Hey Epic Noodles what did you get out of that chest from the boss we just killed. "Sir Tankalot said
Chest what are you talking about. "said Epic Noodles looking around
The one from the dungeon we just left. " Sir Tankalot said smacking Epic Noodles
Oh um 100,000 zen ya that's it. "Epic noodles said with a tear in his eye
But it was a Epic journey just don't tell any one about the chest. "Epic Noodles
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furtharkMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero Users, Neverwinter Knight of the Feywild UsersPosts: 3Arc User
edited May 2013
So there we were, in Menzoberranzan, two against 5000! Can you imagine the odds?! I mean two against 5000! Tell you what...
So a dwarf a elf and and human are stranded in the wastes and stumble upon a ring of wishing. The ring says "make a wish but you each only get one." so the dwarf says "i wish my people were all free and equal in height to humans and had their own lands in the underlands." the ring granted this and all dwarf kind grew 3 feet and were moved to happiness in the underlands. The elf wished for peace and that cursed elves of old be renewed and all elvish kind were in their home lands. The ring granted this as well... The human then says, wait... so you mean there are no dwarfs and no elves in my lands anymore??? the ring replies "thats right..." The human ponders for a moment and says " i guess i'll have a beer then."
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harg3nethMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
A elf women and a human male are trying to decide the name of their child. After not being able to find a name they both like they settled on the name TenThirty.
TenThirty (half-elf) for those that arent quick of mind
So did you know that after working 79 hours this week I'm going to go home on a Friday night and play Neverwinter... Oh, never mind, there's a 5 minute patch at midnight, I'll log in after breakfast, it should be done by then.
3 Dwarves go on a picnic into Neverwinter woods, once there they realise they've forgotten the mustard, "One of us has to go back for the mustard" says the first dwarf, "But it's a days walk away" says the second dwarf. "I'm not eating this <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> without mustard" says the first, "We'll draw straws". The third dwarf draws the short (no pun intended, put away the axe please.............argh!) straw "Ok, I'll go but you two must promise not to eat the food til I get back", so off he goes.
After two days the the dwarves are getting starving but don't touch the food as promised, two more days pass, "He must not be coming back" says the first dwarf "Let's just eat and the go back and give him a kicking", as they start to tuck into the food the third dwarf jumps from behind a nearby rock and shouts "Aha, I knew you'd start without me, I'm not going now"
Zach
Essence of Aggression
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whogivsasheitMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
In a trial before the King of Neverwinter, the prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly elven woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Madam, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, you Half Elfe Rogue. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit trickster. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the court and asked, "Madam, do you know the defence attorney ?"
She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known that miserable Dwarf since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the whole of Neverwinter. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him".
The defence attorney nearly died.
The King asked both counselors to approach the bench, and, in a very quiet voice, said,
"If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the block to be beheaded."
Let's confront the facts: Fantasy Football is simply "Dungeons & Dragons" for those people that inexplicably conclude rushing touchdowns and passing percentages are more compelling than slaying an Umber Hulk with a +5 Holy Avenger. So let's add some armor to those players with a few Tripping Chain and Spiked Pit traps on the field!
An impressionable ogre decided to undertake a gathering quest as he liked the look of the shiny belt adventurers had been getting as a reward.
The quest giver giver refused to give him the quest but he changed his mind after a single knock on the head with a tree trunk.
Happy as anything the Ogre went off in search of herbs in the woods.
He returned some time later looking confused and a little dazed.
"Did you collect everything I asked of you?" Asked the quest giver.
"Uh..." Replied the Ogre. "I fink so... I not sure what a 'erb' is but ovver peeple do. So I gathered 2 dwarfs, 6 halflings, and 'alf an elf.... I mean... an 'alf elf."
The quest giver did not want to reward the Ogre for his efforts but he'd also gathered an even bigger tree trunk. He duly pulled the unfortunate adventurers from the bags they'd been stuffed into, searched them for the herbs he needed, and agreed to give the Ogre his shiny belt.
does anyone else have a funny glitch where the cloth on bosses blows up like marilyn monroes dress? Is this intentional? are there bosses with skirts later in the game? Was this some Dev that had a 3d sculpted model of brooklyn decker and forgot to take out the dress blowing upskirt physics module out of the programming? Are we really trying to see ogre balls... Seriously guys, keep it in ur pants or at least on your local HDD.
What do Hawaii and Neverwinter have in common, they both don't are Neverwinter,
what are different about them, one has been invaded, the other is being invaded.
A Half Orc walks up to his friend in the market place. "Hey, Gormak," the little Halfling says, "how are you doing today?" Gormak replies "I'm great. I am throwing a party tonight and I wanted to invite you over to my place." "Well, what kind of party is it going to be? A birthday party? A victory party?" The Halfling asks excitedly. "Well, there is going to be some drinking, some fighting and some fornicating." Gormek says plainly. "WOW that sounds like my kind of party! What should I bring?" The Halfling replies with wide eyes. Gormak says sharply, "Nothing, its just gonna be you and me."
Man runs into a bar and yell "Draaaaaagons run for your life" as our hero stands up slowly from his chair in corner and replies "Dragons you say? Pshhhh i killed hundreds of them..."... Hero goes out to face mighty dragon and kills him with one strike of his sword... "yet another dragon falls to my blade" said the hero... thinking to himself "I'll never get a girlfriend, will i?"...
First off, ignore my name. My friends and I were coming up with funny names to use. Actually surprised this one worked.
Second, my post isn't really a joke, but I just find it funny when people are like, "OMG, I hate pay-to-win players" or "I wish my rich daddy paid for my Founder's Pack" or "Ugh, it's soooo unfair when I have to work so hard to get blah-blah-blah when you just went and paid for it." Honestly? I love pay-to-win players! (I myself am not one, being that I am a broke college kid with a girlfriend. You know how expensive they are. BUT she will start playing with me once she gets a computer don't worry, boys, I'm wifing that girl.)
Anywho, I think they're great! They support and allow PW and Neverwinter to be F2P! I don't know about you, but I frickin' love free things! Never played WoW or any other MMO games like it just because you have to pay and that I never really was a big fan of MMOs. Heck, the only reason why I started playing this was because it was free. Just glad the game and the community was actually pretty impressive that I'm staying! So, before you bash a play-to-win player, just remember they're helping YOU and me play this game for free.
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camclemonsMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 6Arc User
edited May 2013
Mad is the one that would name a graveyard Neverdead, and be surprised when the corpses there never die...
Wizard rides into a bar on a horse.
The bartender asks "Why the long face?"
The wizard answers "I can't afford the Spider"
What do you call a half-Orc Great Weapon Fighter?
Whatever you want, if its not a PvP zone.
Neverwinter summer hit 2013: "Who let the cats out" by Banamen
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snottieeMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 3Arc User
edited May 2013
Player one says: "To escape the dragon I jump off the cliff."
Player two says: "Good idea to escape the dragon I to jump off the cliff."
Player one says: "I activate my ring of feather fall"
Player two says: "Your ring of what?"
A mighty half orc faces down a vicious drow from the underdark, they circle each other, waiting for the other to make an opening. The orc looks up slightly and smiles, the drow looks confused and asks, "Why do you smile orc?" The half orc chuckles quietly and says smugly. "I just rolled a natural 20..."
An older battle hardened fighter is speaking to a group of young fighters in training. The old fighter states, "I don't always stand in red circles. But, when I do. SHIFT+1! SHIFT+1! SHIFT+1!"
On a shiney lovely Friday Mr.Brok went for his computer for playing Neverwinter, after a hard day on the job.
Hey Everyone - Maintenance will be starting in a couple minutes.
We hope that it will take 90 minutes or less,
and will keep you in the loop as the situation progresses!
A Human, an Elf and a Half-orc are adventuring in the Underdark when they are captured by a Drow patrol.
Now, the Drow have been out for a few days now, and they're pretty bored, so they decide to have some fun by tying up our three poor adventurers and submitting them to a firing squad.
As the Drow level their hand-crossbows and prepare to put our three heroes out of their misery, the Human gets a bright idea:
"Cave-in!" He shouts, at the top of his lungs.
Now, Cave-ins are a serious problem when you're underground, so naturally, the Drow don't take any chances, taking cover and waiting for the roof to collapse on them. As the Drow are distracted, the human slips his bonds and runs off into the darkness.
The Drow are furious, but they figure they can still have their fun killing the two remaining prisoners. However, the Elf has realized that these Drow aren't particularly bright, and that the same trick might work twice. He quietly explains what he's about to do to the Half-Orc (about three or four times, because, you know, half-orcs) before pointing behind the Drow and screaming "Flood!"
Again, the threat of calamity inside the caves brings the Drow to scatter and prepare themselves. By the time they realize that they've been hoodwinked, the Elf is gone.
Now, only the Half-Orc remains. The Drow settle themselves with killing only one prisoner, but the Half-Orc grins: these Drow have proven so jumpy that even a warning of a natural disaster is enough to distract them. He knows what he must do.
As the Drow level their weapons at the Half-Orc, he takes a deep breath and points at a spot behind the Drow:
Comments
Chest what are you talking about. "said Epic Noodles looking around
The one from the dungeon we just left. " Sir Tankalot said smacking Epic Noodles
Oh um 100,000 zen ya that's it. "Epic noodles said with a tear in his eye
But it was a Epic journey just don't tell any one about the chest. "Epic Noodles
We kicked those two's butts we did...
TenThirty (half-elf) for those that arent quick of mind
After two days the the dwarves are getting starving but don't touch the food as promised, two more days pass, "He must not be coming back" says the first dwarf "Let's just eat and the go back and give him a kicking", as they start to tuck into the food the third dwarf jumps from behind a nearby rock and shouts "Aha, I knew you'd start without me, I'm not going now"
Essence of Aggression
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the court and asked, "Madam, do you know the defence attorney ?"
She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known that miserable Dwarf since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the whole of Neverwinter. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him".
The defence attorney nearly died.
The King asked both counselors to approach the bench, and, in a very quiet voice, said,
"If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the block to be beheaded."
The quest giver giver refused to give him the quest but he changed his mind after a single knock on the head with a tree trunk.
Happy as anything the Ogre went off in search of herbs in the woods.
He returned some time later looking confused and a little dazed.
"Did you collect everything I asked of you?" Asked the quest giver.
"Uh..." Replied the Ogre. "I fink so... I not sure what a 'erb' is but ovver peeple do. So I gathered 2 dwarfs, 6 halflings, and 'alf an elf.... I mean... an 'alf elf."
The quest giver did not want to reward the Ogre for his efforts but he'd also gathered an even bigger tree trunk. He duly pulled the unfortunate adventurers from the bags they'd been stuffed into, searched them for the herbs he needed, and agreed to give the Ogre his shiny belt.
It didn't fit.
what are different about them, one has been invaded, the other is being invaded.
Second, my post isn't really a joke, but I just find it funny when people are like, "OMG, I hate pay-to-win players" or "I wish my rich daddy paid for my Founder's Pack" or "Ugh, it's soooo unfair when I have to work so hard to get blah-blah-blah when you just went and paid for it." Honestly? I love pay-to-win players! (I myself am not one, being that I am a broke college kid with a girlfriend. You know how expensive they are. BUT she will start playing with me once she gets a computer
Anywho, I think they're great! They support and allow PW and Neverwinter to be F2P! I don't know about you, but I frickin' love free things! Never played WoW or any other MMO games like it just because you have to pay and that I never really was a big fan of MMOs. Heck, the only reason why I started playing this was because it was free. Just glad the game and the community was actually pretty impressive that I'm staying! So, before you bash a play-to-win player, just remember they're helping YOU and me play this game for free.
a gambling
The bartender asks "Why the long face?"
The wizard answers "I can't afford the Spider"
What do you call a half-Orc Great Weapon Fighter?
Whatever you want, if its not a PvP zone.
Neverwinter summer hit 2013: "Who let the cats out" by Banamen
Player two says: "Good idea to escape the dragon I to jump off the cliff."
Player one says: "I activate my ring of feather fall"
Player two says: "Your ring of what?"
"Who's there?"
"Halfling, I couldn't reach the doorbell"
The bartender says, "Where's the rest of you?"
The bartender was never heard from again.
About 75 feet of newspaper should do
Elf Control Wizard - Dragon
Hey Everyone - Maintenance will be starting in a couple minutes.
We hope that it will take 90 minutes or less,
and will keep you in the loop as the situation progresses!
Now, the Drow have been out for a few days now, and they're pretty bored, so they decide to have some fun by tying up our three poor adventurers and submitting them to a firing squad.
As the Drow level their hand-crossbows and prepare to put our three heroes out of their misery, the Human gets a bright idea:
"Cave-in!" He shouts, at the top of his lungs.
Now, Cave-ins are a serious problem when you're underground, so naturally, the Drow don't take any chances, taking cover and waiting for the roof to collapse on them. As the Drow are distracted, the human slips his bonds and runs off into the darkness.
The Drow are furious, but they figure they can still have their fun killing the two remaining prisoners. However, the Elf has realized that these Drow aren't particularly bright, and that the same trick might work twice. He quietly explains what he's about to do to the Half-Orc (about three or four times, because, you know, half-orcs) before pointing behind the Drow and screaming "Flood!"
Again, the threat of calamity inside the caves brings the Drow to scatter and prepare themselves. By the time they realize that they've been hoodwinked, the Elf is gone.
Now, only the Half-Orc remains. The Drow settle themselves with killing only one prisoner, but the Half-Orc grins: these Drow have proven so jumpy that even a warning of a natural disaster is enough to distract them. He knows what he must do.
As the Drow level their weapons at the Half-Orc, he takes a deep breath and points at a spot behind the Drow:
"Fire!"