nythandorMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
Over the course of 3 nights playing a tabletop with my brother, dad, and girlfriend, I dedicated my time to creating "Dil, the Overwhelmingly Optimistic". Dil is a half-orc/half-dwarf (or "Dork" if you will) Sorcerer who multiclassed into a Useless Mage by level 2, granting the power to charge my weapon with static electricity for a round (deals 0 additional damage, creates a slightly-irritating feeling in target for .001 seconds), squirt water into my foes face to provoke a punch in the face from the target (will save 14), and summon a grue. With these powers at my disposal, we charged heroically into battle whereupon I fumbled my attack roll, tripped my brother's character, and we both got 4 attacks of opportunity against us for a resounding defeat at the hands of goblins.
I hereby wish to add "Dork" as an official race, and useless mage as a class.
Chilimaister was the cook of his clan.
He loved hot food but his brethren threatened to kill him if he continued to poison the food with chilies. He decided to not listen other opinions, took his trusted carving knife and slayed everyone in his camp during one single night. As his Chili Con Orc was fatal to others, he figured his skills could be utilized best as a bounty hunter.
Darrak Proudbeard - The Dwarf Devoted Cleric
As a kid, Darrak Proudbeard's family invited a Half-Orc to make them his famous Chili Con Orc. After having his first bite, he started feeling immense pain. While going for his glass of water, he saw a green eye in his plate, got scared and tipped over a candle. To escape the flames, Darrak jumped through the window to waters of Waterdeep followed by his family and the Half-Orc. Badly burned, he saw a cleric casting some spell on the pier. He healed Darrak and his family, although Darrak's head was so burned, he could not ever grow a beard again. For this reason his family abandoned Darrak. He decided to group up with the Half-Orc Chilimaister and the cleric Ring Of Fire for a chance to be able to grow a beard some day and to learn handle the excruciating pain he still had from the fire by eating the mysterious Chili Con Orc made by Chilimaister.
Now after many years Darrak is looking for his former companions from Neverwinter in the hope of being able to taste the Chili Con Orc once again.
So I sit down to play Old Jerry's Quest yesterday, after going to get some coffee, I am moving the mouse and NOTHING is happening and I think OH GOD, Now what? DO I need a new Mouse? I already had to buy a new Video Card to play Neverwinter, there is no way I can afford a new mouse too! SO I look down because I am about ready to throw it at the wall: I am pushing around my cell phone, not my mouse. In my defense My Husband had just put my phone there while I was out of the room, and they ARE about the same size. So, things that make you go "DUH!" Go ahead, laugh at me, I guess I deserve it. But admit it, it is mostly my guys fault, grin
Don't Mess with the Affairs of Dragons for you are Crunchy and Good with KETCHUP!!:p
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comicsansmsMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 8Arc User
edited May 2013
Let me tell you all about the positives and negatives of the Neverwinter auction house...
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lotai7Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 1Arc User
A gnome entered a bar. He stood by the counter and asked by some wine. Seconds passes. He asks again... nothing.. he starts to jump, trying to look over the counter, and asking "I want a wine! I want a wine!.
He gets upset and walks around it, and finds another gnome jumping, trying to look over the counter, asking "red or white? Red or White?"
Hmm, what to do with all these Astral Diamonds? Wait, it's Caturday! Cats for everyone!!
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goodbiscuitMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 14Arc User
edited May 2013
I found a magic bag of holding once. I thought it was really swell, until I saw a dwarf with fifteen refugees, two miners, and a siege engine inside his sack. I asked him how I could find such an enchantment, but he kept just saying: "Press N." Must have been drunk. Typical dwarf.
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wizomaticMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 7Arc User
The knight is leaving the bar, when he sees his mount was stolen. Angered, he yells "I'm gonna go get another drink. If, by the time I'm back, my mount is not here, I'll do what I did yesterday!!!". He walked in, asked another drink, drank it, exited the bar... and there was his horse. And a halfling that was standing there, curious he asked "but what you did yesterday"? To which the knight replied "went home by foot."
So, I'm traveling through Ebon Downs, right...and heard some NPC was talking to me - "Interested in Mushrooms Event?" ...I'm like - "Hell yeah!!..now you talking! ...right on, dude...count me in on one hundred percent!!" ...as it turned out it was just another boring contest mini-quest
A human was selling melons in the fair, when a huge orc approached him, and said outloud "I WANT TO BUY HALF OF A MELON". The human, intimidated with the orc's size, replied "I can't sell you half of a melon I'll have to ask my boss..." he leaves to one of the tents, and the orc follows him without him noticing. Getting in there he says "boss, there's an idiot out there wanting to buy half of a melon". He looks back, and finds the orc standing right behind him "... and I want to buy the other half".
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wizomaticMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 7Arc User
edited May 2013
A Drow, a Tiefling, and a Half-Orc are standing on the roof of a burning building. Their only possible escape is to jump into a blanket held by a group of humans on the streets below.
The Drow is the first to approach the edge. "Jump!" yell the humans. "It's your only chance!"
Seeing no other alternative, the Drow jumps off the roof. The humans pull away the blanket, leaving the Drow to splat on the street, dead.
Next is the Tiefling. "Come on, you have to jump!" the humans shout.
"I don't think so," the Tiefling responds. "You're just going to pull away the blanket and leave me to die!"
"No we're not!" the humans yell back. "It's just Drow we don't like. We're fine with Tieflings!"
Convinced, the Tiefling jumps off and goes splat as the humans pull back the blanket.
Only the Half-Orc remains on top of the burning building. "Hurry up and jump or you're gonna burn!" the humans shout.
"Nothing you humans say is gonna convince me you won't pull away the blanket," the Half-Orc responds. "So before I jump, I want you to set the blanket on the ground and back away."
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itdude123Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
How do you keep a ninja-looter from drowning?
Take your foot off their head.
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eexgenMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 2Arc User
edited May 2013
An elven bard walks into a tavern and asks the crowd, "Who's dragon is that outside?"
An older gentleman, dressed in archmage robes stands up, and replies "Mine. Why?"
The bard somberly approaches the mage. "I regret to inform you that the halfling in our party has killed your dragon"
"What!" erupts the archmage. "Your halfling killed Rithvaeraradace. Slayer of the Elminster, Destroyer of Cormyr, Raider of Waterdeep, Ruler of the Dales, Thorn to the Gods, and Bane of all Toril! How did this happen!?"
The bard sheepishly looks at the archmage and replies "Well...the little guy got stuck in its throat!"
There are hardly any bugs within and without the D&D Neverwinter games because all you bloodthirsty hack n' slash, spell-blazing, waybread eatin' player characters brought them all to near extinction!
My party was going down a dungeon when they encountered some thieves! When the fight was over, the paladin was left with 3 hp and due to a critival failure roll he was shot (critical hit and sneak attack) by our party's rogue....so the paladin turns to the rogue (who in-game were on bad terms due to opposite ideals) and gives him an angry look....the rogue just shrugs holding his hand-crossbow in hand and says "What?! It wasn't me!"
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futtelutduttenMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 4Arc User
edited May 2013
So, my and some friends used to play Pen and Paper Dungeons & Dragons alot. We are part of a larger roleplaying society in our area and 4 of us knows each other pretty **** well An evening about half a year ago we had another friend of mine in our group, he really wanted to try Pen and Paper roleplaying so we told him he could join us one night.. The only problem was that we are danes and he is an american, which meant we all had to do it in english in order for him to understand just a tiny bit of it..
The funny part of this, is that some danes has a really hard time pronouncing an english "r" the right way, for some danes it ends up as a "w" instead. but back to the story..
We were in these awesome catacombs crawling with spiders and with Wights all over the place, when the gamemaster asked us if we wanted to follow the path up ahead or go to the right down another path.. we sat there talking for a moment when one in our group (Mike) said: "I went right!". The fun part is that his english wasnt that good, so he ended up saying: "i went wight!"
this made us all laugh, and when we joked with it by saying that he already choose to be a human he didnt understand what the fun part was.. we laughed and laughed.. for the rest of that evening, every time we met a group of Wights we kept joking about it by asking the GM if it was safe to kill the wights or if our friend Mike had gone "Wight" again..
When you released Neverwinter we were all excited, and when we asked our friend Mike if he wanted to play with us, his only question to us was: "Can i go Wight?" we almost dropped dead of laughter because we had almost forgotten it..
Although he couldnt play a Wight, he choose to play with us anyway
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itdude123Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
Great Weapon Fighters aren't born, they are dropped from the Robe of Useless Items.
So this one is a little risky, but I will keep it pg-13.
A dwarf walks in to a bar looking for some work, so he approaches the bartender. The dwarf says, "Hey barkeep! Ale if ya can. You know of any work in these here parts?" The bartender replies, "Sure, ya. There's a bugbear in the back room over here. Says his tooth hurts. Looks like he might need the bloody thing pulled out!" The dwarf takes a deep swig of his ale and motions for another. He then replies to the barkeep, "That so? I reckon that won't be too bad. Seen worse in my day! Haha", and proceeds to take another deep swig of his ale. He motions for another. The bartender places another ale in front of the dwarf and says, "Oh right! There's also a beautiful noble upstairs. She's been looking for some 'company', if you know what I mean," giving a wide grin. "Ooh...I do like to share 'company' with the ladies," he slams an empty drink down on the table and orders another. After a short exchange and a few more drinks the dwarf says to the barkeep, "Well! Best get on with it then!", and he walks around to the back room. Suddenly there is a crash and howling coming from the other side of the wall. Thudding and things breaking. The dwarf could be heard yelling. After a few minutes of this the dwarf comes stumbling drunkenly out of the room, "Whew! Alright then...now where's that woman with the tooth ache?!"
Hey, don't be so rough on every skeleton you see. Who knows, you might be related.
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bobbyblacknutzMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 10Arc User
edited May 2013
I was walking for hours. On my feet were boots made of Nile Crocodile and ostrich skins. My equipment was made with Eel, Stingray, Lizard, Caiman, Python, and Shark skins. With all this equipment that i had, my sweat was dripping off my nose. once i reached the shop keeper i bout a potion to heal my thirst. I asked the shopkeeper for some lighter gear and equipment. He kindly took my money and gave me my stuff. The shopkeeper said i know exactly how you feel, NEVERWINTER!
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itdude123Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
You have increased your skill at patching +1... +1...+1...+1...OMG its a DEV exploit!!!
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I hereby wish to add "Dork" as an official race, and useless mage as a class.
Chilimaister was the cook of his clan.
He loved hot food but his brethren threatened to kill him if he continued to poison the food with chilies. He decided to not listen other opinions, took his trusted carving knife and slayed everyone in his camp during one single night. As his Chili Con Orc was fatal to others, he figured his skills could be utilized best as a bounty hunter.
Darrak Proudbeard - The Dwarf Devoted Cleric
As a kid, Darrak Proudbeard's family invited a Half-Orc to make them his famous Chili Con Orc. After having his first bite, he started feeling immense pain. While going for his glass of water, he saw a green eye in his plate, got scared and tipped over a candle. To escape the flames, Darrak jumped through the window to waters of Waterdeep followed by his family and the Half-Orc. Badly burned, he saw a cleric casting some spell on the pier. He healed Darrak and his family, although Darrak's head was so burned, he could not ever grow a beard again. For this reason his family abandoned Darrak. He decided to group up with the Half-Orc Chilimaister and the cleric Ring Of Fire for a chance to be able to grow a beard some day and to learn handle the excruciating pain he still had from the fire by eating the mysterious Chili Con Orc made by Chilimaister.
Now after many years Darrak is looking for his former companions from Neverwinter in the hope of being able to taste the Chili Con Orc once again.
He gets upset and walks around it, and finds another gnome jumping, trying to look over the counter, asking "red or white? Red or White?"
This is quoted from the text about Axe deoderant for Dwarves and I guess it didn't quote it, sorry
A.) Because they have big fingers!
A: Wood Elves of course.
A Power Ranger!
The joke?
We've been telling them for weeks and they still haven't changed it to beta status!
It's like they WANT us to rip them apart. Amiright?
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
The Drow is the first to approach the edge. "Jump!" yell the humans. "It's your only chance!"
Seeing no other alternative, the Drow jumps off the roof. The humans pull away the blanket, leaving the Drow to splat on the street, dead.
Next is the Tiefling. "Come on, you have to jump!" the humans shout.
"I don't think so," the Tiefling responds. "You're just going to pull away the blanket and leave me to die!"
"No we're not!" the humans yell back. "It's just Drow we don't like. We're fine with Tieflings!"
Convinced, the Tiefling jumps off and goes splat as the humans pull back the blanket.
Only the Half-Orc remains on top of the burning building. "Hurry up and jump or you're gonna burn!" the humans shout.
"Nothing you humans say is gonna convince me you won't pull away the blanket," the Half-Orc responds. "So before I jump, I want you to set the blanket on the ground and back away."
Take your foot off their head.
An older gentleman, dressed in archmage robes stands up, and replies "Mine. Why?"
The bard somberly approaches the mage. "I regret to inform you that the halfling in our party has killed your dragon"
"What!" erupts the archmage. "Your halfling killed Rithvaeraradace. Slayer of the Elminster, Destroyer of Cormyr, Raider of Waterdeep, Ruler of the Dales, Thorn to the Gods, and Bane of all Toril! How did this happen!?"
The bard sheepishly looks at the archmage and replies "Well...the little guy got stuck in its throat!"
Moral: Always chew your food.
The funny part of this, is that some danes has a really hard time pronouncing an english "r" the right way, for some danes it ends up as a "w" instead. but back to the story..
We were in these awesome catacombs crawling with spiders and with Wights all over the place, when the gamemaster asked us if we wanted to follow the path up ahead or go to the right down another path.. we sat there talking for a moment when one in our group (Mike) said: "I went right!". The fun part is that his english wasnt that good, so he ended up saying: "i went wight!"
this made us all laugh, and when we joked with it by saying that he already choose to be a human he didnt understand what the fun part was.. we laughed and laughed.. for the rest of that evening, every time we met a group of Wights we kept joking about it by asking the GM if it was safe to kill the wights or if our friend Mike had gone "Wight" again..
When you released Neverwinter we were all excited, and when we asked our friend Mike if he wanted to play with us, his only question to us was: "Can i go Wight?" we almost dropped dead of laughter because we had almost forgotten it..
Although he couldnt play a Wight, he choose to play with us anyway
A dwarf walks in to a bar looking for some work, so he approaches the bartender. The dwarf says, "Hey barkeep! Ale if ya can. You know of any work in these here parts?" The bartender replies, "Sure, ya. There's a bugbear in the back room over here. Says his tooth hurts. Looks like he might need the bloody thing pulled out!" The dwarf takes a deep swig of his ale and motions for another. He then replies to the barkeep, "That so? I reckon that won't be too bad. Seen worse in my day! Haha", and proceeds to take another deep swig of his ale. He motions for another. The bartender places another ale in front of the dwarf and says, "Oh right! There's also a beautiful noble upstairs. She's been looking for some 'company', if you know what I mean," giving a wide grin. "Ooh...I do like to share 'company' with the ladies," he slams an empty drink down on the table and orders another. After a short exchange and a few more drinks the dwarf says to the barkeep, "Well! Best get on with it then!", and he walks around to the back room. Suddenly there is a crash and howling coming from the other side of the wall. Thudding and things breaking. The dwarf could be heard yelling. After a few minutes of this the dwarf comes stumbling drunkenly out of the room, "Whew! Alright then...now where's that woman with the tooth ache?!"