A male human was on the way to the was looking to buy a horse for its travels, when he came across a half-orc selling his mare for 50 silver pieces.
The man looks gives the mare a glance and says "what a fine horse and so for such a price i will take it"
The half orc looks at the human funny and says "you sure? Cause she do look so good." To which the man replies, "are you daft? she looks fine and seems strong to. Able to carry all my loot of my travels i bet she will"
The orc sill looking at the human funny says "well if your sure. just remember She dont look to good"
Thinking the half orc mad the human pays the fifty silver and takes his new horse with him home.
Some time later we we find the half-orc at the local tavern, drinking a pint, when the same male human come in. Exempt now he looks horrible. Small cuts everywhere, twigs and leaves in the hair, and a look that says "i just fell off a cliff, just bring me my mead"
the man abound getting his drink finds the half-orc and says "did you know your mare was blind"
To which the replies was "I told you she dont look to good"
A Dwarf, a Human and a Tiefling are in a bar having a drink when a great-looking female Dwarf comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."
So the Tiefling says, "I love liver and cheese." The female replies, "That's not good enough."
The Human says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough."
Finally, the Male Dwarf says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."
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soulesseliteMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
Aggro......
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g00dkat1Member, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 3Arc User
edited May 2013
why did the halfling cross the bridge in cragmire crypt? To get to the other side!!!! HUEHUEHEUEHEUHEUEHEUHE
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riderpride81Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
How do Rangers and Druids send messages in the Neverwinter Woods?
By Moss Code!
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finkrieg321Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
Why do dwarves grow a beard?
to counterbalance their back hair.
How many Dwarves does it take to light a street oil lamp?
300, 1 king to command, and 299 engineers to argue about logistics.
An elven bard walks into a tavern and asks the crowd, "Who's dragon is that outside?"
An older gentleman, dressed in archmage robes stands up, and replies "Mine. Why?"
The bard somberly approaches the mage. "I regret to inform you that the halfling in our party has killed your dragon"
"What!" erupts the archmage. "Your halfling killed Rithvaeraradace. Slayer of the Elminster, Destroyer of Cormyr, Raider of Waterdeep, Ruler of the Dales, Thorn to the Gods, and Bane of all Toril! How did this happen!?"
The bard sheepishly looks at the archmage and replies "Well...the little guy got stuck in its throat!"
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ainvarmainaMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
Dialogues during an attack of stirges: I took your bird, I'm holding it tight, you take mine, on three strong pull!
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doomedguideMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
This happened during a D&D campaign I was a part of, the encounter was Keep on the Shadowfell for 4th edition. I was playing a tiefling sorcerer and had fell into a pit with our eladrin psionic and minotaur runepriest. The eladrin feystepped out of the pit leaving me on top of the minotaur. He decides to throw me up and off of him so he could get out of the pit, he got a natural 20 to throw me off him and threw me out of the pit, but I failed an athletics check to catch the side of the pit and so fell back on top of him. After a combat encounter with some goblins the minotaur finally climbed out of the pit but I was still prone in it. I asked if I could shift out of the pit and the entire group along with the DM looked at me dumbfounded, I had forgotten I was prone and just wanted to make sure. The DM tells me to roll a d20 and so I did, I got a natural 20. Because of this the DM tells me that I roll up and out of the pit, the group and I realized right then and there that my character had broken the laws of physics since the pit walls were vertical.
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warfluxMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
I wonder if gnomes have garden humans.
If I drop my bag of holding, does it transform into a bag of let go?
a halfling told me to forget everything I know about longswords. So I did and it was a liberating feeling. He then tried to sell me a longsword and I didn't know what the hell it was.
I had a mount with separation anxiety so I just pretended to summon it.
... and then the doomed party watched as the lich's empowered fireball raced towards them. Their end was nigh, their doom imminent...
A bright flash, a wave of heat.... and our brave adventurer's stood staring at the lich in sheer amazement...
Yeah, everyone rolls a '1' now and then...
GG D20
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lovelynocturneMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 3Arc User
edited May 2013
A wizard, a warrior, a rogue and a cleric were discussing who does the most damage.
"When casters faint and rogues hide, I stand still and keep hacking. I do the most damage! And I'm also a known protector of the weak!" began the warrior.
"But my spells reach farther than your sword. With one word, I command the very elements themselves. Therefore I do the most damage!" exclaimed the wizard.
The rogue looked at the two previous speakers and sniggered.
"That's nothing. While the warrior hacks and the wizard mutters his spells, I've already cleared the room without the enemy ever knowing I was there! And I keep casters safe at the same time."
The wizard and warrior look each others, and finally nod slowly. Clearly the rogue is the best of them, with his double blades and quick reflexes. The warrior looks at his heavy sword and sighs disappointedly.
"Well..." begins the pious cleric. "That's all fine and good. But the way I see it, I still do the most damage."
Everyone laughs at this. They demand to know why. The cleric responds:
"All I have to do is slack off, and everyone dies."
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pvptigerMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 7Arc User
edited May 2013
A Halfling goes to a bar says , "Dwarf drinks on me to you the owner and everybody else in here!" Comes the end of the night the Halfling say...sorry man it seems i forgot my wallet. The Dwarf kicks him in the guts and throws him out. The next day the Halfling comes again, "Dwarf drinks on me to you the owner and everybody else in here!" Comes the end of the night the Halfling say...sorry Dwarf i don"t have any money on me. The Dwarf hits him in the face with bar stool brakes his leg and throws him out. The following day the Halfling comes to the bar again, "Dwarf drinks on me for the owner and everybody else in here!" Dwarf says, "What am not getting a free drink tonight?" "Sorry Dwarf but you get violent when you drink."
I'm gonna pop some pots,
Only got 20 diamonds in my pocket,
I-I I'm huntin', lookin for a dun-geon,
This is Neverwinter awesome...
Walk up to the cave like "what up, I got a big sword,"
I'm just pumped.. got some gear from a zombie horde,
Legs on the dwarf, they're so short and shiny,
Lord Neverember like, "wow, that guy is really tiny."
Rollin' in, hella deep, headin' toward a dragon creep,
Dressed in all steel, except my warrior boots, those were free,
Draped in a fuzzy cape, companion standin' next to me
Probably shoulda sold this piece, smells like Tower District streets..
Orcssssssssssss
But man, it was 2 million astral diamonds!
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dimeforscaleMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 5Arc User
edited May 2013
A group of monks wanted to build a new chapel and were thinking hard on ways to generate the money necessary to do the improvements. One friar suggested they plant a flower garden, sell the flowers and use the money for the construction. They agreed and planted the garden, and the endeavor was a huge success. People came from far and wide to buy the monks' flowers.
Indeed, it was such a success that Mr. O'Leary, the florist in the town, started feeling the impact on his business. He went out to the monastery and asked the friars if they could scale down their business a bit because it was affecting him. They refused his request and rudely sent him packing. More time went by, and O'Leary was now having trouble even meeting basic expenses. So he went out the monastery and made an even more heartfelt plea for them to limit their sales a bit. Again, they refused his request and slammed the door in his face.
Finally, at wit's end, O'Leary called upon Hugh McTaggart for help. Hugh McTaggart was the roughest, toughest, fightin'est and hard-drinkin'est scalawag in the entire town. Hugh heads out to the monastery and asks if they could stop selling their flowers, and again the friars refuse. Hugh rolls up his sleeves and proceeds to pummel each and every one of the monks there, so much so, that they agree not only to scale back their selling, but promise to uproot their flower garden altogether.
Intelligence-test for Barbarians Procedure: You place a small, black thumbtack near him (ideally on his shoulder) point and call: “Watch out – a horsefly!!!”
Depending on his reaction you can judge his intelligence:
a) He notices immediately, that you are pulling his leg > very intelligent (11-12) - for barbarians genius!
b) He first slaps the thumbtack & notices then, that you were pulling his leg > average intelligence (8-10) – for barbarians above average!
c) He slaps the thumbtack & then thinks it wasn’t a horsefly but a bee, because it did sting him > low intelligence (5-7) – for barbarians average!
d) He just slaps the thumbtack, smashing it > semi intelligent (2-4) – for barbarians below average!
e) He smashes the thumbtack & then eats it with obvious delight > animal intelligence (1) – even for barbarians pretty stupid!
The cornered ranger was out of arrows when he felt the searing pain strike him down.
Thus defeated, the ranger bowed at the knee and...hey looky there...pulled out an arrow. Yelping in pain, he strung it upon his own bow in desperation, and dispatched the assailant archer.
Aye, the ranger limped away in high spirits that day.
The End
_
[SIGPIC]Captain Electric and the Sapien Spider[/SIGPIC]
In a smokey tavern there are many people of different cultures, backgrounds and planes. A Succubus walks up to a fellow and asks "Did it hurt when you fell Asmodeus?" KABLOOMDUNK
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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cloudmagMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?
How many uber high dps Rogues does it take to change a light bulb ?
"All of them, at the same time even though light bulbs haven been invented yet"
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netherchickenMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 5Arc User
edited May 2013
A Tiefling, an Elf, and a Dwarf walk into the Moonshine Mask. Each orders a mug of the house brew. As if happens, a fly lands in each mug. The Tiefling looks down on the fly, faves a hand over the mug, and the fly bursts into flames, with a smile the Tiefling continues drinking. The Elf, with disdain on his face, demands another mug of brew, as this one is not longer fit for drinking. The dwarf on the other hand, has got the fly firmly between two finders shaking it upside down over his mug, shouting, "SPIT IT BACK OUT YE WEE LIL THIEF! SPIT IT OUT!!!".
Comments
2) Lathander saves. Everyone else takes full damage.
3) Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for thou art crunchy and taste good with gold
4) What do you have if you bury a Drow up to its neck in sand?
Not enough sand.
5) What do you call a halfling with no arms and no legs on your doorstep?
Fair Warning.
The man looks gives the mare a glance and says "what a fine horse and so for such a price i will take it"
The half orc looks at the human funny and says "you sure? Cause she do look so good." To which the man replies, "are you daft? she looks fine and seems strong to. Able to carry all my loot of my travels i bet she will"
The orc sill looking at the human funny says "well if your sure. just remember She dont look to good"
Thinking the half orc mad the human pays the fifty silver and takes his new horse with him home.
Some time later we we find the half-orc at the local tavern, drinking a pint, when the same male human come in. Exempt now he looks horrible. Small cuts everywhere, twigs and leaves in the hair, and a look that says "i just fell off a cliff, just bring me my mead"
the man abound getting his drink finds the half-orc and says "did you know your mare was blind"
To which the replies was "I told you she dont look to good"
What's a beholder's favorite letter? I
What did the attractive gelatinous cube say to its friend? Don't be jelly.
That's where its quest path told it to go.
So the Tiefling says, "I love liver and cheese." The female replies, "That's not good enough."
The Human says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough."
Finally, the Male Dwarf says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."
By Moss Code!
to counterbalance their back hair.
How many Dwarves does it take to light a street oil lamp?
300, 1 king to command, and 299 engineers to argue about logistics.
An elven bard walks into a tavern and asks the crowd, "Who's dragon is that outside?"
An older gentleman, dressed in archmage robes stands up, and replies "Mine. Why?"
The bard somberly approaches the mage. "I regret to inform you that the halfling in our party has killed your dragon"
"What!" erupts the archmage. "Your halfling killed Rithvaeraradace. Slayer of the Elminster, Destroyer of Cormyr, Raider of Waterdeep, Ruler of the Dales, Thorn to the Gods, and Bane of all Toril! How did this happen!?"
The bard sheepishly looks at the archmage and replies "Well...the little guy got stuck in its throat!"
If I drop my bag of holding, does it transform into a bag of let go?
a halfling told me to forget everything I know about longswords. So I did and it was a liberating feeling. He then tried to sell me a longsword and I didn't know what the hell it was.
I had a mount with separation anxiety so I just pretended to summon it.
A bright flash, a wave of heat.... and our brave adventurer's stood staring at the lich in sheer amazement...
Yeah, everyone rolls a '1' now and then...
GG D20
"When casters faint and rogues hide, I stand still and keep hacking. I do the most damage! And I'm also a known protector of the weak!" began the warrior.
"But my spells reach farther than your sword. With one word, I command the very elements themselves. Therefore I do the most damage!" exclaimed the wizard.
The rogue looked at the two previous speakers and sniggered.
"That's nothing. While the warrior hacks and the wizard mutters his spells, I've already cleared the room without the enemy ever knowing I was there! And I keep casters safe at the same time."
The wizard and warrior look each others, and finally nod slowly. Clearly the rogue is the best of them, with his double blades and quick reflexes. The warrior looks at his heavy sword and sighs disappointedly.
"Well..." begins the pious cleric. "That's all fine and good. But the way I see it, I still do the most damage."
Everyone laughs at this. They demand to know why. The cleric responds:
"All I have to do is slack off, and everyone dies."
Only got 20 diamonds in my pocket,
I-I I'm huntin', lookin for a dun-geon,
This is Neverwinter awesome...
Walk up to the cave like "what up, I got a big sword,"
I'm just pumped.. got some gear from a zombie horde,
Legs on the dwarf, they're so short and shiny,
Lord Neverember like, "wow, that guy is really tiny."
Rollin' in, hella deep, headin' toward a dragon creep,
Dressed in all steel, except my warrior boots, those were free,
Draped in a fuzzy cape, companion standin' next to me
Probably shoulda sold this piece, smells like Tower District streets..
Orcssssssssssss
But man, it was 2 million astral diamonds!
Indeed, it was such a success that Mr. O'Leary, the florist in the town, started feeling the impact on his business. He went out to the monastery and asked the friars if they could scale down their business a bit because it was affecting him. They refused his request and rudely sent him packing. More time went by, and O'Leary was now having trouble even meeting basic expenses. So he went out the monastery and made an even more heartfelt plea for them to limit their sales a bit. Again, they refused his request and slammed the door in his face.
Finally, at wit's end, O'Leary called upon Hugh McTaggart for help. Hugh McTaggart was the roughest, toughest, fightin'est and hard-drinkin'est scalawag in the entire town. Hugh heads out to the monastery and asks if they could stop selling their flowers, and again the friars refuse. Hugh rolls up his sleeves and proceeds to pummel each and every one of the monks there, so much so, that they agree not only to scale back their selling, but promise to uproot their flower garden altogether.
Moral of the story?
Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Procedure: You place a small, black thumbtack near him (ideally on his shoulder) point and call: “Watch out – a horsefly!!!”
Depending on his reaction you can judge his intelligence:
a) He notices immediately, that you are pulling his leg > very intelligent (11-12) - for barbarians genius!
b) He first slaps the thumbtack & notices then, that you were pulling his leg > average intelligence (8-10) – for barbarians above average!
c) He slaps the thumbtack & then thinks it wasn’t a horsefly but a bee, because it did sting him > low intelligence (5-7) – for barbarians average!
d) He just slaps the thumbtack, smashing it > semi intelligent (2-4) – for barbarians below average!
e) He smashes the thumbtack & then eats it with obvious delight > animal intelligence (1) – even for barbarians pretty stupid!
Why are they no Barbarians in this game?
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
http://www.etsy.com/shop/Toadems
"I Duped a Billion Astral Astral Diamonds and All I Got Was This Lousy Ban"
Farewell remorse; all good to me is lost.
Evil, be thou my good.
One drinks ale and spills blood; the other drinks blood and spills ale!
The cornered ranger was out of arrows when he felt the searing pain strike him down.
Thus defeated, the ranger bowed at the knee and...hey looky there...pulled out an arrow. Yelping in pain, he strung it upon his own bow in desperation, and dispatched the assailant archer.
Aye, the ranger limped away in high spirits that day.
The End
[SIGPIC]Captain Electric and the Sapien Spider[/SIGPIC]
"YES, PLEASE"
Vote YES for the Foundry in Champions Online.
@Captain-Electric | CoH/Virtue veteran | Proud new Champion
"All of them, at the same time even though light bulbs haven been invented yet"