A Review of Scars of the Pride Part 4: Evolution of Evil, a Foundry Mission by Ashkrik23.
General Opinion:
Featuring an excellent, intense story and combat, this mission is the climatic conclusion to the first half of the Scars of the Pride series. I can only imagine what's in store for the conclusion to the whole series!
Highlights:
- Great Story.
- Great characters.
- Good map work.
- Increasingly intense combat.
- Optional objectives.
- Some will get a kick out of the cameos.
Notes for the author (!Spoiler Alert!):
">>>" = Suggested dialogue changes.
Dialogue, Breaking the Station's Defenses:
- "We have cloaked and will..." >>> "We have cloaked ships and will..."
- "Be weary of Ferasan...." >>> "Be wary of Ferasan forces."
Dialogue, Deep Space Nine Reinforced:
Player Response, "For it may be, general. However there still..." You might want to look into rephrasing this as I found it to be a little confusing. Maybe try something like "Though it may be, General, There is still..."
Aside from those, I thought you did an excellent job in authoring this mission, especially the ending! (I have a bad feeling about that courtesy-of-I'Zira-scar.)
Played SOTP 4 and really enjoyed the conclusion to the first half of the series!
A few suggested changes:
-In all the space maps, maybe make the asteroids match in coloration?
-In DS9, after I cleared out the first debris, there was another beam in my way. I found that I could jump over it, but I'm not sure this was intentional.
-After you shut down the generator, you may want to check the text.
-I'Zira's dialogue: "How great the threat which faces the alpha [quadrant]"
The maps were well done, really enjoyed the story!
5/5
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWOW!! Epic scale stuff! I tend to prefer character development and story over battles, but this was exciting ***t! We're talkin' "Best of Both Worlds" scale action.
Loved the ground combat most of all. Even as loaded and talented as my away team was, we still got worked over pretty hard but not to where I was constantly respawning.
I conceived the idea just now, for a rather interesting mission. With assistance from Ashkrik, I am going to make an "origin" mission called Imperfection. I think everyone can guess what it's about, if you've played Perfection.
Posting a major grammar update to Scars 4. It has also reached the 50 play mark. Part 3 isn't even at that, weird.... lol. Thanks to lindaleff for reviewing the mission to find those evil typos.
As promised I have returned the favor and played through your entire Scars Arc. While I am no reviewer (please forgive me if I sound like an insensitive jerk below:(), I have listed everything I found below, including what recommendations I could think of, to hopefully inspire you further!
Scars of the Pride 1
An excellent introduction to your story arc. The building foreboding begins the moment you arrive on Bajor. Good use of stock maps, and excellent combat balance, especially in the tight confines of the city alleys and the Ferasian base. The toxins effectiveness is well established here, a vile threat indeed.
-The objective for Continue to Takas Office, reads Officer.
-Admiral Taka In his first set of dialogue, the Collective needs a capital.
-Suggest using a security guard or Taka himself invite you into his office for map transition. An Admiral is unlikely to have his door unsecured these days.
Scars of the Pride 2
Another well-established story, heavily building the threat posed by the leader of this powerful force. Excellent build up towards the finale, allowing us to deepen our relationship to the characters.
-Consoles on the left of the first corridor spark as if broken? Perhaps change the action of the crew man nearby to repair?
- Text titled A Warning You use, from what we can tell twice in the same paragraph. Perhaps as far as we know for second?
-Good use of cover for tougher battles.
Scars of the Pride 3
This mission seems a bit rushed in its composition. The story is still as excellent as always, but it gets lost behind what starts to feel like an accolade grind. The threat of the toxin becomes clouded here, it transmogrifies from a deadly poison to a mind-altering narcotic allowing our telepathic Ferasian to dominate other infected species. Perhaps consider building the toxin revelations a bit more, possibly from the toxin terminals in the enemy base? This would greatly explain the number of affected victims.
-Consider splitting the Ferasian Stations into two separate objectives. They get lost in the busy system, and a newcomer might struggle to find where to go, as I did initially.
- A system as busy as Wamesahou (? I think thats how its spelt) would not pass under the scientific interests of the Federation. (Youve crammed 3 comets and two anomalys in there!) You might consider toning it back a bit.
-Excellent use of optional objectives to build the story, especially the communication hacks.
-Shpol In his dialogue Federation needs a capital.
-Move or shrink the first objective in the research level, you need to enter the objective to trigger it (probably a Foundry change after the mission was made). As it is now, you need to go halfway down the next corridor then backtrack.
Scars of the Pride 4
You return to grace with vengeance. This story arcs finale is everything you would expect after the build-up, a truly inspiring conclusion and foreshadowing for your next arc.
-Space systems While I can understand your builds and objectives, consider putting in a brief explanation as to why DS9 and Bajor are surrounded by asteroids and nebula ( blame it on the Wormhole! ), itll probably save you a lot on cannon grief in the long run.
-Derelic ships consider using other damage types besides plasma leak. There is an electro damage and damaged props. Even just having a ship floating in space, doing nothing, is eerily effective.
-Good job on the hidden survivors, another great story hook! Consider moving the First Survivor between the two pillars on the other side of the Exchange terminal (less exposed)
-Tsimba been busy accompany on more missions haha. You need a comma before the haha.
-City and Cave Both well-made and excellent maps.
-Planet killers The last group spawns one the size of a small moon! Might need to check whats under it and scale it back. Consider labelling them as immature planet killers, given their manoeuvrability.
-Kovu The Truth Command needs a capital.
That's everything, with the exception of Mission 3, everything was 5 stars for me. Mission 3 got a 4, simply because I lose track of exactly what is happening with your toxin! Hope this proves useful! I look forward to discussing with you in the future!
Comments
General Opinion:
Featuring an excellent, intense story and combat, this mission is the climatic conclusion to the first half of the Scars of the Pride series. I can only imagine what's in store for the conclusion to the whole series!
Highlights:
- Great Story.
- Great characters.
- Good map work.
- Increasingly intense combat.
- Optional objectives.
- Some will get a kick out of the cameos.
Notes for the author (!Spoiler Alert!):
">>>" = Suggested dialogue changes.
Dialogue, Breaking the Station's Defenses:
- "We have cloaked and will..." >>> "We have cloaked ships and will..."
- "Be weary of Ferasan...." >>> "Be wary of Ferasan forces."
Dialogue, Deep Space Nine Reinforced:
Player Response, "For it may be, general. However there still..." You might want to look into rephrasing this as I found it to be a little confusing. Maybe try something like "Though it may be, General, There is still..."
Aside from those, I thought you did an excellent job in authoring this mission, especially the ending! (I have a bad feeling about that courtesy-of-I'Zira-scar.)
___________________________
End of Review.
A few suggested changes:
-In all the space maps, maybe make the asteroids match in coloration?
-In DS9, after I cleared out the first debris, there was another beam in my way. I found that I could jump over it, but I'm not sure this was intentional.
-After you shut down the generator, you may want to check the text.
-I'Zira's dialogue: "How great the threat which faces the alpha [quadrant]"
The maps were well done, really enjoyed the story!
5/5
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWOW!! Epic scale stuff! I tend to prefer character development and story over battles, but this was exciting ***t! We're talkin' "Best of Both Worlds" scale action.
Loved the ground combat most of all. Even as loaded and talented as my away team was, we still got worked over pretty hard but not to where I was constantly respawning.
Starting part 2 now!
EDIT: Nothing showing up, perhaps you should send me one at @ashkrik23.
Will try to contact you later. Have to log out for the time being. My son is waking from his nap and I gotta go be a dad now.
Synergy plays Scars of the pride, part 3.
Nuff said.
I join Synergy and play Scars 4 with them.
The next villain.
And his theme.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWWkwV4Bi7Y
As promised I have returned the favor and played through your entire Scars Arc. While I am no reviewer (please forgive me if I sound like an insensitive jerk below:(), I have listed everything I found below, including what recommendations I could think of, to hopefully inspire you further!
Scars of the Pride 1
An excellent introduction to your story arc. The building foreboding begins the moment you arrive on Bajor. Good use of stock maps, and excellent combat balance, especially in the tight confines of the city alleys and the Ferasian base. The toxins effectiveness is well established here, a vile threat indeed.
-The objective for Continue to Takas Office, reads Officer.
-Admiral Taka In his first set of dialogue, the Collective needs a capital.
-Suggest using a security guard or Taka himself invite you into his office for map transition. An Admiral is unlikely to have his door unsecured these days.
Scars of the Pride 2
Another well-established story, heavily building the threat posed by the leader of this powerful force. Excellent build up towards the finale, allowing us to deepen our relationship to the characters.
-Consoles on the left of the first corridor spark as if broken? Perhaps change the action of the crew man nearby to repair?
- Text titled A Warning You use, from what we can tell twice in the same paragraph. Perhaps as far as we know for second?
-Good use of cover for tougher battles.
Scars of the Pride 3
This mission seems a bit rushed in its composition. The story is still as excellent as always, but it gets lost behind what starts to feel like an accolade grind. The threat of the toxin becomes clouded here, it transmogrifies from a deadly poison to a mind-altering narcotic allowing our telepathic Ferasian to dominate other infected species. Perhaps consider building the toxin revelations a bit more, possibly from the toxin terminals in the enemy base? This would greatly explain the number of affected victims.
-Consider splitting the Ferasian Stations into two separate objectives. They get lost in the busy system, and a newcomer might struggle to find where to go, as I did initially.
- A system as busy as Wamesahou (? I think thats how its spelt) would not pass under the scientific interests of the Federation. (Youve crammed 3 comets and two anomalys in there!) You might consider toning it back a bit.
-Excellent use of optional objectives to build the story, especially the communication hacks.
-Shpol In his dialogue Federation needs a capital.
-Move or shrink the first objective in the research level, you need to enter the objective to trigger it (probably a Foundry change after the mission was made). As it is now, you need to go halfway down the next corridor then backtrack.
Scars of the Pride 4
You return to grace with vengeance. This story arcs finale is everything you would expect after the build-up, a truly inspiring conclusion and foreshadowing for your next arc.
-Space systems While I can understand your builds and objectives, consider putting in a brief explanation as to why DS9 and Bajor are surrounded by asteroids and nebula ( blame it on the Wormhole! ), itll probably save you a lot on cannon grief in the long run.
-Derelic ships consider using other damage types besides plasma leak. There is an electro damage and damaged props. Even just having a ship floating in space, doing nothing, is eerily effective.
-Good job on the hidden survivors, another great story hook! Consider moving the First Survivor between the two pillars on the other side of the Exchange terminal (less exposed)
-Tsimba been busy accompany on more missions haha. You need a comma before the haha.
-City and Cave Both well-made and excellent maps.
-Planet killers The last group spawns one the size of a small moon! Might need to check whats under it and scale it back. Consider labelling them as immature planet killers, given their manoeuvrability.
-Kovu The Truth Command needs a capital.
That's everything, with the exception of Mission 3, everything was 5 stars for me. Mission 3 got a 4, simply because I lose track of exactly what is happening with your toxin! Hope this proves useful! I look forward to discussing with you in the future!