orangefireeMember, NW M9 PlaytestPosts: 1,148Arc User
edited January 2014
Ok, "The Chosen of The Planes" has been launched into its alpha stage, along with a pretty decent boss fight as far as foundry quests go. And thus, this storyline is complete, but a larger story has only begun.
Also, if anyone is willing to take on the entire campaign so I can get some feedback on the overall storyline, I am sure I can set up something to make it worth your time. (Ok, if you have three accounts with 15 five hour quests on each, maybe not. But I don't think anyone has even one quest that long. Though I am willing to do one of that length, just not 45 of them.)
Neverwinter players are stubborn things....until you strip them down to bone. (Cursed players, my flowers, MINE!) Oh how I plotted their demise.
I'm midway through your campaign. The story is shaping up nicely. I just finished Shadowfell Disciples and Demonweb. Overall, its shaping up nicely so far. Let me share some thoughts with you so far:
Some General Thoughts:
- Using [MissionInfo] colours in your dialogue would do a bit of wonders I think. It's hard to read a wall of white text. If you could highlight keywords relating to the story, I think that would help with people reading at home.
-I think that your building interiors could be more lively. The inn in the first quest seems rather empty and I would have expected a few other travellers staying at the inn as well. Brizak's house is also really quite bare. I know he's a reward-seeking nut, but I still imagine that maybe his house would be strewn with books as he's researching for the next big reward or there would be signs he hasn't cleaned in a while because of his reward addiction. Some more interior design would do your quest good.
The Shadowfell Disciples:
- One of the first objectives says "Enterance" instead of "Entrance"
- I thought you could do a bit more with the goblins on the road and make them seem more ambient (like, have them looting the caravans they just raided)
- The cave teleport to the caverns is a bit too far back into the wall.
Otherwise, pretty good quest!
The Demonweb Game
I felt this quest was a bit weaker than your first one. Let me give you some of my thoughts:
- As mentioned before, Brizak's house is quite empty.
- I had something weird happen when I first went into Brizak's house. When he opened the portal, a bunch of random mages and guards suddenly appeared and fought some other mobs. Is this some leftover detail you forgot to remove?
- Sounds and music don't seem to work well in the Demonweb areas. It must be a bug of some sort, but I only noticed it when playing this quest.
- There is a "Go to Next Map" on the 1st portal in the Demonweb area.
- It might be a good idea to make gathering the torch pieces an actual mission objective. That first portal, going back and forth gathering the torch pieces was a bit of a chore and definitely the weakest part of the quest.
- A fire effect on burning the web might have been nice.
- Going back to the main area after defeating an avatar felt like a waste of time. The only reason you should do that is if we have any choice in choosing which portal to do next. But, I understand the limitations of the Foundry so I see why you had to make us do it in a certain order. If that's the case, I reckon just make the player automatically go to the next portal and not go back to the main area. It just takes up way too much loading time.
- The second portal has some odd objective names. It says "Reach the fourth platform" when you enter the area but I wasn't aware I had reached a 1st, 2nd or 3rd to begin with.
- Might be a good idea to make the guardian disappear after you give the answer to him.
- "You Avatar?" in the dialogue with Lilith on the last portal should be "Your Avatar?"
The second quest in the campaign is noticeably weaker than the first and felt like a grind. It's okay if you like grinds, but I did prefer your first quest much better.
Cheers,
Rigellia
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orangefireeMember, NW M9 PlaytestPosts: 1,148Arc User
I'm midway through your campaign. The story is shaping up nicely. I just finished Shadowfell Disciples and Demonweb. Overall, its shaping up nicely so far. Let me share some thoughts with you so far:
Some General Thoughts:
- Using [MissionInfo] colours in your dialogue would do a bit of wonders I think. It's hard to read a wall of white text. If you could highlight keywords relating to the story, I think that would help with people reading at home.
-I think that your building interiors could be more lively. The inn in the first quest seems rather empty and I would have expected a few other travellers staying at the inn as well. Brizak's house is also really quite bare. I know he's a reward-seeking nut, but I still imagine that maybe his house would be strewn with books as he's researching for the next big reward or there would be signs he hasn't cleaned in a while because of his reward addiction. Some more interior design would do your quest good.
The Shadowfell Disciples:
- One of the first objectives says "Enterance" instead of "Entrance"
- I thought you could do a bit more with the goblins on the road and make them seem more ambient (like, have them looting the caravans they just raided)
- The cave teleport to the caverns is a bit too far back into the wall.
Otherwise, pretty good quest!
The Demonweb Game
I felt this quest was a bit weaker than your first one. Let me give you some of my thoughts:
- As mentioned before, Brizak's house is quite empty.
- I had something weird happen when I first went into Brizak's house. When he opened the portal, a bunch of random mages and guards suddenly appeared and fought some other mobs. Is this some leftover detail you forgot to remove?
- Sounds and music don't seem to work well in the Demonweb areas. It must be a bug of some sort, but I only noticed it when playing this quest.
- There is a "Go to Next Map" on the 1st portal in the Demonweb area.
- It might be a good idea to make gathering the torch pieces an actual mission objective. That first portal, going back and forth gathering the torch pieces was a bit of a chore and definitely the weakest part of the quest.
- A fire effect on burning the web might have been nice.
- Going back to the main area after defeating an avatar felt like a waste of time. The only reason you should do that is if we have any choice in choosing which portal to do next. But, I understand the limitations of the Foundry so I see why you had to make us do it in a certain order. If that's the case, I reckon just make the player automatically go to the next portal and not go back to the main area. It just takes up way too much loading time.
- The second portal has some odd objective names. It says "Reach the fourth platform" when you enter the area but I wasn't aware I had reached a 1st, 2nd or 3rd to begin with.
- Might be a good idea to make the guardian disappear after you give the answer to him.
- "You Avatar?" in the dialogue with Lilith on the last portal should be "Your Avatar?"
The second quest in the campaign is noticeably weaker than the first and felt like a grind. It's okay if you like grinds, but I did prefer your first quest much better.
Cheers,
Rigellia
Thanks for playing. The second one I have always felt was the worst. In my opinion, the storyline improves in part three. The first is by far the most well polished though.
As for the mages and guards, it sounds like my timer is acting weird. That is what the portal opening in connected to. Did you see the drow assassin? If so, you might have also noticed that the portal opened when it died.
Neverwinter players are stubborn things....until you strip them down to bone. (Cursed players, my flowers, MINE!) Oh how I plotted their demise.
Alright, about to start the last quest of the campaign. Here's my thoughts on the Shadowfell Fortress and The Temple of the Planes.
The Shadowfell Fortress:
Overall, better than part 2. The encounters on the whole were good.
- Long corridors were a bit sparse in my opinion. The grassy ground seemed a bit weird too. Do you have enough in your budget to at least make it stone/gravel?
- You could do with more decoration and music in this quest on the whole. If you had music, it didn't play for me.
- You're right, the story is a lot better in this quest and has improved a lot.
- I would suggest adding doors behind you when you go to new maps. It seems weird to appear in new buildings with no doors behind you.
So, generally quite good. It just needs detail.
The Temple of the Planes:
- Oh boy... what was going on with that main temple room? Why did it have to be so big? Why was so empty? And just... so much purple.. I don't like saying this, especially seeing how much effort you put in to the walls and ceiling, but it just doesn't look good. It did get quite annoying having to trek across the room. If you were thinking about ways of making the quest longer so it could be eligible for dailies, big pointless rooms are not the way to do it.
- Same criticism I had about Brizax's/Brizak's (He suddenly changed name?) room I have for the apprentice's room: Lack of detail. She mentions studying these magic books, but she has only one bookshelf and I don't see anything resembling a study desk/table.
- The maze did a good job being a maze. Again, like the torches in chapter 2, you should probably make the crests an official objective. It feels good seeing "Objective complete" every time you do something and having one with each crest found would be nice.
-The apprentice says "I don't even you what you are" should be "I don't even know what you are" in the boss room.
-Speaking of the boss room... those coloured gems... umm not exactly eye-pleasing. There were also a lot of misnamed entities, like I kept seeing "Interact with Invisible Cylinder 20ft x 20ft" or something like that. You better check all the components in that room.
- I liked the riddle you used to enter the vault room.
-Very nice special effects with going unconscious and waking up.
I won't deny it, I really didn't like the big purple room. You need to either fill it up with stuff/scenery or make it a whole lot smaller. Otherwise, the maze and quest was good.
Cheers,
Rigellia
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orangefireeMember, NW M9 PlaytestPosts: 1,148Arc User
Alright, about to start the last quest of the campaign. Here's my thoughts on the Shadowfell Fortress and The Temple of the Planes.
The Shadowfell Fortress:
Overall, better than part 2. The encounters on the whole were good.
- Long corridors were a bit sparse in my opinion. The grassy ground seemed a bit weird too. Do you have enough in your budget to at least make it stone/gravel?
- You could do with more decoration and music in this quest on the whole. If you had music, it didn't play for me.
- You're right, the story is a lot better in this quest and has improved a lot.
- I would suggest adding doors behind you when you go to new maps. It seems weird to appear in new buildings with no doors behind you.
So, generally quite good. It just needs detail.
The Temple of the Planes:
- Oh boy... what was going on with that main temple room? Why did it have to be so big? Why was so empty? And just... so much purple.. I don't like saying this, especially seeing how much effort you put in to the walls and ceiling, but it just doesn't look good. It did get quite annoying having to trek across the room. If you were thinking about ways of making the quest longer so it could be eligible for dailies, big pointless rooms are not the way to do it.
- Same criticism I had about Brizax's/Brizak's (He suddenly changed name?) room I have for the apprentice's room: Lack of detail. She mentions studying these magic books, but she has only one bookshelf and I don't see anything resembling a study desk/table.
- The maze did a good job being a maze. Again, like the torches in chapter 2, you should probably make the crests an official objective. It feels good seeing "Objective complete" every time you do something and having one with each crest found would be nice.
-The apprentice says "I don't even you what you are" should be "I don't even know what you are" in the boss room.
-Speaking of the boss room... those coloured gems... umm not exactly eye-pleasing. There were also a lot of misnamed entities, like I kept seeing "Interact with Invisible Cylinder 20ft x 20ft" or something like that. You better check all the components in that room.
- I liked the riddle you used to enter the vault room.
-Very nice special effects with going unconscious and waking up.
I won't deny it, I really didn't like the big purple room. You need to either fill it up with stuff/scenery or make it a whole lot smaller. Otherwise, the maze and quest was good.
Cheers,
Rigellia
Thanks for the feedback. Brizax should not have changed his name so that would be a typo.
As for the Temple of The Planes, yes, I didn't really like the purple room either so thanks for being honest. I hadn't received any feedback on it yet so I didn't want to change it around a lot until I knew what other players thought about it as well.
I hope you enjoy part five.
Neverwinter players are stubborn things....until you strip them down to bone. (Cursed players, my flowers, MINE!) Oh how I plotted their demise.
Alright, I finished it and it was indeed a satisfying ending Just thoughts on the last chapter:
The Chosen of the Planes:
-Those trees that are surrounding the village border.... oh boy. I hate to say it again, but they're not a good look. You should try to find some variety with the trees instead of just copy-pasting one of them.
- I was going to mention something about the tavern interior lacking stuff, but given how it's supposed to be dodgy anyway, I guess this one can slide
- Quite a few typos:
Weekness = weakness
affects = effects
confuesed = confused
your = you're
- When you're at the edge of the planescar and Vlathis is being controlled, she switches name to "Archmage Vlathis" a bit early (before she decides to adopt it on the next map with the prisoners)
- Speaking of the map with the prisoners, what's the deal with the barricades? They don't really look good and I thought I had to do something to remove them. Turns out jumping over was the key, but that's not obvious. If you want to lock the players in once they start fighting the giant thing, I suggest having barriers that appear during that objective event and maybe put a respawn spot inside that area.
- Great climatic ending and dialogue as well
I hope you get a chance to tinker more with your last few maps. I suggest investing a lot more time into your environments as they're the only things truly lacking in your quest.
Now, some general thoughts on the campaign:
Campaign thoughts:
-The campaign story flowed quite well. I think it hit a stutter with chapter 2 since that was the only one without Vlathis really physically appearing in it and she's kinda the main character of this campaign (seemed that way to me really). But 3, 4 & 5 were good and definitely picked up the pace with the story.
- General advice for all of your campaign: Add more details into the environment! A lot of bare rooms which, if you just added a bit of detail to them, it would really make this campaign come to life.
Anyhoo, thanks for sharing your campaign! I might play it again later when you've worked on it a bit more. If I were to give your campaign a final mark, I'd give it 7.5/10, with the main things stopping it from being truly great are the environments. Work on those and I'm sure you'd have a truly excellent campaign
0
orangefireeMember, NW M9 PlaytestPosts: 1,148Arc User
Alright, I finished it and it was indeed a satisfying ending Just thoughts on the last chapter:
The Chosen of the Planes:
-Those trees that are surrounding the village border.... oh boy. I hate to say it again, but they're not a good look. You should try to find some variety with the trees instead of just copy-pasting one of them.
- I was going to mention something about the tavern interior lacking stuff, but given how it's supposed to be dodgy anyway, I guess this one can slide
- Quite a few typos:
Weekness = weakness
affects = effects
confuesed = confused
your = you're
- When you're at the edge of the planescar and Vlathis is being controlled, she switches name to "Archmage Vlathis" a bit early (before she decides to adopt it on the next map with the prisoners)
- Speaking of the map with the prisoners, what's the deal with the barricades? They don't really look good and I thought I had to do something to remove them. Turns out jumping over was the key, but that's not obvious. If you want to lock the players in once they start fighting the giant thing, I suggest having barriers that appear during that objective event and maybe put a respawn spot inside that area.
- Great climatic ending and dialogue as well
I hope you get a chance to tinker more with your last few maps. I suggest investing a lot more time into your environments as they're the only things truly lacking in your quest.
Now, some general thoughts on the campaign:
Campaign thoughts:
-The campaign story flowed quite well. I think it hit a stutter with chapter 2 since that was the only one without Vlathis really physically appearing in it and she's kinda the main character of this campaign (seemed that way to me really). But 3, 4 & 5 were good and definitely picked up the pace with the story.
- General advice for all of your campaign: Add more details into the environment! A lot of bare rooms which, if you just added a bit of detail to them, it would really make this campaign come to life.
Anyhoo, thanks for sharing your campaign! I might play it again later when you've worked on it a bit more. If I were to give your campaign a final mark, I'd give it 7.5/10, with the main things stopping it from being truly great are the environments. Work on those and I'm sure you'd have a truly excellent campaign
I'm glad you enjoyed it. I will work on adding everything you suggested tomorrow. I will try to add some significant story improvements for chapter 2, Vlathis would be hard to put in without major storyline changes elsewhere but I'm sure I will think of something. I already have some idea for the environments such as the granite in chapter three as well.
Thanks again for playing. If you need reviews on anything else, let me know.
Neverwinter players are stubborn things....until you strip them down to bone. (Cursed players, my flowers, MINE!) Oh how I plotted their demise.
This might feel a little disjointed, as I'm just writing notes as I come across them. Overall thoughts have been submitted as in-game reviews.
The Shadowfell Disciples - 3/5
*Good, mysterious way to jump into the action.
*The inn feels very sparse. It's a big room; fill it with stuff. More chairs, tables, a hearth... Make it look like there's a reason for the space to be so large.
*No music in the inn or Goblin Path.
*The burning objects in the Goblin Path feel rather arbitrarily placed; most of them aren't on fire and don't have anything around them to suggest that there was a fire, so they just look like they're glowing red for no obvious reason.
*When you hit the invisible wall in the Goblin Caves, where you see the leader watching a captive, the dialogue is a bit awkward grammatically. It's also not immediately clear that the goblin is talking to you.
*After leaving the aforementioned chamber following the shadow magic, the message says "That sounded loud" but the only audio is a faint gonging. Perhaps switch to a different sound effect?
*Where it says (Give her your name as well), it would probably flow better to actually state your name instead. I know there's an argument that inserts the PC's name, but I don't recall what it is off the top of my head and can't look it up while playing. But there's a thing you can click in the dialogue editor to insert it.
*If you haven't used up the NPC budget in the Goblin Caves, perhaps spawn another version of Vlathis to run out of the chamber instead of having her just vanish when the dialogue ends.
*The long dialogue when you return to the inn is a little awkward to all be keyed off a single invisible wall Interact. Consider splitting it into a couple quest steps to talk to the NPCs directly.
The Demonweb Game - 3/5
*Brizax's House is also very empty. Needs a lot more stuff to make it look lived-in. Bookshelves, maybe an easy chair by the fire, random magical stuff lying around, etc.
*"Where can we find him." should end in a question mark.
*Brizax's dialogue following the above is a very long run-on sentence.
*When Brizax opens the portal, a bunch of guards appear and start attacking the wall before randomly vanishing.
*No music on The Demonweb (shouldn't it technically be The Demonweb Pits?)
*Lolth's dialogue also contains a big run-on sentence.
*It feels very odd that Lolth would be immediately willing to help you when the planeshift doesn't seem like it would cause her any problems. Especially without trying to get anything from you in return for her aid.
*The Demonweb also feels a bit empty. Perhaps add some drow-themed objects to it?
*Typo: "do not let the intruers past this platform!" This statement also feels odd, since you don't encounter any enemies until you've already left the platform. Perhaps add a surprise attack by drow here.
*"Pawn of Lolth" makes it sound like the priestess doesn't know she's being used by her own goddess. Servant or Minion seem like more accurate titles.
This might feel a little disjointed, as I'm just writing notes as I come across them. Overall thoughts have been submitted as in-game reviews.
The Shadowfell Disciples - 3/5
*Good, mysterious way to jump into the action.
*The inn feels very sparse. It's a big room; fill it with stuff. More chairs, tables, a hearth... Make it look like there's a reason for the space to be so large.
*No music in the inn or Goblin Path.
*The burning objects in the Goblin Path feel rather arbitrarily placed; most of them aren't on fire and don't have anything around them to suggest that there was a fire, so they just look like they're glowing red for no obvious reason.
*When you hit the invisible wall in the Goblin Caves, where you see the leader watching a captive, the dialogue is a bit awkward grammatically. It's also not immediately clear that the goblin is talking to you.
*After leaving the aforementioned chamber following the shadow magic, the message says "That sounded loud" but the only audio is a faint gonging. Perhaps switch to a different sound effect?
*Where it says (Give her your name as well), it would probably flow better to actually state your name instead. I know there's an argument that inserts the PC's name, but I don't recall what it is off the top of my head and can't look it up while playing. But there's a thing you can click in the dialogue editor to insert it.
*If you haven't used up the NPC budget in the Goblin Caves, perhaps spawn another version of Vlathis to run out of the chamber instead of having her just vanish when the dialogue ends.
*The long dialogue when you return to the inn is a little awkward to all be keyed off a single invisible wall Interact. Consider splitting it into a couple quest steps to talk to the NPCs directly.
The Demonweb Game - 3/5
*Brizax's House is also very empty. Needs a lot more stuff to make it look lived-in. Bookshelves, maybe an easy chair by the fire, random magical stuff lying around, etc.
*"Where can we find him." should end in a question mark.
*Brizax's dialogue following the above is a very long run-on sentence.
*When Brizax opens the portal, a bunch of guards appear and start attacking the wall before randomly vanishing.
*No music on The Demonweb (shouldn't it technically be The Demonweb Pits?)
*Lolth's dialogue also contains a big run-on sentence.
*It feels very odd that Lolth would be immediately willing to help you when the planeshift doesn't seem like it would cause her any problems. Especially without trying to get anything from you in return for her aid.
*The Demonweb also feels a bit empty. Perhaps add some drow-themed objects to it?
*Typo: "do not let the intruers past this platform!" This statement also feels odd, since you don't encounter any enemies until you've already left the platform. Perhaps add a surprise attack by drow here.
*"Pawn of Lolth" makes it sound like the priestess doesn't know she's being used by her own goddess. Servant or Minion seem like more accurate titles.
Thanks for playing.
The name is only usable by NPCs, players can not say their own name. I tried it.
My sounds doesn't work so I don't know what is actually loud and what isn't.
What exactly did you dislike about the invisible wall trick? I want to have them talk to each other a little as well as the player.
Lolth isn't trying to help you, she is just playing around with you because she doesn't think you are worth the effort to kill personally. She also doesn't think you will actually stop the planeshift, I will try to make this more clear.
Neverwinter players are stubborn things....until you strip them down to bone. (Cursed players, my flowers, MINE!) Oh how I plotted their demise.
The Shadowfell Fortress - 3/5
*Same note about Bizax's house as above, only now he doesn't have a bed either.
*When Bizax goes to open the portal, a drow assassin suddenly appears in his house followed by a pack of Neverwinter Guards. The guards promptly disappear when it dies and Bizax doesn't even seem to notice.
*Grammatical error: "The Shadowfell Fortress is contains nothing..."
*The Shadowfell Fortress exterior contains nothing that isn't used for combat, but what that seems to translate to is that it contains nothing. I would expect to see things like weapon racks, suits of armor, etc. to fill what is otherwise an empty hallway. The architecture looks awesome, though.
*The Shadowfell Fortress would definitely benefit from some ominous music.
*The lighting in the Shadowfell Fortress exterior feels much too bright for the Shadowfell. It looks like it's in direct sunlight.
*Typo on Apprentice Vlathis: "Then I guess I just have you come with you."
*The Mysterious Attacker mentions being unable to speak of what happened in the Demonweb, but such a plot point never came up earlier, and in fact I just told Vlathis about it not two minutes ago.
*The reward chest is partially embedded in the wall.
The Shadowfell Fortress - 3/5
*Same note about Bizax's house as above, only now he doesn't have a bed either.
*When Bizax goes to open the portal, a drow assassin suddenly appears in his house followed by a pack of Neverwinter Guards. The guards promptly disappear when it dies and Bizax doesn't even seem to notice.
*Grammatical error: "The Shadowfell Fortress is contains nothing..."
*The Shadowfell Fortress exterior contains nothing that isn't used for combat, but what that seems to translate to is that it contains nothing. I would expect to see things like weapon racks, suits of armor, etc. to fill what is otherwise an empty hallway. The architecture looks awesome, though.
*The Shadowfell Fortress would definitely benefit from some ominous music.
*The lighting in the Shadowfell Fortress exterior feels much too bright for the Shadowfell. It looks like it's in direct sunlight.
*Typo on Apprentice Vlathis: "Then I guess I just have you come with you."
*The Mysterious Attacker mentions being unable to speak of what happened in the Demonweb, but such a plot point never came up earlier, and in fact I just told Vlathis about it not two minutes ago.
*The reward chest is partially embedded in the wall.
Thanks for playing, the timer seems to be acting funny and resulting in the drow and guards.
The Mysterious attacker was just talking about when he attacked you in the Demonweb. Talking about the rest of your mission there, however, is not effected. I will try to make that more clear when I get my next update done which plans to improve the environments.
Neverwinter players are stubborn things....until you strip them down to bone. (Cursed players, my flowers, MINE!) Oh how I plotted their demise.
The Temple of the Planes - 3/5
*See above about the sparseness of Brizax's House.
*The first room in the Temple Of The Planes (incidentally, "Of The" should not be capitalized) is enormous and very, very empty. Waiting to see if there's a reason for this, but filling it with objects would help it to feel like more than just a giant empty box.
*Love the maze. It's very easy to get lost in. I wish, though, that it was a bit more clear about precisely what you need to find in it.
*Should there be some sort of penalty for failing to select the right order of gems at the Planar Vault, such as a monster attack? Right now there's no reason not to simply pick each option until you get the right one, effectively bypassing the puzzle.
*Some of the objects inside the Planar Vault, around Nylrisa, show their doodad names (i.e. "Invisible Wall - Cylinder 10x10x10. Press F to Smash the Crystal."
*After resisting the spell, the first prompt you get is "Press F to interact." Probably should change this to something a little more flavorful.
The Chosen of the Planes - 3/5
*There's not really any nice way to put this: the wall of trees surrounding Nourphsan looks terrible. It's blatantly obvious that it's the same tree repeated hundreds of times, without even any rotation or anything to vary it up.
*The lack of ambient audio in Nourphsan is very noticeable.
*The inn is another very large, relatively empty room. There needs to be more filling it.
*I don't know what you mean by "the single rug seems to be turned sideways."
*Music is desperately needed in the inn, especially after you fall into the planescar. Something creepy or dramatic would fit well.
*Vlathis tells you here spell will take you to the Edge of the Planescar. Why, when you arrive, do you have to tell her where you are?
*Typo: "How about we find you and put, and put an end to your mad schemes?"
*A very common typo throughout this whole campaign: "You are" contracts to "You're." "Your" is the possessive word. i.e. "You're probably going to need someone to look over your grammar."
*There was some ambient music at the Edge of the Planescar, but none in the next map. Disappointing.
*It says "Press F to take the portal" at the very end after defeating Zyraen, but there's no portal graphic.
*Overall, though, a solid ending to the campaign.
The Chosen of the Planes - 3/5
*There's not really any nice way to put this: the wall of trees surrounding Nourphsan looks terrible. It's blatantly obvious that it's the same tree repeated hundreds of times, without even any rotation or anything to vary it up.
*The lack of ambient audio in Nourphsan is very noticeable.
*The inn is another very large, relatively empty room. There needs to be more filling it.
*I don't know what you mean by "the single rug seems to be turned sideways."
*Music is desperately needed in the inn, especially after you fall into the planescar. Something creepy or dramatic would fit well.
*Vlathis tells you here spell will take you to the Edge of the Planescar. Why, when you arrive, do you have to tell her where you are?
*Typo: "How about we find you and put, and put an end to your mad schemes?"
*A very common typo throughout this whole campaign: "You are" contracts to "You're." "Your" is the possessive word. i.e. "You're probably going to need someone to look over your grammar."
*There was some ambient music at the Edge of the Planescar, but none in the next map. Disappointing.
*It says "Press F to take the portal" at the very end after defeating Zyraen, but there's no portal graphic.
*Overall, though, a solid ending to the campaign.
I agree with the Nourphsan trees. I plan to make a change to that in the next update, it looked a lot worse then I thought it would, but I forgot to change them before publishing.
Thanks for playing through the campaign. I am planning to play your quests, but I have just been kind of busy lately. Expect my review soon though, probably once I get these updates implemented.
Neverwinter players are stubborn things....until you strip them down to bone. (Cursed players, my flowers, MINE!) Oh how I plotted their demise.
Hi, I just played the Part.1. of your quest. I loved it, but some advice:
- need some details on the maps(first map, inn, tunnel)
- in the cave: before I get the explosives, at the rocks interactable text says: "Press F to take explosive". I think, it would be better first: "You need explosives, to destroy thees rocks" or something similar. Then you get the explosives, the interactable text is: "Press F to take explosives"
- Dialog at the end of Part.1.: '...The figure I to talked to said "Greathear" at some point. He disappreared before..." (disappeared)
A will play your entire campaign, because is very enjoyable!
Sorry, the english is'nt my first language!
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orangefireeMember, NW M9 PlaytestPosts: 1,148Arc User
Hi, I just played the Part.1. of your quest. I loved it, but some advice:
- need some details on the maps(first map, inn, tunnel)
- in the cave: before I get the explosives, at the rocks interactable text says: "Press F to take explosive". I think, it would be better first: "You need explosives, to destroy thees rocks" or something similar. Then you get the explosives, the interactable text is: "Press F to take explosives"
- Dialog at the end of Part.1.: '...The figure I to talked to said "Greathear" at some point. He disappreared before..." (disappeared)
A will play your entire campaign, because is very enjoyable!
Sorry, the english is'nt my first language!
Thanks for playing, I am glad you enjoyed it. I hope you enjoy the rest of the campaign as well. The rest isn't quite as polished as the first but I just finished some updates so there shouldn't be any major issues.
Edit: A few things on your notes.
First map? You mean the vision part? There isn't really supposed to be much there, you aren't exactly seeing a very large area.
I can't really have the interact text on the rocks change when you have explosive. Foundry limitation.
Neverwinter players are stubborn things....until you strip them down to bone. (Cursed players, my flowers, MINE!) Oh how I plotted their demise.
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orangefireeMember, NW M9 PlaytestPosts: 1,148Arc User
Hi, I just played the Part.1. of your quest. I loved it, but some advice:
- need some details on the maps(first map, inn, tunnel)
- in the cave: before I get the explosives, at the rocks interactable text says: "Press F to take explosive". I think, it would be better first: "You need explosives, to destroy thees rocks" or something similar. Then you get the explosives, the interactable text is: "Press F to take explosives"
- Dialog at the end of Part.1.: '...The figure I to talked to said "Greathear" at some point. He disappreared before..." (disappeared)
A will play your entire campaign, because is very enjoyable!
Sorry, the english is'nt my first language!
I saw your in game reviews on parts two and three, thanks. As for part three, what maps specifically did you think need more details? The second one (After the initial conversation only one.) is 1500/1500 now so not much more I can do.
Neverwinter players are stubborn things....until you strip them down to bone. (Cursed players, my flowers, MINE!) Oh how I plotted their demise.
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orangefireeMember, NW M9 PlaytestPosts: 1,148Arc User
edited February 2014
Did Cryptic make some change to the foundry list? Part five suddenly got enough plays to be daily eligible if the average duration was one minute higher. (Did this become someone's daily speedrun quest or something? I didn't know it was that short.) and part six has four plays and was released yesterday. Not complaining, just kind of surprised.
Neverwinter players are stubborn things....until you strip them down to bone. (Cursed players, my flowers, MINE!) Oh how I plotted their demise.
"First map? You mean the vision part? There isn't really supposed to be much there, you aren't exactly seeing a very large area..."
Yes, I think the Vision part and some map in later, but it is only my opinion, NOT derogatory criticism!(I use debris, decals, some effects in empty maps) Your campaign is good! But why only some quests is daily?!
"I can't really have the interact text on the rocks change when you have explosive. Foundry limitation."
You can do it:
- place an invisible interactable sphere near the rock -> check "Contact" -> you can write in the "Hint" window the text - like in dialog - ("You need explosives..."etc) This invisible interactable object appeared immeditaly and dissapeared when objective complete(Get explosives)
- First objective: Get explosives
- Next objectives: Destroy the rock(the rock will be interactable only when first objective is complete!)
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orangefireeMember, NW M9 PlaytestPosts: 1,148Arc User
"First map? You mean the vision part? There isn't really supposed to be much there, you aren't exactly seeing a very large area..."
Yes, I think the Vision part and some map in later, but it is only my opinion, NOT derogatory criticism!(I use debris, decals, some effects in empty maps) Your campaign is good! But why only some quests is daily?!
"I can't really have the interact text on the rocks change when you have explosive. Foundry limitation."
You can do it:
- place an invisible interactable sphere near the rock -> check "Contact" -> you can write in the "Hint" window the text - like in dialog - ("You need explosives..."etc) This invisible interactable object appeared immeditaly and dissapeared when objective complete(Get explosives)
- First objective: Get explosives
- Next objectives: Destroy the rock(the rock will be interactable only when first objective is complete!)
I will take a look at that for the rock then. As for daily eligibility, parts four and six just don't have enough plays for it. Part five is short a couple minutes, I will look at adding a couple more fights or something to get it to fifteen minutes, I think people are skipping the dialogue or something.
Neverwinter players are stubborn things....until you strip them down to bone. (Cursed players, my flowers, MINE!) Oh how I plotted their demise.
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orangefireeMember, NW M9 PlaytestPosts: 1,148Arc User
The Chosen of the Planes - 3/5
*There's not really any nice way to put this: the wall of trees surrounding Nourphsan looks terrible. It's blatantly obvious that it's the same tree repeated hundreds of times, without even any rotation or anything to vary it up.
*The lack of ambient audio in Nourphsan is very noticeable.
*The inn is another very large, relatively empty room. There needs to be more filling it.
*I don't know what you mean by "the single rug seems to be turned sideways."
*Music is desperately needed in the inn, especially after you fall into the planescar. Something creepy or dramatic would fit well.
*Vlathis tells you here spell will take you to the Edge of the Planescar. Why, when you arrive, do you have to tell her where you are?
*Typo: "How about we find you and put, and put an end to your mad schemes?"
*A very common typo throughout this whole campaign: "You are" contracts to "You're." "Your" is the possessive word. i.e. "You're probably going to need someone to look over your grammar."
*There was some ambient music at the Edge of the Planescar, but none in the next map. Disappointing.
*It says "Press F to take the portal" at the very end after defeating Zyraen, but there's no portal graphic.
*Overall, though, a solid ending to the campaign.
I actually had ambient music throughout every map except the fourth one. Not sure why it wasn't playing in Nourphsan and the inn.
Neverwinter players are stubborn things....until you strip them down to bone. (Cursed players, my flowers, MINE!) Oh how I plotted their demise.
I had a chance to run The Temple Of The Planes tonight. It is a nice continuation of the Campaign. The story was well written and the maze was interesting. No major problems or issues that I came across, good work. Starred and tipped.
I did notice a few little things ...
- the large room you enter into, the Temple? Seemed somewhat barren. The wisps made for an interesting sight and lighting effect, but the room was just too large to have that little in it. I actually noticed this trend through out the entire quest, just the minimum of detailing.
- in a number of the rooms and hallways, I saw torches on the walls, but they were not lit. Although there was light glows in all the rooms and halls, seemed a bit odd.
- in the maze, the objective says to acquire the "crests" of reality, fire and ice. But, when I find the altars, there is nothing on them and I don't receive a "crest" when I click on them? Maybe add a item, named Crest to loot and something on the altar that looks like it could be a Crest, or just reword it all to do something to the Altars themselves.
- in the vault area, there is a opening in the wall to one side and you can see 10 npc/mobs just standing there in pairs. They don't appear to do anything during the quest, are they there for a reason? They all had the default guard outfits on.
- the Titan you fight, is larger than the room, his head sticks through the roof the whole fight.
When you get a chance, please run my newest quest: Clan Ravenclaw : NW-DU3QXH237
Campaign: Ashmadai Incursion
[1] Devils in the Sewer : NW-DQ9WRV8HX : Daily Eligible : Featured
[2] The Summoning : NW-DGG95NROO : Daily Eligible
[3] Temple of the Winds NW-DM5JFJ3UL : Daily Eligible
I had a chance to run The Temple Of The Planes tonight. It is a nice continuation of the Campaign. The story was well written and the maze was interesting. No major problems or issues that I came across, good work. Starred and tipped.
I did notice a few little things ...
- the large room you enter into, the Temple? Seemed somewhat barren. The wisps made for an interesting sight and lighting effect, but the room was just too large to have that little in it. I actually noticed this trend through out the entire quest, just the minimum of detailing.
- in a number of the rooms and hallways, I saw torches on the walls, but they were not lit. Although there was light glows in all the rooms and halls, seemed a bit odd.
- in the maze, the objective says to acquire the "crests" of reality, fire and ice. But, when I find the altars, there is nothing on them and I don't receive a "crest" when I click on them? Maybe add a item, named Crest to loot and something on the altar that looks like it could be a Crest, or just reword it all to do something to the Altars themselves.
- in the vault area, there is a opening in the wall to one side and you can see 10 npc/mobs just standing there in pairs. They don't appear to do anything during the quest, are they there for a reason? They all had the default guard outfits on.
- the Titan you fight, is larger than the room, his head sticks through the roof the whole fight.
When you get a chance, please run my newest quest: Clan Ravenclaw : NW-DU3QXH237
Thanks for playing.
The torches shouldn't be there at all. I'm not sure why they are intruding on my foundry quest.
The crests don't drop? They used to. I wonder if making them an objective broke something in which case, there probably isn't much I can do other then revert them into being non objective (but still mandatory).
Gah! It looks like I accidently put the rooms to close together and left them there. That is what I do to kill the three servitors that spawn with Anihilator XII. (Base encounter is a bone golem) You may have noticed a brief fight there when Anihilator XII activated. You shouldn't actually be seeing my kill room though.
Neverwinter players are stubborn things....until you strip them down to bone. (Cursed players, my flowers, MINE!) Oh how I plotted their demise.
Yes, making the link to an objectives removes the object's Drop properties to the Objective's drop properties. Easy fix in the Story tab. Add the items to the objective.
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orangefireeMember, NW M9 PlaytestPosts: 1,148Arc User
Yes, making the link to an objectives removes the object's Drop properties to the Objective's drop properties. Easy fix in the Story tab. Add the items to the objective.
The problem is that the items are all different in this case. I can probable make it three objectives to get around that though.
Neverwinter players are stubborn things....until you strip them down to bone. (Cursed players, my flowers, MINE!) Oh how I plotted their demise.
If you're still open for review trades, I hope you can consider reviewing my first foundry quest. It shouldn't be too long, about 25-30min for the solo player.
The Summon Chapter 1 -- NW-DAN23WIAM
I will go through your quest when I get back home in a couple of hours. Hope that's okay!
Just played through the first part of the campaign.
Overall, I think it was a great balance of story and quest. As for grammatical errors, I haven't noticed any new ones that hasn't been mentioned or fixed yet.
A couple of things that could definitely improve this is the addition of more environmental details and music. For example, the inn looked a bit empty. It could definitely use some furniture and perhaps a bit chatter in the background.
The first map could use more debris as some areas looked too bare compared to others.
As a melee character, I found the passages with the conjurer mage a little bit too narrow to move around. Got stuck a few times in the crowd. Maybe put in a few side rooms for the mages and leave the hallway for simpler monsters like the prisoners.
Just a suggestion for improvement: Maybe add in a couple of traps here and there.
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orangefireeMember, NW M9 PlaytestPosts: 1,148Arc User
Just played through the first part of the campaign.
Overall, I think it was a great balance of story and quest. As for grammatical errors, I haven't noticed any new ones that hasn't been mentioned or fixed yet.
A couple of things that could definitely improve this is the addition of more environmental details and music. For example, the inn looked a bit empty. It could definitely use some furniture and perhaps a bit chatter in the background.
The first map could use more debris as some areas looked too bare compared to others.
As a melee character, I found the passages with the conjurer mage a little bit too narrow to move around. Got stuck a few times in the crowd. Maybe put in a few side rooms for the mages and leave the hallway for simpler monsters like the prisoners.
Just a suggestion for improvement: Maybe add in a couple of traps here and there.
Thanks for playing. You also got me an authoring achievement so thanks for that as well.
Neverwinter players are stubborn things....until you strip them down to bone. (Cursed players, my flowers, MINE!) Oh how I plotted their demise.
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orangefireeMember, NW M9 PlaytestPosts: 1,148Arc User
If you're still open for review trades, I hope you can consider reviewing my first foundry quest. It shouldn't be too long, about 25-30min for the solo player.
The Summon Chapter 1 -- NW-DAN23WIAM
I will go through your quest when I get back home in a couple of hours. Hope that's okay!
Playing through your quest now.
1.) You may want to name the first map "Inn" or something rather then just "Start".
2.) The enemies on the second map could use some customization as well an actual name.
3.) Some more information on how we got here would be nice. I assume it is a dream but the name doesn't help much.
4.) Some enemies seem to have had their costumes and names switched, probably due to duplicating or copy/pasting.
5.) Graethear is learning to hate lag at level 13. I hope I can still finish this.
6.) The two stacked ogres might be a bit tough for some people.
7.) Why are the driders labeled as battle wight commanders?
8.) After defeating the drider wights, there is a reach point objective that requires me to run away from the area and then back. Why not just have the map transition after the drider wights?
9.) Speaking of that map transition, it says "Go to next map".
10.) The next map is named First (Duplicate) this could definitely use a rename.
11.) Again, the reach point objective here seems pointless as well.
12.) Going back to the inn, it is named "start (Duplicate)".
Overall, the story is starting off good. Some enemy customization and map renames would be my main suggestion. A reduction in the amount of fighting might also be nice, or at least break it up with some more dialogue.
Neverwinter players are stubborn things....until you strip them down to bone. (Cursed players, my flowers, MINE!) Oh how I plotted their demise.
1.) You may want to name the first map "Inn" or something rather then just "Start".
2.) The enemies on the second map could use some customization as well an actual name.
3.) Some more information on how we got here would be nice. I assume it is a dream but the name doesn't help much.
4.) Some enemies seem to have had their costumes and names switched, probably due to duplicating or copy/pasting.
5.) Graethear is learning to hate lag at level 13. I hope I can still finish this.
6.) The two stacked ogres might be a bit tough for some people.
7.) Why are the driders labeled as battle wight commanders?
8.) After defeating the drider wights, there is a reach point objective that requires me to run away from the area and then back. Why not just have the map transition after the drider wights?
9.) Speaking of that map transition, it says "Go to next map".
10.) The next map is named First (Duplicate) this could definitely use a rename.
11.) Again, the reach point objective here seems pointless as well.
12.) Going back to the inn, it is named "start (Duplicate)".
Overall, the story is starting off good. Some enemy customization and map renames would be my main suggestion. A reduction in the amount of fighting might also be nice, or at least break it up with some more dialogue.
Thank you for the review and feedback, fixing the quest up now based on that. Didn't notice the map/monster names in the Foundry, could've sworn I changed them... Guess it didn't go through or I didn't hit publish afterwards xD
Going to continue a bit more of your campaign tonight hopefully. Thanks again for the feedback!
Comments
Also, if anyone is willing to take on the entire campaign so I can get some feedback on the overall storyline, I am sure I can set up something to make it worth your time. (Ok, if you have three accounts with 15 five hour quests on each, maybe not. But I don't think anyone has even one quest that long. Though I am willing to do one of that length, just not 45 of them.)
I'm midway through your campaign. The story is shaping up nicely. I just finished Shadowfell Disciples and Demonweb. Overall, its shaping up nicely so far. Let me share some thoughts with you so far:
Some General Thoughts:
- Using [MissionInfo] colours in your dialogue would do a bit of wonders I think. It's hard to read a wall of white text. If you could highlight keywords relating to the story, I think that would help with people reading at home.
-I think that your building interiors could be more lively. The inn in the first quest seems rather empty and I would have expected a few other travellers staying at the inn as well. Brizak's house is also really quite bare. I know he's a reward-seeking nut, but I still imagine that maybe his house would be strewn with books as he's researching for the next big reward or there would be signs he hasn't cleaned in a while because of his reward addiction. Some more interior design would do your quest good.
The Shadowfell Disciples:
- One of the first objectives says "Enterance" instead of "Entrance"
- I thought you could do a bit more with the goblins on the road and make them seem more ambient (like, have them looting the caravans they just raided)
- The cave teleport to the caverns is a bit too far back into the wall.
Otherwise, pretty good quest!
The Demonweb Game
I felt this quest was a bit weaker than your first one. Let me give you some of my thoughts:
- As mentioned before, Brizak's house is quite empty.
- I had something weird happen when I first went into Brizak's house. When he opened the portal, a bunch of random mages and guards suddenly appeared and fought some other mobs. Is this some leftover detail you forgot to remove?
- Sounds and music don't seem to work well in the Demonweb areas. It must be a bug of some sort, but I only noticed it when playing this quest.
- There is a "Go to Next Map" on the 1st portal in the Demonweb area.
- It might be a good idea to make gathering the torch pieces an actual mission objective. That first portal, going back and forth gathering the torch pieces was a bit of a chore and definitely the weakest part of the quest.
- A fire effect on burning the web might have been nice.
- Going back to the main area after defeating an avatar felt like a waste of time. The only reason you should do that is if we have any choice in choosing which portal to do next. But, I understand the limitations of the Foundry so I see why you had to make us do it in a certain order. If that's the case, I reckon just make the player automatically go to the next portal and not go back to the main area. It just takes up way too much loading time.
- The second portal has some odd objective names. It says "Reach the fourth platform" when you enter the area but I wasn't aware I had reached a 1st, 2nd or 3rd to begin with.
- Might be a good idea to make the guardian disappear after you give the answer to him.
- "You Avatar?" in the dialogue with Lilith on the last portal should be "Your Avatar?"
The second quest in the campaign is noticeably weaker than the first and felt like a grind. It's okay if you like grinds, but I did prefer your first quest much better.
Cheers,
Rigellia
Thanks for playing. The second one I have always felt was the worst. In my opinion, the storyline improves in part three. The first is by far the most well polished though.
As for the mages and guards, it sounds like my timer is acting weird. That is what the portal opening in connected to. Did you see the drow assassin? If so, you might have also noticed that the portal opened when it died.
The Shadowfell Fortress:
Overall, better than part 2. The encounters on the whole were good.
- Long corridors were a bit sparse in my opinion. The grassy ground seemed a bit weird too. Do you have enough in your budget to at least make it stone/gravel?
- You could do with more decoration and music in this quest on the whole. If you had music, it didn't play for me.
- You're right, the story is a lot better in this quest and has improved a lot.
- I would suggest adding doors behind you when you go to new maps. It seems weird to appear in new buildings with no doors behind you.
So, generally quite good. It just needs detail.
The Temple of the Planes:
- Oh boy... what was going on with that main temple room? Why did it have to be so big? Why was so empty? And just... so much purple.. I don't like saying this, especially seeing how much effort you put in to the walls and ceiling, but it just doesn't look good. It did get quite annoying having to trek across the room. If you were thinking about ways of making the quest longer so it could be eligible for dailies, big pointless rooms are not the way to do it.
- Same criticism I had about Brizax's/Brizak's (He suddenly changed name?) room I have for the apprentice's room: Lack of detail. She mentions studying these magic books, but she has only one bookshelf and I don't see anything resembling a study desk/table.
- The maze did a good job being a maze. Again, like the torches in chapter 2, you should probably make the crests an official objective. It feels good seeing "Objective complete" every time you do something and having one with each crest found would be nice.
-The apprentice says "I don't even you what you are" should be "I don't even know what you are" in the boss room.
-Speaking of the boss room... those coloured gems... umm not exactly eye-pleasing. There were also a lot of misnamed entities, like I kept seeing "Interact with Invisible Cylinder 20ft x 20ft" or something like that. You better check all the components in that room.
- I liked the riddle you used to enter the vault room.
-Very nice special effects with going unconscious and waking up.
I won't deny it, I really didn't like the big purple room. You need to either fill it up with stuff/scenery or make it a whole lot smaller. Otherwise, the maze and quest was good.
Cheers,
Rigellia
Thanks for the feedback. Brizax should not have changed his name so that would be a typo.
As for the Temple of The Planes, yes, I didn't really like the purple room either so thanks for being honest. I hadn't received any feedback on it yet so I didn't want to change it around a lot until I knew what other players thought about it as well.
I hope you enjoy part five.
The Chosen of the Planes:
-Those trees that are surrounding the village border.... oh boy. I hate to say it again, but they're not a good look. You should try to find some variety with the trees instead of just copy-pasting one of them.
- I was going to mention something about the tavern interior lacking stuff, but given how it's supposed to be dodgy anyway, I guess this one can slide
- Quite a few typos:
Weekness = weakness
affects = effects
confuesed = confused
your = you're
- When you're at the edge of the planescar and Vlathis is being controlled, she switches name to "Archmage Vlathis" a bit early (before she decides to adopt it on the next map with the prisoners)
- Speaking of the map with the prisoners, what's the deal with the barricades? They don't really look good and I thought I had to do something to remove them. Turns out jumping over was the key, but that's not obvious. If you want to lock the players in once they start fighting the giant thing, I suggest having barriers that appear during that objective event and maybe put a respawn spot inside that area.
- Great climatic ending and dialogue as well
I hope you get a chance to tinker more with your last few maps. I suggest investing a lot more time into your environments as they're the only things truly lacking in your quest.
Now, some general thoughts on the campaign:
Campaign thoughts:
-The campaign story flowed quite well. I think it hit a stutter with chapter 2 since that was the only one without Vlathis really physically appearing in it and she's kinda the main character of this campaign (seemed that way to me really). But 3, 4 & 5 were good and definitely picked up the pace with the story.
- General advice for all of your campaign: Add more details into the environment! A lot of bare rooms which, if you just added a bit of detail to them, it would really make this campaign come to life.
Anyhoo, thanks for sharing your campaign! I might play it again later when you've worked on it a bit more. If I were to give your campaign a final mark, I'd give it 7.5/10, with the main things stopping it from being truly great are the environments. Work on those and I'm sure you'd have a truly excellent campaign
I'm glad you enjoyed it. I will work on adding everything you suggested tomorrow. I will try to add some significant story improvements for chapter 2, Vlathis would be hard to put in without major storyline changes elsewhere but I'm sure I will think of something. I already have some idea for the environments such as the granite in chapter three as well.
Thanks again for playing. If you need reviews on anything else, let me know.
The Shadowfell Disciples - 3/5
*Good, mysterious way to jump into the action.
*The inn feels very sparse. It's a big room; fill it with stuff. More chairs, tables, a hearth... Make it look like there's a reason for the space to be so large.
*No music in the inn or Goblin Path.
*The burning objects in the Goblin Path feel rather arbitrarily placed; most of them aren't on fire and don't have anything around them to suggest that there was a fire, so they just look like they're glowing red for no obvious reason.
*When you hit the invisible wall in the Goblin Caves, where you see the leader watching a captive, the dialogue is a bit awkward grammatically. It's also not immediately clear that the goblin is talking to you.
*After leaving the aforementioned chamber following the shadow magic, the message says "That sounded loud" but the only audio is a faint gonging. Perhaps switch to a different sound effect?
*Where it says (Give her your name as well), it would probably flow better to actually state your name instead. I know there's an argument that inserts the PC's name, but I don't recall what it is off the top of my head and can't look it up while playing. But there's a thing you can click in the dialogue editor to insert it.
*If you haven't used up the NPC budget in the Goblin Caves, perhaps spawn another version of Vlathis to run out of the chamber instead of having her just vanish when the dialogue ends.
*The long dialogue when you return to the inn is a little awkward to all be keyed off a single invisible wall Interact. Consider splitting it into a couple quest steps to talk to the NPCs directly.
The Demonweb Game - 3/5
*Brizax's House is also very empty. Needs a lot more stuff to make it look lived-in. Bookshelves, maybe an easy chair by the fire, random magical stuff lying around, etc.
*"Where can we find him." should end in a question mark.
*Brizax's dialogue following the above is a very long run-on sentence.
*When Brizax opens the portal, a bunch of guards appear and start attacking the wall before randomly vanishing.
*No music on The Demonweb (shouldn't it technically be The Demonweb Pits?)
*Lolth's dialogue also contains a big run-on sentence.
*It feels very odd that Lolth would be immediately willing to help you when the planeshift doesn't seem like it would cause her any problems. Especially without trying to get anything from you in return for her aid.
*The Demonweb also feels a bit empty. Perhaps add some drow-themed objects to it?
*Typo: "do not let the intruers past this platform!" This statement also feels odd, since you don't encounter any enemies until you've already left the platform. Perhaps add a surprise attack by drow here.
*"Pawn of Lolth" makes it sound like the priestess doesn't know she's being used by her own goddess. Servant or Minion seem like more accurate titles.
Check out my Foundry questline, The Brightstone Explorers' Guild, now archived on Youtube!
Thanks for playing.
The name is only usable by NPCs, players can not say their own name. I tried it.
My sounds doesn't work so I don't know what is actually loud and what isn't.
What exactly did you dislike about the invisible wall trick? I want to have them talk to each other a little as well as the player.
Lolth isn't trying to help you, she is just playing around with you because she doesn't think you are worth the effort to kill personally. She also doesn't think you will actually stop the planeshift, I will try to make this more clear.
*Same note about Bizax's house as above, only now he doesn't have a bed either.
*When Bizax goes to open the portal, a drow assassin suddenly appears in his house followed by a pack of Neverwinter Guards. The guards promptly disappear when it dies and Bizax doesn't even seem to notice.
*Grammatical error: "The Shadowfell Fortress is contains nothing..."
*The Shadowfell Fortress exterior contains nothing that isn't used for combat, but what that seems to translate to is that it contains nothing. I would expect to see things like weapon racks, suits of armor, etc. to fill what is otherwise an empty hallway. The architecture looks awesome, though.
*The Shadowfell Fortress would definitely benefit from some ominous music.
*The lighting in the Shadowfell Fortress exterior feels much too bright for the Shadowfell. It looks like it's in direct sunlight.
*Typo on Apprentice Vlathis: "Then I guess I just have you come with you."
*The Mysterious Attacker mentions being unable to speak of what happened in the Demonweb, but such a plot point never came up earlier, and in fact I just told Vlathis about it not two minutes ago.
*The reward chest is partially embedded in the wall.
Check out my Foundry questline, The Brightstone Explorers' Guild, now archived on Youtube!
Thanks for playing, the timer seems to be acting funny and resulting in the drow and guards.
The Mysterious attacker was just talking about when he attacked you in the Demonweb. Talking about the rest of your mission there, however, is not effected. I will try to make that more clear when I get my next update done which plans to improve the environments.
*See above about the sparseness of Brizax's House.
*The first room in the Temple Of The Planes (incidentally, "Of The" should not be capitalized) is enormous and very, very empty. Waiting to see if there's a reason for this, but filling it with objects would help it to feel like more than just a giant empty box.
*Love the maze. It's very easy to get lost in. I wish, though, that it was a bit more clear about precisely what you need to find in it.
*Should there be some sort of penalty for failing to select the right order of gems at the Planar Vault, such as a monster attack? Right now there's no reason not to simply pick each option until you get the right one, effectively bypassing the puzzle.
*Some of the objects inside the Planar Vault, around Nylrisa, show their doodad names (i.e. "Invisible Wall - Cylinder 10x10x10. Press F to Smash the Crystal."
*After resisting the spell, the first prompt you get is "Press F to interact." Probably should change this to something a little more flavorful.
Check out my Foundry questline, The Brightstone Explorers' Guild, now archived on Youtube!
*There's not really any nice way to put this: the wall of trees surrounding Nourphsan looks terrible. It's blatantly obvious that it's the same tree repeated hundreds of times, without even any rotation or anything to vary it up.
*The lack of ambient audio in Nourphsan is very noticeable.
*The inn is another very large, relatively empty room. There needs to be more filling it.
*I don't know what you mean by "the single rug seems to be turned sideways."
*Music is desperately needed in the inn, especially after you fall into the planescar. Something creepy or dramatic would fit well.
*Vlathis tells you here spell will take you to the Edge of the Planescar. Why, when you arrive, do you have to tell her where you are?
*Typo: "How about we find you and put, and put an end to your mad schemes?"
*A very common typo throughout this whole campaign: "You are" contracts to "You're." "Your" is the possessive word. i.e. "You're probably going to need someone to look over your grammar."
*There was some ambient music at the Edge of the Planescar, but none in the next map. Disappointing.
*It says "Press F to take the portal" at the very end after defeating Zyraen, but there's no portal graphic.
*Overall, though, a solid ending to the campaign.
Check out my Foundry questline, The Brightstone Explorers' Guild, now archived on Youtube!
I agree with the Nourphsan trees. I plan to make a change to that in the next update, it looked a lot worse then I thought it would, but I forgot to change them before publishing.
Thanks for playing through the campaign. I am planning to play your quests, but I have just been kind of busy lately. Expect my review soon though, probably once I get these updates implemented.
- need some details on the maps(first map, inn, tunnel)
- in the cave: before I get the explosives, at the rocks interactable text says: "Press F to take explosive". I think, it would be better first: "You need explosives, to destroy thees rocks" or something similar. Then you get the explosives, the interactable text is: "Press F to take explosives"
- Dialog at the end of Part.1.: '...The figure I to talked to said "Greathear" at some point. He disappreared before..." (disappeared)
A will play your entire campaign, because is very enjoyable!
Sorry, the english is'nt my first language!
Thanks for playing, I am glad you enjoyed it. I hope you enjoy the rest of the campaign as well. The rest isn't quite as polished as the first but I just finished some updates so there shouldn't be any major issues.
Edit: A few things on your notes.
First map? You mean the vision part? There isn't really supposed to be much there, you aren't exactly seeing a very large area.
I can't really have the interact text on the rocks change when you have explosive. Foundry limitation.
I saw your in game reviews on parts two and three, thanks. As for part three, what maps specifically did you think need more details? The second one (After the initial conversation only one.) is 1500/1500 now so not much more I can do.
Yes, I think the Vision part and some map in later, but it is only my opinion, NOT derogatory criticism!(I use debris, decals, some effects in empty maps) Your campaign is good! But why only some quests is daily?!
"I can't really have the interact text on the rocks change when you have explosive. Foundry limitation."
You can do it:
- place an invisible interactable sphere near the rock -> check "Contact" -> you can write in the "Hint" window the text - like in dialog - ("You need explosives..."etc) This invisible interactable object appeared immeditaly and dissapeared when objective complete(Get explosives)
- First objective: Get explosives
- Next objectives: Destroy the rock(the rock will be interactable only when first objective is complete!)
I will take a look at that for the rock then. As for daily eligibility, parts four and six just don't have enough plays for it. Part five is short a couple minutes, I will look at adding a couple more fights or something to get it to fifteen minutes, I think people are skipping the dialogue or something.
I actually had ambient music throughout every map except the fourth one. Not sure why it wasn't playing in Nourphsan and the inn.
I had a chance to run The Temple Of The Planes tonight. It is a nice continuation of the Campaign. The story was well written and the maze was interesting. No major problems or issues that I came across, good work. Starred and tipped.
I did notice a few little things ...
- the large room you enter into, the Temple? Seemed somewhat barren. The wisps made for an interesting sight and lighting effect, but the room was just too large to have that little in it. I actually noticed this trend through out the entire quest, just the minimum of detailing.
- in a number of the rooms and hallways, I saw torches on the walls, but they were not lit. Although there was light glows in all the rooms and halls, seemed a bit odd.
- in the maze, the objective says to acquire the "crests" of reality, fire and ice. But, when I find the altars, there is nothing on them and I don't receive a "crest" when I click on them? Maybe add a item, named Crest to loot and something on the altar that looks like it could be a Crest, or just reword it all to do something to the Altars themselves.
- in the vault area, there is a opening in the wall to one side and you can see 10 npc/mobs just standing there in pairs. They don't appear to do anything during the quest, are they there for a reason? They all had the default guard outfits on.
- the Titan you fight, is larger than the room, his head sticks through the roof the whole fight.
When you get a chance, please run my newest quest: Clan Ravenclaw
[1] Devils in the Sewer
[2] The Summoning
[3] Temple of the Winds
Clan Ravenclaw
Children's Babble
Solstice Academy
Thanks for playing.
The torches shouldn't be there at all. I'm not sure why they are intruding on my foundry quest.
The crests don't drop? They used to. I wonder if making them an objective broke something in which case, there probably isn't much I can do other then revert them into being non objective (but still mandatory).
Gah! It looks like I accidently put the rooms to close together and left them there. That is what I do to kill the three servitors that spawn with Anihilator XII. (Base encounter is a bone golem) You may have noticed a brief fight there when Anihilator XII activated. You shouldn't actually be seeing my kill room though.
The problem is that the items are all different in this case. I can probable make it three objectives to get around that though.
The Summon Chapter 1 -- NW-DAN23WIAM
I will go through your quest when I get back home in a couple of hours. Hope that's okay!
Overall, I think it was a great balance of story and quest. As for grammatical errors, I haven't noticed any new ones that hasn't been mentioned or fixed yet.
A couple of things that could definitely improve this is the addition of more environmental details and music. For example, the inn looked a bit empty. It could definitely use some furniture and perhaps a bit chatter in the background.
The first map could use more debris as some areas looked too bare compared to others.
As a melee character, I found the passages with the conjurer mage a little bit too narrow to move around. Got stuck a few times in the crowd. Maybe put in a few side rooms for the mages and leave the hallway for simpler monsters like the prisoners.
Just a suggestion for improvement: Maybe add in a couple of traps here and there.
Thanks for playing. You also got me an authoring achievement so thanks for that as well.
Playing through your quest now.
1.) You may want to name the first map "Inn" or something rather then just "Start".
2.) The enemies on the second map could use some customization as well an actual name.
3.) Some more information on how we got here would be nice. I assume it is a dream but the name doesn't help much.
4.) Some enemies seem to have had their costumes and names switched, probably due to duplicating or copy/pasting.
5.) Graethear is learning to hate lag at level 13. I hope I can still finish this.
6.) The two stacked ogres might be a bit tough for some people.
7.) Why are the driders labeled as battle wight commanders?
8.) After defeating the drider wights, there is a reach point objective that requires me to run away from the area and then back. Why not just have the map transition after the drider wights?
9.) Speaking of that map transition, it says "Go to next map".
10.) The next map is named First (Duplicate) this could definitely use a rename.
11.) Again, the reach point objective here seems pointless as well.
12.) Going back to the inn, it is named "start (Duplicate)".
Overall, the story is starting off good. Some enemy customization and map renames would be my main suggestion. A reduction in the amount of fighting might also be nice, or at least break it up with some more dialogue.
Thank you for the review and feedback, fixing the quest up now based on that. Didn't notice the map/monster names in the Foundry, could've sworn I changed them... Guess it didn't go through or I didn't hit publish afterwards xD
Going to continue a bit more of your campaign tonight hopefully. Thanks again for the feedback!