What monsters eat too much? Goblins.
Why did the Fighter let the Rogue choose the party's Warlock? Because he was good at picking 'Locks.
Why do dwarves have such big nostrils? Because they have big fingers.
Two humans walk into a bar, the halfling walks under it.
What's the difference between a zombie and a politician? One is brainless and the other is a zombie.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a wyrm in your apple.
What do you call a wizard's duel? A spelling bee.
I went to the ruined building near the driftwood tavern to search for the Crown of Neverwinter the Nashers had stolen. I walked in and found a bunch of rogues playing cards at a table. I demanded, "Where's Honor?"
They replied: "Sorry, there is no Honor among these thieves."
So, Neverwinter was having a Pun contest. You could enter as many puns as you like, So I did. I found ten great puns and jokes, thinking one would win. I was already looking forward to the prize. You'd think that with ten great jokes, I'd be certain to win. Certainly one should have won, but no pun in ten did.
This time three diverse racial heroes, a dwarf from Citadel Adbar, a halfling from Calimport and a drow from Menzoberranzan have a bash at teleporting to their homelands from the crowd of Protector's Enclave with one aged teleport scroll. So identifying by appropriated their precise arrivals because teleport won't land at their destination, they must jump out for each other's markings.
First, two hours into the teleport the drow was tired of waiting, so he stuck out his hand to see where he was: "We're in Menzoberranzan" he yelled "I can feel the heating of the Narbondel in the red glowing" and he jumped home.
Second, three hours after that the halfling stuck his hand out the 'shell' of teleport and said: "We're in Calimport, I touched the House of Thieves' Guild" and he exited the teleport.
Another few hours later the dwarf stuck his hand out the 'shell' and said: "At last, by now I must be in Citadel Adbar because someone's just stolen in greedy way all my looted items!"
Tiefling female to Half-elf female, "what do you get the human male who has got everything?"
Half-elf female "I do not know what do you get him?"
Tiefling female " A good cleric!"
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] I am not evil, I am just cursed.
0
Options
gematriyaMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 14Arc User
edited May 2013
Why do dwarfs laugh when they play soccer?
The grass tickles their ***.
Why did the Halfling Great Weapon Fighter dye his armor pink?
So the party could find his corpse.
A Great Weapon Fighter in a dungeon...
"Help!"
A Great Weapon Fighter meets a rabbit.....
"Help!"
A Great Weapon Fighter walks into a bar...
"Help!"
Neverember congratulates another adventurer on a job well done, then turns to one of his guards:
"I swear, the next Drow called Drizzt with a Panther companion is gonna get arrested"
If i had 2 Great Weapon Fighters i would call them One and Two so when One dies i would still have Two.
Neverwinter Online is just like Pizza. When its good, its very good, when its bad, its still pretty good.
Chuck Norris is so awesome that while playing 4th edition all of his daily powers suddenly because at-will and all of his at-will powers could destroy the entire world on a crit.Unfortunately for the DM, everytime Chuck Norris roles to hit he gets a 20.
During a game of 3.5, we reached a city and leveled up to 2nd level. We took 3 hours to level up and get equipment. We were on our way to leaving the town when the DM mentions that a couple Circus Bears broke out of their cages. Within seconds, total party wipe. Damned Circus Bears!
An elf, a human and a dwarf are all enjoying drinks in a tavern when each notices a fly in their glass.
The elf places his napkin over the glass and pushes it off to the side.
The human removes the fly and keeps drinking.
The dwarf pulls out the fly and starts yelling, "Spit it out, ya *******! Spit it out!"
0
Options
kartuneMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 9Arc User
edited May 2013
A party of adventures heads into a dungeon. As they approach the first room they see a group of creatures. The Guardian fighter tells the cleric "Hand me my red shirt, please." The cleric hands him the red shirt, which he immediately wears. He charges in and they destroy all the creatures.
After a few rooms have been cleared, they make camp and take a break by the fire. The the cleric approaches the Guardian fighter and asks "Why did you want a red shirt?". To which the Guardian fighter responds "You see, I am leading the charge and the rest of our companions looks up to me for leadership. If they were to see me wounded they would might get discouraged. So I wear a red shirt so they wont be able to see the blood of my wounds."
After their rest they press on. They clear room after room until they reach the main chamber. In the main chamber they see a massive dragon. It passes around in the chamber, impatiently awaiting whoever is causing such a commotion in its lair. The Guardian fighter, bravely, enters the room. The dragon gives him an intimidating stare and then roars loudly. The guardian fighter turns to the cleric and says "Hand me my brown pants, please!".
This happened during the first half of our gaming groups 2nd ed./1st ed D&D game. We were trying to sneak into a fortress and confront the enemy leader. We used the sewers to get under the fortress and surfaced in a room. This room had one door, and that door had written on it. "For the Bold and True Adventure" Everyone in the party said at the exact same time "WE NEED ANOTHER DOOR!" Always distrust anything in a D&D game that looks like a invitation, it probably is a trap.
And lastly. Remember when running from a Dragon. You don't have to outrun the Dragon, just the dwarf.
Apparently my first post didn't stick. I'm not sure how, so here we go again. If they both show up I apologize in advance!
Joke #1
There was a city guardsman in Waterdeep, riding around patrolling the streets of the castle ward. He sees a rogue driving a wagon through the streets. As this is illegal there, he gives chase. the rogue, seeing him approach, spurs his horses on to ridiculous speeds, but to no avail, the guardsman is still gaining on him. Finally, giving up to spare his horses, he just waits and lets the guard catch him. The guard, as it is towards the end of his shift and he is feeling magnanimous, tells the rogue, "If you can give me one good reason why you were driving through here with such reckless abandon, I'll let you go instead of calling the magister." The thief skips only a beat for dramatic effect and says "See sire, it was like this, My wife ran off with a guardsman last week, and from a distance, I thought you was him trying to bring her back!"
Joke #2
A paladin lord was riding through his countryside one day, observing the peasantry when he spotted a beautiful woman selling apples at a fence. As he approached closer, he noticed a crowd of men around her buying the apples, but they were paying a terrible price for them. The paladin, telling himself he must right such a terrible wrong, rode up to the girl and said, "Greetings madam, but I see your apples are vastly over-priced. I do not allow such things in my land. What have you to say for yourself?" The girl looked up aghast and responds, "But sire, I am in desperate need of the coin, for I am but a poor simple country maiden and hope find a husband. To do that I need to be able to afford a ticket to the paladin's ball!" To whit the paladin replies, "Dear girl, paladins don't have balls." The men begin subtly snickering, the girl smiles, and the paladin, red faced, just rides slowly off....
I don't know if this one has been posted but this is one I was told a very, very long time ago by my Uncle while he taught me my first D&D Table top session:
A gnome and a half-orc find themselves being granted three wishes each by a pair of Efreet.
The half-orc smirks and says, "I wish that I was the leader of my tribe, and that the orcs and half-orcs of my tribe were beautiful women." The first Efreeti nods and grants his wish. The gnome says, "I wish for a riding-dog." The second Efreeti nods and grants his wish.
"Why are you wishing for a riding-dog?" the half-orc asks the gnome. "There's no limit to what you can wish for!" He thinks for a second, then turns to the first Efreeti and says, "I wasn't thinking big enough last time. I wish that all the orcs and half-orcs on the continent were beautiful women." The first Efreeti nods and grants his wish. The gnome says, "I wish for a saddle for my riding-dog." The second Efreeti nods and grants his wish.
The half-orc watches the gnome put the saddle on the riding-dog, an incredulous look on the half-orc's face. "You're wasting your wishes by thinking too small, fool! See?" He turns to the first Efreeti and says, "I wish that all the orcs and half-orcs in the world were beautiful women!" The first Efreeti nods and grants his wish.
The gnome smirks and shakes his head slowly. He climb into the saddle, and as he leaves, he says, "I wish the half-orc was <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font>."
Want to win a Neverwinter "Party Time" shirt, a Logitech G400 gaming mouse, or even a Logitech G19 gaming keyboard? It's easy! Tell us your best Neverwinter or Dungeons & Dragons joke and/or pun and you could be a lucky winner!
(Exploring dungeon with friend)
Me: Ha! I took that boss like a CHAMP! That was to easy.
Friend: That wasn't the boss. That was a minion.
Me: Oh. *Goes to corner, curls up in a ball, tries not to cry, cries*
I would roll Cleric if I didn't have to be devoted. I would much rather be an apathetic cleric.
0
Options
mydahMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
An elf and a half-orc walked into a bar. The dwarf just walked under it.
0
Options
jvilnisaustMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 11Arc User
edited May 2013
Party Member #1: I really have to upgrade my gear and skills because I keep dying when aggroing the mobs.
PM #2: You are playing your Cleric, not your Guardian.
PM #1: Why didn't you tell me before we wiped 12 times on Mad Dragon?
PM #2: It was just too funny watching you die so many times!
New guy- "I'm medium height with a dark cloak draped across my head to conceal my face. I am wearing darkened leather armor with a vest full of throwing knives slipped through several loops for easy access. I have a long dagger on one hip and a rapier on the other."
Group- "well you seem trustworthy. would you like to join us?"
(Every gamer group ever)! lol
0
Options
bonemarchMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 0Arc User
Comments
Why did the Fighter let the Rogue choose the party's Warlock? Because he was good at picking 'Locks.
Why do dwarves have such big nostrils? Because they have big fingers.
Two humans walk into a bar, the halfling walks under it.
What's the difference between a zombie and a politician? One is brainless and the other is a zombie.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a wyrm in your apple.
What do you call a wizard's duel? A spelling bee.
Answer: Someone ran out of sand
They replied: "Sorry, there is no Honor among these thieves."
A:egypt
Bartender: Hi there, what will it be?
Skeleton: A beer and a mop.
This time three diverse racial heroes, a dwarf from Citadel Adbar, a halfling from Calimport and a drow from Menzoberranzan have a bash at teleporting to their homelands from the crowd of Protector's Enclave with one aged teleport scroll. So identifying by appropriated their precise arrivals because teleport won't land at their destination, they must jump out for each other's markings.
First, two hours into the teleport the drow was tired of waiting, so he stuck out his hand to see where he was: "We're in Menzoberranzan" he yelled "I can feel the heating of the Narbondel in the red glowing" and he jumped home.
Second, three hours after that the halfling stuck his hand out the 'shell' of teleport and said: "We're in Calimport, I touched the House of Thieves' Guild" and he exited the teleport.
Another few hours later the dwarf stuck his hand out the 'shell' and said: "At last, by now I must be in Citadel Adbar because someone's just stolen in greedy way all my looted items!"
Tiefling female to Half-elf female, "what do you get the human male who has got everything?"
Half-elf female "I do not know what do you get him?"
Tiefling female " A good cleric!"
The grass tickles their ***.
Why did the Halfling Great Weapon Fighter dye his armor pink?
So the party could find his corpse.
A Great Weapon Fighter in a dungeon...
"Help!"
A Great Weapon Fighter meets a rabbit.....
"Help!"
A Great Weapon Fighter walks into a bar...
"Help!"
Neverember congratulates another adventurer on a job well done, then turns to one of his guards:
"I swear, the next Drow called Drizzt with a Panther companion is gonna get arrested"
If i had 2 Great Weapon Fighters i would call them One and Two so when One dies i would still have Two.
Neverwinter Online is just like Pizza. When its good, its very good, when its bad, its still pretty good.
Littering.
The elf places his napkin over the glass and pushes it off to the side.
The human removes the fly and keeps drinking.
The dwarf pulls out the fly and starts yelling, "Spit it out, ya *******! Spit it out!"
After a few rooms have been cleared, they make camp and take a break by the fire. The the cleric approaches the Guardian fighter and asks "Why did you want a red shirt?". To which the Guardian fighter responds "You see, I am leading the charge and the rest of our companions looks up to me for leadership. If they were to see me wounded they would might get discouraged. So I wear a red shirt so they wont be able to see the blood of my wounds."
After their rest they press on. They clear room after room until they reach the main chamber. In the main chamber they see a massive dragon. It passes around in the chamber, impatiently awaiting whoever is causing such a commotion in its lair. The Guardian fighter, bravely, enters the room. The dragon gives him an intimidating stare and then roars loudly. The guardian fighter turns to the cleric and says "Hand me my brown pants, please!".
And lastly. Remember when running from a Dragon. You don't have to outrun the Dragon, just the dwarf.
Joke #1
There was a city guardsman in Waterdeep, riding around patrolling the streets of the castle ward. He sees a rogue driving a wagon through the streets. As this is illegal there, he gives chase. the rogue, seeing him approach, spurs his horses on to ridiculous speeds, but to no avail, the guardsman is still gaining on him. Finally, giving up to spare his horses, he just waits and lets the guard catch him. The guard, as it is towards the end of his shift and he is feeling magnanimous, tells the rogue, "If you can give me one good reason why you were driving through here with such reckless abandon, I'll let you go instead of calling the magister." The thief skips only a beat for dramatic effect and says "See sire, it was like this, My wife ran off with a guardsman last week, and from a distance, I thought you was him trying to bring her back!"
Joke #2
A paladin lord was riding through his countryside one day, observing the peasantry when he spotted a beautiful woman selling apples at a fence. As he approached closer, he noticed a crowd of men around her buying the apples, but they were paying a terrible price for them. The paladin, telling himself he must right such a terrible wrong, rode up to the girl and said, "Greetings madam, but I see your apples are vastly over-priced. I do not allow such things in my land. What have you to say for yourself?" The girl looked up aghast and responds, "But sire, I am in desperate need of the coin, for I am but a poor simple country maiden and hope find a husband. To do that I need to be able to afford a ticket to the paladin's ball!" To whit the paladin replies, "Dear girl, paladins don't have balls." The men begin subtly snickering, the girl smiles, and the paladin, red faced, just rides slowly off....
" Stop fulling around. "
Explanation- halfling is jealous because the human is normal size or " Full." Also, he's telling the human to stop fooling or "Fulling," around.
A gnome and a half-orc find themselves being granted three wishes each by a pair of Efreet.
The half-orc smirks and says, "I wish that I was the leader of my tribe, and that the orcs and half-orcs of my tribe were beautiful women." The first Efreeti nods and grants his wish. The gnome says, "I wish for a riding-dog." The second Efreeti nods and grants his wish.
"Why are you wishing for a riding-dog?" the half-orc asks the gnome. "There's no limit to what you can wish for!" He thinks for a second, then turns to the first Efreeti and says, "I wasn't thinking big enough last time. I wish that all the orcs and half-orcs on the continent were beautiful women." The first Efreeti nods and grants his wish. The gnome says, "I wish for a saddle for my riding-dog." The second Efreeti nods and grants his wish.
The half-orc watches the gnome put the saddle on the riding-dog, an incredulous look on the half-orc's face. "You're wasting your wishes by thinking too small, fool! See?" He turns to the first Efreeti and says, "I wish that all the orcs and half-orcs in the world were beautiful women!" The first Efreeti nods and grants his wish.
The gnome smirks and shakes his head slowly. He climb into the saddle, and as he leaves, he says, "I wish the half-orc was <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font>."
1st Player: I cast magic missile.
2nd Player: On What?
1st Player: On the Darkness!
...
...
...
15 hours of character creation!
Me: Ha! I took that boss like a CHAMP! That was to easy.
Friend: That wasn't the boss. That was a minion.
Me: Oh. *Goes to corner, curls up in a ball, tries not to cry, cries*
PM #2: You are playing your Cleric, not your Guardian.
PM #1: Why didn't you tell me before we wiped 12 times on Mad Dragon?
PM #2: It was just too funny watching you die so many times!
DM- "hey new guy describe your character"
New guy- "I'm medium height with a dark cloak draped across my head to conceal my face. I am wearing darkened leather armor with a vest full of throwing knives slipped through several loops for easy access. I have a long dagger on one hip and a rapier on the other."
Group- "well you seem trustworthy. would you like to join us?"
(Every gamer group ever)! lol
6; 1 to stand in the mud and 5 others to spit on him