I'll try to be careful to not give any spoilers, but just in case..."SPOILER ALERT!" I'll be going map by map with my review, either pointing out the things I like, things that need editing, or both.
Map 1
I really liked the set up for the mission and the fight against members of a pre-warp culture helped to give me the feeling that I was tip-toeing the line of the Prime Directive. Great set-up!
Map 2
-The conversations helped to immerse me in the story, slowing down the pace and letting me feel like I was really there.
-When I spoke to Capt. Jakara during the mingle sequence, there is a typo: "speaches" should be "speeches."
-It didn't take me long to realize that I had not been on this ground map before. Did you create it? Well done! I haven't been doing this long, but I know how frustrating building ground maps can be. The bedrolls were a nice touch in the crew quarters. It made it feel as if everyone was really preparing for a trip - another great immersion!
-I had a couple of glitches after the commando attack. One of my away team managed to jump through the wall and was stuck on the other side of the bulkhead fighting solo...where he died. Then I couldn't complete 3/3 of the kill commando objectives because one of the commandos was "upstairs." I eventually set up a quantum mortar and was able to kill him.
-I liked the bomb disarm sequence. I might replay the mission just to see if I can complete the disarm instead of beaming it to space!
Map 2 - Act 3
-I liked the reuse of the map.
-My away team hung up as we were leaving the conversation at the beginning of this map. It might have been related to my dead away team officer, because when I finally revived him, everyone decided to join me.
-There are 2 options to "Talk to Isrin Dalek" available at the same time. I know there is different information under each option, but the identical titles are confusing/non-immersing.
-There are also 2 options for "Talk to Captain Jakara" available at the same time.
-Andel Kurth fell out of the ceiling as I was walking into the room. He eventually returned to normal.
-Lupo Maris is a great addition! Her character intrigued me as having depth.
-Taylan Messick "info" tag stays up the entire mission. It never went away after speaking with him. It was a little distracting as I completed each objective and searched the map for the next objective.
-I liked the map transition at the end of this map being aligned with a transition to the next day. Again, good immersion!
Map 3
-I liked the use of "interference" on the map and the screen shake.
-The seemingly mundane part at the beginning of this map was probably my favorite part of the map. I felt like I was participating in this civilization's entrance as a warp-capable people. Very good job adding a hiccup in the warp engine test. The delayed gratification again helped the depth of the experience.
Map 4
-My away team and I were facing the wrong way when we beamed in. A quarter turn should fix it.
-During the Captain Peers dialog, he says "my cheif engineer..." Should be "chief".
-The transformation of the ship was great! My disdain for the enemy you chose and my apparent slight claustrophobia created the perfect stress for this map.
-The mission ends with a great page turner! I certainly will be playing Part 2 to experience the conclusion.
In case you missed it, the immersion experience was great! It was like playing through a holo-novel.
In addition to the issues I mentioned above, there are several punctuation issues that need to be revised, but nothing so terrible that it ruined the my experience. Overall, well done!
"Crewman, your resume says you are telepathic. Then could you please explain to me why you failed in your attempt to confiscate contraband from the crew?!"
One of my primary goals in this mission was to get the player invested in the success Durken's mission. I was wondering how well that came across to another player.
I did build the Durken Interior from scratch. It's funny you mention the Bedrolls. The map was so close to the object limit that, on the second usage, I had to delete some of them (as well as dishes in the galley) in order to add the "transformation" objects. I actually felt bad about re-possessing the crew's sleeping bags...
If you disarm the bomb, the investigation works out a little differently...
There are several dialogue/interaction items that I need to re-vamp, You mentioned most of them. This was my first mission, and I learned a few things by the time I finished part 2. I just haven't had time (or access) to implement them all.
A couple people have mentioned the commando thing. I've been trying to track it down. I think I've devised a solution (A cleaning crew on the roof) and I'll be adding it when Editing comes back up.
There is a similar issue in Part 2. I just discovered it when the mission was re-published. Your solution should work for that. I'll be fixing it as soon as I can get access to editing...
Thanks again for the review, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on Part 2 as well...
Minimum level 31. It may still be republishing though...
Too bad my Romulan is still at lvl 13. I would have loved to have broken in my new Rommie shuttle with your mission. I still wanna give it a go with my Fed Captain though.
A TIME TO SEARCH: ENTER MY FOUNDRY MISSION at the RISA SYSTEM Parallels: my second mission for Fed aligned Romulans.
It took me a while, but I finally finished my first Foundry creation. The idea behind it is to give players a chance to experience the first contact between Remans and Vlutga (the guys that so graciously gave us permission to have Fleet Dilithium Mines). I know the Fleet Mines have been out a while, but I'd still like to tell the story. Eventually, I hope to create more missions to continue the story.
The mission has 5 maps; 4 ground and 1 space (meant to be played in a shuttle).
I would appreciate some feedback - like I said, this is my first creation, so any suggestions would be great.
Thanks!
Title: Reman Dilithium Run
Author: Stolu
Faction: Fed
Could not find your mission last night. Is it republished?
A TIME TO SEARCH: ENTER MY FOUNDRY MISSION at the RISA SYSTEM Parallels: my second mission for Fed aligned Romulans.
Could not find your mission last night. Is it republished?
I got it published. I took it down to check it after the last update. Can you search by ID number? Here's the number if you can: ST-HSI49C7HD
"Crewman, your resume says you are telepathic. Then could you please explain to me why you failed in your attempt to confiscate contraband from the crew?!"
Just finished playing Bait and Switch by Starswordc.
This mission was a great first effort with clear objectives and no bugs. The dialog is written in descriptive style but does not seem too heavy of a read for a video game, although I did skim over a couple spots. My character was referred to as Skipper throughout the mission. This was annoying.
Maps are all stock as far as I can determine but are very neatly dressed with assets. I especially liked the foundations that were placed for the colony buildings instead of having the buildings standing in a field of weeds. The mission has a nice variety of custom npc's and the dialog fleshes out the character's personalities nicely (Look for Grell in my upcoming Romulan project). I especially like the custom Cardassian officer (What was used for his uniform?). I liked the use of transporter pads.
The mission could use a reduction in map transitions, however since the maps are mostly stock they load pretty quickly.
For a Federation story mission I thought it to be a little combat heavy, I would have liked more options to use diplomacy.
I got a little lost on the village ground map, when looking to heal colonists.
There was a humorous spelling error in Admr Marconi's dialog on the Village map (reassd instead of reassigned) and there is a repeated dialog between the mining ships that describes all of the captains as female when they are obviously male. I only notice 2 or 3 spelling errors.
The badlands station is clipping an asteroid.
All in all this is a great first effort. The author already has a good grasp on the foundry and the conclusion makes you look forward to a sequel. ****
A TIME TO SEARCH: ENTER MY FOUNDRY MISSION at the RISA SYSTEM Parallels: my second mission for Fed aligned Romulans.
FYI there seems to be a change in the foudnry listing UI.
To find missions that are still in the Review (under 5 review) stage you must look in the Review Content tab, it is no longer enough to put the author or mission name in the search box in the regular mission list.
There still aren't many Romulan missions out there, but I have just published Part II of my trilogy if anyone's interested. (It has no reviews yet, so you will need to "Become Reviewer" in order to see it in a search.)
"[Rom] Valley of the Shadow II" (aka "The Shadow of Death")
Mission ID: ST-HLAM39YR6
Author: @NCC-89471
Faction: Federation-allied Romulan
Level restriction: 31+
Duration: 60 minutes (estimated minimum)
Combat: Ground and Space
For further information, click the image in my sig.
Speaking of Romulan missions, I will soon be playing/reviewing "Infinite Shift" by Intuitive_Aptitude (having already reviewed Amahood's "Homesick Heroes" apart from this thread).
Rules are rules pax! Play a mission and get your mission added to the list!
Fair enough. As I said, I had "Infinite Shift" in mind to play. Here is my review of it, typing as I go. (Since someone else already did a thorough review of the story and dialogue, mine will focus on gameplay and map building.)
Map 1: Nothing jaw-dropping but still a nice, fairly simple map to set the stage for the rest of the mission.
Map 2: Nice facsimile of the Azure Nebula map - I see I'm not the only one who's had to make their own version of an LoR map that Cryptic hasn't added to the Foundry yet.
Map 3: This custom Romulan interior looks great, especially considering the lack of Romulan assets we have to build such a map. Good intense combat throughout, too.
Map 4: Nice use of interior backdrop to create an off-kilter version of a Romulan stock interior.
Map 5: The colony map looks awesome, but I noticed some of the NPC extras appear to be sliding along the pavement instead of walking. Also I found it hard to find the locations to complete the "Explain the situation" objective; I had to wander about several minutes before I figured out it was those columns of light.
Map 6: Very challenging reconnaissance and combat. I love me some urban warfare!
Map 7: The abandoned facility interior is where I ran into big problems. First, my away team suddenly vanished on this map. Two of them eventually reappeared. Apparently one had somehow gotten stuck beneath the raised floor in that part of the map, and another one got stuck in the floor. Later, one of them jumped into a wall and vanished again. I wound up having to fight the Jem'Hadar all by myself, and not surprisingly, I quickly died and respawned.
This led to an even bigger problem. My away team and I respawned inside a completely sealed cargo hold with no exits, no triggers and no interactable objects, just a bunch of cargo containers and two ramps that lead into solid walls. I presume it is on the other side of the wall from where the Tal Shiar computer console and the last few personal logs are. I ended up having to beam up to sector space, beam back down, fast-forward through the first six maps and replay this one.
Map 8: Simple map but great space combat, even though my Mogai had little trouble mowing down the Jem'Hadar.
Map 9: Good to give the player a choice between fighting and eluding the Jem'Hadar.
I ended up giving this one three stars. The respawn snafu in Map 7 was the major reason, but I also found the ending (leaving the Triaxa unaccounted for) to be less than satisfying.
I finally finished the finale of my Borg series, Perfection, Part 2.
Here's the info.
Federation:Level 41+
With the fall of Earth, the unthinkable has happened. The Borg, now powered by the Omega Molecule, have launched their final campaign to rid the galaxy of every species. With the Federation in shambles and every civilization under threat of extinction, there is only one hope. Can the the Federation and its allies and enemies come together to save their homes? Or will this spell the end for our existence as we know it?
You have been summoned to the Kalferi system, where a task force is the last stand against this impending genocide
.
]This is the finale to the Perfection series started in part 1. This mission is intended for solo play. Bring a remodulator as this is a Borg mission. Please pay attention to the green mission text whenever you see it. Please report any issues or suggestions to @ashkrik23 by mail, reviews, or on the forum in the foundry section.
I'll get to reviewing some missions in here once I get a break from the foundry .
As the tagging feature is now available on Holodeck, a reminder to use it when leaving your ratings and reviews.
You can also go back and add tags to missions you've played before. To do this, search for each mission and click Edit next to "Your Rating", then click the new Tags field in the Your Rating window.
Admiral Kormek's office: Nice and clean office, seems very peaceful. Simple map with dialogue. No errors spotted.
Deep Space Nine: I liked the rift effect you used here. Another map for dialogue with some small tasks. Just simple still. No errors spotted.
Trivas system: Really beautiful map. I like the rings you chose for the planet. The ruined stations were nice. Another simple map with some basic dialogue. No errors spotted.
Empok Nor: That first room... I busted out laughing... especially the cameos....
Found a typo in Lewk's speech. He spells traveling "travelling".
Treasure Trading Station: Kinda creepy with so few people in. Suggest players user their tricorder to help search for Taka's journal. No errors spotted.
Cait: Beam in spot sets the mood for the destruction caused. What you find is sad . The journal is really good. Player may need to use their tricorder for objectives. No errors.
Memory Alpha System: Planet looks nice. Very simple map. No errors spotted. Decoy use was nice.
Memory Alpha: Poor Epohh. He had that whole facility to himself. Good use of map shake effect. Very nice chain reaction for the explosions. No errors.
U.S.S. Black Phantom, Bridge: Why did I want to punch Voporak soon as I saw him? Fight could be tough for those who don't expect the NPC type.
Memory Alpha space: Very awesome effect with the portal. No errors.
Admiral Kormek's office: Simple dialogue, leaves a cliffhanger will make the player wonder what happens next.
Overall this mission does well continuing the events of the last one. This mission is pretty much story only besides one boss fight. So combat enthusiasts may prefer others. I did not really see any huge errors and the cameos are fun. If you enjoyed Of Morals and Ethics then you will enjoy this one. If you haven't played that one.... get to it!
As suggested, I deployed Vice Admiral Kaylee, Reman Tactical Officer, for this critical mission.
Mission Description: Put the location of the mission door in here somewhere, preferably in green text. Also, consider using tags and separate paragraphs for instructions to the player. Most of the description is "in character," which is good. The "out of character" stuff should be separated.
Grant Mission Dialog: Is this a shuttle mission? If it is, just make it clear right at the beginning.
Contact at Quark's: Strange to see quotation marks around the speech. They are not needed. But I liked the exchange.
Board freighter: Not exactly easy to find this door. There's no marker on the map. Why not make this door in the shipyard? It's a recognizable destination for the player and I had to head there anyway to prep my shuttle.
Freighter: I like the crate "maze" idea.
Crash Map: Fun fights.
Cave: I like where the story is heading. Wait... was I supposed to bring my EV suit?
Base: Doesn't this Reman Commander deserve a name by now? There are Cardassians stuck in the ceiling in the final room. Again, fun fights. Perhaps consider having some friendlies for some of these fights. Seems weird that my Reman buddies won't help.
Space Map: I like the map design. 6 waves of scorpion fighters? You are a TRIBBLE. Why did Starfleet show up? Reskin the helpers.
Final Thoughts: A fun mission with challenging combat. Could use a little polishing but overall it's a nice change of pace (shuttle pew pew) with an interesting story that ties into STO's Reman storyline quite nicely. That's what makes this mission stand out from the rest. 5 stars.
As suggested, I deployed Vice Admiral Kaylee, Reman Tactical Officer, for this critical mission.
Mission Description: Put the location of the mission door in here somewhere, preferably in green text. Also, consider using tags and separate paragraphs for instructions to the player. Most of the description is "in character," which is good. The "out of character" stuff should be separated.
Grant Mission Dialog: Is this a shuttle mission? If it is, just make it clear right at the beginning.
Contact at Quark's: Strange to see quotation marks around the speech. They are not needed. But I liked the exchange.
Board freighter: Not exactly easy to find this door. There's no marker on the map. Why not make this door in the shipyard? It's a recognizable destination for the player and I had to head there anyway to prep my shuttle.
Freighter: I like the crate "maze" idea.
Crash Map: Fun fights.
Cave: I like where the story is heading. Wait... was I supposed to bring my EV suit?
Base: Doesn't this Reman Commander deserve a name by now? There are Cardassians stuck in the ceiling in the final room. Again, fun fights. Perhaps consider having some friendlies for some of these fights. Seems weird that my Reman buddies won't help.
Space Map: I like the map design. 6 waves of scorpion fighters? You are a TRIBBLE. Why did Starfleet show up? Reskin the helpers.
Final Thoughts: A fun mission with challenging combat. Could use a little polishing but overall it's a nice change of pace (shuttle pew pew) with an interesting story that ties into STO's Reman storyline quite nicely. That's what makes this mission stand out from the rest. 5 stars.
Thanks for your very helpful advice borrowedtune! I will certainly work on the issues. There were a couple of things I didn't know how to do - like putting a door in the shipyard at DS9 (it only gave me places on the promenade as an interactive object - but I'm sure there is a way). I also didn't know how to make friendly NPC's fight for me - that would definitely improve the feeling of a cooperative effort.
I'll hit the tutorial threads and YouTube vids to educate myself.
Again thanks for your review!
"Crewman, your resume says you are telepathic. Then could you please explain to me why you failed in your attempt to confiscate contraband from the crew?!"
I've done this so many times for assorted reasons that I can pull this review straight from memory. I rooted out all the typos long ago, so I don't need to list that. If I mention a map that you've edited out, disregard it here.
Kessik System:
-The moving ships are nice, and there's no bugs in it.
U.S.S. Lion's Pride Bridge:
-I always love seeing the Odyssey bridge, it's so beautiful. All the NPCs being named is cool. The dialogue is informative.
Unknown System:
-The fight here isn't overwhelming, but with enough challenge to make it good.
Tactical cube section 214:
-Great use of the Borg interior. The ambush (still there since I last played it, right?) is an awesome use of a trigger and makes for a unique battle. The Borg are all named, so I feel like I'm not just shooting the same old drone. The boss battle is not impossible (that's good) but entertaining (especially with the Elachi hand cannon).
Tactical cube section 777:
-This has to be my favorite map. The atmosphere is just great, and the cramped corridors give that STF raid feel. The final battle is pretty tough but can be beat. One thing I'd recommend for this map is giving something to do along the way, like an interaction, so I'm not just essentially shooting my way to the end where the good stuff happens.
Unknown system escape (or whatever it was called):
-Variety with the diamonds appearing was nice.
Kessik system return:
-More Borg.
Sol system:
-Mobs mobs, everywhere. This is one you can't just zerg, it actually requires target selection. That's something standard STFs don't have (which they should have).
ESD:
-You did the Borgification very nicely. I like the final boss room, since you can't run all over the place but have to use skills like hiding and dodging.
ESD leaving:
-I think you changed it already, from three waves to two. Two is much more manageable.
Overall story and comments:
I like the story, it's not just a random "Borg did this, kill them blarg". It's got enough emotion in it to make it more personal. The one thing I'd change is replace maybe a couple borg mobs on the cube with an interaction or dialogue or something so it's not entirely shooting to the end. Good mission.
I just saw that you revamped the enemies, so disregard anything here about enemies needing a revamp.
I'd also like to submit Of Morals and Ethics (Fed, level 35+, author: @voporak). I'll review Perfection, part 2 later two or tomorrow and then I'll submit Of Terror and Darkness with that (sorry if there was some confusion on it).
Thanks for your very helpful advice borrowedtune! I will certainly work on the issues. There were a couple of things I didn't know how to do - like putting a door in the shipyard at DS9 (it only gave me places on the promenade as an interactive object - but I'm sure there is a way). I also didn't know how to make friendly NPC's fight for me - that would definitely improve the feeling of a cooperative effort.
I'll hit the tutorial threads and YouTube vids to educate myself.
Again thanks for your review!
Hmm... I thought I had used one of the docking doors in the shipyard during a mission once but that must have been a custom map and not the social zone. Looking at DS9, the devs sure skimped on giving us mission doors... mostly crates and candlesticks. So I don't know... unless you want to create some silly side event, like getting the npc contact in the shipyard a raktajino from the replicator, your current door probably works best. Maybe just have the bar contact give clear directions to where the shuttle bay door is located. As a last resort, if people start complaining and dropping the mission, you could have the player beam out to their shuttle and meet the freighter somewhere in Beta Ursae.
Friendly Remans are available - just pick "Reman Rebellion" npc groups and they will be allied with the player. Just be careful... Remans are kind of OP with their mind drain so you might want to adjust those fights accordingly.
Well I was reviewing the Raven and Marionette by @bigdogofbria.
I had a huge post for you but I hit the exit button when I was switching tabs. I'll try to give a summary of the most important points.
This was a great Borg mission with a good story. Seems mainly story focused with the heaviest combat on the ground. Noticed no errors besides a few structures with the default foundry object names. Might want to rename those. I noted a few one-shot wonder maps that don't much besides give more loading screens. You might want to replace those or not use them at all, up to you. The ones in particular are the warping to Borg space with the conduit, and then warping back to Duran. Other than that, no issues. Nice cliffhanger and I wonder what will happen next.
5 stars. Sorry i couldn't give the really detailed post .
Let me start off by saying that when it comes to the Foundry, I am an author. I don't like making detailed reviews of missions. I would rather leave that task to others who seem to enjoy it. I prefer to see my role as a supporter of fellow authors.
Now, having said that, the following is the exception. As you read through, you may start to think I am nit picking and being overly critical. And would be right. But let me make this clear - I do so only because this mission deserves it. And by that, I mean it's a really good mission. 5 stars all the way and recommended. If you haven't played it yet, make a point of doing so as soon as possible... especially if you are a fellow Foundry author. It's a rare occurrence when someone "breaks the rules" and pulls it off.
Overall this could be classified as a story heavy, "combat light" mission. The heart of this mission is in the writing. You won't find a whole lot of SFX or "tricks" and maps are a bit sparse (but in no way detracting). The details are in the story which encompasses a wide range of fleshed out characters involved in an intriguing, original plot. As with all good first entries into an epic storyline, it leaves you wanting more yet satisfied.
Mission Description:
It has become standard practice to put the starting door (in bold green text) somewhere in the description.
Consider changing this cumbersome line ("this should be a pretty run-of-the-mill civil defense patrol posting") to "This posting will be a run-of-the-mill, civil defense patrol."
Prose style? As opposed to? What I believe you are trying to say is that this mission is written in the 3rd person and not in 2nd person? Why explain this? If you feel the need for a "disclaimer," leave it at "unconventional" and make me want to know more.
Remove the "Skirmish" reference. The way this sounds now, saying "one interaction," makes me think this is not very important and you just wasted my time. If it's important, simply say something like "this mission is based upon events that unfolded during 'Skirmish."
Grant Mission:
Skipper? Seriously? Skipper? I've got a bad feeling about this. OK, let me explain why this is bad. First, this is a huge departure from what we know of Starfleet terminology. No Starfleet Captain we've ever seen has been called "skipper" by his crew. The only one I can think of resides on Gilligan's Island. Second, this is my BOFF speaking to me. The use of "skipper" might pass as some quirky character trait if this was some new npc I had never encountered before. Lastly, this is the grant mission dialogue. You haven't earned my trust yet to depart from canon or conventional military/starfleet terminology. "Skipper," in common, modern usage, refers to someone in command of a commercial vessel. My character is no fisherman and this level of informality is not acceptable.
Not sure I like the use of brackets and a sudden break from grammar with [begin/end transmission]. I prefer *** Begin Transmission ***.
DS9:
Skipper, again. From a different BOFF. I'm beginning to fear mutiny with this level of disrespect. It also does't work when you throw "adjutant" in the same sentence, which is a very specific military term.
"I spoke with Admiral Marconi's adjutant and he's out of his office right now." You just told me the adjutant is out of the office.
Hmm... crumpled paper. Well, I guess it's ok that Starfleet has chosen to use such ancient technology for this report because whatever was in it was so meaningless that the Admiral pelts random station visitors with it.
"Well, welcome to the Beta Ursae Fleet Area. Well/welcome sounds like a stutter.
Consider changing "You recognize the telltales of a Cardassian phaser hit" to "the telltale sign of." And for reference, the last thing I would think of when seeing a "phaser hit" would be Cardassians, making it quite the opposite of "telltale."
Consider changing "raiding shipping around the Malon System" to "raiding shipping lanes" or "trade routes."
"Go ahead and take some shore leave but tomorrow." "Shore leave" implies an extended stay. Not "you have the night off." Seems like a forced use of a nautical term.
Malon System:
Captain's Log - Supplemental: Discipline has been restored on the bridge of the U.S.S. Sugar Magnolia. My crew now refers to me with a title I have both earned and deserve.
Nice map. The asteroid mining operation is quite nice.
Both the Ferasan and the Naussican have the same exact dialogue and text.
Consider changing "After ordering the ship to yellow alert just in case, you open a channel to the battleship" to "After ordering the ship to yellow alert, you open a channel to the ____________". You just called it the "flagship" then one sentence later called it the "battleship," causing confusion. Call it the same thing both times so we know you're talking about the same ship. You can also say, "Following standard Starfleet protocols, you order the ship to yellow alert."
I find it very comforting that the "huge" Breen quickly calculates Breen time to my ship's clock in his head after unexpected questioning.
Malon II:
Again, nice visuals on the space map though I'm a bit disconcerted by the space lightning and even more worried about the competence of my crew since it seems such a danger is unworthy of note.
You made specific mention of the Gorn following local practices to transmit his ship's manifest as "payment" for help. Yet, this is forgotten after I rescue the ship. Also, the Gorn animates a 'warp out" after telling me he plans to fly to DS9 on a single impulse engine.
"Maximum military power?" In Star Trek, we call that "warp factor 9." If you are trying to reference Starfleet's general order not to exceed warp 6 except in emergencies, then be specific.
Captain's Log - Supplemental: It seems the level of disrespect among my bridge officers has not gone away as previously thought. Again, I am referred to as "Skipper." From this point forward, all my Bridge Officers are on report and are facing disciplinary actions. (From now on I will not mention the use of "skipper.")
Dreon VII Village:
For some reason I really liked navigating the hilly terrain.
We tend to use "Defeat" enemies instead of "Kill."
My "Starfleet credentials?"
Tip: Jerek (and friend) beam in when triggered (and Jerek later sits down after another trigger, causing the "beam in" animation again). You can avoid the "beam in" and just have then npcs "fade in and out" by using different contacts (and reskinning them). I believe certain neutral animal mobs have no beam effects.
USS Marduk:
I have never seen a Starfleet officer in any tv show or movie to ask to "come aboard" after beaming onto a transporter pad.
Third time in a short time span I have seen "ASAP." The standard rule would be: you spell it out the first time, abbreviate it the second time and consult a thesaurus the third time.
Console in transporter room says "interact." Consider changing to "Access LCARS" or something. Same with the console in the warp core room. Did i just read the bio of all your toons?
As I suspected, knowing who Franklin Drake is from "Skirmish" didn't matter one bit. The text in the mission description only works as a spoiler to expect Section 31. Even if the player doesn't know exactly who he is, it still works fine since he is only mentioned in passing.
Ultima Thule:
Your best map yet. Visually striking with a feel of "inter-activity."
"Silent running?" Another forced term. If you are going to use it, expand and explain what that would mean in the context of a starship. The best way to do this with your current dialogue would be for the BOFF to explain what "silent running mode" is without actually saying "silent running," then have the player call it "silent running" when giving the order. That would make the player seem cool.
Who is Master Chief Wiggin? Interesting. I have my first suspect as leader of the "skipper conspiracy" and the one who may be subverting my officers.
Personal Pet Peeve: I know it happens in Cryptic missions but in Star Trek, they don't "hack." They "override" or "run algorithms" or "execute cascade failures" or "corrupt programming."
The Badlands:
A transwarp gate to the badlands?
Hehe... shuttles.
Shuttle One? You name everything else in the mission... but not the shuttle... all shuttles in Star Trek have names.
Mothership?
I lost the crate dialogue after a giant Gorn attacked my away team. Consider pushing that mob back a little.
Spooks?
I know this is a "story mission." But the pacing here needs some attention. After so many maps of little to no action, this is, what I assume, the climax and the big action finale. Yet I am constantly slowed down after every encounter with long, multiple branching dialogues. It's slowing everything down and taking the tension, excitement and adrenaline right out of the air.
There's also alot of captain level fights here. It doesn't bother me since I am one of the few players that likes ground. But I assure you others will complain.
CIC:
I am given the option of calling the Cardassian "Sir or Captain." It seems this is an important distinction. One worthy of a branching dialogue option. Why not the option of "Skipper?"
I let "greenskin" slide when the Bajorans said it... but a Starfleet Admiral? The joke doesn't work when the set-up takes you out your suspension of disbelief.
Does Section 31 report to Starfleet Command?
Captain's Log - Supplemental:
The mission is over yet the cost was high. My entire Bridge Officer staff has been demoted, re-assigned and awaits disciplinary action for insubordination, conduct unbecoming of a Starfleet Officer and conspiracy to commit mutiny. Skipper out.
this mission deserves it. And by that, I mean it's a really good mission. 5 stars all the way and recommended. If you haven't played it yet, make a point of doing so as soon as possible... especially if you are a fellow Foundry author. It's a rare occurrence when someone "breaks the rules" and pulls it off. it leaves you wanting more yet satisfied.
Prose style? As opposed to? What I believe you are trying to say is that this mission is written in the 3rd person and not in 2nd person? Why explain this? If you feel the need for a "disclaimer," leave it at "unconventional" and make me want to know more.
Skipper? Seriously? Skipper? I've got a bad feeling about this. OK, let me explain why this is bad. First, this is a huge departure from what we know of Starfleet terminology. No Starfleet Captain we've ever seen has been called "skipper" by his crew. The only one I can think of resides on Gilligan's Island. Second, this is my BOFF speaking to me. The use of "skipper" might pass as some quirky character trait if this was some new npc I had never encountered before. Lastly, this is the grant mission dialogue. You haven't earned my trust yet to depart from canon or conventional military/starfleet terminology. "Skipper," in common, modern usage, refers to someone in command of a commercial vessel. My character is no fisherman and this level of informality is not acceptable. .
Nice review I agree with all of it. The mission is solid, I usually skip "space pirate" missions but really enjoyed this one. It is too bad the disclaimer that it was prose style made me hesitant to try it sooner, as I imagined that it would have me hunched over my computer for 21/2 hours with bloodshot eyes. This was not the case at all.
A TIME TO SEARCH: ENTER MY FOUNDRY MISSION at the RISA SYSTEM Parallels: my second mission for Fed aligned Romulans.
Comments
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
@eldil
I'll try to be careful to not give any spoilers, but just in case..."SPOILER ALERT!" I'll be going map by map with my review, either pointing out the things I like, things that need editing, or both.
Map 1
I really liked the set up for the mission and the fight against members of a pre-warp culture helped to give me the feeling that I was tip-toeing the line of the Prime Directive. Great set-up!
Map 2
-The conversations helped to immerse me in the story, slowing down the pace and letting me feel like I was really there.
-When I spoke to Capt. Jakara during the mingle sequence, there is a typo: "speaches" should be "speeches."
-It didn't take me long to realize that I had not been on this ground map before. Did you create it? Well done! I haven't been doing this long, but I know how frustrating building ground maps can be. The bedrolls were a nice touch in the crew quarters. It made it feel as if everyone was really preparing for a trip - another great immersion!
-I had a couple of glitches after the commando attack. One of my away team managed to jump through the wall and was stuck on the other side of the bulkhead fighting solo...where he died. Then I couldn't complete 3/3 of the kill commando objectives because one of the commandos was "upstairs." I eventually set up a quantum mortar and was able to kill him.
-I liked the bomb disarm sequence. I might replay the mission just to see if I can complete the disarm instead of beaming it to space!
Map 2 - Act 3
-I liked the reuse of the map.
-My away team hung up as we were leaving the conversation at the beginning of this map. It might have been related to my dead away team officer, because when I finally revived him, everyone decided to join me.
-There are 2 options to "Talk to Isrin Dalek" available at the same time. I know there is different information under each option, but the identical titles are confusing/non-immersing.
-There are also 2 options for "Talk to Captain Jakara" available at the same time.
-Andel Kurth fell out of the ceiling as I was walking into the room. He eventually returned to normal.
-Lupo Maris is a great addition! Her character intrigued me as having depth.
-Taylan Messick "info" tag stays up the entire mission. It never went away after speaking with him. It was a little distracting as I completed each objective and searched the map for the next objective.
-I liked the map transition at the end of this map being aligned with a transition to the next day. Again, good immersion!
Map 3
-I liked the use of "interference" on the map and the screen shake.
-The seemingly mundane part at the beginning of this map was probably my favorite part of the map. I felt like I was participating in this civilization's entrance as a warp-capable people. Very good job adding a hiccup in the warp engine test. The delayed gratification again helped the depth of the experience.
Map 4
-My away team and I were facing the wrong way when we beamed in. A quarter turn should fix it.
-During the Captain Peers dialog, he says "my cheif engineer..." Should be "chief".
-The transformation of the ship was great! My disdain for the enemy you chose and my apparent slight claustrophobia created the perfect stress for this map.
-The mission ends with a great page turner! I certainly will be playing Part 2 to experience the conclusion.
In case you missed it, the immersion experience was great! It was like playing through a holo-novel.
In addition to the issues I mentioned above, there are several punctuation issues that need to be revised, but nothing so terrible that it ruined the my experience. Overall, well done!
One of my primary goals in this mission was to get the player invested in the success Durken's mission. I was wondering how well that came across to another player.
I did build the Durken Interior from scratch. It's funny you mention the Bedrolls. The map was so close to the object limit that, on the second usage, I had to delete some of them (as well as dishes in the galley) in order to add the "transformation" objects. I actually felt bad about re-possessing the crew's sleeping bags...
If you disarm the bomb, the investigation works out a little differently...
There are several dialogue/interaction items that I need to re-vamp, You mentioned most of them. This was my first mission, and I learned a few things by the time I finished part 2. I just haven't had time (or access) to implement them all.
A couple people have mentioned the commando thing. I've been trying to track it down. I think I've devised a solution (A cleaning crew on the roof) and I'll be adding it when Editing comes back up.
There is a similar issue in Part 2. I just discovered it when the mission was re-published. Your solution should work for that. I'll be fixing it as soon as I can get access to editing...
Thanks again for the review, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on Part 2 as well...
My Missions
Contact Squared Part 1
Contact Squared Part 2
Contact Squared: Tribunal (coming soon)
Contact Squared: Shadows (coming... not as soon...)
Too bad my Romulan is still at lvl 13. I would have loved to have broken in my new Rommie shuttle with your mission. I still wanna give it a go with my Fed Captain though.
Parallels: my second mission for Fed aligned Romulans.
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
Could not find your mission last night. Is it republished?
Parallels: my second mission for Fed aligned Romulans.
I got it published. I took it down to check it after the last update. Can you search by ID number? Here's the number if you can: ST-HSI49C7HD
This mission was a great first effort with clear objectives and no bugs. The dialog is written in descriptive style but does not seem too heavy of a read for a video game, although I did skim over a couple spots. My character was referred to as Skipper throughout the mission. This was annoying.
Maps are all stock as far as I can determine but are very neatly dressed with assets. I especially liked the foundations that were placed for the colony buildings instead of having the buildings standing in a field of weeds. The mission has a nice variety of custom npc's and the dialog fleshes out the character's personalities nicely (Look for Grell in my upcoming Romulan project). I especially like the custom Cardassian officer (What was used for his uniform?). I liked the use of transporter pads.
The mission could use a reduction in map transitions, however since the maps are mostly stock they load pretty quickly.
For a Federation story mission I thought it to be a little combat heavy, I would have liked more options to use diplomacy.
I got a little lost on the village ground map, when looking to heal colonists.
There was a humorous spelling error in Admr Marconi's dialog on the Village map (reassd instead of reassigned) and there is a repeated dialog between the mining ships that describes all of the captains as female when they are obviously male. I only notice 2 or 3 spelling errors.
The badlands station is clipping an asteroid.
All in all this is a great first effort. The author already has a good grasp on the foundry and the conclusion makes you look forward to a sequel. ****
Parallels: my second mission for Fed aligned Romulans.
To find missions that are still in the Review (under 5 review) stage you must look in the Review Content tab, it is no longer enough to put the author or mission name in the search box in the regular mission list.
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
"[Rom] Valley of the Shadow II" (aka "The Shadow of Death")
Mission ID: ST-HLAM39YR6
Author: @NCC-89471
Faction: Federation-allied Romulan
Level restriction: 31+
Duration: 60 minutes (estimated minimum)
Combat: Ground and Space
For further information, click the image in my sig.
Speaking of Romulan missions, I will soon be playing/reviewing "Infinite Shift" by Intuitive_Aptitude (having already reviewed Amahood's "Homesick Heroes" apart from this thread).
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Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
Fair enough. As I said, I had "Infinite Shift" in mind to play. Here is my review of it, typing as I go. (Since someone else already did a thorough review of the story and dialogue, mine will focus on gameplay and map building.)
Map 1: Nothing jaw-dropping but still a nice, fairly simple map to set the stage for the rest of the mission.
Map 2: Nice facsimile of the Azure Nebula map - I see I'm not the only one who's had to make their own version of an LoR map that Cryptic hasn't added to the Foundry yet.
Map 3: This custom Romulan interior looks great, especially considering the lack of Romulan assets we have to build such a map. Good intense combat throughout, too.
Map 4: Nice use of interior backdrop to create an off-kilter version of a Romulan stock interior.
Map 5: The colony map looks awesome, but I noticed some of the NPC extras appear to be sliding along the pavement instead of walking. Also I found it hard to find the locations to complete the "Explain the situation" objective; I had to wander about several minutes before I figured out it was those columns of light.
Map 6: Very challenging reconnaissance and combat. I love me some urban warfare!
Map 7: The abandoned facility interior is where I ran into big problems. First, my away team suddenly vanished on this map. Two of them eventually reappeared. Apparently one had somehow gotten stuck beneath the raised floor in that part of the map, and another one got stuck in the floor. Later, one of them jumped into a wall and vanished again. I wound up having to fight the Jem'Hadar all by myself, and not surprisingly, I quickly died and respawned.
This led to an even bigger problem. My away team and I respawned inside a completely sealed cargo hold with no exits, no triggers and no interactable objects, just a bunch of cargo containers and two ramps that lead into solid walls. I presume it is on the other side of the wall from where the Tal Shiar computer console and the last few personal logs are. I ended up having to beam up to sector space, beam back down, fast-forward through the first six maps and replay this one.
Map 8: Simple map but great space combat, even though my Mogai had little trouble mowing down the Jem'Hadar.
Map 9: Good to give the player a choice between fighting and eluding the Jem'Hadar.
I ended up giving this one three stars. The respawn snafu in Map 7 was the major reason, but I also found the ending (leaving the Triaxa unaccounted for) to be less than satisfying.
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Here's the info.
Federation:Level 41+
With the fall of Earth, the unthinkable has happened. The Borg, now powered by the Omega Molecule, have launched their final campaign to rid the galaxy of every species. With the Federation in shambles and every civilization under threat of extinction, there is only one hope. Can the the Federation and its allies and enemies come together to save their homes? Or will this spell the end for our existence as we know it?
You have been summoned to the Kalferi system, where a task force is the last stand against this impending genocide
.
]This is the finale to the Perfection series started in part 1. This mission is intended for solo play. Bring a remodulator as this is a Borg mission. Please pay attention to the green mission text whenever you see it. Please report any issues or suggestions to @ashkrik23 by mail, reviews, or on the forum in the foundry section.
I'll get to reviewing some missions in here once I get a break from the foundry
You can also go back and add tags to missions you've played before. To do this, search for each mission and click Edit next to "Your Rating", then click the new Tags field in the Your Rating window.
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My review as follows.
Admiral Kormek's office: Nice and clean office, seems very peaceful. Simple map with dialogue. No errors spotted.
Deep Space Nine: I liked the rift effect you used here. Another map for dialogue with some small tasks. Just simple still. No errors spotted.
Trivas system: Really beautiful map. I like the rings you chose for the planet. The ruined stations were nice. Another simple map with some basic dialogue. No errors spotted.
Empok Nor: That first room... I busted out laughing... especially the cameos....
Found a typo in Lewk's speech. He spells traveling "travelling".
Treasure Trading Station: Kinda creepy with so few people in. Suggest players user their tricorder to help search for Taka's journal. No errors spotted.
Cait: Beam in spot sets the mood for the destruction caused. What you find is sad
Memory Alpha System: Planet looks nice. Very simple map. No errors spotted. Decoy use was nice.
Memory Alpha: Poor Epohh. He had that whole facility to himself. Good use of map shake effect. Very nice chain reaction for the explosions. No errors.
U.S.S. Black Phantom, Bridge: Why did I want to punch Voporak soon as I saw him? Fight could be tough for those who don't expect the NPC type.
Memory Alpha space: Very awesome effect with the portal. No errors.
Admiral Kormek's office: Simple dialogue, leaves a cliffhanger will make the player wonder what happens next.
Overall this mission does well continuing the events of the last one. This mission is pretty much story only besides one boss fight. So combat enthusiasts may prefer others. I did not really see any huge errors and the cameos are fun. If you enjoyed Of Morals and Ethics then you will enjoy this one. If you haven't played that one.... get to it!
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
As suggested, I deployed Vice Admiral Kaylee, Reman Tactical Officer, for this critical mission.
Mission Description: Put the location of the mission door in here somewhere, preferably in green text. Also, consider using tags and separate paragraphs for instructions to the player. Most of the description is "in character," which is good. The "out of character" stuff should be separated.
Grant Mission Dialog: Is this a shuttle mission? If it is, just make it clear right at the beginning.
Contact at Quark's: Strange to see quotation marks around the speech. They are not needed. But I liked the exchange.
Board freighter: Not exactly easy to find this door. There's no marker on the map. Why not make this door in the shipyard? It's a recognizable destination for the player and I had to head there anyway to prep my shuttle.
Freighter: I like the crate "maze" idea.
Crash Map: Fun fights.
Cave: I like where the story is heading. Wait... was I supposed to bring my EV suit?
Base: Doesn't this Reman Commander deserve a name by now? There are Cardassians stuck in the ceiling in the final room. Again, fun fights. Perhaps consider having some friendlies for some of these fights. Seems weird that my Reman buddies won't help.
Space Map: I like the map design. 6 waves of scorpion fighters? You are a TRIBBLE.
Final Thoughts: A fun mission with challenging combat. Could use a little polishing but overall it's a nice change of pace (shuttle pew pew) with an interesting story that ties into STO's Reman storyline quite nicely. That's what makes this mission stand out from the rest. 5 stars.
A Taste of Collateral Damage
Author: BorrowedTune
ID: ST-HPMDJ5JQR
Language: English
Allegiance: Starfleet
Level: 41+
I don't think he added this one. I'm gonna hit another mission or two today just to be safe.
Thanks for your very helpful advice borrowedtune! I will certainly work on the issues. There were a couple of things I didn't know how to do - like putting a door in the shipyard at DS9 (it only gave me places on the promenade as an interactive object - but I'm sure there is a way). I also didn't know how to make friendly NPC's fight for me - that would definitely improve the feeling of a cooperative effort.
I'll hit the tutorial threads and YouTube vids to educate myself.
Again thanks for your review!
I've done this so many times for assorted reasons that I can pull this review straight from memory. I rooted out all the typos long ago, so I don't need to list that. If I mention a map that you've edited out, disregard it here.
Kessik System:
-The moving ships are nice, and there's no bugs in it.
U.S.S. Lion's Pride Bridge:
-I always love seeing the Odyssey bridge, it's so beautiful. All the NPCs being named is cool. The dialogue is informative.
Unknown System:
-The fight here isn't overwhelming, but with enough challenge to make it good.
Tactical cube section 214:
-Great use of the Borg interior. The ambush (still there since I last played it, right?) is an awesome use of a trigger and makes for a unique battle. The Borg are all named, so I feel like I'm not just shooting the same old drone. The boss battle is not impossible (that's good) but entertaining (especially with the Elachi hand cannon).
Tactical cube section 777:
-This has to be my favorite map. The atmosphere is just great, and the cramped corridors give that STF raid feel. The final battle is pretty tough but can be beat. One thing I'd recommend for this map is giving something to do along the way, like an interaction, so I'm not just essentially shooting my way to the end where the good stuff happens.
Unknown system escape (or whatever it was called):
-Variety with the diamonds appearing was nice.
Kessik system return:
-More Borg.
Sol system:
-Mobs mobs, everywhere. This is one you can't just zerg, it actually requires target selection.
ESD:
-You did the Borgification very nicely. I like the final boss room, since you can't run all over the place but have to use skills like hiding and dodging.
ESD leaving:
-I think you changed it already, from three waves to two. Two is much more manageable.
Overall story and comments:
I like the story, it's not just a random "Borg did this, kill them blarg". It's got enough emotion in it to make it more personal. The one thing I'd change is replace maybe a couple borg mobs on the cube with an interaction or dialogue or something so it's not entirely shooting to the end. Good mission.
I just saw that you revamped the enemies, so disregard anything here about enemies needing a revamp.
I'd also like to submit Of Morals and Ethics (Fed, level 35+, author: @voporak). I'll review Perfection, part 2 later two or tomorrow and then I'll submit Of Terror and Darkness with that (sorry if there was some confusion on it).
Hmm... I thought I had used one of the docking doors in the shipyard during a mission once but that must have been a custom map and not the social zone. Looking at DS9, the devs sure skimped on giving us mission doors... mostly crates and candlesticks. So I don't know... unless you want to create some silly side event, like getting the npc contact in the shipyard a raktajino from the replicator, your current door probably works best. Maybe just have the bar contact give clear directions to where the shuttle bay door is located. As a last resort, if people start complaining and dropping the mission, you could have the player beam out to their shuttle and meet the freighter somewhere in Beta Ursae.
Friendly Remans are available - just pick "Reman Rebellion" npc groups and they will be allied with the player. Just be careful... Remans are kind of OP with their mind drain so you might want to adjust those fights accordingly.
I had a huge post for you but I hit the exit button when I was switching tabs. I'll try to give a summary of the most important points.
This was a great Borg mission with a good story. Seems mainly story focused with the heaviest combat on the ground. Noticed no errors besides a few structures with the default foundry object names. Might want to rename those. I noted a few one-shot wonder maps that don't much besides give more loading screens. You might want to replace those or not use them at all, up to you. The ones in particular are the warping to Borg space with the conduit, and then warping back to Duran. Other than that, no issues. Nice cliffhanger and I wonder what will happen next.
5 stars. Sorry i couldn't give the really detailed post
U.S.S. Simba
-Good map. Lots of detail on it, lots of NPCs, and they talk. Kovu's dialogue is especiall emotional, and the explosion is unexpected.
Kalferi system:
-good design, and the mobs are not to much and not too little.
-That's Admiral Voporak to you!
Cait system:
-lol, so much borgification.
-I like that the mobs are optional, I can use my cloak to evade them.
-Taka's reactions feel very real.
Cait ground:
-Stealth module ftw.
Research facility:
-The Borg parts feel very well integrated.
-the dialogue was real and felt personal, not just like robotic responses.
Cait space, again:
-The battles were good, and killing Donatra was satisfying.
U.S.S. Simba:
-Free cheers!
-The way Taka told Karopov they were going to have a talk was just epic.
The story was great and emotional, and it felt personal. Nice mission!
I'd also like to submit Of Terror and Darkness for review, a sequal to Of Morals and Ethics.
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
Author: @starswordc
Let me start off by saying that when it comes to the Foundry, I am an author. I don't like making detailed reviews of missions. I would rather leave that task to others who seem to enjoy it. I prefer to see my role as a supporter of fellow authors.
Now, having said that, the following is the exception. As you read through, you may start to think I am nit picking and being overly critical. And would be right. But let me make this clear - I do so only because this mission deserves it. And by that, I mean it's a really good mission. 5 stars all the way and recommended. If you haven't played it yet, make a point of doing so as soon as possible... especially if you are a fellow Foundry author. It's a rare occurrence when someone "breaks the rules" and pulls it off.
Overall this could be classified as a story heavy, "combat light" mission. The heart of this mission is in the writing. You won't find a whole lot of SFX or "tricks" and maps are a bit sparse (but in no way detracting). The details are in the story which encompasses a wide range of fleshed out characters involved in an intriguing, original plot. As with all good first entries into an epic storyline, it leaves you wanting more yet satisfied.
Mission Description:
It has become standard practice to put the starting door (in bold green text) somewhere in the description.
Consider changing this cumbersome line ("this should be a pretty run-of-the-mill civil defense patrol posting") to "This posting will be a run-of-the-mill, civil defense patrol."
Prose style? As opposed to? What I believe you are trying to say is that this mission is written in the 3rd person and not in 2nd person? Why explain this? If you feel the need for a "disclaimer," leave it at "unconventional" and make me want to know more.
Remove the "Skirmish" reference. The way this sounds now, saying "one interaction," makes me think this is not very important and you just wasted my time. If it's important, simply say something like "this mission is based upon events that unfolded during 'Skirmish."
Grant Mission:
Skipper? Seriously? Skipper? I've got a bad feeling about this. OK, let me explain why this is bad. First, this is a huge departure from what we know of Starfleet terminology. No Starfleet Captain we've ever seen has been called "skipper" by his crew. The only one I can think of resides on Gilligan's Island. Second, this is my BOFF speaking to me. The use of "skipper" might pass as some quirky character trait if this was some new npc I had never encountered before. Lastly, this is the grant mission dialogue. You haven't earned my trust yet to depart from canon or conventional military/starfleet terminology. "Skipper," in common, modern usage, refers to someone in command of a commercial vessel. My character is no fisherman and this level of informality is not acceptable.
Not sure I like the use of brackets and a sudden break from grammar with [begin/end transmission]. I prefer *** Begin Transmission ***.
DS9:
Skipper, again. From a different BOFF. I'm beginning to fear mutiny with this level of disrespect. It also does't work when you throw "adjutant" in the same sentence, which is a very specific military term.
"I spoke with Admiral Marconi's adjutant and he's out of his office right now." You just told me the adjutant is out of the office.
Hmm... crumpled paper. Well, I guess it's ok that Starfleet has chosen to use such ancient technology for this report because whatever was in it was so meaningless that the Admiral pelts random station visitors with it.
"Well, welcome to the Beta Ursae Fleet Area. Well/welcome sounds like a stutter.
Consider changing "You recognize the telltales of a Cardassian phaser hit" to "the telltale sign of." And for reference, the last thing I would think of when seeing a "phaser hit" would be Cardassians, making it quite the opposite of "telltale."
Consider changing "raiding shipping around the Malon System" to "raiding shipping lanes" or "trade routes."
"Go ahead and take some shore leave but tomorrow." "Shore leave" implies an extended stay. Not "you have the night off." Seems like a forced use of a nautical term.
Malon System:
Captain's Log - Supplemental: Discipline has been restored on the bridge of the U.S.S. Sugar Magnolia. My crew now refers to me with a title I have both earned and deserve.
Nice map. The asteroid mining operation is quite nice.
Both the Ferasan and the Naussican have the same exact dialogue and text.
Consider changing "After ordering the ship to yellow alert just in case, you open a channel to the battleship" to "After ordering the ship to yellow alert, you open a channel to the ____________". You just called it the "flagship" then one sentence later called it the "battleship," causing confusion. Call it the same thing both times so we know you're talking about the same ship. You can also say, "Following standard Starfleet protocols, you order the ship to yellow alert."
I find it very comforting that the "huge" Breen quickly calculates Breen time to my ship's clock in his head after unexpected questioning.
Malon II:
Again, nice visuals on the space map though I'm a bit disconcerted by the space lightning and even more worried about the competence of my crew since it seems such a danger is unworthy of note.
You made specific mention of the Gorn following local practices to transmit his ship's manifest as "payment" for help. Yet, this is forgotten after I rescue the ship. Also, the Gorn animates a 'warp out" after telling me he plans to fly to DS9 on a single impulse engine.
"Maximum military power?" In Star Trek, we call that "warp factor 9." If you are trying to reference Starfleet's general order not to exceed warp 6 except in emergencies, then be specific.
Captain's Log - Supplemental: It seems the level of disrespect among my bridge officers has not gone away as previously thought. Again, I am referred to as "Skipper." From this point forward, all my Bridge Officers are on report and are facing disciplinary actions. (From now on I will not mention the use of "skipper.")
Dreon VII Village:
For some reason I really liked navigating the hilly terrain.
We tend to use "Defeat" enemies instead of "Kill."
My "Starfleet credentials?"
Tip: Jerek (and friend) beam in when triggered (and Jerek later sits down after another trigger, causing the "beam in" animation again). You can avoid the "beam in" and just have then npcs "fade in and out" by using different contacts (and reskinning them). I believe certain neutral animal mobs have no beam effects.
USS Marduk:
I have never seen a Starfleet officer in any tv show or movie to ask to "come aboard" after beaming onto a transporter pad.
Third time in a short time span I have seen "ASAP." The standard rule would be: you spell it out the first time, abbreviate it the second time and consult a thesaurus the third time.
Console in transporter room says "interact." Consider changing to "Access LCARS" or something. Same with the console in the warp core room. Did i just read the bio of all your toons?
As I suspected, knowing who Franklin Drake is from "Skirmish" didn't matter one bit. The text in the mission description only works as a spoiler to expect Section 31. Even if the player doesn't know exactly who he is, it still works fine since he is only mentioned in passing.
Ultima Thule:
Your best map yet. Visually striking with a feel of "inter-activity."
"Silent running?" Another forced term. If you are going to use it, expand and explain what that would mean in the context of a starship. The best way to do this with your current dialogue would be for the BOFF to explain what "silent running mode" is without actually saying "silent running," then have the player call it "silent running" when giving the order. That would make the player seem cool.
Who is Master Chief Wiggin? Interesting. I have my first suspect as leader of the "skipper conspiracy" and the one who may be subverting my officers.
Personal Pet Peeve: I know it happens in Cryptic missions but in Star Trek, they don't "hack." They "override" or "run algorithms" or "execute cascade failures" or "corrupt programming."
The Badlands:
A transwarp gate to the badlands?
Hehe... shuttles.
Shuttle One? You name everything else in the mission... but not the shuttle... all shuttles in Star Trek have names.
Mothership?
I lost the crate dialogue after a giant Gorn attacked my away team. Consider pushing that mob back a little.
Spooks?
I know this is a "story mission." But the pacing here needs some attention. After so many maps of little to no action, this is, what I assume, the climax and the big action finale. Yet I am constantly slowed down after every encounter with long, multiple branching dialogues. It's slowing everything down and taking the tension, excitement and adrenaline right out of the air.
There's also alot of captain level fights here. It doesn't bother me since I am one of the few players that likes ground. But I assure you others will complain.
CIC:
I am given the option of calling the Cardassian "Sir or Captain." It seems this is an important distinction. One worthy of a branching dialogue option. Why not the option of "Skipper?"
I let "greenskin" slide when the Bajorans said it... but a Starfleet Admiral? The joke doesn't work when the set-up takes you out your suspension of disbelief.
Does Section 31 report to Starfleet Command?
Captain's Log - Supplemental:
The mission is over yet the cost was high. My entire Bridge Officer staff has been demoted, re-assigned and awaits disciplinary action for insubordination, conduct unbecoming of a Starfleet Officer and conspiracy to commit mutiny. Skipper out.
Nice review I agree with all of it. The mission is solid, I usually skip "space pirate" missions but really enjoyed this one. It is too bad the disclaimer that it was prose style made me hesitant to try it sooner, as I imagined that it would have me hunched over my computer for 21/2 hours with bloodshot eyes. This was not the case at all.
Parallels: my second mission for Fed aligned Romulans.
Great timing for it to happen on the holidays
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJxCdh1Ps48
Parallels: my second mission for Fed aligned Romulans.