Why does the sun always shine over Neverwinter Castle?
Because the GM never want you to sleep.
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crismccombMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
A random passerby sees an Orc swinging his 2-Handed Sword with amazing skill and precision. He stops and asks the Orc, "Are you a Great Weapon Fighter?" The Orc turns to look at the man and say,"Eh I'm alright."
Twas a late and stormy night when King Bolt of Iron called upon his retainers for a meeting of vast importance. He addressed his cavaliers
I have gathered you all here today!
Sir Cumference of Girth,
Sir Fas of Area,
Sir Ten of Belief,
Sir Up of Maple,
Sir Jun of Medicine,
Sir Mun of Preaching,
Sir Kis of Silliness,
Sir Lee of Back Talkery,
Sir Loin of Beef,
Sir Prise of Partys,
Sir Vent of The People,
Sir Cul of Roundness, and
Sir Ender of France
To discuss the dissolution of the obnoxious bards and their constant punning about our names.
Pun enough? :cool:
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massimo40Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 12Arc User
edited May 2013
I only have two, One's a short pun, and the other is a Medium-Length story.
1) What do you call a Lawful good Rogue??
A Lawyer.
2) A Human, a Dwarf, and a Half-Orc are captured by a Troll Tribe in the Wilds of Faerun, Deep into the King's Forest, They are told they can Live if they can complete a Sacred ritual, if they failed, they were Going to be Put over a Cooking spit, then Eaten. Each was told that they must go into the forest, with a troll guard, and Acquire 10 of the same fruit, then come back for the rest of the ritual. So they all set off, The Human is the first to return, with 10 Apples he got from the trees, The trolls told him if he wanted to leave he was to stick the apples up his Bum, and if he were to change his facial expression, or make any noise, he was dead. He didn't even finish the first before Screaming in pain. Then came the dwarf, Who had 10 Cherries, he was told the same ritual, and he proceeded, 1.... 2.... 3.... 4.... 5.... 6.... 7.... And then he started bursting out with laughter. In the afterlife, the Human met with the dwarf and said "Why did you laugh!? you were so close!" The dwarf responded, while still laughing, "I Saw the last guy coming back with Pineapples!"
What do you get when you cross a Drow Matron with a Red Dragon?
A dead Drow Matron. Nobody crosses a Red Dragon!
How many orcs does it take to change a light bulb?
10.
9 to fight over the shiny object and 1 to smash it. If he can't have it, nobody can.
An old dragon and young dragon were sitting on a mountain top overlooking a village. The young dragon said "I'm going to run down there and eat an adventurer!" The old dragon chuckled and said "I'm going to walk down there and eat all of the adventurers." h/t to Redd Foxx
The elf and the dwarf were leaving the tavern when the elf said "Did you thing tip the waitress?" The dwarf looked up and said "Of course I did? What kind of dwarf do ye think I am? I can't believe she managed to keep her balance long enough to throw the empty mug at me."
The adventurer boasted: I have defeated the undead of the Cloak Tower, I have beaten Mog of the Many Arrows clan and I have taken the gold of the Mad Dragon. I can do anything!
The adventurer's wife said: I know one thing you can't do.
The adventurer thought for a moment and asked: What? What is it I cannot do?
His wife handed him mop and said: You cannot wipe the mud and blood of your boots! I spent all day cleaning this house and now look at the floor! Augh!
Whats the biggest thing a beholder has in life?
His eyes
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hurbvonMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 8Arc User
edited May 2013
We do realize that you are not able to access the joke at this time. We think we have figured out why the joke has not been posted, but do not have an ETA for the joke. We appreciate the wonderful player base that we have and their fantastic sense of humor. As soon as we decide on the decision for the joke that is forthcoming, we will put up a post letting you know that the decision has been made and the joke will come shortly after. We appreciate your patience while waiting for the funny to come.
Sincerely, your Neverwinter Community Manager.
I know this probably won't win, but your posts make me laugh every time I read them! I am not being mean.
When asked "How you so good?" Here are some popular responses:
I didn't choose the thug life, it came with my strength score.
I didn't choose the thug life, it was one of the bonuses I get from my deity.
I didn't choose the thug life, I looted it off a mimic chest.
I didn't choose the thug life, it's a buff from using my daily.
I didn't choose the thug life, it's a secret bonus from Nightmare Lockboxes.
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hesdeadjim42Member, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
Two templars are looking over a dead halfing rogue, grotesquely impaled at the bottom of a spike pit.
Templar one: Trap's DC was just too high, and you gotta feel bad, sir. Looks like he was just a few exp away from hitting Trap Sense+1. Might have given him a chance, at least.
Templar two: Well it seems as though his search skill check *pulls down helm visor* fell short.
YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAH
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johcoMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
A war horse walks into a tavern. The halfling barkeep asks "Why the long face?"
One time I had the party fight a woad that was being controlled by an evil sorceress through an enchanted fork that was stuck into its side. When the party found a removed it I announced "You take the fork in the woad."
Other woad related puns:
Woads are mainly melee combatants, using brute force and often wielding shield.
In other words, most are woad warriors.
Why did the rogue cross the woad?
To get to the other side and gain combat advantage against it.
What if the wood a woad is made of is petrified?
Well then I guess it would be a rocky woad.
What do you call a woad solo encounter?
The lonely woad
A mysterious merchant hires you to dispose of four ghosts haunting a nearby castle. Enjoy this short adventure that pays homage to a classic arcade game. I'm sure you will be able to guess which one.
What do you do when there are a bunch of goblins hanging around the front of you castle..??
Hang some out the back.
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deathbyzombieMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
DM to 1st-level thief: Orc hits you for a solid 7 hit points. What's that put you at?
Thief: <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> I'm at -1... I only get a d6 for hit points..
DM: Okay, you're down and bleeding. Guess you should've had a d8!
A dwarven woman walks by a pet shop with a parrot in the window. The parrot says "Hey lady! You're ugly!" The woman gets all flustered and walks away quickly.
On her way back, she passes by the store again, and the parrot says "Hey lady! You're ugly!" Furious, she storms into the store and yells at the owner with all sorts of threats. He appoligizes and says it won't happen again.
The next day, she walks by the store and the parrot says "Hey lady!" She looks over and says "Yes?", to which he replies "You know."
Your off to see the Wizard
The wonderful Wizard of Neverwinter
You'll find he is a whiz of a Wiz! If ever a Wiz! there was.
If ever oh ever a Wiz! there was The Wizard of neverwinter is one because,
Because, because, because, because, because.
Because of the wonderful things he does.
You're off to see the Wizard. The Wonderful Wizard of Neverwinter
The Zombie Song
I could while away the hours, conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain.
And my head I'd be scratchin' while
My thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain.
Genus Draco Fad and the Muster@Jintortle
ID: NW-DD5FLOBTJ Cult of the Dragon Foundry Contest - Please participate and vote for your favourite - 26/6/2014 contest rating begins.
Sir Camps A Lot. Mr SlingShot Boom. XX Phantasmagorical. Jinn Dragonfeast.
SlingShot Boom Jr. Jocan Traders. Little Lord Forgatty, Dwarf Mean and introducing Necro Torquemada (The Warlock)
There once was a lady Beholder;
Her dragon friend wished to behold her.
He saved versus death
She failed versus breath
Now all she can do is be-smolder.
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wramogoMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero Users, Neverwinter Knight of the Feywild UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
In Days of old,
when knights were bold ,
and toilets weren't invented,
they left their load,
upon the road,
and walked away ,
contented
Comments
Because the GM never want you to sleep.
A: One with a Hand of Vecna!
Because the grass tickles their chin!
tell 'em drinks are on the house
I have gathered you all here today!
Sir Cumference of Girth,
Sir Fas of Area,
Sir Ten of Belief,
Sir Up of Maple,
Sir Jun of Medicine,
Sir Mun of Preaching,
Sir Kis of Silliness,
Sir Lee of Back Talkery,
Sir Loin of Beef,
Sir Prise of Partys,
Sir Vent of The People,
Sir Cul of Roundness, and
Sir Ender of France
To discuss the dissolution of the obnoxious bards and their constant punning about our names.
Pun enough? :cool:
1) What do you call a Lawful good Rogue??
A Lawyer.
2) A Human, a Dwarf, and a Half-Orc are captured by a Troll Tribe in the Wilds of Faerun, Deep into the King's Forest, They are told they can Live if they can complete a Sacred ritual, if they failed, they were Going to be Put over a Cooking spit, then Eaten. Each was told that they must go into the forest, with a troll guard, and Acquire 10 of the same fruit, then come back for the rest of the ritual. So they all set off, The Human is the first to return, with 10 Apples he got from the trees, The trolls told him if he wanted to leave he was to stick the apples up his Bum, and if he were to change his facial expression, or make any noise, he was dead. He didn't even finish the first before Screaming in pain. Then came the dwarf, Who had 10 Cherries, he was told the same ritual, and he proceeded, 1.... 2.... 3.... 4.... 5.... 6.... 7.... And then he started bursting out with laughter. In the afterlife, the Human met with the dwarf and said "Why did you laugh!? you were so close!" The dwarf responded, while still laughing, "I Saw the last guy coming back with Pineapples!"
~~Massimo Du'Tirith, lvl 60 CW, or Massimo Du'Nathe, Level 60 GWF, Dragon Server~~
Cleric seeking party of adventurers.
Come share a pint if interested.
You'll know me when you see me:
That's me in the corner
Using my religion
Telll her to follow her nose.
A dead Drow Matron. Nobody crosses a Red Dragon!
How many orcs does it take to change a light bulb?
10.
9 to fight over the shiny object and 1 to smash it. If he can't have it, nobody can.
An old dragon and young dragon were sitting on a mountain top overlooking a village. The young dragon said "I'm going to run down there and eat an adventurer!" The old dragon chuckled and said "I'm going to walk down there and eat all of the adventurers." h/t to Redd Foxx
The elf and the dwarf were leaving the tavern when the elf said "Did you thing tip the waitress?" The dwarf looked up and said "Of course I did? What kind of dwarf do ye think I am? I can't believe she managed to keep her balance long enough to throw the empty mug at me."
The adventurer boasted: I have defeated the undead of the Cloak Tower, I have beaten Mog of the Many Arrows clan and I have taken the gold of the Mad Dragon. I can do anything!
The adventurer's wife said: I know one thing you can't do.
The adventurer thought for a moment and asked: What? What is it I cannot do?
His wife handed him mop and said: You cannot wipe the mud and blood of your boots! I spent all day cleaning this house and now look at the floor! Augh!
His eyes
Sincerely, your Neverwinter Community Manager.
I know this probably won't win, but your posts make me laugh every time I read them! I am not being mean.
He saw green JELLO cubes on the desert rack.
Why couldn't the halfling get into the carnival? He was a little short.
Why did the rogue break up with the control wizard? He said she was always freezing him out of the conversations.
I didn't choose the thug life, it came with my strength score.
I didn't choose the thug life, it was one of the bonuses I get from my deity.
I didn't choose the thug life, I looted it off a mimic chest.
I didn't choose the thug life, it's a buff from using my daily.
I didn't choose the thug life, it's a secret bonus from Nightmare Lockboxes.
Templar one: Trap's DC was just too high, and you gotta feel bad, sir. Looks like he was just a few exp away from hitting Trap Sense+1. Might have given him a chance, at least.
Templar two: Well it seems as though his search skill check *pulls down helm visor* fell short.
YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAH
One time I had the party fight a woad that was being controlled by an evil sorceress through an enchanted fork that was stuck into its side. When the party found a removed it I announced "You take the fork in the woad."
Other woad related puns:
Woads are mainly melee combatants, using brute force and often wielding shield.
In other words, most are woad warriors.
Why did the rogue cross the woad?
To get to the other side and gain combat advantage against it.
What if the wood a woad is made of is petrified?
Well then I guess it would be a rocky woad.
What do you call a woad solo encounter?
The lonely woad
NW-DE76NJPYV
A mysterious merchant hires you to dispose of four ghosts haunting a nearby castle. Enjoy this short adventure that pays homage to a classic arcade game. I'm sure you will be able to guess which one.
Wave at him.
Hang some out the back.
Thief: <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> I'm at -1... I only get a d6 for hit points..
DM: Okay, you're down and bleeding. Guess you should've had a d8!
On her way back, she passes by the store again, and the parrot says "Hey lady! You're ugly!" Furious, she storms into the store and yells at the owner with all sorts of threats. He appoligizes and says it won't happen again.
The next day, she walks by the store and the parrot says "Hey lady!" She looks over and says "Yes?", to which he replies "You know."
The wonderful Wizard of Neverwinter
You'll find he is a whiz of a Wiz! If ever a Wiz! there was.
If ever oh ever a Wiz! there was The Wizard of neverwinter is one because,
Because, because, because, because, because.
Because of the wonderful things he does.
You're off to see the Wizard. The Wonderful Wizard of Neverwinter
The Zombie Song
I could while away the hours, conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain.
And my head I'd be scratchin' while
My thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain.
ID: NW-DD5FLOBTJ Cult of the Dragon Foundry Contest - Please participate and vote for your favourite - 26/6/2014 contest rating begins.
Sir Camps A Lot. Mr SlingShot Boom. XX Phantasmagorical. Jinn Dragonfeast.
SlingShot Boom Jr. Jocan Traders. Little Lord Forgatty, Dwarf Mean and introducing Necro Torquemada (The Warlock)
Her dragon friend wished to behold her.
He saved versus death
She failed versus breath
Now all she can do is be-smolder.
when knights were bold ,
and toilets weren't invented,
they left their load,
upon the road,
and walked away ,
contented