How do you get a bar full of Dwarves up on the roof?
Yell "drinks on the house!"
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katastrophe2005Member, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
The rest of the party lay before me, beaten and near death. I could tell this was going to be the end for us.
"This boss is impossible!" the tank said as he was thrown across the room directly after pulling aggro and then immediately losing it...
"Come on guys! Stand still for just a second and I can heal you!" the cleric said as the boss dealt him the final blow.
The weapon fighter groaned in agony...he ate it before the fight even started.
"Really?!...Immune to ice? Have fun with this one guys, I'm out" the wizard said as he was taken down by a junk mob.
I knew at that very moment what I had to do... I rolled need on the green item that dropped, stealthed, and rolled out of combat... "Fear not my comrades...You're sacrifice will not be in vain!" *leaves the party*
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tonysinMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
There was a wizard and a barbarian in front of a door and the barbarian is about to smash it suddenly the wizard shouts: ''Wait dear friend the door has a <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font>'' and the barbarian responds: ''You talk with riddles wizard'' and he smashes the door
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thewalattMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 19Arc User
edited May 2013
It was my first Epic on my 60 Cleric and we decided to conquer Cragmire Crypts, all was going well, but then we came across the pits of spikes, I see the enemy on the other side and thinking i could push him off the bridge with my Divine Sun Burst I run forward , but I missed and lost my footing, as i plunged into the pit of pointy death one sound escaped my mouth, it was the highest and least manly of "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" ever heard, and the worst part is, my guildmate recorded the whole thing.
A group of adventurers consisting of a dwarf guardian fighter, elf control wizard, half elf dedicated cleric and a half orc great weapon fighter come out of the woods to find a female half orc out in the middle of the meadow attempting unsuccessfully to row a canoe.
The half orc in the party begins to mumble and grunt, clearly agitated.
The cleric, hoping to help asks, "What's the matter?"
The Half orc replies, "See that out there? All my life I have had to deal with people making fun of me and my kind for not being as smart as others. Then you see something like that and you can't help but understand."
The cleric lays a gentle hand on his shoulder and says, " That's ok, we can help."
The half orc replies, "Oh I wouldn't need any help if I could swim out there myself and tell her she's holding the paddle wrong!"
How come there is no such thing as a fat cleric?
Because they're all light!
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eexgenMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 2Arc User
edited May 2013
A halfling and a dwarf go into a dungeon.
Dwarf: The wall is closing in! WE'RE TRAPPED!!
Halfling: There must be another way out of here! I'll use my DUNGEONEERING skill to search for hidden passages!
Halfling: There! A secret door triggered by that torch sconce!!
Dwarf:UNGH!!
Dwarf:NGH!!!!
Halfling:EH! EH!! HNNNGH!!!!
A drow, a tiefling, and a half-orc are standing on the roof of a burning building. Their only possible escape is to jump into a blanket held by a group of humans on the streets below.
The drow is the first to approach the edge. “Jump!” yell the humans. “It’s your only chance!”
Seeing no other alternative, the drow jumps off the roof. The humans pull away the blanket, leaving the drow to splat on the street, dead.
Next is the tiefling. “Come on, you have to jump!” the humans shout.
“I don’t think so,” the tiefling responds. “You’re just going to pull away the blanket and leave me to die!”
“No we’re not!” the humans yell back. “It’s just drow we don’t like. We’re fine with tieflings!”
Convinced, the tiefling jumps off and goes splat as the humans pull back the blanket.
Only the half-orc remains on top of the burning building. “Hurry up and jump or you’re gonna burn!” the humans shout.
“Nothing you humans say is gonna convince me you won’t pull away the blanket,” the half-orc responds. “So before I jump, I want you to set the blanket on the ground and back away.”
So I'm getting ready to create my first foundry quest... Given there as many as there are now, that's kind of like being Elizabeth Taylor's 5th husband on their Honeymoon. I think I know what to do but I'm not sure I can make it interesting....
I'm here all week. Try the veal....
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wizomaticMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 7Arc User
edited May 2013
A Half-Orc walks into a bar high up in one of the towers of Sharn and starts drinking. After tossing back quite a few, he notices a small crowd gathered around a handsome blonde Paladin at the end of the bar as he tells a story.
"I swear on Pelor's Honor, I've done it myself - if you jump out that window over there, you'll fly three times around the building and land safely on the ground by the door! It's the powerful winds that blow around these high towers - they're strong enough to carry a fully-armored person..."
Everybody just laughs, but the Paladin insists he's serious.
Several hours go by, as the Half-Orc gets deeper and deeper into his cups, and every so often the golden-haired Paladin tells his story to a new group of admirers who've just come in. Every time he keeps insisting that the high winds blowing around the towers will catch a man jumping from the window and deposit him safely on the ground.
So the Half-Orc, who's very drunk by now, eventually wanders over to the Paladin and says,"Hey, you, gold-hair, you tellin da truth? You can really fly juz by jumpin out dat window?"
"Sir," says the paladin,"I am a paladin of Pelor - I do not lie. I can indeed jump out the window, and fly three times around the building before I land safely by the door."
"Oh, yeah, little man? Lessee ya prove it."
And with a hearty laugh, the plate-armored Paladin strides up to the window and dives out head first.
The stunned Half-Orc rushes to the window to see the tall blonde man indeed flying three loops around the tower before landing safely.
When the Paladin comes back into the bar, the Half-Orc says,"Hey, little man, you say anybody can do dat? You said it sumptin bout da high winds cuz o' da towers?"
"I did indeed, my good green friend - you should try it yourself."
The Half-Orc isn't too sure, since he doesn't really like heights, but after a few more encouraging words from the golden-haired Paladin he finds himself perched on the window ledge.
The Half-Orc spreads his arms like a bird as he prepares to soar, and leaps out into the air. Only to plummet sixteen stories onto the street outside.
As the Paladin chuckles softly to himself and walks back to the bar, the bartender grumbles, "Y'know, Kellar, for an Aasimar, you're a real (BEEP)
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tankerbawlsMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 2Arc User
edited May 2013
A Trickster Rogue breaks into a home and hears a voice say, "Jesus is watching you."
Startled, he asks, "Who said that?"
Again, the voice says, "Jesus is watching you."
The rogue turns around to see a parrot. He asks the parrot what his name is. The parrot replies, "Cornelius."
The rogue asks, "Who names a parrot 'Cornelius'?"
The parrot replies, "The same person who named that Direwolf behind you Jesus."
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namikazepwMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero Users, Neverwinter Knight of the Feywild UsersPosts: 0Arc User
shadowwroseMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
"Hum that rogue thinks only they can be the only thieves, I'll show them. I'll get this gold pile before he even notices... hey, where is my money pouch?!"
Three refugees meet each other on the road after each of their houses had been destroyed by the undead army. They all see a pig roaming around and decide to catch it. After they catch it the first refugee says "Lets kill it!", the second refugee says "Lets eat it!", the third refugee says "No wait! I have a better idea. Lets put a cork in its butt and feed it everything we can find. Then it will get really big and we can charge people to see it." They all agreed this was the best plan. So they put a cork in its butt and fed it whatever they could find. The pig started to get big, then really big. Shortly it grew to the size of an undead hulk, and smelled just as bad. They opened up a booth in Neverwinter and charged people to look at the "Dire Pig" as they called it. Soon enough they had become very wealthy men with nice homes and fine clothing. One day they gathered together and the third refugee said "I feel sorry for the pig, it looks like its in a lot of pain. It has made us a lot of money so I think we should take the cork out of its butt and ease its suffering." The first refugee shakes his head, "I'm not gonna do it!" "Neither am I!" replied the second refugee. The third refugee looks at them and says "I have an idea! Why don't we summon an imp and have him pull out the cork." The other two agreed this would be the best course of action. So the next day they all gathered up at the barn where they kept the pig. They summoned the Imp and the third refugee told him "On the count of three we want you to pull the cork out of the pigs butt" The imp looked at him, then at the pig and nodded his head that he understood. The three refugees stood outside the pen and counted down together, "One...Two...Three!"
The first refugee woke up in a temple with a cleric looking over him. The cleric said "We found you three outside of the barn unconscious, what happened?" The first refugee shook his head "I don't know" The cleric asked him "Well, whats the last thing you remember?" The first refugee shivered and said "All this slimy sticky stuff"
The second refugee wakes up and the cleric moves over to him and asks the same question "Whats the last thing you remember?" The second refugee closes his eyes and says, "All this smelly brown stuff."
The third refugee wakes up and the cleric moves over to him and asks "Whats the last thing you remember?" The third refugee sits there and stares off into space. Then a look of shock and horror appears on his face. With a sob he says, "That poor little imp trying to put the cork back in."
""You know the world's going to hell when most of the people fighting the spell plague can't even spell 'plague'."
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fun4faerunMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
A trickster rogue walks into a tavern and asks the crowd, "Who's dragon is that outside?"
A elder tiefling, dressed as a wizard, stands up and replies "Mine. Why?"
The rogue somberly approaches the mage. "I regret to inform you that the halfling in our party has killed your dragon"
"What!" erupts the archwizard. "Your halfling killed Rithvaeraradace. Slayer of the Elminster, Destroyer of Cormyr, Raider of Waterdeep, Ruler of the Dales, Thorn to the Gods, and Bane of all Toril! How did this happen!?"
The rogue sheepishly looks at the wizard and replies "Well...the little guy got stuck in its throat!"
Moral: Always chew your food.
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bobbyblacknutzMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 10Arc User
edited May 2013
i will give you 2 gold for 10 for 5
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doofenshmirtMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
What's the difference between a Dwarven wedding and a Dwarven Funeral?
One less drunk.
How many Dwarfs does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
A Dwarf and I can't reach your **** doorbell. Now let me in you *******.
In Neverwinter, there are basically two kinds of players.
PvPers like to kill other people and PvEers... who like to kill.... the environment?
In real life there's a third group who like to kill people and the environment. They're called Republicans.
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bobbyblacknutzMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 10Arc User
edited May 2013
how much do you want for that +5 dagger sir! How about 2 slaps across your mouth just cause i like ya!
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dockilljoyMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 8Arc User
edited May 2013
When the developers of NWO over at Cryptic sit down to have a nice conversation on boss mechanics they first pull out the drawing board and then write moar adds. FIN.
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fun4faerunMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
-What do you call a wizard's duel?
A spelling bee!
-An orc walks into the bar with a parrot on his shoulder and the bartender says "Wow, that's really neat. Where'd you get it?"
"In a cave." the parrot replies.
-What do you call 1000 gnomes buried up to their necks in sand?
Someone ran out of sand.
-What do you call a good looking woman in Menzoberranzan?
Master.
-Why do dwarves have such big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers!
-Why do orcish bards sound better by candlelight?
Because you can plug your ears with the wax!
-A myconid walks into a bar and the bar tender says "we don't serve your kind here". The mushroom man replies "why not, I'm a fungi".
-Pick up line for use on the female adventurers: Maybe it's just a charm spell, but your hotness is starting to overcome my fire resistance.
-Four orcs walk into a bar. The fifth one ducks.
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swamswimmerMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
An orc attacks you with a crossbow. What do you do?
Comments
Yell "drinks on the house!"
"This boss is impossible!" the tank said as he was thrown across the room directly after pulling aggro and then immediately losing it...
"Come on guys! Stand still for just a second and I can heal you!" the cleric said as the boss dealt him the final blow.
The weapon fighter groaned in agony...he ate it before the fight even started.
"Really?!...Immune to ice? Have fun with this one guys, I'm out" the wizard said as he was taken down by a junk mob.
I knew at that very moment what I had to do... I rolled need on the green item that dropped, stealthed, and rolled out of combat... "Fear not my comrades...You're sacrifice will not be in vain!" *leaves the party*
The half orc in the party begins to mumble and grunt, clearly agitated.
The cleric, hoping to help asks, "What's the matter?"
The Half orc replies, "See that out there? All my life I have had to deal with people making fun of me and my kind for not being as smart as others. Then you see something like that and you can't help but understand."
The cleric lays a gentle hand on his shoulder and says, " That's ok, we can help."
The half orc replies, "Oh I wouldn't need any help if I could swim out there myself and tell her she's holding the paddle wrong!"
How come there is no such thing as a fat cleric?
Because they're all light!
Dwarf: The wall is closing in! WE'RE TRAPPED!!
Halfling: There must be another way out of here! I'll use my DUNGEONEERING skill to search for hidden passages!
Halfling: There! A secret door triggered by that torch sconce!!
Dwarf:UNGH!!
Dwarf:NGH!!!!
Halfling:EH! EH!! HNNNGH!!!!
They eyeballed it.
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHHEHEHEHHEHE.
The drow is the first to approach the edge. “Jump!” yell the humans. “It’s your only chance!”
Seeing no other alternative, the drow jumps off the roof. The humans pull away the blanket, leaving the drow to splat on the street, dead.
Next is the tiefling. “Come on, you have to jump!” the humans shout.
“I don’t think so,” the tiefling responds. “You’re just going to pull away the blanket and leave me to die!”
“No we’re not!” the humans yell back. “It’s just drow we don’t like. We’re fine with tieflings!”
Convinced, the tiefling jumps off and goes splat as the humans pull back the blanket.
Only the half-orc remains on top of the burning building. “Hurry up and jump or you’re gonna burn!” the humans shout.
“Nothing you humans say is gonna convince me you won’t pull away the blanket,” the half-orc responds. “So before I jump, I want you to set the blanket on the ground and back away.”
I'm here all week. Try the veal....
"I swear on Pelor's Honor, I've done it myself - if you jump out that window over there, you'll fly three times around the building and land safely on the ground by the door! It's the powerful winds that blow around these high towers - they're strong enough to carry a fully-armored person..."
Everybody just laughs, but the Paladin insists he's serious.
Several hours go by, as the Half-Orc gets deeper and deeper into his cups, and every so often the golden-haired Paladin tells his story to a new group of admirers who've just come in. Every time he keeps insisting that the high winds blowing around the towers will catch a man jumping from the window and deposit him safely on the ground.
So the Half-Orc, who's very drunk by now, eventually wanders over to the Paladin and says,"Hey, you, gold-hair, you tellin da truth? You can really fly juz by jumpin out dat window?"
"Sir," says the paladin,"I am a paladin of Pelor - I do not lie. I can indeed jump out the window, and fly three times around the building before I land safely by the door."
"Oh, yeah, little man? Lessee ya prove it."
And with a hearty laugh, the plate-armored Paladin strides up to the window and dives out head first.
The stunned Half-Orc rushes to the window to see the tall blonde man indeed flying three loops around the tower before landing safely.
When the Paladin comes back into the bar, the Half-Orc says,"Hey, little man, you say anybody can do dat? You said it sumptin bout da high winds cuz o' da towers?"
"I did indeed, my good green friend - you should try it yourself."
The Half-Orc isn't too sure, since he doesn't really like heights, but after a few more encouraging words from the golden-haired Paladin he finds himself perched on the window ledge.
The Half-Orc spreads his arms like a bird as he prepares to soar, and leaps out into the air. Only to plummet sixteen stories onto the street outside.
As the Paladin chuckles softly to himself and walks back to the bar, the bartender grumbles, "Y'know, Kellar, for an Aasimar, you're a real (BEEP)
Startled, he asks, "Who said that?"
Again, the voice says, "Jesus is watching you."
The rogue turns around to see a parrot. He asks the parrot what his name is. The parrot replies, "Cornelius."
The rogue asks, "Who names a parrot 'Cornelius'?"
The parrot replies, "The same person who named that Direwolf behind you Jesus."
I think somethings tailing you.
And playing by myself since Aug 2009
Godtier: Lifetime Subscriber
Q: What did the Dragon say on a long and boring day?
A: This day just keeps dragon on and on...
A Halfling musician walks into a tavern, and the bartender says, "Get out, you're Bard."
I know these aren't very good, but I thought I'd give it a shot.
The first refugee woke up in a temple with a cleric looking over him. The cleric said "We found you three outside of the barn unconscious, what happened?" The first refugee shook his head "I don't know" The cleric asked him "Well, whats the last thing you remember?" The first refugee shivered and said "All this slimy sticky stuff"
The second refugee wakes up and the cleric moves over to him and asks the same question "Whats the last thing you remember?" The second refugee closes his eyes and says, "All this smelly brown stuff."
The third refugee wakes up and the cleric moves over to him and asks "Whats the last thing you remember?" The third refugee sits there and stares off into space. Then a look of shock and horror appears on his face. With a sob he says, "That poor little imp trying to put the cork back in."
A elder tiefling, dressed as a wizard, stands up and replies "Mine. Why?"
The rogue somberly approaches the mage. "I regret to inform you that the halfling in our party has killed your dragon"
"What!" erupts the archwizard. "Your halfling killed Rithvaeraradace. Slayer of the Elminster, Destroyer of Cormyr, Raider of Waterdeep, Ruler of the Dales, Thorn to the Gods, and Bane of all Toril! How did this happen!?"
The rogue sheepishly looks at the wizard and replies "Well...the little guy got stuck in its throat!"
Moral: Always chew your food.
One less drunk.
How many Dwarfs does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
A Dwarf and I can't reach your **** doorbell. Now let me in you *******.
In Neverwinter, there are basically two kinds of players.
PvPers like to kill other people and PvEers... who like to kill.... the environment?
In real life there's a third group who like to kill people and the environment. They're called Republicans.
A spelling bee!
-An orc walks into the bar with a parrot on his shoulder and the bartender says "Wow, that's really neat. Where'd you get it?"
"In a cave." the parrot replies.
-What do you call 1000 gnomes buried up to their necks in sand?
Someone ran out of sand.
-What do you call a good looking woman in Menzoberranzan?
Master.
-Why do dwarves have such big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers!
-Why do orcish bards sound better by candlelight?
Because you can plug your ears with the wax!
-A myconid walks into a bar and the bar tender says "we don't serve your kind here". The mushroom man replies "why not, I'm a fungi".
-Pick up line for use on the female adventurers: Maybe it's just a charm spell, but your hotness is starting to overcome my fire resistance.
-Four orcs walk into a bar. The fifth one ducks.
Pick it up and shoot it at him.
Halfling oracle robs the Manycoins Bank. Small medium at large.