Neverwinter Jokers and Jesters Wanted!

bobbyblacknutz

i reached deep into my soul to find my spirit animal. Now i know i am the spirit wolf!

celessrisdine

Control wizards always have a ball.

A halfling, a dwarf, a human, and a half-orc walk into a bar. Well the human and half-orc do. The hafling and dwarf just duck right under.

noobiiee

5 classes Trickster, Wizard, Guardian, Fighter, Cleric.
Trickster goes to the bar alone and pays a pint of beer.
Guardian comes with Fighter and drinks some wine with this friend,
Wizard comes running yelling:
-World is over everyone run!!!
Cleric appears with aggro and a horde of all the adds of the Neverwinter world.
Guardian taunts and gets the aggro, but Cleric decides to think on healing.
Dies.
End

bobbyblacknutz

let all meet at finkles coffee shop and get some tea and crumpets. Then after we slay some orcs, we can feast like kings and lets not forget the grog!

angelxeye

Human + Orc = half orc
Human + Elf = half elf
Human + Dwarf = halfling
Human + Tiefling = Tiefling
Not a joke really... just bragging


(sorry best I could come up with since all the bar jokes were taken)

noobiiee

What did say one bandit to the other bandit?
-Hey look that Guardian Figther going near us let's kill it...
-NO!! WAIT! A CLERIC over 9000 kms away LETS KILL IT!

ironzerg79

Nasher graffiti found scrawled on a wall in Blacklake:

"How many Neverember's does it take to change an ever burning torch? Zero. Neverember can't change a thing."

chrometigger

A dwarf goes to a resteraunt, what the first thing the seating host asks him?

Would you prefer a High Chair or a Booster.

fun4faerun

-What's the difference between an insane asylum and a band of dragon hunters?
Magic swords.

-What does a Great Wyrm call a 20th-level monk?
Fast food.

-How many rouges does it take to light a candle.
Never. Why would a rouge light a candle?

-Two gnomes walk into a bar,
The human steps over it.

-A horse walks into a bar and yells "Hey!".

-Three dragons walk into a bar... there were no survivors.

-Why did the Wizard lose his job?
His license got evoked.

-Where do adventurers eat when they're in a hurry?

THAC0 Bell.



A Werebear walks into a bar and says "I want an ale... and some nuts." The barkeep says "Why the big paws?"



A gnomish bard has an audience with the High Priest of the temple to Gruumsh and, not quite knowing what to say tries to break the ice with a joke.
"Have you heard the one about the two Half-Orc clerics?"
The High Priest replies, "I am a Half-Orc."
The gnome pauses for a moment then says, "That's OK, I'll tell it to you slowly."

kraikky

When me and my friend first started playing this game together, we did a user made quest which he selected. We ran to the start and entered the dungeon, talked to the NPC and he was german. We initially thought this was a bug and continued with the quest, however every NPC we spoke too was also german.

At the end of the quest we reviewed the quest badly as we didn't understand what was going on, and also wrote a review of it about how it was "too german" and obviously a bug. to quote my friend "On a scale of 1 to german, it was german"

It wasn't until a few days later we realised he had selected german from the language section in the quest menu, and felt really badly about our review.

hokyshirt

Idea for an ambient conversation among townspeople:

Townsperson 1: "Since where have there been so many good drow?"
Townsperson 2: "Good point. Do'Urden must be a really common name, too..."

rakeleer

Did you hear about the Dark Elf that lost his entire savings when the market crashed?

Apparently, all his investments were in the Drow Jones.

thatpage

I've endured blistering winds and scorching desserts, I've climbed the highest towers and fought legions of undead, I've slain all manner of vile beasts and return unscathed...

-you were killed by a house cat-

furushu

Wanna hear a joke ? Neverwinter customer support

cake98

Companions would be good they said, they would help you out a lot they said. Dies every 10 seconds, thus making you die as well. #trollcleric

stockyfrog14

A horde of orcs is wandering through the countryside looking for towns to pillage when the chieftain spots a lone dwarf standing on a rocky outcropping atop a nearby hill.
The dwarf yells as loud as he can, "I am Bjorn Bjornson and I dare you to send your best warrior up here!"
The orc chieftain points at this best warrior and off he goes around the outcropping. The dwarf jumps down and the sounds of battle are heard. Seconds later the orc's head comes rolling down the hill.
The dwarf climbs back up and yells, "I am Bjorn Bjornson and I dare you to send your two best warriors up here!"
The orc chief points at his two best warriors and off they go. Moments later there are sounds of battle and then both orc heads come rolling down the hill.
The dwarf climbs back into view and yells again, " I AM BJORN BJORNSON AND I DARE YOU TO SEND YOUR 10 BEST WARRIORS UP HERE!!"
The orc chief waves and his 10 best warriors run around the outcropping. After a few seconds, all 10 heads come rolling down the hill.
The dwarf climbs back up on the outcropping and yells, "I AM BJORN BJORNSON AND I DARE YOU TO SEND YOUR 100 BEST WARRIORS UP HERE!!"
The orc chief motions and 100 orcs charge up the hill. The clash of weapons starts ringing down the hill and dozens of orc heads start bouncing across the ground.
Eventually, one orc comes running back down and starts screaming, "Boss, it's a trap! Dere's two of dem!"

helomonea

Ok im a bit bad at jokes but here is something sort of funny that happened when i was playing tabletop D&D

our party was just a ranger, a barbarian/fighter (i forgot which) and me a paladin. we had infiltrated a keep and killed a drow, which my brother (barbarian/fighter) makes the stupid mistake of using the drow's armor.so we entered this crystal mine and came across a Dryad. we kill it but in the process out little dwarf tank has gotten himself almost killed. I go to 'lay on hands' him and then i get told by the DM that my god does not want me to do that. so, ignoring the whole party's requests to take him to a temple to get healed. i last righted... and that's why my bro stopped playing

ohh an quick joke
why did the dwarf cross the road? there was no ale on his side

skylrone

qcwheeler wrote: »

An elf, a human and a dwarf are all enjoying drinks in the fallen Tower tavern when each notices a fly in their glass.
The elf places his napkin over the glass and pushes it off to the side.
The human removes the fly and keeps drinking.
The dwarf pulls out the fly and starts yelling, "Spit it out, ya *******! Spit it out!"

Now that is funny!

m33g

A blind wizard walks into the magic store, as the wizard starts swinging his pet dog around in the air, just like a lasso, the store clerk asks the wizard if he needs any help.. The wizard reply's : Nah thanks i'm just looking around

pseudooalias

Bro #1:"We killed the dragon! We killed the Dragon! We ... we're never going to have girlfriends, are we?"

Bro #2: "Don't look so down dude. At least Sarah's playing with us again."

Bro #1: "Yeah but she hasn't passed on a single rare. She can't even use half of them."

Bro #2: I have a two-part question. a) Are you kidding me? and 2) Are you freaking kidding me!? I'd be really mad if she wasn't a girl."

Bro #1: *sigh* "You're right, man I don't get women."

Bro #2: "Dude, don't try to understand girls. Women understand women and they hate each other."

Sarah: "What are you guys talking about?"

Bro #1: "Nothing, we we're just saying how awesome it is that we killed that dragon."

Sarah: "Yeah, but I did most of the work. You guys really might want to improve your gear."

Bros: -facepalm-

Bro #2: "And maybe after that we can take an Ariel tour of Neverwinter on your flying pig!"

Sarah: My mount's an Inferno Nightmare not a boar...

Bro #2: -facepalm- Yup of course it is.

Bro #1: Dude you might as well give up. It's like trying to make a pile of water. It's just not gonna happen..."

Sarah: "You guys keep mubeling stuff and I can't hea... Oh wow this kobold just dropped this +11 Vorpal God's Sword."

Bros: "And esc... and exit."



- Live Well and Have Fun Everyone!

dromiris

A warrior comes home very drunk from the pub with a Duck under his arm, his wife answers the door "what's this?" The warrior replies "this is the dragon i've been shaggin'" The angry wife shouts "That is not a Dragon that is a duck" The warrior looks at her and says "I was talking to the duck!"

despot1990

It was a dark and nerdy night my friends and I had gathered for some DnD, We'd been playin' episodically and had finished an adventure the week before so this one was new. After the cliche of go to tavern meet up locate adventure hook, We headed of for the mansion of a deposed land baron who had a thing for gargoyles both outside and in. the mansion was quiet until we reached a sitting room and were promptly set upon by a dozen or so, They were easy for most of us save for our groups samurai. You see he'd cornered one of the buggers and began his attack (botched horrendously) and struck himself removing the majority of his hit points in the process then he attempted to end his turn at wich I reminded him he still possessed another attack and that he would not likely botch again,I was wrong

papare33

A rogue walks into a pole, banned for exploiting.
The Zen store.
Neverwinter is polished.
Great weapon fighters are viable.
Rogues are balanced.

gigarayzor

The Forgotten Realms is now so popular that it's being renamed "The Remembered Realms."

Why are wizards always so thin? Because they're the best at self-Control.

Neverwinter? I barely know 'er!

In an effort to attract more tourists to Neverwinter, Lord Neverember has decided to rename The Chasm to The Never-Canyon, and rebrand Quorthon's portal system as a madness-themed amusement park ride.

purplecannon

A dwarf and human are questing together when they reach a small town.
The human asks the dwarf, "Do you have any silver you can spare? I need to get some supplies."
The dwarf replies, "Sorry but I'm a little short."

rkrider

So my wife's been getting a bit uppity lately.... something about never seeing me since Neverwinter launched,

She comes home last night late, comes downstairs and asks;
"So you'd pay $10 to get a weapon that would crumble any building around?"

Somewhat excited, I agreed.
"For $50 you'd expect to ride around like a prince and smash everything?!"

Maybe she's finally seeing the light "Yes...Yes.." I happily respond.

"How much could you smash with $25,000?" she asks with a wiry grin

I look at her with eyes glazed over... heck a spider mount for each foot! Two epic swords, one to show, one to go...I had to know!!!

She says "...go look in the garage..." and walks away....

dopyppenguin

What do you call 1000 dwarves buried up to their necks in sand?

Someone ran out of sand.

vorphied

Q: How did the celebrity hair stylist save magic in the Realms?
A: He was the only one who could fix Mystra's Weave.

teflonpaladin12

Two drow walk into a bar with smug grins on their faces. The tender asks what is so funny. The first drow says "My friend here just told me a funny spider joke, and I LOLthed."

::smirks::

lewanogir