A Dwarf, an Elf and a Ogre were trapped in a Dungeon.
The Dwarf was trying to get away from the Ogre who had just farted when he stumbled on a Magic Lantern. ""With a Puff of smoke"" All of a sudden a Great Warlock Appeared.
The Warlock said with a loud voice.. "Thank you for breaking the HEX which was trapping me in the lantern. For this i give you 3 Wishes. One each for what ever you desire.!!"
As soon as the Dwarf started to think about it, all he could think of was his Big chest of gold he had gathered during his daily grind.
Without much hesitation he said.. " Please send me back home so I can buy a few kegs of beer at the PUB.
With a wave of the Warlocks staff his wish was granted.
The Elf with a little smirk on his face thought of his beautiful wife and what she had promised in return for his hard days work gathering Ore.
Also without much hesitation the Elf said.. " Please send me back home so I can be with my wife".
With a wave of the Warlocks staff his wish was granted.
Lastly It was the Ogre's turn..
He thought long and hard about many things with which would bring him happiness.
With a puzzled look on his face he says. ." Um.. me thinks it would be better if I had my mates back to help me decide!!
With a whoosh they were back again....
<font color="orange">HAMSTER</font>..
burp..
A little Neverwinter twist on an old joke hope you enjoy it
Neverwinter:
What did the cleric say to another?
"Always remember, the golden rule is to never, EVER cross the beams."
D&D:
Two dwarfs were talking to each other in the bar about the recent battles they'd fought.
Well the younger one to the older then at a point replied, "Of course I've slain a manticore.", to which the older replied, "Oh, what'd it look like?".
"Well it was really a mix of a lion and a ball of spikes with wings.", said the youngster.
"Are you sure you didn't slay chimera instead? Sounds more like one.", replied the older dwarf in a very disbelieving manner.
To this the younger didn't reply, instead lifting the tail on table and grumbling, "Aye, I'm sure, for when I used this as a backscratcher it left me stingin' something fierce it did!"
"And this is why I ne'er let you drink the strong stuff..", sighed the older dwarf, lowering his head to his hands.
Later that day, the cleric had a lesson to keep.
For the sake of Moradin's beard and Clangeddin's axe, never let youngsters near the mead.
Got to be at the very least one hundred years old!
The newly promoted Captain Knox is sent to Luskan in an effort to establish a diplomatic and strategic alliance between the City of Sails and Neverwinter. Stopped at guard outpost a day from the city's walls, the Neverwinter veteran is rudely questioned by an Officer of the Luskan guard about his visit.
"Place of origin?" asks the Luskan guard Commander belligerently.
"Neverwinter," Knox replies.
"Occupation?" the Luskanite enquires.
"No, I'll just be here for a few days," responds Knox with a wry grin.
A dwarf says to another, "it's too warm here, I like it cold".
The other replies, "what you doing here then? It's Never Winter".
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kuroberusMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 6Arc User
edited May 2013
Two Dwarves passed by a human on a road while traveling.
The first gives a little yawn and then the second one tried to supress a sneeze and failed. He then apologizes to the human.
"Sorry, I'm Sneezy."
The human looks at the other dwarf and says:
"Then you must be Sleepy."
gridburnMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 7Arc User
edited May 2013
A lady is giving a party for her granddaughter and has gone all out - caterer, band and a hired Jester. Just before the party starts, Old Jerry shows up with a friend looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some wood out back. Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house. Guests arrive, and all is going well, with the children having a wonderful time. But, the jester has not shown up and finally the lady gives up on him showing at all. She is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries to entertain the children herself. She happens to look out the window and sees one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips and leaps high in the air. She speaks to the other bum and says,' What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him 50 gold pieces' the other bum says,' Well, I dunno. Let me ask him.' He then turns to Old Jerry and yells,' Hey Jerry! For 50 gold, would you chop off another toe?'
Joke: What did the dwarf say when he walked into the bar?
Answer: Ouch!
2/
Human warrior walks and sits down at the bar, and he yells over to the bar tender, eh you dirty Orc, a pint for myself and make it fast.
the orc replies, yes sir, but i don't appreciate the name calling, how would you like it if our places where switched and i insulted you.
the Human warrior replies, alright, lets switch and see what happens, so the two switch places.
The Orc immediately yells out, Puny weak fleshy human give the mighty Orc a drink of your finest and make it fast. The human replies, sorry we don't serv Orcs here.
Zword: Karzov, did you know you are the ONLY BOSS in Neverwinter who has a little bit of brains ?
Karzov: Yeah, I guess you can say that. I knew it all along.
Zword: How long did you know that, Karzov ?
Karzov: Since forever, Duh ! :rolleyes:
Zword: Ok, so then you should be cool when I say that the rest of us who kill you continuously have a LOT of brains ?
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viirilitasMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 3Arc User
edited May 2013
The bartender of a human's only bar notices a halfling enter and whispers to his customer, "Halflings are such idiots, watch this."
He puts a gold piece in one hand and a silver piece in the other hand and asks the Halfling which one he wants. The Halfling takes the silver piece and leaves. The bartender turns to the customer and says, "What did I tell you? They always take the silver piece!"
A little later in the day, the customer catches the Halfling coming out of a different bar and asks, "Why didn't you take the gold piece?"
The Halfling responds, "As soon as one of us takes the gold piece, he'll stop handing out free silver."
The Party is in the tavern driking tons of beer, then the Cleric says:
Cleric - hey guys it is time to do our quests.
Guardian Fighter - Yeaaahhh! time for a dungeon!
Wizard - Ok, who has to pay for the beer?
GWF - Now is up to the Trickster
Trickster - ..."Stealths"...
Wizard - I hate him so much.
GWF - :mad:
Cleric -
Trickster - See ya :cool:
The Party is in the tavern driking tons of beer, then the Cleric says:
Cleric - hey guys it is time to do our quests.
Guardian Fighter - Yeaaahhh! time for a dungeon!
Wizard - Ok, who has to pay for the beer?
GWF - Now is up to the Trickster
Trickster - ..."Stealths"...
Trickster - See ya
Wizard - I hate when he do that.
GWF -
Procedure: You place a small, black thumbtack near him (ideally on his shoulder) point and call: “Watch out – a horsefly!!!”
Depending on his reaction you can judge his intelligence:
a) He notices immediately, that you are pulling his leg > very intelligent (11-12) - for barbarians genius!
b) He first slaps the thumbtack and notices then, that you were pulling his leg > average intelligence (8-10) – for barbarians above average!
c) He slaps the thumbtack and then thinks it wasn’t a horsefly but a bee, because it did sting him > low intelligence (5-7) – for barbarians average!
d) He just slaps the thumbtack, smashing it > semi intelligent (2-4) – for barbarians below average!
e) He smashes the thumbtack and then eats it with obvious delight > animal intelligence (1) – even for barbarians pretty stupid!
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bnotoriousMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 27Arc User
edited May 2013
A Half-Orc walks into a bar with a Jagged Dancing Blade.
The Bartender asks "What are you doing in here with that ugly old thing?"
The Half-Orc replies "What are you talking about that thing was expensive and I polished and sharpened it this morning?"
The Bartender then says "I wasn't talking to you I was talking to the knife!"
Comments
In arenas, he’s been known to take on 5 by himself because the rest of his team could not get in;
When he’s around, people have a conscious and report themselves;
He is…the most interesting rogue in the world
"I don't usually read zone chat, but when I do, they want 'those-E-keys'. Read quickly my friends."
The Dwarf was trying to get away from the Ogre who had just farted when he stumbled on a Magic Lantern. ""With a Puff of smoke"" All of a sudden a Great Warlock Appeared.
The Warlock said with a loud voice.. "Thank you for breaking the HEX which was trapping me in the lantern. For this i give you 3 Wishes. One each for what ever you desire.!!"
As soon as the Dwarf started to think about it, all he could think of was his Big chest of gold he had gathered during his daily grind.
Without much hesitation he said.. " Please send me back home so I can buy a few kegs of beer at the PUB.
With a wave of the Warlocks staff his wish was granted.
The Elf with a little smirk on his face thought of his beautiful wife and what she had promised in return for his hard days work gathering Ore.
Also without much hesitation the Elf said.. " Please send me back home so I can be with my wife".
With a wave of the Warlocks staff his wish was granted.
Lastly It was the Ogre's turn..
He thought long and hard about many things with which would bring him happiness.
With a puzzled look on his face he says. ." Um.. me thinks it would be better if I had my mates back to help me decide!!
With a whoosh they were back again....
<font color="orange">HAMSTER</font>..
burp..
A little Neverwinter twist on an old joke hope you enjoy it
What did the cleric say to another?
"Always remember, the golden rule is to never, EVER cross the beams."
D&D:
Two dwarfs were talking to each other in the bar about the recent battles they'd fought.
Well the younger one to the older then at a point replied, "Of course I've slain a manticore.", to which the older replied, "Oh, what'd it look like?".
"Well it was really a mix of a lion and a ball of spikes with wings.", said the youngster.
"Are you sure you didn't slay chimera instead? Sounds more like one.", replied the older dwarf in a very disbelieving manner.
To this the younger didn't reply, instead lifting the tail on table and grumbling, "Aye, I'm sure, for when I used this as a backscratcher it left me stingin' something fierce it did!"
"And this is why I ne'er let you drink the strong stuff..", sighed the older dwarf, lowering his head to his hands.
Later that day, the cleric had a lesson to keep.
For the sake of Moradin's beard and Clangeddin's axe, never let youngsters near the mead.
Got to be at the very least one hundred years old!
"Place of origin?" asks the Luskan guard Commander belligerently.
"Neverwinter," Knox replies.
"Occupation?" the Luskanite enquires.
"No, I'll just be here for a few days," responds Knox with a wry grin.
devs rollback 7hours and the cw loses all t2 items
acquires cat cape for losses .... gg
One says, "it's hot in here".
The other says, "shut your mouth".
You're less likely to die at a riot.
The other replies, "what you doing here then? It's Never Winter".
The first gives a little yawn and then the second one tried to supress a sneeze and failed. He then apologizes to the human.
"Sorry, I'm Sneezy."
The human looks at the other dwarf and says:
"Then you must be Sleepy."
Ah don't worry about it, its just a Triefling matter !!
Everyone else takes full damage...
*oldie but a goodie*
Now for some cheap one-offs in a series:
Ahem,
Why shouldn't you hire a Halfling Chef?
The steaks are too high!
Why not hire a Halfling flag bearer?
Their standards are too low!
Finally, why do you never lend a Halfling money?
When it comes time for payback, they always come up short!
I'll be here all week...
They continue to make games...
Joke: What did the dwarf say when he walked into the bar?
Answer: Ouch!
2/
Human warrior walks and sits down at the bar, and he yells over to the bar tender, eh you dirty Orc, a pint for myself and make it fast.
the orc replies, yes sir, but i don't appreciate the name calling, how would you like it if our places where switched and i insulted you.
the Human warrior replies, alright, lets switch and see what happens, so the two switch places.
The Orc immediately yells out, Puny weak fleshy human give the mighty Orc a drink of your finest and make it fast. The human replies, sorry we don't serv Orcs here.
Karzov: Yeah, I guess you can say that. I knew it all along.
Zword: How long did you know that, Karzov ?
Karzov: Since forever, Duh ! :rolleyes:
Zword: Ok, so then you should be cool when I say that the rest of us who kill you continuously have a LOT of brains ?
He puts a gold piece in one hand and a silver piece in the other hand and asks the Halfling which one he wants. The Halfling takes the silver piece and leaves. The bartender turns to the customer and says, "What did I tell you? They always take the silver piece!"
A little later in the day, the customer catches the Halfling coming out of a different bar and asks, "Why didn't you take the gold piece?"
The Halfling responds, "As soon as one of us takes the gold piece, he'll stop handing out free silver."
Cleric - hey guys it is time to do our quests.
Guardian Fighter - Yeaaahhh! time for a dungeon!
Wizard - Ok, who has to pay for the beer?
GWF - Now is up to the Trickster
Trickster - ..."Stealths"...
Wizard - I hate him so much.
GWF - :mad:
Cleric -
Trickster - See ya :cool:
Cleric - hey guys it is time to do our quests.
Guardian Fighter - Yeaaahhh! time for a dungeon!
Wizard - Ok, who has to pay for the beer?
GWF - Now is up to the Trickster
Trickster - ..."Stealths"...
Trickster - See ya
Wizard - I hate when he do that.
GWF -
Wife aggro for neglecting her
(because neverwinter is so fun and addictive)
He didn't think that he looked sharp enough!
Procedure: You place a small, black thumbtack near him (ideally on his shoulder) point and call: “Watch out – a horsefly!!!”
Depending on his reaction you can judge his intelligence:
a) He notices immediately, that you are pulling his leg > very intelligent (11-12) - for barbarians genius!
b) He first slaps the thumbtack and notices then, that you were pulling his leg > average intelligence (8-10) – for barbarians above average!
c) He slaps the thumbtack and then thinks it wasn’t a horsefly but a bee, because it did sting him > low intelligence (5-7) – for barbarians average!
d) He just slaps the thumbtack, smashing it > semi intelligent (2-4) – for barbarians below average!
e) He smashes the thumbtack and then eats it with obvious delight > animal intelligence (1) – even for barbarians pretty stupid!
The Bartender asks "What are you doing in here with that ugly old thing?"
The Half-Orc replies "What are you talking about that thing was expensive and I polished and sharpened it this morning?"
The Bartender then says "I wasn't talking to you I was talking to the knife!"