Along time ago, in pen and paper land, we were all sitting around the table, dice and DM shield scattered about the islands of too much junk food. Three boys and a girl all quietly leveling up. The girl was unusually quiet; she was the cleric. Then, after a long pause, with a grin she stood up and happily proclaimed:
A corpse is a corpse of course of course
and no one can talk to a corpse of course
But I can talk to a corpse of course
Cos I've got "speak with dead"
we fell off our chairs and she sat down looking smug
0
Options
deviantyodaMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
Why did the Wizard's wife divorce him? Because he was too CONTROLLING!!!
An elven bard walks into a tavern and asks the crowd, "Who's dragon is that outside?"
An older gentleman, dressed in archmage robes stands up, and replies "Mine. Why?"
The bard somberly approaches the mage. "I regret to inform you that the halfling in our party has killed your dragon"
"What!" erupts the archmage. "Your halfling killed Rithvaeraradace. Slayer of the Elminster, Destroyer of Cormyr, Raider of Waterdeep, Ruler of the Dales, Thorn to the Gods, and Bane of all Toril! How did this happen!?"
The bard sheepishly looks at the archmage and replies "Well...the little guy got stuck in its throat!"
Kie - Renegade Drow - Wizard | Orion - Half Elf - Cleric | Kia - Tiefling - Rogue
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
When I started out I played as an honorable wizard.
Then I learned the ability "repel".
Then I found out that things die if they fall into deep holes.
I now play as a wizard.
A Human, Elf, Dwarf, and Half-Orc walk into a bar the Human goes up to the bar tender and asks for four ales but the bar tender says "There is only 3 and a Half of you!"
A Orc walks into a bar with a Hawk on his shoulder, the bartender asks "Hey, where did u get that?" The Hawk says:"Blacklake District , they got hem all over the place!"
FYI guys, the competition ended at reply #1626. Time out
Could we have a list of people who won, etc?
0
Options
nukiuchiMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 2Arc User
edited May 2013
A Great Weapon Fighter, a Control Wizard and a Trickster Rogue got into an argument about who had beaten the most imps during the last demon raid in Helm's Hold. The great weapon fighter, being a hot-blooded dwarf, was first to brag about his kill count:
"I was like a tornado on the field, felling more than five imps each swing, and even some demons on top of that!"
Gold elf wizard replied to that in a contemptuous tone:
"You must have been dreaming. I was the one who summoned the tornado, and my lightning bolts were the ones that took those demons down."
"Oh yeah? Then how would you explain all the new notches in my grand sword, if not from slaying the demons? You probably cast a spell too much and lost your mind!" The great weapon fighter replies, intimidated.
The control wizard is about to answer to dwarf's insult, but she realizes the rogue hadn't been focusing on the argument at all.
"I am sure though that our friend here wasn't even able to get close to the imps with my storm raging on the battlefield." She says in a slightly higher tone, to catch the rogue's attention.
The halfling rogue, noticing the thorn in the wizard's words, thinks for a while before answering, speaking fast, almost like remembering something that had slipped from his mind.
"Oh THAT scuffle! Yeah, it was a nice little warm-up. I have to say though, you should watch a bit where you swing your huge watchamacallits and throw your things at, I had a hard time staying alive there, and not really thanks to the imps. Not only did I have to do everything myself, I had to keep blocking your swings while slaying the imps with my other dagger, dwarf, sorry about the notches in your sword by the way, and since our beautiful partner's aim is not as beautiful as she is, I had to throw even my backup knives at the demons to keep them off you while she was busy blocking our allies' vision with her spells! The archdemon leading the troops was a bit of a challenge though, could have used your help with him."
Control wizard and great weapon fighter, trying to put together what the halfling had just said, finally managed to utter just a short question after reaching the end of the halfling's speech:
"The... Archdemon?"
"Yeah the archdemon. Surely you saw me moving past you to get the archdemon quickly to avoid further trouble? I even tried to rally you with me, but you were too busy trying to hit me and the surroundings."
The two acquaintances of the halfling rogue only manage to shake their heads slightly.
"You sure? I'm sure the fight was seen all over the battlefield, and what a magnificent battle it was! I knew I would be a goner if it would land even one hit, so I had to apply my world-renowned skills of hit and run tactics in full in the fight just to get away from it, but luckily the archdemon stepped on some banana peels and slipped and I got to land a hit or two here and there. Oh it was truly a magnificent fight, I wish you guys had seen it! At one point..."
The Dwarf sees the Tiefling and asks him:
How much does your wife charge for one night?
The tiefling surprised about the question asks him why he is making that question and the Dwarf answers:
Oh com'on everybody can see your horns from half a mile!
0
Options
faype0riaMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 0Arc User
Comments
A corpse is a corpse of course of course
and no one can talk to a corpse of course
But I can talk to a corpse of course
Cos I've got "speak with dead"
we fell off our chairs and she sat down looking smug
Hey baby, if you were a book you'd be the Players Handbook - lotta rules in the front, lotta magic in the back.
An older gentleman, dressed in archmage robes stands up, and replies "Mine. Why?"
The bard somberly approaches the mage. "I regret to inform you that the halfling in our party has killed your dragon"
"What!" erupts the archmage. "Your halfling killed Rithvaeraradace. Slayer of the Elminster, Destroyer of Cormyr, Raider of Waterdeep, Ruler of the Dales, Thorn to the Gods, and Bane of all Toril! How did this happen!?"
The bard sheepishly looks at the archmage and replies "Well...the little guy got stuck in its throat!"
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Then I learned the ability "repel".
Then I found out that things die if they fall into deep holes.
I now play as a wizard.
A. None. Clerics of Neverwinter aint afraid of the dark.
Could we have a list of people who won, etc?
"I was like a tornado on the field, felling more than five imps each swing, and even some demons on top of that!"
Gold elf wizard replied to that in a contemptuous tone:
"You must have been dreaming. I was the one who summoned the tornado, and my lightning bolts were the ones that took those demons down."
"Oh yeah? Then how would you explain all the new notches in my grand sword, if not from slaying the demons? You probably cast a spell too much and lost your mind!" The great weapon fighter replies, intimidated.
The control wizard is about to answer to dwarf's insult, but she realizes the rogue hadn't been focusing on the argument at all.
"I am sure though that our friend here wasn't even able to get close to the imps with my storm raging on the battlefield." She says in a slightly higher tone, to catch the rogue's attention.
The halfling rogue, noticing the thorn in the wizard's words, thinks for a while before answering, speaking fast, almost like remembering something that had slipped from his mind.
"Oh THAT scuffle! Yeah, it was a nice little warm-up. I have to say though, you should watch a bit where you swing your huge watchamacallits and throw your things at, I had a hard time staying alive there, and not really thanks to the imps. Not only did I have to do everything myself, I had to keep blocking your swings while slaying the imps with my other dagger, dwarf, sorry about the notches in your sword by the way, and since our beautiful partner's aim is not as beautiful as she is, I had to throw even my backup knives at the demons to keep them off you while she was busy blocking our allies' vision with her spells! The archdemon leading the troops was a bit of a challenge though, could have used your help with him."
Control wizard and great weapon fighter, trying to put together what the halfling had just said, finally managed to utter just a short question after reaching the end of the halfling's speech:
"The... Archdemon?"
"Yeah the archdemon. Surely you saw me moving past you to get the archdemon quickly to avoid further trouble? I even tried to rally you with me, but you were too busy trying to hit me and the surroundings."
The two acquaintances of the halfling rogue only manage to shake their heads slightly.
"You sure? I'm sure the fight was seen all over the battlefield, and what a magnificent battle it was! I knew I would be a goner if it would land even one hit, so I had to apply my world-renowned skills of hit and run tactics in full in the fight just to get away from it, but luckily the archdemon stepped on some banana peels and slipped and I got to land a hit or two here and there. Oh it was truly a magnificent fight, I wish you guys had seen it! At one point..."
How much does your wife charge for one night?
The tiefling surprised about the question asks him why he is making that question and the Dwarf answers:
Oh com'on everybody can see your horns from half a mile!