My entry was originally going to involve scared children, dead bodies, and the ship's bowling alley. Then I thought up something involving transporters (but not the personal transporter for your weapons similar to what someone else already did). The bowling alley may come up in a future challenge.
I've also found that a lot of my minor characters have bland, boring names, so I named a security officer after a college engineering professor. I can still remember him trying to force some sort of discipline on us (and free body diagrams).
I haven't thought about casting yet - I'll have to get back to you. The only immediate fit would be that Captain Carter could be played by the bald guy who was the captain of the Daedalus from Stargate Atlantis (no clue what his name is).
The only immediate fit would be that Captain Carter could be played by the bald guy who was the captain of the Daedalus from Stargate Atlantis (no clue what his name is).
Sir Reginald Baldington Esq. Oh, no...Micheal Beach.
My entry was originally going to involve scared children, dead bodies, and the ship's bowling alley. Then I thought up something involving transporters (but not the personal transporter for your weapons similar to what someone else already did). The bowling alley may come up in a future challenge.
I've also found that a lot of my minor characters have bland, boring names, so I named a security officer after a college engineering professor. I can still remember him trying to force some sort of discipline on us (and free body diagrams).
I haven't thought about casting yet - I'll have to get back to you. The only immediate fit would be that Captain Carter could be played by the bald guy who was the captain of the Daedalus from Stargate Atlantis (no clue what his name is).
Awesome entry, and nice set up for some serious intrigue and future shenanigans
I sometimes 'build names' from others I've seen or heard. S'rR's, for example, was originally my take on how a Pentaxian would write 'Sarris' (the bad guy in Galaxy Quest) When I decided that friends would call her Siri (after the software, of course) I decided that the pronunciation should be 'Cirrus' instead. Equally, Ryan Lambert was a character name I saw while flicking through a 'chick lit' book in a store, and thought sounded cool, I just modified it to Rynar to reflect his QuchHa Klingon heritage. Sometimes, I just combine names of people I know (which gave me Nicola Devereaux)... giving minor characters as much backstory (even if only you know it) keeps them from being 'minor' and boring
Sometimes, I just combine names of people I know (which gave me Nicola Devereaux)... giving minor characters as much backstory (even if only you know it) keeps them from being 'minor' and boring
I've thought about this for my BOffs as well. I'm only dipping into the pool of ST fiction so naturally I'm focused on Kathryn, but I should start letting my crew get some story as well.
It looks like I have some research ahead of me :P
Although I wasn't too inspired by the topic I have thoroughly enjoyed reading everyone else's ideas!
I've thought about this for my BOffs as well. I'm only dipping into the pool of ST fiction so naturally I'm focused on Kathryn, but I should start letting my crew get some story as well.
It looks like I have some research ahead of me :P
I've found it helpful to think up two or three lines worth of backstory for Khas' BOffs. A sentence to describe their disposition, a sentence to describe how they relate to the Captain, and a sentence with a very vague background or some personal quirk. Make it the BOff's bio and you'll be able to keep track of it pretty easily. It gives you a good foundation to build from as you develop the characters.
Just as an example, I'll paraphrase Tarayl's bio:
Tarayl is Khas' scarred and cheerfully sociopathic unjoined Trill chief science officer. She respects Khas' dispassionate pragmatism and generally horrible outlook, while Khas find her tendency to try and weaponize the ship's auxiliary systems both valuable and amusing. Tarayl has some prior experience as a heavy weapons specialist.
I've thought about this for my BOffs as well. I'm only dipping into the pool of ST fiction so naturally I'm focused on Kathryn, but I should start letting my crew get some story as well.
It looks like I have some research ahead of me :P
Although I wasn't too inspired by the topic I have thoroughly enjoyed reading everyone else's ideas!
Sometimes inspiration can strike from unlikely sources And likewise, my initial thought was "Nova Class ships don't have a deck thirteen..." That's what I like about these challenges, it makes me adapt rather than planning ahead
I've made some changes, refined the dialogue, smoothed some elements, just tried to polish it some more and give it more depth, as it was when I originally wrote it before the laptop crashes required latenight re-writing... Any additional feedback would be gratefully received
As some of you know, I'm writing a longer story, filling in my character's back story.
Today, I was able to finish off a foundry mission for an event that will take place in my story. If you are the type to do foundry missions, I'd appreciate a review
Under the Review Content tab, search for "The Empty Shell Shuttle Incident" by @bort1980.
I have also read and enjoyed all but one of the entries.
Mine. I should ahve left it until not tired and dome something at least decent.
Here is some (hopefully) constructive feedback on your entry.
The best way to get better at writing is to write. You are talking with anonymous people, so what's the harm in posting something and getting feedback?
It might be better to identify the main character's species earlier. I read it and assumed she was Gorn.
Give hints as to why the Ferasan feels out of place. Maybe the Klingons are suspicious of her and wouldn't let others of her kind join her onboard. Or the other Ferasan died in a previous engagement with the Federation.
You might want to consider a stronger conclusion, or a cliff hanger to be resolved in the next literary challenge. Maybe the central computer exploded after the Reman left, or she dropped a grenade, or muttered something about revenge.
Here is some (hopefully) constructive feedback on your entry.
You might want to consider a stronger conclusion, or a cliff hanger to be resolved in the next literary challenge. Maybe the central computer exploded after the Reman left, or she dropped a grenade, or muttered something about revenge.
This is good advice and one I should follow as well. At the same time, the Reman's presence (being a violation) lends to the mystery of the post which speaks directly to the overall topic. I assumed it to *be* a cliffhanger.
As myself an example, I'm still under personal pressure to work on a follow-up to LC35!
I know I havent' done these in a while, mainly because I didn't find them interesting, I felt they were too much of a tie-in to something in-game or IRL, which isn't what I RP for.
I personally RP to create a situation quite unlike anything else happening at that point in time, I prefer these kind of random scenarios. Consider it feedback and take it as you will Branflakes.
Hope you all enjoyed my first part of Haunted, I'm going to go for it and try to find a Star Trek explanation for these happenings without it being "oh look it was a cloaked person all along." Also if you read my entry for the First Contact premise, expect some tie-ins, as well as general creepiness (I was starting to creep myself out, doesn't help being alone in the dark...:eek:).
Please give me feedback on how you feel I could improve (or just say how much you like it if you want, its all good). I take RP seriosuly and would love constructive feedback.
Krovennan Darksabre: Commanding officer of the U.S.S. Blacksabre-E NX-973484-E
I earned my Vet rewards with commitment, not cash.
I know I havent' done these in a while, mainly because I didn't find them interesting, I felt they were too much of a tie-in to something in-game or IRL, which isn't what I RP for.
Now's a good time to admit that my characters in the literary challenges are not the same ones I have in STO. I found it easier to make up new characters than to fit my perfect, undefeated STO vice admiral into short stories where I originally intended on killing off most of the crew.
OK...I'm not sure what weird little brain cell this idea came out of, but I dreamed this captain up (literally, while half asleep) last night, and I had to write him.
Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM for more. :-) Proudly F2P.Signature image by gulberat. Avatar image by balsavor.deviantart.com.
OK...I'm not sure what weird little brain cell this idea came out of, but I dreamed this captain up (literally, while half asleep) last night, and I had to write him.
I gotta say, I'm impressed. That's really cool. You best be using this for somethin'.
After all, Dividian's are a mob you can use in the foundry. You can even costume over other mobs so they'll fight like them. Just sayin'... (After you finish the second part of your current mission though, of course.)
The whole experience is so "internal" that I don't think I'd be able to pull it off in the Foundry. I don't think I could ever convey Alyosha's unique perception of reality. His emotions are a big part of it...I have a feeling that without feeling what he feels, people would react very differently to him. But who knows...I might write more of Alyosha someday.
Thank you so much for reading!
Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM for more. :-) Proudly F2P.Signature image by gulberat. Avatar image by balsavor.deviantart.com.
Here is some (hopefully) constructive feedback on your entry.
The best way to get better at writing is to write. You are talking with anonymous people, so what's the harm in posting something and getting feedback?
It might be better to identify the main character's species earlier. I read it and assumed she was Gorn.
Give hints as to why the Ferasan feels out of place. Maybe the Klingons are suspicious of her and wouldn't let others of her kind join her onboard. Or the other Ferasan died in a previous engagement with the Federation.
You might want to consider a stronger conclusion, or a cliff hanger to be resolved in the next literary challenge. Maybe the central computer exploded after the Reman left, or she dropped a grenade, or muttered something about revenge.
Thank you.
I think, for once, I might redo this one. There's no 'one entry per person' rule, after all, and I know I can do better.
Also, dat Devidian story. Hat's off to you for that one.
(Just out of curiosity, how many people use their in-game characters opposed to those who make new ones? Personally, I use the ones I have in STO, which is a fairly long list)
"The halfling way of battle is simple: You jump on their face and keep stabbing until the screaming stops."
As myself an example, I'm still under personal pressure to work on a follow-up to LC35!
Hehe, I know what you mean. Ever since that first contact LC, I've been looking at ideas for the boy that Jinx was given. Beyond giving him a name, and deciding to keep him on board ship (for now at least), I still have no idea what to do with him, lol.
But, everyone who read it seemed to like the character, so I'll get round to introducing him properly sometime.
I know I havent' done these in a while, mainly because I didn't find them interesting, I felt they were too much of a tie-in to something in-game or IRL, which isn't what I RP for.
I personally RP to create a situation quite unlike anything else happening at that point in time, I prefer these kind of random scenarios. Consider it feedback and take it as you will Branflakes.
Hope you all enjoyed my first part of Haunted, I'm going to go for it and try to find a Star Trek explanation for these happenings without it being "oh look it was a cloaked person all along." Also if you read my entry for the First Contact premise, expect some tie-ins, as well as general creepiness (I was starting to creep myself out, doesn't help being alone in the dark...:eek:).
Please give me feedback on how you feel I could improve (or just say how much you like it if you want, its all good). I take RP seriosuly and would love constructive feedback.
I really enjoyed it I can't be more specific with my feedback, as I thought it was a really strong piece
OK...I'm not sure what weird little brain cell this idea came out of, but I dreamed this captain up (literally, while half asleep) last night, and I had to write him.
Hehe, I know what you mean. Ever since that first contact LC, I've been looking at ideas for the boy that Jinx was given. Beyond giving him a name, and deciding to keep him on board ship (for now at least), I still have no idea what to do with him, lol.
But, everyone who read it seemed to like the character, so I'll get round to introducing him properly sometime.
Looking forward to it :cool: I think more than anything, I like the potential within the character, and think he could be well developed Equally, I'd originally planned for Commander Lambert to be my 'bad-TRIBBLE character', but so far, (with the exception of one fist fight) he's pretty much been relegated to making 'observations and comments' :eek:
Looking forward to it :cool: I think more than anything, I like the potential within the character, and think he could be well developed Equally, I'd originally planned for Commander Lambert to be my 'bad-TRIBBLE character', but so far, (with the exception of one fist fight) he's pretty much been relegated to making 'observations and comments' :eek:
The annoying thing is I'm writing all these LCs from the perspective of my character as she is now, as opposed to my long term story I'm writing, which is currently in the 'Cadet at SFA' stage, so there is a very long time to cover before the boy could be introduced in my main story.
Perhaps, I'll just keep updating his character in snippets in the LCs, lol.
The annoying thing is I'm writing all these LCs from the perspective of my character as she is now, as opposed to my long term story I'm writing, which is currently in the 'Cadet at SFA' stage, so there is a very long time to cover before the boy could be introduced in my main story.
Perhaps, I'll just keep updating his character in snippets in the LCs, lol.
I know what you mean, I have loads of ideas which I'd like to write, but which the LCs don't touch upon, but equally, I did have fun referring to the Doctor Who manuscript in this challenge I've got an idea to write the story of Marcus' father's life, which would open up possibilities for some interesting adventures
Thank you.
I think, for once, I might redo this one. There's no 'one entry per person' rule, after all, and I know I can do better.
Actually, there is a rule to that effect. So you could simply edit your post with something completely different or make amendments. OR ... create a new thread in the forum ... there's not enough RP in the RP forum anyway :P
For my part, I am writing about my character in STO (I only have one anyway). Since I can only play about once a week, it's easy for me to develop her as she goes.
Comments
+1 - Very well done!
I've also found that a lot of my minor characters have bland, boring names, so I named a security officer after a college engineering professor. I can still remember him trying to force some sort of discipline on us (and free body diagrams).
I haven't thought about casting yet - I'll have to get back to you. The only immediate fit would be that Captain Carter could be played by the bald guy who was the captain of the Daedalus from Stargate Atlantis (no clue what his name is).
Sir Reginald Baldington Esq. Oh, no...Micheal Beach.
I sometimes 'build names' from others I've seen or heard. S'rR's, for example, was originally my take on how a Pentaxian would write 'Sarris' (the bad guy in Galaxy Quest) When I decided that friends would call her Siri (after the software, of course) I decided that the pronunciation should be 'Cirrus' instead. Equally, Ryan Lambert was a character name I saw while flicking through a 'chick lit' book in a store, and thought sounded cool, I just modified it to Rynar to reflect his QuchHa Klingon heritage. Sometimes, I just combine names of people I know (which gave me Nicola Devereaux)... giving minor characters as much backstory (even if only you know it) keeps them from being 'minor' and boring
I've thought about this for my BOffs as well. I'm only dipping into the pool of ST fiction so naturally I'm focused on Kathryn, but I should start letting my crew get some story as well.
It looks like I have some research ahead of me :P
Although I wasn't too inspired by the topic I have thoroughly enjoyed reading everyone else's ideas!
I've found it helpful to think up two or three lines worth of backstory for Khas' BOffs. A sentence to describe their disposition, a sentence to describe how they relate to the Captain, and a sentence with a very vague background or some personal quirk. Make it the BOff's bio and you'll be able to keep track of it pretty easily. It gives you a good foundation to build from as you develop the characters.
Just as an example, I'll paraphrase Tarayl's bio:
Tarayl is Khas' scarred and cheerfully sociopathic unjoined Trill chief science officer. She respects Khas' dispassionate pragmatism and generally horrible outlook, while Khas find her tendency to try and weaponize the ship's auxiliary systems both valuable and amusing. Tarayl has some prior experience as a heavy weapons specialist.
Sometimes inspiration can strike from unlikely sources
Today, I was able to finish off a foundry mission for an event that will take place in my story. If you are the type to do foundry missions, I'd appreciate a review
Under the Review Content tab, search for "The Empty Shell Shuttle Incident" by @bort1980.
Except one...
KIRA YAMATO, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS THAT I DONT
XD
"Last Engage! Magical Girl Origami-san" is in print! Now with three times more rainbows.
Support the "Armored Unicorn" vehicle initiative today!
Thanks for Harajuku. Now let's get a real "Magical Girl" costume!
Mine. I should ahve left it until not tired and dome something at least decent.
I liked it! Nothing supernatural - straightforward intruder and that works just as well.
Here is some (hopefully) constructive feedback on your entry.
This is good advice and one I should follow as well. At the same time, the Reman's presence (being a violation) lends to the mystery of the post which speaks directly to the overall topic. I assumed it to *be* a cliffhanger.
As myself an example, I'm still under personal pressure to work on a follow-up to LC35!
Is it just me or did this not make much sense? Please clarify
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
I know I havent' done these in a while, mainly because I didn't find them interesting, I felt they were too much of a tie-in to something in-game or IRL, which isn't what I RP for.
I personally RP to create a situation quite unlike anything else happening at that point in time, I prefer these kind of random scenarios. Consider it feedback and take it as you will Branflakes.
Hope you all enjoyed my first part of Haunted, I'm going to go for it and try to find a Star Trek explanation for these happenings without it being "oh look it was a cloaked person all along." Also if you read my entry for the First Contact premise, expect some tie-ins, as well as general creepiness (I was starting to creep myself out, doesn't help being alone in the dark...:eek:).
Please give me feedback on how you feel I could improve (or just say how much you like it if you want, its all good). I take RP seriosuly and would love constructive feedback.
I earned my Vet rewards with commitment, not cash.
Now's a good time to admit that my characters in the literary challenges are not the same ones I have in STO. I found it easier to make up new characters than to fit my perfect, undefeated STO vice admiral into short stories where I originally intended on killing off most of the crew.
http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/showpost.php?p=7471081&postcount=15
Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM for more. :-)
Proudly F2P. Signature image by gulberat. Avatar image by balsavor.deviantart.com.
I gotta say, I'm impressed. That's really cool. You best be using this for somethin'.
After all, Dividian's are a mob you can use in the foundry. You can even costume over other mobs so they'll fight like them. Just sayin'... (After you finish the second part of your current mission though, of course.)
Thank you so much for reading!
Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM for more. :-)
Proudly F2P. Signature image by gulberat. Avatar image by balsavor.deviantart.com.
Thank you.
I think, for once, I might redo this one. There's no 'one entry per person' rule, after all, and I know I can do better.
Also, dat Devidian story. Hat's off to you for that one.
(Just out of curiosity, how many people use their in-game characters opposed to those who make new ones? Personally, I use the ones I have in STO, which is a fairly long list)
Hehe, I know what you mean. Ever since that first contact LC, I've been looking at ideas for the boy that Jinx was given. Beyond giving him a name, and deciding to keep him on board ship (for now at least), I still have no idea what to do with him, lol.
But, everyone who read it seemed to like the character, so I'll get round to introducing him properly sometime.
The annoying thing is I'm writing all these LCs from the perspective of my character as she is now, as opposed to my long term story I'm writing, which is currently in the 'Cadet at SFA' stage, so there is a very long time to cover before the boy could be introduced in my main story.
Perhaps, I'll just keep updating his character in snippets in the LCs, lol.
Actually, there is a rule to that effect.
For my part, I am writing about my character in STO (I only have one anyway). Since I can only play about once a week, it's easy for me to develop her as she goes.