Don't apologize for having a real life. It sounds like a cool job, have fun in comic-con!
I had a blast. I got to see lots of cool stuff and several things I wish I could un-see...
Several members of the cast of TNG was there signing autographs in the "Lightspeed" booth as always, including Brent Spiner, Marina Sirtis, Gates McFadden, and LeVar Burton. It was nice to see them, but I had a job to do running the exhibits floor.
Now as soon as the Foundry comes back online I can get to work here too. In the meantime maybe I'll start a new character.
Well I was just on and it looks like Foundry missions are available again, but authors still do not have access yet. I plan to hold off review of anyone's mission until authors have access to the Foundry again.
I've checked over my mission and it appears it made it through with no bugs. I'd like to you review it as is before I start messing with it, if nothing more just to see where I'm at.
Play Star Trek: Allegiance - my first series in the Foundry
Summary: It is a nice, relatively short mission with a good and simple story. For a first mission you did a great job. The map designs are very well done and have some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is very well written throughout the mission and I noted no spelling or grammatical errors at all.
I also noted the enemy mobs you used are Klingons skinned to look like the aliens. This is only a mild distraction from the overall combat portion of the mission. It is a detail that you should consider changing. Perhaps use Orions as the mob with the alien skins. This would give you the combat, both energy weapon and hand to hand while not having distinctive weapons like the bat'leth.
Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. You may want to consider adding more story background to help draw the player in and make them want to click "Hail".
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. You may want to consider adding more to draw the player in and make them want to click "Accept".
Mission Task: Despite your inclusion of the start location for the first custom map you should consider adding it to the initial mission task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: USS Armistice: This is a good map design with well written dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Wagner System: This is a good map design and the dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding dialogue that directs the player to head to the station to contact the ambassador.
Wagner IV Station: This is a nice map design with good dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Access" interactions seemed a little short on story to justify the tasks. Consider beefing them up with more information.
-The additional NPC characters scattered around the station provide you with the chance to add optional dialogue that can add to the story. You can create the dialogue using triggers to make them available for the player, but not part of the story itself. This would allow you to get rid of the dialogue once the player interacts with it or reaches a certain point on the map.
Wagner System#2: This is a good map design with a nice battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Wagner IV: This is a nice map design with some tough battles and good story dialogue. The enemy mobs were noticeably Klingon despite the skin. I will cover this in more detail in the summary.
R&D Capital: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written. The enemy mob use of weapons gives away the nature of the mob skinned as aliens. I will cover this in the summary.
Wagner System#3: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue and is a good ending to the mission.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job, especially since this was your first mission in the Foundry. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
I would like to hear your opinion on my first mission. Would be happy if you find the time.
Mission Name: Shadows of the Past Author: backyardserenade Minimum Level: 31+ Allegiance: Federation Project ID: ST-HHG6JJ82J Estimated Mission Length: 30+ minutes Method of Report Delivery: Forum post (here)
Federation Mission - Shadows of the Past
Author: backyardserenade
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HHG6JJ82J
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. Considering that English is not your primary language. I'd say you did a very good job with your writing for this mission. You should consider adding in skip dialogue throughout the mission. This will help speed your mission completion up. Your map design is very well done and very detailed in many aspects. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who loves a great story combined with good maps and tough but fun battles.
The use of hidden objects as triggers for optional dialogue allows the author to add more to the story without increasing the storyline. Once the player accesses that part of the story then the prompt goes away. With a standard NPC used as a contact the dialogue remains even after the player has accessed it. I would highly recommend this method of creating optional dialogue. There is a tutorial regarding this on Starbase UGC along with s full set of tutorials on that site.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a nice grant dialogue with just enough detail to make the player want to "Accept" the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding additional buttons to the post "Grant Mission" dialogue. When the Admiral asks if the person knows of the attacks let them choose. If they say yea then you can use it as a "skip dialogue" so they can get right into the mission with a summary.
Mission Task: This is a good initial mission task with a clear location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Toron System: This is a good map with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
S.S. Ratosha Bridge: This is a good map design with a fun battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Believe me, Rank, I didn?t want to destroy" to read "Believe me, [Rank], I didn't want to destroy".
-Consider changing the response button "You deserve a recommendation" to read "You deserve a commendation".
S.S. Ratosha Cargo Area: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Janara: About yourself" dialogue; consider changing the response button "Ververmind" to read ""Never mind"".
Toron System Asteroid Belt: This is a good map design with fun battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Celestial Temple: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Terok Nor Promenade: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "For all we know the Prophets have send us back here" to read "For all we know the Prophets have sent us back here".
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue using hidden objects located with the NPC you want to have optional dialogue.
Terok Nor Docking Ring: This is an excellent and very detailed map design. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue using hidden objects located with the NPC you want to have optional dialogue. From this point I will only note the map and will cover this in the summary.
Terok Nor Habitat Ring: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue. This will be covered in the summary.
Toron Asteroid Belt: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue. This will be covered in the summary.
Toron Asteroid Belt: This is a nice map design and a good wrap up to the mission. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue. This will be covered in the summary.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job on this mission from start to finish. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Looks like you're getting your chance to catch up!
Yep. It feels good to be back in stride again. I spent the last few weeks playing an engineering character, which I?ve never played before. I had a lot of fun, and now it?s time to get back to the reviews, which I enjoy too. I actually spent some time playing around in the Foundry since it reopened and I like a lot of the new stuff.
Regarding the Klingon skin, this was on purpose. I probably could've made it clearer in the mission but I wanted to imply that the Federation didn't respond to the disaster of the test flight and so the logical move would be for the survivors to ally with the KDF
Regarding the Klingon skin, this was on purpose. I probably could've made it clearer in the mission but I wanted to imply that the Federation didn't respond to the disaster of the test flight and so the logical move would be for the survivors to ally with the KDF
Glad I could help and I really enjoyed the mission. I probably missed the dialogue about the disaster and the aliens being driven towards the KDF, so in that regard the skins make sense.
Still a good mission and I would recommend it to other players.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Summary: This is a great mission with good map designs, fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. The only real thing I think you should consider is adding "Skip Dialogue" buttons with a summary of the information for the longer dialogue. That way the player has the option to just get the information they need to continue the mission. As for the mission I was completely pulled into the story, and without giving away anything in the story, I was suspicious of the antagonists' motives from the beginning. I would highly recommend this mission to any player who likes a combination of good map design, tough, but fun battles, and excellent story dialogue.
Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a well written and intriguing description. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "This dissent can harmless" to read "This dissent can be harmless".
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear location for the first NPC contact to start the mission. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Starfleet Academy (Cryptic Map) : This is a good use of the Cryptic map as a bridge to the mission. You provided a clear location for the start of the first custom map. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Academy Cadet dialogue; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Thank you cadet" or something along those lines.
Holodeck 3: This is a good map design with excellent dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Briar Patch: This is an excellent map design with some fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Command Center: This is a great map design with tough but fun battles and very well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Computer Core: This is a good map design with a tough but fun battle. The story dialogue is very compelling. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Ferengi Lock Boxes" reference is funny but is a little bit of a distraction to the feel of the mission. Consider changing it to something else or just a straight response to the dialogue.
Briar Patch: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Vice Admiral Rodriguez dialogue; consider changing "[LastName], We know what you've just done here" to read "[LastName], we know what you've just done here".
U.S.S. Hartford - Bridge: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue that wraps up the mission nicely. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission and I am looking forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future, especially the continuation of this series. I noted that the review system for foundry missions seems to be offline; otherwise I would have left a 5 star rating for this mission.
Brian
Summary: This is a good mission with excellent map design, tough battles, and great story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors or any issues with the map designs anywhere in the mission. I would highly recommend this mission to all players who like these elements in a mission. I would have rated this mission with 5 stars but the in game rating system appears to be offline.
Mission Description: This is an intriguing description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a very detailed and well written grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
MAPS: Zimmerman Belt: This is a good map with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Outpost 39384: This is a good map with very well written and detailed dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Hunter Simulation 342: This is a great map design, although the blinding snow is a little annoying it is still a good map design with several very challenging battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Outpost 39384#2: This is a good map design with a fun battle. The story dialogue is very well written and a good wrap up to the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with the development of this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
My mission should be ready for season 6. I think I caught most of the errors the transition created, but I'm not sure about that, and the new editor gives me headeaches. It should be playable though. I hope it won't give you additional small work when you review my mission.
My mission should be ready for season 6. I think I caught most of the errors the transition created, but I'm not sure about that, and the new editor gives me headeaches. It should be playable though. I hope it won't give you additional small work when you review my mission.
I am getting ready to start "Sink the Bismark!" by drogyn1701 here shortly. Yours should be shortly after that.
Seems you've got quite the queue now Evil70th. I suppose I'd better add my new one now before it gets even longer
Mission Title: Sink the Bismarck!
Faction: Federation
Level: 31+
Start: Wolf 359
A Starfleet admiral asks you to participate in the testing of an experimental AI system designed to make space travel safer. But when the system takes control of one of Starfleet's most powerful ships, it's up to you to hunt her down and Sink the Bismarck!
Summary: This is a good mission with excellent map design, great story dialogue, and a lot of tough battles. I would not recommend players try it on Elite level. Some of the ground battles are pretty tough on Normal and would most likely be impossible on Elite. Despite this I still would highly recommend this mission to other players as it drew me in with the story and map designs.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is simple and straight forward. The post "Accept" dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Utopia Planitia: This is a nice map design but there is hardly any dialogue to this map. In the subspace message the Admiral talks about not being able to discuss it over subspace. When the player arrives and says hello they are off to the test site. Consider adding dialogue that goes in depth on what the project is about. Also consider using triggered dialogue for the optional dialogue. That way after the player interacts with the NPC the optional dialogue goes away.
Test Area: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue and your use of effects is very well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Battle Bridge: This is a good map design with very well written story dialogue. I like the "hook it up on Tuesday" line. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Fire Phasers" dialogue; consider changing "minimla impact on their shields, sir" to read "Minimal impact on their shields, sir".
Antares Sector: This is a great map design. Your use of the single map to encompass three star systems with battles and other objects in each is excellent despite the lack of warp effects. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "We shoud start with" to read "We should start with".
-The "Intercessor" dialogue; consider changing "Oh, well if it isn't [Rank] [LastName], The" to read "Oh, well if it isn't [Rank] [LastName], the".
-The interference in the Jolanne System did not start until the fighters attacked despite the Science BOFF mentioning it.
-The response button to the map transition dialogue states "Keep working on those engines" but the previous dialogue the Science BOFF reports "We can go to warp again". Is that intentional?
Command Center: This is an excellent map design. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "Yes admiral" to read "Yes Admiral".
-Consider changing the response button "Quikcly lieutenant" to read "Quickly Lieutenant".
-Consider changing "She's an Emissary Class cruiser" to read "She's an Emissary class cruiser".
-Consider changing the response button "If it is the Bismarck, what would she be doing her" to read "If it is the Bismarck, what would she be doing there".
Breyer System: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Terak" dialogue; consider changing "[Rank] This is Terak" to read "[Rank], this is Terak".
Bismarck Engineering Deck: This is a great map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider placing respawn points deeper into the map, especially due to the number of enemy mobs you placed in Main Engineering.
-The "Brunhilde" dialogue; consider changing "I observed him speaking with The Doctor concerning Holographic Rights" to read "I observed him speaking with the Doctor concerning Holographic rights".
Breyer System: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue and serves as a great wrap up to the mission. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Admiral Petrov, I'm sorry about all of this, I never mean for any of it to happen" to read "Admiral Petrov, I'm sorry about all of this, I never meant for any of it to happen".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission, and I would have rated it at 5 stars, but this feature appears to not be working. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Note: I am finalizing the dialouge as we speak; it is not done. Some dialouge may not make sense.
Hey Q400,
Welcome back to the queue. Your are currently 4th in the queue behind Duke-of-Rock. I hope to continue this evening and tomorrow morning with the queue. With luck I'll wrap up another one tonight and hopefully get to yours by tomorrow evening. If not it will be shortly after that, so you have a little more time to work on it.
Thank you so much for the good review. I'll be looking over your suggestions and might be making a few changes. Hope to begin working on part 2 soon.
If I could ask one more favor, when reviews get turned back on could you go back and give that 5 star rating? Would really help with my placement in search
Play Star Trek: Allegiance - my first series in the Foundry
Thank you so much for the good review. I'll be looking over your suggestions and might be making a few changes. Hope to begin working on part 2 soon.
If I could ask one more favor, when reviews get turned back on could you go back and give that 5 star rating? Would really help with my placement in search
I guess I should ask for a review of my new misson as soon as possible.
Mission Name: The heart of your enemy
Author: diogene0
Minimum Level: +16
Allegiance: KDF
Estimated Mission Length: Up to 60 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum post.
I've polished it a lot more, so you should'nt have to report about so many small typo/caps/mistakes issues, hopefully. If you see a typo or caps issue, though, just tell me "one/several/many typo or caps to check on map N". It will save you time.
I also hope the story and maps are even better now, I've completely changed the way I create missions. You'll tell me.
Thanks for your help!
Klingon Mission - The heart of your enemy
Author: diogene0
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HFDC324BE
Report Start
Summary: This is a very long but fun combat oriented mission. There are great maps, glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I would recommend this mission to other players seeking long and glorious battles. There is just enough story dialogue to explain what is going on to keep the mission moving forward.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "the time spent discussing about useless stuff" to read "the time spent discussing useless stuff".
-Consider changing "You will have to prompt this peoeple" to read "You will have to prompt these people".
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Deep into unknown space: This is a good map design with several glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Bridge of the heavy civilian transport: This is a good map design with some glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Enjoy your new living toy" dialogue; consider changing the response button "You want to leave" to read "You want to live". This would match the dialogue.
Ten minutes later: This is a nice map design with well written dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Deep into the transport ship: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The post "Collect the heart" dialogue; consider changing "It's time to test the romulan equipment" to read "It's time to test the Romulan equipment".
Seedea III Orbit: This is a good map design with several glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The post "Eliminate hostile ships" dialogue; consider changing "when we get back to Q'onos" to read "when we get back to Qo'noS".
Seedea III shipyard: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post "Find the source" dialogue; consider changing "They behave like romulans" to read "They behave like Romulans".
-Consider changing the response button "Scientits make me sick with their data" to read "Scientist make me sick with their data".
-The post "Overload the generator" dialogue; consider changing "One of the prototype just vanished" to read "One of the prototypes just vanished"
-Consider changing the mission task "Rescue the missing prototype" to read "Retrieve the mission prototype".
-The post "Rescue the missing prototype" dialogue; consider changing "Obiously they?re having trouble" to read "Obviously they?re having trouble".
Seedea III: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "We'll see that" to read "We'll see about that".
-The post "Defend your honour" dialogue; consider changing "but i'll do it my way" to read "but I?ll do it my way".
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Deactivate the romulan transporter inhibitor[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Deactivate the Romulan transporter inhibitor[/MissionInfo]".
Seedea III Orbit #2: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Eliminate the romulan reinforcement[/MissionInfo]" to read MissionInfo]Eliminate the Romulan reinforcement[/MissionInfo]".
Holodeck of the main city of Seedea III: This is a good map design with a glorious battle of demons and well written story dialogue. It is a good wrap up to the mission. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Get rid of the daemons to clear the way for your brothers[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Get rid of the demons to clear the way for your brothers[/MissionInfo]".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this combat oriented mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Title: Ghosts/Spirits of the Explorer, not sure which one to pick yet.
Description: TBA
Side: Federation
Starting Point: TBA
ID: Unknown
Rank: TBA, but at least 15 or 16+ due to featuring Devidians
Author: Well dalolorn, who else?! :P
Estimated Mission Length: TBA
Method of Delivery: Forum post, but this application is WAY too soon and just pointing out that there will (assuming the new Foundry actor display system doesn't scare me out of the Foundry before that) be a sequel to Exploratory Crisis that will need some reviewing.
Infinite possibilities have implications that could not be completely understood if you turned this entire universe into a giant supercomputer.
Thanks for your review! I'm glad you enjoyed it and I'm satisfied that you didn't find any balance issue this time. I didn't intend to create a combat oriented mission, I wanted to create one where people could "feel" what it is to be a Klingon warrior, but I think I focused too much on filling the map with mobs and not enough on the story. Anyway, you liked it, and that's the most important thing, so I will just make the changes you suggested.
Klingon Mission - The heart of your enemy
Author: diogene0
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HFDC324BE
Report Start
Summary: This is a very long but fun combat oriented mission. There are great maps, glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I would recommend this mission to other players seeking long and glorious battles. There is just enough story dialogue to explain what is going on to keep the mission moving forward.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "the time spent discussing about useless stuff" to read "the time spent discussing useless stuff".
-Consider changing "You will have to prompt this peoeple" to read "You will have to prompt these people".
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Deep into unknown space: This is a good map design with several glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Bridge of the heavy civilian transport: This is a good map design with some glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Enjoy your new living toy" dialogue; consider changing the response button "You want to leave" to read "You want to live". This would match the dialogue.
Ten minutes later: This is a nice map design with well written dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Deep into the transport ship: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The post "Collect the heart" dialogue; consider changing "It's time to test the romulan equipment" to read "It's time to test the Romulan equipment".
Seedea III Orbit: This is a good map design with several glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The post "Eliminate hostile ships" dialogue; consider changing "when we get back to Q'onos" to read "when we get back to Qo'noS".
Seedea III shipyard: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post "Find the source" dialogue; consider changing "They behave like romulans" to read "They behave like Romulans".
-Consider changing the response button "Scientits make me sick with their data" to read "Scientist make me sick with their data".
-The post "Overload the generator" dialogue; consider changing "One of the prototype just vanished" to read "One of the prototypes just vanished"
-Consider changing the mission task "Rescue the missing prototype" to read "Retrieve the mission prototype".
-The post "Rescue the missing prototype" dialogue; consider changing "Obiously they?re having trouble" to read "Obviously they?re having trouble".
Seedea III: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "We'll see that" to read "We'll see about that".
-The post "Defend your honour" dialogue; consider changing "but i'll do it my way" to read "but I?ll do it my way".
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Deactivate the romulan transporter inhibitor[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Deactivate the Romulan transporter inhibitor[/MissionInfo]".
Seedea III Orbit #2: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Eliminate the romulan reinforcement[/MissionInfo]" to read MissionInfo]Eliminate the Romulan reinforcement[/MissionInfo]".
Holodeck of the main city of Seedea III: This is a good map design with a glorious battle of demons and well written story dialogue. It is a good wrap up to the mission. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Get rid of the daemons to clear the way for your brothers[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Get rid of the demons to clear the way for your brothers[/MissionInfo]".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this combat oriented mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Thanks for your review! I'm glad you enjoyed it and I'm satisfied that you didn't find any balance issue this time. I didn't intend to create a combat oriented mission, I wanted to create one where people could "feel" what it is to be a Klingon warrior, but I think I focused too much on filling the map with mobs and not enough on the story. Anyway, you liked it, and that's the most important thing, so I will just make the changes you suggested.
Glad I could help. One would expect a Klingon mission to be combat oriented. The combat was very well balanced throughout the entire mission. The tougher fights came towards the end of the map as I reached the principle objective for that map. Also I noted that not all the mobs on the maps had to be engaged, but being Klingon the enemy indications on the map tasked me. They tasked me and I shall have them. I'll chase them around the maps of "Deep into the transport ship", "Seedea III shipyard", and around "perdition's flame" before I'll give them up?
Now that I think about it the only one that did not was the "Deep into the transport ship" map. The path I ended up taking took me to the Federation Captain before I finished clearing the rest. There are two ways to fix this. The first way and the one I would recommend; you have the "Take the heart and head" trigger as that group is killed. The other way is you have a door that blocks that path until the others are complete. As it was I cleared that room second and the "Take the heart and head" didn't trigger until I was all the way on the other end of the map.
Standard disclaimer: Not all Klingon missions have to be strictly a combat oriented. They can do investigations with little or no combat. Most Klingon missions are usually expected to have some combat in order for the player to feel their blood burn as it flows in their veins.
Title: Ghosts/Spirits of the Explorer, not sure which one to pick yet.
Description: TBA
Side: Federation
Starting Point: TBA
ID: Unknown
Rank: TBA, but at least 15 or 16+ due to featuring Devidians
Author: Well dalolorn, who else?! :P
Estimated Mission Length: TBA
Method of Delivery: Forum post, but this application is WAY too soon and just pointing out that there will (assuming the new Foundry actor display system doesn't scare me out of the Foundry before that) be a sequel to Exploratory Crisis that will need some reviewing.
I am getting ready to start reviewing Blood of the Paw, by Desdecardo and getting into the rest of the queue this morning. This mission is not actually ready to be reviewed yet correct?
Comments
I had a blast. I got to see lots of cool stuff and several things I wish I could un-see...
Several members of the cast of TNG was there signing autographs in the "Lightspeed" booth as always, including Brent Spiner, Marina Sirtis, Gates McFadden, and LeVar Burton. It was nice to see them, but I had a job to do running the exhibits floor.
Now as soon as the Foundry comes back online I can get to work here too. In the meantime maybe I'll start a new character.
Brian
Mission 1: Thy Own Enemy Author: nrobbiec
Mission 2: Shadows of the Past Author: backyardserenade
Mission 3: Star Trek: Allegiance Author: chicochavez
Mission 4: A Holo Peace Author: starkofthenorth
Mission 5: Jus In Bello Author: nrobbiec
Mission 6: Sink the Bismarck! Author: drogyn1701
Mission 7: The heart of your enemy Author: diogene0
Mission 8: Blood of the Paw Author: Desdecardo
Mission 9: ABI-Artificial Borg Intelligence Author: Duke-of-Rock
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Yes, both that and Jus In Bello please.
Both are now withdrawn from the queue.
Brian
Brian
Mission 1: Thy Own Enemy Author: nrobbiec
Mission 2: Shadows of the Past Author: backyardserenade
Mission 3: Star Trek: Allegiance Author: chicochavez
Mission 4: A Holo Peace Author: starkofthenorth
Mission 5: Sink the Bismarck! Author: drogyn1701
Mission 6: The heart of your enemy Author: diogene0
Mission 7: Blood of the Paw Author: Desdecardo
Mission 8: ABI-Artificial Borg Intelligence Author: Duke-of-Rock
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - Thy Own Enemy
Author: nrobbiec
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HF7FHIQ84
Report Start
Summary: It is a nice, relatively short mission with a good and simple story. For a first mission you did a great job. The map designs are very well done and have some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is very well written throughout the mission and I noted no spelling or grammatical errors at all.
I also noted the enemy mobs you used are Klingons skinned to look like the aliens. This is only a mild distraction from the overall combat portion of the mission. It is a detail that you should consider changing. Perhaps use Orions as the mob with the alien skins. This would give you the combat, both energy weapon and hand to hand while not having distinctive weapons like the bat'leth.
Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. You may want to consider adding more story background to help draw the player in and make them want to click "Hail".
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. You may want to consider adding more to draw the player in and make them want to click "Accept".
Mission Task: Despite your inclusion of the start location for the first custom map you should consider adding it to the initial mission task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
USS Armistice: This is a good map design with well written dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Wagner System: This is a good map design and the dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding dialogue that directs the player to head to the station to contact the ambassador.
Wagner IV Station: This is a nice map design with good dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Access" interactions seemed a little short on story to justify the tasks. Consider beefing them up with more information.
-The additional NPC characters scattered around the station provide you with the chance to add optional dialogue that can add to the story. You can create the dialogue using triggers to make them available for the player, but not part of the story itself. This would allow you to get rid of the dialogue once the player interacts with it or reaches a certain point on the map.
Wagner System#2: This is a good map design with a nice battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Wagner IV: This is a nice map design with some tough battles and good story dialogue. The enemy mobs were noticeably Klingon despite the skin. I will cover this in more detail in the summary.
R&D Capital: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written. The enemy mob use of weapons gives away the nature of the mob skinned as aliens. I will cover this in the summary.
Wagner System#3: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue and is a good ending to the mission.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job, especially since this was your first mission in the Foundry. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Federation Mission - Shadows of the Past
Author: backyardserenade
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HHG6JJ82J
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. Considering that English is not your primary language. I'd say you did a very good job with your writing for this mission. You should consider adding in skip dialogue throughout the mission. This will help speed your mission completion up. Your map design is very well done and very detailed in many aspects. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who loves a great story combined with good maps and tough but fun battles.
The use of hidden objects as triggers for optional dialogue allows the author to add more to the story without increasing the storyline. Once the player accesses that part of the story then the prompt goes away. With a standard NPC used as a contact the dialogue remains even after the player has accessed it. I would highly recommend this method of creating optional dialogue. There is a tutorial regarding this on Starbase UGC along with s full set of tutorials on that site.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a nice grant dialogue with just enough detail to make the player want to "Accept" the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding additional buttons to the post "Grant Mission" dialogue. When the Admiral asks if the person knows of the attacks let them choose. If they say yea then you can use it as a "skip dialogue" so they can get right into the mission with a summary.
Mission Task: This is a good initial mission task with a clear location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Toron System: This is a good map with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
S.S. Ratosha Bridge: This is a good map design with a fun battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Believe me, Rank, I didn?t want to destroy" to read "Believe me, [Rank], I didn't want to destroy".
-Consider changing the response button "You deserve a recommendation" to read "You deserve a commendation".
S.S. Ratosha Cargo Area: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Janara: About yourself" dialogue; consider changing the response button "Ververmind" to read ""Never mind"".
Toron System Asteroid Belt: This is a good map design with fun battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Celestial Temple: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Terok Nor Promenade: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "For all we know the Prophets have send us back here" to read "For all we know the Prophets have sent us back here".
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue using hidden objects located with the NPC you want to have optional dialogue.
Terok Nor Docking Ring: This is an excellent and very detailed map design. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue using hidden objects located with the NPC you want to have optional dialogue. From this point I will only note the map and will cover this in the summary.
Terok Nor Habitat Ring: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue. This will be covered in the summary.
Toron Asteroid Belt: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue. This will be covered in the summary.
Toron Asteroid Belt: This is a nice map design and a good wrap up to the mission. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue. This will be covered in the summary.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job on this mission from start to finish. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Foundry Mission Database
Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
Untitled Series - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - Commander Rihan
Yep. It feels good to be back in stride again. I spent the last few weeks playing an engineering character, which I?ve never played before. I had a lot of fun, and now it?s time to get back to the reviews, which I enjoy too. I actually spent some time playing around in the Foundry since it reopened and I like a lot of the new stuff.
Brian
Regarding the Klingon skin, this was on purpose. I probably could've made it clearer in the mission but I wanted to imply that the Federation didn't respond to the disaster of the test flight and so the logical move would be for the survivors to ally with the KDF
Glad I could help and I really enjoyed the mission. I probably missed the dialogue about the disaster and the aliens being driven towards the KDF, so in that regard the skins make sense.
Still a good mission and I would recommend it to other players.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Federation Mission - Star Trek: Allegiance
Author: chicochavez
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HTZQSHUM2
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission with good map designs, fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. The only real thing I think you should consider is adding "Skip Dialogue" buttons with a summary of the information for the longer dialogue. That way the player has the option to just get the information they need to continue the mission. As for the mission I was completely pulled into the story, and without giving away anything in the story, I was suspicious of the antagonists' motives from the beginning.
Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a well written and intriguing description. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "This dissent can harmless" to read "This dissent can be harmless".
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear location for the first NPC contact to start the mission. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Starfleet Academy (Cryptic Map) : This is a good use of the Cryptic map as a bridge to the mission. You provided a clear location for the start of the first custom map. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Academy Cadet dialogue; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Thank you cadet" or something along those lines.
Holodeck 3: This is a good map design with excellent dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Briar Patch: This is an excellent map design with some fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Command Center: This is a great map design with tough but fun battles and very well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Computer Core: This is a good map design with a tough but fun battle. The story dialogue is very compelling. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Ferengi Lock Boxes" reference is funny but is a little bit of a distraction to the feel of the mission. Consider changing it to something else or just a straight response to the dialogue.
Briar Patch: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Vice Admiral Rodriguez dialogue; consider changing "[LastName], We know what you've just done here" to read "[LastName], we know what you've just done here".
U.S.S. Hartford - Bridge: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue that wraps up the mission nicely. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission and I am looking forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future, especially the continuation of this series. I noted that the review system for foundry missions seems to be offline; otherwise I would have left a 5 star rating for this mission.
Brian
This critique report also filed 08/04/2012 on forum posting for: Star Trek: Allegiance (my first mission).
Federation Mission - A Holo Peace
Author: starkofthenorth
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HCDDB7SUD
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with excellent map design, tough battles, and great story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors or any issues with the map designs anywhere in the mission. I would highly recommend this mission to all players who like these elements in a mission. I would have rated this mission with 5 stars but the in game rating system appears to be offline.
Mission Description: This is an intriguing description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a very detailed and well written grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
MAPS:
Zimmerman Belt: This is a good map with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Outpost 39384: This is a good map with very well written and detailed dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Hunter Simulation 342: This is a great map design, although the blinding snow is a little annoying it is still a good map design with several very challenging battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Outpost 39384#2: This is a good map design with a fun battle. The story dialogue is very well written and a good wrap up to the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with the development of this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 08/04/2012 on forum posting for: A Holo Peace, by Gingie (Redux).
God, lvl 60 CW. 17k.
I am getting ready to start "Sink the Bismark!" by drogyn1701 here shortly. Yours should be shortly after that.
It is for the Foundry Challenge, and completed. I want some feedback so I can make the mission excellent.
Title: Mudds' Treasures
Handle: @Q400
Faction: Federation
Estimated Length: Unknown
ID: ST-HBL2ES8IC
Note: I am finalizing the dialouge as we speak; it is not done. Some dialouge may not make sense.
Original Handle: @Q400
Join Date: December 2010
Federation Mission - Sink the Bismarck!
Author: drogyn1701
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HH3YAGDNU
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with excellent map design, great story dialogue, and a lot of tough battles. I would not recommend players try it on Elite level. Some of the ground battles are pretty tough on Normal and would most likely be impossible on Elite. Despite this I still would highly recommend this mission to other players as it drew me in with the story and map designs.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is simple and straight forward. The post "Accept" dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Utopia Planitia: This is a nice map design but there is hardly any dialogue to this map. In the subspace message the Admiral talks about not being able to discuss it over subspace. When the player arrives and says hello they are off to the test site. Consider adding dialogue that goes in depth on what the project is about. Also consider using triggered dialogue for the optional dialogue. That way after the player interacts with the NPC the optional dialogue goes away.
Test Area: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue and your use of effects is very well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Battle Bridge: This is a good map design with very well written story dialogue. I like the "hook it up on Tuesday" line.
-The "Fire Phasers" dialogue; consider changing "minimla impact on their shields, sir" to read "Minimal impact on their shields, sir".
Antares Sector: This is a great map design. Your use of the single map to encompass three star systems with battles and other objects in each is excellent despite the lack of warp effects. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "We shoud start with" to read "We should start with".
-The "Intercessor" dialogue; consider changing "Oh, well if it isn't [Rank] [LastName], The" to read "Oh, well if it isn't [Rank] [LastName], the".
-The interference in the Jolanne System did not start until the fighters attacked despite the Science BOFF mentioning it.
-The response button to the map transition dialogue states "Keep working on those engines" but the previous dialogue the Science BOFF reports "We can go to warp again". Is that intentional?
Command Center: This is an excellent map design. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "Yes admiral" to read "Yes Admiral".
-Consider changing the response button "Quikcly lieutenant" to read "Quickly Lieutenant".
-Consider changing "She's an Emissary Class cruiser" to read "She's an Emissary class cruiser".
-Consider changing the response button "If it is the Bismarck, what would she be doing her" to read "If it is the Bismarck, what would she be doing there".
Breyer System: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Terak" dialogue; consider changing "[Rank] This is Terak" to read "[Rank], this is Terak".
Bismarck Engineering Deck: This is a great map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider placing respawn points deeper into the map, especially due to the number of enemy mobs you placed in Main Engineering.
-The "Brunhilde" dialogue; consider changing "I observed him speaking with The Doctor concerning Holographic Rights" to read "I observed him speaking with the Doctor concerning Holographic rights".
Breyer System: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue and serves as a great wrap up to the mission. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Admiral Petrov, I'm sorry about all of this, I never mean for any of it to happen" to read "Admiral Petrov, I'm sorry about all of this, I never meant for any of it to happen".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission, and I would have rated it at 5 stars, but this feature appears to not be working. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 08/04/2012 on forum posting for: Consolidated list of Drogyn1701's missions.
Hey Q400,
Welcome back to the queue. Your are currently 4th in the queue behind Duke-of-Rock. I hope to continue this evening and tomorrow morning with the queue. With luck I'll wrap up another one tonight and hopefully get to yours by tomorrow evening. If not it will be shortly after that, so you have a little more time to work on it.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If I could ask one more favor, when reviews get turned back on could you go back and give that 5 star rating? Would really help with my placement in search
I can do that.
Brian
Klingon Mission - The heart of your enemy
Author: diogene0
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HFDC324BE
Report Start
Summary: This is a very long but fun combat oriented mission. There are great maps, glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I would recommend this mission to other players seeking long and glorious battles. There is just enough story dialogue to explain what is going on to keep the mission moving forward.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "the time spent discussing about useless stuff" to read "the time spent discussing useless stuff".
-Consider changing "You will have to prompt this peoeple" to read "You will have to prompt these people".
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Deep into unknown space: This is a good map design with several glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Bridge of the heavy civilian transport: This is a good map design with some glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Enjoy your new living toy" dialogue; consider changing the response button "You want to leave" to read "You want to live". This would match the dialogue.
Ten minutes later: This is a nice map design with well written dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Deep into the transport ship: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The post "Collect the heart" dialogue; consider changing "It's time to test the romulan equipment" to read "It's time to test the Romulan equipment".
Seedea III Orbit: This is a good map design with several glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The post "Eliminate hostile ships" dialogue; consider changing "when we get back to Q'onos" to read "when we get back to Qo'noS".
Seedea III shipyard: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post "Find the source" dialogue; consider changing "They behave like romulans" to read "They behave like Romulans".
-Consider changing the response button "Scientits make me sick with their data" to read "Scientist make me sick with their data".
-The post "Overload the generator" dialogue; consider changing "One of the prototype just vanished" to read "One of the prototypes just vanished"
-Consider changing the mission task "Rescue the missing prototype" to read "Retrieve the mission prototype".
-The post "Rescue the missing prototype" dialogue; consider changing "Obiously they?re having trouble" to read "Obviously they?re having trouble".
Seedea III: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "We'll see that" to read "We'll see about that".
-The post "Defend your honour" dialogue; consider changing "but i'll do it my way" to read "but I?ll do it my way".
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Deactivate the romulan transporter inhibitor[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Deactivate the Romulan transporter inhibitor[/MissionInfo]".
Seedea III Orbit #2: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Eliminate the romulan reinforcement[/MissionInfo]" to read MissionInfo]Eliminate the Romulan reinforcement[/MissionInfo]".
Holodeck of the main city of Seedea III: This is a good map design with a glorious battle of demons and well written story dialogue. It is a good wrap up to the mission. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Get rid of the daemons to clear the way for your brothers[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Get rid of the demons to clear the way for your brothers[/MissionInfo]".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this combat oriented mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 08/05/2012 on forum posting for: KDF mission : The heart of your enemy.
Title: Ghosts/Spirits of the Explorer, not sure which one to pick yet.
Description: TBA
Side: Federation
Starting Point: TBA
ID: Unknown
Rank: TBA, but at least 15 or 16+ due to featuring Devidians
Author: Well dalolorn, who else?! :P
Estimated Mission Length: TBA
Method of Delivery: Forum post, but this application is WAY too soon and just pointing out that there will (assuming the new Foundry actor display system doesn't scare me out of the Foundry before that) be a sequel to Exploratory Crisis that will need some reviewing.
Infinite possibilities have implications that could not be completely understood if you turned this entire universe into a giant supercomputer.
God, lvl 60 CW. 17k.
Couple of corrections:
Scientists make me sick with their data
Retrieve the missing prototype.
Infinite possibilities have implications that could not be completely understood if you turned this entire universe into a giant supercomputer.
God, lvl 60 CW. 17k.
Meh, maybe Klingons can't spell in English... in which case it could have been an intentional error? :rolleyes:
Infinite possibilities have implications that could not be completely understood if you turned this entire universe into a giant supercomputer.
Glad I could help. One would expect a Klingon mission to be combat oriented. The combat was very well balanced throughout the entire mission. The tougher fights came towards the end of the map as I reached the principle objective for that map. Also I noted that not all the mobs on the maps had to be engaged, but being Klingon the enemy indications on the map tasked me. They tasked me and I shall have them. I'll chase them around the maps of "Deep into the transport ship", "Seedea III shipyard", and around "perdition's flame" before I'll give them up?
Now that I think about it the only one that did not was the "Deep into the transport ship" map. The path I ended up taking took me to the Federation Captain before I finished clearing the rest. There are two ways to fix this. The first way and the one I would recommend; you have the "Take the heart and head" trigger as that group is killed. The other way is you have a door that blocks that path until the others are complete. As it was I cleared that room second and the "Take the heart and head" didn't trigger until I was all the way on the other end of the map.
Standard disclaimer: Not all Klingon missions have to be strictly a combat oriented. They can do investigations with little or no combat. Most Klingon missions are usually expected to have some combat in order for the player to feel their blood burn as it flows in their veins.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
I am getting ready to start reviewing Blood of the Paw, by Desdecardo and getting into the rest of the queue this morning. This mission is not actually ready to be reviewed yet correct?
Thanks for authoring,
Brian