What did the kobold say when he saw a banana peel on the ground?
"Aww heck, now I'm going to fall down again!"
-
Two dwarves picked up a copper piece at the same time and invented copper wire.
-
A half-orc walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says "Wow, that's kinda cool. Where'd you get him?"
The parrot replies "In some cave outside of town."
-
An elf, a human and a dwarf are all enjoying drinks in a tavern when they each notice a fly in their glass.
The elf places his napkin over the glass and pushes it off to the side.
The human removes the fly and keeps drinking.
The dwarf pulls out the fly and starts yelling, "Spit it out, ya *******! Spit it out!"
-
A dwarf stands guard on a bridge and everyday a small halfling runs over , turns left and leaps off the bridge to great pain and injury. After a week of this the Dwarf stops the halfling the next time he runs up. "Whut da hell are ye doin, ya durn fool?" The halfling looks up at the Dwarf with a swollen eye and rubs his sprained wrist. "A cleric of Tymora sold me this ring of levitation, and by gods I'm going to make it work!"
-
A minotaur, three priestesses of Sune, a drow slave, a halfling in a chicken suit, and a dozen ducks walk into a bar. The bartender looks up at them and asks "What is this, a joke?"
-
An elven fighter walks into a tavern and asks the crowd, "Who's dragon is that outside?"
An older gentleman, dressed in archmage robes stands up, and replies "Mine. Why?"
The fighter somberly approaches the mage. "I regret to inform you that the halfling in our party has killed your dragon"
"What!" erupts the archmage. "Your halfling killed Rithvaeraradace. Slayer of the Elminster, Destroyer of Cormyr, Raider of Waterdeep, Ruler of the Dales, Thorn to the Gods, and Bane of all Toril! How did this happen!?"
The fighter sheepishly looks at the archmage and replies "Well...the little guy got stuck in its throat!"
-
Why do dwarves have such big nostrils?
Look at the size of their fingers.
-
What sound does a dwarven god make falling down the stairs?
CLANGEDDIN clangeddin! CLANGEDDIN clangeddin! CLANGEDDIN clangeddin! CLANGEDDIN clangeddin!
-
A dwarf and an elf step into the Moonstone Mask and sit at the table. The waitress asks if she could take their order.
The Dwarf says. "I'll take a 24oz steak. Rare. With a bottle of Dragonfire."
The Waitress responds, "And what about the vegetable?"
The Dwarf looks at the elf and growls, "He'll take the steak too, and HE'LL LIKE IT!"
Following the directions to the treasure on a coast, that was hidden inside a cave carved to resemble an iconic monster... the pirate captain asked his first mate if they were going the right way, to which the first mate responded, "Aye captain, they said that the booty's in the eye of the beholder!"
When asking how bright the master of the city was, the urchin replied, "His name is Lord NEVER-EMBER"
A Priest of Ilmater and a Priestess of Loviatar are in a room, the Priest of Ilmater says, "Hit me!" and the Priestess of Loviatar thinks for a moment and simply responds, "No."
A large group of zombies descended on a carnival, as two of them were tearing apart one of the clowns, one looked at the other and asked, "Does this taste funny to you?"
0
arutekMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 2Arc User
edited May 2013
Elfs tourists went for a walk in the Neverwinter Woods. Bad luck would have it, they met a bear. Scream, panic, throw themselves to escape. Bear ran after them.
Nearby, in a clearing feasting group of Dwarfs. Blanket, appetizer, cool beer in the stream. "Full culture", not hinder anyone.
Suddenly to the clearing falls whole running pack, and runs through the middle of a picnic. Blanket trodden, beer poured - so it can not be! So the Dwarwes chase intruders and beat them all badly.
After the fight, during back to picnic one of the dwarwes notes in passing:
- This one in a fur coat fought quite good ...
A humorless bard from Ipswich
Once tried amateur night at The Lich.
But his six-second set
Hasn't finished quite yet.
Free actions can be such a troublesome thing.
0
krshinthintlMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
The greatest secrects of Arcane Knowledge a Newerwinter scholar can posess:
4. Is that true that to make +7 magical items instead of Dragon Egg one has to use Dragonball Z?
3. How to walk with Dragon Egg in your pants?
2. How to take a seat with Dragon Egg in your pants?
1. What to do in case this Dragon Egg in your pants starts to hatch when you are in a public place?
0. How to take a seat next day after the Dragon Egg in your pants hatched?
===================================================================
For those who are new to NWN: check requirements for high level Professions tasks.
Did you hear about the Dwarf Psion who broke out of Jail?
Bards across the land proclaimed: "Small Medium at Large"
0
sophismMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
Here's a good one:
Player walks into the zen store, buys a respec for their Cleric, proceeds to be affected by a bug that takes out one of their class-defining abilities off their bar, with no way of slotting it back on. Player then contacts support, gets evasive reply claiming support couldn't understand their issue. Player literally draws a picture and explains it further, this time getting a reply that shows all of the support agents have no idea how their game operates. Player can't access the support website tickets as it gets thrown into a redirection loop, then later on can't access the in-game tickets either.
Player's been waiting for a fix for more than two weeks now, and somehow still has hopes of getting the issue resolved, despite having never seen customer support as atrocious as this in more than a dozen years of MMO gaming.
There once was a Bard from Shrew;
Who had had a bit more than two.
His party was a mess, their Cleric
[named Gerrick]
Had begun to shrill a tune; "Oh, the Bard sings to us - he does -
Whilst we whittle at a demon, cause
We of the crew,
have little to do,
Without our music to kill to."
And was sounding a bit a loon.
The Fighter, known 'blighter,
Was downing not two but three;
With his head thrown back, he bellowed "Free!
Twas Halbrick, the Fighter!"
Not knowing what to do - twas hard,
The Wizard accrued a tab most horrible -
And blamed it a fortnight later on the Bard.
Who swore by his being adorable;
That he did not buy any more than twelve -
That night in the Drunken Delve.
The Bard, quite filled, decided twas time -
And lifted his lyre, wiped it of grime,
And fitted a tune for all to hear:
"Oh, the Cleric named Gerrick,
Is quite the fool. He stood not forwards, towards the Demon,
But away from him, Dreamin' -
As we few crew of merryness - The Wizard, The Fighter, and The Humble Bard -
Did battle against the Cleric's waste, which made the room smell quite horrid."
-OI! TIS NOT A SONG THIS IS!- Cried Gerrick the Cleric.
"But no worries, we slayed the beast... Or somewhat something..."
And lo, the Bard fell forwards, to tired and full to speak - the fighter following suit,
Leaving the Cleric alone by the side, to pay the bill in stride,
And with his hands on his talisman - draw the attention of all in the room.
0
hwedragnheartMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
what did santa say to the gaurdian fight? gaurdian fighter with your suit so bright won't you gaurd my sleigh tonight hehe
0
sickhomie1972Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
Whats the difference between a Stone Golem and a pet rock? The pet rock will actually listen
DM: There's a monstruously raging dragon destroying a village just before our eyes! What you do?
Warrior: Throw the rogue from our party right at it!
(Bad luck at the dice...)
Rogue: Hits the wizard from our party! Amazing aim, warrior!
(Bad luck again...)
Wizard: The rogue doesn't interrupts his cast, but make my ultra super mega powefull spell hit our entire party!
(WTF DUDES?!)
Cleric: Dies to the wizard's spell.
One player to another "So, what are you going to do during maintenance" the other player responds "I'm going to do my dailies". The first player ponders for a bit then says "But the servers are down, you know that right?" and the first player says "Yes of course! I'm doing my daily chores at the house"
Genus Draco Fad and the Muster@Jintortle
ID: NW-DD5FLOBTJ Cult of the Dragon Foundry Contest - Please participate and vote for your favourite - 26/6/2014 contest rating begins.
Sir Camps A Lot. Mr SlingShot Boom. XX Phantasmagorical. Jinn Dragonfeast.
SlingShot Boom Jr. Jocan Traders. Little Lord Forgatty, Dwarf Mean and introducing Necro Torquemada (The Warlock)
Comments
"Aww heck, now I'm going to fall down again!"
-
Two dwarves picked up a copper piece at the same time and invented copper wire.
-
A half-orc walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says "Wow, that's kinda cool. Where'd you get him?"
The parrot replies "In some cave outside of town."
-
An elf, a human and a dwarf are all enjoying drinks in a tavern when they each notice a fly in their glass.
The elf places his napkin over the glass and pushes it off to the side.
The human removes the fly and keeps drinking.
The dwarf pulls out the fly and starts yelling, "Spit it out, ya *******! Spit it out!"
-
A dwarf stands guard on a bridge and everyday a small halfling runs over , turns left and leaps off the bridge to great pain and injury. After a week of this the Dwarf stops the halfling the next time he runs up. "Whut da hell are ye doin, ya durn fool?" The halfling looks up at the Dwarf with a swollen eye and rubs his sprained wrist. "A cleric of Tymora sold me this ring of levitation, and by gods I'm going to make it work!"
-
A minotaur, three priestesses of Sune, a drow slave, a halfling in a chicken suit, and a dozen ducks walk into a bar. The bartender looks up at them and asks "What is this, a joke?"
-
An elven fighter walks into a tavern and asks the crowd, "Who's dragon is that outside?"
An older gentleman, dressed in archmage robes stands up, and replies "Mine. Why?"
The fighter somberly approaches the mage. "I regret to inform you that the halfling in our party has killed your dragon"
"What!" erupts the archmage. "Your halfling killed Rithvaeraradace. Slayer of the Elminster, Destroyer of Cormyr, Raider of Waterdeep, Ruler of the Dales, Thorn to the Gods, and Bane of all Toril! How did this happen!?"
The fighter sheepishly looks at the archmage and replies "Well...the little guy got stuck in its throat!"
-
Why do dwarves have such big nostrils?
Look at the size of their fingers.
-
What sound does a dwarven god make falling down the stairs?
CLANGEDDIN clangeddin! CLANGEDDIN clangeddin! CLANGEDDIN clangeddin! CLANGEDDIN clangeddin!
-
A dwarf and an elf step into the Moonstone Mask and sit at the table. The waitress asks if she could take their order.
The Dwarf says. "I'll take a 24oz steak. Rare. With a bottle of Dragonfire."
The Waitress responds, "And what about the vegetable?"
The Dwarf looks at the elf and growls, "He'll take the steak too, and HE'LL LIKE IT!"
When asking how bright the master of the city was, the urchin replied, "His name is Lord NEVER-EMBER"
A Priest of Ilmater and a Priestess of Loviatar are in a room, the Priest of Ilmater says, "Hit me!" and the Priestess of Loviatar thinks for a moment and simply responds, "No."
It's because of all their extra Feats.
--
Bad guy to a Halfling hero: You'd have to grow three feet before you could stoop to my level.
--
What's the easiest way to go down a level in a dungeon?
Hive-five a wight.
What does it matter, we got into the crypt easily enough.
__
How long does it take a Rogue, a Guardian, and a Cleric to clear a dungeon?
Ask again when the cleric reconnects...
__
What worse than a drow raiding party led by a drow priestess?
A first time DM...
__
How can you find someone that just learned the spell "Fireball"?
Easily, look for the person being chased by half charred creatures.
__
Believe what you will about about 4ed D&D... they just don't make doors like they use to.
__
Selling Enchanted Keys for 1 AD...
A kinder saying I'm bored
Nearby, in a clearing feasting group of Dwarfs. Blanket, appetizer, cool beer in the stream. "Full culture", not hinder anyone.
Suddenly to the clearing falls whole running pack, and runs through the middle of a picnic. Blanket trodden, beer poured - so it can not be! So the Dwarwes chase intruders and beat them all badly.
After the fight, during back to picnic one of the dwarwes notes in passing:
- This one in a fur coat fought quite good ...
Once tried amateur night at The Lich.
But his six-second set
Hasn't finished quite yet.
Free actions can be such a troublesome thing.
4. Is that true that to make +7 magical items instead of Dragon Egg one has to use Dragonball Z?
3. How to walk with Dragon Egg in your pants?
2. How to take a seat with Dragon Egg in your pants?
1. What to do in case this Dragon Egg in your pants starts to hatch when you are in a public place?
0. How to take a seat next day after the Dragon Egg in your pants hatched?
===================================================================
For those who are new to NWN: check requirements for high level Professions tasks.
Bards across the land proclaimed:
"Small Medium at Large"
Player walks into the zen store, buys a respec for their Cleric, proceeds to be affected by a bug that takes out one of their class-defining abilities off their bar, with no way of slotting it back on. Player then contacts support, gets evasive reply claiming support couldn't understand their issue. Player literally draws a picture and explains it further, this time getting a reply that shows all of the support agents have no idea how their game operates. Player can't access the support website tickets as it gets thrown into a redirection loop, then later on can't access the in-game tickets either.
Player's been waiting for a fix for more than two weeks now, and somehow still has hopes of getting the issue resolved, despite having never seen customer support as atrocious as this in more than a dozen years of MMO gaming.
Cue laugh track.
http://nw-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?278561-Punishing-Soothing-at-wills-STILL-missing-in-Divine-Mode
Nothing. They are inanimate objects, incapable of rational thought or verbal expression.
First installment of Gavin the "Lucky" series is live
Episodes:
Gavin the "Lucky": Prologue - NW-DEZSTNUT7
Who had had a bit more than two.
His party was a mess, their Cleric
[named Gerrick]
Had begun to shrill a tune;
"Oh, the Bard sings to us - he does -
Whilst we whittle at a demon, cause
We of the crew,
have little to do,
Without our music to kill to."
And was sounding a bit a loon.
The Fighter, known 'blighter,
Was downing not two but three;
With his head thrown back, he bellowed "Free!
Twas Halbrick, the Fighter!"
Not knowing what to do - twas hard,
The Wizard accrued a tab most horrible -
And blamed it a fortnight later on the Bard.
Who swore by his being adorable;
That he did not buy any more than twelve -
That night in the Drunken Delve.
The Bard, quite filled, decided twas time -
And lifted his lyre, wiped it of grime,
And fitted a tune for all to hear:
"Oh, the Cleric named Gerrick,
Is quite the fool. He stood not forwards, towards the Demon,
But away from him, Dreamin' -
As we few crew of merryness - The Wizard, The Fighter, and The Humble Bard -
Did battle against the Cleric's waste, which made the room smell quite horrid."
-OI! TIS NOT A SONG THIS IS!- Cried Gerrick the Cleric.
"But no worries, we slayed the beast... Or somewhat something..."
And lo, the Bard fell forwards, to tired and full to speak - the fighter following suit,
Leaving the Cleric alone by the side, to pay the bill in stride,
And with his hands on his talisman - draw the attention of all in the room.
"You know it's a Neverwinter fantasy game when you can have a horse in your satchel. I wonder if it is stackable? Yeehaaawww!!!"
aelfyano
He had to sit in his own pew.
Warrior: Throw the rogue from our party right at it!
(Bad luck at the dice...)
Rogue: Hits the wizard from our party! Amazing aim, warrior!
(Bad luck again...)
Wizard: The rogue doesn't interrupts his cast, but make my ultra super mega powefull spell hit our entire party!
(WTF DUDES?!)
Cleric: Dies to the wizard's spell.
Because it wasn't stable!
First installment of Gavin the "Lucky" series is live
Episodes:
Gavin the "Lucky": Prologue - NW-DEZSTNUT7
For the orcs the goblins are smart and dangerous rivals
For our party they are around 45 XP
They remind them of fat children.
ID: NW-DD5FLOBTJ Cult of the Dragon Foundry Contest - Please participate and vote for your favourite - 26/6/2014 contest rating begins.
Sir Camps A Lot. Mr SlingShot Boom. XX Phantasmagorical. Jinn Dragonfeast.
SlingShot Boom Jr. Jocan Traders. Little Lord Forgatty, Dwarf Mean and introducing Necro Torquemada (The Warlock)