zedennMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
Ladies and gentlemen :
[Explosive Runes]
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kreatyveMember, Neverwinter Moderator, NW M9 PlaytestPosts: 10,545Community Moderator
edited May 2013
Kevgretor, the mighty northern Barbarian is on his once in a lifetime trip to Neverwinter.
While enjoying the sights, Kevgretor notices a burning tower. So the ever helpful Kevgretor runs to help. When he arrives he notices people trapped on top of the burning tower. Kevgretor yells out "Jump, I'll catch you!"
First, steps up a half-elf to the ledge. Thinking "Either way, I'm going to die", he jumps. Sure enough, Kevgretor easily catches him.
The elf, seeing that the half-elf was easily caught, jumps after a slight hesitation. Sure enough, Kevgretor easily catches him.
Next the drow, without hesitation, jumps over the edge. Kevgretor steps back, and allows him to splat on the ground.
He yells up at the rest of the trapped people, "Don't throw down the burnt ones!"
My opinions are my own. I do not work for PWE or Cryptic. - Forum Rules - Protector's Enclave Discord - I play on Xbox Any of my comments not posted in orange are based on my own personal opinion and not official. Any messages written in orange are official moderation messages. Signature images are now fixed!
-Why did the Fighter let the Rogue choose the party's Warlock? Because he was good at picking 'Locks.
-What do you call a good looking woman in Menzoberranzan?
Master.
-A myconid walks into a bar and the bar tender says "we don't serve your kind here". The mushroom man replies "why not, I'm a fungi"
and last but not least
An elf, a human and a dwarf are all enjoying drinks in a tavern when each notices a fly in their glass.
The elf places his napkin over the glass and pushes it off to the side.
The human removes the fly and keeps drinking.
The dwarf pulls out the fly and starts yelling, "Spit it out, ya devil! Spit it out!"
If you didn't laugh at any of those there's something wrong with you :P
A dwarf, an elf, and a half-orc were shipwrecked on a deserted island. There they find a forgotten temple. They make their way to the alterroom where they find a magical ring of wishes.
The dwarf grabs the ring and says "Great! Now I can get home! I wish I was back in the tavern at home surrounded by ale"!
*poof* he's gone!
The elf grabs the ring and says "Finally, I can go home! I wish I was in the tree city, trading tales with the finest poets of our age!"
*poof* he's gone!
The half-orc picks up the ring and says "I'm lonely now. I wish the other two guys were back here."
A young Drow child went to the market with his mother, while she was gathering up food the young boy happened upon a mask that looked like a human face. Fancying it, the boy grabbed it, paid his 2 coppers and then he and his mother left.
When they got back to their home the mother turned to her son and asked, "What did you buy at the market today?"
Extremely proud the boy put on the mask and said "Look mommy I'm human, I'm human!"
His mother slapped him angrily and sent him inside, "Go tell your father what you just said!"
Running to his dad the boy jumped around with the mask on, "Daddy, daddy, I'm human, I'm human!"
The father angrily slaps the boy and says, "Go tell your grandfather what you just said!"
Sulking the boy went to his grandfather and said, "Grandpa, look!, I'm human, I'm human!"
The grandfather slapped the boy and said, "What have you learned from all of this?"
The boy thinks for a moment and says, "I've been a human for 2 minutes and I already hate Drow."
An orcish family tried to enter protector's enclave to have a better, life, but it was ruled by the humans.
They went to the gates and asked entry, when the guard came out he yelled: "No other races are allowed in this city, only humans live here!"
So the orcish family went back to their tent and thought of a way to get inside.
Suddenly the father decided "Let's try and swim through the river! If we make it, we belong to the human race by law..."
So the next morning there was a heavy current but they still all went in the river, they were trying their hardest, and everybody made it except the little orc brother. They looked back shocked, when the mother suddenly says "Who cares, it's just an orc dying !"
It's really hard to word this joke with the races switched.
D&D 3.5 first campaign I every played:
The DM started us off at an inn for the start of Ravenloft campaign. Toke a bit of time to get started because one of the plays was having a chat with the DM.
DM: How did you start off with a chicken and why would you need a chicken in the first place? Elf Rouge: Well I was thinking I would have an endless supply of eggs for when I get hungry. DM: You know you need a... you know what never mind you have your chicken. Elf Rouge: *Player is happy he gets to keep his chicken*
*Few mins latter bandits show up outside the inn*
*Everyone runs outside to fight the bandits, but I'm still in the inn looking out a window watching people fight on the second storey.* DM: Kordack*Me* it's your turn what do you do ? Me: *Not looking under the window to see who was there* I jump out the window yelling "DEATH FROM ABOVE" DM: Okay, roll Dex check to see if you land on your feet?
*roll* DM: *laughs* you don't land on your feet, but you do fall onto the Elf rouge below you killing his chicken. Elf Rouge:*angry* What the hell!really?!
*Everyone around the table just laughing* DM: Yep*grinning* Me:*Just laughing* I'm really sorry man. *Still Laughing*
The DM always gets his way
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raven172Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 4Arc User
edited May 2013
Why did the dark elf guards fall asleep at their post?
A Tiefling, human, and elf were getting ready for battle when the tiefling suddenly struck the human dead. Appalled, the elf looked at the tiefling horrified. "Why did you do that?!" The tiefling shrugged before casually replying. "The devil made me do it."
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jimrdvMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 11Arc User
edited May 2013
What the Guardian Fighter said to Lord Neverember, lord protector of Neverwinter? Well, NEVERMIND...
Anyways, he ended in the Neverdeath cemetery...
Ok, I will NEVER tell this joke again...
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garthonMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
Q: Why do Elves have points on their ears?
A: There must be some point to Elves.
A dwarf walks into an inn with a parrot on his shoulder. As he approaches the desk, the innkeeper says "where'd you find that scraggly thing" to which the parrot replies "in a cave".
Hilariously, a man finds a tiefling talking with a halfing
A happening such as this is baffling
But no matter how much he tries to question
Insistingly, they return the same word selection
The Tiefling only cackles
Still life floating Halfing only gurgles
It seems you have some bad HABITS mage?
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shaydwalkrMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero Users, Neverwinter Knight of the Feywild UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
This was one of the funnier ones I have read in years:
There were three adventurers lost in a tropical jungle: an elf, a human and a halfling. They were all captured by a local tribe of cannibals. The cannibal queen told the adventurers they could all live if they passed the Trial. The first step of the trial was to go into the jungle and collect 10 pieces of the same kind of fruit. So the elf, the human and the halfling all went their separate ways with cannibal guards to gather fruit.
The elf came back and said to the queen, "I brought 10 mangos."
The queen explains that the second part of the trial is that you have to shove the fruits up your <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> without any expression on your face or you will be eaten.
The first mango went in. On the second one, however, the elf winced in pain, so he was killed and went to the great beyond.
The human arrived next with 10 berries. When the queen explained the second part of the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... but on the 9th berry, the human burst out laughing. Therefore he was also killed and went to the great beyond.
The elf and the human met up in the great beyond. The elf asked, "Why did you laugh? You almost got away with it!"
The human replied, "I couldn't help it. I saw the halfling coming back with pineapples."
Did you hear about the priests of the Dairy God? Apparently, they have the power to churn undead.
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pinky2brainMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 12Arc User
edited May 2013
5 Control Wizards walk into a bar, the barkeep looks up and says you guys look familiar . . .
I used to be a DM for 2nd, 3rd, 3.5 and 4th edition DnD. I tell this to players because i am proud to say i had a hand in making Games for them. Most of the people go, what's a DM. I always reply back, roll me an INT check, and with your penalties, yeah you fail!
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Himmelville - Are you easily frightened?
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On one side of the mountain, there were bones...
[Explosive Runes]
While enjoying the sights, Kevgretor notices a burning tower. So the ever helpful Kevgretor runs to help. When he arrives he notices people trapped on top of the burning tower. Kevgretor yells out "Jump, I'll catch you!"
First, steps up a half-elf to the ledge. Thinking "Either way, I'm going to die", he jumps. Sure enough, Kevgretor easily catches him.
The elf, seeing that the half-elf was easily caught, jumps after a slight hesitation. Sure enough, Kevgretor easily catches him.
Next the drow, without hesitation, jumps over the edge. Kevgretor steps back, and allows him to splat on the ground.
He yells up at the rest of the trapped people, "Don't throw down the burnt ones!"
Any of my comments not posted in orange are based on my own personal opinion and not official.
Any messages written in orange are official moderation messages. Signature images are now fixed!
-What monsters eats too much......? Goblins.
-Why did the Fighter let the Rogue choose the party's Warlock? Because he was good at picking 'Locks.
-What do you call a good looking woman in Menzoberranzan?
Master.
-A myconid walks into a bar and the bar tender says "we don't serve your kind here". The mushroom man replies "why not, I'm a fungi"
and last but not least
An elf, a human and a dwarf are all enjoying drinks in a tavern when each notices a fly in their glass.
The elf places his napkin over the glass and pushes it off to the side.
The human removes the fly and keeps drinking.
The dwarf pulls out the fly and starts yelling, "Spit it out, ya devil! Spit it out!"
If you didn't laugh at any of those there's something wrong with you :P
The dwarf grabs the ring and says "Great! Now I can get home! I wish I was back in the tavern at home surrounded by ale"!
*poof* he's gone!
The elf grabs the ring and says "Finally, I can go home! I wish I was in the tree city, trading tales with the finest poets of our age!"
*poof* he's gone!
The half-orc picks up the ring and says "I'm lonely now. I wish the other two guys were back here."
They walk into a bar... it is a play on words :Ds
When they got back to their home the mother turned to her son and asked, "What did you buy at the market today?"
Extremely proud the boy put on the mask and said "Look mommy I'm human, I'm human!"
His mother slapped him angrily and sent him inside, "Go tell your father what you just said!"
Running to his dad the boy jumped around with the mask on, "Daddy, daddy, I'm human, I'm human!"
The father angrily slaps the boy and says, "Go tell your grandfather what you just said!"
Sulking the boy went to his grandfather and said, "Grandpa, look!, I'm human, I'm human!"
The grandfather slapped the boy and said, "What have you learned from all of this?"
The boy thinks for a moment and says, "I've been a human for 2 minutes and I already hate Drow."
An orcish family tried to enter protector's enclave to have a better, life, but it was ruled by the humans.
They went to the gates and asked entry, when the guard came out he yelled: "No other races are allowed in this city, only humans live here!"
So the orcish family went back to their tent and thought of a way to get inside.
Suddenly the father decided "Let's try and swim through the river! If we make it, we belong to the human race by law..."
So the next morning there was a heavy current but they still all went in the river, they were trying their hardest, and everybody made it except the little orc brother. They looked back shocked, when the mother suddenly says "Who cares, it's just an orc dying !"
It's really hard to word this joke with the races switched.
I've got my eyes on you!
Ba-dum pish!
Edit: Decided I wanted to chunk in a couple more.
Elf: So what region of Neverwinter do you hail from?
Troll: Troll regen from cold and hail, not regen from fire and acid.
/sadtrollface
After wiping 3 times on Chartilfax,
Cleric: You're not tanking the dragon, dwarf!
Fighter: Tank her for what?! She nay a caused us aught but PAIN!
/bagpipes
Okay, Panic.
The DM started us off at an inn for the start of Ravenloft campaign. Toke a bit of time to get started because one of the plays was having a chat with the DM.
DM: How did you start off with a chicken and why would you need a chicken in the first place?
Elf Rouge: Well I was thinking I would have an endless supply of eggs for when I get hungry.
DM: You know you need a... you know what never mind you have your chicken.
Elf Rouge: *Player is happy he gets to keep his chicken*
*Few mins latter bandits show up outside the inn*
*Everyone runs outside to fight the bandits, but I'm still in the inn looking out a window watching people fight on the second storey.*
DM: Kordack*Me* it's your turn what do you do ?
Me: *Not looking under the window to see who was there* I jump out the window yelling "DEATH FROM ABOVE"
DM: Okay, roll Dex check to see if you land on your feet?
*roll*
DM: *laughs* you don't land on your feet, but you do fall onto the Elf rouge below you killing his chicken.
Elf Rouge:*angry* What the hell!really?!
*Everyone around the table just laughing*
DM: Yep*grinning*
Me:*Just laughing* I'm really sorry man. *Still Laughing*
The DM always gets his way
They were drowsy...
"That was the longest d&d joke in history."
Anyways, he ended in the Neverdeath cemetery...
Ok, I will NEVER tell this joke again...
A: There must be some point to Elves.
"In brightes' day, in balckes' night,
No tankard shall escape me sight.
Let those who go and spill their pint
Beware me po'er.... Moradin's might!"
A happening such as this is baffling
But no matter how much he tries to question
Insistingly, they return the same word selection
The Tiefling only cackles
Still life floating Halfing only gurgles
It seems you have some bad HABITS mage?
There were three adventurers lost in a tropical jungle: an elf, a human and a halfling. They were all captured by a local tribe of cannibals. The cannibal queen told the adventurers they could all live if they passed the Trial. The first step of the trial was to go into the jungle and collect 10 pieces of the same kind of fruit. So the elf, the human and the halfling all went their separate ways with cannibal guards to gather fruit.
The elf came back and said to the queen, "I brought 10 mangos."
The queen explains that the second part of the trial is that you have to shove the fruits up your <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> without any expression on your face or you will be eaten.
The first mango went in. On the second one, however, the elf winced in pain, so he was killed and went to the great beyond.
The human arrived next with 10 berries. When the queen explained the second part of the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... but on the 9th berry, the human burst out laughing. Therefore he was also killed and went to the great beyond.
The elf and the human met up in the great beyond. The elf asked, "Why did you laugh? You almost got away with it!"
The human replied, "I couldn't help it. I saw the halfling coming back with pineapples."
I used to be a DM for 2nd, 3rd, 3.5 and 4th edition DnD. I tell this to players because i am proud to say i had a hand in making Games for them. Most of the people go, what's a DM. I always reply back, roll me an INT check, and with your penalties, yeah you fail!
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