An orc, an elf, and a dwarf find themselves being granted wishes by an Efreeti.
The orc says, "We orcs need to return to power. I wish all the orcs and half-orcs were returned to their ancient lands." The Efreeti nods his head, and the orc vanishes.
The elf says, "The elves need to get back to their roots. I wish all the elves and half-elves were returned to their ancestral home." The Efreeti nods his head, and the elf vanishes.
The dwarf looks around. "Let me get this straight," the dwarf says, "the orc wished for all the orcs to be gone, and the elf wished for all the elves to be gone?" The Efreeti nods. "Very well, then," said the dwarf, "I'll have an ale."
A Rogue Halfling gets blasted by a force trap flies across, hitting the wall near death and incapacitated on the floor. A Sexy female Paladin with huge <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> come up “Don’t worry I got Lay on Hands, I can save you!”
She crests a soft un-gloved hand on the side of Halfling’s head -Bloop! Heal
The Halfling opens one eyes and gasps “Thank you but my shoulder feels smashed. Can you…”
She than touches the Halflings shoulder -Bloop! Halfling moves his arm says “My ribs it’s painful to…”
-Bloop! She next softly runs her hand down to the Halfling’s torso and the tingling feel of heal magic takes effect.
The Halfling pauses, looks down lower at his loins, than asks her to come close. He whisper something in her ear.
-Slaap!
Learn from this halfing rogue’s build mistake. Always keep your Bluff skill maxxed.
A drow, a tiefling, and a half-orc are standing on the roof of a burning building. Their only possible escape is to jump into a blanket held by a group of humans on the streets below.
The drow is the first to approach the edge. "Jump!" yell the humans. "It's your only chance!"
Seeing no other alternative, the drow jumps off the roof. The humans pull away the blanket, leaving the drow to splat on the street, dead.
Next is the tiefling. "Come on, you have to jump!" the humans shout.
"I don't think so," the tiefling responds. "You're just going to pull away the blanket and leave me to die!"
"No we're not!" the humans yell back. "It's just drow we don't like. We're fine with tieflings!"
Convinced, the tiefling jumps off and goes splat as the humans pull back the blanket.
Only the half-orc remains on top of the burning building. "Hurry up and jump or you're gonna burn!" the humans shout.
"Nothing you humans say is gonna convince me you won't pull away the blanket," the half-orc responds. "So before I jump, I want you to set the blanket on the ground and back away."
Lady of Pain, I adore you
Right from the night I first saw you
My heart has been yearning for you
What else could any heart do?
Lady of Pain, I'm appealing
Why should my lips be concealing
All that my eyes are revealing?
Lady of Pain, I love you!
Night in Sigil, black and tender
Outlands moons makes silver splendor
Music throbbing, plaintive sobbing notes of a guitar
While ardent caballeros serenade
Lady of Pain, I adore you
Right from the night I first saw you
My heart has been yearning for you
What else could any heart do?
Lady of Pain, I'm appealing
Why should my lips be concealing
All that my eyes are revealing?
Lady of Pain, I love you!
It's time for Meglomaniacs!
And the're crazy to the max.
So just slip prone when attacked.
You'll gasp 'till you collapse!
They're Meglomaniacs!
Come join the dragon defilers
And the wizards who now rot.
Just for fun, the suck the life of everything you've got.
They lock us in the dungeon
when insurgents are all caught.
But they break loose with sun chartruse, and that's a deadly plot!
They're meglomaniacs!
Sacha's cruel and Dregoth attacks!
Balic packs away in stacks,
as trolls futilly attack.
The're meglomaniacs!
Meet Boris and Rajaat, who want to rule the Multiverse.
Tyr states flocked together, Myron got wacked by others first.
Uyness chases Orcborn,
who were not very diverse.
The halflings flipped
we're not equipped
why bother to converse?
They're meglomaniacs!
They have flay or slay dark pacts!
They're crazy to the max
there's no food in our packs!
The're Megloman-y
Totally Insane-y
Despotic Reign-y
They're Meglomaniacs!
Epic Attacks!
They're meglomaniacs!
They have flay or slay dark pacts!
They're crazy to the max
there's no food in our packs!
The're Megloman-y
Totally Insane-y
Despotic Reign-y
They're Meglomaniacs!
Epic Attacks!
Your soitinely a natural, Truth! Well, that last verse somehow reminded me of Curly..
... which means Aandre's Cleanish D&D jokes thread go back in time when Moe, Larry and Curly ruled the TV screens across the land.
And for you youngins who think Sean Hayes, Chris Diamantopoulos and Will Sasso ARE the Three Stooges (they were pretty amazing imho), nobody, and I mean nobody, can beat the originals!
Your soitinely a natural, Truth! Well, that last verse somehow reminded me of Curly..
... which means Aandre's Cleanish D&D jokes thread go back in time when Moe, Larry and Curly ruled the TV screens across the land.
And for you youngins who think Sean Hayes, Chris Diamantopoulos and Will Sasso ARE the Three Stooges (they were pretty amazing imho), nobody, and I mean nobody, can beat the originals!
TY for sharing this with out younger generation who may have never seen the OS (Original Stooges) and I am soitinely a Curly indeed! (I even have that kind of hair in RL!)
(True fact: "Moe" and "Curly" were brothers and "Shemp" was their cousin.)
There were three men who were lost in a jungle, a human, an elf and a halfling. They were captured by the local tribe of catfolk cannibals. The cannibal queen told the prisoners that they could live if they passed the trial. The first step of the trial was to go into the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So the halfling, the human and the elf all went separate ways to gather fruits.
The elf came back and said to the queen, "I brought ten apples."
The queen then explains the trial to him - you have to shove the fruits up your <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten.
The first apple went in... but on the second one, the elf winced in pain, so he was killed and went to the great beyond.
The human arrives with ten berries. When the queen explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... but on the ninth berry, the human burst out in laughter, therefore also was killed.
The elf and the human met in the great beyond. The elf asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"
The human replied, "I couldn't help it. I saw the halfling coming with pineapples."
Comments
The orc says, "We orcs need to return to power. I wish all the orcs and half-orcs were returned to their ancient lands." The Efreeti nods his head, and the orc vanishes.
The elf says, "The elves need to get back to their roots. I wish all the elves and half-elves were returned to their ancestral home." The Efreeti nods his head, and the elf vanishes.
The dwarf looks around. "Let me get this straight," the dwarf says, "the orc wished for all the orcs to be gone, and the elf wished for all the elves to be gone?" The Efreeti nods. "Very well, then," said the dwarf, "I'll have an ale."
10. You forgot the one who IS the ladder
I thought of a variation, and it's even more terrible than the original!
"A fighter, paladin, and a wizard walk into a bar. The druid ducks."
See? He "ducked." Because he's a druid. And they transf...oh...I'm awful. Kill me now.
The death knight proudly declares :
“This month, I slaughtered 99 paladins and one cleric !”
The cleric says :
“One cleric ?”
The Death knight looks at the paladin and says :
“You see ? Nobody cares about paladins.”
Kill... lady of pain...
*gets thrown to planar maze*
No sorry I tried to talk to you ... noooo!
That's wrong on so many levels... yet still somehow funny.
http://oi47.tinypic.com/2upqq1d.jpg
Sorry, Danny
Because two Wongs don't make a Wight.
She crests a soft un-gloved hand on the side of Halfling’s head -Bloop! Heal
The Halfling opens one eyes and gasps “Thank you but my shoulder feels smashed. Can you…”
She than touches the Halflings shoulder -Bloop! Halfling moves his arm says “My ribs it’s painful to…”
-Bloop! She next softly runs her hand down to the Halfling’s torso and the tingling feel of heal magic takes effect.
The Halfling pauses, looks down lower at his loins, than asks her to come close. He whisper something in her ear.
-Slaap!
Learn from this halfing rogue’s build mistake. Always keep your Bluff skill maxxed.
The drow is the first to approach the edge. "Jump!" yell the humans. "It's your only chance!"
Seeing no other alternative, the drow jumps off the roof. The humans pull away the blanket, leaving the drow to splat on the street, dead.
Next is the tiefling. "Come on, you have to jump!" the humans shout.
"I don't think so," the tiefling responds. "You're just going to pull away the blanket and leave me to die!"
"No we're not!" the humans yell back. "It's just drow we don't like. We're fine with tieflings!"
Convinced, the tiefling jumps off and goes splat as the humans pull back the blanket.
Only the half-orc remains on top of the burning building. "Hurry up and jump or you're gonna burn!" the humans shout.
"Nothing you humans say is gonna convince me you won't pull away the blanket," the half-orc responds. "So before I jump, I want you to set the blanket on the ground and back away."
Because it's a joke thread meant I didn't do my chant here. But since it's a joke thread, parody qualifies...
I could never kill you, M' Lady, since I love you!
(Sung to the theme of "The Lady of Spain")
Lady of Pain, I adore you
Right from the night I first saw you
My heart has been yearning for you
What else could any heart do?
Lady of Pain, I'm appealing
Why should my lips be concealing
All that my eyes are revealing?
Lady of Pain, I love you!
Night in Sigil, black and tender
Outlands moons makes silver splendor
Music throbbing, plaintive sobbing notes of a guitar
While ardent caballeros serenade
Lady of Pain, I adore you
Right from the night I first saw you
My heart has been yearning for you
What else could any heart do?
Lady of Pain, I'm appealing
Why should my lips be concealing
All that my eyes are revealing?
Lady of Pain, I love you!
Now I am scared of you more than the lady...
*shivers*
Eddie Freikin Fisher!?
My mom loves you!!!! :eek::D:D:eek:
The last song written by the infamous "Lost Bard", Edward of Fishington:
Lady of Pain, I adore you
Although no one ever has saw you
I'm trapped in a maze in the Ethereal for you
What else could your worshipers do?
Lady of Pain, I'm still bleeding
What is your shadow concealing?
It's so sharp that my skin is peeling
Lady of Pain, I love you.
Yeah, normaly I'd "Weird Al" a parody to the nines, but Eddie was just too pure to change that much. But the next one, I will.
Speaking of, here's a Dark Sun one I did...
[From a Wizards' Forum post Originally]
(Sung to the theme of "Animaniacs," The WB animated show: )
It's time for Meglomaniacs!
And the're crazy to the max.
So just slip prone when attacked.
You'll gasp 'till you collapse!
They're Meglomaniacs!
Come join the dragon defilers
And the wizards who now rot.
Just for fun, the suck the life of everything you've got.
They lock us in the dungeon
when insurgents are all caught.
But they break loose with sun chartruse, and that's a deadly plot!
They're meglomaniacs!
Sacha's cruel and Dregoth attacks!
Balic packs away in stacks,
as trolls futilly attack.
The're meglomaniacs!
Meet Boris and Rajaat, who want to rule the Multiverse.
Tyr states flocked together, Myron got wacked by others first.
Uyness chases Orcborn,
who were not very diverse.
The halflings flipped
we're not equipped
why bother to converse?
They're meglomaniacs!
They have flay or slay dark pacts!
They're crazy to the max
there's no food in our packs!
The're Megloman-y
Totally Insane-y
Despotic Reign-y
They're Meglomaniacs!
Epic Attacks!
Your soitinely a natural, Truth! Well, that last verse somehow reminded me of Curly..
... which means Aandre's Cleanish D&D jokes thread go back in time when Moe, Larry and Curly ruled the TV screens across the land.
And for you youngins who think Sean Hayes, Chris Diamantopoulos and Will Sasso ARE the Three Stooges (they were pretty amazing imho), nobody, and I mean nobody, can beat the originals!
Raw Oyster Soup anyone?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIOCKcOYJT8
TY for sharing this with out younger generation who may have never seen the OS (Original Stooges) and I am soitinely a Curly indeed! (I even have that kind of hair in RL!)
(True fact: "Moe" and "Curly" were brothers and "Shemp" was their cousin.)
But you can call her Dot. Call 'er "Dotty" and ya die.
I'll share with you one of my favorite scenes.... now has anyone seen that Tallywhacker?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmHTcR2kHfY
This new website. b:bye
TYRS PALADIUM - A Premier Neverwinter Online Guild
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/golf clap
BlueEyedDevil
We fear change.
There were three men who were lost in a jungle, a human, an elf and a halfling. They were captured by the local tribe of catfolk cannibals. The cannibal queen told the prisoners that they could live if they passed the trial. The first step of the trial was to go into the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So the halfling, the human and the elf all went separate ways to gather fruits.
The elf came back and said to the queen, "I brought ten apples."
The queen then explains the trial to him - you have to shove the fruits up your <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten.
The first apple went in... but on the second one, the elf winced in pain, so he was killed and went to the great beyond.
The human arrives with ten berries. When the queen explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... but on the ninth berry, the human burst out in laughter, therefore also was killed.
The elf and the human met in the great beyond. The elf asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"
The human replied, "I couldn't help it. I saw the halfling coming with pineapples."
TYRS PALADIUM - A Premier Neverwinter Online Guild
No Drama. Camaraderie. TEAM Focus. That's the TYRS way. If that's your style, come join us!
Research our Guild here: Read our official Recruitment thread | Sign up here: Tyrs Guild Website! | NEVERWINTER GUILD LEADERS: Join the Fellowship!