colzlineMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
Why would you never want to live in Neverwinter?
Because it's always facing a massive invasion from some ancient threat long thought forgotten, not to mention all the undead. First it was the mere of dead men and now it's a undead priestess. YOU CAN'T ESCAPE THE UNDEAD!!
One day, while in Neverwinter, a pirate went to visit the auction house. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird to impress his mates. But after a few moments he would get outbid, so he would bid again. he got caught up in the bidding and kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid. So he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, he bid a huge sum, way more than he intended. But he won with that bid - the parrot was his at last!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"
"Don't worry." said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"
A man found an ancient lamp at the beach... He gently rub it with his shirt and a genie appeared.
The genie said "you can ask me for a wish"
The man said" I wish for longevity"
The genie replied " Hmm it is kinda hard.. ask for another one?"
The man said" OK... how about China Soccer Team winning world cup?"
The genie instantly replied "Let's go back to the first wish"
A rogue is walking through the forest and comes upon a mindflayer, the mindflayer asks "a gold for your thoughts" the rogue agrees and the mindflayer eats the rogues brain.
a female drow comes across some stone statues of heroes and a beholder, she says "I didn't know stoning was legal"
a rogue walks into a tavern and notices a cleric talking to a beautiful maiden, the rogue walks over to the cleric and says " it's a trap"
How do you know the dungeon delve is not going to go well?
HOTPANTS is the great weapon fighter
HEALBOT is the cleric
STICKYOU is the trickster rogue
And the control wizard named OWNZYOU asks, "Is there is an invisibility spell in this game? Because I haven't seen anyone using it...."
Ohhhhhhhh!
A sparkle in my eye it's all I can see
ASHTRAL DIAMONDS!
Gotta get them all for that enchanted key
ASHTRAL DIAMONDS!
If a rare purple mount is something you wish
ASHTRAL DIAMONDS!
Then don't forget the daily double skirmish!
GIMMIE!
ASHTRAL DIAMONDS!
ASHTRAL DIAMONDS!
ASHTRAL DIAMONDS!
ASHTRAAAAL ...DIAMONDS!
Want to win a Neverwinter "Party Time" shirt, a Logitech G400 gaming mouse, or even a Logitech G19 gaming keyboard? It's easy! Tell us your best Neverwinter or Dungeons & Dragons joke and/or pun and you could be a lucky winner!
Ok this really isn't a joke but a daft idea of a power for a Control Wizard that ended up with me and my dad in stitches.
Me: 'Wouldn't it cool if the Control Wizard had a power that could change the clothes of your enemy.'
Dad: 'What would the clothes change into? Clown outfits?'
Me: 'Or pink tutu's and party hats.'
*dad blinks then his eyes widen*
*I grin evilly*
Me: 'Imagine using that spell on a Orc army.'
* My dad laughs*
Dad: 'It could be worse...it could be a ballerina outfit.'
Me: 'Or a ballerina outfit with a tiara and fairy wings.'
*I can my dad's brain explode at the mental image of a Orc army in a ballerina outfit complete with pink tutu's and tiara's and fairy wings and party hats*
Dad: 'I think you win.'
Duco ergo periculosus
(I draw, therefore I am dangerous)
How did they balance the stats for Beholders in Neverwinter?
... they eyeballed it.
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tharengoreMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian Users, Neverwinter Knight of the Feywild UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
Minsc, a barbarian, sits at a bar and orders two shots. Bartender comes back and finds a hamster on the bar. Bartender asks,"Where did that hamster come from?" To which Minsc reply's,"Why do you think i need two drinks."
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kelathMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
How many dwarves does it take to lit a torch?
Och! It's no that dark!
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alleaxMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 2Arc User
edited May 2013
A drunk dwarf staggers into a tavern and pounds on the bar demanding some ale. The bartender tells the dwarf "We don't don't serve drunkards here, begone with ye." The dwarf curses and staggers back out the front door with a bit of a lean to his left. In his drunken state he merely keeps leaning left upon exiting the tavern and enters again via a side door. Again he sits at the bar and loudly demands an ale. The bartender once more responds with "I told you, we don't serve drunkards here! Now get yer scruffy carcass out of me tavern!". The dwarf curses even more and leaves by the side door... again leaning to the left. He manages to finally stagger his way back into the tavern via the back door. He sits at the bar banging his fist "Ale, ****** get me some ale!". The bartender says "Listen, for the last time we Do Not Serve Drunkards Here!"... The dwarf looks at him and exclaims " ****! How many #%$#'g taverns do you work in anyway?!?"
Cadderly was on a pilgrimage from Spirit Soaring to the northern Sword Coast. Feeling full of the divine power of Deneir, he walked down a street in the Protectors' Enclave. He saw a halfling sitting down and weeping by the roadside.
"What is wrong?" asked Cadderly.
"My home has been marauded and my daughter abducted by a Many-Arrows shaman." moaned the halfling.
"Go home and all will be well" Cadderly said.
The halfling went home and found it as homely as ever, and was greeted by his beloved diminutive daughter.
Cadderly walked on and saw a dwarf sitting down and weeping by the roadside.
"What ails you?" he asked.
"The garrison's fired me from me bloody job for brawling, and me house is overrun with bloody kobolds!" the dwarf growled.
"Go home and all will be well." Cadderly said.
The dwarf went home and found a note of reemployment from his sergeant and a delightful lack of pesky draconians.
Cadderly walked on and saw a man sitting down and weeping by the roadside.
"Why do you weep?" he asked.
"I'm from Luskan!" the man said tearfully.
Cadderly sat down and wept.
"Here's the tactics guy"
"Control wizard push adds over edge, trickster rogue on boss, devoted cleric's make sure the rogue doesn't die and guarding fighter, uhm, be sure to be back in 15 min so you don't get kicked"
tommidMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
A Wood Elf, a Human and a Dwarf, all old friends, are sitting at a tavern,
talking about the night they had with their wives...
The Human smirks as he says "****, but I had fun last night. Made love to my wife,
about seven times... When we woke up this
morning, she told me she loved me and was going to make my favorite
meals all day.."
The Wood Elf looks at him, then smirks and responds "Well, I only made love
four times to my wife last night, but each time was like a new extatic
experience.. When we awoke this morning, she said we'd spend the rest
of our days together and would surprise me again tonight.."
The Dwarf looks at them both and snorts, drinking his beer silently.
After an uncomfortable of being stared at by the other two, he finally
says "Fine, fine.. My wife and I had intercourse once last night."
The other two blink, until the Wood Elf smirks and asks "Come on, tell us what
she said to you this morning.."
This time, the Dwarf smirks and says "She said.. Please, Honey, don't
stop now..."
Moral of this story: Dwarves may not be imaginative lovers, but when
you get a +2 to Constitution, you have a lot of staying power..
Why did the Wizard go and watch the dancers at the Moonstone Mask?
To Role-play.
Genus Draco Fad and the Muster@Jintortle
ID: NW-DD5FLOBTJ Cult of the Dragon Foundry Contest - Please participate and vote for your favourite - 26/6/2014 contest rating begins.
Sir Camps A Lot. Mr SlingShot Boom. XX Phantasmagorical. Jinn Dragonfeast.
SlingShot Boom Jr. Jocan Traders. Little Lord Forgatty, Dwarf Mean and introducing Necro Torquemada (The Warlock)
So you will pay us 50 gold each to go to the dragon's lair to retrieve your family treasure? And your gonna give us horses and food for a week? We will do it! (I don't think he knows we are thieves, and Waterdeep is a weeks ride away)
0
darkfaux7Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 3Arc User
edited May 2013
A Control Wizard walks into a bar with his Cat and sits down for a beer. After a few minutes he notices a piano in the corner, he nods to his cat and the cat goes to the piano and starts to play. The bartender is amazed and gives the wizard a free beer. The wizard says"if I can amaze you again would you give me drinks for the rest of the night?" The bartender says" if you can top a cat playing the piano than sure." So the wizard summons his Phoera (summoning 2 pets is possible in this bar) and the bird starts to sing along with the cat on the piano. The bartender is floored and starts pouring the wizard another drink. Just then a GWF comes up to the wizard and says "that is the most amazing thing I have ever seen, I'll give you 5 million ADs for the bird." The wizard thinks for a minute and says "Deal". The GWF leaves with the bird, and the bartender says" you got ripped off, that singing bird is worth double that" The wizard looks over and says" I'm not worried about it, the Cat is a Ventriloquist.
Comments
Out of the way.
Fear of death by acid reflux.
Their sound files have layers.
It's not big and it's not clever.
Because it's always facing a massive invasion from some ancient threat long thought forgotten, not to mention all the undead. First it was the mere of dead men and now it's a undead priestess. YOU CAN'T ESCAPE THE UNDEAD!!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"
"Don't worry." said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"
The genie said "you can ask me for a wish"
The man said" I wish for longevity"
The genie replied " Hmm it is kinda hard.. ask for another one?"
The man said" OK... how about China Soccer Team winning world cup?"
The genie instantly replied "Let's go back to the first wish"
a female drow comes across some stone statues of heroes and a beholder, she says "I didn't know stoning was legal"
a rogue walks into a tavern and notices a cleric talking to a beautiful maiden, the rogue walks over to the cleric and says " it's a trap"
HOTPANTS is the great weapon fighter
HEALBOT is the cleric
STICKYOU is the trickster rogue
And the control wizard named OWNZYOU asks, "Is there is an invisibility spell in this game? Because I haven't seen anyone using it...."
A sparkle in my eye it's all I can see
ASHTRAL DIAMONDS!
Gotta get them all for that enchanted key
ASHTRAL DIAMONDS!
If a rare purple mount is something you wish
ASHTRAL DIAMONDS!
Then don't forget the daily double skirmish!
GIMMIE!
ASHTRAL DIAMONDS!
ASHTRAL DIAMONDS!
ASHTRAL DIAMONDS!
ASHTRAAAAL ...DIAMONDS!
(Sung to the same tune as S.Bob
With the way that this city looks, they should change the name from the City of Neverwinter, to City of Never Winners!
Me: 'Wouldn't it cool if the Control Wizard had a power that could change the clothes of your enemy.'
Dad: 'What would the clothes change into? Clown outfits?'
Me: 'Or pink tutu's and party hats.'
*dad blinks then his eyes widen*
*I grin evilly*
Me: 'Imagine using that spell on a Orc army.'
* My dad laughs*
Dad: 'It could be worse...it could be a ballerina outfit.'
Me: 'Or a ballerina outfit with a tiara and fairy wings.'
*I can my dad's brain explode at the mental image of a Orc army in a ballerina outfit complete with pink tutu's and tiara's and fairy wings and party hats*
Dad: 'I think you win.'
(I draw, therefore I am dangerous)
... they eyeballed it.
Och! It's no that dark!
"What is wrong?" asked Cadderly.
"My home has been marauded and my daughter abducted by a Many-Arrows shaman." moaned the halfling.
"Go home and all will be well" Cadderly said.
The halfling went home and found it as homely as ever, and was greeted by his beloved diminutive daughter.
Cadderly walked on and saw a dwarf sitting down and weeping by the roadside.
"What ails you?" he asked.
"The garrison's fired me from me bloody job for brawling, and me house is overrun with bloody kobolds!" the dwarf growled.
"Go home and all will be well." Cadderly said.
The dwarf went home and found a note of reemployment from his sergeant and a delightful lack of pesky draconians.
Cadderly walked on and saw a man sitting down and weeping by the roadside.
"Why do you weep?" he asked.
"I'm from Luskan!" the man said tearfully.
Cadderly sat down and wept.
~The Joker~
Dragon Server
"Control wizard push adds over edge, trickster rogue on boss, devoted cleric's make sure the rogue doesn't die and guarding fighter, uhm, be sure to be back in 15 min so you don't get kicked"
talking about the night they had with their wives...
The Human smirks as he says "****, but I had fun last night. Made love to my wife,
about seven times... When we woke up this
morning, she told me she loved me and was going to make my favorite
meals all day.."
The Wood Elf looks at him, then smirks and responds "Well, I only made love
four times to my wife last night, but each time was like a new extatic
experience.. When we awoke this morning, she said we'd spend the rest
of our days together and would surprise me again tonight.."
The Dwarf looks at them both and snorts, drinking his beer silently.
After an uncomfortable of being stared at by the other two, he finally
says "Fine, fine.. My wife and I had intercourse once last night."
The other two blink, until the Wood Elf smirks and asks "Come on, tell us what
she said to you this morning.."
This time, the Dwarf smirks and says "She said.. Please, Honey, don't
stop now..."
Moral of this story: Dwarves may not be imaginative lovers, but when
you get a +2 to Constitution, you have a lot of staying power..
...They eyeballed it.
To Role-play.
ID: NW-DD5FLOBTJ Cult of the Dragon Foundry Contest - Please participate and vote for your favourite - 26/6/2014 contest rating begins.
Sir Camps A Lot. Mr SlingShot Boom. XX Phantasmagorical. Jinn Dragonfeast.
SlingShot Boom Jr. Jocan Traders. Little Lord Forgatty, Dwarf Mean and introducing Necro Torquemada (The Warlock)