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Share some clean-ish D&D Jokes....

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  • aandrethegiantaandrethegiant Member Posts: 3,369 Arc User
    edited May 2012
    Happy Mother's Day to all you Moms out there (a day early so you can send this video out to Moms, for those that like it...) :)

    A digital Mother's Day card you won't soon forget... (this is certainly what life's like in the Aandre household on holidays, lol...)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhcA4Ry65FU&feature=fvw

    TYRS PALADIUM - A Premier Neverwinter Online Guild
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  • galvayragalvayra Member, Neverwinter Beta Users Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited June 2012
    A barbarian walks towards a desert, when he reaches the edge he finds a sign saying "No water for the next 200 miles"

    He pull out his canteen, pours all the water out and says "Seems like a dumb rule to me"
    "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts."
  • endingdawnendingdawn Member Posts: 61
    edited August 2012
    Forgive me if this offends any true D&D Roleplayers, the paper ones im meaning. But if you want to laugh at D&D I suggest finding and watching the Movie " Dorkness Rising" Very very funny.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ohk5Swy-04
  • gillrmngillrmn Member Posts: 7,800 Arc User
    edited August 2012
    endingdawn wrote: »
    Forgive me if this offends any true D&D Roleplayers, the paper ones im meaning. But if you want to laugh at D&D I suggest finding and watching the Movie " Dorkness Rising" Very very funny.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ohk5Swy-04

    Yeah had seen it before :)
    Its a nice fan made movie. My best part was when (monk?) rolls a 1 near that necromancer villain.
    There were a few more fan made things on DnD iirc. There was oots, then those funny cartoons, there was that old wives tales something... and one with evil red mage - the 8-bit one...

    too many to remember them all (but one ring to rule them all... lol).

    EDIT: oops tiefling will kill me for forgetting this...
    oh! and never split the party - can't find that one
  • aeroth001aeroth001 Member Posts: 420 Bounty Hunter
    edited August 2012
    well i don't wanna be a prick but this reminds me of something

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NmZY-SDKV0

    4:10
  • gillrmngillrmn Member Posts: 7,800 Arc User
    edited August 2012
    aeroth001 wrote: »
    well i don't wanna be a prick but this reminds me of something

    ...

    4:10

    Well, my most of the gaming experience is DnD and RP centric so I don't get what he is talking about. I feel like having rolled a 1 on saves after looking at Cthulhu...
  • gillrmngillrmn Member Posts: 7,800 Arc User
    edited August 2012
    With a lot of PvP talk, here I present the best duel I ever liked:-

    The duel
  • aeroth001aeroth001 Member Posts: 420 Bounty Hunter
    edited August 2012
    well he is actualy only joking :p

    athene is allways making fun and joking
  • aandrethegiantaandrethegiant Member Posts: 3,369 Arc User
    edited August 2012
    Two dwarves walk into a bar with a giraffe and the dwarves and the giraffe drink for the next three hours, until the giraffe finally passes out on the floor. The two dwarves, now drunk, never even notice as they finish their drinks and head out the door.

    Then, the bartender yells,"Hey, you're not gonna leave that lyin' on the floor, are ya..?"

    Hearing that, one of the dwarves spins around and says,"THAT AIN'T A 'LION', IT'S A GIRAFFE, YA DUMB B@STARD..!"

    TYRS PALADIUM - A Premier Neverwinter Online Guild
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  • aandrethegiantaandrethegiant Member Posts: 3,369 Arc User
    edited August 2012
    A dwarf had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar is closing. So the dwarf stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting,

    "So, you've been out drinking again!!"

    "What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look.

    "The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."

    TYRS PALADIUM - A Premier Neverwinter Online Guild
    No Drama. Camaraderie. TEAM Focus. That's the TYRS way. If that's your style, come join us!
    Research our Guild here: Read our official Recruitment thread | Sign up here: Tyrs Guild Website! | NEVERWINTER GUILD LEADERS: Join the Fellowship!
  • ruikesan85ruikesan85 Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian Users Posts: 108 Bounty Hunter
    edited December 2012
    An elf walks into a tavern, bets 500gp no one can drink 10 dwarven ales in a row.
    The tavern patrons fall silent, one dwarf even gets up and leaves.
    Half an hour later he comes back and asks the elf: "Does yer offer still stand?"
    "Aye", says the elf and orders the drinks. Sure enough, the dwarf downs them all in rapid succession, not wasting a single drop.
    Afterwards the elf pays him and says: "My congratulations, but you do have to tell me, why did you leave at first?"
    "Well", the dwarf says, "I went to the inn across th' street, had to see if I could do it first."
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • ruikesan85ruikesan85 Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian Users Posts: 108 Bounty Hunter
    edited December 2012
    A dwarf walks into a bar and orders three pints of ale, and takes them back to a table where he sits alone, sipping them one by one. After he finishes them all, he returns for a refill.

    "You know," the bartender says, "they go flat fairly soon after I pour them. If you order them one at a time, the flavor will be better." The dwarf replies that he has two brothers, one back in Ironforge and one traveling the world with the Explorer's League, and that the three of them used to drink together, and before they parted ways they promised each other that they'd drink their ale this way to remember the good old days. The bartender agrees that this seems like a fine custom, and leaves it at that.

    The dwarf becomes a regular at the bar, befriending the locals and always drinking his ale three pints at a time. One day, however, he comes in and orders only two pints of ale. Everyone notices, and a somber silence falls over the bar. Soon he returns to the bartender to refill his two pints.

    "I don't mean to intrude on you in your time of grief," the bartender says, "but you have my greatest sympathy for your loss."

    The dwarf looks confused for several moments before realization dawns in his eyes. "Oh, no no no!" he says, laughing. "Me brothers are fine, don't ye worry. I've just quit drinkin'."
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • ruikesan85ruikesan85 Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian Users Posts: 108 Bounty Hunter
    edited December 2012
    An orc army is marching across the land when they see a dwarf on top of a hill give the Commander the bird.

    The orc orders two of his soldiers to kill the dwarf. The dwarf runs away down the back of the hill and the soldiers follow. A few quick thumps later and the dwarf comes back up the hill, yelling obscenities at the orcs.

    Enraged, the orc sends 10 soldiers to kill him. They run up and over the hill chasing the dwarf. A minute or two of battle can be heard over the hill while the captain listens in awe. When it goes silent the dwarf comes back up the hill without a scratch. He starts insulting the commander again calling him and his whole family weak.

    The orc sends half his remaining forces back up and over the hill to kill the insolent dwarf. Minutes go by with clanging and crashing heard round the hill. The sound grows dim and when the orc looks up he sees only one soldier come back up, running in terror. The commander yells at him, "What in the nine hells is going on over there?" The soldier, still running yells back "Its a trap, there's two of em!"
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • stormdrag0nstormdrag0n Member Posts: 3,222 Arc User
    edited December 2012
    Elf and dwarf standing on a bridge waiting for the rest of the party

    Elf: I didn't know you knew stinking cloud?
    Dwarf: I don't
    Always Looking for mature laidback players/rpers for Dungeon Delves!
  • aandrethegiantaandrethegiant Member Posts: 3,369 Arc User
    edited December 2012
    On a beautiful 92 degree sunny afternoon, a human took a jog around the market and saw a half orc painting the outside of her home.

    She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall. She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For best results, put on two coats"

    TYRS PALADIUM - A Premier Neverwinter Online Guild
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    Research our Guild here: Read our official Recruitment thread | Sign up here: Tyrs Guild Website! | NEVERWINTER GUILD LEADERS: Join the Fellowship!
  • aandrethegiantaandrethegiant Member Posts: 3,369 Arc User
    edited December 2012
    "Cleric, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'", says the gnome bard. The human cleric said: "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome..." "Is it common?" asked the gnome. 'It's not unusual' he replied.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSCnHtugSWg

    TYRS PALADIUM - A Premier Neverwinter Online Guild
    No Drama. Camaraderie. TEAM Focus. That's the TYRS way. If that's your style, come join us!
    Research our Guild here: Read our official Recruitment thread | Sign up here: Tyrs Guild Website! | NEVERWINTER GUILD LEADERS: Join the Fellowship!
  • gillrmngillrmn Member Posts: 7,800 Arc User
    edited December 2012
    A gelatinous cube walks into the bar .... but while going out it is not able to squeeze itself. Firemen come to the rescue but find that their iron axes won't work as the door's frame is covered by a part of the cube. The fireman says, "Ask them to push you out!"

    The gelatinous cube says - "but there is nobody inside!" not anymore!
  • aandrethegiantaandrethegiant Member Posts: 3,369 Arc User
    edited January 2013
    An elf, standing naked in front of the mirror:
    "Two inches longer, and I would be king among men."

    His wife from the bed:
    "Darling, two inches shorter, and you would be queen among men."

    TYRS PALADIUM - A Premier Neverwinter Online Guild
    No Drama. Camaraderie. TEAM Focus. That's the TYRS way. If that's your style, come join us!
    Research our Guild here: Read our official Recruitment thread | Sign up here: Tyrs Guild Website! | NEVERWINTER GUILD LEADERS: Join the Fellowship!
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