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Favorite bit of doffing silliness?

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  • starswordcstarswordc Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
    edited July 2014
    I got a Nausicaan botanist.

    What could have happened to cause this poor Nausicaan to turn to a life of botany?

    Barbarians don't have star empires. Even the Klingons need accountants.
    "Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
    — Sabaton, "Great War"
    VZ9ASdg.png

    Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
  • rattler2rattler2 Member, Star Trek Online Moderator Posts: 58,596 Community Moderator
    edited July 2014
    I regularly send Dr. Sybak to sickbay with various injuries. Poor guy is a klutz... I swear. :D
    db80k0m-89201ed8-eadb-45d3-830f-bb2f0d4c0fe7.png?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7InBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcL2ExOGQ4ZWM2LTUyZjQtNDdiMS05YTI1LTVlYmZkYmJkOGM3N1wvZGI4MGswbS04OTIwMWVkOC1lYWRiLTQ1ZDMtODMwZi1iYjJmMGQ0YzBmZTcucG5nIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmZpbGUuZG93bmxvYWQiXX0.8G-Pg35Qi8qxiKLjAofaKRH6fmNH3qAAEI628gW0eXc
    I can't take it anymore! Could everyone just chill out for two seconds before something CRAZY happens again?!
    The nut who actually ground out many packs. The resident forum voice of reason (I HAZ FORUM REP! YAY!)
  • tilartatilarta Member Posts: 1,801 Arc User
    edited July 2014
    I just had to laugh at the choices the autoassign feature made for a medical assignment to cure a disease outbreak on the ship.

    It selected mostly explosive experts! :D

    I was visualizing the cure they would apply, I imagined they would solve the problem by detonating the infected patients!

    Bees like honey, they don't like vinegar.
    Everytime someone makes a character that is an copy of an existing superhuman, Creativity is sad :'(
  • swamarianswamarian Member Posts: 1,506 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    "Track Reman Fleet Movements."


    9:00 - I went to pick up the laundry.
    11:00 - I met with n'Kann for lunch.
    2:00 - I rescued some idiot Federation captain in the Nequencia system
    4:00 on - Spent the rest of the afternoon watching Epohhs.
  • turbomagnusturbomagnus Member Posts: 3,479 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    It's not so-much in-game silliness as personal silliness, but I had a white Tellarite Diagnostic Engineer on one Fed character... Her name was Sega.

    I never could send her on a mission without thinking about the Sega Genesis...
    "If you can't take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross; but it's not for the timid." -- Q, TNG: "Q-Who?"
    ^Words that every player should keep in mind, especially whenever there's a problem with the game...
  • tilartatilarta Member Posts: 1,801 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    With a quotation like this, you are just inviting disaster:
    KAG in sickbay
    I can't say if her accident involved the holodeck or not, I have a lot of these Doffs assigned to various tasks.


    Also, I'm getting highly amused by the Dr Who themed doffs I keep finding.
    Nyssa (a KDF science doff from the KDF academy store) is the one I remember the most.
    I also found Johanna Grant (Jo Grant) on the Starfleet side (from the Doff store at Academy).
    And while I was moving doffs around my characters, I found one called Auton.

    One of the Doffing Devs must be a Dr Who fan. ;)

    Bees like honey, they don't like vinegar.
    Everytime someone makes a character that is an copy of an existing superhuman, Creativity is sad :'(
  • turbomagnusturbomagnus Member Posts: 3,479 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    I've currently got a Purple Advisor and two Purple Bartenders on a "Convince High Ranking Tal Shiar Officer to Defect assignment"... what am I thinking they'll do? Get him so drunk he'll agree to switching sides?
    "If you can't take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross; but it's not for the timid." -- Q, TNG: "Q-Who?"
    ^Words that every player should keep in mind, especially whenever there's a problem with the game...
  • birzarkbirzark Member Posts: 634 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    The confiscate contraband always ends up getting me something silly like a hypo spray. I could only imagine the scenario, being caught red handed using one.
    Also i love reading these, some of the mare hilarious. I need to pay more attention to the doff assignments.
  • turbomagnusturbomagnus Member Posts: 3,479 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    I've currently got a Purple Advisor and two Purple Bartenders on a "Convince High Ranking Tal Shiar Officer to Defect assignment"... what am I thinking they'll do? Get him so drunk he'll agree to switching sides?

    Appearantly, yes. I ended up getting a Critical on the assignment, four thousand espionage XP, two thousand recruitment XP, and two DOffs - a purple Space Warfare Specialist (vs. Romulans) and a blue E-Weaps. Officer...

    They're both Remans, which makes me wonder why they were with the Tal Shiar. Maybe former-followers of Taris?
    "If you can't take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross; but it's not for the timid." -- Q, TNG: "Q-Who?"
    ^Words that every player should keep in mind, especially whenever there's a problem with the game...
  • royalsovereignroyalsovereign Member Posts: 1,344 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    I've currently got a Purple Advisor and two Purple Bartenders on a "Convince High Ranking Tal Shiar Officer to Defect assignment"... what am I thinking they'll do? Get him so drunk he'll agree to switching sides?
    Heh, can you imagine *that* hangover? "Oh, fvadt, my head. What the ... what did I *do* last nig.. Oh. Oh no. Oh, Sela's gonna *kill* me..."
    "You Iconians just hung a vacancy sign on your asses and my foot's looking for a room!"
    --Red Annorax
  • royalsovereignroyalsovereign Member Posts: 1,344 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    Meanwhile I have a Horta miner engaged in an Anbo-jyutsu tournament...
    "You Iconians just hung a vacancy sign on your asses and my foot's looking for a room!"
    --Red Annorax
  • tilartatilarta Member Posts: 1,801 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    birzark wrote: »
    The confiscate contraband always ends up getting me something silly like a hypospray. I could only imagine the scenario, being caught red handed using one.

    I find that assignment an endless source of amusement and occassional whattheheck moments.

    Since I always send the same 2 Doffs to do it, I imagine whenever the crew sees them walking down the halls on the ship, they avoid them, because they know they're looking for contraband!

    Some of the things I get are odd though.
    Medium and small hypos annoy me, if you're going to smuggle them, at least give me large ones!
    Tribbles I wonder about, they're not illegal on Starfleet vessels.
    Although I do wonder about the crewmember who keeps sneaking cannibal tribbles on board. :eek:

    Bees like honey, they don't like vinegar.
    Everytime someone makes a character that is an copy of an existing superhuman, Creativity is sad :'(
  • sammiefightersammiefighter Member Posts: 51 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    Having the Klingon Doffs Come back from successfull missions with injuries.
    Gotta cheer for them .. either they arn't quitters, or they like to hit the pub after and get in a good old bar fight. :D
  • tilartatilarta Member Posts: 1,801 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    An odd result from an Archaeological Survey mission on my KDF.

    I got a Critical, the Doffs came back with some samples and 1 prisoner. :confused:

    Now imagining that debriefing session:

    Science Department Head: Let me get this straight, I sent you to collect archaeological relics and this (pointing to prisoner) is one of the "samples" you brought back?
    Does this look like an historical artefact to you?

    Bees like honey, they don't like vinegar.
    Everytime someone makes a character that is an copy of an existing superhuman, Creativity is sad :'(
  • mightybobcncmightybobcnc Member Posts: 3,354 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    Sending holo William Shakespeare to rebuild infrastructure after an earthquake.

    Joined January 2009
    Finger wrote:
    Nitpicking is a time-honored tradition of science fiction. Asking your readers not to worry about the "little things" is like asking a dog not to sniff at people's crotches. If there's something that appears to violate natural laws, then you can expect someone's going to point it out. That's just the way things are.
  • royalsovereignroyalsovereign Member Posts: 1,344 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    Meanwhile I have a Horta miner engaged in an Anbo-jyutsu tournament...
    Heh, wouldn't you know it. The Horta critted this assignment. :D
    "You Iconians just hung a vacancy sign on your asses and my foot's looking for a room!"
    --Red Annorax
  • mightybobcncmightybobcnc Member Posts: 3,354 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    Heh, wouldn't you know it. The Horta critted this assignment. :D

    Yayy! Go Stumpy!

    Joined January 2009
    Finger wrote:
    Nitpicking is a time-honored tradition of science fiction. Asking your readers not to worry about the "little things" is like asking a dog not to sniff at people's crotches. If there's something that appears to violate natural laws, then you can expect someone's going to point it out. That's just the way things are.
  • turbomagnusturbomagnus Member Posts: 3,479 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    The latest member of my Caitian's crew?

    A purple Caitian Astrometrics Scientist (+80% chance of finding R&D materials)... named C'Ruull. Can you imagine the jokes that guy must have had to put up with?

    "Why must you be so C'Ruull?"

    "He had C'Ruull parents."

    "Oh, that's just C'Ruull."

    And of course, once he got to Starfleet Academy, there were probably people singing that Elvis Presley classic... "Don't Be C'Ruull".
    "If you can't take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross; but it's not for the timid." -- Q, TNG: "Q-Who?"
    ^Words that every player should keep in mind, especially whenever there's a problem with the game...
  • turbomagnusturbomagnus Member Posts: 3,479 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    tilarta wrote: »
    An odd result from an Archaeological Survey mission on my KDF.

    I got a Critical, the Doffs came back with some samples and 1 prisoner. :confused:

    Now imagining that debriefing session:

    Science Department Head: Let me get this straight, I sent you to collect archaeological relics and this (pointing to prisoner) is one of the "samples" you brought back?
    Does this look like an historical artefact to you?

    KDF Scientist 1: But she is dressed like one...

    Prisoner (Points to the Scientists): They dressed me up like this!

    Science Department Head: They did?

    Scientist 2: No, we didn't!

    Scientist 1; Well, we did do the armor....

    Scientist 2: And the sword... But she is a historical artifact!

    Prisoner (Cuts off Scientist 2's arm with the sword): I'm thirty-seven, I'm not old!

    Scientist 2: It's only a flesh wound!
    "If you can't take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross; but it's not for the timid." -- Q, TNG: "Q-Who?"
    ^Words that every player should keep in mind, especially whenever there's a problem with the game...
  • birzarkbirzark Member Posts: 634 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    KDF Scientist 1: But she is dressed like one...

    Prisoner (Points to the Scientists): They dressed me up like this!

    Science Department Head: They did?

    Scientist 2: No, we didn't!

    Scientist 1; Well, we did do the armor....

    Scientist 2: And the sword... But she is a historical artifact!

    Prisoner (Cuts off Scientist 2's arm with the sword): I'm thirty-seven, I'm not old!

    Scientist 2: It's only a flesh wound!

    That was awesome, well done.
  • vendincevendince Member Posts: 296 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    The horta part was hilarious. My favorite right now is sending an Exocomp to play Dabo.
  • markhawkmanmarkhawkman Member Posts: 35,236 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    tilarta wrote: »
    An odd result from an Archaeological Survey mission on my KDF.

    I got a Critical, the Doffs came back with some samples and 1 prisoner. :confused:

    Now imagining that debriefing session:

    Science Department Head: Let me get this straight, I sent you to collect archaeological relics and this (pointing to prisoner) is one of the "samples" you brought back?
    Does this look like an historical artefact to you?
    I always thought of the prisoners you get from that as former Federation archaeologists. :P
    -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
    My character Tsin'xing
    Costume_marhawkman_Tsin%27xing_CC_Comic_Page_Blue_488916968.jpg
  • tilartatilarta Member Posts: 1,801 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    Prisoner (Cuts off Scientist 2's arm with the sword): I'm thirty-seven, I'm not old!

    Scientist 2: It's only a flesh wound!

    Now imagining the next stage of the conversation:

    Scientist 1: Medical emergency in the cargo hold, we've got a injury, someone has lost their arm!

    Ship's Doctor (over comms): How in the heck did you manage to lose an arm opening a storage crate?

    Science Dpt Head: They were stupid enough to give the prisoner they brought back a functional sword. The next time you take prisoners, don't give them weapons when you bring them onboard!



    They did it again. :rolleyes:
    Another Critical, another prisoner brought back with the Artefacts.

    I'm going to have to schedule a seminar, how to identify artefacts and why people are not them.


    Now I'm starting to question their intelligence, they've done this for a 3rd time......

    Bees like honey, they don't like vinegar.
    Everytime someone makes a character that is an copy of an existing superhuman, Creativity is sad :'(
  • sharksinspacesharksinspace Member Posts: 121 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    The silliest thing I've every Doffed was when my Klingon sent a Ferengi and a Bolian to raid a Federation outpost.
  • turbomagnusturbomagnus Member Posts: 3,479 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    Actually, sharksinspace, that makes a strange kind of sense - to me, anyway - since they're from Federation member/ally races, no one would pay any attention to them.

    Ferengi KDF DOff to Federation outpost security officer: "Why are we loading contraband, industrial replicators, medical supplies, a Phaser Pulsewave rifle and two human janitors onto a shuttlecraft? ...Well, that's a stupid question."

    (Little DS9 joke there...)

    That's like my habit of sending a pair of Klingon Security Officers on the assignment to search the ship for Contraband... on a Starfleet vessel, where they obviously stand out. I can just imagine some crewman quickly walking down the corridors, hissing quietly to all the other crew members they pass, "Captain's sending his Klingons to search for it, hide your Contraband! Ch'kar and K'lak are headed this way, hide your Contraband!"

    Easiest way I can figure out to explain why they seem to fail that mission so often...
    "If you can't take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross; but it's not for the timid." -- Q, TNG: "Q-Who?"
    ^Words that every player should keep in mind, especially whenever there's a problem with the game...
  • tilartatilarta Member Posts: 1,801 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    If I saw a Ferengi doing anything at all, I'd be automatically suspicious! :cool:


    And way back in the beta test of doffing, I'd send a Klingon and an Orion on an away mission together.
    Orion came back pushing the Klingon on a stretcher because one of them now has an appointment with the sickbay.
    And that was a regular occurance......

    That's one of the reasons I refuse to have Klingon DOFFs, they fail too easily!
    I'm imagining it's because they charge into battle, bat'leth at the ready while the Orion stands back and watches them get mauled.

    Bees like honey, they don't like vinegar.
    Everytime someone makes a character that is an copy of an existing superhuman, Creativity is sad :'(
  • royalsovereignroyalsovereign Member Posts: 1,344 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    That's like my habit of sending a pair of Klingon Security Officers on the assignment to search the ship for Contraband... on a Starfleet vessel, where they obviously stand out. I can just imagine some crewman quickly walking down the corridors, hissing quietly to all the other crew members they pass, "Captain's sending his Klingons to search for it, hide your Contraband! Ch'kar and K'lak are headed this way, hide your Contraband!"

    Easiest way I can figure out to explain why they seem to fail that mission so often...
    Funny, I do the exact same thing.
    "You Iconians just hung a vacancy sign on your asses and my foot's looking for a room!"
    --Red Annorax
  • markhawkmanmarkhawkman Member Posts: 35,236 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    I do the reverse KDF side, I send two Vulcans. :D
    -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
    My character Tsin'xing
    Costume_marhawkman_Tsin%27xing_CC_Comic_Page_Blue_488916968.jpg
  • ffttfftt Member Posts: 715 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    Invariably a bartender makes it into my dilithium mining assignments along with a bunch of explosive experts. Explosives & Alcohol... :eek: What kind of captain am I?
  • tilartatilarta Member Posts: 1,801 Arc User
    edited August 2014
    fftt wrote: »
    Invariably a bartender makes it into my dilithium mining assignments along with a bunch of explosive experts. Explosives & Alcohol... :eek: What kind of captain am I?

    Maybe you enjoy a good Molotov cocktail (think about it). ;)

    Bees like honey, they don't like vinegar.
    Everytime someone makes a character that is an copy of an existing superhuman, Creativity is sad :'(
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