are we Europeans eligible to the physical prizes (mouse, keyboard, tee) of the contest?
When I showed my gf the Neverwinter game (she's quite fond of the whole lore involved, specially halflings and dragons), the foundry popped up. She asks "Is that where your wizard does her cooking for potions and stuff?"
Neverwinter called a MMO and a beta.
Right before the boss fight after long hours of fighting their undead counterparts a pit shows before the group.
Not only is it a pit but looks like its full of shiny gems and gear!
The ranger is the first to speak "that pit looks rather unsafe."
Then the warrior " Lets press through and...."
Before the warrior could finish out jumps the rogue into the pit.
What did he find but a pit full of gem encrusted spikes!
With the rogues' last gasp of breath he ask for a heal.
Cleric reaches for his holy symbol to resurrect the fallen rogue only to find it is missing!
The group searches for it then the ranger notices something falling out of the rogues' backpack in the pit.
The ranger points and says " umm i'm pretty sure that's what we are looking for."
Group looks at each other and says one thing before they continue on their way.
"Sure glad we didn't bring that rogue along." Lol
~Lesson of this joke never turn your back on a rogue its in their nature to pickpocket, steal, and jump into pits even if they have treasure or not. They can't help it ROFL~
-edit Thanks zellrainbow for catching my spelling errors~